LAUGH     NOR     SMILE     NOT,    LITTLE     FRIEND, 
NOR     THE     FIRST     TALE     READ     TO     END, 
TILL     YOUR     NAME     BELOW      IS     SHOWN, 
AND     THE     BOOK'S     YOUR     VERY     OWN. 


«^ 


University  of  California  •  Berkeley 

Gift  of 
Mrs.    James   C.   Keesling,   Jr 


Tales  of  Laughter 


McCLURE'S    LIBRARY 
OF    CHILDREN'S    CLASSICS 

EDITED  BY  KATE  DOUGLAS  WIGGIN 
AND  NORA  ARCHIBALD  SMITH 


GOLDEN  NUMBERS 

A  BOOK  OF   VEBSE  FOB 
YOUTH 

THE  POSY  RING 

A  BOOK  OF  VEBSE  FOB 
CHILDBEN 

PINAFORE    PALACE 

A     BOOK     OF     BHYMES     FOB 
THE     NUBSEBY 

Library  of  Fairy  Literature 
THE    FAIRY    RING 

MAGIC     CASEMENTS 

A  SECOND  FAIBY  BOOK 


OTHEB  VOLUMES  TO  FOLLOW 


Send  to  the  publishers  for  Complete  Descriptive  Catalogue 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

A    THIRD   FAIRY  BOOK 

EDITED    BY 

KATE    DOUGLAS   WIGGIN 

AND 

NORA   ARCHIBALD    SMITH 


NEW  YORK 

THE   McCLURE   COMPANY 
MCMVIII 


Copyright,  1908,  by  The  McClure  Company 


PUBLISHERS'    NOTE 

The  McClure  Company  wish  to  make  acknowledgment  of 
their  indebtedness  to  the  following  publishers: 

G.  P.  Putnam's  Sons,  for  permission  to  use  "  The  Greedy 
Cat,"  " Father  Bruin  in  the  Corner?  "  The  Pancake"  "  The 
Death  of  Chanticleer"  "Reynard  Wants  to  Taste  Horse 
Flesh"  " Bruin  and  Reynard  Partners"  " Pork  and  Honey" 
and  "Slip  Root:  Catch  Reynard's  Foot"  from  Tales  from 
the  Fjeld;  "  The  Most  Frugal  of  Men,"  "  The  Moon  Cake" 
"  The  Ladle  that  Fell  from  the  Moon"  "  The  Young  Head 
of  the  Family"  and  "  The  Dreadful  Boar,"  from  Chinese 
Nights  Entertainment. 

The  American  Book  Company,  for  permission  to  use  "  Lit- 
tle Tuppen,"  from  Fairy  Stories  and  Fables. 

Little,  Brown  &  Company,  for  permission  to  use  "  The 
Story  of  the  Four  Little  Children  who  Went  Round  the 
World"  from  Edward  Lear's  Nonsense  Books. 

F.  A.  Stokes  Company,  for  permission  to  use  "  Little  Black 
Mingo,"  "The  Lad  and  the  Fox"  "The  Old  Woman  and 
the  Tramp"  "  The  Cook  and  the  Crested  Hen"  and  "  The 
Old  Woman  and  the  Fish"  from  Fairy  Tales  from  the 
Swedish;  "  One's  Own  Children  Always  Prettiest"  and  "  The 
Princess  whom  Nobody  Could  Silence"  from  Fairy  Tales 
from  the  Far  North. 

F.  Warne  &  Company,  for  permission  to  use  "  The  Money 
Box,"  "  The  Happy  Family"  and  " It  is  Quite  True"  from 
Hans  'Andersen's  Fairy  Tales. 

J.  B.  Lippincott,  for  permission  to  use  "  Manabozho  and 
His  Toe,"  from  North  American  Indian  Fairy  Tales;  "  The 
Three  Wishes"  "If  Heaven  Will  It,"  and  t( The  Fox  and 


PUBLISHERS'    NOTE 

the  Goose"  from  Spanish  Fairy  Tales;  "Hans  in  Luck," 
"  The  Fox  and  the  Cat"  "  The  Fisherman  and  His  Wife" 
and  "  The  Adventures  of  Chanticleer  and  Partlet"  from 
Grimm's  Fairy  Tales. 

Charles  Scribner's  Sons,  for  permission  to  use  "  The  Fox 
and  the  Dove"  "  The  Fox  and  the  Hedgehog"  "  The  Disap- 
pointed Bear"  and  "  Young  Neverfull,"  from  Russian  Grand- 
mother's Wonder  Stories. 

George  Routledge  &  Sons,  Ltd.,  for  permission  to  use 
t(The  Flail  which  Came  from  the  Clouds"  "The  Wren 
and  the  Bear"  "  The  Wolf  and  the  Fox,"  "  The  Three  Luck- 
Children"  "  The  Three  Sluggards"  "  The  Cat  and  the  Mouse 
in  Partnership,"  "  Old  Sultan,"  "  The  Shreds"  "  The  Fox 
and  the  Horse,"  "  The  Seven  Swabians,"  "  The  Giant  and  the 
Tailor"  and  "  The  Little  Shepherd  Boy,"  from  Grimm's 
Household  Stories. 

Joseph  McDonough,  for  permission  to  use  "How  the  Sun, 
the  Moon  and  the  Wind  went  out  to  Dinner,"  "  Singh  Rajah 
and  the  Cunning  Little  Jackals"  "  The  Blind  Man,  the  Deaf 
Man  and  the  Donkey,"  "  The  Alligator  and  the  Jackal"  and 
"  The  Selfish  Sparrow  and  the  Houseless  Crows,"  from  Old 
Deccan  Days. 

A.  L.  Burt  &  Company,  for  permission  to  use  "  Gudbrand 
on  the  Hillside  "  and  "  Nanny  who  Wouldn't  Go  to  Supper," 
from  Fairy  Tales  from  the  Far  North. 


[vi] 


A  LAUGHING   SONG 

When  the  greenwoods  laugh  with 

the  voice  of  joy, 
And  the  dimpling  stream  runs 

laughing  by; 
When  the  air  does  laugh  with 

our  merry  wit, 
And  the  green  hill  laughs  with 

the  noise  of  it; 

When  the  meadows  laugh  with 

lively  green, 
And  the  grasshopper  laughs 

in  the  merry  scene; 
When  Mary  and  Susan  and  Emily 
With  their  sweet  round  mouths 

sing  "Ha,  ha,  he!" 

When  the  painted  birds  laugh 

in  the  shade, 
Where  our  table  with  cherries 

and  nuts  is  spread; 
Come  live  and  be  merry  and 

join  with  me 
To  sing  the  sweet  chorus 

of  "Ha,  ha,  he!" 

WILLIAM  BLAKE. 


CONTENTS 

PAGE 

THB  RATS  AND  THEIR  SON-IN-LAW  (French)  3 

THE  MOUSB  AND  THE  SAUSAGE  (French)  6 

THE  THREE  WISHES  (Spanish)  7 

THE  Fox  AND  THE  GOOSE  (Spanish)  10 

IP  HEAVEN  WILL  IT  (Spanish)  12 

THE  BOOBY  (Italian)  14 

THE  MONTHS  (Italian)  20 

THE  STONE  IN  THE  COCK'S  HEAD  (Italian)  25 

THE  Fox  AND  THE  CAT  (Cossack)  30 

THE  STRAW  Ox  (Cossack)  32 

THE  CAT,  THE  COCK,  AND  THE  Fox  (Cossack)  36 

THE  Fox  AND  THE  DOVE  (Russian)  39 

THB  Fox  AND  THE  HEDGEHOG  (Russian)  41 

THE  DISAPPOINTED  BEAR  (Russian)  43 

YOUNG  NEVERFULL  (Russian)  45 

HUDDEN    AND   DUDDEN    AND   DONALD   O'NBARY    (Celtic)  47 

THE  TAIL  (Celtic)  54 

JACK  AND  THE  KING  WHO  WAS  A  GENTLEMAN  (Celtic)  55 

HANS  IN  LUCK  (German)  62 

THE  FAMILY  SERVANTS  (German)  68 

THE  FLAIL  WHICH  CAME  FROM  THE  CLOUDS  (German)  69 

THE  SOLE'S  MOUTH  (German)  71 

THE  THREE  BROTHERS  (German)  72 

THE  WREN  AND  THE  BEAR  (German)  74 

THE  MUSICIANS  OF  BREMEN  (German)  77 

THE  Fox  AND  THE  CAT  (German)  81 

THE  GOLDEN  KEY  (German)  82 

DOCTOR  KNOW-ALL  (German)  83 

THE  FAIR  CATHERINE  AND  PIF-PAF  POLTRIB  (German)  86 

THE  WOLF  AND  THE  Fox  (German)  88 

DISCREET  HANS  (German)  90 

[ix] 


CONTENTS 

PAGE 

KING  THRUSH-BEARD  (German)  93 

THE  THREE  LUCK  CHILDREN  (German)  98 

THE  THREE  SLUGGARDS  (German)  101 

THE  FISHERMAN  AND  HIS  WIFE  (German)  102 

THE  NOSE-TREE  (German)  in 
THE  ADVENTURES  OF  CHANTICLEER  AND  PARTLET  (German)          118 

THE  GOLDEN  GOOSE  (German)  124 

THE  YOUNG  GIANT  (German)  129 

THE  SWEET  SOUP  (German)  137 

SEVEN  AT  ONE  BLOW  (German)  138 

THE  CAT  AND  THE  MOUSE  IN  PARTNERSHIP  (German)  146 

OLD  SULTAN  (German)  149 

THE  NAIL  (German)  152 

THE  Fox  AND  THE  HORSE  (German)  153 

THE  GIANT  AND  THE  TAILOR  (German)  155 

THE  SPIDER  AND  THE  FLEA   (German)  157 

THE  LITTLE  SHEPHERD  BOY  (German)  160 

THE  SEVEN  SWABIANS  (German)  162 

THE  SHREDS  (German)  165 

THE  WOLF  AND  THE  SEVEN  KIDS  (German)  166 

THE  ELVES  AND  THE  SHOEMAKER  (German)  170 

KING  WREN  (German)  172 

WHY  THE  BEAR  HAS  A  STUMPY  TAIL  (German)  176 

THREE  WAYS  TO  BUILD  A  HOUSE  (German)  177 

How  TO  TELL  A  TRUE  PRINCESS  (German)  182 

THE  FIVE  SERVANTS  (German)  184 

THE  HARE  AND  THE  Fox  (German)  191 

THE  STORY  OF  ZIRAC  (Oriental)  193 

JOHNNY-CAKE  (English)  197 

THE  WEE,  WEE  MANNIE  (Scottish)  200 

SIR  GAMMER  VANS  (English)  203 

TOM  TIT  TOT  (English)  205 

THE  OLD  WOMAN  AND  HER  PIG  (English)  211 

THE  STORY  OF  THE  THREE  LITTLE  PIGS  (English)  215 

THE  THREE  SILLIES  (English)  218 

THE  CAT  AND  THE  MOUSE  (English)  222 
HEREAFTERTHIS  (English) 
TITTY  MOUSE  AND  TATTY  MOUSE  (English) 
THE  MAGPIE'S  NEST  (English) 
SCRAPEFOOT  (English) 


CONTENTS 


PAGE 


THE  WISE  MEN  OF  GOTHAM  (English)  236 

HENNY-PENNY  (English)  241 

A  SON  OF  ADAM  (English)  244 

THE  HAPPY  FAMILY  (H.  C.  Andersen)  246 
THE  BLIND  MAN,  THE  DEAF  MAN,  AND  THE  DONKEY  (Southern 

India)  250 

THE  ALLIGATOR  AND  THE  JACKAL  (Southern  India)  258 

WHY  THE  FISH  LAUGHED  (Indian)  263 
THE  SELFISH  SPARROW  AND  THE  HOUSELESS  CROWS  (Southern 

India)  269 

THE  LAMBIKIN  (Indian)  271 
THE  TOWN  MOUSE  AND  THE  COUNTRY  MOUSE  (Scandinavian)  274 

THE  GREEDY  CAT  (Scandinavian)  278 

WELL  DONE:  ILL  PAID  (Scandinavian)  284 

REYNARD  AND  CHANTICLEER  (Scandinavian)  287 

FATHER  BRUIN  IN  THE  CORNER  (Scandinavian)  289 

WHY  THE  SEA  is  SALT  (Scandinavian)  291 

GUDBRAND  ON  THE  HILLSIDE  (Scandinavian)  296 

THE  PANCAKE  (Scandinavian)  301 

THE  DEATH  OF  CHANTICLEER  (Scandinavian)  305 

REYNARD  WANTS  TO  TASTE  HORSE-FLESH  (Scandinavian)  309 

BRUIN  AND  REYNARD  PARTNERS  (Scandinavian)  311 

PORK  AND  HONEY  (Scandinavian)  312 

How  REYNARD  OUTWITTED  BRUIN  (Scandinavian)  314 
NANNY  WHO  WOULDN'T  Go  HOME  TO  SUPPER  (Scandinavian)  315 

THE  Box  WITH  SOMETHING  PRETTY  IN  IT  (Scandinavian)  321 

THE  FARMER  AND  THE  TROLL  (Scandinavian)  322 

ONE'S  OWN  CHILDREN  ALWAYS  PRETTIEST  (Scandinavian)  323 
THE  PRINCESS  WHOM  NOBODY  COULD  SILENCE  (Scandinavian)  324 

THE  MONEY-BOX  (H.  C.  Andersen)  328 

THE  DARNING-NEEDLE  (H.C.Andersen)  331 

MASTER  OF  ALL  MASTERS  (English)  335 

BELLING  THE  CAT  (English)  336 

THE  MAGPIE  AND  HER  CHILDREN  (English)  338 

THE  COCK,  THE  CUCKOO,  AND  THE  BLACK-COCK  (English)  339 

THE  RACE  BETWEEN  HARE  AND  HEDGEHOG  (English)  340 

BRUNO'S  STORY  (Lewis  Carroll)  344 

THE  BLUEBOTTLE  WHO  WENT  COURTING  (English)  346 

How  Two  BEETLES  TOOK  LODGINGS  (English)  351 

LITTLE  TUPPEN  (Scandinavian)  358 

[xi] 


The   Rats  and  their   Son-in-Law 

rHERE  once  lived  in  Japan  a  rat  and  his  wife,  folk  of 
noble  race,  who  had  one  beautiful  daughter.  They 
were  exceedingly  proud  of  her  charms,  and  dreamed, 
as  parents  will,  of  the  grand  marriage  she  was  sure  to  make 
in  time.  Proud  of  his  pure  rodent  blood,  the  father  saw  no 
son-in-law  more  to  be  desired  than  a  young  rat  of  ancient 
lineage,  whose  attentions  to  his  daughter  were  very  marked. 
This  match,  however,  brilliant  as  it  was,  seemed  not  to  the 
mother's  taste.  Like  many  people  who  think  themselves  made 
out  of  special  clay,  she  had  a  very  poor  opinion  of  her  own 
kind,  and  was  ambitious  for  an  alliance  with  the  highest  cir- 
cles. Ad  astro!  (To  the  stars!)  was  her  motto,  she  always 
said,  and  really,  when  one  has  a  daughter  of  incomparable 
beauty,  one  may  well  hope  for  an  equally  incomparable 
son-in-law. 

"  Address  yourself  to  the  sun  at  once,  then,"  cried  the  im- 
patient father  one  day ;  "  there  is  nothing  above  him,  surely." 

"  Quite  so ;  I  had  already  thought  of  it,"  she  answered,  "  and 
since  you,  too,  are  in  sympathy  with  the  idea,  we  will  make  our 
call  to-morrow." 

So,  on  the  following  morning  the  proud  father  and  the 
haughty  mother-rat  went  together  to  present  their  lovely 
daughter  to  the  orb  of  day. 

"  Lord  Sun,"  said  the  mother,  "  let  me  present  our  only 
daughter,  who  is  so  beautiful  that  there  is  nothing  like  her 
in  the  whole  world.  Naturally  we  desire  a  son-in-law "  as 
wonderful  as  she,  and,  as  you  see,  we  have  come  to  you 
first  of  all." 

"  Really,"  said  the  sun,  "  I  am  extremely  flattered  by  your 
proposal,  but  you  do  me  too  much  honor;  there  is  some  one 


TALES   OF   LAUGHTER 

greater  than  I ;  it  is  the  cloud.  Look,  if  you  do  not  believe." 
.  .  .  And  at  that  moment  the  cloud  arrived,  and  with  one 
waft  of  his  folds  extinguished  the  sun  with  all  his  golden  rays. 

"  Very  well ;  let  us  speak  to  the  cloud,  then,"  said  the  mother- 
rat,  not  in  the  least  disconcerted. 

"  Immensely  honored,  I  am  sure,"  replied  the  cloud  in  his 
turn,  "  but  you  are  again  mistaken ;  there  is  some  one  greater 
than  I ;  it  is  the  wind.  You  shall  see." 

At  the  same  moment  along  came  the  wind,  and  with  one 
blow  swept  the  cloud  out  of  sight,  after  which,  overturning 
father,  mother,  and  daughter,  he  tumbled  with  them,  pell-mell, 
at  the  foot  of  an  old  wall. 

"  Quick,  quick,"  cried  the  mother-rat,  struggling  to  her  feet, 
"  and  let  us  repeat  our  compliments  to  the  wind." 

"  You'd  better  address  yourself  to  the  wall,"  growled  the 
wind  roughly.  You  see  very  well  he  is  greater  than  I,  for  he 
stops  me  and  makes  me  draw  back." 

No  sooner  had  she  heard  these  words  than  mother-rat  faced 
about  and  presented  her  daughter  to  the  wall.  Ah,  but  now 
the  fair  rat-maiden  imitated  the  wind;  she  drew  back  also. 
He  whom  she  really  adored  in  her  heart  of  hearts  was  the  fas- 
cinating young  rat  who  had  paid  his  court  to  her  so  well. 
However,  to  please  her  mother,  she  had  consented  to  wed  the 
sun,  in  spite  of  his  blinding  rays,  or  the  cloud,  in  spite  of  his 
sulky  look,  even  the  wind,  in  spite  of  his  brusque  manner ;  but 
an  old,  broken  wall !  .  .  .  No !  death  would  be  better  a  thou- 
sand times. 

Fortunately  the  wall  excused  himself,  like  all  the  rest.  "  Cer- 
tainly," he  said,  "  I  can  stop  the  wind,  who  can  sweep  away 
the  cloud,  who  can  cover  up  the  sun,  but  there  is  some  one 
greater  than  I :  it  is  the  rat,  who  can  pass  through  my  body, 
and  can  even,  if  he  chooses,  reduce  me  to  powder  with  his 
teeth.  Believe  me,  you  need  seek  no  better  son-in-law;  greater 
than  the  rat,  there  is  nothing  in  the  world." 

"  Do  you  hear  that,  wife,  do  you  hear  it?"  cried  father-rat 
in  triumph.  "  Didn't  I  always  say  so  ?  " 

"  Quite  true !  you  always  did,"  returned  the  mother-rat  in 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

wonder,  and  suddenly  glowed  with  pride  in  her  ancient  name 

and  lineage.  , 

So  they  all  three  went  home,  very  happy  and  conten  id,  an 
on  the  morrow  the  lovely  rat-maiden  married  her  faithful  rat- 
lover. 


The  Mouse  and  the  Sausage 


X^vNCE  upon  a  time  a  little  mouse  and  a  little  sausage,  who 
i  I  loved  each  other  like  sisters,  decided  to  live  together, 
\~J  and  made  their  arrangements  in  such  a  way  that  every 
day  one  would  go  to  walk  in  the  fields,  or  make  purchases  in 
town,  while  the  other  remained  at  home  to  keep  the  house. 

One  day,  when  the  little  sausage  had  prepared  cabbage  for 
dinner,  the  little  mouse,  who  had  come  back  from  town  with  a 
fine  appetite,  enjoyed  it  so  greatly  that  she  exclaimed  :  "  How 
delicious  the  cabbage  is  to-day,  my  dear  !  " 

"  Ah  !  "  answered  the  little  sausage,  "  that  is  because  I 
popped  myself  into  the  pot  while  it  was  cooking." 

On  the  next  day,  as  it  was  her  turn  to  prepare  the  meals, 
the  little  mouse  said  to  herself  :  "  Now  I  will  do  as  much  for 
my  friend  as  she  did  for  me;  we  will  have  lentils  for  dinner, 
and  I  will  jump  into  the  pot  while  they  are  boiling,"  and  she 
let  the  action  follow  the  word,  without  reflecting  that  a  simple 
sausage  can  do  some  things  which  are  out  of  the  reach  of  even 
the  wisest  mouse. 

When  the  sausage  came  home,  she  found  the  house  lonely 
and  silent.  She  called  again  and  again,  "  My  little  mouse  ! 
Mouse  of  my  heart  !  "  but  no  one  answered.  Then  she  went  to 
look  at  the  lentils  boiling  on  the  stove,  and,  alas  !  found  within 
the  pot  her  good  little  friend,  who  had  perished  at  the  post 
of  duty. 

Poor  mousie,  with  the  best  intentions  in  the  world,  had 
stayed  too  long  at  her  cookery,  and  when  she  desired  to  climb 
out  of  the  pot,  had  no  longer  the  strength  to  do  so. 

And  the  poor  sausage  could  never  be  consoled  !  That  is  why 
to-day,  when  you  put  one  in  the  pan  or  on  the  gridiron,  you 
will  hear  her  weep  and  sigh,  "  M-my  p-poor  m-mouse  !  Ah, 
m-my  p-poor  m-mouse  !  " 

[6] 


The   Three  Wishes 

7i    /f  ANY  years  ago  there  was  an  old  married  man,  who, 

/\/j  although  poor,  had  worked  very  diligently  all  his 
JL  rJL  life  on  his  little  piece  of  ground.  One  winter's 
night,  as  this  old  man  was  seated  with  his  wife  in  front  of 
their  comfortable  hearth  in  social  chat,  instead  of  giving  thanks 
to  God  for  the  benefits  they  enjoyed,  they  spent  the  time  in 
enumerating  the  good  things  possessed  by  their  neighbors,  and 
in  wishing  that  they  belonged  to  them. 

"  Instead  of  my  little  hut,  which  is  on  bad  soil,  and  only  fit 
to  house  a  donkey  in,  I  would  like  to  have  the  farm  of  old 
Polainas !  "  exclaimed  the  old  man. 

"  And  I,"  added  his  wife,  who  was  annoyed  that  he  did  not 
aspire  higher,  "  instead  of  that,  would  like  to  have  our  neigh- 
bor's house,  which  is  nearly  new." 

"  And  I,"  continued  her  husband,  "  instead  of  our  old  don- 
key, which  can  scarcely  carry  an  empty  sack,  would  like  to  have 
Polainas's  mule !  " 

"  And  I,"  exclaimed  the  wife,  "  would  like  to  have  such  a 
fat  porker  as  our  neighbor  has  to  kill !  Some  people  seem  only 
to  wish  for  a  thing  in  order  to  get  it.  How  I  should  like  to 
see  my  wishes  accomplished !  " 

Scarcely  had  she  uttered  these  words,  than  they  beheld  a 
most  beautiful  little  woman  standing  in  front  of  the  fire.  She 
was  so  small  that  her  height  could  not  have  been  more  than 
eighteen  inches,  while  she  wore  a  crown  like  a  queen's  upon 
her  head.  Her  tunic  and  veil  were  almost  transparent,  and 
seemed  made  of  white  smoke,  while  the  sparks  from  the  fire 
crackled  and  jumped  like  fireworks  about  her,  and  sparkled 
around  her  as  glittering  spangles. 

In  her  hand  she  bore  a  little  golden  scepter,  the  end  of 
which  was  formed  by  a  gleaming  ruby. 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  I  am  the  Fairy  Fortunata,"  said  she  to  them ;  "  I  was 
passing  by  here,  and  I  have  heard  your  complaints.  I  have  so 
much  anxiety  to  accomplish  your  desires  that  I  come  to  prom- 
ise you  the  realization  of  three  wishes:  one  to  you,"  she  said 
to  the  wife ;  "  the  other  to  you,"  to  the  husband,  "  and  the 
third  must  be  mutual  and  agreeable  to  the  desire  of  you  both. 
This  last  I  will  agree  to  in  person  to-morrow,  when  I  will 
return  at  this  time ;  and  until  then  I  leave  you  to  think  of  what 
it  shall  be." 

When  she  had  said  these  words,  the  beautiful  fairy  sprang 
through  the  flames  and  disappeared  in  a  cloud  of  smoke. 

The  delight  of  the  worthy  couple  may  be  imagined,  and  the 
number  of  wishes,  numerous  as  suitors  at  the  door  of  a  min- 
ister, which  presented  themselves  to  their  minds.  Their  de- 
sires were  so  many  that,  not  knowing  which  to  select,  they 
determined  to  defer  the  definite  decision  to  the  following  day. 
After  having  had  all  the  night  to  think  the  matter  over,  they 
began  to  discuss  entirely  different  things,  and  in  a  little  while 
their  conversation  recurred  to  their  wealthy  neighbors. 

"  I  was  at  their  house  to-day,"  said  the  husband ;  "  they  were 
making  black  puddings.  Ah,  such  black  puddings !  It  would 
have  done  you  good  to  see  them !  " 

"  I  would  like  to  have  one  of  them  here,"  replied  the  wife, 
"  to  roast  on  the  ashes  for  supper." 

Scarcely  had  she  uttered  the  words  than  there  appeared 
upon  the  ashes  the  most  delicious-looking  black  pudding  that 
could  possibly  be  imagined. 

The  woman  remained  staring  at  it  with  open  mouth  and  eyes 
starting  out  of  her  head.  But  her  husband  jumped  up  in 
despair,  and  after  striding  up  and  down  the  room,  tearing  his 
hair  in  desperation,  said :  "  Through  your  gluttony,  you  greedy 
woman,  we  have  lost  one  of  the  wishes !  Good  Heavens,  what 
a  woman  this  is !  More  stupid  than  a  goose !  It  makes  me 
desperate ;  I  detest  you  and  the  black  pudding,  too,  and  I  wish 
it  were  stuck  on  to  your  nose !  " 

No  sooner  had  he  spoken  than  there  was  the  black  pudding 
hanging  from  the  place  indicated ! 

[8] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

Then  was  the  old  man  struck  with  horror  and  his  wife  with 
desperation ! 

"  You  see  what  you  have  done,  evil  tongue!  "  exclaimed  she, 
as  she  made  useless  exertions  to  tear  the  appendage  from  her 
nose ;  "  if  I  employed  my  wish  badly,  at  least  it  was  to  my  own 
disadvantage,  and  not  to  the  injury  of  any  one  else;  but 
the  sin  carries  its  punishment  with  it,  for  I  will  not  have  any 
other  wish,  nor  desire  anything  else  than  that  the  black  pud- 
ding be  taken  off  my  nose." 

"  Wife,  for  Heaven's  sake !    What  of  the  new  house  ?  " 

"Nothing!" 

"  Wife,  for  Heaven's  sake,  think  of  the  farm ! " 

"  It  does  not  matter." 

"  My  dear,  let  us  wish  for  a  fortune,  and  then  we  will  have 
a  golden  case  for  the  black  pudding." 

"  I  will  not  hear  of  it." 

"  Then  you  would  have  us  left  just  as  we  were  before?  " 

"  That  is  all  that  I  wish  for." 

And  for  all  that  the  man  could  say,  nothing  could  alter  his 
wife's  determination,  who  grew  more  and  more  enraged  with 
her  double  nose,  and  could  scarcely  keep  off  the  dog  and  the 
cat,  who  both  wished  to  make  free  with  it. 

When,  on  the  following  night,  the  fairy  appeared  and  asked 
them  what  was  their  last  wish,  they  said  to  her :  "  We  see  how 
blind  and  foolish  it  is  of  men  to  fancy  that  the  realization  of 
their  wishes  will  make  them  happy." 

Nor  is  happiness  in  the  accomplishment  of  our  wishes,  but 
rather  in  the  not  having  any.  He  is  rich  who  possesses  what 
he  wants ;  but  happy  is  he  who  wishes  for  nothing. 


[9] 


The  Fox  and  the  Goose 

jj  FOX  and  a  goose  were  very  great  friends.  The 
J^i  goose,  which,  as  you  know,  is  a  very  honest  and 
-Z  -£  industrious  bird,  said  to  the  fox: 

"  Friend  fox,  I  have  a  little  bit  of  property  here,  and  if  you 
like  to  join  with  me,  we  will  cultivate  it  between  us." 

"  That  would  greatly  please  me,"  answered  the  fox. 

"  Then  it  will  be  necessary  to  till  it  together  when  the 
season  arrives,"  said  the  goose. 

"  Very  well,"  replied  the  fox. 

A  little  afterward,  when  they  met,  the  goose  said: 

"  It  is  time  to  sow  the  seed." 

"  That  is  your  business,"  said  the  fox.  "  I  have  nothing  to 
do  with  that." 

Some  months  passed,  when  the  goose  said  to  the  fox : 

"  Friend,  the  grass  is  choking  the  wheat ;  it  is  necessary  to 
weed  the  field." 

"  Very  well,"  answered  the  fox,  "  you  see  to  that ;  it  is  not 
my  business." 

A  short  time  passed  by,  when  the  goose  said  to  the  fox : 

"  Friend,  the  wheat  is  ripe,  and  must  be  reaped." 

"  All  right,"  replied  the  fox,  "  you  attend  to  that ;  it  is  not 
my  business." 

Then  the  goose,  for  all  her  good  nature,  began  to  be  dis- 
trustful, and  told  her  friend  the  greyhound  what  had  passed. 

The  greyhound,  who  was  very  shrewd,  saw  at  once  that  the 
fox  was  going  to  play  off  one  of  his  tricks  upon  the  goose's 
good  nature,  and  said  to  her : 

"  Reap  the  wheat ;  put  it  in  the  barn,  and  hide  me  in  a  sheaf 
of  corn,  without  leaving  more  than  one  eye  uncovered,  so  that 
I  may  see  all  that  may  happen." 

[10] 


i 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

The  goose  did  as  the  greyhound  had  said,  and  after  a  time 
the  fox  arrived,  and  when  he  saw  the  barn  filled  with  splendid 
wheat  already  thrashed,  he  was  very  delighted,  and,  dancing 

about,  sang: 

"Li6,  H6, 
The  straw  and  wheat  are  mine! 

Li6,  lio, 
The  straw  and  wheat  are  mine!" 

As  he  said  this,  he  approached  the  sheaf  in  which  the  grey- 
hound was  concealed,  and  on  seeing  the  eye  among  the  straw, 
cried : 

"Ah,  there's  a  grape!" 

"  But  it  is  not  ripe,"  replied  the  greyhound,  as  he  leaped 
out  of  his  hiding  place,  and  killed  the  fox. 


If  Heaven  Will  It 


NCE  upon  a  time  a  Galician  was  returning  to  his  home 
after  having  spent  some  time  in  Seville.  When  he  was 
close  to  his  abode,  he  met  some  one  who  inquired  where 
he  was  going. 

"  To  my  native  place,"  replied  the  Galician. 

"  If  Heaven  will  it,"  answered  the  former. 

"  Whether  Heaven  will  it  or  no/'  added  the  Galician  to  him- 
self, already  seeing  his  village  from  afar,  and  being  only  sepa- 
rated from  its  outskirts  by  a  river. 

Scarcely  had  he  muttered  the  words  ere  he  fell  into  the 
water  and  was  changed  into  a  frog. 

In  this  condition  the  poor  man  lived  for  three  years,  being 
in  continual  danger  from  his  spiteful  foes,  bad  boys,  leeches, 
and  storks.  At  the  end  of  three  years  another  Galician  re- 
turning home  happened  to  pass  by  there,  and  a  wayfarer  chanc- 
ing to  ask  him  whither  he  was  going,  replied : 

"  To  my  native  place." 

"  If  Heaven  will  it,"  croaked  a  frog  that  poked  its  head  up 
out  of  the  water. 

And  when  it  had  said  this,  the  frog,  which  was  the 
first  Galician  of  the  tale,  suddenly  found  itself  once  more 
a  man. 

He  went  on  his  way  gayer  than  Easter,  and  having  met  with 
another  traveler,  who  asked  him  whither  he  went,  he  an- 
swered him : 

"  To  my  own  place,  if  Heaven  will  it ;  to  see  my  wife,  if 
Heaven  will  it;  to  see  my  children,  if  Heaven  will  it;  to  see 
my  cow,  if  Heaven  will  it;  to  sow  my  land,  if  Heaven  will 
it;  so  that  I  may  get  a  good  harvest  from  it,  if  Heaven 
will  it." 

[12] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

And  as  he  religiously  added  to  everything,  "If  Heaven  will 
it,"  he  was  allowed  to  see  his  wishes  accomplished.  He  found 
his  wife  and  children  well;  his  cow  became  the  mother  of  a 
fine  calf;  he  sowed  his  field,  and  reaped  a  good  harvest,  and 
all  because  Heaven  willed  it. 


The  Booby 


An  ignorant  man  who  associates  with  clever  people  has  always  been 
more  praised  than  a  wise  man  who  keeps  the  company  of  fools,  for  as 
much  profit  and  fame  as  a  man  gains  from  the  former,  so  much 
wealth  and  honor  one  may  lose  by  the  fault  of  the  latter,  and  as 
the  proof  of  the  pudding  is  in  the  eating,  you  will  know  from  the  story 
that  I  am  going  to  tell  you  whether  my  proposition  is  true. 

rHERE  was  once  a  man  who  was  as  rich  as  the  sea, 
but  as  there  never  can  be  any  perfect  happiness  in  this 
world,  he  had  a  son  so  idle  and  good-for-nothing  that 
he  could  not  tell  a  carob  from  a  cucumber.     So,  being  unable 
any  longer  to  put  up  with  his  folly,  he  gave  him  a  good  handful 
of  crowns,  and  sent  him  to  travel  to  the  Levant,  for  he  well 
knew  that  seeing  various  countries  and  mixing  with  divers 
people  works  genius,  sharpens  the  judgment,  and  makes  men 
expert. 

Moscione  (for  that  was  the  name  of  the  son)  got  on  horse- 
back and  began  his  journey  toward  Venice,  the  arsenal  of  the 
wonders  of  the  world,  to  embark  on  board  some  vessel  bound 
for  Cairo,  and  when  he  had  traveled  a  good  day's  journey 
he  met  with  a  person  who  was  standing  fixed  at  the  foot  of  a 
poplar,  to  whom  he  said :  "  What  is  your  name,  my  lad,  whence 
are  you,  and  what  is  your  trade  ?  "  And  the  lad  replied :  "  My 
name  is  Lightning,  I  am  from  Arrowland,  and  I  can  run  like 
the  wind."  "  I  should  like  to  see  a  proof  of  it,"  said  Moscione, 
and  Lightning  answered,  "  Wait  a  moment,  and  you  will  see 
whether  it  is  dust  or  flour." 

When  they  had  stood  waiting  a  little  while  a  doe  came 
bounding  over  the  plain,  and  Lightning,  letting  her  pass  on 
some  way,  to  give  himself  a  handicap,  darted  after  her  so 
rapidly  and  light  of  foot  that  he  would  have  gone  over  plains 

[14] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

covered  with  flour  without  leaving  the  mark  of  his  shoe,  and 
in  four  bounds  he  came  up  with  her.  Moscione,  amazed  at 
this  exploit,  asked  if  he  would  come  and  live  with  him,  and 
promised  to  pay  him  a  salary. 

So  Lightning  consented,  and  they  went  on  their  way  to- 
gether, but  they  had  not  journeyed  many  miles  when  they  met 
another  youth,  to  whom  Moscione  said :  "  What  is  your  name, 
comrade,  what  country  are  you  from,  and  what's  your  trade  ?  " 
"  My  name,"  replied  the  lad,  "  is  Hare's-ear,  I  am  from  Vale 
Curious,  and  when  I  put  my  ear  to  the  ground  I  hear  all  that 
is  passing  in  the  world  without  stirring  from  the  spot.  I 
perceive  the  monopolies  and  the  agreements  of  tradespeople 
to  raise  the  prices  of  all  things,  the  ill-offices  of  courtiers,  the 
appointments  of  lawyers,  the  plots  of  robbers,  the  reports  of 
spies,  the  complaints  of  servants,  the  gossiping  of  old  women, 
and  the  oaths  of  service,  so  that  neither  Lucian's  cocks  nor 
Francois's  lantern  discovered  so  much  as  my  ears  can." 

"  If  that  be  true,"  said  Moscione,  "  tell  me  what  they  are  say- 
ing at  my  home." 

So  the  lad  put  his  ear  to  the  ground,  and  replied :  "  An  old 
man  is  talking  to  his  wife  and  saying,  '  Praised  be  Sol  in  Lea, 
I  have  got  rid  from  my  side  of  that  fellow,  Moscione,  that  nail 
in  my  heart,  with  his  face  of  old-fashioned  crockery.  By  trav- 
eling through  the  world  he  will  at  least  become  a  man,  and  no 
longer  be  such  a  stupid  donkey,  such  a  simpleton,  such  a  lose- 
the-day  fellow,  such  a ' " 

"  Stop,  stop !  "  cried  Moscione.  "  You  told  the  truth,  and  I 
believe  you,  so  come  along  with  me,  for  you  have  found  the 
road  to  good  luck." 

"  Well  and  good,"  said  the  youth.  So  they  all  went  on  to- 
gether and  traveled  ten  miles  farther,  when  they  met  another 
man,  to  whom  Moscione  said :  "  My  brave  fellow,  where  were 
you  born  and  what  can  you  do  in  the  world  ?  "  And  the  man 
answered :  "  My  name  is  Shoot-straight,  I  am  from  Castle  Aim- 
well,  and  I  can  shoot  with  a  crossbow  so  point-blank  as  to  hit 
a  crab-apple  in  the  middle." 

"  I  should  like  to  see  a  proof,"  said  Moscione,  so  the  lad 

[IS] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

charged  his  crossbow,  took  aim,  and  made  a  pea  leap  from  the 
top  of  the  stone  window.  Moscione  took  him  also,  like  the 
others,  into  his  company,  and  they  traveled  on  another  day's 
journey,  until  they  came  to  some  people  who  were  building  a 
large  pier  in  the  scorching  heat  of  the  sun,  and  who  might  well 
say,  "  Boy,  put  water  to  the  wind,  for  my  heart  is  burning." 
So  Moscione  had  compassion  on  them  and  said,  "  My  masters, 
how  is  it  you  have  the  heart  to  stand  in  this  furnace,  which  is 
bound  to  roast  a  buffalo  ?  "  And  one  of  them  answered :  "  Ah  ! 
we  are  as  cool  as  roses,  for  we  have  a  young  man  here  who 
blows  upon  us  from  behind  in  such  a  manner  that  it  seems  as 
if  the  west  wind  were  blowing."  "  Let  me  see  him,  I  pray," 
cried  Moscione,  and  so  the  mason  called  the  lad,  and  Moscione 
said  to  him :  "  Tell  me,  by  the  life  of  your  father,  what  is  your 
name,  what  country  are  you  from,  and  what  is  your  profes- 
sion ?  "  And  the  lad  replied :  "  My  name  is  Blowblast,  I  am 
from  Windy  Land,  and  I  can  make  all  the  winds  with  my 
mouth.  If  you  wish  a  zephyr,  I  will  breathe  one  that  will  send 
you  into  transports.  If  you  wish  for  a  squall,  I  will  blow  down 
houses." 

"  Seeing  is  believing,"  said  Moscione,  whereupon  Blowblast 
breathed  at  first  quite  gently,  so  that  it  seemed  to  be  the  wind 
that  blows  in  Posilippo  toward  evening ;  then,  turning  suddenly 
to  some  trees,  he  sent  forth  such  a  furious  blast  that  it  uprooted 
a  row  of  oaks. 

When  Moscione  saw  this  he  took  him  for  a  companion,  and, 
traveling  on  as  far  again,  he  met  another  lad,  to  whom  he  said : 
"  What  is  your  name,  if  I  may  make  so  bold  ?  Whence  are 
you,  if  one  may  ask,  and  what  is  your  trade,  if  it  is  a  fair  ques- 
tion?" And  the  lad  answered,  "My  name  is  Strongback,  I 
am  from  Valentino,  and  I  have  such  strength  that  I  take  a 
mountain  on  my  back,  and  it  seems  to  me  a  mere  feather."  "  If 
that  be  the  case,"  said  Moscione,  "  you  deserve  to  be  a  king  of 
the  custom  house,  and  you  should  be  chosen  for  the  standard- 
bearer  on  the  first  of  May,  but  I  should  like  to  see  a  proof  of 
what  you  say."  Then  Strongback  began  to  load  himself  with 
masses  of  rock,  stumps  of  trees,  and  so  many  other  weights 

[16] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 


that  a  thousand  large  wagons  could  not  have  carried  them, 
so,  when  Moscione  saw  the  feat,  he  persuaded  the  lad  to  join 
them. 

So  they  traveled  on  till  they  came  to  Fairflower,  the  king  of 
which  place  had  a  daughter  who  ran  like  the  wind  and  could 
pass  over  the  waving  corn  without  bending  an  ear,  and  the 
king  had  issued  a  proclamation  that  whoever  should  overtake 
her  in  running  should  have  her  to  wife,  but  whoever  was  left 
behind  should  lose  his  head. 

Moscione  arrived  in  this  country  and  heard  the  proclamation. 
He  went  straight  to  the  king  and  offered  to  run  with  the 
daughter,  making  the  wise  agreement  either  to  win  the  race  or 
leave  his  noddle  there.  But  in  the  morning  he  sent  to  inform 
the  king  that  he  was  taken  ill,  and,  being  unable  to  run  himself, 
he  would  send  another  man  in  his  place.  "  Come  who  will," 
said  Ciennetella  (for  that  was  the  king's  daughter),  "I  care 
not  a  fig ;  it  is  all  one  to  me." 

So  when  the  great  square  was  filled  with  people  come  to  see 
the  race,  insomuch  that  the  men  swarmed  like  ants,  and  the 
windows  and  roofs  were  all  as  full  as  an  egg,  Lightning  came 
out  and  took  his  stand  at  the  top  of  the  square  waiting  for  the 
signal,  and  lo,  forth  came  Ciennetella,  dressed  in  a  little  gown 
tucked  half-way  up  to  her  knees,  and  a  neat  and  pretty  little 
shoe  with  a  single  sole.  Then  they  placed  themselves  shoulder 
to  shoulder,  and,  as  soon  as  the  Tarantara  and  the  Too-too  of 
the  trumpets  was  heard,  off  they  darted,  running  at  such  a  rate 
that  their  hair  touched  their  shoulders,  and  in  truth  they  seemed 
just  like  foxes  with  the  greyhounds  after  them,  horses  broken 
loose  from  the  stable,  dogs  with  kettles  tied  to  their  tails,  or 
jackasses  with  furze  bushes  behind  them.  But  Lightning  (as 
he  was  by  name  and  nature)  left  the  princess  more  than  a 
hand's  breadth  behind  him,  and  came  first  to  the  goal.  Then 
you  should  have  heard  the  buzzing  and  shouting  and  cries 
and  the  uproar,  the  whistling  and  clapping  of  all  the  people 
calling  out,  "  Hurrah,  long  live  the  stranger !  "  whereat  Cien- 
netella's  face  turned  as  red  as  a  schoolboy's  who  is  going  to 
be  whipped,  and  she  stood  lost  with  shame  and  confusion  at 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

seeing  herself  vanquished.  But  as  there  were  to  be  two  heats 
to  the  race,  she  fell  to  planning  her  revenge  for  this  affront, 
and,  going  home,  she  put  a  charm  in  her  ring  with  such  a 
power  that  if  any  one  had  it  on  his  finger,  his  legs  would  toddle 
so  that  he  would  not  be  able  to  walk,  much  less  to  run,  and  she 
sent  it  as  a  present  to  Lightning,  begging  him  to  wear  it  on  his 
finger  for  love  of  her. 

Hare's-ear,  who  heard  this  trick  plotted  between  the  father 
and  daughter,  said  nothing,  and  wanted  to  see  the  upshot  of 
the  affair,  and  when,  at  the  trumpeting  of  the  birds,  they  re- 
turned to  the  field,  at  the  usual  signal  they  fell  to  plying  their 
heels.  But  if  Ciennetella  was  like  another  Atalanta,  Lightning 
had  become  like  a  shoulder-slipped  ass  and  a  foundered  horse, 
for  he  could  not  stir  a  step,  but  Shoot-straight,  who  saw  his 
coming  danger,  and  heard  from  Hare's-ear  how  matters  stood, 
laid  hold  on  his  crossbow  and  shot  the  arrow  so  exactly  that  it 
hit  Lightning's  finger,  and  out  shot  the  stone  from  the  ring  in 
which  the  virtue  of  the  charm  lay,  whereupon  his  legs  that 
had  been  tied  were  set  free,  and  with  four  good  leaps  he  passed 
Ciennetella  and  won  the  race.  The  king,  seeing  the  palm  thus 
carried  off  by  this  figure  of  a  blockhead,  by  a  simpleton,  the 
triumph  of  a  fool,  bethought  himself  seriously  whether  or  not 
he  should  give  him  his  daughter,  and  taking  counsel  with  the 
wiseacres  of  his  court,  they  replied  that  Ciennetella  was  not  a 
mouthful  for  the  tooth  of  such  a  miserable  dog  and  lose-the- 
day  bird,  so  that,  without  breaking  his  word,  he  might  com- 
mute the  terms  of  his  daughter  with  a  gift  of  crowns,  which 
would  be  more  to  the  taste  of  a  poor  beggar  like  Moscione  than 
all  the  women  in  the  world. 

This  advice  pleased  the  king,  and  he  asked  Moscione  how 
much  money  he  would  take  to  consider  a  wife  who  had  been 
promised.  Then  Moscione,  after  consulting  the  others,  said: 
"  I  will  take  as  much  gold  and  silver  as  one  of  my  comrades 
can  carry  on  his  back."  The  king  consented,  whereupon  they 
brought  Strongback,  and  on  him  began  to  lay  bales  of  ducats, 
large  purses  full  of  crowns,  pails  of  copper  money,  and  kettles 
full  of  chains  and  rings,  but  the  more  they  loaded  him  the 

[18] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

firmer  he  stood,  just  like  a  tower,  so  that  the  treasurer,  the 
bankers,  the  usurers,  and  the  money  dealers  of  the  city  did  not 
suffice,  and  the  king  sent  to  all  of  the  great  people  in  every 
direction  to  borrow  their  silver  candlesticks,  basins,  jugs, 
plates,  brasses,  and  baskets,  and  yet  there  was  not  enough  to 
make  up  a  full  load.  At  length  Moscione  and  his  companions 
went  away,  however,  not  laden,  but  tired  and  satisfied. 

When  the  counselors  saw  what  heaps  of  stores  these  four 
miserable  fellows  were  carrying  off,  they  said  to  the  king  that 
it  was  a  great  piece  of  nonsense  to  load  them  with  all  the  sinews 
of  his  kingdom,  and  that  it  would  be  well  to  send  people  after 
them  to  lessen  the  load  of  that  Atlas  who  was  carrying  on  his 
shoulders  a  world  of  treasure.  The  king  gave  ear  to  this 
advice,  and  immediately  despatched  a  party  of  armed  men,  foot 
and  horse,  to  overtake  Moscione  and  his  friends,  but  Hare's- 
ear,  who  had  heard  this  counsel,  informed  his  comrades,  and 
while  the  dust  was  rising  to  the  sky  from  the  tramping  of  those 
who  were  coming  to  unload  the  rich  cargo,  Blowblast,  seeing 
that  things  were  come  to  a  bad  pass,  began  to  blow  at  such 
a  rate  that  he  not  only  made  the  enemies  fall  flat  on  the  ground, 
but  he  sent  them  flying  more  than  a  mile  distant,  as  a  north 
wind  does  those  people  who  pass  through  his  country.  So, 
without  meeting  any  more  hindrances,  Moscione  arrived  at  his 
father's  house,  where  he  shared  the  booty  with  his  companions, 
since  the  saying  goes,  "  A  good  deed  deserves  a  good  meed." 
So  he  sent  them  away  content  and  happy,  but  he  stayed  with 
his  father,  rich  beyond  measure,  giving  no  lie  to  the  saying, 
"  Heaven  sends  biscuits  to  him  who  has  no  teeth." 


The  Months 


It  is  a  saying  worthy  to  be  written  in  letters  as  big  as  those  on  a 
catafalque,  that  silence  never  harmed  any  one,  and  let  it  not  be  imagined 
that  those  slanderers  who  never  speak  well  of  others,  but  are  always 
cutting  and  stinging  and  pinching  and  biting,  ever  gain  anything  by 
their  malice;  for  when  the  bags  come  to  be  shaken  out,  it  has  always 
been  seen,  and  is  so  still,  that  while  the  good  word  gains  love  and 
profit,  slander  brings  enmity  and  ruin,  and  when  you  shall  have  heard 
how  this  happens,  you  will  see  I  speak  with  reason. 


X*\NCE  upon  a  time  there  were  two  brothers,  Cianne,  who 
f  i  was  as  rich  as  a  lord,  and  Lise,  who  had  barely  enough 
v-X  to  live  upon  ;  but  poor  as  one  was  in  fortune,  so  pitiful 
was  the  other  in  mind,  for  he  would  not  have  given  his  brother 
a  farthing  were  it  to  save  his  life  ;  so  that  poor  Lise  in  despair 
left  his  country,  and  set  out  to  wander  over  the  world.  And 
he  wandered  on  and  on,  till  one  wet  and  cold  evening  he  came 
to  an  inn,  where  he  found  twelve  youths  seated  around  a  fire, 
who,  when  they  saw  poor  Lise  benumbed  with  cold,  partly 
from  the  severe  season  and  partly  from  his  ragged  clothes,  in- 
vited him  to  sit  down  by  the  fire. 

Lise  accepted  the  invitation,  for  he  needed  it  greatly,  and 
began  to  warm  himself,  and  as  he  was  doing  so,  one  of  the 
young  men,  whose  face  was  such  a  picture  of  moroseness  as 
to  make  you  die  of  affright,  said  to  him  :  "  What  think  you, 
countryman,  of  this  weather  ?  " 

"What  do  I  think  of  it?"  replied  Lise.  "I  think  that  all 
the  months  of  the  year  perform  their  duty  ;  but  we,  who  know 
not  what  we  would  have,  wish  to  give  less  praise  to  Heaven, 
and,  wanting  to  have  things  our  own  way,  we  do  not  fish  deeply 
enough  to  the  bottom  to  find  out  whether  what  comes  into  our 
fancy  be  good  or  evil,  useful  or  hurtful.  In  winter  when  it 

[20] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

rains,  we  want  the  sun  in  Leo,  and  in  the  month  of  August  the 
clouds  to  discharge  themselves;  not  reflecting  that  were  this 
the  case,  the  seasons  would  be  turned  topsyturvy,  the  seed 
sown  would  be  lost,  the  crops  would  be  destroyed,  the 
bodies  of  men  would  faint  away,  and  nature  would  go 
head  over  heels.  Therefore,  let  us  leave  Heaven  to  its 
own  course;  for  it  has  made  the  tree  to  mitigate  with  wood 
the  severity  of  winter,  and  leaves  to  soften  the  heat  of 
summer." 

"  You  speak  like  Solomon !  "  said  the  youth ;  "  but  you  can- 
not deny  that  this  month  of  March,  in  which  we  now  are,  is 
very  impertinent  to  send  all  this  frost  and  rain,  snow  and  hail, 
wind  and  storm,  these  fogs  and  tempests  and  other  troubles, 
that  make  one's  life  a  burden." 

"  You  tell  only  the  ill  of  this  poor  month,"  replied  Lise,  "  but 
do  not  speak  of  the  benefits  it  yields  to  us;  for,  by  bringing 
forward  the  spring,  it  commences  the  production  of  things, 
helps  along  the  cause  with  the  sun,  and  leads  him  to  the  house 
of  the  rain." 

The  youth  was  greatly  pleased  at  what  Lise  said,  for  he  was 
in  truth  no  other  than  March  himself,  who  had  arrived 
at  that  inn  with  his  eleven  brothers,  and  to  reward  Lise's 
goodness,  who  had  not  found  anything  evil  to  say  of  a 
month  so  sad  that  the  shepherds  do  not  like  to  mention  it, 
he  gave  him  a  beautiful  little  casket,  saying,  "  Take  this,  and 
if  you  want  anything,  only  ask  for  it,  and,  opening  this  box, 
you  will  see  it  before  you."  Lise  thanked  the  youth,  with 
many  expressions  of  respect,  and  laying  the  little  box  under  his 
head  by  way  of  a  pillow,  he  went  to  sleep. 

As  soon,  however,  as  the  sun,  with  the  pencil  of  his  rays, 
had  retouched  the  dark  shadows  of  the  night,  Lise  took  leave 
of  the  youth  and  set  out  on  his  way.  But  he  had  hardly  pro- 
ceeded fifty  steps  from  the  inn,  when,  opening  the  casket,  he 
said :  "  Ah,  my  friend,  I  wish  I  had  a  litter  lined  with  cloth, 
and  with  a  little  fire  inside,  that  I  might  travel  warm  and  com- 
fortable through  the  snow ! "  No  sooner  had  he  uttered  the 
words,  than  there  appeared  a  litter,  with  bearers,  who,  lifting 

[21] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

him  up,  placed  him  in  it ;  whereupon  he  told  them  to  carry  him 
home. 

When  the  hour  was  come  for  food,  Lise  opened  the 
little  box  and  said :  "  I  wish  for  something  to  eat."  And 
instantly  there  appeared  a  profusion  of  the  choicest  food; 
such  a  banquet  that  ten  crowned  kings  might  have  feasted 
on  it. 

One  evening,  having  come  to  a  wood,  which  did  not  give 
admittance  to  the  sun,  because  he  came  through  suspected 
places,1  Lise  opened  the  little  casket  and  said :  "  I  should  like 
to  rest  to-night  on  this  beautiful  spot,  where  the  river  is  mak- 
ing counterpoint  on  the  stones  as  accompaniment  to  the  canto- 
fermo  of  the  cool  breezes/'  And  instantly  there  appeared, 
under  an  oilcloth  tent,  a  couch  of  fine  scarlet,  with  down  mat- 
tresses, covered  with  a  Spanish  counterpane  and  sheets  as  light 
as  a  feather.  Then  he  asked  for  something  to  eat,  and  in  a 
trice  there  was  set  out  a  sideboard  covered  with  silver  and 
gold  fit  for  a  prince,  and  under  another  tent  a  table  spread 
with  viands,  the  savory  smell  of  which  extended  a  hundred 
miles. 

When  he  had  eaten  enough,  he  laid  himself  down  to  sleep, 
and  as  soon  as  the  cock,  who  is  the  spy  of  the  sun,  announced 
to  his  master  that  the  shades  of  night  were  worn  and  wearied, 
and  it  was  now  time  for  him,  like  a  skilful  general,  to  fall 
upon  the  rear  and  make  a  slaughter  of  them,  Lise  opened  his 
little  box  and  said :  "  I  wish  to  have  a  handsome  dress,  for  to- 
day I  shall  see  my  brother,  and  I  should  like  to  make  his  mouth 
water."  No  sooner  said  than  done;  immediately  a  princely 
dress  of  the  richest  black  velvet  appeared,  with  edgings  of  red 
camlet,  and  a  lining  of  yellow  cloth  embroidered  all  over,  which 
looked  like  a  field  of  flowers ;  so,  dressing  himself,  Lise  got  into 
the  litter,  and  soon  reached  his  brother's  house. 

When  Cianne  saw  his  brother  arrive  with  all  his  splendor 
and  luxury,  he  wished  to  know  what  good  fortune  had  be- 
fallen him.  Then  Lise  told  him  of  the  youths  whom  he  had 

*  Alluding  to  the  quarantine  which  ships  were  subject  to  in  coming 
from  the  East. 

[22] 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

met  at  the  inn,  and  of  the  present  they  had  made  him,  but  he 
kept  to  himself  the  conversation  of  the  youths. 

Cianne  was  all  impatience  to  get  away  from  his  brother,  and 
told  him  to  go  and  rest  himself,  as  he  was  no  doubt  tired. 
Then  he  started  post-haste,  and  soon  arrived  at  the  inn,  where, 
finding  the  same  youths,  he  fell  into  chat  with  them.  And 
when  the  youth  asked  him  the  same  question,  what  he  thought 
of  the  month  of  March,  Cianne,  making  a  big  mouth,  said: 
"  Confound  the  miserable  month !  the  enemy  of  the  shepherds, 
which  stirs  up  all  the  ill-humors  and  brings  sickness  to  our 
bodies — a  month  of  which,  whenever  we  want  to  announce 
ruin  to  a  man,  we  say, '  Go ;  March  has  shaved  you,'  a  month, 
in  short,  so  hateful  that  it  would  be  the  best  fortune  for  the 
world,  the  greatest  blessing  to  the  earth,  the  greatest  gain  to 
men,  were  it  excluded  from  the  band  of  brothers." 

March,  who  heard  himself  thus  slandered,  suppressed  his 
anger  till  the  morning,  intending  then  to  reward  Cianne  for  his 
calumny;  and  when  Cianne  wished  to  depart,  he  gave  him  a 
fine  whip,  saying  to  him,  "  Whenever  you  wish  for  anything, 
only  say,  *  Whip,  give  me  an  hundred ! '  and  you  shall  see  pearls 
strung  upon  a  rush." 

Cianne,  thanking  the  youth,  went  his  way  in  great  haste,  not 
wishing  to  make  trial  of  the  whip  until  he  reached  home.  But 
hardly  had  he  set  foot  in  the  house,  when  he  went  into  a  secret 
chamber,  intending  to  hide  the  money  which  he  expected  to 
receive  from  the  whip,  and  he  said,  "  Whip,  give  me  an  hun- 
dred ! "  whereupon  the  whip  gave  him  more  than  he  looked 
for,  making  counterpoint  on  his  legs  and  face  like  a  musical 
composer,  so  that  Lise,  hearing  his  cries,  came  running  out 
of  the  study ;  and  when  he  saw  that  the  whip,  like  a  runaway 
horse,  could  not  stop  itself,  he  opened  the  little  box  and  brought 
it  to  a  standstill.  Then  he  asked  Cianne  what  had  happened  to 
him,  and,  upon  hearing  his  story,  he  told  him  he  had  no  one 
to  blame  but  himself,  for,  like  a  blockhead,  he  alone  had  caused 
his  misfortune,  acting  like  a  camel  that  wanted  to  have  horns 
and  lose  his  ears.  He  bade  him  mind  another  time  and  keep 
a  bridle  on  his  tongue,  which  was  the  key  that  had  opened  to 

[23] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

him  the  storehouse  of  misfortune;  for  if  he  had  spoken  well 
of  the  youths,  he  would,  perhaps,  have  had  the  same  good  luck 
as  himself,  and  he  cautioned  him  especially  to  speak  well  of 
every  one  in  future,  good  words  being  a  merchandise  that  costs 
nothing,  and  usually  brings  profit  that  is  not  expected.  In  con- 
clusion, Lise  comforted  him,  bidding  him  not  seek  more  wealth 
than  Heaven  had  given  him,  that  his  little  casket  would  suffice 
to  fill  the  houses  of  thirty  misers,  and  Cianne  should  be  master 
of  all  he  possessed,  since,  to  the  generous  man,  Heaven  is 
treasurer,  and  he  added  that,  although  another  brother  might 
have  ill-will  toward  Cianne  for  the  cruelty  with  which  he  had 
treated  him  in  his  poverty,  yet  he  reflected  that  his  avarice  had 
been  a  favorable  wind  which  had  brought  him  to  this  port, 
and  therefore  wished  to  show  himself  grateful  for  the  benefit. 
When  Cianne  heard  these  things,  he  begged  his  brother's 
pardon  for  his  past  unkindness,  and,  entering  into  partner- 
ship, they  enjoyed  together  their  good  fortune,  and  from  that 
time  forward  Cianne  spoke  well  of  everything,  however  bad 
it  might  be. 


[24] 


The  Stone  in  the  Cock's  Head 


was  once  in  the  City  of  Dark-Grotto  a  certain 
man  named  Minecco  Aniello,  who  was  so  persecuted 
by  fortune  that  all  his  household  goods  and  movables 
consisted  only  of  a  short-legged  cock,  which  he  had  reared 
upon  bread-crumbs.  But  one  morning,  being  driven  frantic 
with  an  appetite  (for  hunger  drives  the  wolf  from  the  thicket), 
he  took  .it  into  his  head  to  sell  the  cock  ;  and,  taking  it  to  the 
market,  he  met  two  thievish  magicians,  with  whom  he  made  a 
bargain,  and  sold  it  for  half  a  crown.  They  told  him  to 
take  it  to  their  house  and  they  would  count  him  out  the 
money,  and  they  went  their  way,  but  Minecco  Aniello,  fol- 
lowing them,  overheard  them  talking  gibberish  together  and 
saying,  "  Who  would  have  told  us  that  we  would  meet  with 
such  a  piece  of  good  luck,  Jennarone?  This  cock  will  make 
our  fortune  to  a  certainty  by  the  stone  which,  you  know,  he 
has  in  his  pate.  We  will  quickly  have  it  set  in  a  ring,  and 
then  we  shall  everything  we  could  ask  for."  "  Be  quiet,  Jaco- 
vuccio,"  answered  Jennarone  ;  "  I  see  myself  rich,  and  can 
hardly  believe  it;  and  I  am  longing  to  twist  the  cock's  neck, 
and  give  a  kick  in  the  face  of  beggary  ;  for  in  this  world  vir- 
tue without  money  goes  for  nothing,  and  a  man  is  judged  of 
by  his  coat." 

When  Minecco  Aniello,  who  had  traveled  about  in  the  world 
and  eaten  bread  from  more  than  one  oven,  heard  this  gibberish, 
he  turned  on  his  heel  and  scampered  off,  and,  running  home, 
he  twisted  the  cock's  neck,  and  opening  its  head,  found  the 
stone,  which  he  had  instantly  set  in  a  brass  ring.  Then,  to 
make  a  trial  of  its  virtue,  he  said  :  "  I  wish  to  become  a  youth 
eighteen  years  old." 

Hardly  had  he  uttered  the  words,  when  his  blood  began  to 

[25] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

flow  more  quickly,  his  nerves  became  stronger,  his  limbs  firm- 
er, his  flesh  fresher,  his  eyes  more  fiery,  his  silver  hairs  were 
turned  to  gold ;  his  mouth,  which  was  a  sacked  village,  became 
peopled  with  teeth ;  his  beard,  which  was  as  thick  as  wood,  be- 
came like  a  nursery  garden;  in  short,  he  was  changed  to  a 
most  beautiful  youth.  Then  he  said  again :  "  I  wish  for  a  splen- 
did palace,  and  to  marry  a  king's  daughter,"  and  lo,  there  in- 
stantly appeared  a  palace  of  incredible  magnificence,  in  which 
were  apartments  that  would  amaze  you,  columns  to  astound 
you,  pictures  to  fill  you  with  wonder;  silver  glittered  around 
and  gold  was  trodden  under  foot ;  the  jewels  dazzled  your  eyes ; 
the  servants  swarmed  like  ants,  the  horses  and  carriages  were 
not  to  be  counted ;  in  short,  there  was  such  a  display  of  riches 
that  the  king  stared  at  the  sight,  and  willingly  gave  him  his 
daughter,  Nalalizia. 

Meanwhile  the  magicians,  having  discovered  Minecco  Ani- 
ello's  great  wealth,  laid  a  plan  to  rob  him  of  his  good  fortune ; 
so  they  made  a  pretty  little  doll,  which  played  and  danced  by 
means  of  clockwork,  and,  dressing  themselves  like  merchants, 
they  went  to  Pentella,  the  daughter  of  Minecco  Aniello,  under 
pretext  of  selling  it  to  her.  When  Pentella  saw  the  beautiful 
little  thing,  she  asked  them  what  price  they  put  upon  it,  and 
they  replied  that  it  could  not  be  bought  for  money,  but  that 
she  might  have  it  and  welcome  if  she  would  only  do  them  a 
favor,  which  was  to  let  them  see  the  make  of  the  ring  which 
her  father  possessed,  in  order  to  take  a  model  and  make  another 
like  it ;  then  they  would  give  her  the  doll  without  any  payment 
at  all. 

Pentella,  who  had  never  heard  the  proverb,  "  Think  well 
before  you  buy  anything  cheap,"  instantly  accepted  this  offer, 
and  bade  them  return  the  next  morning,  when  she  promised 
to  ask  her  father  to  lend  her  the  ring.  So  the  magicians  went 
away,  and  when  her  father  returned  home,  Pentella  coaxed 
and  caressed  him,  until  at  last  she  persuaded  him  to  give  her 
the  ring,  making  the  excuse  that  she  was  sad  at  heart,  and 
wished  to  divert  her  mind  a  little. 

When  the  next  day  came,  as  soon  as  the  scavenger  of  the 

[26] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

sun  swept  the  last  trace  of  the  shades  from  the  streets  and 
squares  of  heaven,  the  magicians  returned,  and  no  sooner  had 
they  the  ring  in  their  hands  than  they  instantly  vanished,  and 
not  a  trace  of  them  was  to  be  seen,  so  that  poor  Pentella  had 
like  to  have  died  with  terror. 

But  when  the  magicians  came  to  a  wood,  where  the  branches 
of  some  of  the  trees  were  dancing  a  sword  dance,  and  the 
boughs  of  others  were  playing  together  at  hot-cockles,  they 
desired  the  ring  to  break  the  spell  by  which  the  old  man  had 
become  young  again,  and  instantly  Minecco  Aniello,  who  was 
just  at  that  minute  in  the  presence  of  the  king,  was  suddenly 
seen  to  grow  hoary,  his  hairs  to  whiten,  his  forehead  to 
wrinkle,  his  eyebrows  to  grow  bristly,  his  eyes  to  sink  in, 
his  face  to  be  furrowed,  his  mouth  to  become  toothless,  his 
beard  to  grow  bushy,  his  back  to  be  humped,  his  legs  to 
tremble,  and,  above  all,  his  glittering  garments  to  return  to 
rags  and  tatters. 

The  king,  seeing  this  miserable  beggar  seated  beside  him  at 
table,  ordered  him  to  be  instantly  driven  away  with  blows  and 
hard  words;  whereupon  Aniello,  thus  suddenly  fallen  from 
his  good  luck,  went  weeping  to  his  daughter,  and  asked  for  the 
ring  in  order  to  set  matters  to  rights  again.  But  when  he  heard 
the  fatal  trick  of  the  false  merchant,  he  was  ready  to  throw 
himself  out  of  the  window,  cursing  a  thousand  times  the  ig- 
norance of  his  daughter,  who,  for  the  sake  of  a  silly  doll,  had 
turned  him  into  a  miserable  scarecrow,  arid  for  a  paltry  thing 
of  rags  had  brought  him  to  rags  himself,  adding  that  he  was 
resolved  to  go  wandering  about  the  world,  like  a  bad  shilling, 
until  he  should  get  tidings  of  those  merchants.  So  saying,  he 
threw  a  cloak  about  his  neck  and  a  wallet  on  his  back,  drew 
his  sandals  on  his  feet,  took  a  staff  in  his  hand,  and,  leaving 
his  daughter  all  chilled  and  frozen,  he  set  out  walking  desper- 
ately on  until  he  came  to  the  kingdom  of  Deep-Hole,  inhabited 
by  mice,  where,  having  been  taken  for  a  big  spy  of  the  cats,  he 
was  instantly  led  before  Rosecone,1  the  king.  The  king  at  once 
asked  him  who  he  was,  whence  he  came,  and  what  he  was 

» Nibbler. 
[27] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

about  in  that  country;  and  Minecco  Aniello,  after  first  giving 
the  king  a  cheese-paring,  in  sign  of  tribute,  related  to  him  all 
his  misfortunes,  one  by  one,  and  concluded  by  saying  that  he 
was  resolved  to  continue  his  toil  and  travel  until  he  could  get 
tidings  of  those  thievish  villains  who  had  robbed  him  of  so 
precious  a  jewel,  taking  from  him  at  once  the  flower  of  his 
youth,  the  source  of  his  wealth,  and  the  prop  of  his  honor. 

At  these  words  Rosecone  felt  pity  nibbling  at  his  heart ;  and 
wishing  to  comfort  the  poor  man,  he  summoned  the  oldest  mice 
to  a  council,  and  asked  their  opinions  on  the  misfortunes  of 
Minecco  Aniello,  commanding  them  to  use  all  diligence  and 
endeavor  to  obtain  some  tidings  of  those  false  merchants.  Now 
among  the  rest  it  happened  that  Rudolo  and  Saltariello  1  were 
present,  good  mice  who  were  used  to  the  ways  of  the  world, 
and  had  lived  for  six  years  at  a  tavern  of  great  resort  hard  by, 
and  they  said  to  Aniello :  "  Be  of  good  heart,  comrade !  Mat- 
ters will  turn  out  better  than  you  imagine.  You  must  know 
that  one  day,  when  we  were  in  a  room  at  the  hostelry  of  the 
Horn,  where  the  most  famous  men  of  the  world  lodge  and 
make  merry,  two  persons  from  the  Hook  Castle  came  in,  who, 
after  they  had  eaten  their  fill  and  had  seen  the  bottom  of  their 
flagon,  fell  to  talking  of  a  trick  they  had  played  a  certain  old 
man  of  Dark-Grotto,  and  how  they  had  cheated  him  out  of  a 
stone  of  great  value,  which  one  of  them,  named  Jennarone, 
said  he  would  never  take  from  his  finger,  that  he  might  not 
run  the  risk  of  losing  it,  as  the  old  man's  daughter  had  done. 

When  Minecco  Aniello  heard  this,  he  told  the  two  mice  that 
if  they  would  trust  themselves  to  accompany  him  to  the  country 
where  these  rogues  lived,  and  recover  the  ring  for  him,  he 
would  give  them  a  good  lot  of  cheese  and  salt  meat,  which 
they  might  eat  and  enjoy  with  his  majesty,  the  king.  Then 
the  two  mice,  after  bargaining  for  a  suitable  reward,  offered 
to  go  over  sea  and  mountain,  and  taking  leave  of  his  mousy 
majesty,  they  set  out. 

After  journeying  a  long  way,  they  arrived  at  Hook  Castle, 
where  the  mice  told  Minecco  Aniello  to  remain  under  some 
1  Nibbler  and  Skipjack. 
[28] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

trees  on  the  brink  of  the  river,  which,  much  like  a  leech,  drew 
the  moisture  from  the  land  and  discharged  it  into  the  sea. 
Then  they  went  to  seek  the  house  of  the  magicians ;  and,  ob- 
serving that  Jennarone  never  took  the  ring  from  his  finger, 
they  stood  to  gain  the  victory  by  stratagem;  so,  waiting  till 
night  had  dyed  with  purple  grape-juice  the  sunburnt  face  of 
heaven,  and  the  magicians  had  gone  to  bed  and  were  fast 
asleep,  Rudolo  began  to  nibble  the  finger  on  which  the  ring 
was;  whereupon  Jennarone,  feeling  the  smart,  took  the  ring 
off  and  laid  it  on  a  table  at  the  bed's  head.  But  as  soon  as  Sal- 
tariello  saw  this,  he  bobbed  the  ring  into  his  mouth,  and  in  four 
skips  he  was  off  to  find  Minecco  Aniello,  and  with  even  greater 
joy  than  the  man  at  the  gallows  feels  when  the  pardon  arrives, 
he  instantly  turned  the  magicians  into  two  jackasses,  and, 
throwing  his  mantle  over  one  of  them,  he  bestrode  him  like  a 
noble  count;  then  he  loaded  the  other  with  cheese  and  bacon, 
and  set  off  toward  Deep-Hole,  where,  having  given  presents  to 
the  king  and  his  counselors,  he  thanked  them  for  all  the  good 
fortune  he  had  received  by  their  assistance,  praying  Heaven 
that  no  mouse-trap  might  ever  lay  hold  of  them,  that  no  cat 
might  ever  harm  them,  and  that  no  arsenic  might  ever  poison 
them.  Then,  leaving  that  country,  Minecco  Aniello  returned 
to  Dark-Grotto,  even  more  handsome  than  before,  and  was  re- 
ceived by  the  king  and  his  daughter  with  the  greatest  affection 
of  the  heart,  and  having  ordered  the  two  asses  cast  down  from 
a  rock,  he  lived  happily  with  his  wife,  never  more  taking  the 
ring  from  his  finger,  that  he  might  not  again  commit  such  a 
folly. 


[29] 


The  Fox  and  the  Cat 

/N  a  certain  forest  there  once  lived  a  fox,  and  near  to  the 
fox  lived  a  man  who  had  a  cat  that  had  been  a  good 
mouser  in  its  youth,  but  was  now  old  and  half-blind. 
The  man  didn't  want  puss  any  longer,  but  not  liking  to  kill 
him,  took  him  out  into  the  forest  and  lost  him  there.  Then 
the  fox  came  up  and  said : 

"  Why,  Mr.  Shaggy  Matthew !  How  d'ye  do  ?  What  brings 
you  here  ?  " 

"  Alas !  "  said  pussy,  "  my  master  loved  me  as  long  as  I 
could  bite,  but  now  that  I  can  bite  no  longer,  and  have  left  off 
catching  mice — and  I  used  to  catch  them  finely  once — he 
doesn't  like  to  kill  me,  but  he  has  left  me  in  the  wood,  where 
I  must  perish  miserably." 

"  No,  dear  pussy !  "  said  the  fox ;  "  you  leave  it  to  me,  and 
I'll  help  you  get  your  daily  bread." 

"  You  are  very  good,  dear  little  sister  foxy !  "  said  the  cat, 
and  the  fox  built  him  a  little  shed  with  a  garden  round  it  to 
walk  about  in. 

Now  one  day  the  hare  came  to  steal  the  man's  cabbage. 
"  Kreem-kreem-kreem !  "  he  squeaked.  But  the  cat  popped  his 
head  out  of  the  window,  and  when  he  saw  the  hare,  he  put  up 
his  back  and  stuck  up  his  tail  and  said : 

"  Ft-t-t-t-t-Frrrrrrr ! " 

The  hare  was  frightened  and  ran  away  and  told  the  bear, 
the  wolf,  and  the  wild  boar  all  about  it. 

"  Never  mind,"  said  the  bear,  "  I  tell  you  what,  we'll  all  four 
give  a  banquet,  and  invite  the  fox  and  the  cat,  and  do  for  the 
pair  of  them.  Now,  look  here !  I'll  steal  the  man's  mead ;  and 
you,  Mr.  Wolf,  steal  his  fat-pot ;  and  you,  Mr.  Wildboar,  root 
up  his  fruit  trees ;  and  you,  Mr.  Bunny,  go  and  invite  the  fox 
and  the  cat  to  dinner." 

[30] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

So  they  made  everything  ready  as  the  bear  had  said,  and  the 
hare  ran  off  to  invite  the  guests.  He  came  beneath  the  window 
and  said: 

"We  invite  your  little  ladyship,  Foxy-Woxy,  together  with 
Mr.  Shaggy  Matthew,  to  dinner  " — and  back  he  ran  again. 

"  But  you  should  have  told  them  to  bring  their  spoons  with 
them,"  said  the  bear. 

"  Oh,  what  a  head  I've  got !  if  I  didn't  quite  forget !  "  cried 
the  hare,  and  back  he  went  again,  ran  beneath  the  window, 
and  cried: 

"  Mind  you  bring  your  spoons !  " 

"Very  well,"  said  the  fox. 

So  the  cat  and  the  fox  went  to  the  banquet,  and  when  the 
cat  saw  the  bacon,  he  put  up  his  back  and  stuck  out  his  tail 
and  cried: 

"  Mee-oo,  mee-oo ! "  with  all  his  might.  But  they  thought 
he  said : 

"Ma-lo,  ma-lo!"1 

"  What !  "  said  the  bear,  who  was  hiding  behind  the  beeches 
with  the  other  beasts,  "  here  have  all  we  four  been  getting  to- 
gether all  we  could,  and  this  pig-faced  cat  calls  it  too  little! 
What  a  monstrous  cat  he  must  be  to  have  such  an  appetite ! " 

So  they  were  all  four  very  frightened,  and  the  bear  climbed 
up  a  tree,  and  the  others  hid  where  they  could.  But  when  the 
cat  saw  the  boar's  bristles  sticking  out  from  behind  the  bushes 
he  thought  it  was  a  mouse,  and  put  up  his  back  again  and 
cried : 

"Ft!  ft!  ft!    Frrrrrrr!" 

Then  they  were  more  frightened  than  ever.  And  the  boar 
went  into  a  bush  still  farther  off,  and  the  wolf  went  behind  an 
oak,  and  the  bear  got  down  from  the  tree,  and  climbed  up  into 
a  bigger  one,  and  the  hare  ran  right  away. 

But  the  cat  remained  in  the  midst  of  all  the  good  things  and 
ate  away  at  the  bacon,  and  the  little  fox  gobbled  up  the  honey, 
and  they  ate  and  ate  till  they  couldn't  eat  any  more,  and  then 
they  both  went  home  licking  their  paws. 

i  What  a  little!  what  a  little! 


The  Straw  Ox 

rHERE  was  once  upon  a  time  an  old  man  and  an  old 
woman.  The  old  man  worked  in  the  fields  as  a  pitch 
burner,  while  the  old  woman  sat  at  home  and  spun 
flax.  They  were  so  poor  that  they  could  save  nothing  at  all; 
all  their  earnings  went  in  bare  food,  and  when  that  was  gone 
there  was  nothing  left.  At  last  the  old  woman  had  a  good 
idea. 

"  Look,  now,  husband,"  cried  she,  "  make  me  a  straw  ox, 
and  smear  it  all  over  with  tar." 

"  Why,  you  foolish  woman !  "  said  he,  "  what's  the  good  of 
an  ox  of  that  sort  ?  " 

"  Never  mind,"  said  she ;  "  you  just  make  it.  I  know  what 
I  am  about." 

What  was  the  poor  man  to  do?  He  set  to  work  and  made 
the  ox  of  straw,  and  smeared  it  all  over  with  tar. 

The  night  passed  away,  and  at  early  dawn  the  old  woman 
took  her  distaff  and  drove  the  straw  ox  out  into  the  steppe  to 
graze,  and  she  herself  sat  down  behind  a  hillock  and  began 
spinning  her  flax,  and  cried : 

"  Graze  away,  little  ox,  while  I  spin  my  flax ;  graze  away, 
little  ox,  while  I  spin  my  flax !  "  And  while  she  spun,  her  head 
drooped  down,  and  she  began  to  doze,  and  while  she  was  doz- 
ing, from  behind  the  dark  wood  and  from  the  back  of  the  huge 
pines  a  bear  came  rushing  out  upon  the  ox  and  said : 

"  Who  are  you  ?    Speak  and  tell  me !  " 

And  the  ox  said: 

"  A  three-year-old  heifer  am  I,  made  of  straw  and  smeared 
with  tar." 

"  Oh !  "  said  the  bear,  "  stuffed  with  straw  and  trimmed  with 
tar,  are  you  ?  Then  give  me  of  your  straw  and  tar,  that  I  may 
patch  up  my  ragged  fur  again !  " 

[32] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  Take  some,"  said  the  ox,  and  the  bear  fell  upon  him  and 
began  to  tear  away  at  the  tar. 

He  tore  and  tore,  and  buried  his  teeth  in  it  till  he  found  he 
couldn't  let  go  again.  He  tugged  and  he  tugged,  but  it  was 
no  good,  and  the  ox  dragged  him  gradually  off,  goodness 
knows  where.  Then  the  old  woman  awoke,  and  there  was 
no  ox  to  be  seen.  "  Alas !  old  fool  that  I  am !  "  cried  she, 
"  perchance  it  has  gone  home."  Then  she  quickly  caught 
up  her  distaff  and  spinning-board,  threw  them  over  her  shoul- 
ders, and  hastened  off  home,  and  she  saw  that  the  ox  had 
dragged  the  bear  up  to  the  fence,  and  in  she  went  to  her 
old  man.  "  Dad,  dad !  "  she  cried,  "  look,  look !  the  ox  has 
brought  us  a  bear.  Come  out  and  kill  it ! "  Then  the  old 
man  jumped  up,  tore  off  the  bear,  tied  him  up,  and  threw 
him  in  the  cellar. 

Next  morning,  between  dark  and  dawn,  the  old  woman  took 
her  distaff  and  drove  the  ox  into  the  steppe  to  graze.  She  her- 
self sat  down  by  a  mound,  began  spinning,  and  said : 

"  Graze,  graze  away,  little  ox,  while  I  spin  my  flax !  Graze, 
graze  away,  little  ox,  while  I  spin  my  flax ! "  And  while  she 
spun,  her  head  drooped  down,  and  she  dozed.  And,  lo!  from 
behind  the  dark  wood,  from  the  back  of  the  huge  pines,  a  gray 
wolf  came  rushing  out  upon  the  ox  and  said : 

"  Who  are  you  ?    Come,  tell  me !  " 

"I  am  a  three-year-old  heifer,  stuffed  with  straw  and 
trimmed  with  tar,"  said  the  ox. 

"  Oh,  trimmed  with  tar,  are  you  ?  Then  give  me  of  your  tar 
to  tar  my  sides,  that  the  dogs  and  the  sons  of  dogs  tear  me 
not!" 

"  Take  some,"  said  the  ox.  And  with  that  the  wolf  fell  upon 
him  and  tried  to  tear  the  tar  off.  He  tugged  and  tugged,  and 
tore  with  his  teeth,  but  could  get  none  off.  Then  he  tried  to 
let  go,  and  couldn't;  tug  and  worry  as  he  might,  it  was  no 
good.  When  the  old  woman  woke,  there  was  no  heifer  in 
sight.  "  Maybe  my  heifer  has  gone  home !  "  she  cried ;  "  I'll 
go  home  and  see."  When  she  got  there  she  was  astonished, 
for  by  the  paling  stood  the  ox  with  the  wolf  still  tugging  at  it. 

[33] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

She  ran  and  told  her  old  man,  and  her  old  man  came  and  threw 
the  wolf  into  the  cellar  also. 

On  the  third  day  the  old  woman  again  drove  her  ox  into  the 
pastures  to  graze,  and  sat  down  by  a  mound  and  dozed  off. 
Then  a  fox  came  running  up.  "  Who  are  you  ?  "  it  asked 
the  ox. 

"  I'm  a  three-year-old  heifer,  stuffed  with  straw  and  daubed 
with  tar." 

"  Then  give  me  some  of  your  tar  to  smear  my  sides  with, 
when  those  dogs  and  sons  of  dogs  tear  my  hide !  " 

"  Take  some,"  said  the  ox.  Then  the  fox  fastened  her  teeth 
in  him  and  couldn't  draw  them  out  again.  The  old  woman 
told  her  old  man,  and  he  took  and  cast  the  fox  into  the  cellar 
in  the  same  way.  And  after  that  they  caught  Pussy  Swiftfoot l 
likewise. 

So  when  he  had  got  them  all  safely  the  old  man  sat  down  on 
a  bench  before  the  cellar  and  began  sharpening  a  knife.  And 
the  bear  said  to  him: 

"  Tell  me,  daddy,  what  are  you  sharpening  your  knife  for  ?  " 

"  To  flay  your  skin  off,  that  I  may  make  a  leather  jacket  for 
myself  and  a  pelisse  for  my  old  woman." 

"  Oh,  don't  flay  me,  daddy  dear !  Rather  let  me  go,  and 
I'll  bring  you  a  lot  of  honey." 

"  Very  well,  see  you  do  it,"  and  he  unbound  and  let  the 
bear  go.  Then  he  sat  down  on  the  bench  and  again  began 
sharpening  his  knife.  And  the  wolf  asked  him : 

"  Daddy,  what  are  you  sharpening  your  knife  for  ?  " 

"  To  flay  off  your  skin,  that  I  may  make  me  a  warm  cap 
against  the  winter." 

"  Oh !  Don't  flay  me,  daddy  dear,  and  I'll  bring  you  a 
whole  herd  of  little  sheep." 

"  Well,  see  that  you  do  it,"  and  he  let  the  wolf  go. 

Then  he  sat  down,  and  began  sharpening  his  knife  again. 
The  fox  put  out  her  little  snout,  and  asked  him : 

"  Be  so  kind,  dear  daddy,  and  tell  me  why  you  are  sharpen- 
ing your  knife  ?  " 

» The  hare. 

[34] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  Little  foxes,"  said  the  old  man,  "  have  nice  skins  that  do 
capitally  for  collars  and  trimmings,  and  I  want  to  skin  you !  " 

"  Oh !  Don't  take  my  skin  away,  daddy  dear,  and  I  will 
bring  you  hens  and  geese." 

"  Very  well,  see  that  you  do  it !  "  and  he  let  the  fox  go. 

The  hare  now  alone  remained,  and  the  old  man  began  sharp- 
ening his  knife  on  the  hare's  account. 

"  Why  do  you  do  that  ?  "  asked  puss,  and  he  replied : 

"  Little  hares  have  nice  little,  soft,  warm  skins,  which  will 
make  me  nice  gloves  and  mittens  against  the  winter !  " 

"  Oh,  daddy  dear !  Don't  flay  me,  and  I'll  bring  you  kale 
and  good  cauliflower,  if  only  you  let  me  go !  " 

Then  he  let  the  hare  go  also. 

Then  they  went  to  bed :  but  very  early  in  the  morning,  when 
it  was  neither  dusk  nor  dawn,  there  was  a  noise  in  the  door- 
way like  "  Durrrrrr !  " 

"  Daddy !  "  cried  the  old  woman,  "  there's  some  one  scratch- 
ing at  the  door ;  go  and  see  who  it  is ! " 

The  old  man  went  out,  and  there  was  the  bear  carrying  a 
whole  hive  full  of  honey.  The  old  man  took  the  honey  from 
the  bear;  but  no  sooner  did  he  lie  down  than  again  there  was 
another  "  Durrrrr !  "  at  the  door.  The  old  man  looked  out  and 
saw  the  wolf  driving  a  whole  flock  of  sheep  into  the  court- 
yard. Close  on  his  heels  came  the  fox,  driving  before  him 
geese  and  hens,  and  all  manner  of  fowls ;  and  last  of  all  came 
the  hare,  bringing  cabbage  and  kale,  and  all  manner  of  good 
food.  And  the  old  man  was  glad,  and  the  old  woman  was  glad. 
And  the  old  man  sold  the  sheep  and  oxen,  and  got  so  rich  that 
he  needed  nothing  more.  As  for  the  straw-stuffed  ox,  it  stood 
in  the  sun  till  it  fell  to  pieces. 


[35] 


The  Cat,  the  Cock,  and  the  Fox 

rHERE  was  once  upon  a  time  a  cat  and  a  cock,  who 
agreed  to  live  together ;  so  they  built  them  a  hut  in  a 
barnyard,  and  the  cock  kept  house  while  the  cat  went 
foraging  for  sausages.    One  day  the  fox  came  running  up : 
"  Open  the  door,  little  cock !  "  cried  she. 
"  Pussy  told  me  not  to,  little  fox !  "  said  the  cock. 
"  Open  the  door,  little  cock !  "  repeated  the  fox. 
"  I  tell  you  pussy  told  me  not  to,  little  fox !  " 
At  last,  however,  the  cock  grew  tired  of  always   saying 
"  No ! "  so  he  opened  the  door,  and  in  the  fox  rushed,  seized 
him  in  her  jaws,  and  ran  off  with  him.    Then  the  cock  cried : 

"Help!  pussy-pussy! 
That  foxy  hussy 
Has  got  me  tight 
With  all  her  might. 
Across  her  tail 
My  legs  do  trail 
Along  the  bridge  so  stony!" 

The  cat  heard  it,  gave  chase  to  the  fox,  rescued  the  cock, 
brought  him  home,  scolded  him  well,  and  said : 

"  Now  keep  out  of  her  jaws  in  the  future  if  you  don't  want 
to  be  killed  altogether !  " 

Then  the  cat  went  out  foraging  for  wheat,  so  that  the  cock 
might  have  something  to  eat.  He  had  scarcely  gone  when  the 
sly  she-fox  again  came  creeping  up. 

"  Dear  little  cock !  "  said  she,  "  pray  open  the  door !  " 

"  Nay,  little  fox !    Pussy  said  I  wasn't  to." 

But  the  fox  went  on  asking  and  asking  till  at  last  the  cock 
let- him  in,  when  the  fox  rushed  at  him,  seized  him  by  the  neck, 
and  ran  off  with  him.  Then  the  cock  cried  out : 

[36] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"Help!  pussy -pussy! 
That  foxy  hussy 
Has  got  me  tight 
With  all  her  might. 
Across  her  tail 
My  legs  do  trail 
Along  the  bridge  so  stony!" 

The  cat  heard  it,  and  again  he  ran  after  the  fox  and  rescued 
the  cock,  and  gave  the  fox  a  sound  drubbing.  Then  he  said  to 
the  cock : 

"  Now,  mind  you,  never  let  her  come  in  again,  or  she'll  eat 
you." 

But  the  next  time  the  cat  went  out,  the  she-fox  came  again, 
and  said : 

"  Dear  little  cock,  open  the  door !  " 

"  No,  little  fox !    Pussy  said  I  wasn't  to." 

But  the  fox  begged  and  begged  so  piteously  that  at  last  the 
cock  was  quite  touched,  and  opened  the  door.  Then  the  fox 
caught  him  by  the  throat  again,  and  ran  away  with  him,  and 
the  cock  cried: 

"Help!  pussy-pussy! 
That  foxy  hussy 
Has  got  me  tight 
With  all  her  might. 
Across  her  tail 
My  legs  do  trail 
Along  the  bridge  so  stony!" 

The  cat  heard  it,  and  gave  chase  again.  He  ran  and  ran,  but 
this  time  he  couldn't  catch  the  fox  up;  so  he  returned  home 
and  wept  bitterly,  because  he  was  now  all  alone.  At  last,  how- 
ever, he  dried  his  tears  and  got  him  a  little  fiddle,  a  little  fiddle- 
bow,  and  a  big  sack,  and  went  to  the  fox's  hole  and  began  to 
play: 

"Fiddle-de-dee! 

The  foxy  so  wee 

Had  daughters  twice  two, 

And  a  little  son  too, 

[37] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

Oh,  fiddle-de-dee! 
Come,  foxy,  and  see 
My  sweet  minstrelsy!" 

Then  the  fox's  daughter  said: 

"  Mammy,  I'll  go  out  and  see  who  it  is  that  is  playing  so 
nicely!" 

So  out  she  skipped,  but  no  sooner  did  pussy  see  her  than  he 
caught  hold  of  her  and  popped  her  into  his  sack.  Then  he 
played  again: 

"Fiddle-de-dee! 
The  foxy  so  wee 
Had  daughters  twice  two, 
And  a  little  son  too 
Oh!  Fiddle-de-dee! 
Come,  foxy,  and  see 
My  sweet  minstrelsy!" 

Then  the  second  daughter  skipped  out,  and  pussy  caught  her 
by  the  forehead,  and  popped  her  into  his  sack,  and  went  on 
playing  and  singing  till  he  had  got  all  four  daughters  into  his 
sack,  and  the  little  son  also. 

Then  the  old  fox  was  left  all  alone,  and  she  waited  and 
waited,  but  not  one  of  them  came  back.  At  last  she  said  to 
herself : 

"  I'll  go  out  and  call  them  home,  for  the  cock  is  roasting, 
and  the  milk  pottage  is  simmering,  and  'tis  high  time  we  had 
something  to  eat." 

So  out  she  popped,  and  the  cat  pounced  upon  her  and  killed 
her  too.  Then  he  went  and  drank  up  all  the  soup,  and  gobbled 
up  all  the  pottage,  and  then  he  saw  the  cock  lying  on  a  plate. 

"  Come,  shake  yourself,  cock !  "  said  puss. 

So  the  cock  shook  himself,  and  got  up,  and  the  cat  took  the 
cock  home,  and  the  dead  foxes  too.  And  when  they  got  home 
they  skinned  them  to  make  nice  beds  to  lie  upon,  and  lived 
happily  together  in  peace  and  plenty.  And  as  they  laughed 
over  the  joke  as  a  good  joke,  we  may  laugh  over  it  too. 


[38] 


The  Fox  and  the  Dove 


upon  a  time  there  was  a  dove  who  built  her  nest  in 
a  high  tree.  Every  year,  about  the  time  when  her  young 
ones  were  beginning  to  get  feathers,  Reynard  Sly-Boots 
would  come  along  and  say  to  the  dove  : 

"  Give  me  your  young  ones  to  eat  ;  throw  them  down  to  me 
of  your  own  accord,  or  I  will  gobble  you  up,  as  well  as  them  !  " 

The  dove,  frightened  at  the  threat,  would  throw  down  the 
young  birds  and  thus  it  had  happened  year  after  year. 

Now  one  day,  as  the  dove  sat  most  melancholy  upon  her  nest, 
a  great  bird  flew  up  and  asked  why  she  was  so  sad  and  down- 
cast. And  the  dove  answered  that  it  was  because  Reynard 
would  soon  come  and  eat  up  her  young  ones. 

Upon  this  the  great  bird  replied,  "  Oh,  you  goose  !  Why 
do  you  throw  them  down  to  him?  Just  bid  your  good  friend 
to  please  give  himself  the  trouble  to  come  after  them.  Then 
you'll  soon  see  him  sneak  away  with  his  tail  between  his  legs, 
for  Reynard  cannot  climb  a  tree." 

So  when  the  time  came  round  and  Reynard  again  presented 
himself,  the  dove  said  to  him,  "  If  you  want  meat  for  dinner, 
just  be  so  kind  as  to  come  up  and  help  yourself." 

When  the  fox  saw  that  he  must  go  away  empty  he  asked 
the  dove  who  had  counseled  her  to  speak  thus,  and  she  an- 
swered : 

"  The  great  bird  that  has  a  nest  yonder  near  the  stream." 

Reynard  at  once  betook  himself  to  the  stream  and  remon- 
strated with  the  great  bird  for  building  his  nest  in  so  exposed 
a  place,  asking  what  he  did  in  case  of  a  high  wind. 

The  great  bird  answered,  "  When  the  wind  blows  from  the 
right  I  turn  to  the  left  ;  when  it  blows  from  the  left  I  turn  to 
the  right." 

[39] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  But  what  do  you  do  when  it  blows  from  all  sides  ?  "  asked 
the  fox. 

'''  Then  I  stick  my  head  under  my  wing,"  said  the  great  bird, 
showing  how  he  did  it.  But  quick  as  a  wink,  when  the  great 
bird  stuck  his  head  under  his  wing,  Reynard  Sly-Boots  sprang 
upon  him  and  seized  him,  saying : 

u  You  know  how  to  give  counsel  to  other s^  but  not  to  ad- 
vise yourself." 

So  he  ate  him  up! 


[40] 


The   Fox  and  the  Hedgehog 

4  HEDGEHOG  met  Master  Reynard  in  a  field,  and 
j£j    said  to  him,  "  Hello,  master!    Whither  away?  " 
JL  JL         "  Oh,  Fm  just  loafing  around!  "  answered  the  fox. 

"  Tell  me,  now,"  said  Reynard  to  the  hedgehog,  after  they 
had  been  chatting  a  while,  "  how  manifold  is  your  under- 
standing? " 

"  Threefold,"  answered  the  hedgehog. 

"  Why,  how  is  that  ?  "  asked  the  fox. 

"  Why,  you  see,  I  have  one  sense  above,  one  below,  and  the 
third  everywhere,"  replied  the  hedgehog;  and  added:  "And 
how  manifold  is  your  understanding?  " 

"  Oh,  mine  is  seventy-sevenfold,"  answered  the  fox. 

"  Well,  well !  "  said  the  hedgehog. 

Thereupon  they  walked  along  through  the  fields,  and  so 
eagerly  were  they  talking  that  they  gave  no  heed  to  the  way, 
and  presently  stumbled  into  a  wolf's  den.  Then  was  good 
counsel  precious!  How  should  they  ever  get  out  of  this 
scrape  ? 

Said  Reynard  to  the  hedgehog,  "  Come  now,  search  around 
in  your  head-piece  for  a  means  of  getting  out  of  this  pickle." 

"  I  should  have  done  that  before,"  answered  the  hedgehog, 
"  but  I  was  afraid  that  by  and  by  you  would  curse  me.  How 
shall  I,  a  little  hedgehog,  with  only  a  threefold  understanding, 
devise  anything  better  than  you,  who  have  a  seventy-sevenfold 
understanding?  " 

However,  after  talking  back  and  forth  a  long  time,  the  hedge- 
hog made  this  suggestion :  "  Say,  Reynard,  just  seize  me  by  the 
ear  and  throw  me  up  out  of  the  den,  because  I  am  the  smaller." 

"  Yes,  but  how  shall  I  get  out?  " 

"  Oh,  just  stick  up  your  tail,  and  I  will  pull  you  out! " 

[41] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

So  Reynard  seized  the  hedgehog  by  the  ear  and  tossed  him 
up  out  of  the  den.  Then  he  called  upon  him  to  keep  his  word. 
"  Hello,  there,  Gossip,  now  pull  me  out !  " 

"  Do  you  know  what,"  answered  the  hedgehog,  "  I'll  tell  you 
something.  I  have  only  a  threefold  understanding,  and  yet  I 
found  a  way  of  helping  myself.  Now  do  you  help  yourself 
with  your  seventy-sevenfold  understanding." 

By  this  time  a  peasant  came  along,  and  finding  the  fox  in  the 
den  he  made  short  work  with  him.  But  the  hedgehog  crept 
away  through  the  thicket  with  his  threefold  understanding, 
while  Reynard,  with  all  his  seventy-sevenfold  understanding, 
was  carried  off  by  the  peasant. 


[42] 


The  Disappointed  Bear 

upon  a  time  a  little  old  woman,  who  was  walking 
in  the  forest,  climbed  up  into  a  wild-cherry  tree  to 
gather  cherries.  Now,  a  bear  espied  her,  and  he  came 
under  the  tree  and  cried,  "  Come  down,  old  woman,  that  I 
may  eat  you !  " 

"  Go  along  with  you !  "  answered  the  old  woman.  "  Why 
should  you  eat  a  scrawny  old  woman  like  me.  Here,  gnaw 
upon  my  shoe  till  I  come  down,  and  I  will  take  you  to  my 
house;  I  have  two  little  children  there,  named  Janko  and 
Mirko;  they  will  make  you  a  right  savory  dish.  So  have 
patience  till  you  get  them." 

So  said  the  little  old  woman,  and  threw  down  one  of  her 
shoes.  Master  Bruin  gnawed  and  gnawed  upon  it,  but  the 
more  he  gnawed  the  hungrier  he  grew.  Greatly  enraged,  he 
screamed  up  to  the  old  woman : 

"  Come  down,  you  old  wench,  and  let  me  eat  you !  " 

"  Just  wait  a  little  longer,  till  the  old  wench  has  gath- 
ered enough  cherries,"  she  answered.  "  Here,  gnaw  this 
other  shoe  a  while;  she'll  soon  come  down  and  show  you 
the  way  to  her  house."  So  saying,  she  threw  down  the 
other  shoe. 

When  Bruin  found  that  the  second  shoe  was  no  juicier  than 
the  first,  he  made  no  further  effort,  but  contented  himself  with 
thinking  of  the  fat  little  children  at  the  old  woman's  house. 
When  she  had  gathered  cherries  enough,  down  she  came  and 
went  home,  the  bear  tramping  along  behind  her. 

When  they  reached  the  house  the  old  woman  said :  "  I'll  tell 
you  what;  first  let  me  give  the  children  a  good  supper,  that 
they  may  be  all  the  fatter;  and  meanwhile  do  you  run  about 
till  evening  to  get  up  a  better  appetite." 

[43] 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

So  Bruin  went  away  and  ran  about  in  the  woods  all  the  rest 
of  the  day,  and  at  evening  he  came  back  to  the  hut. 

"  Here  I  am,  little  mother !  "  he  cried ;  "  now  bring  out 
Janko  and  Mirko,  and  see  me  polish  them  off.  I  am  starving 
to  death ! " 

"  Oho !  "  answered  the  little  old  woman  from  within ;  "  Janko 
has  made  the  door  fast  with  bolts,  and  I  have  just  put  Mirko 
to  sleep.  I  couldn't  think  of  waking  him.  And  the  little 
mother  is  so  old  and  weak  that  she  can't  unbolt  the  door  alone. 
Come  some  other  day !  " 

Then  Master  Bruin  perceived  that  he  had  been  fooled,  and 
he  walked  reluctantly  away,  with  drooping  snout  and  an  empty 
stomach. 


[44] 


Young  Neverfull 


sj  CERTAIN  housewife  had  a  young  servant  lad  who 

>nf     devoured  everything  eatable  that  lay  in  his  way.    He 

JL  JL     would  rummage  in  the  storeroom  until  he  smelled 

out  something  good,  and  would  give  himself  no  rest  until  he 

had  devoured  it  all. 

Now,  the  woman  had  a  jar  of  preserved  fruit,  and,  as  she 
feared  that  the  youngster  would  eat  it  and  leave  her  nothing 
to  put  into  her  pies,  she  said  to  him : 

"  My  good  boy,  you  have  now  eaten  everything  that  I  have 
except  this  jam,  and  you  have  left  this  just  as  if  you  knew  that 
it  was  poisoned.  See  how  kind  Heaven  is  to  have  preserved 
you  from  it.  One  single  spoonful  is  enough  to  kill  one  in- 
stantly, so  I  warn  you  not  to  touch  it  unless  you  want  to  die." 

"  Very  well,"  answered  the  boy. 

On  the  next  Sunday,  as  the  woman  was  getting  ready  to  go 
to  mass,  she  said  to  the  boy :  "  Cook  the  soup  and  boil  the  meat 
and  roast  this  duck ;  we  will  have  a  good  dinner  to-day.  See 
that  you  have  all  done  and  ready  when  I  come  home." 

"  Very  well ;  it  shall  all  be  done,"  answered  the  boy. 

When  the  woman  was  gone  he  cooked  the  soup  and  boiled 
the  meat,  and  then  he  put  the  duck  upon  the  spit  to  roast. 
When  he  saw  what  a  delicious  brown  crisp  was  forming  all 
over  the  duck,  he  thought,  "  It  can  roast  itself  another  one," 
and  ate  the  crisp  all  off.  He  turned  the  spit  and  turned  it,  but 
the  second  brown  crisp  never  came. 

When  he  saw  this,  he  thought :  "  When  the  mistress  comes 
home  she  will  pepper  me  well,"  and  he  began  to  consider  how 
he  could  escape  a  beating.  In  his  desperation  he  remembered 
the  jar  of  poison  against  which  his  mistress  had  warned  him 
the  day  before.  With  a  sudden  resolution  he  went  into  the 

[45] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

storeroom  and  devoured  the  whole  jarful  of  preserved  fruit, 
and  then  crouched  down  in  a  corner  to  wait  for  death. 

Presently  his  mistress  came  home  and  cried  out  angrily: 
"  What  have  you  done  to  this  duck  ?  "  She  was  about  to  be- 
labor him  well,  when  he  cried :  "  Ah,  leave  me  in  peace,  dear 
mistress !  I  shall  die  in  a  minute,  anyway,  for  I  have  eaten  up 
all  the  poison ! "" 

At  this  the  woman  broke  out  into  a  laugh  and  could  not  re- 
fuse to  forgive  him.  The  duck  and  the  preserves,  however, 
were  gone  all  the  same. 


[46] 


Hudden  and  Dudden  and  Donald 
O'Neary 

rHERE  was  once  upon  a  time  two  farmers,  and  their 
names  were  Hudden  and  Dudden.  They  had  poultry 
in  their  yards,  sheep  on  the  uplands,  and  scores  of 
cattle  in  the  meadow  land  alongside  the  river.  But  for  all  that 
they  weren't  happy,  for  just  between  their  two  farms  there 
lived  a  poor  man  by  the  name  of  Donald  O'Neary.  He  had 
a  hovel  over  his  head  and  a  strip  of  grass  that  was  barely 
enough  to  keep  his  one  cow,  Daisy,  from  starving,  and,  though 
she  did  her  best,  it  was  but  seldom  that  Donald  got  a  drink 
of  milk  or  a  roll  of  butter  from  Daisy.  You  would  think  there 
was  little  here  to  make  Hudden  and  Dudden  jealous,  but  so  it 
is,  the  more  one  has  the  more  one  wants,  and  Donald's  neigh- 
bors lay  awake  of  nights  scheming  how  they  might  get  hold 
of  his  little  strip  of  grass  land.  Daisy,  poor  thing,  they  never 
thought  of ;  she  was  just  a  bag  of  bones. 

One  day  Hudden  met  Dudden,  and  they  were  soon  grumbling 
as  usual,  and  all  to  the  tune  of  "If  only  we  could  get  that 
vagabond,  Donald  O'Neary,  out  of  the  country." 

"  Let's  kill  Daisy,"  said  Hudden  at  last ;  "  if  that  doesn't 
make  him  clear  out,  nothing  will." 

No  sooner  said  than  agreed ;  and  it  wasn't  dark  before  Hud- 
den and  Dudden  crept  up  to  the  little  shed  where  lay  poor 
Daisy,  trying  her  best  to  chew  the  cud,  though  she  hadn't  had 
as  much  grass  in  the  day  as  would  cover  your  hand.  And 
when  Donald  came  to  see  if  Daisy  was  all  snug  for  the  night, 
the  poor  beast  had  only  time  to  lick  his  hand  once  before 
she  died. 

Well,  Donald  was  a  shrewd  fellow,  and,  downhearted  though 

[47] 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

he  was,  began  to  think  if  he  could  get  any  good  out  of  Daisy's 
death.  He  thought  and  he  thought,  and  the  next  day  you 
might  have  seen  him  trudging  off  early  to  the  fair,  Daisy's 
hide  over  his  shoulder,  every  penny  he  had  jingling  in  his 
pockets.  Just  before  he  got  to  the  fair,  he  made  several  slits 
in  the  hide,  put  a  penny  in  each  slit,  walked  into  the  best  inn 
of  the  town  as  bold  as  if  it  belonged  to  him,  and,  hanging  the 
hide  up  to  a  nail  in  the  wall,  sat  down. 

"  Some  of  your  best  whisky,"  says  he  to  the  landlord.  But 
the  landlord  didn't  like  his  looks.  "  Is  it  fearing  I  won't  pay 
you,  you  are  ?  "  says  Donald ;  "  why,  I  have  a  hide  here  that 
gives  me  all  the  money  I  want."  And  with  that  he  hit  it  a 
whack  with  his  stick,  and  out  hopped  a  penny.  The  landlord 
opened  his  eyes,  as  you  may  fancy. 

"  What'll  you  take  for  that  hide?  " 

"  It's  not  for  sale,  my  good  man." 

"  Will  you  take  a  gold  piece?  " 

"  It's  not  for  sale,  I  tell  you.  Hasn't  it  kept  me  and  mine  for 
years  ?  "  and  with  that  Donald  hit  the  hide  another  whack,  and 
out  jumped  a  second  penny. 

Well,  the  long  and  the  short  of  it  was  that  Donald  let  the 
hide  go,  and,  that  very  evening,  who  but  he  should  walk  up 
to  Hudden's  door? 

"  Good-evening,  Hudden.  Will  you  lend  me  your  best  pair 
of  scales  ?  " 

Hudden  stared  and  Hudden  scratched  his  head,  but  he  lent 
the  scales. 

When  Donald  was  safe  at  home,  he  pulled  out  his  pocketful 
of  bright  gold,  and  began  to  weigh  each  piece  in  the  scales. 
But  Hudden  had  put  a  lump  of  butter  at  the  bottom,  and  so 
the  last  piece  of  gold  stuck  fast  to  the  scales  when  he  took  them 
back  to  Hudden. 

If  Hudden  had  stared  before,  he  stared  ten  times  more  now, 
and  no  sooner  was  Donald's  back  turned,  than  he  was  off  as 
hard  as  he  could  pelt  to  Dudden's. 

"Good-evening,    Dudden.     That   vagabond,    bad    luck    to 

him " 

[48] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  You  mean  Donald  O'Neary?  " 

"  And  who  else  should  I  mean  ?  He's  back  here  weighing 
out  sackfuls  of  gold/' 

"  How  do  you  know  that  ?  " 

"  Here  are  my  scales  that  he  borrowed,  and  here's  a  gold 
piece  still  sticking  to  them." 

Off  they  went  together,  and  they  came  to  Donald's  door. 
Donald  had  finished  making  the  last  pile  of  ten  gold  pieces. 
And  he  couldn't  finish,  because  a  piece  had  stuck  to  the  scales. 

In  they  walked  without  an  "  If  you  please  "  or  "  By  your 
leave." 

"  Well,  7  never !  "  that  was  all  they  could  say. 

"  Good-evening,  Hudden ;  good-evening,  Dudden.  Ah !  you 
thought  you  had  played  me  a  fine  trick,  but  you  never  did  me 
a  better  turn  in  all  your  lives.  When  I  found  poor  Daisy  dead, 
I  thought  to  myself,  '  Well,  her  hide  may  fetch  something '  ; 
and  it  did.  Hides  are  worth  their  weight  in  gold  in  the  market 
just  now." 

Hudden  nudged  Dudden,  and  Dudden  winked  at  Hudden. 

"  Good-evening,  Donald  O'Neary." 

"  Good-evening,  kind  friends." 

The  next  day  there  wasn't  a  cow  or  a  calf  that  belonged  to 
Hudden  or  Dudden  but  her  hide  was  going  to  the  fair  in  Hud- 
den's  biggest  cart,  drawn  by  Dudden's  strongest  pair  of  horses. 

When  they  came  to  the  fair,  each  one  took  a  hide  over  his 
arm,  and  there  they  were  walking  through  the  fair,  bawling 
out  at  the  top  of  their  voices :  "  Hides  to  sell !  hides  to  sell !  " 

Out  came  the  tanner : 

"  How  much  for  your  hides,  my  good  men  ?  " 

"  Their  weight  in  gold." 

"  It's  early  in  the  day  to  come  out  of  the  tavern."  That  was 
all  the  tanner  said,  and  back  he  went  to  his  yard. 

"  Hides  to  sell !    Fine  fresh  hides  to  sell !  " 

Out  came  the  cobbler : 

"  How  much  for  your  hides,  my  men  ?  " 

"  Their  weight  in  gold." 

"  Is  it  making  game  of  me  you  are  ?    Take  that  for  your 

[49] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

pains,"  and  the  cobbler  dealt  Hudden  a  blow  that  made  him 
stagger. 

Up  the  people  came  running  from  one  end  of  the  fair  to  the 
other.  "  What's  the  matter  ?  What's  the  matter  ?  "  cried  they. 

"  Here  are  a  couple  of  vagabonds  selling  hides  at  their 
weight  in  gold,''  said  the  cobbler. 

"  Hold  'em  fast ;  hold  'em  fast !  "  bawled  the  innkeeper,  who 
was  the  last  to  come  up,  he  was  so  fat.  "  I'll  wager  it's  one  of 
the  rogues  who  tricked  me  out  of  thirty  gold  pieces  yesterday 
for  a  wretched  hide." 

It  was  more  kicks  than  halfpence  that  Hudden  and  Dudden 
got  before  they  were  well  on  their  way  home  again,  and  they 
didn't  run  the  slower  because  all  the  dogs  of  the  town  were 
at  their  heels. 

Well,  as  you  may  fancy,  if  they  loved  Donald  little  before, 
they  loved  him  less  now. 

"  What's  the  matter,  friends  ?  "  said  he,  as  he  saw  them  tear- 
ing along,  their  hats  knocked  in,  and  their  coats  torn  off,  and 
their  faces  black  and  blue.  "  Is  it  fighting  you've  been  ?  or 
mayhap  you  met  the  police,  ill  luck  to  them  ?  " 

"  We'll  police  you,  you  vagabond.  It's  mighty  smart  you 
thought  yourself,  deluding  us  with  your  lying  tales." 

"  Who  deluded  you  ?  Didn't  you  see  the  gold  with  your 
own  two  eyes  ?  " 

But  it  was  no  use  talking.  Pay  for  it  he  must  and  should. 
There  was  a  meal-sack  handy,  and  into  it  Hudden  and  Dudden 
popped  Donald  O'Neary,  tied  him  up  tight,  ran  a  pole  through 
the  knot,  and  off  they  started  for  the  Brown  Lake  of  the  Bog, 
each  with  a  pole-end  on  his  shoulder,  and  Donald  O'Neary 
between. 

But  the  Brown  Lake  was  far,  the  road  was  dusty,  Hudden 
and  Dudden  were  sore  and  weary,  and  parched  with  thirst. 
There  was  an  inn  by  the  roadside. 

"  Let's  go  in,"  said  Hudden ;  "I'm  dead  beat.  It's  heavy  he 
is  for  the  little  he  had  to  eat." 

If  Hudden  was  willing,  so  was  Dudden.  As  for  Donald,  you 
may  be  sure  his  leave  wasn't  asked,  but  he  was  dumped  down 

[50] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

at  the  inn  door  for  all  the  world  as  if  he  had  been  a  sack  of 
potatoes. 

"  Sit  still,  you  vagabond,"  said  Dudden ;  "  if  we  don't  mind 
waiting,  you  needn't." 

Donald  held  his  peace,  but  after  a  while  he  heard  the  glasses 
clink,  and  Hudden  singing  away  at  the  top  of  his  voice. 

"  I  won't  have  her,  I  tell  you ;  I  won't  have  her !  "  said  Don- 
ald. But  nobody  heeded  what  he  said. 

"  I  won't  have  her,  I  tell  you ;  I  won't  have  her !  "  said  Don- 
ald; and  this  time  he  said  it  louder;  but  nobody  heeded  what 
he  said. 

"  I  won't  have  her,  I  tell  you ;  I  won't  have  her !  "  said  Don- 
ald ;  and  this  time  he  said  it  as  loud  as  he  could. 

"  And  who  won't  you  have,  may  I  be  so  bold  as  to  ask  ?  " 
said  a  farmer,  who  had  just  come  up  with  a  drove  of  cattle, 
and  was  turning  in  for  a  glass. 

"  It's  the  king's  daughter.  They  are  bothering  the  life  out 
of  me  to  marry  her." 

"  You're  the  lucky  fellow.  I'd  give  something  to  be  in  your 
shoes." 

"  Do  you  see  that,  now !  Wouldn't  it  be  a  fine  thing  for  a 
farmer  to  be  marrying  a  princess,  all  dressed  in  gold  and 
jewels?" 

"  Jewels,  do  you  say  ?  Ah,  now,  couldn't  you  take  me  with 
you?" 

"  Well,  you're  an  honest  fellow,  and  as  I  don't  care  for  the 
king's  daughter,  though  she's  as  beautiful  as  the  day,  and  is 
covered  with  jewels  from  top  to  toe,  you  shall  have  her.  Just 
undo  the  cord  and  let  me  out ;  they  tied  me  up  tight,  as  they 
knew  I'd  run  away  from  her." 

Out  crawled  Donald ;  in  crept  the  farmer. 

"  Now  lie  still,  and  don't  mind  the  shaking ;  it's  only 
rumbling  over  the  palace  steps  you'll  be.  And  maybe  they'll 
abuse  you  for  a  vagabond,  who  won't  have  the  king's  daughter ; 
but  you  needn't  mind  that.  Ah,  it's  a  deal  I'm  giving  up  for 
you,  sure  as  it  is  that  I  don't  care  for  the  princess." 

"  Take  my  cattle  in  exchange,"  said  the  farmer ;  and  you 

[51] 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

may  guess  it  wasn't  long  before  Donald  was  at  their  tails, 
driving  them  homeward. 

Out  came  Hudden  and  Dudden,  and  the  one  took  one  end  of 
the  pole,  and  the  other  the  other. 

"  I'm  thinking  he's  heavier,"  said  Hudden. 

"  Ah,  never  mind,"  said  Dudden ;  "  it's  only  a  step  now  to 
the  Brown  Lake." 

"  I'll  have  her  now !  I'll  have  her  now !  "  bawled  the  farmer 
from  inside  the  sack. 

"  By  my  faith  and  you  shall,  though,"  said  Hudden,  and  he 
laid  his  stick  across  the  sack. 

"I'll  have  her!  I'll  have  her!"  bawled  the  farmer,  louder 
than  ever. 

"  Well,  here  you  are,"  said  Dudden,  for  they  were  now  come 
to  the  Brown  Lake,  and,  unslinging  the  sack,  they  pitched  it 
plump  into  the  lake. 

"  You'll  not  be  playing  your  tricks  on  us  any  longer,"  said 
Hudden. 

"  True  for  you,"  said  Dudden.  "  Ah,  Donald,  my  boy,  it 
was  an  ill  day  when  you  borrowed  my  scales !  " 

Off  they  went,  with  a  light  step  and  an  easy  heart,  but  when 
they  were  near  home,  whom  should  they  see  but  Donald 
O'Neary,  and  all  around  him  the  cows  were  grazing,  and  the 
calves  were  kicking  up  their  heels  and  butting  their  heads  to- 
gether. 

"  Is  it  you,  Donald  ?  "  said  Dudden.  "  Faith,  you've  been 
quicker  than  we  have." 

"  True  for  you,  Dudden,  and  let  me  thank  you  kindly ;  the 
turn  was  good,  if  the  will  was  ill.  You'll  have  heard,  like  me, 
that  the  Brown  Lake  leads  to  the  Land  of  Promise.  I  always 
put  it  down  as  lies,  but  it  is  just  as  true  as  my  word.  Look  at 
the  cattle." 

Hudden  stared,  and  Dudden  gaped;  but  they  couldn't  get 
over  the  cattle ;  fine,  fat  cattle  they  were,  too. 

"  It's  only  the  worst  I  could  bring  up  with  me,"  said  Donald 
O'Neary ;  "  the  others  were  so  fat,  there  was  no  driving  them. 
Faith,  too,  it's  little  wonder  they  didn't  care  to  leave,  with 

[52] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

grass  as  far  as  you  could  see,  and  as  sweet  and  juicy  as  fresh 
butter." 

"  Ah  now,  Donald,  we  haven't  always  been  friends,"  said 
Dudden,  "  but,  as  I  was  just  saying,  you  were  ever  a  decent 
lad,  and  you'll  show  us  the  way,  won't  you  ?  " 

"  I  don't  see  that  I'm  called  upon  to  do  that ;  there  is  a  power 
more  cattle  down  there.  Why  shouldn't  I  have  them  all  to 
myself?" 

"  Faith,  they  may  well  say,  the  richer  you  get,  the  harder 
the  heart.  You  always  were  a  neighborly  lad,  Donald.  You 
wouldn't  wish  to  keep  the  luck  all  to  yourself?  " 

"  True  for  you,  Hudden,  though  it's  a  bad  example  you  set 
me.  But  I'll  not  be  thinking  of  old  times.  There  is  plenty  for 
all  there,  so  come  along  with  me." 

Off  they  trudged,  with  a  light  heart  and  an  eager  step. 
When  they  came  to  the  Brown  Lake  the  sky  was  full  of  little 
white  clouds,  and,  if  the  sky  was  full,  the  lake  was  as  full. 

"  Ah,  now,  look !  there  they  are !  "  cried  Donald,  as  he 
pointed  to  the  clouds  in  the  lake. 

"  Where?  where?  "  cried  Hudden,  and  "  Don't  be  greedy!  " 
cried  Dudden,  as  he  jumped  his  hardest  to  be  up  first  with  the 
fat  cattle.  But  if  he  jumped  first,  Hudden  wasn't  long  behind. 

They  never  came  back.  Maybe  they  got  too  fat,  like  the 
cattle.  As  for  Donald  O'Neary,  he  had  cattle  and  sheep  all  his 
days  to  his  heart's  content. 


[53] 


The  Tail 

rHERE  was  a  shepherd  once  who  went  out  to  the  hill 
to  look  after  his  sheep.  It  was  misty  and  cold,  and 
he  had  much  trouble  to  find  them.  At  last  he  had 
them  all  but  one ;  and  after  much  searching  he  found  that  one, 
too,  in  a  peat  hag,  half  drowned ;  so  he  took  off  his  plaid,  and 
bent  down  and  took  hold  of  the  sheep's  tail  and  he  pulled !  The 
sheep  was  heavy  with  water,  and  he  could  not  lift  her,  so  he 
took  off  his  coat  and  he  pulled II  but  it  was  too  much  for  him, 
so  he  spit  on  his  hands,  and  took  a  good  hold  of  the  tail  and  he 
PULLED  ! !  and  the  tail  broke !  and  if  it  had  not  been  for  that 
this  tale  would  have  been  a  great  deal  longer. 


[54] 


Jack  and  the  King  who  was  a 
Gentleman 


childre:  wanst  upon  a  time,  when  pigs  was 
swine,  there  was  a  poor  widdy  woman  lived  all  alone 
with  her  wan  son  Jack  in  a  wee  hut  of  a  house,  that 
on  a  dark  night  ye  might  aisily  walk  over  it  by  mistake,  not 
knowin'  at  all,  at  all,  it  was  there,  barrin'  ye'd  happen  to  strike 
yer  toe  agin'  it.  An'  Jack  an'  his  mother  lived  for  lee  an' 
long,  as  happy  as  hard  times  would  allow  them,  in  this  wee  hut 
of  a  house,  Jack  sthrivin'  to  'arn  a  little  support  for  them  both 
by  workin'  out,  an'  doin'  wee  turns  back  an'  forrid  to  the 
neighbors.  But  there  was  one  winter,  ah'  times  come  to  look 
black  enough  for  them  —  nothin'  to  do,  an'  less  to  ate,  an'  clothe 
themselves  as  best  they  might  ;  an'  the  winther  wore  on,  gettin' 
harder  an'  harder,  till  at  length  when  Jack  got  up  out  of  his 
bed  on  a  mornin',  an'  axed  his  mother  to  make  ready  the  drop 
of  stirabout  for  their  little  brakwus  as  usual,  "  Musha,  Jack, 
a-mhic,"  says  his  mother,  says  she,  "  the  male-chist  —  thanks  be 
to  the  Lord  !  —  is  as  empty  as  Paddy  Ruadh's  donkey  that  used 
to  ate  his  brakwus  at  supper-time.  It  stood  out  long  an'  well, 
but  it's  empty  at  last,  Jack,  an'  no  sign  of  how  we're  goin'  to 
get  it  filled  again  —  only  we  trust  in  the  good  Lord  that  niver 
yet  disarted  the  widow  and  the  orphan  —  He'll  not  see  us  want- 
in',  Jack." 

"  The  Lord  helps  them  that  help  themselves,  mother,"  says 
Jack  back  again  to  her. 

"  Thrue  for  ye,  Jack,"  says  she,  "  but  I  don't  see  how  we're 
goin'  to  help  ourselves." 

"  He's  a  mortial  dead  mule  out  an'  out  that  hasn't  a  kick  in 
him,"  says  Jack.  "  An',  mother,  with  the  help  of  Providence 
—  not  comparin'  the  Christian  to  the  brute  baste  —  I  have  a  kick 

[55] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

in  me  yet ;  if  you  thought  ye  could  only  manage  to  sthrive  along 
the  best  way  you  could  for  a  week,  or  maybe  two  weeks,  till 
I  get  back  again  off  a  little  journey  I'd  like  to  undhertake." 

"  An'  may  I  make  bould  to  ax,  Jack,"  says  his  mother  to 
him,  "  where  would  ye  be  afther  makin'  the  little  journey  to?  " 

"  You  may  that,  then,  mother,"  says  Jack.  "  It's  this :  You 
know  the  King  of  Munsther  is  a  great  jintleman  entirely.  It's 
put  on  him,  he's  so  jintlemanly,  that  he  was  niver  yet  known  to 
make  use  of  a  wrong  or  disrespectable  word.  An'  he  prides 
himself  on  it  so  much  that  he  has  sent  word  over  all  the  known 
airth  that  he'll  give  his  beautiful  daughter — the  loveliest  pic- 
thur  in  all  Munsther,  an'  maybe  in  all  Irelan',  if  we'd  say  it — 
an'  her  weight  in  goold,  to  any  man  that  in  three  trials  will 
make  him  use  the  unrespectful  word,  an'  say,  '  Ye're  a  liar ! ' 
But  every  man  that  tries  him,  an'  fails,  loses  his  head.  All 
sorts  and  descriptions  of  people,  from  prences  an'  peers  down 
to  bagmen  an'  beggars,  have  come  from  all  parts  of  the  known 
world  to  thry  for  the  great  prize,  an'  all  of  them  up  to  this 
has  failed,  an'  by  consequence  lost  their  heads.  But,  mother 
dear,"  says  Jack,  "  where's  the  use  in  a  head  to  a  man  if  he 
can't  get  mail  for  it  to  ate?  So  I'm  goin'  to  thry  me  fortune, 
only  axin'  your  blissin'  an'  God's  blissin'  to  help  me  on  the 
way." 

"  Why,  Jack,  a-thaisge,"  says  his  mother,  "  it's  a  danger- 
some  task ;  but  as  you  remark,  where's  the  good  of  the  head 
to  ye  when  ye  can't  get  mail  to  put  in  it?  So  I  give  ye  my 
blissin',  an'  night,  noon,  an'  mornin'  I'll  be  prayin'  for  ye  to 
prosper." 

An'  Jack  set  out,  with  his  heart  as  light  as  his  stomach,  an' 
his  pocket  as  light  as  them  both  together;  but  a  man'll  not 
travel  far  in  ould  Irelan'  (thanks  be  to  God!)  on  the  bare- 
footed stomach — as  we'll  call  it — or  it'll  be  his  own  fault  if  he 
does ;  an'  Jack  didn't  want  for  plenty  of  first-class  aitin'  an' 
dhrinkin',  lashin's  an'  laivin's,  and  pressin'  him  to  more.  An' 
in  this  way  he  thraveled  away  afore  him  for  five  long  days 
till  he  come  to  the  King  of  Munsther's  castle.  And  when  he 
was  corned  there  he  rattled  on  the  gate,  an'  out  come  the  king. 

[56] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  Well,  me  man,"  says  the  king,  "  what  might  be  your  busi- 
ness here?" 

"  I'm  come  here,  your  Kingship,"  says  Jack,  mighty  polite, 
an'  pullin'  his  forelock,  be  raison  his  poor  ould  mother  had 
always  insthructed  him  in  the  heighth  of  good  breedin' — "  I'm 
come  here,  your  R'yal  Highness,"  says  Jack,  "  to  thry  for  yer 
daughter." 

"  Hum !  "  says  the  king.  "  Me  good  young  man,"  says  he, 
"  don't  ye  think  it  a  poor  thing  to  lose  yer  head  ?  " 

"  If  I  lose  it,"  says  Jack,  "  sure  one  consolation  'ill  be  that 
I'll  lose  it  in  a  glorious  cause." 

An'  who  do  ye  think  would  be  listenin'  to  this  same  delud- 
herin'  speech  of  Jack's,  from  over  the  wall,  but  the  king's 
beautiful  daughter  herself.  She  took  an  eyeful  out  of  Jack, 
an'  right  well  plaised  she  was  with  his  appearance,  for — 

"  Father,"  says  she  at  once,  "  hasn't  the  boy  as  good  a  right 
to  get  a  chance  as  another  ?  What's  his  head  to  you  ?  Let  the 
boy  in,"  says  she. 

An'  sure  enough,  without  another  word,  the  king  took  Jack 
within  the  gates,  an'  handin'  him  over  to  the  sarvints,  tould 
him  to  be  well  looked  afther  an'  cared  for  till  mornin'. 

Next  mornin'  the  king  took  Jack  with  him  an'  fetched  him 
out  into  the  yard.  "  Now  then,  Jack,"  says  he,  "  we're  goin' 
to  begin.  "  We'll  drop  into  the  stables  here,  an'  I'll  give  you 
your  first  chance." 

So  he  took  Jack  into  the  stables  an'  showed  him  some  won- 
dherful  big  horses,  the  likes  of  which  poor  Jack  never  saw 
afore,  an'  every  one  of  which  was  the  heighth  of  the  side  wall 
of  the  castle  an'  could  step  over  the  castle  walls,  which  were 
twenty-five  feet  high,  without  strainin'  themselves. 

"  Thems'  purty  big  horses,  Jack,"  says  the  king.  "  I  don't 
suppose  ever  ye  saw  as  big  or  as  wondherful  as  them  in  yer 
life." 

"  Oh,  they're  purty  big,  indeed,"  says  Jack,  takin'  it  as  cool 
as  if  there  was  nothin'  whatsomever  astonishin'  to  him  about 
them.  "  They're  purty  big,  indeed,"  says  Jack,  "  for  this  coun- 
thry.  But  at  home  with  us  in  Donegal  we'd  only  count  them 

[57] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

little  nags,  shootable  for  the  young  ladies  to  dhrive  in  pony- 
carriages." 

"  What ! "  says  the  king,  "do  ye  mane  to  tell  me  ye  have 
seen  bigger  in  Donegal  ?  " 

"  Bigger !  "  says  Jack.  "  Phew  !  Blood  alive,  yer  Kingship, 
I  seen  horses  in  my  father's  stable  that  could  step  over  your 
horses  without  thrippin'.  My  father  owned  one  big  horse — the 
greatest,  I  believe,  in  the  world  again." 

"  What  was  he  like  ?  "  says  the  king. 

"  Well,  yer  Highness,"  says  Jack,  "  it's  quite  beyond  me  to 
tell  ye  what  he  was  like.  But  I  know  when  we  wanted  to 
mount  it  could  only  be  done  by  means  of  a  step-laddher,  with 
nine  hundred  and  ninety  steps  to  it,  every  step  a  mile  high,  an* 
you  had  to  jump  seven  mile  off  the  topmost  step  to  get  on  his 
back.  He  ate  nine  ton  of  turnips,  nine  ton  of  oats,  an'  nine 
ton  of  hay  in  the  day,  an'  it  took  ninety-nine  men  in  the  day- 
time, an'  ninety-nine  more  in  the  night-time,  carrying  his  feeds 
to  him ;  an'  when  he  wanted  a  drink,  the  ninety-nine  men  had 
to  lead  him  to  a  lough  that  was  nine  mile  long,  nine  mile  broad, 
an'  nine  mile  deep,  an'  he  used  to  drink  it  dry  every  time,"  says 
Jack,  an'  then  he  looked  at  the  king,  expectin'  he'd  surely  have 
to  make  a  liar  of  him  for  that. 

But  the  king  only  smiled  at  Jack,  an'  says  he,  "  Jack,  that 
was  a  wonderful  horse  entirely,  an'  no  mistake." 

Then  he  took  Jack  with  him  out  into  the  garden  for  his 
second  trial,  an'  showed  him  a  bee-skep,  the  size  of  the  big- 
gest rick  of  hay  ever  Jack  had  seen;  an'  every  bee  in  the 
skep  was  the  size  of  a  thrush,  an'  the  queeny  bee  as  big  as 
a  jackdaw. 

"  Jack,"  says  the  king,  says  he,  "  isn't  them  wondherful  bees  ? 
I'll  warrant  ye,  ye  never  saw  anything  like  them?  " 

"  Oh,  they're  middlin' — midcllin'  fairish,"  says  Jack — "  for 
this  counthry.  But  they're  nothin'  at  all  to  the  bees  we  have 
in  Donegal.  If  one  of  our  bees  was  flying  across  the  fields," 
says  Jack,  "  and  one  of  your  bees  happened  to  come  in  its  way, 
an'  fall  into  our  bee's  eye,  our  bee  would  fly  to  the  skep,  an' 
ax  another  bee  to  take  the  mote  out  of  his  eye." 

[58] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  Do  you  tell  me  so,  Jack  ?  "  says  the  king.  "  You  must 
have  great  monsthers  of  bees." 

"  Monsthers !  "  says  Jack.  "  Ah,  yer  Highness,  monsthers 
is  no  name  for  some  of  them.  I  remimber,"  says  Jack,  says  he, 
"  a  mighty  great  breed  of  bees  me  father  owned.  They  were 
that  big  that  when  my  father's  new  castle  was  a-buildin'  (in 
the  steddin'  of  the  old  one  which  he  consaived  to  be  too  small 
for  a  man  of  his  mains),  and  when  the  workmen  closed  in  the 
roof,  it  was  found  there  was  a  bee  inside,  an'  the  hall  door  not 
bein'  wide  enough,  they  had  to  toss  the  side  wall  to  let  it  out. 
Then  the  queeny  bee — ah!  she  was  a  wondherful  baste  en- 
tirely !  "  says  Jack.  "  Whenever  she  went  out  to  take  the  air 
she  used  to  overturn  all  the  ditches  and  hedges  in  the  country ; 
the  wind  of  her  wings  tossed  houses  and  castles ;  she  used  to 
swallow  whole  flower  gardens ;  an'  one  day  she  flew  against  a 
ridge  of  mountains  nineteen  thousand  feet  high  and  knocked 
a  piece  out  from  top  to  bottom,  an'  it's  called  Barnesmore  Gap 
to  this  day.  This  queeny  bee  was  a  great  trouble  an'  annoy- 
ance to  my  father,  seein'  all  the  harm  she  done  the  naybors 
round  about ;  and  once  she  took  it  in  her  head  to  fly  over  to 
Englan',  an'  she  created  such  mischief  an'  desolation  there  that 
the  King  of  Englan'  wrote  over  to  my  father  if  he  didn't  come 
immaidiately  an'  take  home  his  queeny  bee  that  was  wrackin' 
an'  ruinin'  all  afore  her  he'd  come  over  himself  at  the  head  of 
all  his  army  and  wipe  my  father  off  the  face  of  the  airth.  So 
my  father  ordhered  me  to  mount  our  wondherful  big  horse  that 
I  tould  ye  about,  an'  that  could  go  nineteen  mile  at  every  step, 
an'  go  over  to  Englan'  an'  bring  home  our  queeny  bee.  An'  I 
mounted  the  horse  an'  started,  an'  when  I  come  as  far  as  the 
sea  I  had  to  cross  to  get  over  to  Englan',  I  put  the  horse's  two 
forefeet  into  my  hat,  an'  in  that  way  he  thrashed  the  sea  dry 
all  the  way  across  an'  landed  me  safely.  When  I  come  to  the 
King  of  Englan'  he  had  to  supply  me  with  nine  hundred  and 
ninety-nine  thousand  men  an'  ninety-nine  thousand  mile  of 
chains  an'  ropes  to  catch  the  queeny  bee  an'  bind  her.  It  took 
us  nine  years  to  catch  her,  nine  more  to  tie  her,  an'  nine  years 
and  nine  millions  of  men  to  drag  her  home,  an'  the  King  of 

[59] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

Englan'  was  a  beggar  afther  from  that  day  till  the  day  of  his 
death.  Now,  what  do  ye  think  of  that  bee  ?  "  says  Jack,  think- 
in'  he  had  the  king  this  time,  sure  enough. 

But  the  king  was  a  cuter  one  than  Jack  took  him  for,  an'  he 
only  smiled  again,  an'  says  he — 

"  Well,  Jack,  that  was  a  wondherful  great  queeny  bee  en- 
tirely." 

Next,  for  poor  Jack's  third  an'  last  chance,  the  king  took 
him  to  show  him  a  wondherful  field  of  beans  he  had,  with  every 
beanstalk  fifteen  feet  high,  an'  every  bean  the  size  of  a  goose's 

egg. 

"  Well,  Jack,"  says  the  king,  says  he,  "  I'll  engage  ye  never 
saw  more  wondherful  beanstalks  than  them  ?  " 

"  Is  it  them  ?  "  says  Jack.  "  Arrah,  man,  yer  Kingship,"  says 
he,  "  they  may  be  very  good — for  this  counthry ;  but  sure  we'd 
throw  them  out  of  the  ground  for  useless  afther-shoots  in 
Donegal.  I  mind  one  beanstalk  in  partickler,  that  my  father 
had  for  a  show  an'  a  cur'osity,  that  he  used  to  show  as  a  great 
wondher  entirely  to  sthrangers.  It  stood  on  ninety-nine  acres 
of  ground,  it  was  nine  hundred  mile  high,  an'  every  leaf  cov- 
ered nine  acres.  It  fed  nine  thousand  horses,  nine  thousand 
mules,  an*  nine  thousand  jackasses  for  nineteen  years.  He 
used  to  send  nine  thousand  harvestmen  up  the  stalk  in  spring 
to  cut  and  gather  off  the  soft  branches  at  the  top.  They  used 
to  cut  these  off  when  they'd  reach  up  as  far  as  them  (which  was 
always  in  the  harvest  time),  an'  throw  them  down,  an'  nine 
hundred  and  ninety-nine  horses  an'  carts  were  kept  busy  for 
nine  months  carting  the  stuff  away.  Then  the  harvestmen  al- 
ways reached  down  to  the  foot  of  the  stalk  at  Christmas  again." 

"  Faix,  Jack,"  says  the  king,  "  it  was  a  wondherful  bean- 
stalk, that,  entirely." 

"  You  might  say  that,"  says  Jack,  trying  to  make  the  most 
of  it,  for  he  was  now  on  his  last  leg.  "  You  might  say  that," 
says  he.  "  Why,  I  mind  one  year  I  went  up  the  stalk  with  the 
harvestmen,  an'  when  I  was  nine  thousand  mile  up,  doesn't  I 
miss  my  foot,  and  down  I  come.  I  fell  feet  foremost,  and  sunk 
up  to  my  chin  in  a  whinstone  rock  that  was  at  the  foot.  There 

[60] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

I  was  in  a  quandhary — but  I  was  not  long  ruminatin'  till  I 
hauled  out  my  knife,  an'  cut  off  my  head,  an'  sent  it  home  to 
look  for  help.  I  watched  after  it,  as  it  went  away,  an'  lo  an' 
behould  ye,  afore  it  had  gone  half  a  mile  I  saw  a  fox  set  on  it, 
and  begin  to  worry  it.  '  By  this  an'  by  that,'  says  I  to  meself, 
'  but  this  is  too  bad ! ' — an'  I  jumped  out  an'  away  as  hard  as  I 
could  run,  to  the  assistance  of  my  head.  An'  when  I  come  up, 
I  lifted  my  foot,  an'  give  the  fox  three  kicks,  an'  knocked  three 
kings  out  of  him — every  one  of  them  a  nicer  an'  a  better  jintle- 
man  than  you." 

"  Ye're  a  liar,  an'  a  rascally  liar,"  says  the  king. 

"  More  power  to  ye ! "  says  Jack,  givin'  three  buck  leaps 
clean  into  the  air,  "  an'  it's  proud  I  am  to  get  you  to  confess  it ; 
for  I  have  won  yer  daughter." 

Right  enough,  the  king  had  to  give  up  to  Jack  the  daughter 
— an'  be  the  same  token,  from  the  first  time  she  clapped  her 
two  eyes  on  Jack  she  wasn't  the  girl  to  gainsay  him — an'  her 
weight  in  goold.  An'  they  were  both  of  them  marrid,  an'  had 
such  a  weddin'  as  surpassed  all  the  weddin's  ever  was  heerd 
tell  of  afore  or  since  in  that  country  or  in  this.  An'  Jack  lost 
no  time  in  sendin'  for  his  poor  ould  mother,  an'  neither  herself 
nor  Jack  ever  after  knew  what  it  was  to  be  in  want.  An'  may 
you  an'  I  never  know  that  same  naither. 


[61] 


Hans  in   Luck 

TT  TfANS  had  served  his  master  for  seven  years,  when  he 

I    f     one  day  said  to  him  :  "  Master,  my  time  is  up ;  I  want 

•^  -^       to  go  home  to  my  mother ;  please  give  me  my  wages." 

His  master  answered,  "  You  have  served  me  well  and  faith- 
fully, and  as  the  service  has  been,  so  shall  the  wages  be."  And 
he  gave  him  a  lump  of  gold  as  big  as  his  head. 

Hans  took  out  his  pocket-handkerchief  and  tied  up  the  gold 
in  it,  and  then  slung  the  bundle  over  his*  shoulder,  and  started 
on  his  homeward  journey. 

As  he  walked  along,  just  putting  one  foot  before  the  other, 
a  man  on  horseback  appeared,  riding  gaily  and  merrily  along 
on  his  capering  steed. 

"  Ah !  "  said  Hans  quite  loud  as  he  passed,  "  what  a  fine 
thing  riding  must  be.  You  are  as  comfortable  as  if  you  were 
in  an  armchair;  you  don't  stumble  over  any  stones;  you  save 
your  shoes,  and  you  get  over  the  road  you  hardly  know  how." 

The  horseman,  who  heard  him,  stopped  and  said :  "  Hallo, 
Hans,  why  are  you  on  foot  ?  " 

"  I  can't  help  myself,"  said  Hans,  "  for  I  have  this  bundle  to 
carry  home.  It  is  true  that  it  is  a  lump  of  gold,  but  I  can 
hardly  hold  my  head  up  for  it,  and  it  weighs  down  my  shoulder 
frightfully." 

"  I'll  tell  you  what,"  said  the  horseman,  "  we  will  change. 
I  will  give  you  my  horse,  and  you  shall  give  me  your  bundle." 

"  With  all  my  heart,"  said  Hans ;  "  but  you  will  be  rarely 
weighted  with  it." 

The  horseman  dismounted,  took  the  gold,  and  helped  Hans 
up,  put  the  bridle  into  his  hands,  and  said :  "  When  you  want 
to  go  very  fast,  you  must  click  your  tongue  and  cry  '  Gee-up ! 
Gee-up!'" 

[62] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

Hans  was  delighted  when  he  found  himself  so  easily  riding 
along  on  horseback.  After  a  time  it  occurred  to  him  that  he 
might  be  going  faster,  and  he  began  to  click  with  his  tongue, 
and  to  cry,  "  Gee-up !  Gee-up !  "  The  horse  broke  into  a  gallop, 
and  before  Hans  knew  where  he  was  he  was  thrown  off  into  a 
ditch  which  separated  the  fields  from  the  highroad.  The 
horse  would  have  run  away  if  a  peasant  coming  along  the  road 
leading  a  cow,  had  not  caught  it.  Hans  felt  himself  all  over, 
and  picked  himself  up ;  but  he  was  very  angry,  and  said  to  the 
peasant :  "  Riding  is  poor  fun  at  times,  when  you  have  a  nag 
like  mine,  which  stumbles  and  throws  you,  and  puts  you  in 
danger  of  breaking  your  neck.  I  will  never  mount  it  again.  I 
think  much  more  of  your  cow  there.  You  can  walk  comfort- 
ably behind  her,  and  you  have  her  milk  into  the  bargain  every 
day,  as  well  as  butter  and  cheese.  What  would  I  not  give  for 
a  cow  like  that !  " 

"  Well,"  said  the  peasant,  "  if  you  have  such  a  fancy  for  it  as 
all  that,  I  will  exchange  the  cow  for  the  horse." 

Hans  accepted  the  offer  with  delight,  and  the  peasant 
mounted  the  horse  and  rode  rapidly  off. 

Hans  drove  his  cow  peacefully  on,  and  thought  what  a  lucky 
bargain  he  had  made.  "  If  only  I  have  a  bit  of  bread,  and  I 
don't  expect  ever  to  be  without  it,  I  shall  always  have  butter 
and  cheese  to  eat  with  it.  If  I  am  thirsty,  I  only  have  to  milk 
my  cow  and  I  have  milk  to  drink.  My  heart !  what  more  can 
you  desire  ?  " 

When  he  came  to  an  inn  he  made  a  halt,  and  in  his  great  joy 
he  ate  up  all  the  food  he  had  with  him,  all  his  dinner  and  his 
supper,  and  he  gave  the  last  coins  he  had  for  half  a  glass  of 
beer.  Then  he  went  on  farther  in  the  direction  of  his  mother's 
village,  driving  the  cow  before  him.  The  heat  was  very  oppres- 
sive, and,  as  midday  drew  near,  Hans  found  himself  on  a 
heath  which  it  took  him  an  hour  to  cross.  He  was  so  hot 
and  thirsty  that  his  tongue  was  parched  and  clung  to  the  roof 
of  his  mouth. 

"  This  can  easily  be  set  to  rights,"  thought  Hans.  "  I  will 
milk  my  cow  and  sup  up  the  milk."  He  tied  her  to  a  tree,  and 

[63] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

as  he  had  no  pail,  he  used  his  leather  cap  instead;  but,  try  as 
hard  as  he  liked,  not  a  single  drop  of  milk  appeared.  As  he 
was  very  clumsy  in  his  attempts,  the  impatient  animal  gave  him 
a  severe  kick  on  his  forehead  with  one  of  her  hind  legs.  He 
was  stunned  by  the  blow,  and  fell  to  the  ground,  where  he  lay 
for  some  time,  not  knowing  where  he  was. 

Happily,  just  then  a  butcher  came  along  the  road,  trundling 
a  young  pig  in  a  wheelbarrow. 

"  What  is  going  on  here  ? "  he  cried,  as  he  helped  poor 
Hans  up. 

Hans  told  him  all  that  had  happened. 

The  butcher  handed  him  his  flask,  and  said :  "  Here,  take  a 
drink,  it  will  do  you  good.  The  cow  can't  give  any  milk,  I  sup- 
pose; she  must  be  too  old,  and  good  for  nothing  but  to  be  a 
beast  of  burden,  or  go  to  the  butcher." 

"  Oh,  dear !  "  said  Hans,  smoothing  his  hair.  "  Now  who 
would  ever  have  thought  it!  Killing  the  animal  is  all  very 
well,  but  what  kind  of  meat  will  it  be  ?  For  my  part,  I  don't 
like  cow's  flesh ;  it's  not  juicy  enough.  Now,  if  one  had  a  nice 
young  pig  like  that,  it  would  taste  ever  so  much  better ;  and 
then,  all  the  sausages !  " 

"  Listen,  Hans ! "  then  said  the  butcher ;  "  for  your  sake  I 
will  exchange,  and  let  you  have  the  pig  instead  of  the  cow." 

"  God  reward  your  friendship !  "  said  Hans,  handing  over 
the  cow,  as  the  butcher  untied  the  pig,  and  put  the  halter  with 
which  it  was  tied  into  his  hand. 

Hans  went  on  his  way,  thinking  how  well  everything  was 
turning  out  for  him.  Even  if  a  mishap  befell  him,  something 
else  immediately  happened  to  make  up  for  it.  Soon  after  this, 
he  met  a  lad  carrying  a  beautiful  white  goose  under  his  arm. 
They  passed  the  time  of  day,  and  Hans  began  to  tell  him  how 
lucky  he  was,  and  what  successful  bargains  he  had  made.  The 
lad  told  him  that  he  was  taking  the  goose  for  a  christening 
feast.  "  Just  feel  it,"  he  went  on,  holding  it  up  by  the  wings. 
"  Feel  how  heavy  it  is ;  it's  true  they  have  been  stuffing  it  for 
eight  weeks.  Whoever  eats  that  roast  goose  will  have  to  wipe 
the  fat  off  both  sides  of  his  mouth." 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  Yes,  indeed !  "  answered  Hans,  weighing  it  in  his  hand ; 
"  but  my  pig  is  no  light  weight,  either." 

Then  the  lad  looked  cautiously  about  from  side  to  side,  and 
shook  his  head.  "  Now,  look  here,"  he  began ;  "  I  don't  think 
it's  all  quite  straight  about  your  pig.  One  has  just  been  stolen 
out  of  Schultze's  sty,  in  the  village  I  have  come  from.  I  fear, 
I  fear  it  is  the  one  you  are  leading.  They  have  sent  people  out 
to  look  for  it,  and  it  would  be  a  bad  business  for  you  if  you 
were  found  with  it;  the  least  they  would  do,  would  be  to  put 
you  in  the  black  hole." 

Poor  Hans  was  very  much  frightened  at  this.  "  Oh,  dear ! 
oh,  dear !  "  he  said.  "  Do  help  me  out  of  this  trouble.  You 
are  more  at  home  here;  take  my  pig,  and  let  me  have  your 
goose." 

"  Well,  I  shall  run  some  risk  if  I  do,  but  I  won't  be  the  means 
of  getting  you  into  a  scrape." 

So  he  took  the  rope  in  his  hand,  and  quickly  drove  the  pig 
up  a  side  road ;  and  honest  Hans,  relieved  of  his  trouble,  plodded 
on  with  the  goose  under  his  arm. 

"  When  I  really  come  to  think  it  over,"  he  said  to  himself, 
"  I  have  still  had  the  best  of  the  bargain.  First,  there  is  the 
delicious  roast  goose,  and  then  all  the  fat  that  will  drip  out  of 
it  in  cooking  will  keep  us  in  goose  fat  to  eat  on  our  bread  for 
three  months,  at  least ;  and,  last  of  all,  there  are  the  beautiful 
white  feathers,  which  I  will  stuff  my  pillow  with,  and  then  I 
shall  need  no  rocking  to  send  me  to  sleep.  How  delighted  my 
mother  will  be !  " 

As  he  passed  through  the  last  village  he  came  to  a  knife- 
grinder  with  his  cart,  singing  to  his  wheel  as  it  buzzed  merrily 
round — 

"Scissors  and  knives  I  grind  so  fast, 
And  hang  up  my  cloak  against  the  blast." 

Hans  stopped  to  look  at  him,  and  at  last  he  spoke  to  him  and 
said :  "  You  must  be  doing  a  good  trade  to  be  so  merry  over 
your  grinding." 

"  Yes,"  answered  the  grinder.     "  The  work  of  one's  hands 

[65] 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

has  a  golden  foundation.  A  good  grinder  finds  money  when- 
ever he  puts  his  hand  into  his  pocket.  But  where  did  you  buy 
that  beautiful  goose  ?  " 

"  I  did  not  buy  it ;  I  exchanged  my  pig  for  it." 

"And  the  pig?" 

"  Oh,  I  got  that  instead  of  my  cow." 

"And  the  cow?" 

"  I  got  that  for  a  horse." 

"And  the  horse?" 

"  I  gave  a  lump  of  gold  as  big  as  my  head  for  it." 

"And  the  gold?" 

"  Oh,  that  was  my  wages  for  seven  years'  service." 

"  You  certainly  have  known  how  to  manage  your  affairs," 
said  the  grinder.  "  Now,  if  you  could  manage  to  hear  the 
money  jingling  in  your  pockets  when  you  got  up  in  the  morn- 
ing, you  would  indeed  have  made  your  fortune." 

"  How  shall  I  set  about  that?  "  asked  Hans. 

"  You  must  be  a  grinder  like  me — nothing  is  needed  for  it 
but  a  whetstone;  everything  else  will  come  of  itself.  I  have 
one  here  which  certainly  is  a  little  damaged,  but  you  need  not 
give  me  anything  for  it  but  your  goose.  Are  you  willing?  " 

"  How  can  you  ask  me  such  a  question?  "  said  Hans.  "  Why, 
I  shall  be  the  happiest  person  in  the  world.  If  I  can  have  some 
money  every  time  I  put  my  hand  in  my  pocket,  what  more 
should  I  have  to  trouble  about?  " 

So  he  handed  him  the  goose,  and  took  the  whetstone  in 
exchange. 

"  Now,"  said  the  grinder,  lifting  up  an  ordinary  large  stone 
which  lay  near  on  the  road,  "  here  is  another  good  stone  into 
the  bargain.  You  can  hammer  out  all  your  old  nails  on  it  to 
straighten  them.  Take  it,  and  carry  it  off." 

Hans  shouldered  the  stone,  and  went  on  his  way  with  a  light 
heart,  and  his  eyes  shining  with  joy.  "  I  must  have  been  born 
in  a  lucky  hour !  "  he  cried  ;  "  everything  happens  just  as  I  want 
it,  and  as  it  would  happen  to  a  Sunday's  child." 

In  the  mean  time,  as  he  had  been  on  foot  since  daybreak,  he 
began  to  feel  very  tired,  and  he  was  also  very  hungry,  as  he 

[66] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

had  eaten  all  his  provisions  at  once,  in  his  joy  at  his  bargain 
over  the  cow.  At  last  he  could  hardly  walk  any  farther,  and  he 
was  obliged  to  stop  every  minute  to  rest.  Then  the  stones  were 
frightfully  heavy,  and  he  could  not  get  rid  of  the  thought  that 
it  would  be  very  nice  if  he  were  not  obliged  to  carry  them  any 
farther.  He  dragged  himself  like  a  snail  to  a  well  in  the  fields, 
meaning  to  rest  and  refresh  himself  with  c.  draught  of  the  cool 
water.  So  as  not  to  injure  the  stones  by  sitting  on  them,  he 
laid  them  carefully  on  the  edge  of  the  well.  Then  he  sat  down, 
and  was  about  to  stoop  down  to  drink  when  he  inadvertently 
gave  them  a  little  push,  and  both  the  stones  fell  straight  into 
the  water. 

When  Hans  saw  them  disappear  before  his  very  eyes  he 
jumped  for  joy,  and  then  knelt  down  and  thanked  God,  with 
tears  in  his  eyes,  for  having  shown  him  this  further  grace,  and 
relieved  him  of  the  heavy  stones  (which  were  all  that  remained 
to  trouble  him)  without  giving  him  anything  to  reproach  him- 
self with.  "  There  is  certainly  no  one  under  the  sun  so  happy 
as  I,"  he  said. 

And  so,  with  a  light  heart,  free  from  every  care,  he  bounded 
on  home  to  his  mother. 


The   Family   Servants 


J •JTT'HERE  are  you  going  to?  "     '  To  Walpe." 
m/ls  "  I  to  Walpe,  you  to  Walpe ;   so,   so,  together 

rr          we  go." 

"  Have  you  got  a  husband  ?    How  do  you  call  your  hus- 
band?" 

"  Cham."    "  My  husband  Cham,  your  husband  Cham ;  I  to 
Walpe,  you  to  Walpe ;  so,  so,  together  we  go." 

"  Have  you  got  a  child?    How  do  you  call  your  child?  " 
"  Grild."    "  My  child  Grild,  your  child  Grild ;  my  husband 
Cham,  your  husband  Cham ;  I  to  Walpe,  you  to  Walpe ;  so,  so, 
together  we  go." 

"  Have  you  got  a  cradle  ?    How  do  you  call  your  cradle  ?  " 

"  Hippodadle."    "  My  cradle  Hippodadle,  your  cradle  Hip- 

podadle ;  my  child  Grild,  your  child  Grild ;  my  husband  Cham, 

your  husband  Cham ;  I  to  Walpe,  you  to  Walpe ;  so,  so,  together 

we  go." 

"  Have  you  got  a  man  ?  How  do  you  call  your  man  ?  " 
"  Do-as-well-as-you-can."  "  My  man  Do-as-well-as-you-can, 
your  man  Do-as-well-as-you-can ;  my  cradle  Hippodadle,  your 
cradle  Hippodadle ;  my  child  Grild,  your  child  Grild ;  my  hus- 
band Cham,  your  husband  Cham ;  I  to  Walpe,  you  to  Walpe ; 
so,  so,  together  we  go." 


[68] 


The  Flail  which  came  from  the 
Clouds 

COUNTRYMAN  once  drove  his  plow  with  a  pair 
of  oxen,  and  when  he  came  about  the  middle  of  his 
fields  the  horns  of  his  two  beasts  began  to  grow, 
and  grow,  till  they  were  so  high  that  when  he  went  home  he 
could  not  get  them  into  the  stable-door.  By  good  luck  just 
then  a  Butcher  passed  by,  to  whom  he  gave  up  his  beasts,  and 
struck  a  bargain,  that  he  should  take  to  the  Butcher  a  measure- 
full  of  turnip-seed,  for  every  grain  of  which  the  Butcher  should 
give  him  a  Brabant  dollar.  That  is  what  you  may  call  a  good 
bargain !  The  Countryman  went  home,  and  came  again,  carry- 
ing on  his  back  a  measure  of  seed,  out  of  which  he  dropped 
one  grain  on  the  way.  The  Butcher,  however,  reckoned  out 
for  every  seed  a  Brabant  dollar ;  and  had  not  the  Countryman 
lost  one  he  would  have  received  a  dollar  more.  Meanwhile  the 
seed  which  he  dropped  on  the  road  had  grown  up  to  a  fine  tree, 
reaching  into  the  clouds.  So  the  Countryman  thought  to  him- 
self he  might  as  well  see  what  the  people  in  the  clouds  were 
about.  Up  he  climbed,  and  at  the  top  he  found  a  field  with 
some  people  thrashing  oats ;  but  while  he  was  looking  at  them 
he  felt  the  tree  shake  beneath  him,  and,  peeping  downward, 
he  perceived  that  some  one  was  on  the  point  of  chopping  down 
the  tree  at  the  roots.  "  If  I  am  thrown  down,"  said  the 
Countryman  to  himself,  "  I  shall  have  a  bad  fall ; "  and,  quite 
bewildered,  he  could  think  of  nothing  else  to  save  himself  than 
to  make  a  rope  with  the  oat  straw,  which  lay  about  in  heaps. 
He  then  seized  hold  of  a  hatchet  and  flail  which  were  near  him, 
and  let  himself  down  by  his  straw  rope.  He  fell  into  a  deep, 
deep  hole  in  the  earth,  and  found  it  very  lucky  that  he  had 

[69] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

brought  the  hatchet  with  him ;  for  with  it  he  cut  steps,  and  so 
mounted  again  into  the  broad  daylight,  bringing  with  him  the 
flail  for  a  sign  of  the  truth  of  his  tale,  which  nobody,  on  that 
account,  was  able  to  doubt ! 

There  is  a  wonderful  adventure ! ! ! 


[70] 


The  Soles  Mouth 

rHE  Fishes  once  grew  very  discontented  because  no 
order  was  kept  in  their  dominions.  None  turned  aside 
for  the  others,  but  each  swam  right  or  left  just  as  it 
pleased  him,  sometimes  between  those  who  wished  to  be  to- 
gether, or  else  pushed  them  to  one  side,  and  the  stronger  ones 
gave  the  weaker  blows  with  their  tails,  which  made  them  get 
out  of  the  way  as  fast  as  they  could,  or  else  they  devoured 
them  without  more  ceremony.  "  How  nice  it  would  be," 
thought  the  Fishes,  "  if  we  had  a  king  who  should  exercise  the 
power  of  judging  between  us !  "  And  so  at  last  they  assembled 
together  to  choose  a  lord,  who  should  be  he  who  could  swim 
the  quickest  and  render  help  best  to  the  weaker  fishes. 

So  they  laid  themselves  all  in  rank  and  file  by  the  shore,  and 
the  Pike  gave  a  signal  with  his  tail,  on  which  they  started  off. 
Like  an  arrow  darted  away  the  Pike,  closely  followed  by  the 
Herring,  the  Gudgeon,  the  Perch,  the  Carp,  and  the  rest.  Even 
the  Sole  swam  among  them,  hoping  to  gain  the  prize. 

All  at  once  a  cry  was  heard,  "  The  Herring  is  first,  the 
Herring  is  first!"  "Who  is  first?"  asked  the  flat,  envious 
Sole  in  a  vexed  tone.  "  Who  is  first?  " 

"  The  Herring,  the  Herring !  "  was  the  reply.  "  The  nak-ed 
Herring,  the  nak-ed  Herring !  "  cried  the  Sole  disdainfully. 

And  ever  since  that  time  the  Sole's  mouth  has  been  all  awry 
as  a  punishment  for  his  wicked  envy. 


[71] 


The   Three   Brothers 

rHERE  was  once  a  man  who  had  three  sons,  but  no 
fortune  except  the  house  he  lived  in.     Now,  each  of 
them  wanted  to  have  the  house  after  his  death;  but 
their  father  was  just  as  fond  of  one  as  of  the  other,  and  did 
not  know  how  to  treat  them  all  fairly.    He  did  not  want  to  sell 
the  house,  because  it  had  belonged  to  his  forefathers,  or  he 
might  have  divided  the  money  between  them. 

At  last  an  idea  came  into  his  head,  and  he  said  to  his  sons : 
"  Go  out  into  the  world,  and  each  learn  a  trade,  and  when  you 
come  home,  the  one  who  makes  best  use  of  his  handicraft  shall 
have  the  house." 

The  sons  were  quite  content  with  this  plan,  and  the  eldest 
decided  to  be  a  farrier,  the  second  a  barber,  and  the  third  a 
fencing  master.  They  fixed  a  time  when  they  would  all  meet 
at  home  again,  and  then  they  set  off. 

It  so  happened  that  they  each  found  a  clever  master  with 
whom  they  learned  their  business  thoroughly.  The  farrier  shod 
the  king's  horses,  and  he  thought,  "  I  shall  certainly  be  the  one 
to  have  the  house." 

The  barber  shaved  nobody  but  grand  gentlemen,  so  he 
thought  it  would  fall  to  him. 

The  fencing  master  got  many  blows,  but  he  set  his  teeth,  and 
would  not  let  himself  be  put  out,  because  he  thought,  "  If  I 
am  afraid  of  a  blow,  I  shall  never  get  the  house." 

Now,  when  the  given  time  had  passed,  they  all  went  home 
together  to  their  father ;  but  they  did  not  know  how  to  get  a 
good  opportunity  of  showing  off  their  powers,  and  sat  down 
to  discuss  the  matter. 

Suddenly  a  hare  came  running  over  the  field. 

"  Ah ! "  cried  the  barber,  "  she  conies  just  in  the  nick  of 
time.0 

[72] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

He  took  up  his  bowl  and  his  soap,  and  got  his  lather  by  the 

time  the  hare  came  quite  close,  then  he  soaped  her  in  full 

career,  and  shaved  her  as  she  raced  along,  without  giving  her 

a  cut  or  missing  a  single  hair.     His  father,  astonished,  said: 

I "  If  the  others  don't  look  out,  the  house  will  be  yours." 

Before  long  a  gentleman  came  along  in  his  carriage  at  full 
gallop. 

"  Now,  father,  you  shall  see  what  I  can  do,"  said  the  farrier, 
and  he  ran  after  the  carriage  and  tore  the  four  shoes  off  the 
horse  as  he  galloped  along,  then,  without  stopping  a  second, 
shod  him  with  new  ones. 

"  You  are  a  fine  fellow,  indeed,"  said  his  father.  "  You  know 
your  business  as  well  as  your  brother.  I  don't  know  which  I 
shall  give  the  house  to  at  this  rate." 

Then  the  third  one  said :  "  Let  me  have  a  chance,  too, 
father." 

As  it  was  beginning  to  rain,  he  drew  his  sword  and  swirled 
it  round  and  round  his  head,  so  that  not  a  drop  fell  on  him. 
Even  when  the  rain  grew  heavier,  so  heavy  that  it  seemed  as 
if  it  was  being  poured  from  the  sky  out  of  buckets,  he  swung 
the  sword  faster  and  faster,  and  remained  as  dry  as  if  he  had 
been  under  a  roof. 

His  father  was  amazed,  and  said :  "  You  have  done  the  best ; 
the  house  is  yours." 

Both  the  other  brothers  were  quite  satisfied  with  this  de- 
cision, and  as  they  were  all  so  devoted  to  one  another,  they 
lived  together  in  the  house,  and  carried  on  their  trades,  by 
which  they  made  plenty  of  money,  since  they  were  so  perfect 
in  them. 

They  lived  happily  together  to  a  good  old  age,  and  when 
one  fell  ill  and  died,  the  others  grieved  so  much  over  him  that 
they  pined  away  and  soon  after  departed  this  life. 

Then,  as  they  had  been  so  fond  of  one  another,  they  were 
all  buried  in  one  grave. 


[731 


The   W^ren  and  the  Bear 


X^VNE  summer's  day  the  bear  and  the  wolf  were  walking  in 
|  1  the  forest,  and  the  bear  heard  a  bird  singing  very  sweet- 
v-X  lVj  and  said  :  "  Brother  Wolf,  what  kind  of  bird  is  that 
which  is  singing  so  delightfully  ?  " 

"  That  is  the  king  of  the  birds,  before  whom  we  must  do 
reverence,"  replied  the  wolf;  but  it  was  only  the  wren. 

"  If  that  be  so,"  said  the  bear,  "  I  should  like  to  see  his  royal 
palace  ;  come,  lead  me  to  it."  "  That  cannot  be  as  you  like," 
replied  the  wolf.  "  You  must  wait  till  the  queen  returns."  Soon 
afterward  the  queen  arrived  with  some  food  in  her  bill,  and 
the  king,  too,  to  feed  their  young  ones,  and  the  bear  would 
have  gone  off  to  see  them,  but  the  wolf,  pulling  his  ear,  said  : 
"  No,  you  must  wait  till  the  queen  and  the  king  are  both  off 
again." 

So,  after  observing  well  the  situation  of  the  nest,  the  two 
tramped  off,  but  the  bear  had  no  rest,  for  he  wished  still  to  see 
the  royal  palace,  and  after  a  short  delay  he  set  off  to  it  again. 
He  found  the  king  and  queen  absent,  and,  peeping  into  the  nest, 
he  saw  five  or  six  young  birds  lying  in  it.  "  Is  this  the  royal 
palace  ?  "  exclaimed  the  bear  ;  "  this  miserable  place  !  You  are 
no  king's  children,  but  wretched  young  brats."  "  No,  no,  that 
we  are  not  !  "  burst  out  the  little  wrens  together  in  a  great  pas- 
sion, for  to  them  this  speech  was  addressed.  "  No,  no,  we  are 
born  of  honorable  parents,  and  you,  Mr.  Bear,  shall  make  your 
words  good  !  "  At  this  speech  the  bear  and  the  wolf  were 
much  frightened,  and  ran  back  to  their  holes;  but  the  little 
wrens  kept  up  an  unceasing  clamor  till  their  parents'  return. 
As  soon  as  they  came  back  with  food  in  their  mouths  the  little 
birds  began,  "  We  will  none  of  us  touch  a  fly's  leg,  but  will 
starve  rather,  until  you  decide  whether  we  are  fine  and  hand- 

[74] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

some  children  or  not,  for  the  bear  has  been  here  and  in- 
sulted us ! " 

"  Be  quiet,"  replied  the  king,  "  and  that  shall  soon  be  settled." 
And  thereupon  he  flew  with  his  queen  to  the  residence  of  the 
bear,  and  called  to  him  from  the  entrance,  "  Old  grumbler,  why 
have  you  insulted  my  children?  That  shall  cost  you  dear,  for 
we  will  decide  the  matter  by  a  pitched  battle." 

War  having  thus  been  declared  against  the  bear,  all  the  four- 
footed  beasts  were  summoned :  the  ox,  the  ass,  the  cow,  the  goat, 
the  stag,  and  every  animal  on  the  face  of  the  earth.  The  wren, 
on  the  other  hand,  summoned  every  flying  thing;  not  only  the 
birds,  great  and  small,  but  also  the  gnat,  the  hornet,  the  bee, 
and  the  flies. 

When  the  time  arrived  for  the  commencement  of  the  war, 
the  wren  king  sent  out  spies  to  see  who  was  appointed  com- 
mander-in-chief  of  the  enemy.  The  gnat  was  the  most  cunning 
of  all  the  army,  and  he,  therefore,  buzzed  away  into  the  forest 
where  the  enemy  was  encamped,  and  alighted  on  a  leaf  of  the 
tree  beneath  which  the  watchword  was  given  out.  There  stood 
the  bear  and  called  the  fox  to  him,  and  said :  "  You  are  the  most 
crafty  of  animals,  so  you  must  be  general,  and  lead  us  on." 
"  Well,"  said  the  fox,  "  but  what  sign  shall  we  appoint  ?  "  No- 
body answered.  Then  the  fox  said :  "  I  have  a  fine  long  bushy 
tail,  which  looks  like  a  red  feather  at  a  distance ;  if  I  hold  this 
tail  straight  up,  all  is  going  well  and  you  must  march  after  me ; 
but  if  I  suffer  it  to  hang  down,  run  away  as  fast  as  you  can." 
As  soon  as  the  gnat  heard  all  this  she  flew  home  and  told  the 
wren  king  everything  to  a  hair. 

When  the  day  arrived  for  the  battle  to  begin,  the  four-footed 
beasts  all  came  running  along  to  the  field,  shaking  the  earth 
with  their  roaring  and  bellowing.  The  wren  king  also  came 
with  his  army,  whirring  and  buzzing  and  humming  enough  to 
terrify  any  one  out  of  his  senses.  Then  the  wren  king  sent  the 
hornet  forward  to  settle  upon  the  fox's  tail  and  sting  it  with 
all  his  power.  As  soon  as  the  fox  felt  the  first  sting  he  drew 
up  his  hind  leg  with  the  pain,  still  carrying,  however,  his  tail  as 
high  in  the  air  as  before ;  at  the  second  sting  he  was  obliged  to 

[75] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

drop  it  a  little  bit ;  but  at  the  third  he  could  no  longer  bear  the 
pain,  but  was  forced  to  drop  his  tail  between  his  legs.  As  soon 
as  the  other  beasts  saw  this,  they  thought  all  was  lost,  and  be- 
gan to  run  each  one  to  his  own  hole ;  so  the  birds  won  the  battle 
without  difficulty. 

When  all  was  over  the  wren  king  and  his  queen  flew  home 
to  their  children,  and  cried  out:  "Rejoice!  rejoice!  we  have 
won  the  battle ;  now  eat  and  drink  as  much  as  you  please." 

The  young  wrens,  however,  said :  "  Still  we  will  not  eat  till 
the  bear  has  come  to  our  nest  and  begged  pardon,  and  ad- 
mitted that  we  are  fine  and  handsome  children." 

So  the  wren  king  flew  back  to  the  cave  of  the  bear,  and 
called  out,  "  Old  grumbler,  you  must  come  to  the  nest  and  beg 
pardon  of  my  children  for  calling  them  wretched  young  brats, 
else  your  ribs  shall  be  crushed  in  your  body !  " 

In  great  terror  the  bear  crept  out  and  begged  pardon ;  and 
afterward  the  young  wrens,  being  now  made  happy  in  their 
minds,  settled  down  to  eating  and  drinking,  and  I  am  afraid 
they  were  over-excited  and  kept  up  their  merriment  far  too 
late. 


[76] 


The   Musicians  of  Bremen 

CERTAIN  man  had  a  donkey  that  had  served  him 
faithfully  for  many  long  years,  but  whose  strength  was 
so  far  gone  that  at  last  he  was  quite  unfit  for  work.  So 
his  master  began  to  consider  how  much  he  could  make  of  the 
donkey's  skin,  but  the  beast,  perceiving  that  no  good  wind  was 
blowing,  ran  away  along  the  road  to  Bremen.  "  There," 
thought  he,  "  I  can  be  town  musician."  When  he  had  run 
some  way,  he  found  a  hound  lying  by  the  roadside,  yawning 
like  one  who  was  very  tired.  "  What  are  you  yawning  for  now, 
you  big  fellow  ?  "  asked  the  ass. 

"  Ah,"  replied  the  hound,  "  because  every  day  I  grow  older 
and  weaker ;  I  cannot  go  any  more  to  the  hunt,  and  my  master 
has  well-nigh  beaten  me  to  death,  so  that  I  took  to  flight ;  and 
now  I  do  not  know  how  to  earn  my  bread." 

"  Well,  do  you  know,"  said  the  ass,  "  I  am  going  to  Bremen, 
to  be  town  musician  there ;  suppose  you  go  with  me  and  take 
a  share  in  the  music.  I  will  play  on  the  lute,  and  you  shall  beat 
the  kettledrums."  The  dog  was  satisfied,  and  off  they  set. 

Presently  they  came  to  a  cat,  sitting  in  the  middle  of  the 
path,  with  a  face  like  three  rainy  days !  "  Now,  then,  old 
shaver,  what  has  crossed  you  ?  "  asked  the  ass. 

"  How  can  one  be  merry  when  one's  neck  has  been  pinched 
like  mine  ?  "  answered  the  cat.  "  Because  I  am  growing  old, 
and  my  teeth  are  all  worn  to  stumps,  and  because  I  would 
rather  sit  by  the  fire  and  spin,  than  run  after  mice,  my  mistress 
wanted  to  drown  me;  and  so  I  ran  away.  But  now  good  ad- 
vice is  dear,  and  I  do  not  know  what  to  do." 

"  Go  with  us  to  Bremen.  You  understand  nocturnal  music,  so 
you  can  be  town  musician."  The  cat  consented,  and  went  with 
them.  The  three  vagabonds  soon  came  near  a  farmyard, 

[77] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

where,  upon  the  barn  door,  the  cock  was  sitting  crowing  with 
all  his  might.  "  You  crow  through  marrow  and  bone,"  said  the 
ass ;  "  what  do  you  do  that  for  ?  " 

"  That  is  the  way  I  prophesy  fine  weather,"  said  the  cock ; 
"but,  because  grand  guests  are  coming  for  the  Sunday,  the 
housewife  has  no  pity,  and  has  told  the  cook-maid  to  make  me 
into  soup  for  the  morrow;  and  this  evening  my  head  will  be 
cut  off.  Now  I  am  crowing  with  a  full  throat  as  long  as 
I  can." 

"  Ah,  but  you,  Red-comb,"  replied  the  ass,  "  rather  come  away 
with  us.  We  are  going  to  Bremen,  to  find  there  something 
better  than  death ;  you  have  a  good  voice,  and  if  we  make  music 
together  it  will  have  full  play." 

The  cock  consented  to  this  plan,  and  so  all  four  traveled  on 
together.  They  could  not,  however,  reach  Bremen  in  one  day, 
and  at  evening  they  came  into  a  forest,  where  they  meant  to 
pass  the  night.  The  ass  and  the  dog  laid  themselves  down 
under  a  large  tree,  the  cat  and  the  cock  climbed  up  into  the 
branches,  but  the  latter  flew  right  to  the  top,  where  he  was 
most  safe.  Before  he  went  to  sleep  he  looked  all  round  the  four 
quarters,  and  soon  thought  he  saw  a  little  spark  in  the  dis- 
tance ;  so,  calling  his  companions,  he  said  they  were  not  far 
from  a  house,  for  he  saw  a  light.  The  ass  said :  "  If  it  is  so, 
we  had  better  get  up  and  go  farther,  for  the  pasturage  here 
is  very  bad  " ;  and  the  dog  continued :  "  Yes,  indeed !  a  couple 
of  bones  with  some  meat  on  would  be  very  acceptable !  "  So  they 
made  haste  toward  the  spot  where  the  light  was,  and  which 
shone  now  brighter  and  brighter,  until  they  came  to  a  well- 
lighted  robber's  cottage.  The  ass,  as  the  biggest,  went  to  the 
window  and  peeped  in.  "  What  do  you  see,  Gray-horse  ?  " 
asked  the  cock.  "  What  do  I  see?  "  replied  the  ass ;  "  a  table 
laid  out  with  savory  meats  and  drinks,  with  robbers  sitting 
around  enjoying  themselves." 

"  That  would  be  the  right  sort  of  thing  for  us,"  said  the  cock. 

"  Yes,  yes,  I  wish  we  were  there,"  replied  the  ass.  Then 
these  animals  took  counsel  together  how  they  should  contrive 
to  drive  away  the  robbers,  and  at  last  they  thought  of  a  way. 

[78] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

The  ass  placed  his  forefeet  upon  the  window  ledge,  the  hound 
got  on  his  back,  the  cat  climbed  up  upon  the  dog,  and,  lastly, 
the  cock  flew  up  and  perched  upon  the  head  of  the  cat.  When 
this  was  accomplished,  at  a  given  signal  they  commenced  to- 
gether to  perform  their  music :  the  ass  brayed,  the  dog  barked, 
the  cat  mewed,  and  the  cock  crew ;  and  they  made  such  a  tre- 
mendous noise,  and  so  loud,  that  the  panes  of  the  window  were 
shivered !  Terrified  at  these  unearthly  sounds,  the  robbers  got 
up  with  great  precipitation,  thinking  nothing  less  than  that  some 
spirits  had  come,  and  fled  off  into  the  forest,  so  the  four  com- 
panions immediately  sat  down  at  the  table,  and  quickly  ate  up 
all  that  was  left,  as  if  they  had  been  fasting  for  six  weeks. 

As  soon  as  they  had  finished,  they  extinguished  the  light,  and 
each  sought  for  himself  a  sleeping-place,  according  to  his 
nature  and  custom.  The  ass  laid  himself  down  upon  some 
straw,  the  hound  behind  the  door,  the  cat  upon  the  hearth,  near 
the  warm  ashes,  and  the  cock  flew  up  on  a  beam  which  ran 
across  the  room.  Weary  with  their  long  walk,  they  soon  went 
to  sleep. 

At  midnight  the  robbers  perceived  from  their  retreat  that  no 
light  was  burning  in  their  house,  and  all  appeared  quiet ;  so  the 
captain  said :  "  We  need  not  have  been  frightened  into  fits  " ; 
and,  calling  one  of  the  band,  he  sent  him  forward  to  recon- 
noiter.  The  messenger,  finding  all  still,  went  into  the  kitchen 
to  strike  a  light,  and,  taking  the  glistening,  fiery  eyes  of  the  cat 
for  live  coals,  he  held  a  lucifer  match  to  them,  expecting  it  to 
take  fire.  But  the  cat,  not  understanding  the  joke,  flew  in  his 
face,  spitting  and  scratching,  which  dreadfully  frightened  him, 
so  that  he  made  for  the  back  door ;  but  the  dog,  who  laid  there, 
sprang  up  and  bit  his  leg;  and  as  he  limped  upon  the  straw 
where  the  ass  was  stretched  out,  it  gave  him  a  powerful  kick 
with  its  hind  foot.  This  was  not  all,  for  the  cock,  awaking  at 
the  noise,  clapped  his  wings,  and  cried  from  the  beam :  "  Cock- 
a-doodle-doo,  cock-a-doodle-do ! " 

Then  the  robber  ran  back  as  well  as  he  could  to  his  captain, 
and  said :  "  Ah,  my  master,  there  dwells  a  horrible  witch  in  the 
house,  who  spat  on  me  and  scratched  my  face  with  her  long 

[79] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

nails ;  and  then  before  the  door  stands  a  man  with  a  knife,  who 
chopped  at  my  leg ;  and  in  the  yard  there  lies  a  black  monster, 
who  beat  me  with  a  great  wooden  club ;  and  besides  all,  upon 
the  roof  sits  a  judge,  who  called  out, '  Bring  the  knave  up,  do ! ' 
so  I  ran  away  as  fast  as  I  could." 

After  this  the  robbers  dared  not  again  go  near  their  house ; 
but  everything  prospered  so  well  with  the  four  town  musicians 
of  Bremen,  that  they  did  not  forsake  their  situation !  And  there 
they  are  to  this  day,  for  anything  I  know. 


[80] 


The   Fox  and  the   Cat 

/T  happened  once  that  the  cat  met  Mr.  Fox  in  the  wood, 
and  because  she  thought  he  was  clever  and  experienced 
in  all  the  ways  of  the  world,  she  addressed  him  in  a 
friendly  manner. 

"  Good-morning,  dear  Mr.  Fox !  how  are  you,  and  how  do 
you  get  along  in  these  hard  times  ?  " 

The  fox,  full  of  pride,  looked  at  the  cat  from  head  to  foot 
for  some  time,  hardly  knowing  whether  he  would  deign  to  an- 
swer or  not.  At  last  he  said : 

"  Oh,  you  poor  whisker-wiper,  you  silly  piebald,  you  starve- 
ling mouse-hunter !  what  has  come  into  your  head  ?  How  dare 
you  ask  me  how  I  am  getting  on?  What  sort  of  education 
have  you  had  ?  How  many  arts  are  you  master  of  ?  " 

"  Only  one,"  said  the  cat  meekly. 

"  And  what  might  that  one  be  ?  "  asked  the  fox. 

"  When  the  dogs  run  after  me,  I  can  jump  into  a  tree  and 
save  myself." 

"  Is  that  all  ?  "  said  the  fox.  "  I  am  master  of  a  hundred 
arts,  and  I  have  a  sackful  of  cunning  tricks  in  addition.  But 
I  pity  you.  Come  with  me,  and  I  will  teach  you  how  to  escape 
from  the  dogs." 

Just  then  a  huntsman  came  along  with  four  hounds.  The 
cat  sprang  trembling  into  a  tree,  and  crept  stealthily  up  to  the 
topmost  branch,  where  she  was  entirely  hidden  by  twigs  and 
leaves. 

"  Open  your  sack,  Mr.  Fox !  open  your  sack !  "  cried  the  cat, 
but  the  dogs  had  gripped  him,  and  held  him  fast. 

"  Oh,  Mr.  Fox !  "  cried  the  cat,  "  you  with  your  hundred  arts, 
and  your  sackful  of  tricks,  are  held  fast,  while  I,  with  my  one, 
am  safe.  Had  you  been  able  to  creep  up  here,  you  would  not 
have  lost  your  life." 

[81] 


The   Golden   Key 


winter,  when  a  deep  snow  was  lying  on  the  ground,  a 
poor  boy  had  to  go  out  in  a  sledge  to  fetch  wood.  As 
soon  as  he  had  collected  together  a  sufficient  quantity, 
he  thought  that  before  he  returned  home  he  would  make  a  fire 
to  warm  himself,  because  his  limbs  were  so  frozen.  So,  sweep- 
ing the  snow  away,  he  made  a  clear  space,  and  presently  found 
a  small  gold  key.  As  soon  as  he  picked  it  up,  he  began  to  think 
that  where  there  was  a  key  there  must  also  be  a  lock ;  and,  dig- 
ging in  the  earth,  he  found  a  small  iron  chest.  "  I  hope  the 
key  will  fit,"  thought  he  to  himself ;  "  there  are  certainly  great 
treasures  in  this  box !  "  He  looked  all  over  it,  but  could  not 
find  any  keyhole;  but  at  last  he  did  discover  one,  which  was, 
however,  so  small  that  it  could  scarcely  be  seen.  He  tried  the 
key,  and  behold !  it  fitted  exactly.  Then  he  turned  it  once 
round,  and  now,  if  you  will  wait  until  he  has  quite  unlocked 
it,  and  lifted  up  the  lid,  then  we  shall  learn  what  wonderful 
treasures  were  in  the  chest ! 


Doctor   Know-All 

LONG  time  ago  there  lived  a  peasant  named 
"  Crabb,"  who  one  day  drove  into  a  certain  city  his 
cart  laden  with  a  bundle  of  faggots,  drawn  by  two 
oxen.  He  soon  found  a  purchaser  for  his  wood  in  the  person 
of  a  learned  doctor,  who  bought  it  for  two  dollars,  and,  while 
the  money  was  being  counted  out,  the  peasant,  peeping  in  at 
the  door,  saw  how  comfortably  his  customer  was  eating  and 
drinking;  and  the  thought  thereupon  came  into  his  head  that 
he  would  like  to  be  a  professor,  too.  So  he  waited  a  little  while, 
and  at  last  mustered  courage  to  ask  whether  he  could  not  be 
a  doctor.  "  Oh,  yes,"  replied  the  doctor,  "  that  can  soon  be 
managed !  " 

"  What  must  I  do?  "  asked  the  peasant. 

"  First  of  all,  buy  an  A  B  C  book,  one  which  has  a  cock-a- 
doodle-do  for  a  frontispiece ;  secondly,  sell  your  cart  and  oxen, 
and  turn  them  into  money  to  buy  good  clothes  with,  and  what 
else  belongs  to  a  doctor's  appearance;  lastly,  let  a  sign  be 
painted,  with  the  words,  *  I  am  the  Doctor  Know- All/  and  nail 
that  over  your  house  door." 

The  countryman  did  all  that  he  was  told,  and  after  he  had 
practised  a  little  time,  but  not  to  much  purpose,  a  certain  very 
wealthy  baron  had  some  money  stolen  from  him.  Mention  was 
made  to  the  baron  of  Doctor  Know-Ail,  who  dwelt  in  such  a 
village,  and  who  would  be  sure  to  know  where  the  money  was 
gone.  As  soon  as  the  baron  heard  of  him,  he  ordered  his  horses 
put  to  his  carriage  and  drove  to  the  place  where  the  doctor 
lived.  The  baron  inquired  if  he  were  the  Doctor  Know-Ail, 
and  he  replying  ".Yes,"  the  baron  said  he  must  return  with 
him  and  discover  his  money. 

"Very  well,"  replied  the  doctor;  "but  my  wife  Gertrude 
must  accompany  me." 

[83] 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

To  this  the  baron  agreed,  and,  all  being  seated  in  the  car- 
riage, away  they  drove  back  again.  When  they  arrived  at  the 
house  a  splendid  collation  was  on  the  table,  of  which  the  doctor 
was  invited  to  partake.  "  Certainly,"  said  he,  "  but  my  wife 
Gertrude,  too  " ;  and  he  sat  down  with  her  at  the  bottom  of  the 
table.  As  soon  as  the  first  servant  entered  with  a  dish  of  deli- 
cate soup,  the  doctor  poked  his  wife,  saying,  "  He  is  the  first !  " 
meaning  he  was  the  first  who  had  brought  in  meat.  But  the 
servant  imagined  he  meant  to  say,  "  He  is  the  first  thief !  "  and 
because  he  really  was  so,  he  felt  very  much  disturbed,  and  told 
his  comrades  in  the  kitchen,  "  The  doctor  knows  all ;  we  shall 
come  off  badly,  for  he  has  said  I  am  the  first ! "  When  the 
second  servant  heard  this  he  felt  afraid  to  go;  but  he  was 
obliged,  and  as  soon  as  he  entered  the  room  with  the  dish,  the 
man  poked  his  wife  again,  and  said :  "  Gertrude,  that  is  the 
second !  "  This  frightened  the  servant  so  much  that  he  left  the 
room  as  soon  as  possible ;  and  the  third  servant  who  entered 
fared  no  better,  for  the  doctor  said  to  his  wife,  "  That  is  the 
third !  "  The  fourth  servant  had  to  bring  in  a  covered  dish, 
and  the  baron  said  to  the  doctor  he  must  show  his  powers  by 
telling  truly  what  was  in  the  dish.  Now,  there  were  crabs  in  it, 
and  the  doctor  looked  at  the  dish  for  some  minutes,  considering 
how  to  get  out  of  the  scrape.  At  last  he  cried  out :  "  Oh,  poor 
Crabb  that  I  am !  "  When  the  baron  heard  this,  he  exclaimed : 
"  Good !  he  knows  it !  he  knows,  too,  where  my  money  is !  " 

The  servant,  however,  was  terribly  frightened ;  and  he 
winked  to  the  doctor  to  follow  him  out.  When  he  had  done  so, 
he  found  all  four  servants  there  who  had  stolen  the  money, 
and  were  now  so  eager  to  get  off  that  they  offered  him  a  large 
sum  if  he  would  not  betray  them;  for  if  he  did  their  necks 
would  be  in  danger.  They  led  him  also  to  the  place  where  the 
money  lay  hid,  and  the  doctor  was  so  pleased  that  he  gave 
them  the  required  promise,  and  then  returned  to  the  house, 
where  he  sat  down  again  at  table,  and,  producing  his  book, 
said :  "  I  will  now  look  in  my  book,  baron,  and  discover  the 
place  where  the  money  lies."  A  fifth  servant,  who  had  had  a 
share  in  the  robbery,  wished  to  hear  if  the  doctor  knew  more, 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

and  so  he  crept  up  the  chimney  to  listen.  Below  sat  the  coun- 
tryman, turning  the  leaves  of  his  book  backward  and  for- 
ward, forward  and  backward,  looking  for  the  cpck-a-doodle- 
doo.  However,  he  could  not  find  it,  and  he  at  length  exclaimed, 
"  You  must  come  out,  for  I  know  you  are  in  it !  "  This  made 
the  servant  up  the  chimney  believe  he  meant  him,  and  down  he 
slipped,  and  came  out,  crying,  "  The  man  knows  all,  the  man 
knows  all !  " 

Then  Doctor  Know- All  showed  the  baron  where  the  money 
lay ;  but  he  said  nothing  about  who  had  stolen  it,  so  that  from 
both  sides  he  received  a  large  sum  of  money  as  a  reward,  and, 
moreover,  he  became  a  very  celebrated  character. 


[85] 


The  Fair  Catherine  and  Pif-Paf 
Poltrie 


DAY,  Father  Hollenthe.  How  do  you  do?'* 
"  Very  well,  I  thank  you,  Pif-paf  Poltrie."  "  May  I 
marry  your  daughter?"  "Oh,  yes!  if  the  mother 
Malcho  (Milk-Cow),  the  brother  Hohenstolz  (High  and 
Mighty),  the  sister  Kasetraut  (Cheese-maker),  and  the  fair 
Catherine  are  willing,  it  may  be  so." 

"  Where  is,  then,  the  mother  Malcho  ?  " 

"  In  the  stable,  milking  the  cow." 

"  Good  day,  mother  Malcho.  How  do  you  do  ?  "  "  Very 
well,  I  thank  you,  Pif-paf  Poltrie."  "  May  I  marry  your 
daughter?"  "Oh,  yes!  if  the  father  Hollenthe,  the  brother 
Hohenstolz,  the  sister  Kasetraut,  and  the  fair  Catherine  are 
willing,  it  may  be  so." 

"  Where  is,  then,  the  brother  Hohenstolz  ?  " 

"  In  the  yard,  chopping  up  the  wood." 

"  Good  day,  brother  Hohenstolz.  How  are  you  ?  "  "  Very 
well,  I  thank  you,  Pif-paf  Poltrie."  "  May  I  marry  your  sis- 
ter? "  "  Oh,  yes!  if  the  father  Hollenthe,  the  mother  Malcho, 
the  sister  Kasetraut,  and  the  fair  Catherine  are  willing,  it  may 
be  so." 

"  Where  is,  then,  the  sister  Kasetraut?  " 

"  In  the  garden,  cutting  the  cabbages." 

"Good  day,  sister  Kasetraut.  How  do  you  do?"  "Very 
well,  I  thank  you,  Pif-paf  Poltrie."  "  May  I  marry  your  sis- 
ter ?  "  "  Oh,  yes  !  if  the  father  Hollenthe,  the  mother  Malcho, 
the  brother  Hohenstolz,  and  the  fair  Catherine  are  willing,  it 
may  be  so." 

"  Where  is,  then,  the  fair  Catherine?  " 

[86] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  In  her  chamber,  counting  out  her  pennies." 

"  Good  day,  fair  Catherine.  How  do  you  do  ?  "  "  Very 
well,  I  thank  you,  Pif-paf  Poltrie."  "  Will  you  be  my  bride?  " 
"Oh,  yes!  if  the  father  Hollenthe,  the  mother  Malcho,  the 
brother  Hohenstolz,  and  the  sister  Kasetraut  are  willing,  so 
am  I." 

"  How  much  money  have  you,  fair  Catherine  ?  " 

"  Fourteen  pennies  in  bare  money,  two  and  a  half  farthings 
owing  to  me,  half  a  pound  of  dried  apples,  a  handful  of  prunes, 
and  a  handful  of  roots;  and  don't  you  call  that  a  capital 
dowry?  Pif-paf  Poltrie,  what  trade  are  you?  Are  you  a 
tailor?" 

"  Better  than  that." 

"A  shoemaker?" 

"Better  still!" 

"A  plowman?" 

"Better  still!" 

"A  joiner?" 

"Better  still!" 

"A  smith?" 

"Better  still!" 

"A  miller?" 

"Better  still!" 

"  Perhaps  a  broom-binder  ?  "  "  Yes,  so  I  am ;  now,  is  not 
that  a  pretty  trade?" 


[87] 


The   Wolf  and  the  Fox 

ji    WOLF,  once  upon  a  time,  caught  a  fox.    It  happened 

>^f  one  day  that  they  were  both  going  through  the  for- 
^  JL  est,  and  the  wolf  said  to  his  companion :  "  Get  me 
some  food,  or  I  will  eat  you  up." 

The  fox  replied :  "  I  know  a  farmyard  where  there  are  a 
couple  of  young  lambs,  which,  if  you  wish,  we  will  fetch." 

This  proposal  pleased  the  wolf,  so  they  went,  and  the  fox, 
stealing  first  one  of  the  lambs,  brought  it  to  the  wolf,  and  then 
ran  away.  The  wolf  devoured  it  quickly,  but  was  not  con- 
tented, and  went  to  fetch  the  other  lamb  by  himself,  but  he  did 
it  so  awkwardly  that  he  aroused  the  attention  of  the  mother, 
who  began  to  cry  and  bleat  loudly,  so  that  the  peasants  ran  up. 
There  they  found  the  wolf,  and  beat  him  so  unmercifully  that 
he  ran,  howling  and  limping,  to  the  fox,  and  said :  "  You  have 
led  me  to  a  nice  place,  for,  when  I  went  to  fetch  the  other  lamb, 
the  peasants  came  and  beat  me  terribly !  " 

"  Why  are  you  such  a  glutton,  then  ?  "  asked  the  fox. 

The  next  day  they  went  again  into  the  fields,  and  the  covet- 
ous wolf  said  to  the  fox :  "  Get  me  something  to  eat  now,  or 
I  will  devour  you !  " 

The  fox  said  he  knew  a  country  house  where  the  cook  was  go- 
ing that  evening  to  make  some  pancakes,  and  thither  they  went. 
When  they  arrived,  the  fox  sneaked  and  crept  around  round  the 
house,  until  he  at  last  discovered  where  the  dish  was  standing, 
out  of  which  he  stole  six  pancakes,  and  took  them  to  the  wolf, 
saying,  "  There  is  something  for  you  to  eat !  "  and  then  ran 
away.  The  wolf  dispatched  these  in  a  minute  or  two,  and, 
wishing  to  taste  some  more,  he  went  and  seized  the  dish,  but 
took  it  away  so  hurriedly  that  it  broke  in  pieces.  The  noise  of 
its  fall  brought  out  the  woman,  who,  as  soon  as  she  saw  the 

[88] 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

wolf,  called  her  people,  who,  hastening  up,  beat  him  with  such 
a  good  will  that  he  ran  home  to  the  fox,  howling,  with  two 
lame  legs!  "What  a  horrid  place  you  have  drawn  me  into 
now,"  cried  he ;  "  the  peasants  have  caught  me,  and  dressed  my 
skin  finely !  " 

"  Why,  then,  are  you  such  a  glutton  ?  "  said  the  fox. 

When  they  went  out  again  the  third  day,  the  wolf  limping 
along  with  weariness,  he  said  to  the  fox :  "  Get  me  something 
to  eat  now,  or  I  will  devour  you !  " 

The  fox  said  he  knew  a  man  who  had  just  killed  a  pig,  and 
salted  the  meat  down  in  a  cask  in  his  cellar,  and  that  they  could 
get  at  it.  The  wolf  replied  that  he  would  go  with  him  on  con- 
dition that  he  helped  him  if  he  could  not  escape.  "  Oh,  of 
course  I  will,  on  mine  own  account ! "  said  the  fox,  and  showed 
him  the  tricks  and  ways  by  which  they  could  get  into  the  cel- 
lar. When  they  went  in  there  was  meat  in  abundance,  and  the 
wolf  was  enraptured  at  the  sight.  The  fox,  too,  had  a  taste, 
but  kept  looking  round  while  eating,  and  ran  frequently  to  the 
hole  by  which  they  had  entered,  to  see  if  his  body  would  slip 
through  it  easily.  Presently  the  wolf  asked :  "  Why  are  you 
running  about  so,  you  fox,  jumping  in  and  out?"  "I  want 
to  see  if  any  one  is  coming,"  replied  the  fox  cunningly ;  "  but 
mind  you  do  not  eat  too  much !  " 

The  wolf  said  he  would  not  leave  till  the  cask  was  quite 
empty;  and  meanwhile  the  peasant,  who  had  heard  the  noise 
made  by  the  fox,  entered  the  cellar.  The  fox,  as  soon  as  he 
saw  him,  made  a  spring,  and  was  through  the  hole  in  a  jiffy ; 
and  the  wolf  tried  to  follow  his  example,  but  he  had  eaten  so 
much  that  his  body  was  too  big  for  the  opening,  and  he  stuck 
fast.  Then  came  the  peasant  with  a  cudgel,  and  beat  him 
sorely;  but  the  fox  leaped  away  into  the  forest,  very  glad  to 
get  rid  of  the  old  glutton. 


[89] 


Discreet  Hans 

f  yANS'S  mother  asked:  "Whither  are  you  going, 
A"y  Hans?"  "  To  Grethel's,"  replied  he.  "  Behave  well, 
JL  JL  Hans."  "  I  will  take  care ;  good-by,  mother."  "  Good- 
by,  Hans." 

Hans  came  to  Grethel.  "  Good  day,"  said  he.  "  Good  day," 
replied  Grethel,  "what  treasure  do  you  bring  to-day?"  "I 
bring  nothing.  Have  you  anything  to  give  ?  "  Grethel  pre- 
sented Hans  with  a  needle.  "  Good-by,"  said  he.  "  Good-by, 
Hans."  Hans  took  the  needle,  stuck  it  in  a  load  of  hay,  and 
walked  home  behind  the  wagon. 

"  Good  evening,  mother."  "  Good  evening,  Hans.  Where 
have  you  been  ? "  "  To  Grethel's."  "  And  what  have  you 
given  her  ? "  "  Nothing ;  she  has  given  me  something." 
"What  has  Grethel  given  you?"  "A  needle,"  said  Hans. 
"  And  where  have  you  put  it  ?  "  "  In  the  load  of  hay."  "  Then 
you  have  behaved  stupidly,  Hans;  you  should  put  needles  on 
your  coat-sleeve."  "  To  behave  better,  do  nothing  at  all," 
thought  Hans. 

"  Whither  are  you  going,  Hans?  "  "  To  Grethel's,  mother." 
"  Behave  well,  Hans."  "  I  will  take  care ;  good-by,  mother." 
"  Good-by,  Hans." 

Hans  came  to  Grethel.  "  Good  day,"  said  he.  "  Good  day, 
Hans.  What  treasure  do  you  bring?"  "I  bring  nothing. 
Have  you  anything  to  give  ? "  Grethel  gave  Hans  a  knife. 
"Good'-by,  Grethel."  "Good-by,  Hans."  Hans  took  the 
knife,  put  it  in  his  sleeve,  and  went  home. 

"  Good  evening,  mother."  "  Good  evening,  Hans.  Where 
have  you  been?  "  "  To  Grethel's."  "  And  what  did  you  take 
to  her  ?  "  "I  took  nothing ;  she  has  given  to  me."  "  And  what 
did  she  give  you?"  "A  knife,"  said  Hans.  "And  where 

[90] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

have  you  put  it?  "  "  In  my  sleeve."  "  Then  you  have  behaved 
foolishly  again,  Hans ;  you  should  put  knives  in  your  pocket." 
"  To  behave  better,  do  nothing  at  all,"  thought  Hans. 

"  Whither  are  you  going,  Hans?  "  "  To  Grethel's,  mother." 
"  Behave  well,  Hans."  "  I  will  take  care ;  good-by,  mother." 
"  Good-by,  Hans." 

Hans  came  to  Grethel.  "  Good  day,  Grethel."  "  Good  day, 
Hans.  What  treasure  do  you  bring?"  "I  bring  nothing. 
Have  you  anything  to  give  ?  "  Grethel  gave  Hans  a  young  goat. 
"  Good-by,  Grethel."  "  Good-by,  Hans."  Hans  took  the  goat, 
tied  its  legs,  and  put  it  in  his  pocket. 

Just  as  he  reached  home  it  was  suffocated.  "  Good  evening, 
mother."  "  Good  evening,  Hans.  Where  have  you  been  ?  " 
"  To  Grethel's."  "  And  what  did  you  take  to  her  ?  "  "  I  took 
nothing ;  she  gave  to  me."  "  And  what  did  Grethel  give  you  ?  " 
"  A  goat."  "  Where  did  you  put  it,  Hans  ?  "  "  In  my  pocket." 
"  There  you  acted  stupidly,  Hans ;  you  should  have  tied  the 
goat  with  a  rope."  "  To  behave  better,  do  nothing,"  thought 
Hans. 

"Whither  away,  Hans?"  "To  Grethel's,  mother."  "Be- 
have well,  Hans."  "  I'll  take  care ;  good-by,  mother."  "  Good- 
by,  Hans." 

Hans  came  to  Grethel.  "  Good  day,"  said  he.  "  Good  day, 
Hans.  What  treasure  do  you  bring?"  "I  bring  nothing. 
Have  you  anything  to  give  ?  "  Grethel  gave  Hans  a  piece  of 
bacon.  "  Good-by,  Grethel."  "  Good-by,  Hans."  Hans  took 
the  bacon,  tied  it  with  a  rope,  and  swung  it  to  and  fro  so  that 
the  dogs  came  and  ate  it  up.  When  he  reached  home  he  held 
the  rope  in  his  hand,  but  there  was  nothing  on  it. 

"  Good  evening,  mother,"  said  he.  "  Good  evening,  Hans. 
Where  have  you  been  ?  "  "  To  Grethel's,  mother."  "  What  did 
you  take  there  ?  "  "I  took  nothing ;  she  gave  to  me."  "  And 
what  did  Grethel  give  you  ?  "  "A  piece  of  bacon,"  said  Hans. 
"  And  where  have  you  put  it  ?  "  "I  tied  it  with  a  rope,  swung 
it  about,  and  the  dogs  came  and  ate  it  up."  "  There  you  acted 
stupidly,  Hans ;  you  should  have  carried  the  bacon  on  your 
head."  "  To  behave  better,  do  nothing,"  thought  Hans. 

[91] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"Whither  away,  Hans?"  "To  Grethel's,  mother."  "Be- 
have well,  Hans."  "  I'll  take  care ;  good-by,  mother."  "  Good- 
by,  Hans." 

Hans  came  to  Grethel.  "  Good  day,"  said  he.  "  Good  day, 
Hans.  What  treasure  do  you  bring?"  "I  bring  nothing. 
Have  you  anything  to  give  ? "  Grethel  gave  Hans  a  calf. 
"  Good-by,"  said  Hans.  "  Good-by."  Hans  took  the  calf,  set 
it  on  his  head,  and  the  calf  scratched  his  face. 

"  Good  evening,  mother."  "  Good  evening,  Hans.  Where 
have  you  been  ?  "  "  To  Grethel's."  "  What  did  you  take  her  ?  " 
"I  took  nothing;  she  gave  to  me."  "And  what  did  Grethel 
give  you  ?  "  "A  calf,"  said  Hans.  "  And  what  did  you  do 
with  it?"  "I  set  it  on  my  head,  and  it  kicked  my  face." 
"  Then  you  acted  stupidly,  Hans ;  you  should  have  led  the  calf 
home,  and  put  it  in  the  stall."  '''  To  behave  better,  do  nothing," 
thought  Hans. 

"Whither  away,  Hans?"  "To  Grethel's,  mother."  "Be- 
have well,  Hans."  "  I'll  take  care ;  good-by,  mother."  "  Good- 
by,  Hans." 

Hans  came  to  Grethel.  "  Good  day,"  said  he.  "  Good  day, 
Hans.  WTiat  treasure  do  you  bring?"  "I  bring  nothing. 
Have  you  anything  to  give  ?  "  Grethel  said :  "  I  will  go  with 
you,  Hans."  Hans  tied  a  rope  round  Grethel,  led  her  home, 
put  her  in  the  stall,  and  made  the  rope  fast ;  and  then  he  went 
to  his  mother. 

"  Good  evening,  mother."  "  Good  evening,  Hans.  Where 
have  you  been  ?  "  "  To  Grethel's."  "  What  did  you  take  her  ?  " 
"  I  took  nothing."  "  What  did  Grethel  give  you  ?  "  "  She  gave 
nothing;  she  came  with  me."  "  And  where  have  you  left  her, 
then  ?  "  "I  tied  her  with  a  rope,  put  her  in  the  stall,  and  threw 
in  some  grass."  "  Then  you  acted  stupidly,  Hans ;  you  should 
have  looked  at  her  with  friendly  eyes."  "  To  behave  better,  do 
nothing,"  thought  Hans;  and  then  he  went  into  the  stall,  and 
made  sheep's  eyes  at  Grethel. 

And  after  that  Grethel  became  Hans's  wife. 


[92] 


King   Thrush-beard 


jj  CETRAIN  king  had  a  daughter  who  was  beautiful 
/-i  above  all  belief,  but  withal  so  proud  and  haughty,  that 
JL  JL  no  suitor  was  good  enough  for  her,  and  she  not  only 
turned  back  every  one  who  came,  but  also  made  game  of  them 
all.  Once  the  king  proclaimed  a  great  festival,  and  invited 
thereto  from  far  and  near  all  the  marriageable  young  men. 
When  they  arrived  they  were  all  set  in  a  row,  according  to 
their  rank  and  standing:  first  the  kings,  then  the  princes,  the 
dukes,  the  marquesses,  the  earls,  and,  last  of  all,  the  barons. 
Then  the  king's  daughter  was  led  down  the  rows,  but  she 
found  something  to  make  game  of  in  all.  One  was  too  fat. 
"  The  wine-tub !  "  said  she.  Another  was  too  tall.  "  Long  and 
lanky ;  has  no  grace,"  she  remarked.  A  third  was  too  short  and 
fat.  "  Too  stout  to  have  any  wits,"  said  she.  A  fourth  was 
too  pale.  "  Like  Death  himself,"  was  her  remark,  and  a  fifth, 
who  had  a  great  deal  of  color,  she  called  "  a  cockatoo."  The 
sixth  was  not  straight  enough,  and  him  she  called  "  a  green  log 
scorched  in  the  oven !  "  And  so  she  went  on,  nicknaming  every 
one  of  the  suitors,  but  she  made  particularly  merry  with  a  good 
young  king  whose  chin  had  grown  rather  crooked.  "  Ha,  ha !  " 
laughed  she,  "  he  has  a  chin  like  a  thrush's  beak  " ;  and  after 
that  day  he  went  by  the  name  of  Thrush-beard. 

The  old  king,  however,  when  he  saw  that  his  daughter  did 
nothing  but  mock  at  and  make  sport  of  all  the  suitors  who  were 
collected,  became  very  angry,  and  swore  that  she  should  take 
the  first  decent  beggar  for  a  husband  who  came  to  the  gate. 

A  couple  of  days  after  this  a  player  came  beneath  the  win- 
dows to  sing  and  earn  some  bounty  if  he  could.  As  soon  as 
the  king  saw  him  he  ordered  him  to  be  called  up,  and  presently 
he  came  into  the  room  in  all  his  dirty,  ragged  clothes,  and  sang 

[93] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

before  the  king  and  princess,  and  when  he  had  finished  he 
begged  for  a  slight  recompense.  The  king  said :  "  Thy  song 
has  pleased  so  much  that  I  will  give  thee  my  daughter  for  a 
wife." 

The  princess  was  terribly  frightened,  but  the  king  said :  "  I 
have  taken  an  oath,  and  mean  to  perform  it,  that  I  will  give 
you  to  the  first  beggar."  All  her  remonstrances  were  in  vain ; 
the  priest  was  called,  and  the  princess  was  married  in  earnest 
to  the  player.  When  the  ceremony  was  performed,  the  king 
said :  "  Now,  it  cannot  be  suffered  that  you  should  stop  here 
with  your  husband,  in  my  house ;  no !  you  must  travel  about  the 
country  with  him." 

So  the  beggarman  led  her  away,  and  she  was  forced  to 
trudge  along  with  him  on  foot.  As  they  came  to  a  large 
forest,  she  asked: 

"To  whom  belongs  this  beautiful  wood?" 
The  echo  replied : 

"King  Thrush-beard  the  good! 
Had  you  taken  him,  it  had  been  thine." 

"  Ah,  silly,"  said  she, 

"What  a  lot  had  been  mine 
Had  I  happily  married  King  Thrush-beard!'' 

Next  they  came  to  a  meadow,  and  she  asked : 

"  To  whom  belongs  this  meadow  so  green  ?  " 

"  To  King  Thrush-beard,"  was  again  the  reply. 

Then  they  came  to  a  great  city,  and  she  asked : 

"To  whom  does  this  beautiful  town  belong?" 

"Jo  King  Thrush-beard,"  said  one. 

"  Ah,  what  a  simpleton  was  I  that  I  did  not  marry  him  when 

I  had  the  chance !  "  exclaimed  the  poor  princess. 

"  Come,"  broke  in  the  player,  "  it  does  not  please  me,  I  can 

tell  you,  that  you  are  always  wishing  for  another  husband ;  am 

I  not  good  enough  for  you  ?  " 

[94] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

By  and  by  they  came  to  a  very  small  hut,  and  she  said :  "  Ah, 
heavens,  to  whom  can  this  miserable,  wretched  hovel  belong?  " 

The  player  replied :  "  That  is  my  house,  where  we  shall  live 
together." 

The  princess  was  obliged  to  stoop  to  get  in  at  the  door,  and 
when  she  was  inside,  she  asked :  "  Where  are  the  servants  ?  " 
"  What  servants  ?  "  exclaimed  her  husband.  "  You  must  your- 
self do  all  that  you  want  done.  Now  make  a  fire  and  put  on 
some  water,  that  you  may  cook  my  dinner,  for  I  am  quite 
tired." 

The  princess,  however,  understood  nothing  about  making 
fires  or  cooking,  and  the  beggar  had  to  set  to  work  himself, 
and  as  soon  as  they  had  finished  their  scanty  meal  they  went 
to  bed.  In  the  morning  the  husband  woke  up  his  wife  very 
early,  that  she  might  set  the  house  to  rights,  and  for  a  couple 
of  days  they  lived  on  in  this  way,  and  made  an  end  of  their 
store.  Then  the  husband  said :  "  Wife,  we  must  not  go  on  in 
this  way  any  longer,  stopping  here,  doing  nothing;  you  must 
weave  some  baskets."  So  he  went  out  and  cut  some  osiers  and 
brought  them  home,  but  when  his  wife  attempted  to  bend  them 
the  hard  twigs  wounded  her  hands  and  made  them  bleed.  "  I 
see  that  won't  suit,"  said  her  husband ;  "  you  had  better  spin, 
perhaps  that  will  do  better." 

So  she  sat  down  to  spin,  but  the  harsh  thread  cut  her  tender 
fingers  very  badly,  so  that  the  blood  flowed  freely.  "  Do  you 
see,"  said  the  husband,  "  how  you  are  spoiling  your  work  ?  I 
made  a  bad  bargain  in  taking  you  !  Now  I  must  try  and  make 
a  business  in  pots  and  earthen  vessels ;  you  shall  sit  in  the  mar- 
ket and  sell  them." 

"  Oh,  if  anybody  out  of  my  father's  dominions  should  come 
and  see  me  in  the  market  selling  pots,"  thought  the  princess  to 
herself,  "  how  they  would  laugh  at  me !  " 

However,  all  her  excuses  were  in  vain;  she  must  either  do 
that  or  die  of  hunger. 

The  first  time  all  went  well,  for  the  people  bought  of  the 
princess,  because  she  was  so  pretty-looking,  and  not  only  gave 
her  what  she  asked,  but  some  even  laid  down  their  money  and 

[95] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

left  the  pots  behind.  On  her  earnings  this  day,  they  lived  for 
some  time  as  long  as  they  lasted;  and  then  the  husband  pur- 
chased a  fresh  stock  of  pots.  With  these  she  placed  her  stall 
at  a  corner  of  the  market,  offering  them  for  sale.  All  at  once 
a  drunken  hussar  came  plunging  down  the  street  on  his  horse, 
and  rode  right  into  the  midst  of  her  earthenware,  and  shat- 
tered it  into  a  thousand  pieces.  The  accident,  as  well  it  might, 
set  her  a-weeping,  and  in  her  trouble,  not  knowing  what  to  do, 
she  ran  home  crying :  "  Ah,  what  will  become  of  me ;  what  will 
my  good  man  say  ? "  When  she  had  told  her  husband,  he 
cried  out :  "  Who  ever  would  have  thought  of  sitting  at  the 
corner  of  the  market  to  sell  earthenware?  but  well  I  see  you 
are  not  accustomed  to  any  ordinary  work.  There,  leave  oft 
crying ;  I  have  been  to  the  king's  palace,  and  asked  if  they  were 
not  in  want  of  a  kitchen-maid ;  and  they  have  agreed  to  take 
you,  and  there  you  will  live  free  of  cost." 

Now  the  princess  became  a  kitchen-maid,  and  was  obliged  to 
do  as  the  cook  bade  her,  and  wash  up  the  dirty  things.  Then 
she  put  a  jar  into  each  of  her  pockets,  and  in  them  she  took 
home  what  was  left  of  what  fell  to  her  share  of  the  good  things, 
and  of  these  she  and  her  husband  made  their  meals.  Not  many 
days  afterward  it  happened  that  the  wedding  of  the  king's  eld- 
est son  was  to  be  celebrated,  and  the  poor  wife  placed  herself 
near  the  door  of  the  saloon  to  look  on.  As  the  lamps  were  lit 
and  guests  more  and  more  beautiful  entered  the  room,  and  all 
dressed  most  sumptuously,  she  reflected  on  her  fate  with  a 
saddened  heart,  and  repented  of  the  pride  and  haughtiness 
which  had  so  humiliated  and  impoverished  her.  Every  now 
and  then  the  servants  threw  her  out  of  the  dishes  morsels  of 
rich  delicacies  which  they  carried  in,  whose  fragrant  smells 
increased  her  regrets,  and  these  pieces  she  put  into  her  pockets 
to  carry  home.  Presently  the  king  entered,  clothed  in  silk  and 
velvet,  and  having  a  golden  chain  round  his  neck.  As  soon  as 
he  saw  the  beautiful  maiden  standing  at  the  door,  he  seized  her 
by  the  hand  and  would  dance  with  her,  but  she,  terribly  fright- 
ened, refused ;  for  she  saw  it  was  King  Thrush-beard,  who  had 
wooed  her,  and  whom  she  had  laughed  at.  Her  struggles  were 

[96] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

of  no  avail ;  he  drew  her  into  the  ball-room,  and  there  tore  off 
the  band  to  which  the  pots  were  attached,  so  that  they  fell 
down  and  the  soup  ran  over  the  floor,  while  the  pieces  of  meat, 
etc.,  skipped  about  in  all  directions.  When  the  fine  folks  saw 
this  sight  they  burst  into  one  universal  shout  of  laughter  and 
derision,  and  the  poor  girl  was  so  ashamed  that  she  wished 
herself  a  thousand  fathoms  below  the  earth.  She  ran  out  at 
the  door  and  would  have  escaped;  but  on  the  steps  she  met  a 
man,  who  took  her  back,  and  when  she  looked  at  him,  lo !  it  was 
King  Thrush-beard  again.  He  spoke  kindly  to  her,  and  said : 
"  Be  not  afraid ;  I  and  the  musician,  who  dwelt  with  you  in  the 
wretched  hut,  are  one ;  for  love  of  you  I  have  acted  thus ;  and 
the  hussar  who  rode  in  among  the  pots  was  also  myself.  All 
this  has  taken  place  in  order  to  humble  your  haughty  disposi- 
tion, and  to  punish  you  for  your  pride,  which  led  you  to 
mock  me." 

At  these  words  she  wept  bitterly,  and  said :  "  I  am  not  worthy 
to  be  your  wife,  I  have  done  you  so  great  a  wrong."  But  he 
replied :  "  Those  evil  days  are  passed ;  we  will  now  celebrate 
our  marriage." 

Immediately  after  came  the  bridesmaids,  and  put  on  her  the 
most  magnificent  dresses;  and  then  her  father  and  his  whole 
court  arrived,  and  wished  her  happiness  on  her  wedding-day ; 
and  now  commenced  her  true  joy  as  queen  of  the  country  of 
King  Thrush-beard. 


[97 


The   Three  Luck-Children 

rHERE  was  once  upon  a  time  a  father,  who  called  his 
three  sons  to  him,  and  gave  the  first  a  cock,  the  second 
a  scythe,  and  the  third  a  cat,  and  then  addressed  them 
thus :  "  I  am  very  old,  and  my  end  draweth  nigh,  but  I  wish  to 
show  my  care  for  you  before  I  die.     Money  I  have  not,  and 
what  I  now  give  you  appears  of  little  worth ;  but  do  not  think 
that,  for  if  each  of  you  use  his  gift  carefully,  and  seek  some 
country  where  such  a  thing  is  not  known,  your  fortunes  will 
be  made." 

Soon  after,  the  father  died,  and  the  eldest  son  set  out  on  his 
travels  with  his  cock,  but  wherever  he  came,  such  a  creature 
was  already  well  known.  In  the  towns  he  saw  it  from  afar, 
sitting  upon  the  church  steeples,  and  turning  itself  round  with 
the  wind ;  and  in  the  villages  he  heard  more  than  one  crow,  and 
nobody  troubled  himself  about  another,  so  that  it  did  not  seem 
as  if  he  would  ever  make  his  fortune  by  it.  At  last,  however, 
it  fell  out  that  he  arrived  on  an  island  where  the  people  knew 
nothing  about  cocks,  nor  even  how  to  divide  their  time.  They 
knew,  certainly,  when  it  was  evening  and  morning,  but  at  night, 
if  they  did  not  sleep  through  it,  they  could  not  comprehend  the 
time.  "  See/'  said  he  to  them,  "  what  a  proud  creature  it  is, 
what  a  fine  red  crown  it  wears  on  its  head,  and  it  has  spurs  like 
a  knight !  Thrice  during  the  night  it  will  crow  at  certain  hours, 
and  the  third  time  it  calls  you  may  know  the  sun  will  soon  rise ; 
but,  if  it  crows  by  day,  you  may  prepare  then  for  a  change  of 
weather." 

The  good  people  were  well  pleased,  and  the  whole  night  they 
laid  awake  and  listened  to  the  cock,  which  crowed  loudly  and 
clearly  at  two,  four,  and  six  o'clock.  The  next  day  they  asked 
if  the  creature  were  not  for  sale,  and  how  much  he  asked,  and 
he  replied :  "  As  much  gold  as  an  ass  can  bear."  "  A  ridicu- 

[98] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

lously  small  sum,"  said  they,  "  for  such  a  marvelous  crea- 
ture !  "  and  gave  him  readily  what  he  asked. 

When  he  returned  home  with  his  money,  his  brothers  were 
astonished,  and  the  second  said  he  would  also  go  out  and  see 
what  luck  his  scythe  would  bring  him.  But  at  first  it  did  not 
seem  likely  that  fortune  would  favor  him,  for  all  the  country- 
men he  met  carried  equally  good  scythes  upon  their  shoulders. 
At  last,  however,  he  also  came  to  an  island  whose  people  were 
ignorant  of  the  use  of  scythes ;  for  when  a  field  of  corn  was 
ripe,  they  planted  great  cannons  and  shot  it  down !  In  this  way, 
it  was  no  uncommon  thing  that  many  of  them  shot  quite  over 
it ;  others  hit  the  ears  instead  of  the  stalks,  and  shot  them  quite 
away,  so  that  a  great  quantity  was  always  ruined,  and  the  most 
doleful  lamentations  ensued.  But  our  hero,  when  he  arrived, 
mowed  away  so  silently  and  quickly,  that  the  people  held  their 
breath  and  noses  with  wonder,  and  willingly  gave  him  what  he 
desired,  which  was  a  horse  laden  with  as  much  gold  as  it  could 
carry. 

On  his  return  the  third  brother  set  out  with  his  cat  to  try  his 
luck,  and  it  happened  to  him  exactly  as  it  had  done  to  the 
others;  so  long  as  he  kept  on  the  old  roads  he  met  with  no 
place  which  did  not  already  boast  its  cat ;  indeed,  so  many  were 
there  that  the  new-born  kittens  were  usually  drowned.  At  last 
he  voyaged  to  an  island  where,  luckily  for  him,  cats  were  un- 
known animals ;  and  yet,  the  mice  were  so  numerous  that  they 
danced  upon  the  tables  and  chairs,  whether  the  master  of  the 
house  were  at  home  or  not.  These  people  complained  continu- 
ally of  the  plague,  and  the  king  himself  knew  not  how  to  de- 
liver them  from  it ;  for  in  every  corner  the  mice  were  swarming, 
and  destroyed  what  they  could  not  carry  away  in  their  teeth. 
The  cat,  however,  on  its  arrival,  commenced  a  grand  hunt ;  and 
so  soon  cleared  a  couple  of  rooms  of  the  troublesome  visitors, 
that  the  people  begged  the  king  to  buy  it  for  the  use  of  his 
kingdom.  The  king  gave  willingly  the  price  that  was  asked 
for  the  wonderful  animal,  and  the  third  brother  returned  home 
with  a  still  larger  treasure,  in  the  shape  of  a  mule  laden  with 
gold. 

[99] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

Meanwhile  the  cat  was  having  capital  sport  in  the  royal  pal- 
ace with  the  mice,  and  bit  so  many  that  the  dead  were  not  to  be 
numbered.  At  last  she  became  very  thirsty  with  the  hot  work, 
and  stopped,  and,  raising  her  head,  cried :  "  Miau,  miau !  "  At 
the  unusual  sound,  the  king,  together  with  all  his  courtiers, 
were  much  frightened,  and  in  terror  they  ran  out  of  the  castle. 
There  the  king  held  a  council  what  it  were  best  to  do,  and  at 
length  it  was  resolved  to  send  a  herald  to  the  cat,  to  demand 
that  she  should  quit  the  castle,  or  force  would  be  used  to  make 
her.  "  For,"  said  the  councilors,  "  we  would  rather  be  plagued 
by  the  mice,  to  which  we  are  accustomed,  than  surrender  our- 
selves a  prey  to  this  beast."  A  page  was  accordingly  sent  to  the 
cat  to  ask  whether  she  would  quit  the  castle  in  peace ;  but  the 
cat,  whose  thirst  had  all  the  while  been  increasing,  replied  noth- 
ing but  "  Miau,  miau !  "  The  page  understood  her  to  say,  "  No, 
no !  "  and  brought  the  king  word  accordingly.  The  councilors 
agreed  then  that  she  should  feel  their  power,  and  cannons  were 
brought  out  and  fired,  so  that  the  castle  was  presently  in  flames. 
When  the  fire  reached  the  room  where  the  cat  was,  she  sprang 
out  of  the  window,  but  the  besiegers  ceased  not  until  the  whole 
was  leveled  with  the  ground. 


[100] 


The   Three   Sluggards 


j§    CERTAIN  king  had  three  sons,  all  of  whom  he  loved 

>4f  so  much  that  he  did  not  know  which  he  should  name 
-Z  JL  to  be  king  after  him.  When  the  day  of  his  death  ap- 
proached, he  called  them  to  his  bedside,  and  thus  spoke  to  them : 
"  Dear  children,  I  have  something  on  my  mind  that  I  wish  to 
tell  you ;  whichever  of  you  is  the  laziest,  he  shall  be  king  when 
I  am  dead." 

"  Then,  father,  the  kingdom  belongs  to  me,"  said  the  eldest 
son ;  "  for  I  am  so  lazy,  that  if  I  lie  down  to  sleep,  and  tears 
come  into  my  eyes,  so  that  I  cannot  close  them,  I  yet  go  to 
sleep  without  wiping  them  away !  " 

"  The  kingdom  belongs  to  me,"  cried  the  second  son ;  "  for  I 
am  so  lazy  that  when  I  sit  by  the  fire  to  warm  myself,  I  allow 
my  boots  to  scorch  before  I  will  draw  away  my  feet !  " 

But  the  third  son  said :  "  The  kingdom  is  mine,  father,  for  I 
am  so  lazy  that,  were  I  about  to  be  hanged,  and  even  had  I 
the  rope  round  my  neck,  and  any  one  should  give  me  a  sharp 
sword  to  cut  it  with,  I  should  suffer  myself  to  be  swung  off  be- 
fore I  took  the  trouble  to  cut  the  rope ! " 

As  soon  as  the  father  heard  this,  he  said  to  his  youngest 
son :  "  You  have  shown  yourself  the  laziest  of  all,  and  you 
shall  be  king." 


[101] 


The  Fisherman  and  his   W^ife 

rHERE  was  once  a  fisherman  who  lived  with  his  wife 
in  a  miserable  little  hovel  close  to  the  sea.  He  went 
to  fish  every  day,  and  he  fished  and  fished,  and  at  last 
one  day,  when  he  was  sitting  looking  deep  down  into  the  shin- 
ing water,  he  felt  something  on  his  line.  When  he  hauled  it 
up  there  was  a  great  flounder  on  the  end  of  the  line.  The 
flounder  said  to  him :  "  Look  here,  fisherman,  don't  you  kill 
me;  I  am  no  common  flounder,  I  am  an  enchanted  prince! 
What  good  will  it  do  you  to  kill  me  ?  I  sha'n't  be  good  to  eat ; 
put  me  back  into  the  water,  and  leave  me  to  swim  about." 

"  Well,"  said  the  fisherman,  "  you  need  not  make  so  many 
words  about  it.  I  am  quite  ready  to  put  back  a  flounder  that 
can  talk."  And  so  saying,  he  put  back  the  flounder  into  the 
shining  water,  and  it  sank  down  to  the  bottom,  leaving  a  streak 
of  blood  behind  it. 

Then  the  fisherman  got  up  and  went  back  to  his  wife  in  the 
hovel.  "  Husband,"  she  said,  "  hast  thou  caught  nothing  to- 
day?" 

"  No,"  said  the  man ;  "  all  I  caught  was  one  flounder,  and 
he  said  he  was  an  enchanted  prince,  so  I  let  him  go  swim 
again." 

"  Didst  thou  not  wish  for  anything  then  ?  "  asked  the  good 
wife. 

"  No,"  said  the  man  ;  "  what  was  there  to  wish  for  ?  " 

"  Alas !  "  said  his  wife ;  "  isn't  it  bad  enough  always  to  live 
in  this  wretched  hovel?  Thou  mightest  at  least  have  wished 
for  a  nice  clean  cottage.  Go  back  and  call  him;  tell  him  I 
want  a  pretty  cottage ;  he  will  surely  give  us  that !  " 

"  Alas,"  said  the  man,  "  what  am  I  to  go  back  there  for  ?  " 

"  Well,"  said  the  woman,  "  it  was  thou  who  caught  him  and 

[  102] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

let  him  go  again ;  for  certain  he  will  do  that  for  thee.     Be  off 

now !  " 

The  man  was  still  not  very  willing  to  go,  but  he  did  not  want 

vex  his  wife,  and  at  last  he  went  back  to  the  sea. 

He  found  the  sea  no  longer  bright  and  shining,  but  dull  and 

green.    He  stood  by  it  and  said : 

"Flounder,  flounder  in  the  sea, 
Prythee,  hearken  unto  me: 
My  wife,  Ilsebil,  will  have  her  own  way 
Whatever  I  wish,  whatever  I  say." 

The  flounder  came  swimming  up,  and  said :  "  Well,  what  do 
you  want  ?  " 

"  Alas !  "  said  the  man ;  "  I  had  to  call  you,  for  my  wife  said 
I  ought  to  have  wished  for  something,  as  I  caught  you.  She 
doesn't  want  to  live  in  our  miserable  hovel  any  longer;  she 
wants  a  pretty  cottage." 

"  Go  home  again,  then,"  said  the  flounder ;  "  she  has  her  wish 
fully." 

The  man  went  home  and  found  his  wife  no  longer  in  the 
Id  hut,  but  a  pretty  little  cottage  stood  in  its  place,  and  his 
wife  was  sitting  on  a  bench  by  the  door. 

She  took  him  by  the  hand,  and  said :  "  Come  and  look  in 
here — isn't  this  much  better  ?  " 

They  went  inside  and  found  a  pretty  sitting-room,  and  a 
bedroom  with  a  bed  in  it,  a  kitchen,  and  a  larder  furnished 
with  everything  of  the  best  in  tin  and  brass,  and  every  possible 
requisite.  Outside  there  was  a  little  yard  with  chickens  and 
ducks,  and  a  little  garden  full  of  vegetables  and  fruit. 

"  Look !  "  said  the  woman,  "  is  not  this  nice  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  said  the  man ;  "  and  so  let  it  remain.  We  can  live 
here  very  happily." 

"We  will  see  about  that,"  said  the  woman,  and  with  that 
they  ate  something  and  went  to  bed. 

Everything  went  well  for  a  week  or  more,  and  then  said  the 
wife :  "  Listen,  husband ;  this  cottage  is  too  cramped,  and  the 
garden  is  too  small.  The  flounder  might  have  given  us  a  big- 

[103] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

ger  house.  I  want  to  live  in  a  big  stone  castle.  Go  to  the 
flounder,  and  tell  him  to  give  us  a  castle." 

"  Alas,  wife !  "  said  the  man ;  "  the  cottage  is  good  enough 
for  us ;  what  should  we  do  with  a  castle  ?  " 

"  Never  mind,"  said  his  wife ;  "  do  thou  but  go  to  the  floun- 
der, and  he  will  manage  it." 

"  Nay,  wife,"  said  the  man ;  "  the  flounder  gave  us  the  cot- 
tage. I  don't  want  to  go  back ;  as  likely  as  not  he'll  be  angry." 

"  Go,  all  the  same,"  said  the  woman.  "  He  can  do  it  easily 
enough,  and  willingly  into  the  bargain.  Just  go !  " 

The  man's  heart  was  heavy,  and  he  was  very  unwilling  to 
go.  He  said  to  himself :  "  It's  not  right."  But  at  last  he  went. 

He  found  the  sea  was  no  longer  green ;  it  was  still  calm,  but 
dark  violet  and  gray.  He  stood  by  it  and  said: 

"Flounder,  flounder  in  the  sea, 
Prythee,  hearken  unto  me: 
My  wife,  Ilsebil,  will  have  her  own  way 
Whatever  I  wish,  whatever  I  say." 

"  Now,  what  do  you  want  ?  "  said  the  flounder. 

"  Alas,"  said  the  man,  half  scared,  "  my  wife  wants  a  big 
stone  castle." 

"  Go  home  again,"  said  the  flounder ;  "  she  is  standing  at 
the  door  of  it." 

Then  the  man  went  away,  thinking  he  would  find  no  house, 
but  when  he  got  back  he  found  a  great  stone  palace,  and  his 
wife  standing  at  the  top  of  the  steps,  waiting  to  go  in. 

She  took  him  by  the  hand  and  said :  "  Come  in  with  me." 

With  that  they  went  in  and  found  a  great  hall  paved  with 
marble  slabs,  and  numbers  of  servants  in  attendance,  who 
opened  the  great  doors  for  them.  The  walls  were  hung  with 
beautiful  tapestries,  and  the  rooms  were  furnished  with  golden 
chairs  and  tables,  while  rich  carpets  covered  the  floors,  and 
crystal  chandeliers  hung  from  the  ceilings.  The  tables  groaned 
under  every  kind  of  delicate  food  and  the  most  costly  wines. 
Outside  the  house  there  was  a  great  courtyard,  with  stabling 
for  horses,  and  cows,  and  many  fine  carriages.  Beyond  this 

[104] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

there  was  a  great  garden  filled  with  the  loveliest  flowers,  and 
fine  fruit  trees.  There  was  also  a  park,  half  a  mile  long,  and 
in  it  were  stags  and  hinds,  and  hares,  and  everything  of  the 
kind  one  could  wish  for. 

"  Now,"  said  the  woman,  "  is  not  this  worth  having?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,"  said  the  man ;  "  and  so  let  it  remain.  We  will 
live  in  this  beautiful  palace  and  be  content." 

"  We  will  think  about  that,"  said  his  wife,  "  and  sleep 
upon  it." 

With  that  they  went  to  bed. 

Next  morning  the  wife  woke  up  first ;  day  was  just  dawning, 
and  from  her  bed  she  could  see  the  beautiful  country  around 
her.  Her  husband  was  still  asleep,  but  she  pushed  him  with 
her  elbow,  and  said :  "  Husband,  get  up  and  peep  out  of  the 
window.  See  here,  now,  could  we  not  be  king  over  all  this 
land  ?  Go  to  the  flounder.  We  will  be  king." 

"  Alas,  wife,"  said  the  man,  "  what  should  we  be  king  for  ? 
I  don't  want  to  be  king." 

"  Ah,"  said  his  wife,  "  if  thou  wilt  not  be  king,  I  will.  Go 
to  the  flounder.  I  will  be  king." 

"  Alas,  wife,"  said  the  man,  "  whatever  dost  thou  want  to  be 
king  for  ?  I  don't  like  to  tell  him." 

"  Why  not?  "  said  the  woman.  "  Go  thou  must.  I  will  be 
king." 

So  the  man  went;  but  he  was  quite  sad  because  his  wife 
would  be  king. 

"  It  is  not  right,"  he  said ;  "  it  is  not  right." 

When  he  reached  the  sea,  he  found  it  dark,  gray,  and  rough, 
and  evil-smelling.  He  stood  there  and  said: 

"Flounder,  flounder  in  the  sea, 
Prythee,  hearken  unto  me: 
My  wife,  Ilsebil,  will  have  her  own  way 
Whatever  I  wish,  whatever  I  say." 

"  Now,  what  does  she  want  ?  "  said  the  flounder. 
"  Alas,"  said  the  man,  "  she  wants  to  be  king  now." 
"  Go  back.    She  is  king  already,"  said  the  flounder. 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

So  the  man  went  back,  and  when  he  reached  the  palace  he 
found  that  it  had  grown  much  larger,  and  a  great  tower  had 
been  added,  with  handsome  decorations.  There  was  a  sentry 
at  the  door,  and  numbers  of  soldiers  were  playing  drums  and 
trumpets.  As  soon  as  he  got  inside  the  house,  he  found  every- 
thing was  marble  and  gold;  and  the  hangings  were  of  velvet, 
with  great  golden  tassels.  The  doors  of  the  saloon  were 
thrown  wide  open,  and  he  saw  the  whole  court  assembled.  His 
wife  was  sitting  on  a  lofty  throne  of  gold  and  diamonds ;  she 
wore  a  golden  crown,  and  carried  in  one  hand  a  scepter  of  pure 
gold.  On  each  side  of  her  stood  her  ladies  in  a  long  row,  each 
one  a  head  shorter  than  the  next. 

He  stood  before  her,  and  said :  "  Alas,  wife,  art  thou  now 
king?" 

"  Yes,"  she  said;  "  now  I  am  king." 

He  stood  looking  at  her  for  some  time,  and  then  he  said: 
"  Ah,  wife,  it  is  a  fine  thing  for  thee  to  be  king ;  now  we  will 
not  wish  to  be  anything  more." 

"  Nay,  husband,"  she  answered,  quite  uneasily,  "  I  find  the 
time  hangs  very  heavy  on  my  hands.  I  can't  bear  it  any 
longer.  Go  back  to  the  flounder.  King  I  am,  but  I  must  also 
be  emperor." 

"  Alas,  wife,"  said  the  man,  "  why  dost  thou  now  want  to  be 
emperor  ?  " 

"  Husband,"  she  answered,  "  go  to  the  flounder.  Emperor  I 
will  be." 

"  Alas,  wife,"  said  the  man,  "  emperor  he  can't  make  thee, 
and  I  won't  ask  him.  There  is  only  one  emperor  in  the  coun- 
try ;  and  emperor  the  flounder  cannot  make  thee,  that  he  can't." 

"  What  ?  "  said  the  woman.  "  I  am  king,  and  thou  art  but 
my  husband.  To  him  thou  must  go,  and  that  right  quickly.  If 
he  can  make  a  king,  he  can  also  make  an  emperor.  Emperor 
I  will  be,  so  quickly  go." 

He  had  to  go,  but  he  was  quite  frightened.  And  as  he  went, 
he  thought :  "  This  won't  end  well ;  emperor  is  too  shameless. 
The  flounder  will  make  an  end  of  the  whole  thing." 

With  that  he  came  to  the  sea,  but  now  he  found  it  quite  black, 

[106] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

and  heaving  up  from  below  in  great  waves.  It  tossed  to  and 
fro,  and  a  sharp  wind  blew  over  it,  and  the  man  trembled.  So 
he  stood  there,  and  said : 

"Flounder,  flounder  in  the  sea, 
Prythee,  hearken  unto  me: 
My  wife,  Ilsebil,  will  have  her  own  way 
Whatever  I  wish,  whatever  I  say." 

"  What  does  she  want  now  ?  "  said  the  flounder. 

"  Alas,  flounder,"  he  said,  "  my  wife  wants  to  be  emperor." 

"  Go  back,"  said  the  flounder.    "  She  is  emperor." 

So  the  man  went  back,  and  when  he  got  to  the  door,  he  found 
that  the  whole  palace  was  made  of  polished  marble,  with  ala- 
baster figures  and  golden  decorations.  Soldiers  marched  up 
and  down  before  the  doors,  blowing  their  trumpets  and  beat- 
ing their  drums.  Inside  the  palace,  counts,  barons,  and  dukes 
walked  about  as  attendants,  and  they  opened  to  him  the  doors, 
which  were  of  pure  gold. 

He  went  in,  and  saw  his  wife  sitting  on  a  huge  throne  made 
of  solid  gold.  It  was  at  least  two  miles  high.  She  had  on  her 
head  a  great  golden  crown,  set  with  diamonds,  three  yards  high. 
In  one  hand  she  held  the  scepter,  and  in  the  other  the  ball  of 
empire.  On  each  side  of  her  stood  the  gentlemen-at-arms  in 
two  rows,  each  one  a  little  smaller  than  the  other,  from  giants 
two  miles  high,  down  to  the  tiniest  dwarf  no  bigger  than  my 
little  finger.  She  was  surrounded  by  princes  and  dukes. 

Her  husband  stood  still,  and  said :  "  Wife,  art  thou  now  em- 
peror?" 

"  Yes,"  said  she ;  "  now  I  am  emperor." 

Then  he  looked  at  her  for  some  time,  and  said :  "  Alas,  wife, 
how  much  better  off  art  thou  for  being  emperor  ?  " 

"Husband,"  she  said,  "what  art  thou  standing  there  for? 
Now  I  am  emperor,  I  mean  to  be  pope!  Go  back  to  the 
flounder." 

"Alas,  wife,"  said  the  man,  "what  wilt  thou  not  want? 
Pope  thou  canst  not  be.  There  is  only  one  pope  in  Christen- 
dom. That's  more  than  the  flounder  can  do." 

[107] 


TALES   OF   LAUGHTER 

"  Husband,"  she  said,  "  pope  I  will  be ;  so  go  at  once.  I  must 
be  pope  this  very  day." 

"  No,  wife,"  he  said,  "  I  dare  not  tell  him.  It's  no  good ;  it's 
too  monstrous  altogether.  The  flounder  cannot  make  thee 
pope." 

"  Husband,"  said  the  woman,  "  don't  talk  nonsense.  If  he 
can  make  an  emperor,  he  can  make  a  pope.  Go  immediately. 
I  am  emperor,  and  thou  art  but  my  husband,  and  thou  must 
obey." 

So  he  was  frightened,  and  went ;  but  he  was  quite  dazed.  He 
shivered  and  shook,  and  his  knees  trembled. 

A  great  wind  arose  over  the  land,  the  clouds  flew  across  the 
sky,  and  it  grew  as  dark  as  night;  the  leaves  fell  from  the 
trees,  and  the  water  foamed  and  dashed  upon  the  shore.  In  the 
distance  the  ships  were  being  tossed  to  and  fro  on  the  waves, 
and  he  heard  them  firing  signals  of  distress.  There  was  still 
a  little  patch  of  blue  in  the  sky  among  the  dark  clouds,  but 
toward  the  south  they  were  red  and  heavy,  as  in  a  bad  storm. 
In  despair,  he  stood  and  said : 

"Flounder,  flounder  in  the  sea, 
Prythee,  hearken  unto  me: 
My  wife,  Ilsebil,  will  have  her  own  way 
Whatever  I  wish,  whatever  I  say." 

"  Now,  what  does  she  want  ?  "  said  the  flounder. 

"  Alas,"  said  the  man,  "  she  wants  to  be  pope." 

"  Go  back.     Pope  she  is,"  said  the  flounder. 

So  back  he  went,  and  he  found  a  great  church,  surrounded 
with  palaces.  He  pressed  through  the  crowd,  and  inside  he 
found  thousands  and  thousands  of  lights,  and  his  wife,  en- 
tirely clad  in  gold,  was  sitting  on  a  still  higher  throne,  with 
three  golden  crowns  upon  her  head,  and  she  was  surrounded 
with  priestly  state.  On  each  side  of  her  were  two  rows  of 
candles,  the  biggest  as  thick  as  a  tower,  down  to  the  tiniest  little 
taper.  Kings  and  emperors  were  on  their  knees  before  her, 
kissing  her  shoe. 

"  Wife,"  said  the  man,  looking  at  her,  "  art  thou  now  pope?  " 

[108] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  Yes,"  said  she ;  "  now  I  am  pope." 

So  there  he  stood  gazing  at  her,  and  it  was  like  looking  at 
a  shining  sun. 

"  Alas,  wife,"  he  said,  "  art  thou  better  off  for  being  pope?  " 
At  first  she  sat  as  stiff  as  a  post,  without  stirring.  Then  he 
said :  "  Now,  wife,  be  content  with  being  pope ;  higher  thou 
canst  not  go." 

"  I  will  think  about  that,"  said  the  woman,  and  with  that 
they  both  went  to  bed.  Still  she  was  not  content,  and  could  not 
sleep  for  her  inordinate  desires.  The  man  slept  well  and 
soundly,  for  he  had  walked  about  a  great  deal  in  the  day ;  but 
his  wife  could  think  of  nothing  but  what  further  grandeur  she 
could  demand.  When  the  dawn  reddened  the  sky,  she  raised 
herself  up  in  bed  and  looked  out  of  the  window,  and  when  she 
saw  the  sun  rise  she  said: 

"  Ha!  can  I  not  cause  the  sun  and  the  moon  to  rise?  Hus- 
band ! "  she  cried,  digging  her  elbow  into  his  side,  "  wake  up 
and  go  to  the  flounder.  I  will  be  lord  of  the  universe." 

Her  husband,  who  was  still  more  than  half  asleep,  was  so 
shocked  that  he  fell  out  of  bed.  He  thought  he  must  have 
heard  wrong.  He  rubbed  his  eyes  and  said : 

"  Alas,  wife,  what  didst  thou  say  ?  " 

"  Husband,"  she  said,  "  if  I  cannot  be  lord  of  the  universe, 
and  cause  the  sun  and  moon  to  set  and  rise,  I  shall  not  be  able 
to  bear  it.  I  shall  never  have  another  happy  moment." 

She  looked  at  him  so  wildly  that  it  caused  a  shudder  to  run 
through  him. 

"  Alas,  wife,"  he  said,  falling  on  his  knees  before  her,  "  the 
flounder  can't  do  that.  Emperor  and  pope  he  can  make,  but 
that  is  indeed  beyond  him.  I  pray  thee,  control  thyself  and 
remain  pope." 

Then  she  flew  into  a  terrible  rage.  Her  hair  stood  on  end ; 
she  panted  for  breath,  and  screamed  : 

"  I  won't  bear  it  any  longer;  wilt  thou  go?  " 

Then  he  pulled  on  his  trousers  and  tore  away  like  a  mad- 
man. Such  a  storm  was  raging  that  he  could  hardly  keep 
his  feet;  houses  and  trees  quivered  and  swayed,  mountains 

[109] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

trembled,  and  the  rocks  rolled  into  the  sea.  The  sky  was 
pitchy  black;  it  thundered  and  lightened,  and  the  sea  ran  in 
black  waves,  mountains  high,  crested  with  white  foam.  He 
shrieked  out,  but  could  hardly  make  himself  heard: 

"Flounder,  flounder  in  the  sea, 
Prythee,  hearken  unto  me: 
My  wife,  Ilsebil,  will  have  her  own  way 
Whatever  I  wish,  whatever  I  say." 

"  Now,  what  does  she  want  ?  "  asked  the  flounder. 
"  Alas,"  he  said,  "  she  wants  to  be  Lord  of  the  Universe." 
"  Now  she  must  go  back  to  her  old  hovel,"  said  the  flounder ; 
"  and  there  you  will  find  her." 

And  there  they  are  to  this  very  day! 


[no] 


The  Nose-tree 

y^VID  you  ever  hear  the  story  of  the  three  poor  soldiers 
i  J  who,  after  having  fought  hard  in  the  wars,  set  out  on 
•^— ^  their  road  home,  begging  their  way  as  they  went? 

They  had  journeyed  on  a  long  time,  sick  at  heart  with  their 
bad  luck  at  thus  being  turned  loose  on  the  world  in  their  old 
days,  when  one  evening  they  reached  a  deep,  gloomy  wood, 
through  which  lay  their  road.  Night  came  fast  upon  them,  and 
they  found  that  they  must,  however  unwillingly,  sleep  in  this 
wood ;  so,  to  make  all  safe  as  they  could,  it  was  agreed  that  two 
should  lie  down  and  sleep,  while  a  third  sat  up  and  watched, 
lest  wild  beasts  should  break  in  and  tear  them  to  pieces.  When 
he  was  tired  he  was  to  wake  one  of  the  others,  and  sleep  in  his 
turn ;  and  so  on  with  the  third,  so  as  to  share  the  work  fairly 
among  them. 

The  two  who  were  to  rest  first  soon  lay  down  and  fell  fast 
asleep ;  and  the  other  made  himself  a  good  fire  under  the  trees, 
and  sat  down  by  its  side  to  keep  watch.  He  had  not  sat  long 
before,  all  of  a  sudden,  up  came  a  little  dwarf  in  a  red  jacket. 
"Who  is  there?"  said  he.  "A  friend,"  said  the  soldier. 
"  What  sort  of  a  friend?  "  "  An  old,  broken  soldier,"  said  the 
other,  "  with  his  two  comrades,  who  have  nothing  left  to  live 
on ;  come,  sit  down  and  warm  yourself."  "Well,  my  worthy  fel- 
low," said  the  little  man,  "  I  will  do  what  I  can  for  you ;  take 
this  and  show  it  to  your  comrades  in  the  morning."  So  he 
took  out  an  old  cloak  and  gave  it  to  the  soldier,  telling  him 
that  whenever  he  put  it  over  his  shoulders  anything  that  he 
wished  for  would  be  done  for  him.  Then  the  little  man  made 
him  a  bow  and  walked  away. 

The  second  soldier's  turn  to  watch  soon  came,  and  the  first 
laid  him  down  to  sleep;  but  the  second  man  had  not  sat  by 

[in] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

himself  long  before  up  came  the  dwarf  in  the  red  jacket  again. 
The  soldier  treated  him  in  as  friendly  a  way  as  his  comrade 
had  done,  and  the  little  man  gave  him  a  purse,  which  he  told 
him  would  be  always  full  of  gold,  let  him  draw  as  much  as  he 
would  out  of  it. 

Then  the  third  soldier's  turn  to  watch  came;  and  he  also 
had  little  Red-jacket  for  his  guest,  who  gave  him  a  wonderful 
horn,  that  drew  crowds  around  it  whenever  it  was  played,  and 
made  every  one  forget  his  business  to  come  and  dance  to  its 
beautiful  music. 

In  the  morning  each  told  his  story,  and  showed  the  gift  he 
had  got  from  the  elf:  and  as  they  all  liked  one  another  very 
much,  and  were  old  friends,  they  agreed  to  travel  together  to 
see  the  world,  and,  for  a  while,  only  to  make  use  of  the  won- 
derful purse.  And  thus  they  spent  their  time  very  joyously,  till 
at  last  they  began  to  be  tired  of  this  roving  life,  and  thought 
they  should  like  to  have  a  home  of  their  own.  So  the  first  sol- 
dier put  his  old  cloak  on  and  wished  for  a  fine  castle.  In 
a  moment  it  stood  before  their  eyes:  fine  gardens  and  green 
lawns  spread  around  it,  and  flocks  of  sheep  and  goats;  herds 
of  oxen  were  grazing  about ;  and  out  of  the  gate  came  a  grand 
coach  with  three  dapple-gray  horses,  to  meet  them  and  bring 
them  home. 

All  this  was  very  well  for  a  time,  but  they  found  it  would 
not  do  to  stay  at  home  always ;  so  they  got  together  all  their 
rich  clothes,  and  jewels,  and  money,  and  ordered  their  coach 
with  three  dapple-gray  horses,  and  set  out  on  a  journey 
to  see  a  neighboring  king.  Now  this  king  had  an  only  daugh- 
ter, and  as  he  saw  the  three  soldiers  traveling  in  such  grand 
style,  he  took  them  for  king's  sons,  and  so  gave  them  a  kind 
welcome.  One  day,  as  the  second  soldier  was  walking  with 
the  princess,  she  saw  that  he  had  the  wonderful  purse  in  his 
hand.  Then  she  asked  him  what  it  was,  and  he  was  foolish 
enough  to  tell  her — though,  indeed,  it  did  not  much  signify 
what  he  said,  for  she  was  a  fairy,  and  knew  all  the  wonderful 
things  that  the  three  soldiers  had  brought.  Now  this  princess 
was  very  cunning  and  artful ;  so  she  set  to  work  and  made 

[112] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

a  purse,  so  like  the  soldier's  that  no  one  would  know  the  one 
from  the  other ;  and  then  she  asked  him  to  come  and  see  her, 
and  made  him  drink  some  wine  that  she  had  got  ready  for 
him,  and  which  soon  made  him  fall  fast  asleep.  Then  she  felt 
in  his  pocket,  and  took  away  the  wonderful  purse,  and  left 
the  one  she  had  made  in  its  place. 

The  next  morning  the  soldiers  set  out  home ;  and  soon  after 
they  reached  their  castle,  happening  to  want  some  money,  they 
went  to  their  purse  for  it,  and  found  something  indeed  in  it; 
but  to  their  great  sorrow,  when  they  had  emptied  it,  none 
came  in  the  place  of  what  they  took.  Then  the  cheat  was  soon 
found  out;  for  the  second  soldier  knew  where  he  had  been, 
and  how  he  had  told  the  story  to  the  princess,  and  he  guessed 
that  she  had  played  him  a  trick.  "  Alas !  "  cried  he,  "  poor 
wretches  that  we  are,  what  shall  we  do?  "  "  Oh!  "  said  the 
first  soldier,  "  let  no  gray  hairs  grow  for  this  mishap ;  I  will 
soon  get  the  purse  back."  So  he  threw  his  cloak  across  his 
shoulders  and  wished  himself  in  the  princess's  chamber. 

There  he  found  her  sitting  alone,  telling  up  her  gold,  that 
fell  around  her  in  a  shower  from  the  wonderful  purse. 

But  the  soldier  stood  looking  at  her  too  long;  for  she 
turned  around,  and  the  moment  she  saw  him  she  started  up 
and  cried  out  with  all  her  force,  "  Thieves !  thieves ! "  so  that 
the  whole  court  came  running  in  and  tried  to  seize  on  him. 
The  poor  soldier  now  began  to  be  dreadfully  frightened  in  his 
turn,  and  thought  it  was  high  time  to  make  the  best  of  his 
way  off;  so,  without  thinking  of  the  ready  way  of  traveling 
that  his  cloak  gave  him,  he  ran  to  the  window,  opened  it,  and 
jumped  out ;  and  unluckily,  in  his  haste,  his  cloak  caught  and 
was  left  hanging,  to  the  great  joy  of  the  princess,  who  knew 
its  worth. 

The  poor  soldier  made  the  best  of  his  way  home  to  his 
comrades  on  foot,  and  in  a  very  downcast  mood ;  but  the  third 
soldier  told  him  to  keep  up  his  heart,  and  took  his  horn  and 
blew  a  merry  tune.  At  the  first  blast  a  countless  host  of 
foot-and-horse  came  rushing  to  their  aid,  and  they  set  out  to 
make  war  against  their  enemy.  The  king's  palace  was  at  once 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

besieged,  and  he  was  told  that  he  must  give  up  the  purse  and 
cloak,  or  that  not  one  stone  should  be  left  upon  another.  So 
the  king  went  into  his  daughter's  chamber  and  talked  with 
her ;  but  she  said,  "  Let  me  try  first  if  I  cannot  beat  them  one 
way  or  another."  So  she  thought  of  a  cunning  scheme  to 
over-reach  them ;  and  dressing  herself  out  as  a  poor  girl,  with 
a  basket  on  her  arm,  she  set  out  by  night  with  her  maid,  and 
went  into  the  enemy's  camp,  as  if  she  wanted  to  sell  trinkets. 

In  the  morning  she  began  to  ramble  about,  singing  ballads 
so  beautifully  that  all  the  tents  were  left  empty,  and  the  sol- 
diers ran  round  in  crowds,  and  thought  of  nothing  but  hear- 
ing her  sing.  Among  the  rest  came  the  soldier  to  whom  the 
horn  belonged,  and  as  soon  as  she  saw  him  she  winked  to  her 
maid,  who  slipped  slyly  through  the  crowd,  and  went  into  his 
tent  where  it  hung  and  stole  it  away.  This  done,  they  both 
got  safely  back  to  the  palace,  the  besieging  army  went  away, 
the  three  wonderful  gifts  were  all  left  in  the  hands  of  the 
princess,  and  the  three  soldiers  were  as  penniless  and  forlorn 
as  when  little  Red-jacket  found  them  in  the  wood. 

Poor  fellows !  they  began  to  think  what  was  now  to  be  done. 
"  Comrades,"  at  last  said  the  second  soldier,  who  had  had  the 
purse,  "  we  had  better  part ;  we  cannot  live  together,  let  each 
seek  his  bread  as  well  as  he  can."  So  he  turned  to  the  right, 
and  the  other  two  went  to  the  left,  for  they  said  they  would 
rather  travel  together.  The  second  soldier  strayed  on  till  he 
came  to  a  wood  (which  happened  to  be  the  same  wood  where 
they  had  met  with  so  much  good  luck  before),  and  he  walked 
on  a  long  time  till  evening  began  to  fall,  when  he  sat  down 
tired  beneath  a  tree  and  soon  fell  asleep. 

Morning  dawned,  and  he  was  greatly  delighted,  on  opening 
his  eyes,  to  see  that  the  tree  was  laden  with  the  most  beauti- 
ful apples.  He  was  hungry  enough,  so  he  soon  plucked  and 
ate  first  one,  then  a  second,  then  a  third  apple.  A  strange 
feeling  came  over  his  nose;  when  he  put  the  apple  to  his 
mouth  something  was  in  the  way.  He  felt  it — it  was  his  nose, 
that  grew  and  grew  till  it  hung  down  to  his  breast.  It  did  not 
stop  there — still  it  grew  and  grew.  "  Heavens !  "  thought  he, 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  when  will  it  have  done  growing?  "  And  well  might  he  ask, 
for  by  this  time  it  reached  the  ground  as  he  sat  on  the  grass — 
and  thus  it  kept  creeping  on  till  he  could  not  bear  its  weight 
or  raise  himself  up;  and  it  seemed  as  if  it  would  never  end, 
for  already  it  stretched  its  enormous  length  all  through  the 
wood,  over  hill  and  dale. 

Meantime  his  comrades  were  journeying  on,  till  on  a  sud- 
den one  of  them  stumbled  against  something.  "  What  can 
that  be  ?  "  said  the  other.  They  looked,  and  could  think  of 
nothing  that  it  was  like  but  a  nose.  "  We  will  follow  it  and 
find  its  owner,  however,"  said  they.  So  they  traced  it  up,  till 
at  last  they  found  their  poor  comrade,  lying  stretched  along 
under  the  apple-tree. 

What  was  to  be  done?  They  tried  to  carry  him,  but  in 
vain.  They  caught  an  ass  that  was  passing,  and  raised  him 
upon  its  back;  but  it  was  soon  tired  of  carrying  such  a  load. 
So  they  sat  down  in  despair,  when  before  long  up  came  their 
old  acquaintance,  the  dwarf  with  the  red  jacket.  "  Why,  how 
now,  friend,  "  said  he,  laughing :  "  well,  I  must  find  a  cure  for 
you,  I  see."  So  he  told  them  to  gather  a  pear  from  another 
tree  that  grew  close  by,  and  the  nose  would  come  right  again. 
No  time  was  lost ;  and  the  nose,  to  the  poor  soldier's  joy,  was 
soon  brought  to  its  proper  size. 

"  I  will  do  something  more  for  you,  still,"  said  the  dwarf : 
"  take  some  of  those  pears  and  apples  with  you ;  whoever  eats 
one  of  the  apples  will  have  his  nose  grow  like  yours  just  now ; 
but  if  you  give  him  a  pear,  all  will  come  right  again.  Go  to 
the  princess,  and  get  her  to  eat  some  of  your  apples ;  her  nose 
will  grow  twenty  times  as  long  as  yours  did :  then  look  sharp, 
and  you  will  get  what  you  want  from  her." 

The  friends  thanked  the  dwarf  very  heartily  for  all  his 
kindness;  and  it  was  agreed  that  the  poor  soldier,  who  had 
already  tried  the  power  of  the  apple,  should  follow  out  the  sug- 
gestion. So  he  dressed  himself  up  as  a  gardener's  boy,  and  went 
to  the  king's  palace,  and  said  he  had  apples  to  sell,  so  fine  and 
so  beautiful  as  were  never  seen  there  before.  Every  one  that 
saw  them  was  delighted,  and  wanted  to  taste ;  but  he  said  they 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

were  for  the  princess  only ;  and  she  soon  sent  her  maid  to  buy 
his  stock.  They  were  so  ripe  and  rosy  that  she  soon  began 
eating ;  and  had  not  eaten  above  a  dozen  before  she  too  began 
to  wonder  what  ailed  her  nose,  for  it  grew  and  grew  down  to 
the  ground,  out  at  the  window,  and  over  the  garden,  and 
away,  nobody  knows  where. 

Then  the  king  made  known  to  all  his  kingdom  that  whoever 
would  heal  her  of  this  dreadful  disease  should  be  richly  re- 
warded. Many  tried,  but  the  princess  got  no  relief.  And 
now  the  old  soldier  dressed  himself  up  very  sprucely  as  a 
doctor,  and  said  he  would  cure  her.  So  he  chopped  up  some 
of  the  apple,  and,  to  punish  her  a  little  more,  gave  her  a  dose, 
saying  he  would  call  to-morrow  and  see  her  again.  The  mor- 
row came,  and,  of  course,  instead  of  being  better,  the  nose 
had  been  growing  on  all  night  as  before ;  and  the  poor  prin- 
cess was  in  a  dreadful  fright.  So  the  doctor  then  chopped  up 
a  very  little  of  the  pear  and  gave  her,  and  said  he  was  sure 
that  would  do  good,  and  he  would  call  again  the  next  day. 
Next  day  came,  and  the  nose  was,  to  be  sure,  a  little  smaller, 
but  yet  it  was  bigger  than  when  the  doctor  first  began  to  med- 
dle with  it. 

Then  he  thought  to  himself,  "  I  must  frighten  this  cun- 
ning princess  a  little  more  before  I  shall  get  what  I  want 
from  her  " ;  so  he  gave  her  another  dose  of  the  apple,  and  said 
he  would  call  on  the  morrow.  The  morrow  came,  and  the 
nose  was  ten  times  as  bad  as  before.  "  My  good  lady,"  said 
the  doctor,  "  something  works  against  my  medicine,  and  is  too 
strong  for  it ;  but  I  know  by  the  force  of  my  art  what  it  is ; 
you  have  stolen  goods  about  you,  I  am  sure;  and  if  you  do 
not  give  them  back,  I  can  do  nothing  for  you."  But  the  prin- 
cess denied  very  stoutly  that  she  had  anything  of  the  kind. 
"  Very  well,"  said  the  doctor,  "  you  may  do  as  you  please, 
but  I  am  sure  I  am  right,  and  you  will  die  if  you  do  not  own 
it."  Then  he  went  to  the  king,  and  told  him  how  the  matter 
stood.  "  Daughter,"  said  he,  "  send  back  the  cloak,  -the  purse, 
and  the  horn,  that  you  stole  from  the  right  owners." 

Then  she  ordered  her  maid  to  fetch  all  three,  and  gave  them 

[116] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

to  the  doctor,  and  begged  him  to  give  them  back  to  the  sol- 
diers ;  and  the  moment  he  had  them  safe  he  gave  her  a  whole 
pear  to  eat,  and  the  nose  came  right.  And  as  for  the 
doctor,  he  put  on  the  cloak,  wished  the  king  and  all  his  court 
a  good  day,  and  was  soon  with  his  two  friends,  who  lived 
from  that  time  happily  at  home  in  their  palace,  except  when 
they  took  an  airing  to  see  the  world,  in  their  coach  with  the 
three  dapple-gray  horses. 


I"?] 

/     - 


The  Adventures  of  Chanticleer  and 
Partlet 

I.    HOW    THEY    WENT   TO   THE    HILLS    TO    EAT    NUTS 

X^>HANTICLEER  said  to  Partlet  one  day:  "The  nuts 
I  must  be  ripe;  now  we  will  go  up  the  hill  together  and 
^-^  have  a  good  feast  before  the  squirrel  carries  them 
all  off." 

"  All  right,"  said  Partlet,  "  come  along ;  we'll  have  a  fine 
time."  So  they  went  away  up  the  hill,  and,  as  it  was  a  bright 
day,  they  stayed  till  evening. 

Now  whether  they  really  had  grown  fat,  or  whether  it  was 
merely  pride,  I  do  not  know,  but,  whatever  the  reason,  they 
would  not  walk  home,  and  Chanticleer  had  to  make  a  little 
carriage  of  nut-shells.  When  it  was  ready,  Partlet  took  her 
seat  in  it,  and  said  to  Chanticleer,  "  Now  you  get  between  the 
shafts." 

"That's  all  very  fine,"  said  Chanticleer,  "but  I  would 
sooner  go  home  on  foot  than  put  myself  in  harness.  I 
will  sit  on  the  box  and  drive,  but  draw  it  myself,  I  never 
will." 

As  they  were  squabbling  over  this,  a  duck  quacked  out: 
"  You  thievish  folk !  Who  told  you  to  come  to  my  nut-hill  ? 
Just  you  wait,  you  will  suffer  for  it." 

Then  she  rushed  at  Chanticleer  with  open  bill,  but  he  was 
not  to  be  taken  by  surprise,  and  fell  upon  her  with  his  spurs 
till  she  cried  out  for  grace.  At  last  she  allowed  herself  to  be 
harnessed  to  the  carriage.  Chanticleer  seated  himself  on  the 
box  as  coachman,  and  cried  out  unceasingly :  "  Now,  duck, 
run  as  fast  as  you  can." 

[118] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

When  they  had  driven  a  little  way  they  met  two  foot  pas- 
sengers, a  pin  and  a  needle,  who  called  out :  "  Stop !  stop !  " 
They  said  it  would  soon  be  pitch  dark,  and  they  couldn't  walk 
a  step  farther,  the  road  was  so  dirty;  might  they  not  have 
a  lift?  They  had  been  to  the  Tailor's  Inn  by  the  gate,  and  had 
lingered  over  their  beer. 

As  they  were  both  very  thin,  and  did  not  take  up  much 
room,  Chanticleer  allowed  them  to  get  in,  but  he  made  them 
promise  not  to  tread  either  on  his  toes  or  on  Partlet 's.  Late 
in  the  evening  they  came  to  an  inn,  and  as  they  did  not  want 
to  drive  any  farther  in  the  dark,  and  the  duck  was  getting 
rather  uncertain  on  her  feet,  tumbling  from  side  to  side,  they 
drove  in. 

The  landlord  at  first  made  many  objections  to  having  them, 
and  said  the  house  was  already  full ;  perhaps  he  thought  they 
were  not  very  grand  folk.  But  at  last,  by  dint  of  persuasive 
words,  and  promising  him  the  egg  which  Mrs.  Partlet  had 
laid  on  the  way,  and  also  that  he  should  keep  the  duck,  who 
laid  an  egg  every  day,  he  consented  to  let  them  stay  the  night. 

Then  they  had  a  meal  served  to  them,  and  feasted  and 
passed  the  time  in  rioting. 

In  the  early  dawn,  before  it  grew  light  and  every  one  was 
asleep,  Partlet  woke  up  Chanticleer,  fetched  the  egg,  pecked  a 
hole  in  it,  and  between  them  they  ate  it  all  up,  and  threw  the 
shells  on  to  the  hearth.  Then  they  went  to  the  needle,  which 
was  still  asleep,  seized  it  by  the  head  and  stuck  it  in  the  cush- 
ion of  the  landlord's  arm-chair;  the  pin  they  stuck  in  his 
towel,  and  then,  without  more  ado,  away  they  flew  over  the 
heath.  The  duck,  who  preferred  to  sleep  in  the  open  air  and 
had  stayed  in  the  yard,  heard  them  whizzing  by,  and  bestirred 
herself.  She  found  a  stream,  and  swam  away  down  it ;  it  was 
a  much  quicker  way  to  get  on  than  being  harnessed  to  a 
carriage. 

A  couple  of  hours  later  the  landlord,  who  was  the  first 
to  leave  his  pillow,  got  up  and  washed.  When  he  took  up  the 
towel  to  dry  himself,  he  scratched  his  face  and  made  a  long 
red  line  from  ear  to  ear.  Then  he  went  to  the  kitchen  to  light 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

his  pipe,  but  when  he  stooped  over  the  hearth  the  egg-shells 
flew  into  his  eye. 

"  Everything  goes  to  my  head  this  morning,'5  he  said 
angrily,  as  he  dropped  on  to  the  cushion  of  his  grandfather's 
arm-chair.  But  he  quickly  bounded  up  again,  and  shouted, 
"  Gracious  me !  "  for  the  needle  had  run  into  him,  and  this 
time  not  in  the  head.  He  grew  furious,  and  his  suspicions 
immediately  fell  on  the  guests  who  had  come  in  so  late  the 
night  before.  When  he  went  to  look  for  them,  they  were  no- 
where to  be  seen.  Then  he  swore  never  to  take  such  raga- 
muffins into  his  house  again;  for  they  ate  a  great  deal,  paid 
nothing,  and  played  tricks,  by  way  of  thanks,  into  the  bargain. 


II.    THE  VISIT   TO    MR.    KORBES 

Another  day,  when  Partlet  and  Chanticleer  were  about  to 
take  a  journey,  Chanticleer  built  a  fine  carriage  with  four  red 
wheels,  and  harnessed  four  little  mice  to  it.  Mrs.  Partlet 
seated  herself  in  it  with  Chanticleer,  and  they  drove  off  to- 
gether. 

Before  long  they  met  a  cat,  who  said,  "  Whither  away  ?  " 

Chanticleer  answered: 

"All  on  our  way 
A  visit  to  pay 
To  Mr.  Korbes  at  home  to-day." 

"  Take  me  with  you,"  said  the  cat. 

Chanticleer  answered :  "  With  pleasure ;  sit  down  behind, 
so  that  you  don't  fall  out  forward." 

"When  we're  off,  away  we  roam, 
To  visit  Mr.  Korbes  at  home. 
My  wheels  so  red,  pray  have  a  care 
From  any  splash  of  mud  to  spare. 
Ye  wheels  sweep  on  with  speed  inclined, 
Ye  mice  outstrip  the  whistling  wind, 
When  we're  off,  away  to  roam, 
To  visit  Mr.  Korbes  at  home." 
[120] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

Then  came  a  millstone,  an  egg,  a  duck,  a  pin,  and,  last  of 
all,  a  needle.  They  all  took  their  places  in  the  carriage  and 
went  with  the  rest. 

But  when  they  arrived  at  Mr.  Korbes's  house,  he  wasn't  in. 
The  mice  drew  the  carriage  into  the  coach-house,  Partlet  and 
Chanticleer  flew  on  to  a  perch,  the  cat  sat  down  by  the  fire, 
the  duck  lay  down  by  the  well-pole.  The  egg  rolled  itself  up 
in  the  towel,  the  pin  stuck  itself  into  the  cushion,  the  needle 
sprang  into  the  pillow  on  the  bed,  and  the  millstone  laid 
itself  over  the  door. 

When  Mr.  Korbes  came  home,  and  went  to  the  hearth  to 
make  a  fire,  the  cat  threw  ashes  into  his  eyes.  He  ran  into  the 
kitchen  to  wash,  and  the  duck  squirted  water  into  his  face; 
seizing  the  towel  to  dry  himself,  the  egg  rolled  out,  broke,  and 
stuck  up  one  of  his  eyes.  He  wanted  to  rest,  and  sat  down 
in  his  arm-chair,  when  the  pin  pricked  him.  He  grew  very 
angry,  threw  himself  on  the  bed  and  laid  his  head  on  the 
pillow,  when  the  needle  ran  into  him  and  made  him  cry  out. 
In  a  fury  he  wanted  to  rush  into  the  open  air,  but  when  he 
got  to  the  door,  the  millstone  fell  on  his  head  and  killed  him. 
What  a  bad  man  Mr.  Korbes  must  have  been ! 


III.    THE  DEATH   OF  PARTLET 

Partlet  and  Chanticleer  went  to  the  nut-hill  on  another 
occasion,  and  they  arranged  that  whichever  of  them  found  a 
nut  should  share  it  with  the  other. 

Partlet  found  a  huge  nut,  but  said  nothing  about  it,  and 
meant  to  eat  it  all  herself;  but  the  kernel  was  so  big  that  she 
could  not  swallow  it.  It  stuck  in  her  throat,  and  she  was 
afraid  she  would  be  choked.  She  shrieked :  "  Chanticleer, 
Chanticleer,  run  and  fetch  some  water  as  fast  as  you  can,  or 
I  shall  choke!" 

So  Chanticleer  ran  as  fast  as  he  could  to  the  well,  and 
said :  "  Well,  well,  you  must  give  me  some  water !  Partlet 
is  out  on  the  nut-hill;  she  has  swallowed  a  big  nut,  and  is 
choking." 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

The  well  answered :  "  First  you  must  run  to  my  bride,  and 
tell  her  to  give  you  some  red  silk." 

Chanticleer  ran  to  the  bride,  and  said :  "  Bride,  bride,  give 
me  some  red  silk;  I  will  give  the  silk  to  the  well,  and  the 
well  will  give  me  some  water  to  take  to  Partlet,  for  she  has 
swallowed  a  big  nut  and  is  choking." 

The  bride  answered :  "  Run  first  and  fetch  me  a  wreath 
which  I  left  hanging  on  a  willow." 

So  Chanticleer  ran  to  the  willow,  pulled  the  wreath  off 
the  branch,  and  brought  it  to  the  bride.  The  bride  gave 
him  the  red  silk,  which  he  took  to  the  well,  and  the  well 
gave  him  the  water  for  it.  Then  Chanticleer  took  the  water 
to  Partlet ;  but  as  it  happened,  she  had  choked  in  the  meantime, 
and  lay  there  dead  and  stiff.  Chanticleer's  grief  was  so  great 
that  he  cried  aloud,  and  all  the  animals  came  and  condoled 
with  him. 

Six  mice  built  a  little  car  to  draw  Partlet  to  the  grave ;  and 
when  the  car  was  ready  they  harnessed  themselves  to  it  and 
drew  Partlet  away. 

On  the  way,  Reynard  the  fox  joined  them.  "  Where  are 
you  going,  Chanticleer  ?  "  said  he. 

"  I'm  going  to  bury  my  wife,  Partlet." 

"  May  I  go  with  you  ?  " 

"Well,  yes,  if  ride  you  will,  you  must  jump  up  behind, 
To  carry  weight  in  front,  my  horses  aren't  inclined." 

So  the  fox  took  a  seat  at  the  back,  and  he  was  followed 
by  the  wolf,  the  bear,  the  stag,  the  lion,  and  all  the  other 
animals  of  the  forest.  The  procession  went  on  till  they  came 
to  a  stream. 

"  How  shall  we  ever  get  over  ?  "  said  Chanticleer. 

A  straw  was  lying  by  the  stream,  and  it  said :  "  I  will 
stretch  myself  across,  and  then  you  can  pass  over  upon  me." 

But  when  the  six  mice  got  on  to  the  straw  it  collapsed,  and 
the  mice  fell  into  the  water  with  it,  and  they  were  all  drowned. 
So  the  travelers'  difficulty  was  as  great  as  ever.  Then  a  coal 

[122] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

came  along  and  said :  "  I  am  big  enough ;  I  will  lie  down  and 
you  can  pass  over  me." 

So  the  coal  laid  itself  across  the  stream,  but  unfortunately 
it  just  touched  the  water,  hissed,  went  out,  and  was  dead. 
A  stone,  seeing  this,  had  pity  on  them,  and,  wanting  to  help 
Chanticleer,  laid  itself  over  the  water.  Now  Chanticleer  drew 
the  car  himself,  and  he  just  managed  to  get  across  with  Part- 
let.  Next  he  wanted  to  pull  the  others  over  who  were  hang- 
ing on  behind,  but  it  was  too  much  for  him,  and  the  car  fell 
back  and  they  all  fell  into  the  water  and  were  drowned. 

So  Chanticleer  was  left  alone  with  the  dead  hen,  and  he 
dug  a  grave  himself  and  laid  her  in  it.  Then  he  made  a 
mound  over  it,  and  seated  himself  upon  it  and  grieved  till  he 
died;  and  then  they  were  all  dead. 


The   Golden    Goose 

rHERE  was  once  a  man  who  had  three  sons.  The 
youngest  of  them  was  called  Simpleton;  he  was 
scorned  and  despised  by  the  others,  and  kept  in  the 
background. 

The  eldest  son  was  going  into  the  forest  to  cut  wood,  and, 
before  he  started,  his  mother  gave  him  a  nice  sweet  cake  and 
a  bottle  of  wine  to  take  with  him,  so  that  he  might  not  suffer 
from  hunger  or  thirst.  In  the  wood  he  met  a  little,  old,  gray 
man,  who  bade  him  good  day,  and  said :  "  Give  me  a  bit  of 
the  cake  in  your  pocket,  and  let  me  have  a  drop  of  your  wine. 
I  am  so  hungry  and  thirsty." 

But  the  clever  son  said :  "  If  I  give  you  my  cake  and  wine, 
I  sha'n't  have  enough  for  myself.  Be  off  with  you ! " 

He  left  the  little  man  standing  there,  and  went  on  his  way. 
But  he  had  not  been  long  at  work,  cutting  down  a  tree,  be- 
fore he  made  a  false  stroke,  and  dug  the  ax  into  his  own 
arm,  and  he  was  obliged  to  go  home  to  have  it  bound  up. 

Now,  this  was  no  accident;  it  was  brought  about  by  the 
little  gray  man. 

The  second  son  now  had  to  go  into  the  forest  to  cut  wood, 
and,  like  the  eldest,  his  mother  gave  him  a  sweet  cake  and 
a  bottle  of  wine.  In  the  same  way  the  little  gray  man  met 
him,  and  asked  for  a  piece  of  his  cake  and  a  drop  of  his  wine. 
But  the  second  son  made  the  same  sensible  answer :  "If  I 
give  you  any,  I  shall  have  the  less  for  myself.  Be  off  out 
of  my  way ! "  and  he  went  on. 

His  punishment,  however,  was  not  long  delayed.  After  a 
few  blows  at  the  tree,  he  hit  his  own  leg,  and  had  to  be  car- 
ried home. 

Then  Simpleton  said :  "  Let  me  go  to  cut  the  wood,  father." 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

But  his  father  said :  "  Your  brothers  have  only  come  to 
harm  by  it;  you  had  better  leave  it  alone.  You  know  noth- 
ing about  it."  But  Simpleton  begged  so  hard  to  be  allowed 
to  go  that  at  last  his  father  said :  "  Well,  off  you  go  then. 
You  will  be  wiser  when  you  have  hurt  yourself," 

His  mother  gave  him  a  cake  which  was  mixed  with  water 
only  and  baked  in  the  ashes,  and  a  bottle  of  sour  beer.  When 
he  reached  the  forest,  like  the  others,  he  met  the  little  gray 
man,  who  greeted  him,  and  said :  "  Give  me  a  bit  of  your  cake 
and  a  drop  of  your  wine.  I  am  so  hungry  and  thirsty." 

Simpleton  answered :  "  I  have  only  a  cake  baked  in  the 
ashes,  and  some  sour  beer ;  but,  if  you  like  such  fare,  we  will 
sit  down  and  eat  it  together." 

So  they  sat  down ;  but  when  Simpleton  pulled  out  his  cake, 
it  was  a  sweet,  nice  cake,  and  his  sour  beer  was  turned  into 
good  wine.  So  they  ate  and  drank,  and  the  little  man  said: 
"  As  you  have  such  a  kind  heart,  and  are  willing  to  share  your 
possessions,  I  will  give  you  good  luck.  There  stands  an  old 
tree;  cut  it  down,  and  you  will  find  something  at  the  roots." 

So  saying,  he  disappeared. 

Simpleton  cut  down  the  tree,  and  when  it  fell,  lo,  and  be- 
hold! a  goose  was  sitting  among  the  roots,  and  its  feathers 
were  of  pure  gold.  He  picked  it  up,  and  taking  it  with  him, 
went  to  an  inn,  where  he  meant  to  stay  the  night.  The 
landlord  had  three  daughters,  who  saw  the  goose,  and  were 
very  curious  as  to  what  kind  of  bird  it  could  be,  and  wanted 
to  get  one  of  its  golden  feathers. 

The  eldest  thought :  "  There  will  soon  be  some  opportunity 
for  me  to  pull  out  one  of  the  feathers,"  and  when  Simpleton 
went  outside,  she  took  hold  of  its  wing  to  pluck  out  a  feather ; 
but  her  hand  stuck  fast,  and  she  could  not  get  away. 

Soon  after,  the  second  sister  came  up,  meaning  also  to  pluck 
out  one  of  the  golden  feathers;  but  she  had  hardly  touched 
her  sister  when  she  found  herself  held  fast. 

Lastly,  the  third  one  came,  with  the  same  intention,  but  the 
others  screamed  out :  "  Keep  away !  For  goodness  sake,  keep 
away ! " 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

But  she,  not  knowing  why  she  was  to  keep  away,  thought, 
"  Why  should  I  not  be  there,  if  they  are  there?  " 

So  she  ran  up,  but  as  soon  as  she  touched  her  sisters  she 
had  to  stay  hanging  on  to  them,  and  they  all  had  to  pass  the 
night  like  this. 

In  the  morning,  Simpleton  took  up  the  goose  under  his  arm, 
without  noticing  the  three  girls  hanging  on  behind,  so  they 
had  to  keep  running  after,  dodging  his  legs  right  and  left. 

In  the  middle  of  the  fields  they  met  the  parson,  who,  when 
he  saw  the  procession,  cried  out :  "  For  shame,  you  bold  girls ! 
Why  do  you  run  after  the  lad  like  that?  Do  you  call  that 
proper  behavior  ?  " 

Then  he  took  hold  of  the  hand  of  the  youngest  girl  to  pull 
her  away ;  but  no  sooner  had  he  touched  her  than  he  felt  him- 
self held  fast,  and  he,  too,  had  to  run  behind. 

Soon  after  the  sexton  came  up,  and,  seeing  his  master  the 
parson  treading  on  the  heels  of  the  three  girls,  cried  out  in 
amazement :  "  Hallo,  your  Reverence !  Whither  away  so  fast? 
Don't  forget  that  we  have  a  christening !  " 

So  saying,  he  plucked  the  parson  by  the  sleeve,  and  soon 
found  that  he  could  not  get  away  either. 

As  this  party  of  five,  one  behind  the  other,  tramped  on, 
two  peasants  came  along  the  road,  carrying  their  hoes.  The 
parson  called  them,  and  asked  them  to  set  the  sexton  and 
himself  free.  But  as  soon  as  ever  they  touched  the  sexton 
they  were  held  fast,  so  now  there  were  seven  people  running 
behind  Simpleton  and  his  goose. 

By  and  by  they  reached  a  town  where  a  king  ruled  whose 
only  daughter  was  so  solemn  that  nothing  and  nobody  could 
make  her  laugh.  So  the  king  had  proclaimed  that  whoever 
could  bring  her  laughter  should  marry  her. 

When  Simpleton  heard  this  he  took  his  goose,  with  all  his 
following,  before  her,  and  when  she  saw  these  seven  people 
running,  one  behind  another,  she  burst  into  fits  of  laughter, 
and  seemed  as  if  she  could  never  stop. 

Thereupon  Simpleton  asked  her  in  marriage.  But  the  king 
did  not  like  him  for  a  son-in-law,  and  he  made  all  sorts  of 

[126] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

conditions.  First,  he  said  Simpleton  must  bring  him  a  man 
who  could  drink  up  a  cellar  full  of  wine. 

Then  Simpleton  at  once  thought  of  the  little  gray  man, 
who  might  be  able  to  help  him,  and  he  went  out  to  the  forest 
to  look  for  him.  On  the  very  spot  where  the  tree  that  he  had 
cut  down  had  stood,  he  saw  a  man  sitting  with  a  very  sad 
face.  Simpleton  asked  him  what  was  the  matter,  and  he  an- 
swered : 

"  I  am  so  thirsty,  and  I  can't  quench  my  thirst.  I  hate 
cold  water,  and  I  have  already  emptied  a  cask  of  wine;  but 
what  is  a  drop  like  that  on  a  burning  stone  ?  " 

"  Well,  there  I  can  help  you,"  said  Simpleton.  "  Come  with 
me,  and  you  shall  soon  have  enough  to  drink  and  to  spare." 

He  led  him  to  the  king's  cellar,  and  the  man  set  to  upon  the 
great  casks,  and  he  drank  and  drank  till  his  sides  ached,  and 
by  the  end  of  the  day  the  cellar  was  empty. 

Then  again  Simpleton  demanded  his  bride.  But  the  king 
was  annoyed  that  a  wretched  fellow  called  "  Simpleton " 
should  have  his  daughter,  and  he  made  new  conditions.  He 
was  now  to  find  a  man  who  could  eat  up  a  mountain  of  bread. 

Simpleton  did  not  reflect  long,  but  went  straight  to  the 
forest,  and  there  in  the  self-same  place  sat  a  man  tightening 
a  strap  round  his  body,  and  making  a  very  miserable  face. 
He  said :  "  I  have  eaten  up  a  whole  ovenful  of  rolls,  but  what 
is  the  good  of  that  when  any  one  is  as  hungry  as  I  am. 
I  am  never  satisfied.  I  have  to  tighten  my  belt  every  day 
if  I  am  not  to  die  of  hunger." 

Simpleton  was  delighted,  and  said :  "  Get  up  and  come  with 
me.  You  shall  have  enough  to  eat." 

Then  he  took  him  to  the  court,  where  the  king  had  caused 
all  the  flour  in  the  kingdom  to  be  brought  together,  and  a 
huge  mountain  of  bread  to  be  baked.  The  man  from  the 
forest  sat  down  before  it  and  began  to  eat,  and  at  the  end 
of  the  day  the  whole  mountain  had  disappeared. 

Now,  for  the  third  time,  Simpleton  asked  for  his  bride.  But 
again  the  king  tried  to  find  an  excuse,  and  demanded  a  ship 
which  could  sail  on  land  as  well  as  at  sea. 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  As  soon  as  you  can  furnish  it,  you  shall  have  my  daugh- 
ter," he  said. 

Simpleton  went  straight  to  the  forest,  and  there  sat  the  lit- 
tle gray  man  to  whom  he  had  given  his  cake.  The  little  man 
said :  "  I  -have  eaten  and  drunk  for  you,  and  now  I  will  give 
you  the  ship,  too.  I  do  it  all  because  you  were  merciful  to  me." 

Then  he  gave  him  the  ship  which  could  sail  on  land  as  well 
as  at  sea,  and  when  the  king  saw  it  he  could  no  longer  with- 
hold his  daughter.  The  marriage  was  celebrated,  and,  at  the 
king's  death,  Simpleton  inherited  the  kingdom,  and  lived  long 
and  happily  with  his  wife. 


[  128 


The   Young   Giant 


X^VNCE  upon  a  time  there  lived  a  husbandman  who  had 
i  i  a  son  who,  when  he  was  born,  was  no  bigger  than  the 
v-X  length  of  a  thumb,  and  who  for  many  years  did  not 
grow  a  hair's  breadth  taller. 

One  morning,  just  as  the  countryman  was  about  to  set  out 
to  plow  his  field,  little  Thumbling  said: 

"  Father,  I  want  to  go,  too." 

"  I  dare  say  you  do,"  said  the  man ;  "  but  you  are  much  bet- 
ter at  home.  If  I  took  you  out  I  should  be  sure  to  lose  you." 

Thereupon  Thumbling  fell  a-crying,  and  cried  so  much  that 
at  length  his  father  picked  him  up  and  put  him  in  his  pocket 
and  set  forth  to  his  work. 

When  they  reached  the  fields  the  man  took  his  son  out  and 
set  him  down  on  the  ridge  of  a  newly  turned  furrow,  so  that 
he  might  see  the  world  around  him.  Then  suddenly  from 
over  the  mountains  a  great  giant  came  striding  toward  them. 

"  See,  son,"  said  the  husbandman,  "  here  is  an  ogre  coming 
to  fetch  you  away  because  you  were  naughty  and  cried  this 
morning." 

And  the  words  had  scarcely  passed  his  lips  when,  in  two 
great  strides,  the  giant  had  reached  little  Thumbling's  side 
and  had  picked  him  up  in  his  great  hands  and  carried  him 
away  without  uttering  a  sound. 

The  poor  father  stood  dumb  with  fear,  for  he  thought  he 
should  never  see  his  little  son  again. 

The  giant,  however,  treated  little  Thumbling  very  kindly 
in  his  house  in  the  woods.  He  kept  him  warm  in  his  pocket, 
and  fed  him  so  heartily  and  well  that  Thumbling  became  a 
young  giant  himself,  tall,  and  broad. 

At  the  end  of  two  years  the  old  giant  took  him  out  into  the 
woods  to  try  his  strength. 

[129] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  Pull  up  that  birch-tree  for  a  staff  to  lean  upon,"  he  said, 
and  the  youth  obeyed  and  pulled  it  up  by  the  roots  as  if 
it  had  been  a  mere  weed. 

The  old  giant  still  thought  he  should  like  him  to  be 
stronger,  so,  after  taking  great  care  of  him  for  another  two 
years,  they  again  went  out  into  the  wood.  This  time  Thumb- 
ling  playfully  uprooted  a  stout  old  oak,  and  the  old  giant,  well 
pleased,  cried: 

"  Now  you  are  a  credit  to  me/'  and  took  him  back  to  the 
field  where  he  first  found  him. 

Here  the  young  giant's  father  happened  to  be  just  then 
plowing;  so  Thumbling  went  up  to  him  and  said: 

"  See,  father,  to  what  a  great  big  man  your  son  has 
grown !  " 

But  the  peasant  was  afraid. 

"  Be  off  with  you !    I  don't  know  you,"  he  cried. 

"  But  really  and  truly,  father,  I  am  your  son,"  he  said. 
"  Let  me  take  the  plow,  for  I  can  guide  it  quite  as  well  as 
you." 

The  father  very  unwillingly  let  go  of  the  plow,  for  he  was 
afraid  of  the  giant,  and  sat  down  to  watch.  Then  Thumbling 
laid  one  hand  on  the  plowshare  and  straightway  drove  it  so 
deep  into  the  ground  that  the  peasant  cried : 

"  Now  you  will  do  more  harm  than  good,  if  you  drive  so 
deep  into  the  earth." 

Thereupon  the  young  giant  unharnessed  the  horses  and  be- 
gan to  draw  the  plow  himself,  first  saying : 

"  Now,  father,  get  you  home  and  tell  mother  to  cook  a 
hearty  meal,  while  I  just  run  round  the  field." 

And  in  a  very  short  time  he  had  done  what  the  peasant 
would  have  taken  two  whole  days  to  do. 

When  all  was  finished,  he  laid  plow,  horse,  and  harrow  over 
his  shoulders  and  carried  them  home  as  easily  as  though  they 
were  a  truss  of  hay. 

When  he  reached  the  house,  he  saw  his  mother  sitting  on  a 
bench  in  the  courtyard. 

"  Oh,  who  is  this  frightful  monster  of  a  man  ?  "  she  cried. 

[130] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  That  is  our  son,"  said  her  husband. 

"  I  cannot  believe  that,"  replied  the  woman,  "  for  our  child 
was  a  tiny  little  thing,"  and  she  begged  the  young  giant  to  go 
away. 

However,  he  did  not  take  any  notice  of  what  she  said,  for, 
after  feeding  the  horse  in  the  stable,  he  came  into  the  kitchen 
and  sat  himself  down  upon  the  edge  of  the  dresser. 

"  Mother,  mother,"  he  said,  "  I  am  so  hungry.  Give  me  my 
dinner." 

"  Here  it  is,"  said  his  mother,  and  set  two  enormous  dishes 
of  smoking  stew  upon  the  table. 

It  would  have  been  enough  to  last  the  husbandman  and  his 
wife  for  eight  whole  days,  but  the  giant  ate  it  all  up  in  five 
minutes,  and  then  asked  if  they  could  give  him  more.  But 
the  woman  shook  her  head,  and  said  they  had  no  more  in  the 
house. 

"  Mother,"  he  said,  "  I  am  fainting  with  hunger.  That  was 
a  mere  bite." 

The  woman  was  so  frightened  at  this  that  she  ran  and  made 
some  more  stew  in  the  largest  fish  kettle. 

"Ah,"  sighed  the  young  giant,  "this  is  something  like  a 
meal!" 

But  when  he  had  finished  he  still  felt  hungry,  and  said : 

"  Well,  father,  I  can  see  I  shall  starve  if  I  come  here  to 
live.  I  will  go  and  seek  my  fortune  in  the  wide  world,  if  you 
can  procure  me  a  bar  of  iron  so  strong  that  I  cannot  break  it 
across  my  knee." 

The  peasant  quickly  harnessed  his  two  horses  to  the  wagon, 
and  from  the  smithy  in  the  village  he  fetched  an  iron  bar 
so  heavy  that  the  horses  could  hardly  drag  it.  This  the 
giant  tried  across  his  knee.  Snap!  it  cracked  in  half,  like 
a  twig. 

Then  the  peasant  took  his  wagon  and  four  horses  to  the 
smithy  and  brought  back  as  heavy  a  bar  as  they  could  carry. 
But  in  a  second  the  giant  had  broken  it  into  two  pieces  and 
tossed  them  each  aside. 

"  Father,"  he  said,  "  I  need  a  stronger  one  yet.     Take  the 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

wagon  and  eight  horses  to  the  smithy,  and  fetch  me  back  as 
heavy  a  one  as  they  can  draw." 

This  the  countryman  did,  and  again  the  youth  broke  it  in 
two  as  easily  as  if  he  had  cracked  a  nut. 

"  Well,  father,  I  see  you  cannot  get  me  anything  strong 
enough.  I  must  go  and  try  my  fortune  without  it." 

So  he  turned  blacksmith  and  journeyed  for  many  miles,  un- 
til he  came  to  a  village,  where  dwelt  a  very  grasping  smith, 
who  earned  a  great  deal  of  money,  but  who  gave  not  a  penny 
of  it  away. 

The  giant  stepped  into  his  forge  and  asked  if  by  any  chance 
he  were  in  want  of  help. 

"  What  wages  do  you  ask  ?  "  said  the  smith,  looking  the 
young  man  up  and  down ;  for,  thought  he :  "  Here  is  a  fine, 
powerful  fellow,  who  surely  will  be  worth  his  salt." 

"  I  don't  want  money,"  replied  the  giant.  "  But  here's  a 
bargain:  every  fortnight,  when  you  give  your  workmen  their 
wages,  I  will  give  you  two  strokes  across  your  shoulders.  It 
will  be  just  a  little  amusement  for  me." 

The  cunning  smith  agreed  very  willingly,  for,  he  thought, 
in  this  way  he  would  save  a  great  deal  of  money. 

However,  next  morning  when  the  new  journeyman 
started  work,  with  the  very  first  stroke  he  gave  the  red- 
hot  iron,  it  shivered  into  a  thousand  pieces,  and  the  anvil 
buried  itself  so  deep  in  the  earth  that  he  could  not  pull  it 
out  again. 

"  Here,  fellow,"  cried  his  master,  "  you  won't  suit  me ;  you 
are  far  too  clumsy.  I  must  put  an  end  to  our  bargain." 

"  Just  as  you  please,"  said  the  other,  "  but  you  must  pay  me 
for  the  work  I  have  done,  so  I  will  just  give  you  one  little 
tap  on  the  shoulder." 

With  that  he  gave  the  greedy  smith  such  a  blow  that  it 
knocked  him  flying  over  four  hay-ricks.  Then,  picking  up 
the  stoutest  iron  bar  he  could  find  for  a  walking-stick,  he  set 
forth  once  more  on  his  travels. 

Presently  he  came  to  a  farmhouse,  where  he  inquired  if 
they  were  in  need  of  a  bailiff.  Now,  the  farmer  just  happened 


TALES    OF    LAUGHTER 

to  need  a  head  man,  so  he  was  engaged  at  once  upon  the  same 
terms  as  he  had  arranged  with  the  old  blacksmith. 

Next  morning  the  farm  servants  were  to  go  and  fell  trees 
in  the  wood,  but  just  as  they  were  ready  to  start  they  found 
the  new  bailiff  was  still  in  bed  and  fast  asleep. 

They  shook  him  and  shouted  at  him,  but  he  would  not  open 
his  eyes ;  he  only  grumbled  at  them  and  told  them  to  be  gone. 

"  I  shall  have  done  my  work  and  reached  home  long  before 
you,"  he  said. 

So  he  stayed  in  bed  for  another  two  hours,  then  arose,  and 
after  eating  a  hearty  breakfast  he  started  with  his  cart  and 
horses  for  the  wood. 

There  was  a  narrow  pathway  through  which  he  had  to 
pass  just  before  entering  the  wood,  and  after  he  had  led  his 
horses  through  this  he  went  back  and  built  up  a  barrier  of 
brambles  and  furze  and  branches  so  thick  that  no  horse  could 
possibly  force  its  way  through. 

Then  he  drove  on  and  met  his  fellow-servants  just  leaving 
the  wood  on  their  way  home. 

"  Drive  on,  my  friends/'  he  said,  "  and  I  will  be  home  be- 
fore you  even  now." 

Then  he  pulled  up  a  giant  elm  by  its  roots  just  on  the 
border  of  the  woods,  and  laying  it  on  his  cart,  he  turned  and 
quickly  overtook  the  others. 

There  they  were,  staring  helplessly  at  the  great  barricade 
which  barred  their  path,  just  as  he  had  expected  to  find  them. 

"  Ha,  ha !  "  he  chuckled,  "  you  might  just  as  well  have  slept 
an  hour  or  two  longer,  for  I  told  you  you  would  not  get  home 
before  me." 

Then,  shouldering  the  tree,  the  horse  and  the  cart,  he 
pushed  a  way  through  the  barrier  as  easily  as  if  he  had  been 
carrying  a  bag  of  feathers. 

When  he  got  back  to  the  farm  he  showed  his  new  walking- 
stick,  as  he  called  the  tree,  to  his  master. 

"  Wife,"  said  the  farmer,  "  we  have  indeed  found  a  capital 
bailiff,  and  if  he  does  need  more  sleep  than  the  others,  he 
works  much  better." 

[133] 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

So  the  months  rolled  by,  until  a  whole  year  had  come  and 
gone,  and  the  time  had  arrived  to  pay  the  servants  their 
wages.  But  the  farmer  was  overcome  with  fright  when  he 
remembered  the  blows  the  giant  had  to  give  him.  So  he 
begged  him  to  change  his  mind  and  accept  his  whole  farm  and 
lands  instead. 

"  No,"  said  the  giant,  "  I  am  a  bailiff,  and  a  bailiff  I  intend 
to  remain,  so  you  must  pay  me  the  wages  we  agreed  upon." 

The  farmer  now  obtained  a  promise  that  he  would  give  him 
a  fortnight  to  think  the  matter  over,  and  he  secretly  assembled 
all  his  friends  and  neighbors  to  discuss  what  he  should  do. 

The  only  thing  they  could  suggest  was  to  slay  the  bailiff, 
and  it  was  arranged  that  he  should  be  told  to  bring  a  cartload 
of  millstones  to  the  edge  of  the  well,  and  then  the  farmer  was 
to  send  him  down  to  the  bottom  to  clean  it  out.  When  the 
giant  was  safely  at  the  bottom,  all  the  friends  and  neighbors 
would  come  and  roll  the  millstones  down  upon  him. 

Everything  happened  as  had  been  planned,  and  when  the 
bailiff  was  at  the  bottom  of  the  well  the  millstones  were  rolled 
in.  As  each  one  fell,  the  water  splashed  over  the  top  in  a 
great  wave. 

It  seemed  impossible  that  the  bailiff  should  not  be  crushed 
to  death,  but  suddenly  the  neighbors  heard  him  call  out: 

"  I  say,  you  up  there,  shoo  away  the  chickens ;  they  are 
scattering  the  gravel  in  my  eyes ! " 

Then  he  quickly  finished  his  task,  and  presently  jumped  out 
of  the  well  with  one  of  the  millstones  hanging  round  his  neck. 

"  Have  not  I  got  a  handsome  collar?  "  he  said. 

Again  the  farmer  was  overcome  with  fear,  and  again  he 
called  together  all  his  friends  and  relations.  The  only  thing 
they  could  think  of  was  to  advise  the  farmer  to  send  the  bailiff 
to  the  haunted  mill  by  night,  and  order  him  to  grind  eight 
bushels  of  corn.  "  For,"  said  they,  "  no  man  who  has  spent 
a  night  there  has  ever  come  out  alive." 

So  the  bailiff  went  and  fetched  the  corn  from  the  loft.  He 
put  two  bushels  in  his  right-hand  pocket,  and  two  in  his  left, 
and  the  rest  he  carried  in  a  sack  across  his  shoulders. 

1 134 1 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

When  he  reached  the  mill  the  miller  told  him  it  was 
haunted,  and  he  had  best  come  to  grind  his  corn  in  the  day- 
time if  he  did  not  wish  to  lose  his  life. 

"  Tush,  tush !  "  said  the  giant.  "  Make  haste  and  leave  me 
alone.  Come  back  in  the  morning,  and  I  promise  you  will  find 
me  all  safe  and  sound." 

Then  he  entered  the  mill  and  emptied  his  sacks  into  the 
hopper,  and  by  twelve  o'clock  he  had  finished  his  work.  Feel- 
ing a  little  weary,  he  sat  down  to  rest,  but  noticed  with  great 
interest  the  door  opening  very  slowly,  all  by  itself. 

Then  a  table  laden  with  rich  food  and  wines  came  and  set 
itself  before  him.  Still  there  was  no  living  creature  to  be 
seen.  Next  the  chairs  came  and  placed  themselves  round  the 
festive  board,  and  then  he  noticed  fingers  handling  the  knives 
and  forks  and  placing  food  upon  the  plates. 

The  giant  soon  got  tired  of  watching  this,  and  as  he  felt 
quite  ready  for  a  meal  himself,  he  drew  up  his  chair  to  the 
table  and  partook  of  a  hearty  repast. 

Just  as  he  finished  he  felt  a  breath  of  air  blow  out  all  the 
lights,  and  then  a  thundering  blow  fell  upon  his  head. 

"  Well,  I'm  not  going  to  put  up  with  this,"  he  said.  "  If 
I  feel  any  more  taps  like  that  one  I  will  just  tap  back." 

Then  a  great  battle  raged,  and  blows  fell  thickly  all  around, 
but  he  never  let  himself  feel  any  fear,  but  only  gave  back  as 
many  as  he  could. 

When  morning  came  the  miller  hastened  to  the  mill  expect- 
ing to  find  the  giant  dead,  but  he  was  greeted  with  a  hearty 
laugh. 

"  Well,  miller,"  said  the  giant,  "  somebody  has  been  slap- 
ping me  in  the  night,  but  I  guess  they  have  had  as  good  blows 
as  they  have  given,  and  I  have  managed  to  eat  a  hearty  sup- 
per into  the  bargain." 

The  miller  was  overjoyed  to  find  the  evil  spell  had  been 
broken,  and  begged  the  giant  to  accept  some  money  as  reward, 
but  this  he  refused.  Slinging  the  meal  on  his  shoulders,  he 
went  back  to  ask  his  wages  from  the  farmer. 

The  farmer  was  furious  to  see  his  bailiff  safe  and  sound 

[135] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

again,  and  paced  his  floor  to  and  fro,  shivering  and  shaking 
like  a  leaf.  He  felt  he  could  not  breathe,  so  he  threw  the 
window  open,  and  before  he  knew  what  had  happened  the 
giant  had  sent  him  flying  out  of  the  window  straight  over  the 
hills  into  Nowhere  Land.  And  as  the  farmer  had  not  waited 
to  receive  the  second  stroke,  the  giant  gave  it  to  his  wife,  and 
she  flew  out  to  join  her  husband,  and  for  aught  I  know  they 
are  flying  through  the  air  still. 


[136 


The  Sweet  Soup 


on  a  time  there  was  a  poor  but  very  good  little 
wno  lived  alone  with  her  mother,  and  when  my 
story  begins,  they  had  nothing  in  the  house  to  eat.  So 
the  child  went  out  into  the  forest,  and  there  she  met  an  old 
woman,  who  already  knew  her  distress,  and  who  presented 
her  with  a  pot  which  had  the  following  power.  If  one  said  to 
it,  "  Boil,  little  pot !  "  it  would  cook  sweet  soup ;  and  when 
one  said :  "  Stop,  little  pot ! "  it  would  immediately  cease  to 
boil.  The  little  girl  took  the  pot  home  to  her  mother,  and  now 
their  poverty  and  distresses  were  at  an  end,  for  they  could 
have  sweet  broth  as  often  as  they  pleased. 

One  day,  however,  the  little  girl  went  out,  and  in  her  absence 
the  mother  said :  "  Boil,  little  pot !  "  So  it  began  to  cook,  and 
she  soon  ate  all  she  wished ;  but  when  the  poor  woman  wanted 
to  have  the  pot  stop,  she  found  she  did  not  know  the  word. 
Away,  therefore,  the  pot  boiled,  and  very  quickly  was  over 
the  edge;  and  as  it  boiled  and  boiled  the  kitchen  presently 
became  full,  then  the  house,  and  the  next  house,  and  soon  the 
whole  street.  It  seemed  likely  to  satisfy  all  the  world,  for, 
though  there  was  the  greatest  necessity  to  do  so,  nobody  knew 
how  to  stop  it.  At  last,  when  only  a  very  small  cottage  of  all 
the  village  was  left  unfilled  with  soup,  the  child  returned  and 
said  at  once :  "  Stop,  little  pot !  " 

Immediately  it  ceased  to  boil;  but  whoever  wishes  to  enter 
the  village  now  must  eat  his  way  through  the  soup !  !  ! 


.[137] 


Seven  at  one  Blow 


jj  TAILOR  sat  in  his  workroom  one  morning,  stitch- 

y4f  ing  away  busily  at  a  coat  for  the  Lord  Mayor.  He 
JL  JL  whistled  and  sang  so  gaily  that  all  the  little  boys  who 
passed  the  shop  on  their  way  to  school  thought  what  a  fine 
thing  it  was  to  be  a  tailor,  and  told  one  another  that  when 
they  grew  to  be  men  they'd  be  tailors,  too. 

"  How  hungry  I  feel,  to  be  sure !  "  cried  the  little  man,  at 
last ;  "  but  I'm  far  too  busy  to  trouble  about  eating.  I  must 
finish  his  lordship's  coat  before  I  touch  a  morsel  of  food,"  and 
he  broke  once  more  into  a  merry  song. 

"  Fine  new  jam  for  sale,"  sang  out  an  old  woman,  as  she 
walked  along  the  street. 

"  Jam !  I  can't  resist  such  a  treat,"  said  the  tailor ;  and,  run- 
ning to  the  door,  he  shouted :  "  This  way  for  jam,  dame ;  show 
me  a  pot  of  your  very  finest." 

The  woman  handed  him  jar  after  jar,  but  he  found  fault 
with  all.  At  last  he  hit  upon  some  to  his  liking. 

"  And  how  many  pounds  will  you  take,  sir  ?  " 

"  I'll  take  four  ounces,"  he  replied,  in  a  solemn  tone,  "  and 
mind  you  give  me  good  weight." 

The  old  woman  was  very  angry,  for  she  had  expected  to 
sell  several  pounds,  at  least ;  and  she  went  off  grumbling,  after 
she  had  weighed  out  the  four  ounces. 

"  Now  for  a  feed !  "  cried  the  little  man,  taking  a  loaf  from 
the  cupboard  as  he  spoke.  He  cut  off  a  huge  slice,  and  spread 
the  jam  on  quite  half  an  inch  thick ;  then  he  suddenly  remem- 
bered his  work. 

"  It  will  never  do  to  get  jam  on  the  Lord  Mayor's  coat, 
so  I'll  finish  it  off  before  I  take  even  one  bite,"  said  he.  So 
he  picked  up  his  work  once  more,  and  his  needle  flew  in  and 
out  like  lightning. 

[138] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

I  am  afraid  the  Lord  Mayor  had  some  stitches  in  his  gar- 
ment that  were  quite  a  quarter  of  an  inch  long. 

The  tailor  glanced  longingly  at  his  slice  of  bread  and 
jam  once  or  twice,  but  when  he  looked  the  third  time  it 
was  quite  covered  with  flies,  and  a  fine  feast  they  were  hav- 
ing off  it. 

This  was  too  much  for  the  little  fellow.  Up  he  jumped, 
crying: 

"  So  you  think  I  provide  bread  and  jam  for  you,  indeed ! 
Well,  we'll  very  soon  see!  Take  that!"  and  he  struck  the 
flies  such  a  heavy  blow  with  a  duster  that  no  fewer  than  seven 
lay  dead  upon  the  table,  while  the  others  flew  up  to  the  ceil- 
ing in  great  haste. 

"  Seven  at  one  blow !  "  said  the  little  man  with  great  pride. 
"  Such  a  brave  deed  ought  to  be  known  all  over  the  town, 
and  it  won't  be  my  fault  if  folks  fail  to  hear  of  it." 

So  he  cut  out  a  wide  belt,  and  stitched  on  it  in  big  golden 
letters  the  words  "  Seven  at  one  blow."  When  this  was  done 
he  fastened  it  round  him,  crying: 

"  I'm  cut  out  for  something  better  than  a  tailor,  it's  quite 
clear.  I'm  one  of  the  world's  great  heroes,  and  I'll  be  off  at 
once  to  seek  my  fortune." 

He  glanced  round  the  cottage,  but  there  was  nothing  of 
value  to  take  with  him.  The  only  thing  he  possessed  in  the 
world  was  a  small  cheese. 

"  You  may  as  well  come,  too,"  said  he,  stowing  away  the 
cheese  in  his  pocket,  "  and  now  I'm  off." 

When  he  got  into  the  street  the  neighbors  all  crowded  round 
him  to  read  the  words  on  his  belt. 

"  Seven  at  one  blow !  "  said  they  to  one  another.  "  What  a 
blessing  he's  going;  for  it  wouldn't  be  safe  to  have  a  man 
about  us  who  could  kill  seven  of  us  at  one  stroke." 

You  see,  they  didn't  know  that  the  tailor  had  only  killed 
flies ;  they  took  it  to  mean  men. 

He  jogged  along  for  some  miles  until  he  came  to  a  hedge, 
where  a  little  bird  was  caught  in  the  branches. 

"  Come  along,"  said  the  tailor ;  "  I'll  have  you  to  keep  my 

[139] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

cheese  company  " ;  so  he  caught  the  bird  and  put  it  carefully 
into  his  pocket  with  the  cheese. 

Soon  he  reached  a  lofty  mountain,  and  he  made  up  his  mind 
to  climb  it  and  see  what  was  going  on  at  the  other  side.  When 
he  reached  the  top,  there  stood  a  huge  giant,  gazing  down  into 
the  valley  below. 

"  Good  day,"  said  the  tailor. 

The  giant  turned  round,  and  seeing  nobody  but  the  little 
tailor  there,  he  cried  with  scorn: 

"  And  what  might  you  be  doing  here,  might  I  ask?  You'd 
best  be  off  at  once." 

"  Not  so  fast,  my  friend/'  said  the  little  man ;  "  read  this." 

"  Seven  at  one  blow,"  read  the  giant,  and  he  began  to  wish 
he'd  been  more  civil. 

"  Well,  I'm  sure  nobody  would  think  it  to  look  at  you," 
he  replied ;  "  but  since  you  are  so  clever,  do  this,"  and  he 
picked  up  a  stone  and  squeezed  it  until  water  ran  out. 

"  Do  that !  Why,  it's  mere  child's  play  to  me,"  and  the  man 
took  out  his  cheese  and  squeezed  it  until  the  whey  ran  from 
it.  "  Now  who  is  cleverer  ?  "  asked  the  tailor.  "  You  see, 
I  can  squeeze  milk  out,  while  you  only  get  water." 

The  giant  was  too  surprised  to  utter  a  word  for  a  few 
minutes;  then,  taking  up  another  stone,  he  threw  it  so  high 
into  the  air  that  for  a  moment  they  couldn't  see  where  it  went ; 
then  down  it  fell  to  the  ground  again. 

"  Good !  "  said  the  tailor ;  "  but  I'll  throw  a  stone  that  won't 
come  back  again  at  all." 

Taking  the  little  bird  from  his  pocket,  he  threw  it  into  the  air, 
and  the  bird,  glad  to  get  away,  flew  right  off  and  never  returned. 

This  sort  of  thing  didn't  suit  the  giant  at  all,  for  he  wasn't 
used  to  being  beaten  by  any  one. 

"  Here's  something  that  you'll  never  manage,"  said  he  to 
the  little  man.  "  Just  come  and  help  me  to  carry  this  fallen 
oak-tree  for  a  few  miles." 

"  Delighted !  "  said  the  tailor,  "  and  I'll  take  the  end  with 
the  branches,  for  it's  sure  to  be  heavier." 

"  Agreed,"  replied  the  giant,  and  he  lifted  the  heavy  trunk 

[140] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

on  to  his  shoulder,  while  the  tailor  climbed  up  among  the 
branches  at  the  other  end,  and  sang  with  all  his  might,  as 
though  carrying  a  tree  was  nothing  to  him. 

The  poor  giant,  who  was  holding  the  tree-trunk  and  the  lit- 
tle tailor  as  well,  soon  grew  tired. 

"I'm  going  to  let  it  fall!"  he  shouted,  and  the  tailor 
jumped  down  from  the  branches,  and  pretended  he  had  been 
helping  all  the  time. 

"  The  idea  of  a  man  your  size  finding  a  tree  too  heavy  to 
carry !  "  laughed  the  little  tailor. 

"  You  are  a  clever  little  fellow,  and  no  mistake,"  replied 
the  giant,  "  and  if  you'll  only  come  and  spend  the  night  in 
our  cave,  we  shall  be  delighted  to  have  you." 

"  I  shall  have  great  pleasure  in  coming,  my  friend,"  an- 
swered the  little  tailor,  and  together  they  set  off  for  the  giant's 
home. 

There  were  seven  more  giants  in  the  cave,  and  each  one  of 
them  was  eating  a  roasted  pig  for  his  supper.  They  gave 
the  little  man  some  food,  and  then  showed  him  a  bed  in  which 
he  might  pass  the  night.  It  was  so  big  that,  after  tossing 
about  for  half  an  hour  in  it,  the  tailor  thought  he  would  be 
more  comfortable  if  he  slept  in  the  corner,  so  he  crept  out 
without  being  noticed. 

In  the  middle  of  the  night  the  giant  stole  out  of  bed  and 
went  up  to  the  one  where  he  thought  the  little  man  was  fast 
asleep.  Taking  a  big  bar  of  iron,  he  struck  such  a  heavy  blow 
at  it  that  he  woke  up  all  the  other  giants. 

"  Keep  quiet,  friends,"  said  he.  "  I've  just  killed  the  little 
scamp." 

The  tailor  made  his  escape  as  soon  as  possible,  and  he  jour- 
neyed on  for  many  miles,  until  he  began  to  feel  very  tired, 
so  he  lay  down  under  a  tree,  and  was  soon  fast  asleep.  When 
he  awoke,  he  found  a  big  crowd  of  people  standing  round  him. 
Up  walked  one  very  wise-looking  old  man,  who  was  really  the 
king's  prime  minister. 

"  Is  it  true  that  you  have  killed  seven  at  one  blow  ?  "  he 
asked. 

t  HI  i 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  It  is  a  fact,"  answered  the  little  tailor. 

"  Then  come  with  me  to  the  king,  my  friend,  for  he's  been 
searching  for  a  brave  man  like  you  for  some  time  past.  You 
are  to  be  made  captain  of  his  army,  and  the  king  will  give 
you  a  fine  house  to  live  in." 

"  That  I  will/'  replied  the  little  man.  "  It  is  just  the  sort  of 
thing  that  will  suit  me,  and  I'll  come  at  once." 

He  hadn't  been  in  the  king's  service  long  before  every  one 
grew  jealous  of  him.  The  soldiers  were  afraid  that,  if  they 
offended  him,  he  would  make  short  work  of  them  all,  while 
the  members  of  the  king's  household  didn't  fancy  the  idea  of 
making  such  a  fuss  over  a  stranger. 

So  the  soldiers  went  in  a  body  to  the  king  and  asked  that 
another  captain  should  be  put  over  them,  for  they  were  afraid 
of  this  one. 

The  king  didn't  like  to  refuse,  for  fear  they  should  all  de- 
sert, and  yet  he  didn't  dare  get  rid  of  the  captain,  in  case 
such  a  strong  and  brave  man  should  try  to  have  his  revenge. 

At  last  the  king  hit  upon  a  plan.  In  some  woods  close  by 
there  lived  two  giants,  who  were  the  terror  of  the  country  side ; 
they  robbed  all  the  travelers,  and  if  any  resistance  was  of- 
fered they  killed  the  men  on  the  spot. 

Sending  for  the  little  tailor,  he  said : 

"  Knowing  you  to  be  the  bravest  man  in  my  kingdom,  I 
want  to  ask  a  favor  of  you.  If  you  will  kill  these  two  giants, 
and  bring  me  back  proof  that  they  are  dead,  you  shall  marry 
the  princess,  my  daughter,  and  have  half  my  kingdom.  You 
shall  also  take  one  hundred  men  to  help  you,  and  you  are  to 
set  off  at  once." 

"  A  hundred  men,  your  majesty !  Pray,  what  do  I  want 
with  a  hundred  men?  If  I  can  kill  seven  at  one  blow,  I 
needn't  be  afraid  of  two.  I'll  kill  them  fast  enough,  never 
fear." 

The  tailor  chose  ten  strong  men,  and  told  them  to  await 
him  on  the  border  of  the  wood,  while  he  went  on  quite  alone. 
He  could  hear  the  giants  snoring  for  quite  half  an  hour  before 
he  reached  them,  so  he  knew  in  which  direction  to  go. 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

He  found  the  pair  fast  asleep  under  a  tree,  so  he  filled  his 
pockets  with  stones  and  climbed  up  into  the  branches  over 
their  heads.  Then  he  began  to  pelt  one  of  the  giants  with 
the  missiles,  until  after  a  few  minutes  one  of  the  men  awoke. 
Giving  the  other  a  rough  push,  he  cried: 

"If  you  strike  me  like  that  again,  I'll  know  the  reason 
why."  ' 

"  I  didn't  touch  you,"  said  the  other  giant  crossly,  and  they 
were  soon  fast  asleep  once  more. 

Then  the  tailor  threw  stones  at  the  other  man,  and  soon  he 
awoke  as  the  first  had  done. 

"  What  did  you  throw  that  at  me  for?  "  said  he. 

"  You  are  dreaming,"  answered  the  other,  "  I  didn't  throw 
anything." 

No  sooner  were  they  fast  asleep  again,  than  the  little  man 
began  to  pelt  them  afresh. 

Up  they  both  sprang,  and  seizing  each  other,  they  began 
to  fight  in  real  earnest.  Not  content  with  using  their  fists, 
they  tore  up  huge  trees  by  the  roots,  and  beat  each  other  until 
very  soon  the  pair  lay  dead  on  the  ground. 

Down  climbed  the  little  tailor,  and  taking  his  sword  in  his 
hand  he  plunged  it  into  each  giant,  and  then  went  back  to  the 
edge  of  the  forest  where  the  ten  men  were  waiting  for  him. 

"  They  are  as  dead  as  two  door  nails,"  shouted  the  little 
man.  "  I  don't  say  that  I  had  an  easy  task,  for  they  tore  up 
trees  by  their  roots  to  try  to  protect  themselves  with,  but,  of 
course,  it  was  no  good.  What  were  two  giants  to  a  man 
who  has  slain  seven  at  one  blow  ?  " 

But  the  men  wouldn't  believe  it  until  they  went  into  the 
forest  and  saw  the  two  dead  bodies,  lying  each  in  a  pool  of 
blood,  while  the  ground  was  covered  with  uprooted  trees. 

Back  they  went  to  the  king,  but  instead  of  handing  over  half 
his  kingdom,  as  he  had  promised,  his  majesty  told  the  little 
tailor  that  there  was  still  another  brave  deed  for  him  to  do 
before  he  got  the  princess  for  his  bride. 

"  Just  name  it,  then ;  I'm  more  than  ready,"  was  the  man's 
reply. 

[1431 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  You  are  to  kill  the  famous  unicorn  that  is  running  wild 
in  the  forest  and  doing  so  much  damage.  When  this  is  done 
you  shall  have  your  reward  at  once." 

"  No  trouble  at  all,  your  majesty.  I'll  get  rid  of  him  in  a 
twinkling." 

He  made  the  ten  men  wait  for  him  at  the  entrance  to  the 
wood,  as  they  had  done  the  first  time,  and  taking  a  stout  rope 
and  a  saw  he  entered  the  forest  alone. 

Up  came  the  unicorn,  but  just  as  it  was  about  to  rush  at  the 
man  he  darted  behind  a  big  tree. 

The  unicorn  dashed  with  such  force  against  the  tree  that 
its  horn  was  caught  quite  fast  and  it  was  kept  a  prisoner. 

Taking  his  rope,  he  tied  it  tightly  round  the  animal,  and, 
after  sawing  off  the  horn,  back  he  went  to  the  palace,  leading 
the  unicorn  by  his  side. 

But  even  then  the  king  was  not  satisfied,  and  he  made  the 
little  tailor  catch  a  wild  boar  that  had  been  seen  wandering  in 
the  woods. 

He  took  a  party  of  huntsmen  with  him,  but  again  he  made 
them  wait  on  the  outskirts  of  the  forest  while  he  went  on  by 
himself. 

The  wild  boar  made  a  dash  at  the  little  tailor,  but  the  man 
was  too  quick  for  it.  He  slipped  into  a  little  building  close 
by,  with  the  animal  at  his  heels.  Then,  catching  sight  of  a 
small  window,  he  forced  his  way  out  into  the  forest  again, 
and  while  the  boar,  who  was  too  big  and  clumsy  to  follow, 
stood  gazing  at  the  spot  where  he  had  disappeared,  the  tailor 
ran  round  and  closed  the  door,  keeping  the  animal  quite  se- 
cure inside.  Then  he  called  the  hunters,  who  shot  the  boar 
and  carried  the  body  back  to  the  palace. 

This  time  the  king  was  obliged  to  keep  his  promise ;  so  the 
little  tailor  became  a  prince,  and  a  grand  wedding  they  had, 
too. 

When  they  had  been  married  for  about  a  couple  of 
years,  the  princess  once  overheard  her  husband  talking  in 
his  sleep. 

"  Boy,  if  you  have  put  a  patch  on  that  waistcoat,  take  the 

[  144] 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

Lord  Mayor's  coat  home  at  once,  or  I'll  box  your  ears,"  he 
said. 

"  Oh,  dear,"  cried  the  princess,  "  to  think  that  I've  married 
a  common  tailor !  Whatever  can  I  do  to  get  rid  of  him  ?  " 

So  she  told  her  father  the  story,  and  the  king  said  she  need 
not  worry,  for  he  would  find  a  way  out  of  the  difficulty.  She 
was  to  leave  the  door  open  that  night,  and  while  the  tailor  was 
sleeping,  the  king's  servants  should  steal  into  the  room,  bind 
the  tailor,  and  take  him  away  to  be  killed. 

The  princess  promised  to  see  that  everything  was  in  readi- 
ness, and  she  tripped  about  all  day  with  a  very  light  heart. 

She  little  knew  that  one  of  the  tailor's  servants  had  over- 
heard their  cruel  plot,  and  carried  the  news  straight  to  his 
master. 

That  night,  when  the  princess  thought  her  husband  was 
sleeping  fast,  she  crept  to  the  door  and  opened  it. 

To  her  great  terror,  the  tailor  began  to  speak. 

"  Boy,  take  the  Lord  Mayor's  coat  home,  or  I'll  box  your 
ears.  Haven't  I  killed  seven  at  one  blow  ?  Haven't  I  slain  two 
giants,  a  unicorn,  and  a  wild  boar?  What  do  I  care  for  the 
men  who  are  standing  outside  my  door  at  this  moment  ?  " 

At  these  words  off  flew  the  men  as  though  they  had  been 
shot  from  a  gun,  and  no  more  attempts  were  ever  made  on 
his  life.  So  the  princess  had  to  make  the  best  of  a  bad  job. 

He  lived  on,  and  when  the  old  king  died  he  ascended  the 
throne  in  his  stead.  So  the  brave  little  tailor  became  ruler 
over  the  whole  kingdom;  and  his  motto  throughout  his  whole 
life  was,  "  Seven  at  one  blow." 


The  Cat  and  the    Mouse    in  Partnership 

CAT  having  made  the  acquaintance  of  a  mouse,  told 
her  so  much  of  the  great  love  and  affection  that  he 
had  for  her,  that  the  mouse  at  last  consented  to  live 
in  the  same  house  with  him,  and  to  have  their  domestic  affairs 
in  common.  "  But  we  must  provide  for  the  winter,"  said  the 
cat,  "  or  we  shall  be  starved ;  you,  little  mouse,  cannot  go  every- 
where looking  for  food,  or  you  will  meet  with  an  accident." 

This  advice  was  followed,  and  a  pot  was  brought  with  some 
grease  in  it.  However,  when  they  had  got  it,  they  could  not 
imagine  where  it  should  be  put ;  but  at  last,  after  a  long  con- 
sideration, the  cat  said :  "  I  know  no  better  place  to  put  it  than 
in  the  church,  for  there  no  one  dares  to  steal  anything;  we 
will  set  it  beneath  the  organ,  and  not  touch  it  till  we  really 
want  it." 

So  the  pot  was  put  away  in  safety ;  but  not  long  afterward 
the  cat  began  to  wish  for  it  again,  so  he  spoke  to  the  mouse 
and  said :  "  I  have  to  tell  you  that  I  am  asked  by  my  aunt  to 
stand  godfather  to  a  little  son,  white  with  brown  marks,  whom 
she  has  just  brought  into  the  world,  and  so  I  must  go  to  the 
christening.  Let  me  go  out  to-day,  and  do  you  stop  at  home 
and  keep  house." 

"  Certainly,"  answered  the  mouse ;  "  pray,  go ;  and  if  you 
eat  anything  nice,  think  of  me ;  I  would  also  willingly  drink 
a  little  of  the  sweet  red  christening-wine." 

But,  alas !  it  was  all  a  story ;  for  the  cat  had  no  aunt,  and 
had  not  been  asked  to  stand  godfather  to  any  one.  He  went 
straight  to  the  church,  crept  up  to  the  grease  pot,  and  licked 
it  till  he  had  eaten  off  the  top ;  then  he  took  a  walk  on  the 
roofs  of  the  houses  in  the  town,  thinking  over  his  situation, 
and  now  and  then  stretching  himself  in  the  sun  and  stroking 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

his  whiskers  as  often  as  he  thought  of  his  meal.  When  it  was 
evening  he  went  home  again,  and  the  mouse  said :  "  So  you 
have  come  at  last ;  what  a  charming  day  you  must  have  had !  " 

"  Yes,"  answered  the  cat ;  "  it  went  off  very  well !  " 

"  What  have  you  named  the  kitten  ?  "  asked  the  mouse. 

"  Top-off! "  said  the  cat  very  quickly. 

"  Top-off! "  replied  the  mouse ;  "  that  is  a  curious  and  re- 
markable name ;  is  it  common  in  your  family  ?  " 

"What  does  that  matter?"  said  the  cat;  "it  is  not  worse 
than  Crumb-stealer,  as  your  children  are  called." 

Not  long  afterward  the  cat  felt  the  same  longing  as  before, 
and  said  to  the  mouse :  "  You  must  oblige  me  by  taking  care 
of  the  house  once  more  by  yourself;  I  am  again  asked  to 
stand  godfather,  and,  since  the  youngster  has  a  white  ring 
round  his  neck,  I  cannot  get  off  the  invitation."  So  the  good 
little  mouse  consented,  and  the  cat  crept  away  behind  the  wall 
to  the  church  again,  and  ate  half  the  contents  of  the  grease- 
pot.  "  Nothing  tastes  better  than  what  one  eats  by  one's  self," 
said  he,  quite  contented  with  his  day's  work;  and  when  he 
came  home  the  mouse  asked  how  this  child  was  named. 

"  Half-out"  answered  the  cat. 

"  Half -out!  What  do  you  mean?  I  never  heard  such  a 
name  before  in  my  life ;  I  will  wager  anything  it  is  not  in  the 
calendar,"  but  the  cat  replied  nothing. 

Pussy's  mouth  soon  began  to  water  again  at  the  recollec- 
tion of  the  feasting.  "  All  good  things  come  in  threes,"  said 
he  to  the  mouse.  "  I  am  again  required  to  be  godfather ;  this 
child  is  quite  black,  and  has  little  white  claws,  but  not  a  single 
white  hair  on  his  body ;  such  a  thing  only  happens  once  in  two 
years,  so  pray  excuse  me  this  time." 

"Top-off!  Half -out!"  answered  the  mouse;  "those  are 
such  curious  names,  they  make  me  a  bit  suspicious." 

"  Ah !  "  replied  the  cat,  "  there  you  sit  in  your  gray  coat  and 
long  tail,  thinking  nonsense.  That  comes  of  never  going  out." 

The  mouse  busied  herself  during  the  cat's  absence  in  put- 
ting the  house  in  order,  but  meanwhile  greedy  puss  licked  the 
grease-pot  clean  out.  "  When  it  is  all  done  one  will  rest  in 

[147] 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

peace,"  thought  he  to  himself,  and  as  soon  as  night  came  he 
went  home  fat  and  tired.  The  mouse,  however,  again  asked 
what  name  the  third  child  had  received.  "  It  will  not  please 
you  any  better,"  answered  the  cat,  "  for  he  is  called  All-out" 

"  All-out! "  exclaimed  the  mouse ;  "  well,  that  is  certainly 
the  most  curious  name  by  far.  I  have  never  yet  seen  it  in 
print.  All-out  I  What  can  that  mean?"  and,  shaking  her 
head,  she  rolled  herself  up  and  went  to  sleep. 

After  that  nobody  else  asked  the  cat  to  stand  godfather; 
but  the  winter  had  arrived,  and  nothing  more  was  to  be  picked 
up  out  of  doors ;  so  the  mouse  bethought  herself  of  their  store 
of  provision,  and  said,  "  Come,  friend  cat,  we  will  go  to  our 
grease-pot  which  we  laid  by ;  it  will  taste  well  now." 

"  Yes,  indeed,"  replied  the  cat ;  "  it  will  taste  as  well  as  if 
you  stroked  your  tongue  against  the  window." 

So  they  set  out  on  their  journey,  and  when  they  arrived  at 
the  church  the  pot  stood  in  its  old  place — but  it  was  empty! 
"  Ah,"  said  the  mouse,  *'  I  see  what  has  happened ;  now  I 
know  you  are  indeed  a  faithful  friend.  You  have  eaten  the 
whole  as  you  stood  godfather;  first  Top-off,  then  Half-out, 
then " 

"  Will  you  be  quiet?  "  cried  the  cat.  "  Not  a  word,  or  I'll 
eat  you."  But  the  poor  mouse  had  "  All-out "  at  her  tongue's 
end,  and  had  scarcely  uttered  it  when  the  cat  made  a  spring, 
seized  her  in  his  mouth,  and  swallowed  her. 

This  happens  every  day  in  the  world. 


Old  Sultan 

CERTAIN  peasant  had  a  trusty  dog  called  Sultan, 
who  had  grown  quite  old  in  his  service,  and  had  lost 
all  his  teeth,  so  that  he  could  not  hold  anything  fast. 
One  day  the  peasant  stood  with  his  wife  at  the  house  door  and 
said :  "  This  morning  I  shall  shoot  old  Sultan,  for  he  is  no 
longer  of  any  use."  His  wife,  however,  compassionating  the 
poor  animal,  replied :  "  Well,  since  he  has  served  us  so  long 
and  so  faithfully,  I  think  we  may  very  well  afford  him  food 
for  the  rest  of  his  life."  "Eh,  what?"  replied  her  husband; 
"  you  are  not  very  clever ;  he  has  not  a  tooth  in  his  head,  and 
never  a  thief  is  afraid  of  him,  so  he  must  trot  off.  If  he  has 
served  us,  he  has  also  received  his  dinner  every  day." 

The  poor  dog,  lying  stretched  out  in  the  sun  not  far  from 
his  master,  heard  all  he  said,  and  was  much  troubled  at  learn- 
ing that  the  morrow  would  be  his  last  day.  He  had  one  good 
friend,  the  wolf  in  the  forest,  to  whom  he  slipped  at  evening, 
and  complained  of  the  sad  fate  which  awaited  him.  "  Be  of 
good  courage,  my  father,"  said  the  wolf ;  "  I  will  help  you 
out  of  your  trouble.  I  have  just  thought  of  something.  Early 
to-morrow  morning  your  master  goes  haymaking  with  his 
wife,  and  they  will  take  with  them  their  child,  because  no  one 
will  be  left  in  the  house,  and  while  they  are  at  work  they  will 
put  him  behind  the  hedge  in  the  shade,  and  set  you  by  to 
watch  him.  I  will  then  spring  out  of  the  wood  and  steal  away 
the  child,  and  you  must  run  after  me  hotly  as  if  you  were  pur- 
suing me.  I  will  let  it  fall,  and  you  shall  take  it  back  to  its 
parents,  who  will  then  believe  you  have  saved  it,  and  they  will 
be  too  thankful  to  do  you  any  injury ;  and  so  you  will  come 
into  great  favor,  and  they  will  never  let  you  want  again." 
This  plan  pleased  the  dog,  and  it  was  carried  out  exactly  as 

[149] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

proposed.  The  father  cried  out  when  he  saw  the  wolf  running 
off  with  the  child,  but  as  old  Sultan  brought  it  back  he  was 
highly  pleased,  and  stroked  him,  and  said :  "  Not  a  hair  of 
your  head  shall  be  touched ;  you  shall  eat  your  meals  in  com- 
fort to  the  end  of  your  days."  He  then  told  his  wife  to  go 
home  and  cook  old  Sultan  some  bread  and  broth,  which  would 
not  need  biting,  and  also  to  bring  the  pillow  out  of  his  bed, 
that  he  might  give  it  to  him  for  a  resting-place.  Henceforth 
old  Sultan  had  as  much  as  he  could  wish  for  himself ;  and 
soon  afterward  the  wolf  visited  him  and  congratulated  him  on 
his  prosperous  circumstances.  "  But,  my  father,"  said  he 
slyly,  "  you  will  close  your  eyes  if  I  by  accident  steal  away 
a  fat  sheep  from  your  master."  "  Reckon  not  on  that,"  re- 
plied the  dog ;  "  my  master  believes  me  faithful ;  I  dare  not 
give  you  what  you  ask."  The  wolf,  however,  thought  he  was 
not  in  earnest,  and  by  night  came  slinking  into  the  yard 
to  fetch  away  the  sheep.  But  the  peasant,  to  whom  the  dog 
had  communicated  the  design  of  the  wolf,  caught  him  and 
gave  him  a  sound  thrashing  with  the  flail.  The  wolf  was 
obliged  to  scamper  off,  but  he  cried  out  to  the  dog :  "  Wait 
a  bit,  you  rascal,  you  shall  pay  for  this !  " 

The  next  morning  the  wolf  sent  the  boar  to  challenge  the 
dog,  that  they  might  settle  their  affair  in  the  forest.  Old 
Sultan,  however,  could  find  no  other  second  than  a  cat,  who 
had  only  three  legs,  and,  as  they  went  out  together,  the  poor 
cat  limped  along,  holding  her  tail  high  in  the  air  from  pain. 
The  wolf  and  his  second  were  already  on  the  spot  selected, 
but  as  they  saw  their  opponent  coming  they  thought  he  was 
bringing  a  great  sabre  with  him,  because  they  saw  in  front  the 
erect  tail  of  the  cat;  and,  whenever  the  poor  animal  hopped 
on  its  three  legs,  they  thought  nothing  else  than  that  he 
was  going  to  take  up  a  great  stone  to  throw  at  them.  Both  of 
them,  thereupon,  became  very  nervous,  and  the  boar  crept  into 
a  heap  of  dead  leaves,  and  the  wolf  climbed  up  a  tree.  As 
soon  as  the  dog  and  cat  arrived  on  the  spot  they  wondered 
what  had  become  of  their  adversary.  The  wild  boar,  however, 
had  not  quite  concealed  himself,  for  the  tips  of  his  ears  were 

[150] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

sticking  out;  and,  while  the  cat  was  considering  them  atten- 
tively, the  boar  twitched  one  of  them,  and  the  cat  took  it  for  a 
mouse,  and,  making  a  spring,  gave  it  a  good  bite.  At  this  the 
boar  shook  himself  with  a  great  cry,  and  ran  away,  calling  out, 
"  There  sits  the  guilty  one,  up  in  the  tree !  "  The  dog  and  the 
cat  looked  up  and  saw  the  wolf,  who  was  ashamed  at  himself 
for  being  so  fearful,  and,  begging  the  dog's  pardon,  entered 
into  treaty  with  him. 


[151] 


The  Nail 

TRADESMAN  had  once  transacted  a  good  day's 
business  at  a  fair,  disposed  of  all  his  goods,  and 
filled  his  purse  with  gold  and  silver.  He  prepared 
afterward  to  return,  in  order  to  reach  home  by  the  evening, 
so  he  strapped  his  portmanteau,  with  the  money  in  it,  upon 
his  horse's  back,  and  rode  off.  At  noon  he  baited  in  a  small 
town,  and  as  he  was  about  to  set  out  again,  the  stable-boy 
who  brought  his  horse  said  to  him :  "  Sir,  a  nail  is  wanting  in 
the  shoe  on  the  left  hind  foot  of  your  animal." 

"  Let  it  be  wanting,"  replied  the  tradesman ;  "  I  am  in  a 
hurry  and  the  iron  will  doubtless  hold  the  six  hours  I  have  yet 
to  travel." 

Late  in  the  afternoon  he  had  to  dismount  again,  and  feed 
his  horse,  and  at  this  place  also  the  boy  came  and  told  him 
that  a  nail  was  wanting  in  one  of  the  shoes,  and  asked  him 
whether  he  should  take  the  horse  to  a  farrier.  "  No,  no,  let 
it  be ! "  replied  the  master ;  "  it  will  last  out  the  couple  of 
hours  that  I  have  now  to  travel ;  I  am  in  haste."  So  saying 
he  rode  off ;  but  his  horse  soon  began  to  limp,  and  from  limp- 
ing it  came  to  stumbling,  and  presently  the  beast  fell  down 
and  broke  its  leg.  Thereupon  the  tradesman  had  to  leave  his 
unfortunate  horse  lying  on  the  road,  to  unbuckle  the  portman- 
teau, and  to  walk  home  with  it  upon  his  shoulder,  where  he 
arrived  at  last  late  at  night. 

"  And  all  this  misfortune,"  said  he  to  himself,  "  is  owing  to 
the  want  of  a  nail.  More  haste,  the  less  speed ! " 


The  Fox  and  the  Horse 

rHERE  was  once  a  farmer  who  had  a  horse  which 
served  him  faithfully  till  he  was  too  old  to  work  any 
longer,  and  then  his  master  would  not  give  him  any- 
thing to  eat,  but  said :  "  I  cannot  really  find  any  use  for  you 
now,  but  still  I  mean  you  well,  and  so,  if  you  will  show  your- 
self strong  enough  to  bring  home  a  lion,  I  will  requite  you; 
but  now  you  must  make  yourself  scarce  in  this  stable ! "  So 
saying,  the  farmer  drove  the  poor  horse  out;  and  he  went 
with  drooping  head  toward  the  forest  to  shelter  himself  there 
from  the  weather.  In  among  the  trees  he  met  a  fox,  who 
asked  him  why  he  looked  so  careworn  and  walked  so  down- 
cast. 

"  Alas ! "  said  the  horse,  "  avarice  and  fidelity  dwell  not  in 
the  same  house  together;  my  master  has  forgotten  all  the 
services  which  I  have  rendered  him  for  so  many  years,  and, 
because  I  am  unable  now  to  work  any  longer,  he  will  not  give 
me  any  fodder,  but  has  driven  me  out  of  the  stable." 

"  Without  any  hope  ?  "  inquired  the  fox. 

"  The  hope  is  slight  enough,"  replied  the  horse ;  "  he  said 
that  if  I  could  manage  to  bring  him  back  a  lion  he  would  re- 
ceive me ;  but  he  knows  well  I  cannot  do  that." 

"  Then  I  will  help  you,"  replied  the  fox ;  "  now  lie  down 
and  stretch  yourself  out,  and  do  not  stir,  so  that  you  may 
appear  dead." 

The  horse,  accordingly,  did  as  he  was  bid,  and  the  fox  went 
to  the  lion,  whose  den  was  not  very  far  off,  and  said  to  him, 
"  Near  here  lies  a  dead  horse ;  come  with  me  and  you  may 
make  a  capital  meal."  The  lion  accompanied  the  fox,  and 
when  they  came  to  the  horse  the  fox  said :  "  Hist !  listen  to 
what  I  am  about  to  say ;  you  can  have  this  beast  at  your  con- 

1 153 1 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

venience ;  I  will  bind  it  to  you  by  the  tail,  and  you  shall  then 
drag  it  away  to  your  den,  and  devour  it  at  your  leisure." 
This  advice  pleased  the  lion,  and,  in  order  that  the  fox  might 
knot  the  horse's  tail  fast  to  him,  he  stood  with  his  back  to- 
ward it,  quite  still.  The  fox,  however,  cunningly  tied  the 
lion's  legs  together  with  the  hairs  of  the  horse's  tail,  and 
pulled  and  knotted  all  so  carefully  that  no  strength  could  have 
divided  it.  As  soon  as  his  work  was  finished  the  fox  tapped 
the  horse  on  the  shoulder,  and  cried,  "  Drag,  my  friend, 
drag !  "  The  horse  jumped  up  at  once  and  drew  the  lion 
away  with  him.  The  beast  soon  began  to  roar,  so  that  all  the 
birds  in  the  forest  flew  away  in  terror,  but  the  horse  let  him 
roar  while  he  quietly  dragged  him  to  his  master's  door.  Now, 
when  the  farmer  saw  this  proof  of  the  fidelity  of  his  horse, 
he  thought  better  of  his  former  resolution,  and  said  to  the 
faithful  animal:  "You  shall  remain  with  me  now,  and  live 
at  your  ease."  And  so  the  good  horse  had  good  meals  and 
good  treatment  till  he  died. 


The   Giant  and  the   Tailor 

CERTAIN  tailor,  who  was  a  large  boaster  but  a  very 
small  performer,  took  it  once  into  his  head  to  go 
and  look  about  him  in  the  world.  As  soon  as  he 
could,  he  left  his  workshop,  and  traveled  away  over  hills  and 
valleys,  now  on  this  road,  and  now  on  that;  but  still  onward. 
After  he  had  gone  some  way,  he  perceived  in  the  distance  a 
steep  mountain,  and  behind  it  a  lofty  tower,  which  rose  from 
the  midst  of  a  wild,  dense  forest.  "  Good  gracious ! "  cried 
the  tailor,  "what  is  this?"  and  driven  by  his  curiosity,  he 
went  rapidly  toward  the  place.  But  he  opened  his  mouth  and 
eyes  wide  enough  when  he  got  nearer ;  for  the  tower  had  legs, 
and  sprang  in  a  trice  over  the  steep  hill,  and  stood  up,  a  mighty 
giant,  before  the  tailor.  "  What  are  you  about  here,  you  puny 
fly-legs  ?  "  asked  the  giant  in  a  voice  which  rumbled  on  all 
sides  like  thunder. 

"  I  am  trying  to  earn  a  piece  of  bread  in  this  forest,"  whis- 
pered the  tailor. 

"  Well,  then,  it  is  time  you  entered  my  service,"  said  the 
giant  fiercely. 

"If  it  must  be  so,  why  not?  "  said  the  tailor  humbly;  "  but 
what  wage  shall  I  have  ?  "  "  What  wage  shall  you  have  ?  " 
repeated  the  giant  contemptuously ;  "  listen  and  I  will  tell  you : 
every  year,  three  hundred  and  sixty-five  days,  and  one  besides, 
if  it  be  leap-year.  Is  that  right  ?  " 

"  Quite,"  said  the  tailor ;  but  thought  to  himself :  "  One  must 
cut  according  to  his  cloth;  I  will  seek  to  make  myself  free 
very  soon." 

"  Go,  little  rascal,  and  fetch  me  a  glass  of  water !  "  cried  the 
giant. 

"Why  not  the  whole  well,  and  its  spring,  too?"  said  the 
tailor,  but  fetched  as  he  was  bid.  "  What !  the  well  and  its 

[155] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

spring,  too  ? "  bellowed  the  giant,  who  was  rather  cowardly 
and  weak,  and  so  began  to  be  afraid,  thinking  to  himself: 
"  This  fellow  can  do  more  than  roast  apples ;  he  has  a  heap 
of  courage.  I  must  take  care,  or  he  will  be  too  much  of  a 
servant  for  me !  "  So,  when  the  tailor  returned  with  the 
water,  the  giant  sent  him  to  fetch  a  couple  of  bundles  of 
faggots  from  the  forest,  and  bring  them  home.  "  Why  not 
the  whole  forest  at  one  stroke,  every  tree,  young  and  old, 
knotty  and  smooth  ? "  asked  the  tailor,  and  went  away. 
"  What !  the  whole  forest,  and  the  well,  too,  and  its  spring ! " 
murmured  the  frightened  giant  in  his  beard ;  and  he  began  to 
be  still  more  afraid,  and  believed  that  the  tailor  was  too  great 
a  man  for  him,  and  not  fit  for  his  servant.  However,  when 
the  tailor  returned  with  his  load  of  faggots,  the  giant  told  him 
to  shoot  two  or  three  wild  boars  for  their  supper.  "  Why 
not  rather  a  thousand  at  one  shot,  and  the  rest  afterward  ?  " 
cried  the  boaster.  "  What,  what !  "  gasped  the  cowardly  giant, 
terribly  frightened.  "  Oh,  well !  that  is  enough  for  to-day ; 
you  may  go  to  sleep  now !  " 

The  poor  giant,  however,  was  so  very  much  afraid  of  the 
little  tailor  that  he  could  not  close  his  eyes  all  the  night,  but 
tossed  about  thinking  how  to  get  rid  of  his  servant,  whom 
he  regarded  as  an  enchanter  conspiring  against  his  life.  With 
time  comes  counsel.  The  following  morning  the  giant  and  the 
dwarf  went  together  to  a  marsh  where  a  great  many  willow- 
trees  were  growing.  When  they  got  there  the  giant  said: 
"  Seat  yourself  on  one  of  these  willow  rods,  tailor;  on  my  life 
I  only  wish  to  see  if  you  are  in  a  condition  to  bend  it  down." 

The  boasting  tailor  climbed  the  tree,  and  perched  himself 
on  a  bough,  and  then,  holding  his  breath,  he  made  himself 
heavy  enough  thereby,  to  bend  the  tree  down.  Soon,  however, 
he  had  to  take  breath  again,  and  immediately,  having  been 
unfortunate  enough  to  come  without  his  goose  in  his  pocket, 
the  bough  flew  up,  and  to  the  great  joy  of  the  giant,  carried 
the  tailor  with  it  so  high  into  the  air  that  he  went  out  of  sight. 
And  whether  he  has  since  fallen  down  again,  or  is  yet  flying 
about  in  the  air,  I  am  unable  to  tell  you  satisfactorily. 


The  Spider  and  the  Flea 

^  SPIDER  and  a  Flea  dwelt  together  in  one  house,  and 

>4f    brewed  their  beer  in  an  egg-shell.     One  day,  when 

-rfC  JL     the  Spider  was  stirring  it  up,  she  fell  in  and  scalded 

herself.    Thereupon  the  Flea  began  to  scream.    And  then  the 

door  asked :  "  Why  are  you  screaming,  Flea  ?  " 

"  Because  little  Spider  has  scalded  herself  in  the  beer-tub," 
replied  she. 

Thereupon  the  door  began  to  creak  as  if  it  were  in  pain; 
and  a  broom,  which  stood  in  the  corner,  asked,  "  What  are 
you  creaking  for,  door  ?  " 

"  May  I  not  creak?  "  it  replied: 

"The  little  Spider's  scalt  herself, 
And  the  Flea  weeps." 

So  the  broom  began  to  sweep  industriously,  and  presently 
a  little  cart  came  by,  and  asked  the  reason.  "  May  I  not 
sweep  ?  "  replied  the  broom : 

"The  little  Spider's  scalt  herself, 

And  the  Flea  weeps; 
The  little  door  creaks  with  the  pain," — 

Thereupon  the  little  cart  said :  "  So  will  I  run,"  and  began 
to  run  very  fast,  past  a  heap  of  ashes,  which  cried  out .'  "  Why 
do  you  run,  little  cart  ?  " 

"  Because,"  replied  the  cart : 

"The  little  Spider's  scalt  herself, 

And  the  Flea  weeps; 
The  little  door  creaks  with  the  pain, 
And  the  broom  sweeps." 

[157] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  Then,"  said  the  ashes,  "  I  will  burn  furiously."  Now, 
next  the  ashes  there  grew  a  tree,  which  asked :  "  Little  heap, 
why  do  you  burn  ?  " 

"  Because/*  was  the  reply : 

"The  little  Spider's  scalt  herself, 

And  the  Flea  weeps; 
The  little  door  creaks  with  the  pain, 

And  the  broom  sweeps; 
The  little  cart  runs  on  so  fast," — 

Thereupon  the  tree  cried,  "  I  will  shake  myself ! "  and  went 
on  shaking  till  all  its  leaves  fell  off. 

A  little  girl  passing  by  with  a  water-pitcher  saw  it  shaking, 
and  asked :  "  Why  do  you  shake  yourself,  little  tree  ?  " 

"  Why  may  I  not?  "  said  the  tree : 

"The  little  Spider's  scalt  herself, 

And  the  Flea  weeps; 
The  little  door  creaks  with  the  pain, 

And  the  broom  sweeps; 
The  little  cart  runs  on  so  fast, 

And  the  ashes  burn." 

Then  the  maiden  said :  "If  so,  I  will  break  my  pitcher  " ; 
and  she  threw  it  down  and  broke  it. 

At  this  the  streamlet,  from  which  she  drew  the  water, 
asked :  "  Why  do  you  break  your  pitcher,  my  little  girl  ?  " 

"Why  may  I  not?"  she  replied;  for 

"The  little  Spider's  scalt  herself, 

And  the  Flea  weeps; 
The  little  door  creaks  with  the  pain, 

And  the  broom  sweeps; 
The  little  cart  runs  on  so  fast, 

And  the  ashes  burn; 
The  little  tree  shakes  down  its  leaves — 

Now  it  is  my  turn!" 

[158] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  Ah,  then,"  said  the  streamlet,  "  now  must  I  begin  to  flow." 
And  it  flowed  and  flowed  along,  in  a  great  stream,  which  kept 
getting  bigger  and  bigger,  until  at  last  it  swallowed  up  the 
little  girl,  the  little  tree,  the  ashes,  the  cart,  the  broom,  the 
door,  the  Flea,  and,  last  of  all,  the  Spider,  all  together. 


[159 


The   Little  Shepherd  Boy 

upon  a  time  there  was  a  little  shepherd  boy  who 
was  famed  far  and  wide  for  the  wise  answers  which  he 
gave  to  all  questions.  Now  the  king  of  the  country 
heard  of  this  lad,  but  he  would  not  believe  what  was  said 
about  him,  so  the  boy  was  ordered  to  come  to  court.  When 
he  arrived  the  king  said  to  him :  "  If  you  can  give  me  answers 
to  each  of  the  three  questions  which  I  will  now  put  to  you,  I 
will  bring  you  up  as  my  own  child,  and  you  shall  live  here 
with  me  in  my  palace." 

"  What  are  these  three  questions  ?  "  asked  the  boy. 

"  The  first  is,  How  many  drops  of  water  are  there  in  the 
sea?" 

"  My  lord  king,"  replied  the  shepherd  boy,  "  let  all  the 
waters  be  stopped  up  on  the  earth,  so  that  not  one  drop  shall 
run  into  the  sea  before  I  count  it,  and  then  I  will  tell  you  how 
many  drops  there  are  in  the  sea !  " 

"  The  second  question,"  said  the  king,  "  is :  How  many  stars 
are  there  in  the  sky  ?  " 

"  Give  me  a  large  sheet  of  paper,"  said  the  boy ;  and  then 
he  made  in  it  with  a  pin  so  many  minute  holes  that  they  were 
far  too  numerous  to  see  or  to  count,  and  dazzled  the  eyes  of 
whomsoever  looked  at  them.  This  done,  he  said :  "  So  many 
stars  are  there  in  the  sky  as  there  are  holes  in  this  paper; 
now  count  them."  But  nobody  was  able.  Thereupon  the  king 
said :  "  The  third  question  is :  How  many  seconds  are  there  in 
eternity  ?  " 

"  In  Lower  Pomerania  is  situate  the  adamantine  mountain, 
one  mile  in  height,  one  mile  in  breadth,  and  one  mile  deep; 
and  thither  comes  a  bird  once  in  every  thousand  years  which 
rubs  its  beak  against  the  hill,  and,  when  the  whole  shall  be 

[160] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

rubbed  away,  then  will  the  first  second  of  eternity  be  gone 

by." 

"  You  have  answered  the  three  questions  like  a  sage,"  said 
the  king,  "  and  from  henceforward  you  shall  live  with  me  in 
my  palace,  and  I  will  treat  you  as  my  own  child." 


The  Seven   Swabians 

rHERE  were  once  seven  Swabians  in  company,  the 
first  of  whom  was  named  Schulz,  the  second  Jacky, 
the  third  Marli,  the  fourth  Jergli,  the  fifth  Michael, 
the  sixth  Hans,  and  the  seventh  Veitli;  and  they  all  were 
traveling  in  search  of  adventures,  and  for  the  performance  of 
mighty  deeds.  In  order  that  they  might  not  be  without  pro- 
tection, they  thought  fit  to  carry  along  with  them  a  very  long 
and  strong  pole.  Upon  this  they  all  seven  held,  and  in  front 
the  boldest  and  most  courageous  man,  who  was  Schulz, 
walked,  while  the  others  followed  behind,  and  Veitli  was  last. 

One  day  in  July,  after  they  had  traveled  some  distance, 
and  had  nearly  entered  the  village  where  they  intended  to  pass 
the  night,  it  happened  that  just  as  they  came  to  a  large 
meadow  a  hornet  or  dragon-fly  flew  out  from  behind  a  bush 
and  hummed  about  the  travelers  in  a  warlike  manner.  Schulz 
was  frightened  and  almost  let  go  the  pole,  and  the  perspira- 
tion stood  all  over  his  body  from  terror.  "  Listen,  listen !  " 
he  cried  to  his  companions ;  "  I  hear  a  trumpeting !  "  Jacky, 
who  was  last  but  one  in  the  row,  and  had  got  I  know  not  what 
into  his  nose,  exclaimed :  "  Something  certainly  is  at  hand,  for 
I  can  smell  brimstone  and  powder ! "  At  these  words  Schulz 
sprang  over  a  hedge,  in  a  trice,  in  his  haste  to  escape,  and, 
happening  to  alight  on  the  prongs  of  a  rake  which  was  left 
in  the  field  by  the  haymakers,  the  handle  sprang  up  and  gave 
him  an  awkward  blow  on  the  forehead.  "  Oh !  oh !  oh !  woe  is 
me !  "  cried  Schulz ;  "  take  me  prisoner,  I  give  myself  up,  I 
surrender !  "  The  six  others  thereupon  jumped  over  the  hedge 
too,  and  cried  likewise :  "  We  surrender  if  you  surrender !  we 
surrender  if  you  surrender !  " 

At  length,  when  they  found  no  enemy  came  to  bind  and 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

take  them  away,  they  saw  they  were  deceived,  and  in  order 
that  the  tale  might  not  be  told  of  them  among  the  villagers, 
and  they  get  laughed  at  and  mocked,  they  took  an  oath  among 
themselves  never  to  say  anything  about  it  unless  any  one  of 
them  should  open  his  mouth  unawares. 

After  this  adventure  they  went  farther,  but  the  second  dan- 
ger they  met  with  must  not  be  compared  with  the  first.  For 
after  several  days  had  elapsed  their  road  chanced  to  lead 
them  through  an  unplowed  field  where  a  hare  was  lying  prone 
in  the  sun,  with  his  ears  pricked  up  to  catch  every  sound,  and 
his  large,  glossy  eyes  wide  open.  The  seven  Swabians  were 
terribly  frightened  at  the  sight  of  this  frightful,  ferocious  ani- 
mal, and  they  took  counsel  together  what  would  be  the  least 
dangerous  plan  to  adopt,  for  if  they  fled  away  it  was  to 
be  feared  that  the  monster  would  pursue  them  and  cut  them 
to  pieces.  So  they  resolved  to  stand  and  have  a  great  battle ; 
for,  said  they,  "Bravely  dared  is  half  won!"  All  seven, 
therefore,  grasped  hold  of  their  spear,  Schulz  being  among 
the  foremost  and  Veitli  hindmost.  But  Schulz  wanted  to  have 
the  spear  himself,  whereupon  Veitli  flew  into  a  passion  and 
broke  away. 

Then  the  rest  advanced  together  upon  the  dragon,  but  first 
Schulz  crossed  himself  devoutly  and  invoked  the  assistance  of 
Heaven.  Then  he  marched  on,  but  as  he  approached  the  ene- 
my he  felt  very  fearful  and  cried  in  great  terror :  "  Han  I 
hurlehau !  han !  hauhel !  "  This  awoke  the  hare,  who  sprang 
away  quite  frightened,  and  when  Schulz  saw  it  flee,  he  jumped 
for  joy  and  shouted: 

"Zounds,  friends,  what  fools  we  are! 
The  frightful  beast  is  but  a  hare!" 

After  they  had  recovered  from  their  fright  the  seven  Swab- 
ians sought  new  adventures,  and  by  and  by  they  arrived  at  the 
River  Moselle,  a  smooth  and  deep  water,  over  which  there  are 
not  many  bridges ;  so  that  one  must  cross  in  boats  to  the  other 
side.  The  seven  Swabians,  however,  were  ignorant  of  this, 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

and  they  therefore  shouted  to  a  man  who  was  working  on 
the  other  side  of  the  river  and  asked  him  how  they  were  to  pass 
over.  But  the  man  did  not  understand  what  they  said  on  ac- 
count of  the  distance  and  his  ignorance  of  their  language, 
and  so  he  asked  in  his  dialect:  "Wat?  wat?"  With  this 
Schulz  imagined  the  man  said,  "Wade,  wade  through  the 
stream  " ;  and,  being  foremost  on  the  bank,  he  jumped  into 
the  river  and  began  to  walk  across.  Soon  he  got  out  of  his 
depth  and  sank  in  the  deep,  driving  current ;  but  his  hat  was 
carried  by  the  wind  to  the  opposite  shore.  As  it  reached  there 
a  frog  perched  himself  on  it,  and  croaked :  "  Wat !  wat !  wat !  " 
This  noise  the  six  other  Swabians,  who  then  reached  the  bank, 
heard,  and  they  said  to  one  another :  "  Listen !  does  not  Schulz 
call  us?  Well,  if  he  could  wade  across  we  can  also."  With 
these  words  each  one  jumped  into  the  river,  but  they  also  all 
sank;  and  so  it  happened  that  the  frog  caused  the  death  of 
six  Swabians,  for  nobody  has  heard  of  or  seen  them  ever 
since. 


The   Shreds 

upon  a  time  there  was  a  maiden  who  was  very 
Pretty,  but  lazy  and  careless.  When  she  used  to  spin, 
she  was  so  impatient  that,  if  there  chanced  to  be  a  little 
knot  in  the  thread,  she  snapped  off  a  long  bit  with  it  and 
threw  the  pieces  down  on  the  ground  near  her.  Now  she  had 
a  servant  girl,  who  was  industrious,  and  used  to  gather  to- 
gether the  shreds  of  thread,  clean  them,  and  weave  them,  till 
she  made  herself  a  dress  with  them. 

A  certain  young  man  had  fallen  in  love  with  this  lazy  maid- 
en ;  and  their  wedding-day  was  appointed.  On  the  evening  be- 
fore, the  industrious  servant  girl  kept  dancing  about  in  her 
fine  dress,  till  the  bride  exclaimed : 

"Ah!  how  the  girl  does  jump  about, 
Dressed  in  my  shreds  and  leavings!" 

When  the  bridegroom  heard  this,  he  asked  the  bride  what 
she  meant,  and  she  told  him  that  the  maid  had  worked  her- 
self a  dress  with  the  shreds  of  thread  which  she  had  thrown 
away.  As  soon  as  the  bridegroom  heard  this,  and  saw  the 
difference  between  the  laziness  of  his  intended  and  the  in- 
dustry of  her  servant,  he  gave  up  the  mistress  and  chose  the 
maid  for  his  wife. 


[165] 


The   Jf^olf  and  the   Seven   Kids 

rHERE  was  once  an  old  nanny-goat  who  had  seven 
kids,  and  she  was  just  as  fond  of  them  as  a  mother 
of  her  children.     One  day  she  was  going  into  the 
woods  to  fetch  some  food  for  them,  so  she  called  them  all  up 
to  her,  and  said: 

"  My  dear  children,  I  am  going  out  into  the  woods.  Be- 
ware of  the  wolf!  If  once  he  gets  into  the  house,  he  will 
eat  you  up,  skin,  and  hair,  and  all.  The  rascal  often  dis- 
guises himself,  but  you  will  know  him  by  his  rough  voice  and 
his  black  feet." 

The  kids  said :  "  Oh,  we  will  be  very  careful,  dear  mother. 
You  may  be  quite  happy  about  us." 

Bleating  tenderly,  the  old  goat  went  off  to  her  work.  Be- 
fore long,  some  one  knocked  at  the  door,  and  cried : 

"  Open  the  door,  dear  children !  Your  mother  has  come 
back  and  brought  something  for  each  of  you." 

But  the  kids  knew  quite  well  by  the  voice  that  it  was  the 
wolf. 

"  We  won't  open  the  door !  "  they  cried.  "  You  are  not 
our  mother.  She  has  a  soft,  gentle  voice ;  but  yours  is  rough, 
and  we  are  quite  sure  that  you  are  the  wolf." 

So  he  went  away  to  a  shop  and  bought  a  lump  of  chalk, 
which  he  ate,  and  it  made  his  voice  quite  soft.  He  went  back, 
knocked  at  the  door  again,  and  cried: 

"  Open  the  door,  dear  children.  Your  mother  has  come 
back  and  brought  something  for  each  of  you." 

But  the  wolf  had  put  one  of  his  paws  on  the  window-sill, 
where  the  kids  saw  it,  and  cried : 

"  We  won't  open  the  door.  Our  mother  has  not  got  a 
black  foot  as  you  have;  you  are  the  wolf." 

[166] 


TALES   OF   LAUGHTER 

Then  the  wolf  ran  to  a  baker  and  said :  "  I  have  bruised 
my  foot;  please  put  some  dough  on  it.  And  when  the  baker 
had  put  some  dough  on  his  foot,  he  ran  to  the  miller  and  said : 
"  Strew  some  flour  on  my  foot." 

The  miller  thought,  "  The  old  wolf  is  going  to  take  some- 
body in,"  and  refused. 

But  the  wolf  said :  "  If  you  don't  do  it,  I  will  eat  you  up." 

So  the  miller  was  frightened,  and  whitened  the  wolfs  paws. 
People  are  like  that,  you  know. 

Now  the  wretch  went  for  the  third  time  to  the  door,  and 
knocked  and  said: 

"  Open  the  door,  children.  Your  dear  mother  has  come 
home,  and  has  brought  something  for  each  of  you  out  of  the 
wood." 

The  kids  cried :  "  Show  us  your  feet  first,  that  we  may  be 
sure  you  are  our  mother." 

He  put  his  paws  on  the  window-sill,  and  when  the  kids  saw 
that  these  were  white,  they  believed  all  he  said  and  opened 
the  door. 

Alas !  it  was  the  wolf  who  walked  in.  They  were  terrified, 
and  tried  to  hide  themselves.  One  ran  under  the  table,  the 
second  jumped  into  bed,  the  third  into  the  oven,  the  fourth  ran 
into  the  kitchen,  the  fifth  got  into  the  cupboard,  the  sixth  into 
the  washtub,  and  the  seventh  hid  in  the  tall  clock-case.  But 
the  wolf  found  them  all  but  one,  and  made  short  work  of 
them.  He  swallowed  one  after  the  other,  except  the  youngest 
one  in  the  clock-case,  whom  he  did  not  find.  When  he  had 
satisfied  his  appetite,  he  took  himself  off,  and  lay  down  in  a 
meadow  outside,  where  he  soon  fell  asleep. 

Not  long  after  the  old  nanny-goat  came  back  from  the 
woods.  Oh,  what  a  terrible  sight  met  her  eyes!  The  house 
door  was  wide  open,  table,  chairs,  and  benches  were  over- 
turned, the  washing-bowl  was  smashed  to  atoms,  the  covers 
and  pillows  torn  from  the  bed.  She  searched  all  over  the 
house  for  her  children,  but  nowhere  were  they  to  be  found. 
She  called  them  by  name,  one  by  one,  but  no  one  answered. 
At  last,  when  she  came  to  the  youngest,  a  tiny  voice  cried: 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  I  am  here,  dear  mother,  hidden  in  the  clock-case." 

She  brought  him  out,  and  he  told  her  that  the  wolf  had 
come  and  devoured  all  the  others. 

You  may  imagine  how  she  wept  over  her  children. 

At  last,  in  her  grief,  she  went  out,  and  the  youngest 
kid  ran  by  her  side.  When  they  went  into  the  meadow, 
there  lay  the  wolf  under  a  tree,  making  the  branches 
shake  with  his  snores.  They  examined  him  from  every 
side,  and  they  could  plainly  see  movements  within  his  dis- 
tended body. 

"  Ah,  heavens !  "  thought  the  goat,  "  is  it  possible  that  my 
poor  children,  whom  he  ate  for  his  supper,  should  be  still 
alive?" 

She  sent  the  kid  running  to  the  house  to  fetch  scissors, 
needles,  and  thread.  Then  she  cut  a  hole  in  the  monster's 
side,  and,  hardly  had  she  begun,  when  a  kid  popped  out  its 
head,  and  as  soon  as  the  hole  was  big  enough,  all  six  jumped 
out,  one  after  the  other,  all  alive,  and  without  having  suffered 
the  least  injury,  for,  in  his  greed,  the  monster  had  swallowed 
them  whole.  You  may-imagine  the  mother's  joy.  She  hugged 
them,  and  skipped  about  like  a  tailor  on  his  wedding  day. 
At  last  she  said: 

"  Go  and  fetch  some  big  stones,  children,  and  we  will  fill 
up  the  greedy  beast's  body  while  he  is  asleep." 

Then  the  seven  kids  brought  a  lot  of  stones,  as  fast  as 
they  could  carry  them,  and  stuffed  the  wolf  with  them  till  he 
could  hold  no  more.  The  old  mother  quickly  sewed  him  up, 
without  his  having  noticed  anything,  or  even  moved. 

At  last,  when  the  wolf  had  had  his  sleep  out,  and  got  upon 
his  legs,  he  found  he  was  very  thirsty,  and  wished  to  go  to 
the  spring  to  drink.  But  as  soon  as  he  began  to  move,  the 
stones  began  to  tumble  about  in  his  body,  and  he  cried 
out: 

"What  rattles,  what  rattles 
Against  my  poor  bones? 
Surely  not  little  goats, 
But  only  big  stones!" 
[168] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

And  when  he  came  to  the  brook  he  stooped  down  to  drink, 
and  the  heavy  stones  made  him  lose  his  balance  so  that  he  fell, 
and  sank  beneath  the  water. 

As  soon  as  the  seven  little  goats  saw  this,  they  came  running 
up,  singing  aloud,  "  The  wolf  is  dead !  the  wolf  is  dead !  "  and 
they  danced  for  joy  around  their  mother  by  the  side  of  the 
brook. 


The  Elves  and  the  Shoemaker 

rHERE  was  once  a  shoemaker  who,  through  no  fault 
of  his  own,  had  become  so  poor  that  at  last  he  had 
only  leather  enough  left  for  one  pair  of  shoes.  At 
evening  he  cut  out  the  shoes  which  he  intended  to  begin  upon 
the  next  morning,  and  since  he  had  a  good  conscience,  he  lay 
down  quietly,  said  his  prayers,  and  fell  asleep. 

In  the  morning  when  he  had  prayed,  as  usual,  and  was  pre- 
paring to  sit  down  to  work,  he  found  the  pair  of  shoes  stand- 
ing finished  on  his  table.  He  was  amazed,  and  could  not  un- 
derstand it  in  the  least. 

He  took  the  shoes  in  his  hand  to  examine  them  more  closely. 
They  were  so  neatly  sewn  that  not  a  stitch  was  out  of  place, 
and  were  as  good  as  the  work  of  a  master-hand. 

Soon  after  a  purchaser  came  in,  and  as  he  was  much  pleased 
with  the  shoes,  he  paid  more  than  the  ordinary  price  for  them, 
so  that  the  shoemaker  was  able  to  buy  leather  for  two  pairs 
with  the  money. 

He  cut  them  out  in  the  evening,  and  next  day,  with  fresh 
courage  was  about  to  go  to  work ;  but  he  had  no  need  to,  for 
when  he  got  up,  the  shoes  were  finished,  and  buyers  were  not 
lacking.  These  gave  him  so  much  money  that  he  was  able 
to  buy  leather  for  four  pairs  of  shoes. 

Early  next  morning  he  found  the  four  pairs  finished,  and 
so  it  went  on ;  what  he  cut  out  at  evening  was  finished  in  the 
morning,  so  that  he  was  soon  again  in  comfortable  circum- 
stances, and  became  a  well-to-do  man. 

Now  it  happened  one  evening,  not  long  before  Christmas, 
when  he  had  cut  out  shoes  as  usual,  that  he  said  to  his  wife : 
"  How  would  it  be  if  we  were  to  sit  up  to-night  to  see  who 
it  is  that  lends  us  such  a  helping  hand  ?  " 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

The  wife  agreed,  lighted  a  candle,  and  they  hid  themselves 
in  the  corner  of  the  room  behind  the  clothes  which  were  hang- 
ing there. 

At  midnight  came  two  little  naked  men,  who  sat  down  at 
the  shoemaker's  table,  took  up  the  cut-out  work,  and  began 
with  their  tiny  fingers  to  stitch,  sew,  and  hammer  so  neatly 
and  quickly,  that  the  shoemaker  could  not  believe  his  eyes. 
They  did  not  stop  till  everything  was  quite  finished,  and  stood 
complete  on  the  table ;  then  they  ran  swiftly  away. 

The  next  day  the  wife  said :  "  The  little  men  have  made  us 
rich,  and  we  ought  to  show  our  gratitude.  They  run  about 
with  nothing  on,  and  must  freeze  with  cold.  Now  I  will 
make  them  little  shirts,  coats,  waistcoats,  and  hose,  and  will 
even  knit  them  stout  stockings,  and  you  shall  make  them  each 
a  pair  of  shoes." 

The  husband  agreed,  and  at  evening,  when  they  had  every- 
thing ready,  they  laid  out  the  presents  on  the  table,  and  hid 
themselves  to  see  how  the  little  men  would  behave. 

At  midnight  they  came  skipping  in,  and  were  about  to  set 
to  work ;  but,  instead  of  the  leather  ready  cut  out,  they  found 
the  charming  little  clothes. 

At  first  they  were  surprised,  then  excessively  delighted. 
With  the  greatest  speed  they  put  on  and  smoothed  down  the 
pretty  clothes,  singing: 

"Now  we're  dressed  so  fine  and  neat, 
Why  cobble  more  for  others'  feet?" 

Then  they  hopped  and  danced  about,  and  leaped  over  chairs 
and  tables  and  out  at  the  door.  Henceforward,  they  came 
back  no  more,  but  the  shoemaker  fared  well  as  long  as  he 
lived,  and  had  good  luck  in  all  his  undertakings. 


King   tf^ren 


upon  a  time  the  cuckoo  gave  a  big  tea-party.  It 
was  a  grand  affair,  I  can  tell  you.  Every  bird  of  note 
was  present,  from  the  eagle  down  to  the  sparrow.  All 
the  finches  were  there,  the  larks,  crows,  and  swallows ;  so  how 
they  managed  to  seat  them  all  is  more  than  I  can  tell. 

Now,  the  cuckoo  was  a  wise  old  bird,  and  she  never  took 
a  step  of  this  sort  without  a  reason.  You  sometimes  hear 
people  say,  "  As  silly  as  a  cuckoo,"  but  you  may  take  my 
word  for  it,  it  is  only  because  they  know  nothing  at  all  about 
her. 

Well,  a  bright  idea  had  occurred  to  the  cuckoo,  and  it  was 
just  this :  She  thought  it  was  high  time  the  birds  chose  a  king 
of  their  own.  If  they  had  a  king,  you  see,  they  might  in  time 
be  able  to  have  a  "  Court  Circular,"  which  would  sound  very 
grand.  Besides,  who  knew  but  that  in  the  future  some  of  her 
own  family  might  even  marry  royalty?  Yes,  it  was  a  good 
idea,  she  thought,  but  the  other  birds  would  have  to  be  con- 
sulted first. 

So  she  gave  a  big  tea-party,  and  fed  them  all  up  with  the 
finest  worms  and  dainties  to  be  had,  just  to  put  them  into  a 
good  temper. 

Even  the  hungry  sparrow  finished  eating  at  last — and  you 
have  no  idea  what  his  appetite  was  like ! — and  then  the  cuckoo 
broke  the  news  gently  that  she  thought  they  ought  to  have  a 
king  to  manage  their  affairs  for  them. 

Now  this  caused  no  end  of  commotion.  And  there  they 
sat — fathers,  mothers,  uncles,  and  cousins,  all  talking  away 
at  the  same  time. 

Just  then  the  cock  and  hen  passed  by,  taking  a  little  airing. 

You  must  know  that  they  had  heard  nothing  about  the  tea- 

[172] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

party.  They  were  just  the  cock  and  hen,  and  it  did  not 
matter  much  what  they  thought;  so  they  did  not  get  an 
invitation. 

"  Wat !  wat ! "  cried  the  hen,  when  she  heard  the  dreadful 
din.  Of  course  the  cock  understood  her  language,  and  knew 
that  she  was  asking  what  was  going  on. 

"I'll  find  out,  my  dear,"  he  answered,  and  he  inquired  from 
a  fat,  green  frog. 

"  They  want  to  choose  a  king  over  the  birds,"  he  told  the 
hen,  a  minute  after. 

"  Stuff  and  nonsense !  "  clucked  the  hen ;  only  it  did  not 
sound  quite  like  that,  because  she  spoke  in  her  own  language, 
you  see. 

Well,  the  end  of  it  all  was  that  everybody  was  in  favor  of 
a  king,  save  the  plover,  and  he  cried :  "  I  have  been  free  all 
my  life,  and  I'll  die  free ! "  Then  away  he  flew  to  a  dismal 
swamp,  and  was  seen  no  more. 

So  they  agreed  to  meet  again  next  morning,  if  it  was  fine. 
Their  king  was  to  be  the  bird  who  could  fly  higher  than  all 
the  rest,  and  they  wanted  a  fine  day  so  that  nobody  could 
say  afterward,  "  I  could  have  flown  much  higher,  only  it  was 
so  windy,"  or  something  of  the  sort. 

The  next  day  was  perfect,  so  they,  all  gathered  together  in 
a  big  meadow.  When  the  cuckoo  had  counted  "  Three,"  they 
all  rose  up  with  one  accord  into  the  air,  making  such  a  cloud 
of  dust  that  for  a  moment  you  could  not  see  a  thing. 

Higher  and  higher  they  flew,  but  one  by  one  the  little  birds 
had  to  give  up,  and  in  the  end  the  eagle  was  the  only  bird  left 
flying,  and  he  looked  as  though  he  had  reached  the  sun  itself. 

But  a  tiny  little  bird  had  joined  them  unasked,  and  he  had 
not  even  a  name. 

Nobody  noticed  him  hide  himself  among  the  feathers  in 
the  eagle's  back;  so  when  the  cuckoo  had  counted  three,  up 
he  went  with  the  rest,  although  they  did  not  know  it. 

Now,  when  the  eagle  saw  that  all  the  others  had  given  up, 
he,  too,  began  to  descend.  Then  out  flew  the  little  bird  with- 
out a  name,  and  up  he  went,  much  higher  still. 

[173] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  I  am  king !  I  am  king !  "  cried  the  eagle,  when  he  reached 
the  ground. 

"  Not  at  all,"  replied  the  little  bird  without  a  name,  "  for 
I  have  flown  higher  still,"  and  then  down  he  came. 

"  I  am  king !  I  am  king !  "  he  chirped,  as  soon  as  he  got 
his  breath  again. 

"  You  crafty  little  creature !  "  they  shouted,  with  one  voice. 
"  We  will  have  another  test,  and  a  fair  one  this  time." 

So  the  bird  who  could  fall  deepest  into  the  earth  was  to  be 
their  king,  they  said. 

Well,  the  cock  set  to  work  and  began  to  grub  a  hole  in 
the  ground,  while  the  duck  jumped  down  into  a  grave;  but 
unluckily  she  sprained  her  foot,  and  she  waddled  off,  saying: 
"Bad  work!  Bad  work!" 

But  the  little  bird  without  a  name  crept  right  into  a  mouse- 
hole,  and  cried  shrilly : 

"  I  am  king !    I  am  king !  " 

"  Then  we  will  show  you  how  we  treat  our  royalty !  "  cried 
the  angry  birds.  "  We  will  keep  you  in  the  mouse-hole  and 
starve  you." 

So  they  set  the  owl  to  keep  watch  over  the  hole  during  the 
night,  and  if  he  let  the  bird  go  he  was  to  be  put  to  death  on 
the  spot.  The  others  were  all  so  tired  and  weary  that  they 
flew  home  and  went  to  bed. 

Now,  when  he  had  stared  into  the  hole  for  two  whole  hours, 
the  poor  owl  began  to  feel  very  sleepy.  So  he  went  to  sleep 
with  one  eye  and  watched  intently  with  the  other,  and  all  went 
well  for  a  time.  But  as  luck  would  have  it,  when  he  shut  one 
eye,  after  a  while,  he  forgot  to  open  the  other,  and  you  may 
be  sure  the  little  bird  without  a  name  soon  made  his  escape 
from  his  prison. 

After  that  the  poor  owl  never  dared  show  his  face  again 
by  day,  for  fear  the  birds  should  put  him  to  death.  He 
flies  about  all  night  long,  and  he  is  a  great  enemy  of  the 
little  mice  because  they  make  such — to  him — unfortunate 
holes. 

As  for  that  little  bird  without  a  name,  he  did  not  feel  very 

[174] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

safe  either,  so  he  always  hid  in  the  hedges,  and  when  he  felt 
pretty  secure  he  would  cry  out :  "  I  am  king !    I  am  king !  " 

In  time  the  other  birds  grew  to  call  him  the  "  Hedge  king," 
just  for  scorn,  and  that  means  "  Wren."  That  is  how  he  came 
by  his  name. 


[175] 


Why  the  Bear  has  a  Stumpy  Tail 


X^VNE  winter's  day  the  bear  met  the  iox,  who  came  slink- 
|    i  mg  along  with  a  string  of  fish  he  had  sto'en. 
^-^        "  Hi  !   stop   a  minute  !     Where   did  you   get   those 
from  ?  "  demanded  the  bear. 

"  Oh,  my  lord  Bruin,  I've  been  out  fishing  and  caught 
them,"  said  the  fox. 

So  the  bear  had  a  mind  to  learn  to  fish,  too,  and  bade  the 
iox  tell  him  how  he  was  to  set  about  it. 

"  Oh,  it  is  quite  easy,"  answered  the  iox,  "  and  soon  learned. 
You've  only  got  to  go  upon  the  ice,  and  cut  a  hole  and  stick 
your  tail  down  through  it,  and  hold  it  there  as  long  as  you 
can.  You're  not  to  mind  if  it  smarts  a  little  ;  that's  when  the 
fish  bite.  The  longer  you  hold  it  there,  the  more  fish  you'll 
get;  and  then  all  at  once  out  with  it,  with  a  cross  pull  side- 
ways and  a  strong  pull,  too." 

Well,  the  bear  did  as  the  iox  said,  and  though  he  felt  very 
cold,  and  his  tail  smarted  very  much,  he  kept  it  a  long,  long 
time  down  in  the  hole,  till  at  last  it  was  frozen  in,  though  of 
course  he  did  not  know  that.  Then  he  pulled  it  out  with  a 
strong  pull,  and  it  snapped  short  off,  and  that's  why  Bruin 
goes  about  with  a  stumpy  tail  to  this  day  ! 


Three   Ways  to   Build  a  House 

rHERE  was  once  upon  a  time  a  pig  who  lived  with  her 
three  children  in  a  large,  comfortable,  old-fashioned 
farmyard.  The  eldest  of  the  little  pigs  was  called 
Browny,  the  second  Whity,  and  the  youngest  and  best-looking, 
Blacky.  Now,  Browny  was  a  very  dirty  little  pig,  and  I  am 
sorry  to  say  spent  most  of  his  time  rolling  and  wallowing 
about  in  the  mud.  He  was  never  so  happy  as  on  a  wet  day, 
when  the  mud  in  the  farmyard  was  soft  and  thick  and 
smooth.  Then  he  would  steal  away  from  his  mother's  side, 
and  finding  the  muddiest  place  in  the  yard,  would  roll  about 
in  it  and  thoroughly  enjoy  himself.  His  mother  often  found 
fault  with  him  for  this  and  would  shake  her  head  sadly  and 
say :  "  Ah,  Browny !  some  day  you  will  be  sorry  that  you  did 
not  obey  your  old  mother."  But  no  words  of  advice  or  warn- 
ing could  cure  Browny  of  his  bad  habits. 

Whity  was  quite  a  clever  little  pig,  but  she  was  greedy. 
She  was  always  thinking  of  her  food  and  looking  forward 
to  her  dinner;  and  when  the  farm  girl  was  seen  carrying  the 
pails  across  the  yard,  she  would  rise  up  on  her  hind  legs  and 
dance  and  caper  with  excitement.  As  soon  as  the  food  was 
poured  into  the  trough  she  jostled  Blacky  and  Browny  out  of 
the  way  in  her  eagerness  to  get  the  best  and  biggest  bits  for 
herself.  Her  mother  often  scolded  her  for  her  selfishness, 
and  told  her  that  some  day  she  would  suffer  for  being  so 
greedy. 

Blacky  was  a  nice  little  pig,  neither  dirty  nor  greedy.  He 
had  nice  dainty  ways,  for  a  pig,  and  his  skin  was  always  as 
smooth  and  shining  as  black  satin.  He  was  much  cleverer 
than  either  Browny  or  Whity,  and  his  mother's  heart  used  to 
swell  with  pride  when  she  heard  the  farmer's  friends  say  to 

[177] 


TALES    OF    LAUGHTER 

each  other  that  some  day  the  little  black  fellow  would  be  a 
prize  pig. 

Now,  the  time  came  when  the  mother  pig  felt  old  and 
feeble  and  near  her  end.  One  day  she  called  the  three  little 
pigs  around  her  and  said: 

"  My  children,  I  feel  that  I  am  growing  old  and  weak  and 
that  I  shall  not  live  long.  Before  I  die  I  should  like  to  build 
a  house  for  each  of  you,  as  this  dear  old  sty  in  which  we  have 
lived  so  happily  will  be  given  to  a  new  family  of  pigs,  and 
you  will  have  to  turn  out.  Now,  Browny,  what  sort  of  a 
house  would  you  like  to  have  ?  " 

"  A  house  of  mud,"  replied  Browny,  looking  longingly  at 
a  wet  puddle  in  the  corner  of  the  yard. 

"  And  you,  Whity  ?  "  said  the  mother  pig  in  rather  a  sad 
voice,  for  she  was  disappointed  that  Browny  had  made  so 
foolish  a  choice. 

"  A  house  of  cabbage,"  answered  Whity,  with  a  mouth  full, 
and  scarcely  raising  her  snout  out  of  the  trough  in  which  she 
was  grubbing  for  some  potato  parings. 

"  Foolish,  foolish  child !  "  said  the  mother  pig,  looking  quite 
distressed.  "  And  you,  Blacky,"  turning  to  her  youngest  son, 
"  what  sort  of  a  house  shall  I  order  for  you  ?  " 

"  A  house  of  brick,  please,  mother,  as  it  will  be  warm  in 
winter,  cool  in  summer,  and  safe  all  the  year  round." 

"That  is  a  sensible  little  pig,"  replied  his  mother,  looking 
fondly  at  him.  "  I  will  see  that  the  three  houses  are  made  ready 
at  once.  And  now  one  last  piece  of  advice.  You  have  heard 
me  talk  of  our  old  enemy,  the  fox.  When  he  hears  that  I  am 
dead  he  is  sure  to  try  and  get  hold  of  you,  to  carry  you  off  to 
his  den.  He  is  very  sly,  and  will  no  doubt  disguise  himself 
and  pretend  to  be  a  friend,  but  you  must  promise  me  not  ta 
let  him  enter  your  houses  on  any  pretext  whatever,"  and  the 
little  pigs  readily  promised,  for  they  had  always  had  a  great 
fear  of  the  fox,  of  whom  they  had  heard  many  terrible  tales. 

A  short  time  afterward  the  old  pig  died,  and  the  little  pigs 
went  to  live  in  their  own  houses.  Browny  was  quite  delighted 
with  his  soft  mud  walls  and  with  the  clay  floor,  which  soon 

[178] 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

looked  like  nothing  but  a  big  mud  pie.  But  that  was  what 
Browny  enjoyed,  and  he  was  as  happy  as  possible,  rolling 
about  all  day  and  making  himself  exceedingly  dirty.  One  day, 
as  he  was  lying  half  asleep  in  the  mud,  he  heard  a  soft  knock 
at  his  door  and  a  gentle  voice  said : 

"  May  I  come  in,  Master  Browny  ?  I  want  to  see  your 
beautiful  new  house." 

"  Who  are  you  ?  "  said  Browny,  starting  up  in  great  fright, 
for  though  the  voice  sounded  gentle,  he  felt  sure  it  was  a 
feigned  voice  and  he  feared  it  was  the  fox. 

"  I  am  a  friend  come  to  call  on  you,"  answered  the  voice. 

"  No,  no,"  replied  Browny,  "  I  don't  believe  you  are  a 
friend.  You  are  the  wicked  fox,  against  whom  our  mother 
warned  us.  I  won't  let  you  in." 

"  Oho !  is  that  the  way  you  answer  me  ? "  said  the  fox, 
speaking  very  roughly  in  his  natural  voice.  "  We  shall  soon 
see  who  is  master  here,"  and  with  his  paws  he  set  to  work 
and  scraped  a  large  hole  in  the  soft  mud  walls.  A  moment 
later  he  had  jumped  through  it,  and  catching  Browny  by  the 
neck,  flung  him  on  his  shoulders  and  trotted  off  with  him  to 
his  den. 

The  next  day,  as  Whity  was  munching  a  few  leaves  of  cab- 
bage out  of  the  corner  of  her  house,  the  fox  stole  up  to  her 
door,  determined  to  carry  her  off  to  join  her  brother  in  his 
den.  He  began  speaking  to  her  in  the  same  feigned,  gentle 
voice  in  which  he  had  spoken  to  Browny;  but  it  frightened 
her  very  much  when  he  said: 

"  I  am  a  friend  come  to  visit  you  and  to  have  some  of  your 
good  cabbage  for  my  dinner." 

"  Please  don't  touch  it,"  cried  Whity  in  great  distress. 
"  The  cabbages  are  the  walls  of  my  house,  and  if  you  eat 
them  you  will  make  a  hole,  and  the  wind  and  rain  will  come 
in  and  give  me  a  cold.  Do  go  away.  I  am  sure  you  are  not 
a  friend,  but  our  wicked  enemy  the  fox."  And  poor  Whity 
began  to  whine  and  to  whimper,  and  to  wish  that  she  had  not 
been  such  a  greedy  little  pig  and  had  chosen  a  more  solid 
material  than  cabbages  for  her  house.  But  it  was  too  late 

[179] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

now,  and  in  another  minute  the  fox  had  eaten  his  way  through 
the  cabbage  walls  and  had  caught  the  trembling,  shivering 
Whity  and  carried  her  off  to  his  den. 

The  next  day  the  fox  started  off  for  Blacky's  house,  because 
he  had  made  up  his  mind  that  he  would  get  the  three  little 
pigs  together  in  his  den,  then  kill  them,  and  invite  all  his 
friends  to  a  feast.  But  when  he  reached  the  brick  house  he 
found  that  the  door  was  bolted  and  barred,  so  in  his  sly  man- 
ner he  began :  "  Do  let  me  in,  dear  Blacky.  I  have  brought 
you  a  present  of  some  eggs  that  I  picked  up  in  a  farmyard 
on  my  way  here." 

"  No,  no,  Mr.  Fox/'  replied  Blacky,  "  I  am  not  going  to 
open  my  door  to  you.  I  know  your  cunning  ways.  You  have 
carried  off  poor  Browny  and  Whity,  but  you  are  not  going 
to  get  me." 

At  this  the  fox  was  so  angry  that  he  dashed  with  all  his 
force  against  the  wall  and  tried  to  knock  it  down.  But  it 
was  too  strong  and  well  built ;  and  though  the  fox  scraped  and 
tore  at  the  bricks  with  his  paws  he  only  hurt  himself,  and  at 
last  he  had  to  give  it  up  and  limp  away  with  his  fore  paws  all 
bleeding  and  sore. 

"  Never  mind !  "  he  cried  angrily  as  he  went  off.  "  I'll  catch 
you  another  day,  see  if  I  don't ;  and  won't  I  grind  your  bones 
to  powder  when  I  have  got  you  in  my  den ! "  And  he  snarled 
fiercely  and  showed  his  teeth. 

Next  day  Blacky  had  to  go  into  the  neighboring  town  to 
do  some  marketing  and  to  buy  a  big  kettle.  As  he  was  walk- 
ing home  with  it  slung  over  his  shoulder  he  heard  a  sound  of 
steps  stealthily  creeping  after  him.  For  a  moment  his  heart 
stood  still  with  fear,  and  then  a  happy  thought  came  to  him. 
He  had  just  reached  the  top  of  a  hill,  and  could  see  his  own 
little  house  nestling  at  the  foot  of  it  among  the  trees.  In  a 
moment  he  had  snatched  the  lid  off  the  kettle  and  had  jumped 
in  himself.  Coiling  himself  round  he  lay  quite  snug  in  the 
bottom  of  the  kettle,  while  with  his  foreleg  he  managed  to 
put  the  lid  on,  so  that  he  was  entirely  hidden.  With  a  lit- 
tle kick  from  the  inside  he  started  the  kettle  off,  and  down 

[180] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

the  hill  it  rolled  full  tilt ;  and  when  the  fox  came  up,  all  that  he 
saw  was  a  large  black  kettle  spinning  over  the  ground  at  a 
great  pace.  Very  much  disappointed,  he  was  just  going  to  turn 
away  when  he  saw  the  kettle  stop  close  to  the  little  brick 
house,  and  in  a  moment  Blacky  jumped  out  of  it  and  escaped 
with  it  safely  inside,  when  he  barred  and  bolted  the  door 
and  put  the  shutter  up  over  the  window. 

"  Oho !  "  exclaimed  the  fox  to  himself,  "  you  think  you  will 
escape  me  that  way,  do  you?  We  shall  soon  see  about  that, 
my  friend,"  and  very  quietly  and  stealthily  he  prowled  round 
the  house  looking  for  some  way  to  climb  on  to  the  roof. 

In  the  mean  time  Blacky  had  filled  the  kettle  with  water, 
and  having  put  it  on  the  fire,  sat  down  quietly  waiting  for  it 
to  boil.  Just  as  the  kettle  was  beginning  to  sing  and  steam  to 
come  out  of  the  spout  he  heard  a  sound  like  a  soft,  muffled  step, 
patter,  patter,  patter  overhead,  and  the  next  moment  the  fox's 
head  and  forepaws  were  seen  coming  down  the  chimney.  But 
Blacky  very  wisely  had  not  put  the  lid  on  the  kettle,  and  with 
a  yelp  of  pain  the  fox  fell  into  the  boiling  water,  and  before 
he  could  escape  Blacky  had  popped  the  lid  on  and  the  fox  was 
scalded  to  death. 

As  soon  as  he  was  sure  that  their  wicked  enemy  was  really 
dead  and  could  do  them  no  further  harm,  Blacky  started  off  to 
rescue  Browny  and  Whity.  As  he  approached  the  den  he 
heard  piteous  grunts  and  squeals  from  his  poor  little  brother 
and  sister,  who  lived  in  constant  terror  of  the  fox  killing  and 
eating  them,  but  when  they  saw  Blacky  appear  at  the  en- 
trance to  the  den  their  joy  knew  no  bounds.  He  quickly 
found  a  sharp  stone  and  cut  the  cords  by  which  they  were 
tied  to  a  stake  in  the  ground,  and  then  all  three  started  off 
together  for  Blacky's  house,  where  they  lived  happily  ever 
after;  and  Browny  quite  gave  up  rolling  in  the  mud  and 
Whity  ceased  to  be  greedy,  for  they  never  forgot  how  nearly 
these  faults  had  brought  them  to  an  untimely  end. 


[181] 


How  to   Tell  a   True  Princess 

rHERE  was  once  upon  a  time  a  prince  who  wanted 
to  marry  a  princess,  but  she  must  be  a  true  princess. 
So  he  traveled  through  the  whole  world  to  find  one, 
but  there  was  always  something  against  each.  There  were 
plenty  of  princesses,  but  he  could  not  find  out  if  they  were 
true  princesses.  In  every  case  there  was  some  little  defect, 
which  showed  the  genuine  article  was  not  yet  found.  So  he 
came  home  again  in  very  low  spirits,  for  he  had  wanted  very 
much  to  have  a  true  princess.  One  night  there  was  a  dread- 
ful storm;  it  thundered  and  lightened  and  the  rain  streamed 
down  in  torrents.  It  was  fearful!  There  was  a  knocking 
heard  at  the  palace  gate,  and  the  old  king  went  to  open  it. 

There  stood  a  princess  outside  the  gate;  but  oh,  in  what 
a  sad  plight  she  was  from  the  rain  and  the  storm !  The  water 
was  running  down  from  her  hair  and  her  dress  into  the  points 
of  her  shoes  and  out  at  the  heels  again.  And  yet  she  said  she 
was  a  true  princess! 

"  Well,  we  shall  soon  find  that !  "  thought  the  old  queen. 
But  she  said  nothing  and  went  into  the  sleeping-room,  took 
off  all  the  bedclothes,  and  laid  a  pea  on  the  bottom  of  the  bed. 
Then  she  put  twenty  mattresses  on  top  of  the  pea  and  twenty 
eider-down  quilts  on  the  top  of  the  mattresses.  And  this  was 
the  bed  in  which  the  princess  was  to  sleep. 

The  next  morning  she  was  asked  how  she  had  slept. 

"  Oh,  very  badly !  "  said  the  princess.  "  I  scarcely  closed 
my  eyes  all  night!  I  am  sure  I  don't  know  what  was  in  the 
bed.  I  lay  on  something  so  hard  that  my  whole  body  is  black 
and  blue.  It  is  dreadful !  " 

Now  they  perceived  that  she  was  a  true  princess,  because 
she  had  felt  the  pea  through  the  twenty  mattresses  and  the 
twenty  eider-down  quilts. 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

No  one  but  a  true  princess  could  be  so  sensitive. 

So  the  prince  married  her,  for  now  he  knew  that  at  last  he 
had  got  hold  of  a  true  princess.  And  the  pea  was  put  into  the 
Royal  Museum,  where  it  is  still  to  be  seen  if  no  one  has  stolen 
it.  Now,  this  is  a  true  story. 


The  Five   Servants 


X^VNCE  upon  a  time,  in  a  country  far  away,  there  lived  and 
f  I  ruled  an  old  queen  who  had  such  a  wicked  heart  that 
^-^  she  was  not  happy  unless  she  was  working  evil  to 
others.  She  had  one  daughter  who  was  very  beautiful,  and 
whom  she  made  use  of  to  further  her  own  evil  plans  ;  for, 
whenever  a  suitor  came  to  apply  for  her  hand,  the  old  queen 
set  him  an  impossible  task,  and  chopped  off  his  head  without 
any  pity  when  he  could  not  perform  it. 

Now,  in  another  country  there  lived  a  young  prince  who 
had  heard  of  this  lovely  girl,  and  he  begged  his  father  to  let 
him  go  and  try  his  luck. 

"  Not  a  bit  of  it,"  said  the  king.  "  You  would  only  lose 
your  head  like  the  rest." 

But  the  prince  was  very  anxious  to  go,  and  when  he  found 
his  father  was  firm,  he  fell  ill  and  took  to  his  bed  for  seven 
years,  and  not  all  the  doctors  in  the  land  could  make  him 
well  again  or  restore  his  fallen  spirits.  Then  the  father  knew 
that  the  lad  must  die,  unless  he  was  allowed  to  have  his  own 
way,  so  he  said  : 

"  Get  up,  my  son,  and  try  your  fate." 

At  these  joyful  words  the  boy  jumped  out  of  bed,  quite  re- 
covered, and  you  may  be  sure  it  was  not  long  before  he  was 
ready  for  his  journey  and  on  the  road. 

One  day,  as  he  was  swinging  along  over  hill  and  dale,  and 
fern  and  brake,  he  saw  a  great  big  thing  lying  by  the  road- 
side. At  first  he  thought  it  was  a  huge  animal,  but  as  he 
drew  nearer  he  saw  that  it  was  really  an  enormously  fat  man, 
who  was  as  round  and  jolly  as  you  can  imagine.  Seeing  the 
traveler,  he  rose  to  his  feet,  and  I  do  believe  the  earth  trembled 
as  he  did  so. 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"If  you  are  in  need  of  a  servant,  take  me,  and  you  will 
not  repent,"  he  said,  pulling  off  his  cap  and  bowing. 

"  Why,  whatever  should  I  do  with  such  a  fat  fellow  as 
you  ?  "  answered  the  prince. 

"  If  I  were  three  thousand  times  as  fat  it  would  not  matter, 
so  long  as  I  served  you  well,"  said  the  man. 

"  Hum !  well,  that  is  very  true,"  replied  the  prince.  "  You 
may  come  along,  and  I  dare  say  I  shall  be  able  to  put  you  to 
some  use." 

So  they  journeyed  on  together,  and  presently  they  came 
upon  a  man  lying  with  his  ear  pressed  to  the  ground. 

"  What  are  you  doing  ?  "  asked  the  prince. 

"  I  am  listening,"  answered  the  man.  "  I  can  hear  every- 
thing that  is  going  on  in  the  world,  even  the  growing  of  the 
grass." 

"  Ah,"  said  the  prince,  "  then  you  can  tell  me  what  you  hear 
in  the  palace  of  the  old  queen." 

"  I  hear  the  cutting  off  of  a  suitor's  head." 

"  Come  with  me,  then,"  said  the  prince,  "  for  I  can  see  that 
you  will  be  useful." 

A  little  farther  on  they  came  upon  a  pair  of  legs  lying 
stretched  on  the  grass,  but  they  were  so  long  that  the  travelers 
had  to  walk  an  hour  before  they  came  to  the  body,  and  then 
nearly  another  hour  before  they  reached  the  head. 

"  Well,  what  a  long  strip  of  a  chap  you  are ! "  said  the 
prince. 

"  Why,  master,  you  have  only  seen  me  when  I  am  lying 
down,"  replied  the  man.  "  Just  you  wait  till  I  stand  up.  I  am 
thrice  as  tall  as  the  highest  mountain  you  have  ever  seen  on 
your  travels.  Just  let  me  come  and  be  your  servant,  and  I 
promise  that  you  will  find  me  useful." 

"Willingly,"  answered  the  prince. 

Then  they  all  went  on  their  way  again  till  they  came  to 
a  wood,  and  here  they  found  a  man  who,  though  he  was 
lying  in  the  full  heat  of  the  sun,  was  shivering  and  shaking 
so  that  it  was  a  wonder  his  teeth  did  not  fall  out  of  his 
head. 

[185] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  Why,  my  good  man,"  said  the  prince,  "  what  makes  you 
shiver  so  on  this  hot  day  ?  " 

"  Alas ! "  groaned  the  man,  "  the  hotter  the  day  the  colder 
I  am ;  the  sun  freezes  the  very  marrow  in  my  bones ;  and  when 
it  is  what  you  call  cold,  I  begin  to  grow  hot,  so  that  I  nearly 
burn  to  death.  I  cannot  bear  cold  because  it  is  so  hot,  nor 
heat  because  it  is  so  cold." 

"  Well,  you  are  an  odd  fellow,"  said  the  prince.  "  Suppose 
you  get  up  and  join  my  train?  "  So  the  man  agreed. 

The  next  man  they  met  was  standing  in  a  field  turning  his 
head  from  side  to  side  in  a  way  that  made  your  neck  ache  to 
watch  him. 

"  What  are  you  looking  for  ?  "  asked  the  prince. 

"  I  am  looking  for  nothing,"  answered  the  man.  "  But  I 
have  such  keen  sight  that  I  can  see  all  over  the  world,  through 
woods  and  forests,  and  hills  and  mountains;  nothing  can  es- 
cape my  eyes." 

"  Well,"  said  the  prince,  "  if  you  are  willing  to  take  service, 
join  my  train,  for  I  have  need  of  such  as  you." 

Then  they  all  journeyed  on  together  in  a  very  merry  fashion, 
for  the  prince  was  light-hearted  at  the  thought  of  his  beau- 
tiful bride  that  was  to  be.  You  see,  he  had  quite  made  up  his 
mind  to  get  the  better  of  the  wicked  queen.  Soon  they  reached 
the  palace,  and  the  prince  presented  himself  to  the  queen,  and 
said: 

"  I  am  come  to  ask  the  hand  of  your  daughter  in  marriage. 
Set  me  what  task  you  like,  so  long  as  I  may  marry  her  when 
it  is  done." 

"  Three  tasks  I  will  set  you,"  said  the  queen,  "  and  when 
they  are  done  you  shall  be  her  husband.  First,  you  must  find 
me  the  ring  that  I  have  dropped  in  the  sea  near  the  palace." 

The  prince  went  home  to  his  servants,  and  said : 

"  Now  is  your  chance  to  prove  your  worth.  You  must  find 
me  a  ring  that  lies  at  the  bottom  of  the  sea." 

"  I  will  see  where  it  lies,"  said  the  keen-sighted  one ;  and 
suddenly  he  shouted :  "  There  it  is ;  it  lies  on  a  rock  at  the 
bottom  of  the  waves !  " 

[186] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  I  would  soon  fetch  it,  if  I  could  see  it,"  said  the  long 
man. 

"  I  can  arrange  that,"  chimed  in  the  fat  one,  and  he  lay 
down  beside  the  sea  and  began  to  drink. 

And  he  drank  and  drank  till  the  sea  disappeared,  and  the 
bottom  lay  stretched  out  before  them  as  dry  as  a  meadow. 
Then  the  long  man  took  one  stride,  and  picked  up  the  ring 
and  brought  it  to  the  prince. 

The  old  queen  was  very  much  surprised  to  see  the  ring, 
but  she  concealed  her  annoyance,  and,  leading  the  youth  to  the 
window,  said: 

"  In  yonder  field  a  hundred  fat  oxen  are  feeding.  You  must 
eat  them  all  before  noon,  and,  in  case  you  are  thirsty,  you 
must  drink  the  contents  of  the  hundred  casks  of  wine  that  are 
in  the  cellar." 

"Certainly,"  said  the  youth,  cheerfully.  "But  I  should 
like  to  invite  a  friend  to  eat  with  me." 

"  Oh,  by  all  means,"  replied  the  old  hag,  with  a  smile. 

So  the  prince  went  to  his  friends  and  told  them  the  news. 

"  You  will  help  me  to-day  ? "  he  said,  turning  to  the  fat 
man ;  "  and  for  once  you  will  have  a  good  meal." 

So  they  went  straightway  to  the  field  where  the  oxen  were, 
and  in  no  time  at  all  the  fat  man  had  gobbled  up  every  one, 
and  still  looked  hungry.  Then  the  prince  took  him  down 
to  the  cellar,  and  he  quenched  his  thirst  with  the  hundred 
casks  of  wine. 

Again  the  youth  presented  himself  to  the  witch,  and  as- 
tonished her  with  the  news  that  the  task  was  done. 

"  Oho !  my  fine  fellow,"  she  grumbled  to  herself,  "  I  will 
catch  you  yet. 

"  To-night,"  she  added  aloud,  "  I  will  bring  the  princess  and 
leave  her  to  sit  with  you ;  but  beware  lest  you  fall  asleep,  for 
if  I  come  at  twelve  and  find  the  princess  gone,  you  are  a  lost 
man!" 

"  That  does  not  sound  difficult,"  thought  the  prince. 
"  Surely  I  can  keep  awake,  if  I  want  to." 

So  he  told  his  servants  what  the  third  task  was  to  be,  and 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

they  all  agreed  that  a  watch  had  better  be  kept,  lest  the  old 
woman  should  play  some  trick. 

At  nightfall  the  old  queen  brought  her  daughter  to  the 
prince's  house  and  returned  to  the  palace.  As  soon  as  she 
was  gone,  the  long  man  wound  himself  around  the  house ;  the 
listener  lay  with  his  ear  to  the  ground;  the  fat  one  stood  in 
the  doorway,  completely  blocking  the  entrance,  and  the  keen- 
eyed  one  kept  watch.  Within  sat  the  princess,  silent  as  a 
statue,  the  moonlight  lighting  up  her  beautiful  face  with  a 
radiant  glory,  so  that  the  prince  could  only  gaze  at  her  in  awe 
and  wonder.  So  far  it  was  well;  but  at  half  past  eleven  a 
spell,  cast  by  the  old  queen,  fell  on  them  all,  and  they  slept, 
and  immediately  the  princess  was  spirited  away. 

At  a  quarter  to  twelve  the  spell  lost  its  power,  and  they 
awoke  to  discover  what  a  calamity  had  fallen  upon  them. 

"  Oh,  woe  is  me !  woe  is  me !  "  cried  the  prince.  "  What 
can  save  us  now  ?  "  and  the  faithful  servants  wept  in  unison. 

Suddenly  the  listener  said: 

"  Hark!  be  still,  and  I  will  listen." 

They  were  quiet  at  once,  and  he  listened  for  a  moment. 

"  I  hear  her  bewailing  her  fate !  "  he  cried. 

Then  the  keen-sighted  man  turned  his  head  from  side  to 
side  and  cried  joyfully: 

"  I  see  her  sitting  on  a  rock,  three  hundred  miles  away. 
Our  long  friend  can  reach  her  in  two  strides." 

"  Willingly,"  cried  the  man,  and  he  was  up  and  at  the  foot 
of  the  rock  before  the  others  could  look  round.  He  took  the 
princess  in  his  arms,  and  she  was  back  in  the  prince's  house 
just  one  moment  before  twelve,  and  they  all  sat  down  to- 
gether and  rejoiced. 

As  the  clock  struck  twelve,  the  old  queen  came  creeping 
along,  looking  very  spiteful,  as  she  thought  she  had  really  won 
this  time ;  for  was  not  her  daughter  three  hundred  miles  away  ? 
She  was  not,  as  we  know,  and  when  the  queen  saw  this  she 
felt  so  angry  she  would  like  to  have  ordered  all  their  heads 
to  be  chopped  off. 

"  There  must  be  some  one  here  who  is  cleverer  than  I !  *' 

[!88] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

she  screamed,  and  then  she  fell  to  crying,  but  it  was  of  no 
use.  The  prince  was  firm  as  a  rock,  and  she  had  to  consent 
to  the  wedding ;  but  she  whispered  to  her  daughter : 

"  His  servants  have  done  everything  for  him.  Aren't  you 
ashamed  to  have  a  husband  who  can  do  nothing  at  all  for 
himself?" 

The  daughter  had  a  proud  and  haughty  temper,  and  her 
pride  began  to  rise  up  angrily.  So  next  day  she  commanded 
three  hundred  loads  of  wood  to  be  brought  and  piled  up  in 
the  palace  yard  and  set  alight.  Then  she  told  the  prince  that 
he  had  performed  the  tasks  only  by  the  help  of  his  servants, 
and  before  she  would  marry  him  some  one  must  sit  upon  the 
woodpile  and  stay  there  till  it  was  burned  out ;  for  she  thought 
no  servant  would  do  so  much  for  him,  and  he  surely  would 
have  to  do  this  himself.  However,  she  was  wrong,  for  the 
freezing  man  claimed  this  as  his  share  of  the  work,  and  he 
mounted  the  woodpile  without  delay. 

For  three  days  and  three  nights  it  blazed  away,  till  only 
ashes  were  left,  and  there  stood  the  freezing  man  shivering 
like  a  jelly. 

"If  it  had  burned  much  longer,  I  should  have  been  be- 
numbed with  the  cold,"  he  said,  with  chattering  teeth. 

Now,  the  princess  saw  that  she  could  delay  no  longer,  so 
they  set  off  to  the  church,  but  the  queen  made  yet  another 
attempt  to  prevent  the  wedding.  She  called  her  attendants, 
and  sent  them  to  waylay  the  party  and  kill  every  one  but  the 
princess.  However,  the  listener  had  been  keeping  his  ears 
open,  and  he  heard  this  order;  so  they  put  on  more  speed 
and  reached  the  church  first,  and  were  married.  At  the 
church  door  the  five  servants  took  leave  of  their  master  and 
went  out  into  the  world  to  try  their  fortune  alone. 

The  prince  and  his  wife  set  forth  on  their  homeward  jour- 
ney, and  at  the  end  of  the  first  day  they  came  upon  a  village 
where  a  swineherd  stood  feeding  his  pigs. 

"  Do  you  know  who  I  am  ?  "  said  the  prince  to  his  wife. 
"  Yonder  man  is  my  father,  and  our  duty  now  is  to  tend  the 
pigs  with  him." 

[189] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

They  went  into  the  cottage,  and  during  the  night  the  prince 
took  away  her  splendid  clothes,  so  that  in  the  morning  she 
had  to  put  on  an  old  dress  and  shoes  belonging  to  the  swine- 
herd's wife. 

These  were  given  to  her  grudgingly,  and  only  for  her  hus- 
band's sake,  as  the  woman  told  her.  So  the  princess  was  now 
very  miserable,  and  believed  that  her  husband  was  really  a 
swineherd;  but  she  determined  to  make  the  best  of  it,  and 
turn  to  and  do  her  share  of  the  work,  and  said  to  herself : 

"  It  is  a  punishment  for  all  my  pride." 

This  went  on  for  a  week,  and  then  she  was  so  worn  out  that 
she  sat  down  by  the  wayside  and  burst  into  tears.  Some 
kindly  villagers  asked  her  what  was  the  matter,  and  if  she 
knew  what  her  husband  was? 

"He  is  a  swineherd/'  she  answered,  "and  has  just  gone 
to  market  with  some  of  his  pigs." 

"  Come  with  us,  and  we  will  show  you  where  he  is,"  they 
said ;  and  they  took  her  away  over  the  hill  to  the  king's  palace, 
and  there  in  the  hall  stood  her  husband  surrounded  by  cour- 
tiers, and  so  richly  dressed  that  she  did  not  know  him,  till  he 
fell  upon  her  neck,  saying: 

"We  have  borne  much  for  each  other,  now  let  us  be 
happy." 

Then  there  was  great  rejoicing,  and  the  marriage-feast  was 
celebrated,  and  all  I  can  say  is,  that  I  wish  we  had  been  there 
to  share  the  merrymaking. 


The  Hare  and  the  Fox 

A    HARE  and  a  Fox  were  traveling  together.     It  was 

>^f  winter  time.  Not  a  blade  of  grass  was  to  be  seen, 
JL  J*  not  a  bird  or  mouse  stirred  in  the  fields. 

"  It's  hungry  weather,"  said  the  Fox  to  the  Hare.  "  I  feel 
as  hollow  as  an  egg-shell." 

"  And  so  do  I,"  replied  the  Hare.  "  I'm  hungry  enough  to 
eat  my  own  ears,  if  only  I  could  reach  them." 

When  they  had  gone  a  little  way  they  spied  a  peasant  girl 
coming  toward  them.  She  carried  a  basket,  and  out  of  the 
basket  came  a  very  pleasant  smell — the  smell  of  hot  rolls. 

"  I  tell  you  what,"  said  the  Fox.  "  You  lie  down  and  pre- 
tend to  be  dead.  The  girl  will  put  down  her  basket  to  take 
you  up  for  the  sake  of  your  skin,  for  out  of  hare-skins  they 
make  gloves;  then  I'll  snatch  the  rolls,  and  we  shall  have  a 
splendid  meal ! " 

The  Hare  did  as  the  Fox  told  him,  fell  down,  and  pretended 
to  be  dead,  while  the  Fox  hid  behind  a  snow-drift.  The  girl 
came  along,  saw  the  Hare  with  his  legs  stretched  out  stiff 
and  stark,  put  down  her  basket  sure  enough,  and  stooped  over 
the  Hare.  The  Fox  snatched  up  the  basket  and  scampered 
off  with  it.  The  Hare  in  a  twinkling  came  to  life,  and  fol- 
lowed his  companion.  But  he  ran  on  ahead,  and  showed  quite 
plainly  that  he  meant  to  keep  the  rolls  all  to  himself. 

But  that  was  not  what  the  Hare  had  bargained  for,  you  may 
guess.  So  when  they  came  to  a  little  lake,  he  called  out  to 
the  Fox: 

"  What  do  you  say  to  catching  a  dish  of  fish  ?  Then  we 
should  have  fish  and  rolls  to  eat  like  any  lord.  Just  dangle 
your  tail  down  in  the  water;  the  fish  haven't  much  to  bite 
these  days,  so  they're  bound  to  hang  on  to  your  tail.  You 
must  make  haste,  though,  before  the  lake  freezes  over." 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

Well,  the  Fox  thought  that  a  good  idea.  So  he  went  to  the 
lake,  which  was  just  beginning  to  freeze,  and  dangled  his 
tail  in  the  water.  In  a  very  short  time  the  tail  was  frozen  in. 

Now,  the  Hare  took  the  basket  and  gobbled  up  the  rolls  one 
after  the  other  as  comfortably  as  you  please,  right  before 
the  Fox's  face. 

"  Wait  till  it  thaws,"  he  said  to  the  Fox.  "  Wait  till  the 
spring.  Wait  till  it  thaws !  "  and  then  he  ran  away. 

And  the  Fox  was  so  angry  at  the  way  he  had  been  caught 
that  he  barked  and  barked  like  a  savage  dog  on  a  chain. 


[192] 


The  Story  of  Zirac 


X*"\  NCE  upon  a  time  a  raven,  a  rat,  and  a  tortoise,  having 
|  i  agreed  to  be  friends  together,  were  having  a  pleasant 
*^r  chat  when  they  saw  a  wild  goat  making  its  way  toward 
them  with  surprising  swiftness.  They  took  it  for  granted 
by  her  speed  that  she  was  pursued  by  some  hunter,  and  they 
at  once  without  ceremony  separated,  every  one  to  take  care 
of  himself.  The  tortoise  slipped  into  the  water,  the  rat  crept 
into  a  hole,  which  he  fortunately  found  near  at  hand,  and  the 
raven  hid  himself  among  the  boughs  of  a  very  high  tree.  In 
the  mean  time  the  goat  stopped  quite  suddenly,  and  stood  to 
rest  herself  by  the  side  of  a  fountain,  when  the  raven,  who  had 
looked  all  round  and  perceived  no  one,  called  to  the  tortoise, 
who  immediately  peeped  above  the  water,  and  seeing  the 
goat  afraid  to  drink,  said :  "  Drink  boldly,  my  friend,  for  the 
water  is  very  clear." 

After  the  goat  had  done  so,  the  tortoise  continued :  "  Pray 
tell  me  what  is  the  reason  you  appear  in  such  distress  ?  " 

"  Reason  enough,"  said  the  goat ;  "  for  I  have  just  made 
my  escape  out  of  the  hands  of  a  hunter,  who  pursued  me  with 
an  eager  chase." 

"  Come,"  said  the  tortoise,  "  I  am  glad  you  are  safe.  I  have 
an  offer  to  make  you.  If  you  like  our  company,  stay  here  and 
be  one  of  our  friends;  you  will  find  our  hearts  honest  and 
our  company  useful  to  you.  The  sages  say  that  a  number 
of  friends  lessens  trouble." 

After  this  short  speech  the  raven  and  the  rat  joined  in  the 
invitation,  so  that  the  goat  at  once  promised  to  become  one 
of  them,  each  promising  the  other  to  prove  himself  a  real  and 
true  friend  whatever  might  happen  in  days  to  come.  After 
this  agreement  these  four  friends  lived  in  perfect  harmony  for 

[193] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

a  very  long  time,  and  spent  their  time  pleasantly  together. 
But  one  day,  as  the  tortoise,  the  rat,  and  the  raven  were  met, 
as  they  used  to  do,  by  the  side  of  the  fountain,  the  goat  was 
missing.  This  gave  great  trouble  to  them,  as  they  knew  not 
what  had  happened.  They  very  soon  came  to  a  resolution, 
however,  to  seek  for  and  assist  the  goat,  so  the  raven  at  once 
mounted  into  the  air  to  see  what  discoveries  he  could  make ; 
and  looking  round  about  him,  at  length,  to  his  great  sorrow, 
saw  at  a  distance  the  poor  goat  entangled  in  a  hunter's  net. 
He  immediately  dropped  down  in  order  to  acquaint  the  rat 
and  tortoise  with  what  he  had  seen;  and  you  may  be  sure 
that  these  ill  tidings  caused  great  grief. 

"  What  shall  we  do?  "  said  they. 

"  We  have  promised  firm  friendship  to  one  another  and 
lived  very  happily  together  so  long,"  said  the  tortoise,  "  that 
it  would  be  shameful  to  break  the  bond  and  not  act  up  to  all 
we  said.  We  cannot  leave  our  innocent  and  good-natured 
companion  in  this  dire  distress  and  great  danger.  No!  we 
must  find  some  way  to  deliver  our  poor  friend  goat  out  of 
captivity." 

Said  the  raven  to  the  rat,  who  was  nicknamed  Zirac :  "  Re- 
member, O  excellent  Zirac,  there  is  none  but  thyself  able  to 
set  our  friend  at  liberty;  and  the  business  must  be  quickly 
done  for  fear  the  huntsman  should  lay  his  hands  upon  her." 

"  Doubt  not,"  replied  Zirac,  "  but  that  I  will  do  my  best, 
so  let  us  go  at  once  that  no  time  may  be  lost." 

On  this  the  raven  took  up  Zirac  in  his  bill,  and  flew  with 
him  to  the  place  where  the  poor  goat  was  confined  in  the  net. 
No  sooner  had  he  arrived  than  he  at  once  commenced  to 
gnaw  the  meshes  of  the  net  that  held  the  goat's  foot  and 
had  almost  set  him  at  liberty  when  the  tortoise  arrived. 

As  soon  as  the  goat  saw  the  tortoise  she  cried  out  with  a 
loud  voice :  "  Oh,  why  have  you  ventured  to  come  hither, 
friend  tortoise  ?  " 

"  Because  I  could  no  longer  bear  your  absence,"  replied  the 
tortoise. 

"  Dear  friend,"  said  the  goat,  "  your  coming  to  this  place 

[  194  ]  ' 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

troubles  me  as  much  as  the  loss  of  my  own  liberty ;  for  if  the 
hunter  should  happen  to  come,  what  would  you  do  to  make 
your  escape?  For  my  part  I  am  almost  free,  and  my  being 
able  to  run  will  prevent  me  from  falling  into  his  hands  again ; 
our  friend  the  raven  can  find  safety  in  flight,  and  Zirac  can 
run  into  any  hole.  Only  you,  who  are  so  slow  of  foot,  will 
become  the  hunter's  prey."  No  sooner  had  the  goat  thus 
spoken,  when  sure  enough  the  hunter  appeared ;  but  the  goat, 
being  free,  swiftly  ran  away ;  the  raven  mounted  into  the  air, 
and  Zirac  slipped  into  a  hole,  and  true  enough,  as  the  goat 
had  said,  only  the  slow-paced  tortoise  remained  without  help. 

When  the  hunter  arrived  he  was  a  little  surprised  to  see  his 
net  broken  and  the  goat  missing.  This  was  no  small  vexa- 
tion to  him,  and  caused  him  to  look  closely  around,  to  see 
if  he  could  discover  who  had  done  the  mischief;  and  unfor- 
tunately, in  thus  searching,  he  spied  the  tortoise. 

"  Oh !  Oh !  "  said  he.  "  Very  good ;  I  am  glad  to  see  you 
here.  I  find  I  shall  not .  go  home  empty-handed  after  all ; 
here  is  a  plump  tortoise,  and  that  is  worth  something,  I'm 
sure."  Thus  saying,  he  took  up  the  tortoise,  put  it  in  a 
sack,  threw  the  sack  over  his  shoulder,  and  was  soon  trudg- 
ing home. 

After  he  had  gone  the  three  friends  came  out  from  their 
several  hiding-places,  and  met  together,  when,  missing  the 
tortoise,  they  at  once  judged  what  had  become  of  him.  Then, 
uttering  bitter  cries  and  lamentations,  they  shed  torrents  of 
tears.  At  length  the  raven  broke  the  silence,  and  said :  "  Dear 
friends,  our  moans  and  sorrow  do  not  help  the  tortoise.  We 
must,  if  it  be  at  all  possible,  devise  some  means  of  saving  his 
life.  Our  sages  have  often  told  us  that  there  are  three  persons 
that  are  never  well  known  but  on  special  occasions — men  of 
courage  in  fight,  men  of  honesty  in  business,  and  a  true  friend 
in  extreme  necessity.  We  find,  alas !  our  dear  companion  the 
tortoise  is  in  a  sad  condition,  and  therefore  we  must,  if  pos- 
sible, help  him." 

"  It  is  first-class  advice,"  replied  Zirac.  "  Now  I  think  I 
know  how  it  can  be  done.  Let  our  friend  the  goat  go  and 

[195] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

show  herself  to  the  hunter,  who  will  then  be  certain  to  lay 
down  the  sack  to  run  after  her." 

"  All  right/'  said  the  goat,  "  I  will  pretend  to  be  lame,  and 
run  limping  at  a  little  distance  before  him,  which  will  en- 
courage him  to  follow  me,  and  thus  draw  him  a  good  way 
from  his  sack,  which  will  give  Zirac  time  to  set  our  friend 
at  liberty." 

This  plan  appeared  such  a  good  one  that  it  was  at  once  ap- 
proved of,  and  immediately  the  goat  ran  halting  before  the 
hunter,  and  appeared  to  be  so  feeble  and  faint  that  her  pursuer 
thought  he  had  her  safe  in  his  clutches  again,  and  so,  laying 
down  his  sack,  ran  after  the  goat  with  all  his  might.  That 
cunning  creature  suffered  him  now  and  again  almost  to  come 
up  to  her,  and  then  led  him  another  wild-goose  chase  till  at 
last  she  had  lured  him  out  of  sight ;  which  Zirac  seeing,  began 
gnawing  the  string  that  tied  the  mouth  of  the  sack,  and  soon 
set  free  the  tortoise,  who  went  at  once  and  hid  himself  in  a 
thick  bush. 

At  length  the  hunter,  tired  of  running  after  his  prey,  gave 
up  the  chase,  and  returned  to  take  up  his  sack. 

"  Here,"  said  he,  "  I  have  something  safe ;  thou  art  not  quite 
so  swift  as  that  plaguing  goat;  and  if  thou  wert,  art  too  well 
confined  here  to  find  the  way  to  make  thy  little  legs  any  use 
to  thee."  So  saying,  he  went  to  the  bag,  but  not  finding  the 
tortoise  he  was  amazed,  and  thought  himself  in  a  region  of 
hobgoblins  and  spirits,  since  he  had  by  some  mysterious  means 
lost  two  valuable  objects,  a  goat  and  a  tortoise !  He  did  not 
know,  you  see,  what  wonders  true  friendship  can  work  when 
all  are  pledged  to  help  one  another. 

The  four  friends  soon  met  together  again,  congratulated 
one  another  on  their  escapes,  made  afresh  their  vows  of  friend- 
ship, and  declared  that  they  would  never  separate  until  death 
parted  them. 


[196] 


^Johnny-Cake 


NCE  upon  a  time  there  was  an  old  man,  and  an  old 
woman,  and  a  little  boy.  One  morning  the  old  woman 
made  a  Johnny-cake,  and  put  it  in  the  oven  to  bake. 
"  You  watch  the  Johnny-cake  while  your  father  and  I  go  out 
to  work  in  the  garden,"  she  said,  so  the  old  man  and  the  old 
woman  went  out  and  began  to  hoe  potatoes,  and  left  the  little 
boy  to  tend  the  oven.  But  he  didn't  watch  it  all  the  time,  and 
all  of  a  sudden  he  heard  a  noise,  and  he  looked  up  and  the  oven 
door  popped  open,  and  out  of  the  oven  jumped  Johnny-cake, 
and  went  rolling  along  end  over  end,  toward  the  open  door 
of  the  house.  The  little  boy  ran  to  shut  the  door,  but  Johnny- 
cake  was  too  quick  for  him  and  rolled  through  the  door,  down 
the  steps,  and  out  into  the  road  long  before  the  little  boy  could 
catch  him.  The  little  boy  ran  after  him  as  fast  as  he  could 
clip  it,  crying  out  to  his  father  and  mother,  who  heard  the 
uproar,  and  threw  down  their  hoes  and  gave  chase  too.  But 
Johnny-cake  outran  all  three  a  long  way,  and  was  soon  out 
of  sight,  while  they  had  to  sit  down,  all  out  of  breath,  on  a 
bank  to  rest. 

On  went  Johnny-cake,  and  by  and  by  he  came  to  two  well- 
diggers,  who  looked  up  from  their  work  and  called  out: 
"  Where  ye  going,  Johnny-cake  ?  " 

He  said :  "I've  outrun  an  old  man,  and  an  old  woman,  and 
a  little  boy,  and  I  can  outrun  you  too-o-o !  " 

"  Ye  can,  can  ye  ?  We'll  see  about  that,"  said  they ;  and  they 
threw  down  their  picks  and  ran  after  him,  but  couldn't  catch 
up  with  him,  and  soon  they  had  to  sit  down  by  the  roadside 
to  rest. 

On  ran  Johnny-cake,  and  by  and  by  he  came  to  two  ditch- 
diggers  who  were  digging  a  ditch.  "  Where  ye  going,  Johnny- 

[197] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

cake  ?  "  said  they.  He  said :  "  I've  outrun  an  old  man,  and  an 
old  woman,  and  a  little  boy,  and  two  well-diggers,  and  I  can 
outrun  you  too-o-o !  " 

"  Ye  can,  can  ye  ?  We'll  see  about  that ! "  said  they ;  and 
they  threw  down  their  spades,  and  ran  after  him  too.  But 
Johnny-cake  soon  outstripped  them  also,  and  seeing  they  could 
never  catch  him,  they  gave  up  the  chase  and  sat  down  to  rest. 

On  went  Johnny-cake,  and  by  and  by  he  came  to  a  bear. 
The  bear  said :  "  Where  are  ye  going,  Johnny-cake  ?  " 

He  said :  "  I've  outrun  an  old  man,  and  an  old  woman,  and 
a  little  boy,  and  two  well-diggers,  and  two  ditch-diggers,  and 
I  can  outrun  you  too-o-o ! " 

"  Ye  can,  can  ye  ?  "  growled  the  bear.  "  We'll  see  about 
that !  "  and  trotted  as  fast  as  his  legs  could  carry  him  after 
Johnny-cake,  who  never  stopped  to  look  behind  him.  Before 
long  the  bear  was  left  so  far  behind  that  he  saw  he  might  as 
well  give  up  the  hunt  first  as  last,  so  he  stretched  himself  out 
by  the  roadside  to  rest. 

On  went  Johnny-cake,  and  by  and  by  he  came  to  a  wolf. 
The  wolf  said :  "  Where  ye  going,  Johnny-cake  ?  " 

He  said :  "  I've  outrun  an  old  man,  and  an  old  woman,  and 
a  little  boy,  and  two  well-diggers,  and  two  ditch-diggers,  and 
a  bear,  and  I  can  outrun  you  too-o-o ! " 

"  Ye  can,  can  ye  ?  "  snarled  the  wolf.  "  We'll  see  about 
that !  "  And  he  set  into  a  gallop  after  Johnny-cake,  who  went 
on  and  on  so  fast  that  the  wolf  saw  there  was  no  hope  of 
overtaking  him,  and  he  too  lay  down  to  rest. 

On  went  Johnny-cake,  and  by  and  by  he  came  to  a  fox  that 
lay  quietly  in  a  corner  of  the  fence.  The  fox  called  out  in 
a  sharp  voice,  but  without  getting  up :  "  Where  ye  going, 
Johnny-cake  ?  " 

He  said :  "  I've  outrun  an  old  man,  and  an  old  woman,  and 
a  little  boy,  and  two  well-diggers,  and  two  ditch-diggers,  a 
bear,  and  a  wolf,  and  I  can  outrun  you  too-o-o !  " 

The  Fox  said :  "  I  can't  quite  hear  you,  Johnny-cake.  Won't 
you  come  a  little  closer  ?  "  turning  his  head  a  little  to  one 
side. 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

Johnny-cake  stopped  his  race  for  the  first  time,  and  went 
a  little  closer,  and  called  out  in  a  very  loud  voice :  "  I've  out- 
run an  old  man,  and  an  old  woman,  and  a  little  boy,  and  two 
well-diggers,  and  two  ditch-diggers,  and  a  bear,  and  a  wolf, 
and  I  can  outrun  you  too-o-o!" 

"  Can't  quite  hear  you ;  won't  you  come  a  little  closer  ?  " 
said  the  fox  in  a  feeble  voice,  as  he  stretched  out  his  neck 
toward  Johnny-cake,  and  put  one  paw  behind  his  ear. 

Johnny-cake  came  up  close,  and  leaning  toward  the  fox 
screamed  out :  "  I'VE  OUTRUN  AN  OLD  MAN,  AND  AN  OLD  WOMAN, 

AND  A  LITTLE  BOY,  AND  TWO  WELL-DIGGERS,  AND  TWO  DITCH- 
DIGGERS,  AND  A  BEAR,  AND  A  WOLF,  AND  I  CAN  OUTRUN  YOU 
TOO-O-O !  " 

"  You  can,  can  you  ?  "  yelped  the  fox,  and  he  snapped  up 
the  Johnny-cake  in  his  sharp  teeth  in  the  twinkling  of  an  eye. 


[199] 


The   Wee^    Wee   Mannie 

upon  a  time,  when  all  big  folks  were  wee  ones  and 
all  lies  were  true,  there  was  a  wee,  wee  Mannie  that 
had  a  big,  big  coo.    And  out  he  went  to  milk  her  of  a 
morning,  and  said: 

"Hold  still,  my  coo,  my  hinny, 

Hold  still,  my  hinny,  my  coo, 

And  ye  shall  have  for  your  dinner 

What  but  a  milk  white  doo." 

But  the  big,  big  coo  wouldn't  hold  still.  "  Hout !  "  said  the 
wee,  wee  Mannie: 

"Hold  still,  my  coo,  my  dearie, 
And  fill  my  bucket  wi'  milk, 
And  if  ye'll  be  no  contrairy 
I'll  gi'e  ye  a  gown  o'  silk." 

But  the  big,  big  coo  wouldn't  hold  still.  "  Look  at  that,  now !  " 
said  the  wee,  wee  Mannie : 

"What's  a  wee,  wee  Mannie  to  do, 
Wi'  such  a  big  contrairy  coo?" 

So  off  he  went  to  his  mother  at  the  house.  "  Mither,"  said 
he,  "  coo  won't  stand  still,  and  wee,  wee  Mannie  can't  milk 
big,  big  coo." 

"  Hout !  "  said  his  mother,  "  take  stick  and  beat  coo." 
So  off  he  went  to  get  a  stick  from  the  tree,  and  said : 

"Break,  stick,  break, 
And  I'll  gi'e  ye  a  cake." 
[200] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

But  the  stick  wouldn't  break,  so  back  he  went  to  the  house. 

"  Mither,"  said  he,  "  coo  won't  hold  still,  stick  won't  break, 
wee,  wee  Mannie  can't  beat  big,  big  coo." 

"  Hout !  "  said  his  mother,  "go  to  the  butcher  and  bid  him 
kill  coo." 

So  off  he  went  to  the  butcher,  and  said: 

"Butcher,  kill  the  big,  big  coo, 
She'll  gi'e  us  no  more  milk  noo." 

But  the  butcher  wouldn't  kill  the  coo  without  a  silver  penny, 
so  back  the  Mannie  went  to  the  house.  "  Mither,"  said  he, 
"  coo  won't  hold  still,  stick  won't  break,  butcher  won't  kill 
without  a  silver  penny,  and  wee,  wee  Mannie  can't  milk  big, 
big  coo." 

"  Well,"  said  his  mother,  "  go  to  the  coo  and  tell  her  there's 
a  weary,  weary  lady  with  long  yellow  hair  weeping  for  a  cup 
o'  milk." 

So  off  he  went  and  told  the  coo,  but  she  wouldn't  hold  still, 
so  back  he  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"  Well,"  said  she,  "  tell  the  coo  there's  a  fine,  fine  laddie 
from  the  wars  sitting  by  the  weary,  weary  lady  with  golden 
hair,  and  she  weeping  for  a  sup  o'  milk." 

So  off  he  went  and  told  the  coo,  but  she  wouldn't  hold  still, 
so  back  he  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"Well,"  said  his  mother,  "tell  the  big,  big  coo  there's  a 
sharp,  sharp  sword  at  the  belt  of  the  fine,  fine  laddie  from  the 
wars  who  sits  beside  the  weary,  weary  lady  with  the  golden 
hair,  and  she  weeping  for  a  sup  o'  milk." 

And  he  told  the  big,  big  coo,  but  she  wouldn't  hold  still. 

Then  said  his  mother :  "  Run  quick  and  tell  her  that  her 
head's  going  to  be  cut  off  by  the  sharp,  sharp  sword  in  the 
hands  of  the  fine,  fine  laddie,  if  she  doesn't  give  the  sup  o' 
milk  the  weary,  weary  lady  weeps  for." 

And  wee,  wee  Mannie  went  off  and  told  the  big,  big  coo. 

And  when  coo  saw  the  glint  of  the  sharp,  sharp  sword  in 
the  hand  of  the  fine,  fine  laddie  come  from  the  wars,  and  the 

[201] 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

weary,  weary  lady  weeping  for  a  sup  o'  milk,  she  reckoned 
she'd  better  hold  still;  so  wee,  wee  Mannie  milked  big,  big 
coo,  and  the  weary,  weary  lady  with  the  golden  hair  hushed 
her  weeping  and  got  her  sup  o'  milk,  and  the  fine,  fine  laddie 
new  come  from  the  wars  put  by  his  sharp,  sharp  sword,  and 
all  went  well  that  didn't  go  ill. 


[202] 


Sir   Gammer   Vans 

IT  AST  Sunday  morning  at  six  o'clock  in  the  evening  as 
t  I  was  sailing  over  the  tops  of  the  mountains  in  my 
i  J  little  boat,  I  met  two  men  on  horseback  riding  on  one 
mare :  So  I  asked  them :  "  Could  they  tell  me  whether  the 
little  old  woman  was  dead  yet  who  was  hanged  last  Saturday 
week  for  drowning  herself  in  a  shower  of  feathers  ?  "  They 
said  they  could  not  inform  me  positively,  but  if  I  went  to  Sir 
Gammer  Vans  he  could  tell  me  all  about  it. 

"  But  how  am  I  to  know  the  house  ?  "  said  I. 

"  Ho,  'tis  easy  enough,"  said  they,  "  for  'tis  a  brick  house 
built  entirely  of  flints,  standing  alone  by  itself  in  the  middle 
of  sixty  or  seventy  others  just  like  it." 

"  Oh,  nothing  in  the  world  is  easier,"  said  I. 

"  Nothing  can  be  easier,"  said  they :  so  I  went  on  my  way. 

Now  this  Sir  G.  Vans  was  a  giant,  and  a  bottle-maker. 
And  as  all  giants  who  are  bottle-makers  usually  pop  out  of 
a  little  thumb-bottle  from  behind  the  door,  so  did  Sir  G.  Vans. 

"  How  d'ye  do  ?  "  says  he. 

"  Very  well,  I  thank  you,"  says  I. 

"  Have  some  breakfast  with  me  ?  " 

"  With  all  my  heart,"  says  I. 

So  he  gave  me  a  slice  of  beer,  and  a  cup  of  cold  veal ;  and 
there  was  a  little  dog  under  the  table  that  picked  up  all  the 
crumbs. 

"  Hang  him,"  says  I. 

"  No,  don't  hang  him,"  says  he ;  "  for  he  killed  a  hare  yes- 
terday. And  if  you  don't  believe  me,  I'll  show  you  the  hare 
alive  in  a  basket." 

So  he  took  me  into  his  garden  to  show  me  the  curiosities. 
In  one  corner  there  was  a  fox  hatching  eagle's  eggs;  in  an- 

[203] 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

other  there  was  an  iron  apple-tree,  entirely  covered  with  pears 
and  lead ;  in  the  third  there  was  the  hare  which  the  dog  killed 
yesterday  alive  in  the  basket;  and  in  the  fourth  there  were 
twenty-four  hipper  switches  threshing  tobacco,  and  at  the  sight 
of  me  they  threshed  so  hard  that  they  drove  the  plug  through 
the  wall,  and  through  a  little  dog  that  was  passing  by  on  the 
other  side.  I,  hearing  the  dog  howl,  jumped  over  the  wall ; 
and  turned  it  as  neatly  inside  out  as  possible,  when  it  ran 
away  as  if  it  had  not  an  hour  to  live.  Then  he  took  me  into 
the  park  to  show  me  his  deer ;  and  I  remembered  that  I  had  a 
warrant  in  my  pocket  to  shoot  venison  for  his  majesty's  din- 
ner. So  I  set  fire  to  my  bow,  poised  my  arrow,  and  shot 
among  them.  I  broke  seventeen  ribs  on  one  side,  and  twenty- 
one  and  a  half  on  the  other;  but  my  arrow  passed  clean 
through  without  ever  touching  it,  and  the  worst  was  I  lost 
my  arrow.  However,  I  found  it  again  in  the  hollow  of  a  tree. 
I  felt  it ;  it  felt  clammy.  I  smelt  it ;  it  smelt  honey.  "  Oh, 
ho,"  said  I, "  here's  a  bees'  nest,"  when  out  sprang  a  covey  of 
partridges.  I  shot  at  them;  some  say  I  killed  eighteen;  but 
I  am  sure  I  killed  thirty-six,  besides  a  dead  salmon  which  was 
flying  over  the  bridge,  of  which  I  made  the  best  apple-pie  I 
ever  tasted. 


[  204  ] 


Tom   Tit  Tot 


upon  a  time  there  was  a  woman,  and  she  baked 
five  pies.  And  when  they  came  out  of  the  oven,  they 
were  that  overbaked  the  crusts  were  too  hard  to  eat. 
So  she  says  to  her  daughter: 

"  Darter,"  says  she,  "  put  you  them  there  pies  on  the  shelf, 
and  leave  'em  there  a  little,  and  they'll  come  again."  She 
meant,  you  know,  the  crust  would  get  soft. 

But  the  girl,  she  says  to  herself:  "Well,  if  they'll  come 
again,  I'll  eat  'em  now."  And  she  set  to  work  and  ate  'em  all, 
first  and  last. 

Well,  come  supper-time  the  woman  said  :  "  Go  you,  and 
get  one  o'  them  there  pies.  I  dare  say  they've  come  again 
now." 

The  girl  went  and  she  looked,  and  there  was  nothing  but 
the  dishes.  So  back  she  came,  and  says  she  :  "  Noo,  they  ain't 
come  again." 

"  Not  one  of  'em  ?  "  says  the  mother. 

"  Not  one  of  'em,"  says  she. 

"  Well,  come  again,  or  not  come  again,"  said  the  woman, 
"  I'll  have  one  for  supper." 

"  But  you  can't,  if  they  ain't  come,"  said  the  girl. 

"  But  I  can,"  says  she.  "  Go  you,  and  bring  the  best  of 
'em." 

"  Best  or  worst,"  says  the  girl,  "  I've  ate  'em  all,  and  you 
can't  have  one  till  that's  come  again." 

Well,  the  woman  she  was  done,  and  she  took  her  spinning 
to  the  door  to  spin,  and  as  she  span  she  sang: 

"My  darter  ha'  ate  five,  five  pies  to-day. 
My  darter  ha'  ate  five,  five  pies  to-day." 

[205] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

The  king  was  coming  down  the  street,  and  he  heard  her 
sing,  but  what  she  sang  he  couldn't  make  out,  so  he  stopped 
and  said: 

''What  was  that  you  were  singing,  my  good  woman?" 
The  woman  was  ashamed  to  let  him  hear  what  her  daugh- 
ter had  been  doing,  so  she  sang,  instead  of  that : 

"My  darter  ha'  spun  five,  five  skeins  to-day. 
My  darter  ha'  spun  five,  five  skeins  to-day." 

"  Stars  o'  mine !  "  said  the  king,  "  I  never  heard  tell  of  any 
one  that  could  do  that." 

Then  he  said :  "  Look  you  here,  I  want  a  wife,  and  I'll 
marry  your  daughter.  But  look  you  here,"  says  he,  "  eleven 
months  out  of  the  year  she  shall  have  all  she  likes  to  eat,  and 
all  the  gowns  she  likes  to  get,  and  all  the  company  she  likes 
to  keep;  but  the  last  month  of  the  year  she'll  have  to  spin 
five  skeins  every  day,  and  if  she  don't  I  shall  kill  her." 

"  All  right,"  says  the  woman ;  for  she  thought  what  a  grand 
marriage  that  was.  And  as  for  the  five  skeins,  when  the  time 
came,  there'd  be  plenty  of  ways  of  getting  out  of  it,  and  likeli- 
est, he'd  have  forgotten  all  about  it. 

Well,  so  they  were  married.  And  for  eleven  months  the 
girl  had  all  she  liked  to  eat,  and  all  the  gowns  she  liked  to 
get,  and  all  the  company  she  liked  to  keep. 

But  when  the  time  was  getting  over,  she  began  to  think 
about  the  skeins  and  to  wonder  if  he  had  'em  in  mind.  But 
not  one  word  did  he  say  about  'em,  and  she  thought  he'd 
wholly  forgotten  'em. 

However,  the  last  day  of  the  last  month  he  takes  her  to 
a  room  she'd  never  set  eyes  on  before.  There  was  nothing 
in  it  but  a  spinning-wheel  and  a  stool.  And  says  he :  "  Now, 
my  dear,  here  you'll  be  shut  in  to-morrow  with  some  victuals 
and  some  flax,  and  if  you  haven't  spun  five  skeins  by  the  night, 
your  head'll  go  off." 

And  away  he  went  about  his  business. 

Well,  she  was  that  frightened,  she'd  always  been  such  a 

[206] 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

gatless  girl,  that  she  didn't  so  much  as  know  how  to  spin, 
and  what  was  she  to  do  to-morrow  with  no  one  to  come  nigh 
her  to  help  her?  She  sat  down  on  a  stool  in  the  kitchen,  and 
law,  how  she  did  cry ! 

However,  all  of  a  sudden  she  heard  a  sort  of  a  knocking 
low  down  on  the  door.  She  upped  and  oped  it,  and  what 
should  she  see  but  a  small  little  black  thing  with  a  long  tail, 
that  look  up  at  her  right  curious,  and  that  said: 

"What  are  you  a-crying  for?" 

"  What's  that  to  you  ?  "  says  she. 

"  Never  you  mind,"  that  said,  "  but  tell  me  what  you're 
a-crying  for." 

"  That  won't  do  me  no  good  if  I  do,"  says  she. 

"You  don't  know  that,"  that  said,  and  twirled  that's  tail 
round. 

"  Well,"  says  she,  "  that  won't  do  no  harm,  if  that  don't 
do  no  good,"  and  she  upped  and  told  about  the  pies,  and 
the  skeins,  and  everything. 

"  This  is  what  I'll  do,"  says  the  little  black  thing :  "  I'll  come 
to  your  window  every  morning  and  take  the  flax  and  bring 
it  spun  at  night." 

"  What's  your  pay  ?  "  says  she. 

That  looked  out  of  the  corner  of  that's  eyes,  and  that  said : 
"  I'll  give  you  three  guesses  every  night  to  guess  my  name, 
and  if  you  haven't  guessed  it  before  the  month's  up  you  shall 
be  mine." 

Well,  she  thought  she'd  be  sure  to  guess  that's  name  before 
the  month  was  up.  "  All  right,"  says  she,  "  I  agree." 

"All  right,"  that  says,  and  law!  how  that  twirled  that's 
tail. 

Well,  the  next  day,  her  husband  took  her  into  the  room,  and 
there  was  the  flax  and  the  day's  food. 

"  Now,  there's  the  flax,"  says  he,  "  and  if  that  ain't  spun 
up  this  night,  off  goes  your  head."  And  then  he  went  out 
and  locked  the  door. 

He'd  hardly  gone,  when  there  was  a  knocking  against  the 
window. 

[207] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

She  upped  and  she  oped  it,  and  there  sure  enough  was  the 
little  old  thing  sitting  on  the  ledge. 

"  Where's  the  flax  ?  "  says  he. 

"  Here  it  be,"  says  she.    And  she  gave  it  to  him. 

"  Well,  come  the  evening  a  knocking  came  again  to  the 
window.  She  upped  and  she  oped  it,  and  there  was  the  little 
old  thing  with  five  skeins  of  flax  on  his  arm. 

"  Here  it  be,"  says  he,  and  he  gave  it  to  her. 

"  Now,  what's  my  name  ?  "  says  he. 

"What,  is  that  Bill?"  says  she. 

"  Noo,  that  ain't,"  says  he,  and  he  twirled  his  tail. 

"Is  that  Ned?"  says  she. 

"  Noo,  that  ain't,"  says  he,  and  he  twirled  his  tail. 

"  Well,  is  that  Mark?  "  says  she. 

"  Noo,  that  ain't,"  says  he,  and  he  twirled  his  tail  harder, 
and  away  he  flew. 

Well,  when  her  husband  came  in,  there  were  the  five  skeins 
ready  for  him.  "  I  see  I  sha'n't  have  to  kill  you  to-night,  my 
dear,"  says  he ;  "  you'll  have  your  food  and  your  flax  in  the 
morning,"  says  he,  and  away  he  goes. 

Well,  every  day  the  flax  and  the  food  were  brought,  and 
every  day  that  there  little  black  impet  used  to  come  mornings 
and  evenings.  And  all  the  day  the  girl  sat  trying  to  think  of 
names  to  say  to  it  when  it  came  at  night.  But  she  never  hit 
on  the  right  one.  And  as  it  got  toward  the  end  of  the  month, 
the  impet  began  to  look  so  maliceful,  and  that  twirled  that's 
tail  faster  and  faster  each  time  she  gave  a  guess. 

At  last  it  came  to  the  last  day  but  one.  The  impet  came 
at  night  along  with  the  five  skeins,  and  that  said : 

"  What,  ain't  you  got  my  name  yet  ?  " 

"  Is  that  Nicodemus  ?  "  says  she. 

"  Noo,  'tain't,"  that  says. 

"  Is  that  Sammee  ?  "  says  she. 

"  Noo  'tain't,"  that  says. 

"  A- well,  is  that  Methusalem  ?  "  says  she. 

"  Noo,  'tain't  that  neither,"  that  says. 

Then  that  looks  at  her  with  that's  eyes  like  a  coal  o'  fire, 

[208] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

and  that  says :  "  Woman,  there's  only  to-morrow  night,  and 
then  you'll  be  mine !  "  And  away  it  flew. 

Well,  she  felt  that  horrid.  However,  she  heard  the  king 
coming  along  the  passage.  In  he  came,  and  when  he  sees  the 
five  skeins,  he  says,  says  he: 

"Well,  my  dear,"  says  he,  "I  don't  see  but  what  you'll 
have  your  skeins  ready  to-morrow  night  as  well,  and  as  I 
reckon  I  sha'n't  have  to  kill  you,  I'll  have  supper  in  here  to- 
night." So  they  brought  supper,  and  another  stool  for  him, 
and  down  the  two  sat. 

Well,  he  hadn't  eaten  but  a  mouthful  or  so  when  he  stops 
and  begins  to  laugh. 

"What  is  it?"  says  she. 

"  A-why,"  says  he,  "  I  was  out  a-hunting  to-day,  and  I 
got  away  to  a  place  in  the  wood  I'd  never  seen  before.  And 
there  was  an  old  chalk-pit.  And  I  heard  a  kind  of  a  sort 
of  humming.  So  I  got  off  my  hobby,  and  I  went  right  quiet 
to  the  pit,  and  I  looked  down.  Well,  what  should  there  be 
but  the  funniest  little  black  thing  you  ever  set  eyes  on.  And 
what  was  that  doing,  but  that  had  a  little  spinning-wheel,  and 
that  was  spinning  wonderful  fast,  and  twirling  that's  tail. 
And  as  that  span  that  sang: 

"Nimmy  nimmy  not, 
My  name's  Tom  Tit  Tot." 

Well,  when  the  girl  heard  this,  she  felt  as  if  she  could  have 
jumped  out  of  her  skin  for  joy,  but  she  didn't  say  a  word. 

Next  day  that  there  little  thing  looked  so  maliceful  when  he 
came  for  the  flax.  And  when  night  came,  she  heard  that 
knocking  against  the  window-panes.  She  oped  the  window, 
and  that  come  right  in  on  the  ledge.  That  was  grinning  from 
ear  to  ear,  and  Oo !  that's  tail  was  twirling  round  so  fast. 

"  What's  my  name  ?  "  that  says,  as  that  gave  her  the  skeins. 

"  Is  that  Solomon  ?  "  she  says,  pretending  to  be  afeard. 

"  Noo,  'tain't,"  that  says,  and  that  came  farther  into  the 
room. 

[209] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"Well,  is  that  Zebedee?"  says  she  again. 

"  Noo,  'tain't,"  says  the  impet.  And  then  that  laughed  and 
twirled  that's  tail  till  you  couldn't  hardly  see  it. 

"  Take  time,  woman,"  that  says ;  "  next  guess,  and  you're 
mine."  And  that  stretched  out  that's  black  hands  at  her. 

Well,  she  backed  a  step  or  two,  and  she  looked  at  it,  and 
then  she  laughed  out,  and  says  she,  pointing  her  ringer  at  it: 

"Nimmy  nimmy  not, 
Your  name's  Tom  Tit  Tot." 

Well,  when  that  heard  her,  that  gave  an  awful  shriek,  and 
away  that  flew  into  the  dark,  and  she  never  saw  it  any  more. 


[210] 


The  Old  Woman  and  her  Pig 

X^VNCE  upon  a  time  an  old  woman  was  sweeping  her 
t  i  little  house,  when,  to  her  great  joy,  she  found  a  silver 
^-^  sixpence. 

"What,"  said  she,  "shall  I  do  with  this  little  sixpence?  I 
think  I  will  go  to  market  and  buy  a  pig."  So  the  next  day 
she  went  to  market  and  bought  a  nice  little  white  pig.  She 
tied  a  string  to  one  of  the  pig's  legs  and  began  to  drive  him 
home. 

On  the  way  the  old  woman  and  her  pig  came  to  a  stile,  and 
she  said: 

"Please,  pig,  get  over  the  stile." 
But  the  pig  would  not. 

Just  then  a  little  dog  came  trotting  up,  and  the  old  woman 
said  to  him : 

"Dog,  dog,  bite  pig; 
Pig  won't  get  over  the  stile, 
And  I  sha'n't  get  home  to-night." 
But  the  dog  would  not. 

So  the  old  woman  held  up  her  stick,  and  said: 

"Stick,  stick,  beat  dog; 
Dog  won't  bite  pig; 
Pig  won't  get  over  the  stile, 
And  I  sha'n't  get  home  to-night." 
But  the  stick  would  not. 

So  the  old  woman  gathered  some  bits  of  wood  together  to 
make  a  fire,  and  set  them  on  fire,  and  then  threw  her  stick 
into  the  fire  and  said : 

[211] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"Fire,  fire,  burn  stick; 
Stick  won't  beat  dog; 
Dog  won't  bite  pig; 
Pig  won't  get  over  the  stile, 
And  I  sha'n't  get  home  to-night." 
But  the  fire  would  not. 


So  the  old  woman  fetched  a  pail  of  water  that  was  stand- 
ing near  and  said: 


"Water,  water,  quench  fire; 
Fire  won't  burn  stick; 
Stick  won't  beat  dog; 
Dog  won't  bite  pig; 
Pig  won't  get  over  the  stile, 
And  I  sha'n't  get  home  to-night." 
But  the  water  would  not. 


Then  the  old  woman  saw  an  ox  coming;  so  she  said 


"Ox,  ox,  drink  water; 
Water  won't  quench  fire; 
Fire  won't  burn  stick; 
Stick  won't  beat  dog; 
Dog  won't  bite  pig; 
Pig  won't  go; 
I  see  by  the  moonlight 
It's  long  past  midnight; 
Time  pig  and  I  were  home  an  hour 

and  a  half  ago." 
But  the  ox  would  not. 


So  the  old  woman  turned  around  and  saw  a  butcher,  and 
she  said: 

"Butcher,  butcher,  kill  ox; 
Ox  won't  drink  water; 
Water  won't  quench  fire; 
Fire  won't  burn  stick; 
Stick  won't  beat  dog; 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

Dog  won't  bite  pig; 

Pig  won't  go. 

I  see  by  the  moonlight 

It's  long  past  midnight ; 

Time  pig  and  I  were  home  an  hour 

and  a  half  ago." 
But  the  butcher  would  not. 

So  the  old  woman  took  a  rope  out  of  her  pocket,  and  said : 

"Rope,  rope,  hang  butcher; 
Butcher  won't  kill  ox; 
Ox  won't  drink  water; 
Water  won't  quench  fire; 
Fire  won't  burn  stick; 
Stick  won't  beat  dog; 
Dog  won't  bite  pig; 
Pig  won't  go. 
I  see  by  the  moonlight 
It's  long  past  midnight; 
Time  pig  and  I  were  home  an  hour 

and  a  half  ago." 
But  the  rope  would  not. 

Just  then  a  large  brown  mouse  ran  across  the  meadow,  and 
she  said: 

"Mouse,  mouse,  gnaw  rope; 

Rope  won't  hang  butcher; 

Butcher  won't  kill  ox; 

Ox  won't  drink  water; 

Water  won't  quench  fire; 

Fire  won't  burn  stick; 

Stick  won't  beat  dog; 

Dog  won't  bite  pig; 

Pig  won't  go. 

I  see  by  the  moonlight 

It's  long  past  midnight; 

Time  pig  and  I  were  home  an  hour 

and  a  half  ago." 

*' Yes,"  said  the  mouse,  "I  will,  if  you  will 
give  me  some  cheese/ 

[213] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

So  the  old  woman  put  her  hand  in  her  pocket  and  found 
a  nice  piece  of  cheese ;  and  when  the  mouse  had  eaten  it : 

The  mouse  began  to  gnaw  the  rope, 
The  rope  began  to  hang  the  butcher, 
The  butcher  began  to  kill  the  ox, 
The  ox  began  to  drink  the  water, 
The  water  began  to  quench  the  fire, 
The  fire  began  to  burn  the  stick, 
The  stick  began  to  beat  the  dog, 
The  dog  began  to  bite  the  pig, 
And  the  pig  began  to  go. 

But  what  time  the  old  woman  and  her  pig  got  home,  you, 
nor  I,  nor  nobody  knows. 


214] 


The  Story  of  the   Three  Little  Pigs 

, 

^^P^HERE  was  once  an  old   sow  with  three  little  pigs, 
i         and  as  she  had  not  enough  to  keep  them,  she  sent 

JL  them  out  to  seek  their  fortune.    The  first  that  went 

off  met  a  man  with  a  bundle  of  straw,  and  said  to  him: 
"  Please,  man,  give  me  that  straw  to  build  me  a  house." 
Which  the  man  did,  and  the  little  pig  built  a  house  with  it. 

Presently  came  along  a  wolf,  and  knocked  at  the  door,  and 

said: 

"  Little  pig,  little  pig,  let  me  come  in." 

To  which  the  pig  answered: 

"  No,  no,  by  the  hair  of  my  chiny  chin  chin." 

The  wolf  then  answered  to  that: 

"  Then  I'll  huff,  and  I'll  puff,  and  I'll  blow  your  house  in." 

So  he  huffed,  and  he  puffed,  and  he  blew  the  house  in,  and 

ate  up  the  little  pig. 

The  second  little  pig  met  a  man  with  a  bundle  of  furze 

and  said: 

"  Please,  man,  give  me  that  furze  to  build  a  house." 
Which  the  man  did,  and  the  pig  built  his  house.     Then 

along  came  the  wolf,  and  said : 

"  Little  pig,  little  pig,  let  me  come  in." 

"  No,  no,  by  the  hair  of  my  chiny  chin  chin." 

"  Then  I'll  huff,  and  I'll  puff,  and  I'll  blow  your  house  in." 

So  he  huffed,  and  he  puffed,  and  he  puffed,  and  he  huffed, 

and  at  last  he  blew  the  house  down,  and  he  ate  up  the  little 

pig- 

The  third  little  pig  met  a  man  with  a  load  of  bricks,  and 
said: 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  Please,  man,  give  me  those  bricks  to  build  a  house  with." 

So  the  man  gave  him  the  bricks,  and  he  built  his  house  with 
them.  Then  the  wolf  came,  as  he  did  to  the  other  little  pigs, 
and  said: 

"  Little  pig,  little  pig,  let  me  come  in." 

"  No,  no,  by  the  hair  on  my  chiny  chin  chin." 

"  Then  I'll  huff,  and  I'll  puff,  and  I'll  blow  your  house  in." 

Well,  he  huffed,  and  he  puffed,  and  he  huffed  and  he  puffed, 
and  he  puffed  and  he  huffed ;  but  he  could  not  get  the  house 
down.  When  he  found  that  he  could  not,  with  all  his  huffing 
and  puffing,  blow  the  house  down,  he  said: 

"  Little  pig,  I  know  where  there  is  a  nice  field  of  turnips." 

"  Where?  "  said  the  little  pig. 

"  Oh,  in  Mr.  Smith's  home  field,  and  if  you  will  be  ready 
to-morrow  morning  I  will  call  for  you,  and  we  will  go  to- 
gether, and  get  some  for  dinner." 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  little  pig,  "  I  will  be  ready.  What 
time  do  you  mean  to  go  ?  " 

"  Oh,  at  six  o'clock." 

Well,  the  little  pig  got  up  at  five,  and  got  the  turnips  before 
the  wolf  came  (which  he  did  about  six),  when  he  said: 

"  Little  pig,  are  you  ready  ?  " 

The  little  pig  said :  "  Ready !  I  have  been  there  and  come 
back  again,  and  got  a  nice  potful  for  dinner." 

The  wolf  felt  very  angry  at  this,  but  thought  that  he  would 
be  even  with  the  little  pig  somehow  or  other,  so  he  said : 

"  Little  pig,  I  know  where  there  is  a  nice  apple-tree." 

"Where?"  said  the  pig. 

"  Down  at  Merry-garden,"  replied  the  wolf,  "  and  if  you 
will  not  deceive  me  I  will  come  for  you  at  five  o'clock  to-mor- 
row and  get  some  apples." 

Well,  the  little  pig  bustled  up  the  next  morning  at  four 
o'clock,  and  went  off  for  the  apples,  hoping  to  get  back  be- 
fore the  wolf  came ;  but  he  had  farther  to  go,  and  had  to  climb 
the  tree,  so  that  just  as  he  was  scrambling  down  from  it,  he 
saw  the  wolf  coming,  which,  as  you  may  suppose,  frightened 
him  very  much.  When  the  wolf  came  up  he  said: 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  Little  pig,  what !  are  you  here  before  me  ?  Are  they  nice 
apples?" 

"  Yes,  very,"  said  the  little  pig.  "  I  will  throw  you  down 
one." 

And  he  threw  it  so  far  that,  while  the  wolf  was  gone  to 
pick  it  up,  the  little  pig  jumped  down  and  ran  home.  The 
next  day  the  wolf  came  again,  and  said  to  the  little  pig: 

"  Little  pig,  there  is  a  fair  at  Shanklin  this  afternoon.  Will 
you  go  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,"  said  the  pig,  "  I  will  go ;  what  time  shall  you 
be  ready?" 

"  At  three,"  said  the  wolf.  So  the  little  pig  went  off  before 
the  time,  as  usual,  and  got  to  the  fair,  and  bought  a  butter- 
churn,  which  he  was  going  home  with  when  he  saw  the  wolf 
coming.  Then  he  could  not  tell  what  to  do.  So  he  got  into 
the  churn  to  hide,  and  by  so  doing  it  turned  round,  and  rolled 
down  the  hill  with  him  inside,  which  frightened  the  wolf  so 
much  that  he  ran  home  without  going  to  the  fair.  He  went 
to  the  little  pig's  house,  and  told  him  how  frightened  he  had 
been  by  a  great  round  thing  which  came  down  the  hill  past 
him.  Then  the  little  pig  said: 

"  Hah,  I  frightened  you  then.  I  had  been  to  the  fair  and 
bought  a  butter-churn,  and  when  I  saw  you,  I  got  into  it,  and 
rolled  down  the  hill." 

Then  the  wolf  was  very  angry  indeed,  and  declared  he 
would  eat  up  the  little  pig,  and  that  he  would  get  down  the 
chimney  after  him.  When  the  little  pig  saw  what  he  was 
about,  he  hung  on  the  pot  full  of  water,  and  made  up  a  blaz- 
ing fire,  and,  just  as  the  wolf  was  coming  down,  took  off  the 
cover,  and  in  fell  the  wolf ;  so  the  little  pig  put  on  the  cover 
again  in  an  instant,  boiled  him  up,  and  ate  him  for  supper,  and 
lived  happy  ever  afterward. 


[217] 


The  Three  Sillies 


X^\NCE  upon  a  time  there  was  a  farmer  and  his  wife  who 
i  i  had  one  daughter,  and  she  was  courted  by  a  gentleman. 
^-^  Every  evening  he  used  to  come  and  see  her,  and  stop 
to  supper  at  the  farmhouse,  and  the  daughter  used  to  be  sent 
down  into  the  cellar  to  draw  the  beer  for  supper.  So  one 
evening  she  had  gone  down  to  draw  the  beer,  and  she  hap- 
pened to  look  up  at  the  ceiling  while  she  was  drawing,  and 
she  saw  a  mallet  stuck  in  one  of  the  beams.  It  must  have 
been  there  a  long,  long  time,  but  somehow  or  other  she  had 
never  noticed  it  before,  and  she  began  a-thinking.  And  she 
thought  it  was  very  dangerous  to  have  that  mallet  there, 
for  she  said  to  herself  :  "  Suppose  him  and  me  was  to  be  mar- 
ried, and  we  was  to  have  a  son,  and  he  was  to  grow  up  to  be 
a  man,  and  come  down  into  the  cellar  to  draw  the  beer,  like  as 
I'm  doing  now,  and  the  mallet  was  to  fall  on  his  head  and  kill 
him,  what  a  dreadful  thing  it  would  be  !  "  And  she  put  down 
the  candle  and  the  jug,  and  sat  herself  down  and  began 
a-crying. 

Well,  they  began  to  wonder  up-stairs  how  it  was  that  she 
was  so  long  drawing  the  beer,  and  her  mother  went  down  to 
see  after  her,  and  she  found  her  sitting  on  the  settle  crying, 
and  the  beer  running  over  the  floor.  "  Why,  whatever  is  the 
matter  ?  "  said  her  mother.  "  Oh,  mother  !  "  says  she,  "  look 
at  that  horrid  mallet!  Suppose  we  was  to  be  married,  and 
was  to  have  a  son,  and  he  was  to  grow  up,  and  was  to  come 
down  to  the  cellar  to  draw  the  beer,  and  the  mallet  was  to  fall 
on  his  head  and  kill  him,  what  a  dreadful  thing  it  would  be  !  " 
"  Dear,  dear  !  what  a  dreadful  thing  it  would  be  !  "  said  the 
mother,  and  she  sat  her  down  aside  of  the  daughter  and 
started  a-crying  too.  Then  after  a  bit  the  father  began  to 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

wonder  that  they  didn't  come  back,  and  he  went  down  into 
the  cellar  to  look  after  them  himself,  and  there  they  two  sat 
a-crying,  and  the  beer  running  all  over  the  floor.  "  What- 
ever is  the  matter  ?  "  says  he.  "  Why,"  says  the  mother,  "  look 
at  that  horrid  mallet.  Just  suppose,  if  our  daughter  and  her 
sweetheart  was  to  be  married,  and  was  to  have  a  son,  and 
he  was  to  grow  up,  and  was  to  come  down  into  the  cellar  to 
draw  the  beer,  and  the  mallet  was  to  fall  on  his  head  and 
kill  him,  what  a  dreadful  thing  it  would  be ! "  "  Dear,  dear, 
dear !  so  it  would !  "  said  the  father,  and  he  sat  himself  down 
aside  of  the  other  two,  and  started  a-crying. 

Now  the  gentleman  got  tired  of  stopping  up  in  the  kitchen 
by  himself,  and  at  last  he  went  down  into  the  cellar  too,  to 
see  what  they  were  after ;  and  there  they  three  sat  a-crying 
side  by  side,  and  the  beer  running  all  over  the  floor.  And  he 
ran  straight  and  turned  the  tap.  Then  he  said :  "  Whatever 
are  you  three  doing,  sitting  there  crying,  and  letting  the  beer 
run  all  over  the  floor?"  "Oh!"  says  the  father,  "look  at 
that  horrid  mallet !  Suppose  you  and  our  daughter  was  to  be 
married,  and  was  to  have  a  son,  and  he  was  to  grow  up,  and 
was  to  come  down  into  the  cellar  to  draw  the  beer,  and  the 
mallet  was  to  fall  on  his  head  and  kill  him !  "  And  then  they  all 
started  a-crying  worse  than  before.  But  the  gentleman  burst 
out  a-laughing,  and  reached  up  and  pulled  out  the  mallet,  and 
then  he  said :  "  I've  traveled  many  miles,  and  I  never  met  three 
such  big  sillies  as  you  three  before ;  and  now  I  shall  start  out 
on  my  travels  again,  and  when  I  can  find  three  bigger  sillies 
than  you  three,  then  I'll  come  back  and  marry  your  daughter." 
So  he  wished  them  good-by  and  started  off  on  his  travels, 
and  left  them  all  crying  because  the  girl  had  lost  her  sweet- 
heart. 

Well,  he  set  out,  and  he  traveled  a  long  way,  and  at  last 
he  came  to  a  woman's  cottage  that  had  some  grass  growing  on 
the  roof.  And  the  woman  was  trying  to  get  her  cow  to  go 
up  a  ladder  to  the  grass,  and  the  poor  thing  durst  not  go.  So 
the  gentleman  asked  the  woman  what  she  was  doing.  "  Why, 
lookye,"  she  said,  "  look  at  all  that  beautiful  grass.  I'm  going 

[219] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

to  get  the  cow  on  to  the  roof  to  eat  it.  She'll  be  quite  safe, 
for  I  shall  tie  a  string  round  her  neck,  and  pass  it  down  the 
chimney,  and  tie  it  to  my  wrist  as  I  go  about  the  house,  so 
she  can't  fall  off  without  my  knowing  it."  "  Oh,  you  poor 
silly !  "  said  the  gentleman,  "  you  should  cut  the  grass  and 
throw  it  down  to  the  cow ! "  But  the  woman  thought  it  was 
easier  to  get  the  cow  up  the  ladder  than  to  get  the  grass  down, 
so  she  pushed  her  and  coaxed  her  and  got  her  up,  and  tied 
a  string  round  her  neck,  and  passed  it  down  the  chimney,  and 
fastened  it  to  her  own  wrist.  And  the  gentleman  went  on  his 
way,  but  he  hadn't  gone  far  when  the  cow  tumbled  off  the 
roof,  and  hung  by  the  string  tied  round  her  neck,  and  it 
strangled  her.  And  the  weight  of  the  cow  tied  to  her  wrist 
pulled  the  woman  up  the  chimney,  and  she  stuck  fast  half- 
way and  was  smothered  in  the  soot. 

Well,  that  was  one  big  silly. 

And  the  gentleman  went  on  and  on,  and  he  went  to  an  inn 
to  stop  the  night,  and  they  were  so  full  at  the  inn  that  they 
had  to  put  him  in  a  double-bedded  room,  and  another  traveler 
was  to  sleep  in  the  other  bed.  The  other  man  was  a  very 
pleasant  fellow,  and  they  got  very  friendly  together;  but  in 
the  morning,  when  they  were  both  getting  up,  the  gentleman 
was  surprised  to  see  the  other  hang  his  trousers  on  the  knobs 
of  the  chest  of  drawers  and  run  across  the  room  and  try  to 
jump  into  them,  and  he  tried  over  and  over  again,  and  couldn't 
manage  it ;  and  the  gentleman  wondered  whatever  he  was 
doing  it  for.  At  last  he  stopped  and  wiped  his  face  with  his 
handkerchief.  "  Oh,  dear,"  he  says,  "  I  do  think  trousers  are 
the  most  awkwardest  kind  of  clothes  that  ever  were.  I  can't 
think  who  could  have  invented  such  things.  It  takes  me  the 
best  part  of  an  hour  to  get  into  mine  every  morning,  and  I 
get  so  hot !  How  do  you  manage  yours  ?  "  So  the  gentleman 
burst  out  a-laughing,  and  showed  him  how  to  put  them  on; 
and  he  was  very  much  obliged  to  him,  and  said  he  never 
should  have  thought  of  doing  it  that  way. 

So  that  was  another  big  silly. 

Then  the  gentleman  went  on  his  travels  again ;  and  he  came 

[220] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

to  a  village,  and  outside  the  village  there  was  a  pond,  and 
round  the  pond  was  a  crowd  of  people.  And  they  had  got 
rakes,  and  brooms,  and  pitchforks,  reaching  into  the  pond; 
and  the  gentleman  asked  what  was  the  matter.  "  Why,"  they 
said,  "matter  enough!  Moon's  tumbled  into  the  pond,  and 
we  can't  rake  her  out  anyhow !  "  So  the  gentleman  burst  out 
a-laughing,  and  told  them  to  look  up  into  the  sky,  and  that 
it  was  only  the  shadow  in  the  water.  But  they  wouldn't  lis- 
ten to  him,  and  abused  him  shamefully,  and  he  got  away  as 
quick  as  he  could. 

So  there  was  a  whole  lot  of  sillies  bigger  than  those  three 
sillies  at  home.  So  the  gentleman  turned  back  home  again 
and  married  the  farmer's  daughter,  and  if  they  didn't  live 
happy  forever  after,  that's  nothing  to  do  with  you  or  me. 


[221] 


The  Cat  and  the  Mouse 


The  Cat  and  the  Mouse 
Played  in  the  malt-house. 
The  Cat  bit  the  Mouse's  tail  off. 

RAY,  puss,"  said  the  Mouse,  "give  me  my  long  tail 
again." 

"  No,"  said  the  Cat,  "  I'll  not  give  you  your  tail 
again  till  you  go  to  the  cow  and  fetch  me  some  milk." 

First  she  leaped,  and  then  she  ran, 

Till  she  came  to  the  cow,  and  thus  began: 

"  Pray,  cow,  give  me  some  milk  that  I  may  give  to  the  Cat, 
so  she  may  give  me  my  long  tail  again." 

"  No,"  said  the  cow,  "  I  will  give  you  no  milk  till  you  go 
to  the  farmer  and  get  me  some  hay." 

First  she  leaped,  and  then  she  ran, 

Till  she  came  to  the  farmer,  and  thus  began: 

"  Pray,  farmer,  give  me  some  hay  that  I  may  give  to  the 
cow,  so  she  may  give  me  some  milk  that  I  may  give  to  the 
Cat,  so  she  may  give  me  my  long  tail  again." 

"  No,"  says  the  farmer,  "  I'll  give  you  no  hay  till  you  go  to 
the  butcher  and  fetch  me  some  meat." 

First  she  leaped,  and  then  she  ran, 

Till  she  came  to  the  butcher,  and  thus  began: 

"  Pray  butcher,  give  me  some  meat  that  I  may  give  to  the 
farmer,  so  he  may  give  me  some  hay  that  I  may  give  to 
the  cow,  so  she  may  give  me  some  milk  that  I  may  give  to 
the  Cat,  so  she  may  give  me  my  long  tail  again." 

[  222  ] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  No,"  said  the  butcher,  "  I'll  give  you  no  meat  till  you  go 
to  the  baker  and  fetch  me  some  bread." 

First  she  leaped,  and  then  she  ran, 

Till  she  came  to  the  baker,  and  thus  began: 

"  Pray,  baker,  give  me  some  bread  that  I  may  give  to  the 
butcher,  so  he  may  give  me  some  meat  that  I  may  give  to 
the  farmer,  so  he  may  give  me  some  hay  that  I  may  give 
to  the  cow,  so  she  may  give  me  some  milk  that  I  may  give 
to  the  Cat,  so  she  may  give  me  my  long  tail  again." 

"Yes,"  said  the  baker,  "I'll  give  you  some  bread, 
But  if  you  eat  my  meal,  I'll  cut  off  your  head." 

The  baker  gave  the  Mouse  bread,  which  she  brought  to  the 
butcher ;  the  butcher  gave  the  Mouse  meat,  which  she  brought 
to  the  farmer;  the  farmer  gave  the  Mouse  hay,  which  she 
brought  to  the  cow;  the  cow  gave  the  Mouse  milk,  which 
she  brought  to  the  Cat;  and  the  Cat  gave  to  the  Mouse  her 
long  tail  again. 


223] 


Hereafterthis 


NCE  upon  a  time  there  was  fc  farmer  called  Jan,  and  he 
lived  all  alone  by  himself  in  a  little  farmhouse. 

By  and  by  he  thought  that  he  would  like  to  have  a 
wife  to  keep  it  all  vitty  for  him. 

So  he  went  a-courting  a  fine  maid,  and  he  said  to  her: 
"  Will  you  marry  me  ?  " 

"  That  I  will,  to  be  sure,"  said  she. 

So  they  went  to  church  and  were  wed.  After  the  wedding 
was  over,  she  got  up  on  his  horse  behind  him,  and  he  brought 
her  home.  And  they  lived  as  happy  as  the  day  was  long. 

One  day  Jan  said  to  his  wife :  "  Wife,  can  you  milk-y  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,  Jan,  I  can  milk-y.  Mother  used  to  milk-y  when 
I  lived  home." 

So  he  went  to  market  and  bought  her  ten  red  cows.  All 
went  well  till  one  day  when  she  had  driven  them  to  the  pond 
to  drink,  she  thought  they  did  not  drink  fast  enough.  So  she 
drove  them  right  into  the  pond  to  make  them  drink  faster, 
and  they  were  all  drowned. 

When  Jan  came  home  she  up  and  told  him  what  she  had 
done,  and  he  said :  "  Oh,  well,  there,  never  mind,  my  dear ; 
better  luck  next  time." 

So  they  went  on  for  a  bit,  and  then  one  day  Jan  said  to 
his  wife:  "Wife,  can  you  serve  pigs?" 

"  Oh,  yes,  Jan,  I  can  serve  pigs.  Mother  used  to  serve 
pigs  when  I  lived  home." 

So  Jan  went  to  market  and  bought  her  some  pigs.  All  went 
well  till  one  day,  when  she  had  put  their  food  into  the  trough, 
she  thought  they  did  not  eat  fast  enough,  and  she  pushed  their 
heads  into  the  trough  to  make  them  eat  faster,  and  they  were 
all  choked. 

[224] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

When  Jan  came  home  she  up  and  told  him  what  she  had 
done,  and  he  said :  "  Oh,  well,  there,  never  mind,  my  dear ; 
better  luck  next  time." 

So  they  went  on  for  a  bit,  and  then  one  day  Jan  said  to 
his  wife:  "Wife,  can  you  bake-y?" 

"  Oh,  yes,  Jan,  I  can  bake-y.  Mother  used  to  bake-y  when 
I  lived  home." 

So  he  bought  everything  for  his  wife  so  that  she  could  bake 
bread.  All  went  well  for  a  bit,  till  one  day  she  thought  she 
would  bake  white  bread  for  a  treat  for  Jan.  So  she  carried 
her  meal  to  the  top  of  a  high  hill,  and  let  the  wind  blow  on 
it,  for  she  thought  to  herself  that  the  wind  would  blow  out 
all  the  bran.  But  the  wind  blew  away  meal  and  bran  and  all 
— so  there  was  an  end  of  it. 

When  Jan  came  home,  she  up  and  told  him  what  she  had 
done,  and  he  said :  "  Oh,  well,  there,  never  mind,  my  dear ; 
better  luck  next  time." 

So  they  went  on  for  a  bit,  and  then  one  day  Jan  said  to 
his  wife :  "  Wife,  can  you  brew-y  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,  Jan,  I  can  brew-y.  Mother  used  to  brew-y  when 
I  lived  home." 

So  he  bought  everything  proper  for  his  wife  to  brew  ale 
with.  All  went  well  for  a  bit,  till  one  day  when  she  had 
brewed  her  ale  and  put  it  in  the  barrel,  a  big  black  dog  came 
in  and  looked  up  in  her  face.  She  drove  him  out  of  the  house, 
but  he  stayed  outside  the  door  and  still  looked  up  in  her  face. 
And  she  got  so  angry  that  she  pulled  out  the  plug  of  the  bar- 
rel, threw  it  at  the  dog,  and  said :  "  What  dost  look  at  me 
for?  I  be  Jan's  wife."  Then  the  dog  ran  down  the  road,  and 
she  ran  after  him  to  chase  him  right  away.  When  she  came 
back  again,  she  found  that  the  ale  had  all  run  out  of  the  bar- 
rel, and  so  there  was  an  end  of  it. 

When  Jan  came  home,  she  up  and  told  him  what  she  had 
done,  and  he  said :  "  Oh,  well,  there,  never  mind,  my  dear ; 
better  luck  next  time." 

So  they  went  on  for  a  bit,  and  then  one  day  she  thought 
to  herself,  "  Tis  time  to  clean  up  my  house."  When  she  was 

[225] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

taking  down  her  big  bed  she  found  a  bag  of  groats  on  the 
tester.  So  when  Jan  came  home,  she  up  and  said  to  him: 
"  Jan,  what  is  that  bag  of  groats  on  the  tester  for  ?  " 

"  That  is  for  Hereafterthis,  my  dear." 

Now,  there  was  a  robber  outside  the  window,  and  he  heard 
what  Jan  said.  Next  day,  he  waited  till  Jan  had  gone  to 
market,  and  then  he  came  and  knocked  at  the  door.  "  What 
do  you  please  to  want  ?  "  said  Mally. 

"  I  am  Hereafterthis,"  said  the  robber.  "  I  have  come  for 
the  bag  of  groats." 

Now  the  robber  was  dressed  like  a  fine  gentleman,  so  she 
thought  to  herself  it  was  very  kind  of  so  fine  a  man  to  come 
for  the  bag  of  groats,  so  she  ran  up-stairs  and  fetched  the 
bag  of  groats,  and  gave  it  to  the  robber  and  he  went  away 
with  it. 

When  Jan  came  home  she  said  to  him :  "  Jan,  Hereafterthis 
has  been  for  the  bag  of  groats." 

"  What  do  you  mean,  wife  ?  "  said  Jan. 

So  she  up  and  told  him,  and  he  said :  "  Then  I'm  a  ruined 
man,  for  that  money  was  to  pay  our  rent  with.  The  only 
thing  we  can  do  is  to  roam  the  world  over  till  we  find  the 
bag  of  groats."  Then  Jan  took  the  house-door  off  its  hinges, 
"  That's  all  we  shall  have  to  lie  on,"  he  said.  So  Jan  put  the 
door  on  his  back,  and  they  both  set  out  to  look  for  Hereafter- 
this. Many  a  long  day  they  went,  and  in  the  night  Jan  used 
to  put  the  door  on  the  branches  of  a  tree,  and  they  would 
sleep  on  it.  One  night  they  came  to  a  big  hill,  and  there  was 
a  high  tree  at  the  foot.  So  Jan  put  the  door  up  in  it,  and 
they  got  up  in  the  tree  and  went  to  sleep.  By  and  by  Jan's 
wife  heard  a  noise,  and  she  looked  to  see  what  it  was.  It  was 
an  opening  of  a  door  in  the  side  of  the  hill.  Out  came  two 
gentlemen  with  a  long  table,  and  behind  them  fine  ladies  and 
lords,  each  carrying  a  bag,  and  one  of  them  was  Hereafter- 
this with  the  bag  of  groats.  They  sat  round  the  table,  and 
began  to  drink  and  talk  and  count  up  all  the  money  in  the 
bags.  So  then  Jan's  wife  woke  him  up,  and  asked  what  they 
should  do. 

[226] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  Now's  our  time,"  said  Jan,  and  he  pushed  the  door  off 
the  branches,  and  it  fell  right  in  the  very  middle  of  the  table, 
and  frightened  the  robbers  so  that  they  all  ran  away.  Then 
Jan  and  his  wife  got  down  from  the  tree,  took  as  many  money- 
bags as  they  could  carry  on  the  door,  and  went  straight  home. 
And  Jan  bought  his  wife  more  cows,  and  more  pigs,  and  they 
lived  happy  ever  after. 


[227] 


Titty  Mouse  and  Tatty  Mouse 

riTTY   MOUSE   and   Tatty   Mouse   both  lived   in   a 
house, 
Titty  Mouse  went  a-leasing  and  Tatty  Mouse  went 
a-leasing, 

So  they  both  went  a-leasing. 
Titty  Mouse  leased  an  ear  of  corn,  and  Tatty  Mouse  leased 

an  ear  of  corn, 

So  they  both  leased  an  ear  of  corn. 

Titty  Mouse  made  a  pudding,  and  Tatty  Mouse  made  a  pud- 
ding, 

So  they  both  made  a  pudding. 

And  Tatty  Mouse  put  her  pudding  into  the  pot  to  boil, 
But  when  Titty  went  to  put  hers  in,  the  pot  tumbled  over, 

and  scalded  her  to  death. 

Then  Tatty  sat  down  and  wept,  and  a  three-legged  stool 
said:  "  Tatty,  why  do  you  weep?"  "Titty's  dead,"  said 
Tatty,  "  and  so  I  weep."  "  Then,"  said  the  stool,  "  I'll  hop." 
So  the  stool  hopped. 

Then  a  broom  in  the  corner  of  the  room  said :  "  Stool,  why 
do  you  hop?"  "Oh!"  said  the  stool,  "Titty's  dead,  and 
Tatty  weeps,  and  so  I  hop."  "  Then,"  said  the  broom,  "  I'll 
sweep."  So  the  broom  began  to  sweep. 

"  Then,"  said  the  door,  "  Broom,  why  do  you  sweep  ? " 
"  Oh !  "  said  the  broom,  "  Titty's  dead,  and  Tatty  weeps,  and 
the  stool  hops,  and  so  I  sweep."  "  Then,"  said  the  door,  "  I'll 
jar."  So  the  door  jarred. 

"  Then,"  said  the  window,  "  Door,  why  do  you  jar  ? " 
"  Oh !  "  said  the  door,  "  Titty's  dead,  and  Tatty  weeps,  and 
the  stool  hops,  and  the  broom  sweeps,  and  so  I  jar." 

"  Then,"  said  the  window,  "  I'll  creak."     So  the  window 

[228] 


TALES   OF   LAUGHTER 

creaked.  Now  there  was  an  old  form  outside  the  house,  and 
when  the  window  creaked,  the  form  said :  "  Window,  why  do 
you  creak?"  "Oh!"  said  the  window,  "Titty's  dead,  and 
Tatty  weeps,  and  the  stool  hops,  and  the  broom  sweeps,  the 
door  jars,  and  so  I  creak." 

"Then,"  said  the  old  form,  "I'll  run  round  the  house." 
Then  the  old  form  ran  round  the  house.  Now  there  was  a 
fine  large  walnut-tree  growing  by  the  cottage,  and  the  tree 
said  to  the  form :  "  Form,  why  do  you  run  round  the  house?  " 
"  Oh ! "  said  the  form,  "  Titty's  dead,  and  Tatty  weeps,  and 
the  stool  hops,  and  the  broom  sweeps,  the  door  jars,  and  the 
window  creaks,  and  so  I  run  round  the  house." 

"  Then,"  said  the  walnut-tree,  "  I'll  shed  my  leaves."  So  the 
walnut-tree  shed  all  its  beautiful  green  leaves.  Now  there 
was  a  little  bird  perched  on  one  of  the  boughs  of  the  tree, 
and  when  all  the  leaves  fell,  it  said :  "  Walnut-tree,  why  do 
you  shed  your  leaves  ?  "  "  Oh !  "  said  the  tree,  "  Titty's  dead, 
and  Tatty  weeps,  the  stool  hops,  and  the  broom  sweeps,  the 
door  jars,  and  the  window  creaks,  the  old  form  runs  round 
the  house,  and  so  I  shed  my  leaves." 

"  Then,"  said  the  little  bird,  "  I'll  moult  all  my  feathers." 
So  he  moulted  all  his  pretty  feathers.  Now  there  was  a  little 
girl  walking  below,  carrying  a  jug  of  milk  for  her  brothers' 
and  sisters'  supper,  and  when  she  saw  the  poor  little  bird 
moult  all  its  feathers,  she  said :  "  Little  bird,  why  do  you 
moult  all  your  feathers?"  "Oh!"  said  the  little  bird, 
"  Titty's  dead,  and  Tatty  weeps,  the  stool  hops,  and  the  broom 
sweeps,  the  door  jars,  and  the  window  creaks,  the  old  form 
runs  round  the  house,  the  walnut-tree  sheds  its  leaves,  and 
so  I  moult  all  my  feathers." 

"  Then,"  said  the  little  girl,  "  I'll  spill  the  milk."  So  she 
dropped  the  pitcher  and  spilt  the  milk.  Now  there  was  an 
old  man  just  by  on  the  top  of  a  ladder  thatching  a  rick,  and 
when  he  saw  the  little  girl  spill  the  milk,  he  said :  "  Little 
girl,  what  do  you  mean  by  spilling  the  milk?  Your  little 
brothers  and  sisters  must  go  without  their  supper."  Then 
said  the  little  girl :  "  Titty's  dead,  and  Tatty  weeps,  the  stool 

[229] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

hops,  and  the  broom  sweeps,  the  door  jars,  and  the  window 
creaks,  the  old  form  runs  round  the  house,  the  walnut-tree 
sheds  all  its  leaves,  the  little  bird  moults  all  its  feathers,  and 
so  I  spill  the  milk." 

"Oh!"  said  the  old  man,  "then  I'll  tumble  off  the  ladder 
and  break  my  neck."  So  he  tumbled  off  the  ladder  and  broke 
his  neck;  and  when  the  old  man  broke  his  neck,  the  great 
walnut-tree  fell  down  with  a  crash,  and  upset  the  old  form 
and  house,  and  the  house  falling  knocked  the  window  out, 
and  the  window  knocked  the  door  down,  and  the  door  upset 
the  broom,  and  the  broom  upset  the  stool,  and  poor  little 
Tatty  Mouse  was  buried  beneath  the  ruins. 


230 


The  Magpies  Nest 


X^VNCE  upon  a  time  all  the  birds  of  the  air  came  to  the 
i  i  Magpie  and  asked  her  to  teach  them  how  to  build  nests, 
^S  for  the  Magpie  is  the  cleverest  of  all  at  building.  So 
she  put  them  all  around  her  and  began  to  show  them  how  to 
do  it.  First  of  all  she  took  some  mud  and  made  a  sort  of 
round  cake  with  it. 

"  Oh,  that's  how  it's  done,"  said  the  thrush ;  and  away  it 
flew,  and  so  that's  how  thrushes  build  their  nests. 

T*hen  the  Magpie  took  some  twigs  and  arranged  them  around 
in  the  mud. 

.  "  Now  I  know  all  about  it,"  said  the  blackbird,  and  off  he 
flew;  and  that's  how  the  blackbirds  make  their  nests  to  this 
very  day. 

Then  the  Magpie  put  another  layer  of  mud  over  the  twigs. 

"  Oh,  that's  quite  obvious,"  said  the  wise  owl,  and  away  he 
flew ;  and  owls  have  never  made  better  nests  since. 

After  this  the  Magpie  took  some  twigs  and  twined  them 
around  the  outside. 

"  The  very  thing ! "  said  the  sparrow,  and  off  he  went ;  so 
sparrows  make  rather  slovenly  nests  to  this  day. 

Well,  then  Madge  Magpie  took  some  feathers  and  stuff 
and  lined  the  nest  very  comfortably  with  it. 

"  That  suits  me,"  cried  the  starling,  and  off  he  flew ;  and 
very  comfortable  nests  have  starlings. 

So  it  went  on,  every  bird  taking  away  some  knowledge  of 
how  to  build  nests,  but  none  of  them  waiting  to  the  end. 
Meanwhile  Madge  Magpie  went  on  working  and  working 
without  looking  up  till  the  only  bird  that  remained  was  the 
turtle-dove,  and  that  hadn't  paid  any  attention  all  along,  but 
only  kept  on  saying  its  silly  cry :  "  Take  two,  Taffy,  take 
two-o-o-o." 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

At  last  the  Magpie  heard  this  just  as  she  was  putting  a 
twig  across.  So  she  said :  "  One's  enough." 

But  the  turtle-dove  kept  on  saying :  "  Take  two,  Taffy,  take 
two-o-o-o." 

Then  the  Magpie  grew  angry  and  said :  "  One's  enough,  I 
tell  you/' 

Still  the  turtle-dove  cried:  "Take  two,  Taffy,  take 
two-o-o-o." 

At  last,  and  at  last,  the  Magpie  looked  up  and  saw  nobody 
near  her  but  the  silly  turtle-dove,  and  then  she  grew  very 
angry  and  refused  to  teach  any  more. 

And  that  is  why  all  the  birds  build  their  nests  in  different 
ways  up  to  this  day.  Each  one  made  off,  you  see,  as  soon  as 
he  thought  he  had  learned  the  Magpie's  secret,  and  each  is 
perfectly  contented  with  his  own  way. 


[232] 


Scrapefoot 


X*\  NCE  upon  a  time,  there  were  three  bears  who  lived  in 
f  i  a  castle  in  a  great  wood.  One  of  them  was  a  great  big 
v-X  bear,  and  one  was  a  middling  bear,  and  one  was  a  little 
bear.  And  in  the  same  wood  there  was  a  fox  who  lived  all 
alone.  His  name  was  Scrapefoot.  Scrapefoot  was  very  much 
afraid  of  the  bears,  but  for  all  that  he  wanted  very  much  to 
know  about  them.  And  one  day  as  he  went  through  the 
wood  he  found  himself  near  the  bears'  castle,  and  he  wondered 
whether  he  could  get  into  the  castle.  He  looked  all  about  him 
everywhere,  and  he  could  not  see  any  one.  So  he  came  on 
very  quietly,  till  at  last  he  came  up  to  the  door  of  the  castle, 
and  he  tried  whether  he  could  open  it.  Yes !  the  door  was  not 
locked,  and  he  opened  it  just  a  little  way,  and  put  his  nose 
in  and  looked,  and  he  could  not  see  any  one.  So  then  he 
opened  it  a  little  way  farther,  and  put  one  paw  in,  and  then 
another  paw,  and  another,  and  another,  and  then  he  was  all  in 
the  bears'  castle.  He  found  he  was  in  a  great  hall  with  three 
chairs  in  it— one  big,  one  middling,  and  one  little  chair ;  and  he 
thought  he  would  like  to  sit  down  and  rest  and  look  about  him ; 
so  he  sat  down  on  the  big  chair.  But  he  found  it  so  hard  and 
uncomfortable  that  it  made  his  bones  ache,  and  he  jumped 
down  at  once  and  got  into  the  middling  chair,  and  he  turned 
round  and  round  in  it,  but  he  couldn't  make  himself  comfort- 
able. So  then  he  went  to  the  little  chair  and  sat  down  in  it,  and 
it  was  so  soft  and  warm  and  comfortable  that  Scrapefoot  was 
quite  happy;  but  all  at  once  it  broke  to  pieces  under  him 
and  he  couldn't  put  it  together  again!  So  he  got  up  and 
began  to  look  about  him  again,  and  on  one  table  he  saw  three 
saucers,  of  which  one  was  very  big,  one  was  middling,  and  one 
was  quite  a  little  saucer.  Scrapefoot  was  very  thirsty,  and 

[233] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

he  began  to  drink  out  of  the  big  saucer.  But  he  only  just 
tasted  the  milk  in  the  big  saucer,  which  was  so  sour  and  so 
horrid  that  he  would  not  taste  another  drop  of  it.  Then  he 
tried  the  middling  saucer,  and  he  drank  a  little  of  that.  He 
tried  two  or  three  mouth fuls,  but  it  was  not  nice,  and  then 
he  left  it  and  went  to  the  little  saucer,  and  the  milk  in  the 
little  saucer  was  so  sweet  and  so  nice  that  he  went  on  drink- 
ing it  till  it  was  all  gone. 

Then  Scrape  foot  thought  he  would  like  to  go  up-stairs ;  and 
he  listened  and  he  could  not  hear  any  one.  So  up-stairs  he 
went,  and  he  found  a  great  room  with  three  beds  in  it;  one 
was  a  big  bed,  and  one  was  a  middling  bed,  and  one  was  a 
little  white  bed;  and  he  climbed  up  into  the  big  bed,  but  it 
was  so  hard  and  lumpy  and  uncomfortable  that  he  jumped 
down  again  at  once,  and  tried  the  middling  bed.  That  was 
rather  better,  but  he  could  not  lie  comfortably  in  it,  so  after 
turning  about  a  little  while  he  got  up  and  went  to  the  little 
bed;  and  that  was  so  soft  and  so  warm  and  so  nice  that  he 
fell  fast  asleep  at  once. 

And  after  a  time  the  bears  came  home,  and  when  they  got 
into  the  hall  the  big  bear  went  to  his  chair  and  said :  "  WHO'S 
BEEN  SITTING  IN  MY  CHAIR?"  and  the  middling  bear 
said:  "WHO'S  BEEN  SITTING  IN  MY  CHAIR?"  and  the  little 
bear  said :  "  Who's  been  sitting  in  my  chair  and  has  broken 
it  all  to  pieces?"  And  then  they  went  to  have  their  milk, 
and  the  big  bear  said:  "WHO'S  BEEN  DRINKING  MY 
MILK?"  and  the  middling  bear  said:  "WHO'S  BEEN  DRINK- 
ING MY  MILK?  "  and  the  little  bear  said:  "  Who's  been  drink- 
ing my  milk  and  has  drunk  it  all  up?"  Then  they  went  up- 
stairs and  into  the  bedroom,  and  the  big  bear  said :  "  WHO'S 
BEEN  SLEEPING  IN  MY  BED?"  and  the  middling  bear 
said:  "WHO'S  BEEN  SLEEPING  IN  MY  BED?"  and  the  little 
bear  said :  "  Who's  been  sleeping  in  my  bed? — and  see,  here 
he  is!"  So  then  the  bears  came  and  wondered  what  they 
should  do  with  him ;  and  the  big  bear  said :  "  Let's  hang 
him !  "  and  then  the  middling  bear  said :  "  Let's  drown  him !  " 
and  then  the  little  bear  said :  "  Let's  throw  him  out  of  the 

[234] 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

window."  And  then  the  bears  took  him  to  the  window,  and 
the  big  bear  took  two  legs  on  one  side  and  the  middling  bear 
took  two  legs  on  the  other  side,  and  they  swung  him  back- 
ward and  forward,  backward  and  forward,  and  out  of  the 
window.  Poor  Scrapefoot  was  so  frightened,  and  he  thought 
every  bone  in  his  body  must  be  broken.  But  he  got  up  and 
first  shook  one  leg — no,  that  was  not  broken;  and  then  an- 
other, and  that  was  not  broken ;  and  another  and  another,  and 
then  he  wagged  his  tail  and  found  there  were  no  bones  broken. 
So  then  he  galloped  off  home  as  fast  as  he  could  go,  and 
never  went  near  the  bears'  castle  again. 


[235] 


The  Wise  Men  of  Gotham 

OF   BUYING   OF   SHEEP 

rHERE  were  two  men  of  Gotham,  and  one  of  them 
was  going  to  market  to  Nottingham  to  buy  sheep, 
and  the  other  came  from  the  market,  and  they  both 
met  together  upon  Nottingham  bridge. 

"Where  are  you  going?"  said  the  one  who  came  from 
Nottingham. 

"  Marry,"  said  he  that  was  going  to  Nottingham,  "  I  am 
going  to  buy  sheep." 

"  Buy  sheep  ?  "  said  the  other,  "  and  which  way  will  you 
bring  them  home  ?  " 

"  Marry,"   said   the  other,   "  I   will  bring  them  over  this 
bridge." 

"  By  Robin  Hood,"  said  he  that  came  from  Nottingham, 
"  but  thou  shalt  not." 

"  By  Maid  Marian,"  said  he  that  was  going  thither,  "  but 
I  will." 

"  You  will  not,"  said  the  one. 

"  I  will,"  said  the  other. 

Then  they  beat  their  staves  against  the  ground  one  against 
the  other,  as  if  there  had  been  a  hundred  sheep  between  them. 

"  Hold  in,"  said  one ;  "  beware  lest  my  sheep  leap  over  the 
bridge." 

"  I  care  not,"  said  the  other ;  "  they  shall  not  come  this 
way." 

"  But  they  shall,"  said  the  other. 

Then  the  other  said :  "  If  that  thou  make  much  to  do,  I 
will  put  my  fingers  in  thy  mouth." 

"Will  you?"  said  the  other. 

[236] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

Now,  as  they  were  at  their  contention,  another  man  of 
Gotham  came  from  the  market  with  a  sack  of  meal  upon 
a  horse,  and  seeing  and  hearing  his  neighbors  at  strife  about 
sheep,  though  there  were  none  between  them,  said: 

"  Ah,  fools !  will  you  ever  learn  wisdom  ?  Help  me,  and 
lay  my  sack  upon  my  shoulders." 

They  did  so,  and  he  went  to  the  side  of  the  bridge,  un- 
loosened the  mouth  of  the  sack,  and  shook  all  his  meal  out 
into  the  river. 

"  Now,  neighbors,"  he  said,  "  how  much  meal  is  there  in 
my  sack?" 

"  Marry,"  said  they,  "  there  is  none  at  all." 

"  Now,  by  my  faith,"  said  he,  "  even  as  much  wit  as  is  in 
your  two  heads  to  stir  up  strife  about  a  thing  you  have  not." 

Which  was  the  wisest  of  these  three  persons,  judge  your- 
self. 

OF   HEDGING  A   CUCKOO 

Once  upon  a  time  the  men  of  Gotham  would  have  kept  the 
cuckoo  so  that  she  might  sing  all  the  year,  and  in  the  midst 
of  their  town  they  made  a  hedge  round  in  compass,  and  they 
got  a  cuckoo,  and  put  her  into  it,  and  said :  "  Sing  there 
all  through  the  year,  or  thou  shalt  have  neither  meat  nor 
water."  The  cuckoo,  as  soon  as  she  perceived  herself  within 
the  hedge,  flew  away.  "  A  vengeance  on  her ! "  said  they. 
"  We  did  not  make  our  hedge  high  enough." 


OF   SENDING   CHEESES 

There  was  a  man  of  Gotham  who  went  to  the  market  at 
Nottingham  to  sell  cheese,  and  as  he  was  going  down  the  hill 
to  Nottingham  bridge,  one  of  his  cheeses  fell  out  of  his  wallet 
and  rolled  down  the  hill.  "  Ah,  gaffer,"  said  the  fellow,  "  can 
you  run  to  market  alone  ?  I  will  send  one  after  another  after 
you."  Then  he  laid  down  his  wallet  and  took  out  the  cheeses, 
and  rolled  them  down  the  hill.  Some  went  into  one  bush,  and 
some  went  into  another. 

[237] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  I  charge  you  all  to  meet  me  near  the  marketplace  " ;  and 
when  the  fellow  came  to  the  market  to  meet  his  cheeses,  he 
stayed  there  till  the  market  was  nearly  done.  Then  he  went 
about  to  inquire  of  his  friends  and  neighbors,  and  other  men, 
if  they  did  see  his  cheeses  come  to  the  market. 

"  Who  should  bring  them  ?  "  said  one  of  the  marketmen. 

"  Marry,  themselves,"  said  the  fellow ;  "  they  know  the  way 
well  enough." 

And  then  he  said :  "  A  vengeance  on  them  all.  I  did  fear  to 
see  them  run  so  fast  that  they  would  run  beyond  the  market. 
I  am  now  fully  persuaded  that  they  must  be  now  almost  at 
York."  Thereupon  he  forthwith  hired  a  horse  to  ride  to  York, 
to  seek  his  cheeses  where  they  were  not,  but  to  this  day  no 
man  can  tell  him  of  his  cheeses. 


OF  DROWNING   EELS 

When  Good  Friday  came,  the  men  of  Gotham  cast  their 
heads  together  what  to  do  with  their  white  herrings,  their  red 
herrings,  their  sprats,  and  other  salt  fish.  One  consulted  with 
the  other,  and  agreed  that  such  fish  should  be  cast  into  their 
pond  (which  was  in  the  middle  of  the  town),  that  they  might 
breed  against  the  next  year,  and  every  man  that  had  salt  fish 
left,  cast  them  into  the  pool. 

"  I  have  many  white  herrings,"  said  one. 

"  I  have  many  sprats,"  said  another. 

"  I  have  many  red  herrings,"  said  the  other. 

"  I  have  much  salt  fish.  Let  all  go  into  the  pond  or  pool, 
and  we  shall  fare  like  lords  next  year." 

At  the  beginning  of  next  year  following,  the  men  drew 
near  the  pond  to  have  their  fish,  and  there  was  nothing  but 
a  great  eel.  "  Ah,"  said  they  all,  "  a  mischief  on  this  eel,  for 
he  has  eaten  up  all  our  fish." 

"  What  shall  we  do  to  him  ?  "  said  one  to  the  others. 

"  Kill  him,"  said  one. 

"  Chop  him  into  pieces,"  said  another.  "  Not  so,"  said  an- 
other ;  "  let  us  drown  him." 

[238] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  Be  it  so,"  said  all.  And  they  went  to  another  pond, 
and  cast  the  eel  into  the  pond.  "  Lie  there  and  shift  for 
yourself,  for  no  help  thou  shalt  have  from  us  " ;  and  they  left 
the  eel  to  drown. 


OF   SENDING   RENT 

Once  on  a  time  the  men  of  Gotham  had  forgotten  to  pay 
their  landlord.  One  said  to  the  other :  "  To-morrow  is  our 
pay-day,  and  whom  shall  we  find  to  send  our  money  to  our 
landlord?" 

The  one  said :  "  This  day  I  have  caught  a  hare,  and  he  shall 
carry  it,  for  he  is  light  of  foot." 

"  Be  it  so,"  said  all ;  "  he  shall  have  a  letter  and  a  purse 
to  put  our  money  in,  and  we  shall  direct  him  the  right  way." 
So  when  the  letters  were  written  and  the  money  put  in  a 
purse,  they  tied  it  round  the  hare's  neck,  saying :  "  First  you 
go  to  Lancaster,  then  you  must  go  to  Loughborough,  and 
Newarke  is  our  landlord,  and  commend  us  to  him,  and  there 
are  his  dues." 

The  hare,  as  soon  as  he  was  out  of  their  hands,  ran  on 
along  the  country  way.  Some  cried :  "  You  must  go  to  Lan- 
caster first." 

"  Let  the  hare  alone,"  said  another ;  "  he  can  tell  a  nearer 
way  than  the  best  of  us  all.  Let  him  go." 

Another  said :  "  It  is  a  subtle  hare,  let  him  alone ;  he  will 
not  keep  the  highway  for  fear  of  dogs." 

OF   COUNTING 

On  a  certain  time  there  were  twelve  men  of  Gotham 
who  went  fishing,  and  some  went  into  the  water  and  some 
on  dry  ground;  and,  as  they  were  coming  back,  one  of 
them  said :  "  We  have  ventured  much  this  day  wading ;  I 
pray  God  that  none  of  us  that  did  come  from  home  be 
drowned." 

"  Marry,"  said  one,  "  let  us  see  about  that.  Twelve  of  us 

[239] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

came  out,"  and  every  man  did  count  eleven,  and  the  twelfth 
man  did  never  count  himself. 

"  Alas !  "  said  one  to  another,  "  one  of  us  is  drowned." 
They  went  back  to  the  brook  where  they  had  been  fishing,  and 
looked  up  and  down  for  him  that  was  drowned,  and  made 
great  lamentation.  A  courtier  came  riding  by,  and  he  did  ask 
what  they  were  seeking,  and  why  they  were  so  sorrowful. 
"  Oh,"  said  they,  "  this  day  we  came  to  fish  in  this  brook,  and 
there  were  twelve  of  us,  and  one  is  drowned." 

"  Why,"  said  the  courtier,  "  count  me  how  many  of  you 
there  be,"  and  one  counted  eleven  and  did  not  count  himself. 
"  Well,"  said  the  courtier,  "  what  will  you  give  me  if  I  find 
the  twelfth  man?" 

"  Sir,"  said  they,  "  all  the  money  we  have." 

"  Give  me  the  money,"  said  the  courtier ;  and  he  began  with 
the  first,  and  gave  him  a  whack  over  the  shoulders  that  he 
groaned,  and  said,  "  There  is  one,"  and  he  served  all  of  them 
that  they  groaned ;  but  when  he  came  to  the  last  he  gave  him 
a  good  blow,  saying,  "  Here  is  the  twelfth  man." 

"  God  bless  you  on  your  heart,"  said  all  the  company ;  "  you 
have  found  our  neighbor." 


[240 


Henny-  Penny 


X^VNE  day  Henny-penny  was  picking  up  corn  in  the  corn- 
f  m  yai"d  when — whack! — something  hit  her  upon  the  head. 
^*r  "  Goodness  gracious  me !  "  says  Henny-penny ;  "  the 
sky's  a-going  to  fall ;  I  must  go  and  tell  the  king." 

So  she  went  along,  and  she  went  along,  and  she  went  along 
till  she  met  Cocky-locky.  "  Where  are  you  going,  Henny- 
penny?  "  says  Cocky-locky.  "  Oh!  I'm  going  to  tell  the  king 
the  sky's  a-falling,"  says  Henny-penny.  "  May  I  come  with 
you  ? "  says  Cocky-locky.  "  Certainly,"  says  Henny-penny. 
So  Henny-penny  and  Cocky-locky  went  to  tell  the  king  the 
sky  was  falling. 

They  went  along,  and  they  went  along,  and  they  went  along 
till  they  met  Ducky-daddies.  "  Where  are  you  going  to, 
Henny-penny  and  Cocky-locky  ?  "  says  Ducky-daddies.  "  Oh ! 
we're  going  to  tell  the  king  the  sky's  a-falling,"  says  Henny- 
penny  and  Cocky-locky.  "  May  I  come  with  you  ? "  says 
Ducky-daddies.  "  Certainly,"  says  Henny-penny  and  Cocky- 
locky.  So  Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky,  and  Ducky-daddies 
went  to  tell  the  king  the  sky  was  a-falling. 

So  they  went  along,  and  they  went  along,  and  they  went 
along  till  they  met  Goosey-poosey.  "  Where  are  you  going 
to,  Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky,  and  Ducky-daddies  ? "  says 
Goosey-poosey.  "  Oh !  we're  going  to  tell  the  king  the  sky's 
a-falling,"  says  Henny-penny  and  Cocky-locky  and  Ducky- 
daddies.  "  May  I  come  with  you  ? "  says  Goosey-poosey. 
"  Certainly,"  says  Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky,  and  Ducky- 
daddies.  So  Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky,  Ducky-daddies,  and 
Goosey-poosey  went  to  tell  the  king  the  sky  was  a-falling. 

So  they  went  along,  and  they  went  along,  and  they  went 
along  till  they  met  Turkey-lurkey.  "  Where  are  you  going, 

[241] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky,  Ducky-daddies,  and  Goosey- 
poosey  ?  "  says  Turkey-lurkey.  "  Oh !  we're  going  to  tell  the 
king  the  sky's  a-falling,"  says  Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky, 
Ducky-daddies,  and  Goosey-poosey.  "  May  I  come  with  you, 
Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky,  Ducky-daddies,  and  Goosey- 
poosey?"  says  Turkey-lurkey.  "Oh,  certainly,  Turkey- 
lurkey,"  says  Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky,  Ducky-daddies,  and 
Goosey-poosey.  So  Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky,  Ducky-dad- 
dies, Goosey-poosey,  and  Turkey-lurkey  all  went  to  tell  the 
king  the  sky  was  a-falling. 

So  they  went  along,  and  they  went  along,  and  they  went 
along  till  they  met  Foxy-woxy,  and  Foxy-woxy  says  to  Henny- 
penny,  Cocky-locky,  Ducky-daddies,  Goosey-poosey,  and 
Turkey-lurkey :  "  Where  are  you  going,  Henny-penny,  Cocky- 
locky,  Ducky-daddies,  Goosey-poosey,  and  Turkey-lurkey  ?  " 
And  Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky,  Ducky-daddies,  Goosey- 
poosey,  and  Turkey-lurkey  says  to  Foxy-woxey :  "  We're  going 
to  tell  the  king  the  sky's  a-falling."  "  Oh !  but  this  is  not  the 
way  to  the  king,  Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky,  Ducky-daddies, 
Goosey-poosey,  and  Turkey-lurkey,"  says  Foxy-woxy ;  "  I 
know  the  proper  way ;  shall  I  show  it  you  ?  "  "  Oh,  certainly, 
Foxy-woxy,"  says  Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky,  Ducky-daddies, 
Goosey-poosey,  and  Turkey-lurkey.  So  Henny-penny,  Cocky- 
locky,  Ducky-daddies,  Goosey-poosey,  Turkey-lurkey,  and 
Foxy-woxy  all  went  to  tell  the  king  the  sky  was  a-falling. 

So  they  went  along,  and  they  went  along,  and  they  went 
along  till  they  came  to  a  narrow  and  dark  hole.  Now  this  was 
the  door  of  Foxy-woxy's  cave.  But  Foxy-woxy  says  to  Henny- 
penny,  Cocky-locky,  Ducky-daddies,  Goosey-poosey,  and  Tur- 
key-lurkey :  "  This  is  the  short  way  to  the  king's  palace :  you'll 
soon  get  there  if  you  follow  me.  I  will  go  first  and  you  come 
after,  Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky,  Ducky-daddies,  Goosey- 
poosey,  and  Turkey-lurkey."  "Why,  of  course,  certainly, 
without  doubt,  why  not  ? "  says  Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky, 
Ducky-daddies,  Goosey-poosey,  and  Turkey-lurkey. 

So  Foxy-woxy  went  into  his  cave,  and  he  didn't  go  very 
far,  but  turned  round  to  wait  for  Henny-penny,  Cocky-locky, 

[242] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

Ducky-daddies,  Goosey-poosey,  and  Turkey-lurkey.  So  at 
last  Turkey-lurkey  went  through  the  dark  hole  into  the 
cave.  He  hadn't  got  far  when  "  Hrumph ! "  Foxy-woxy 
snapped  off  Turkey-lurkey's  head  and  threw  his  body  over  his 
left  shoulder.  Then  Goosey-poosey  went  in,  and  "  Hrumph !  " 
off  went  her  head  and  Goosey-poosey  was  thrown  beside 
Turkey-lurkey.  Then  Ducky-daddies  waddled  down,  and 
"  Hrumph !  "  snapped  Foxy-woxy,  and  Ducky-daddles's  head 
was  off,  and  Ducky-daddies  was  thrown  alongside  Turkey- 
lurkey  and  Goosey-poosey.  Then  Cocky-locky  strutted  down 
into  the  cave,  and  he  hadn't  gone  far  when  "  Snap,  Hrumph !  " 
went  Foxy-woxy,  and  Cocky-locky  was  thrown  alongside  of 
Turkey-lurkey,  Goosey-poosey,  and  Ducky-daddies. 

But  Foxy-woxy  had  made  two  bites  at  Cocky-locky,  and 
when  the  first  snap  only  hurt  Cocky-locky,  but  didn't  kill 
him,  he  called  out  to  Henny-penny.  So  she  turned  tail  and 
off  she  ran  home,  and  she  never  told  the  king  the  sky  was 
a-falling. 


[243] 


A  Son   of  Adam 


^    MAN  was  working  one  day.     It  was  very  hot,  and 

/4  he  was  digging.  By  and  by  he  stopped  to  rest  and 
-*t  JL  wipe  his  face ;  and  he  grew  very  angry  to  think  he 
had  to  work  so  hard  just  because  of  Adam's  sin.  So  he 
complained  bitterly,  and  said  some  very  hard  words  about 
Adam. 

It  happened  that  his  master  heard  him,  and  he  asked :  "  Why 
do  you  blame  Adam?  You'd  ha'  done  just  like  Adam,  if 
you'd  a-been  in  his  place." 

"  No,  I  shouldn't,"  says  the  man.  "  I  should  ha'  know'd 
better." 

"  Well,  I'll  try  you,"  says  his  master.  "  Come  to  me  at 
dinner-time." 

So  come  dinner-time,  the  man  came,  and  his  master  took 
him  into  a  room  where  the  table  was  a-set  with  good  things 
of  all  sorts.  And  he  said :  "  Now,  you  can  eat  as  much  as 
ever  you  like  from  any  of  the  dishes  on  the  table;  but  don't 
touch  the  covered  dish  in  the  middle  till  I  come  back."  And 
with  that  the  master  went  out  of  the  room  and  left  the  man 
there  all  by  himself.  So  the  man  began  to  taste  some  o'  this 
dish  and  some  o'  that,  and  enjoyed  himself  finely.  But  after 
a  while,  as  his  master  didn't  come  back,  he  began  to  look  at 
the  covered  dish,  and  to  wonder  whatever  was  in  it.  And 
he  wondered  more  and  more,  and  he  says  to  himself :  "  It 
must  be  something  very  nice.  Why  shouldn't  I  just  look  at 
it?  I  won't  touch  it.  There  can't  be  any  harm  in  just  peep- 
ing." So  at  last  he  could  hold  back  no  longer,  and  he  lifted 
up  the  cover  a  tiny  bit;  but  he  couldn't  see  anything.  Then 
he  lifted  it  up  a  bit  more,  and  out  popped  a  mouse.  The  man 
tried  to  catch  it;  but  it  ran  away  and  jumped  off  the  table 

[244] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

and  he  ran  after  it.  It  ran  first  into  one  corner,  and  then, 
just  as  he  thought  he'd  got  it,  into  another,  and  under  the 
table,  and  all  about  the  room.  And  the  man  made  such  a 
clatter,  jumping  and  banging  and  running  round  after  the 
mouse,  a-trying  to  catch  it,  that  at  last  his  master  came  in. 
"  Ah !  "  he  said ;  "  never  you  blame  Adam  again,  my  man !  " 


[245] 


The  Happy  Family 


rHE  largest  green  leaf  in  this  country  is  certainly  the 
burdock  leaf.  If  you  hold  it  in  front  of  you,  it  is 
large  enough  for  an  apron;  and  if  you  hold  it  over 
your  head,  it  is  almost  as  good  as  an  umbrella,  it  is  so  won- 
derfully large.  A  burdock  never  grows  alone ;  where  it  grows, 
there  are  many  more,  and  it  is  a  splendid  sight;  and  all  this 
splendor  is  good  for  snails.  Grand  people  in  olden  times 
used  to  have  the  great  white  snails  made  into  fricassees ;  and 
when  they  had  eaten  them,  they  would  say :  "  Oh,  what  a 
delicious  dish ! "  for  these  people  really  thought  them  good. 
Such  snails  lived  on  burdock  leaves,  and  for  them  the  burdock 
was  planted. 

There  was  once  an  old  estate  where  no  one  now  lived  to 
require  snails;  indeed,  the  owners  had  all  died  out,  but  the 
burdock  still  flourished;  it  grew  over  all  the  beds  and  walks 
of  the  garden — its  growth  had  no  check — till  it  became  at  last 
quite  a  forest  of  burdocks.  Here  and  there  stood  an  apple- 
or  a  plum-tree;  but  for  this,  nobody  would  have  thought  the 
place  had  ever  been  a  garden.  It  was  burdock  from  one  end 
to  the  other;  and  here  lived  the  last  two  surviving  snails. 
They  knew  not  themselves  how  old  they  were ;  but  they  could 
remember  the  time  when  there  were  a  great  many  more  of 
them,  and  that  they  were  descended  from  a  family  which  came 
from  foreign  lands,  and  that  the  whole  forest  had  been  planted 
for  them  and  theirs.  They  had  never  been  away  from  the 
garden ;  but  they  knew  that  another  place  once  existed  in  the 
world,  called  the  Duke's  Palace  Castle,  in  which  some  of  their 
relations  had  been  boiled  till  they  became  black,  and  were  then 
laid  on  a  silver  dish;  but  what  was  done  afterward  they  did 
not  know.  Besides,  they  could  not  imagine  exactly  how  it 

[246] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

felt  to  be  boiled  and  placed  on  a  silver  dish;  but  no  doubt  it 
was  something  very  fine  and  highly  genteel.  Neither  the 
cockchafer,  nor  the  toad,  nor  the  earthworm,  whom  they 
questioned  about  it,  could  give  them  the  least  information; 
for  none  of  their  relations  had  ever  been  cooked  or  served  on 
a  silver  dish.  The  old  white  snails  were  the  most  aristocratic 
race  in  the  world — they  knew  that.  The  forest  had  been 
planted  for  them,  and  the  nobleman's  castle  had  been  built 
solely  that  they  might  be  cooked  and  laid  on  silver  dishes. 

They  lived  quite  retired  and  very  happily ;  and  as  they  had 
no  children  of  their  own,  they  had  adopted  a  little  common 
snail,  which  they  brought  up  as  their  own  child.  The  little 
one  would  not  grow,  for  he  was  only  a  common  snail ;  but  the 
old  people,  particularly  the  mother  snail,  declared  that  she 
could  easily  see  how  he  grew;  and  when  the  father  said  he 
could  not  perceive  it,  she  begged  him  to  feel  the  little  snail's 
shell,  and  he  did  so,  and  found  that  the  mother  was  right. 

One  day  it  rained  very  fast.  "  Listen,  what  a  drumming 
there  is  on  the  burdock  leaves;  turn,  turn,  turn;  turn,  turn, 
turn,"  said  the  father  snail. 

"  There  come  the  drops,"  said  the  mother ;  "  they  are  trick- 
ling down  the  stalks.  We  shall  have  it  very  wet  here  pres- 
ently. I  am  very  glad  we  have  such  good  houses,  and  that 
the  little  one  has  one  of  his  own.  There  has  been  really  more 
done  for  us  than  for  any  other  creature ;  it  is  quite  plain  that 
we  are  the  most  noble  people  in  the  world.  We  have  houses 
from  our  birth,  and  the  burdock  forest  has  been  planted  for 
us.  I  should  very  much  like  to  know  how  far  it  extends,  and 
what  lies  beyond  it." 

"  There  can  be  nothing  better  than  we  have  here,"  said  the 
father  snail ;  "  I  wish  for  nothing  more." 

"  Yes,  but  I  do,"  said  the  mother ;  "  I  should  like  to  be  taken 
to  the  palace,  and  boiled,  and  laid  upon  a  silver  dish,  as  was 
done  to  all  our  ancestors;  and  you  may  be  sure  it  must  be 
something  very  uncommon." 

"  The  nobleman's  castle,  perhaps,  has  fallen  to  decay,"  said 
the  snail  father,  "  or  the  burdock  wood  may  have  grown  over 

[247] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

it,  so  that  those  who  live  there  cannot  get  out.  You  need 
not  be  in  a  hurry ;  you  are  always  so  impatient,  and  the  young- 
ster is  getting  just  the  same.  He  has  been  three  days  creep- 
ing to  the  top  of  that  stalk.  I  feel  quite  giddy  when  I  look 
at  him." 

"  You  must  not  scold  him,"  said  the  mother  snail ;  "  he 
creeps  so  very  carefully.  He  will  be  the  joy  of  our  home; 
and  we  old  folks  have  nothing  else  to  live  for.  But  have  you 
ever  thought  where  we  are  to  get  a  wife  for  him?  Do  you 
think  that  farther  out  in  the  wood  there  may  be  others  of 
our  race  ?  " 

"  There  may  be  black  snails,  no  doubt,"  said  the  old  snail ; 
"  black  snails  without  houses ;  though  they  are  vulgar  and 
conceited  too.  But  we  can  give  the  ants  a  commission;  they 
run  here  and  there,  as  if  they  all  had  much  business  to  get 
through.  They,  most  likely,  will  know  of  a  wife  for  our 
youngster." 

"  I  certainly  know  a  most  beautiful  bride,"  said  one  of  the 
ants ;  "  but  I  fear  it  would  not  do,  for  she  is  a  queen." 

"  That  does  not  matter,"  said  the  old  snail.  "  Has  she  a 
house?" 

"  She  has  a  palace,"  replied  the  ant,  "  a  most  beautiful  ant- 
palace  with  seven  hundred  passages." 

"  Thank  you,"  said  the  mother  snail ;  "  but  our  boy  shall 
not  go  to  live  in  an  ant-hill.  If  you  know  of  nothing  better, 
we  will  give  the  commission  to  the  white  gnats ;  they  fly  about 
in  rain  and  sunshine;  they  know  the  burdock  wood  from  one 
end  to  the  other." 

"  We  have  a  wife  for  him,"  said  the  gnats ;  "  a  hundred 
man-steps  from  here,  there  is  a  little  snail  with  a  house,  sitting 
on  a  gooseberry-bush;  she  is  quite  alone,  and  old  enough  to 
be  married.  It  is  only  a  hundred  man-steps  from  here." 

"  Then  let  her  come  to  him,"  said  the  old  people.  "  He  has 
the  whole  burdock  forest ;  she  has  only  a  bush." 

So  they  brought  the  little  lady-snail.  She  took  eight  days 
to  perform  the  journey;  but  that  was  just  as  it  ought  to  be, 
for  it  showed  her  to  be  one  of  the  right  breeding.  And  then 

[248] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

they  had  a  wedding.  Six  glowworms  gave  as  much  light 
as  they  could ;  but  in  other  respects  it  was  all  very  quiet ;  for 
the  old  snails  could  not  bear  festivities  or  a  crowd.  But  a 
beautiful  speech  was  made  by  the  mother  snail.  The  father 
could  not  speak ;  he  was  too  much  overcome.  Then  they  gave 
the  whole  burdock  forest  to  the  young  snails  as  an  inheritance, 
and  repeated  what  they  had  so  often  said,  that  it  was  the 
finest  place  in  the  world,  and  that  if  they  led  upright  and 
honorable  lives,  and  their  family  increased,  they  and  their 
children  might  some  day  be  taken  to  the  nobleman's  palace, 
to  be  boiled  black,  and  laid  on  a  silver  dish.  And  when  they 
had  finished  speaking,  the  old  couple  crept  into  their  houses, 
and  came  out  no  more ;  for  they  slept. 

The  young  snail  pair  now  ruled  in  the  forest,  and  had  a  nu- 
merous progeny.  But  as  the  young  ones  were  never  boiled 
or  laid  in  silver  dishes,  they  concluded  that  the  castle  had 
fallen  into  decay,  and  that  all  the  people  in  the  world  were 
dead;  and  as  nobody  contradicted  them,  they  thought  they 
must  be  right.  And  the  rain  fell  upon  the  burdock  leaves,  to 
play  the  drum  for  them,  and  the  sun  shone  to  paint  colors 
on  the  burdock  forest  for  them,  and  they  were  very  happy; 
the  whole  family  was  entirely  and  perfectly  happy. 

HANS  CHRISTIAN  ANDERSEN. 


249] 


The    Blind    Man,    the    Deaf  Man,    and 
the   Donkey 

ji    BLIND  Man  and  a  Deaf   Man  once  entered  into 
ft     partnership.     The   Deaf    Man  was   to   see   for   the 
-^t  jf.      Blind   Man,   and   the   Blind  Man  was  to  hear   for 
the  Deaf  Man. 

One  day  both  went  to  a  nautch  *  together.  The  Deaf  Man 
said :  "  The  dancing  is  very  good,  but  the  music  is  not  worth 
listening  to  " ;  and  the  Blind  Man  said :  "  On  the  contrary,  I 
think  the  music  very  good,  but  the  dancing  is  not  worth  look- 
ing at." 

After  this  they  went  together  for  a  walk  in  the  jungle,  and 
there  found  a  Dhobee's  Donkey  that  had  strayed  away  from 
its  owner,  and  a  great  big  chattee  (such  as  Dhobees  boil 
clothes  in),  which  the  Donkey  was  carrying  with  him. 

The  Deaf  Man  said  to  the  Blind  Man :  "  Brother,  here  are 
a  Donkey  and  a  Dhobee's  great  big  chattee,  with  nobody  to 
own  them !  Let  us  take  them  with  us — they  may  be  useful 
to  us  some  day."  "  Very  well,"  said  the  Blind  Man ;  "  we  will 
take  them  with  us."  So  the  Blind  Man  and  the  Deaf  Man 
went  on  their  way,  taking  the  Donkey  and  the  great  big  chat- 
tee  with  them.  A  little  farther  on  they  came  to  an  ant's  nest, 
and  the  Deaf  Man  said  to  the  Blind  Man :  "  Here  are  a  num- 
ber of  very  fine  black  ants,  much  larger  than  any  I  ever  saw 
before.  Let  us  take  some  of  them  home  to  show  our  friends." 
"  Very  well,"  answered  the  Blind  Man ;  "  we  will  take  them 
as  a  present  to  our  friends."  So  the  Deaf  Man  took  a  silver 
snuff-box  out  of  his  pocket,  and  put  four  or  five  of  the  finest 
black  ants  into  it ;  which  done,  they  continued  their  journey. 
1  Musical  and  dancing  entertainment. 
[250] 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

But  before  they  had  gone  very  far  a  terrible  storm  came  on. 
It  thundered  and  lightened  and  rained  and  blew  with  such 
fury  that  it  seemed  as  if  the  whole  heavens  and  earth  were 
at  war.  "  Oh  dear !  oh  dear ! "  cried  the  Deaf  Man,  "  how 
dreadful  this  lightning  is !  Let  us  make  haste  and  get  to  some 
place  of  shelter."  "  I  don't  see  that  it's  dreadful  at  all,"  an- 
swered the  Blind  Man ;  "  but  the  thunder  is  very  terrible ;  we 
had  better  certainly  seek  some  place  of  shelter." 

Now,  not  far  off  was  a  lofty  building,  which  looked  exactly 
like  a  fine  temple.  The  Deaf  Man  saw  it,  and  he  and  the 
Blind  Man  resolved  to  spend  the  night  there;  and  having 
reached  the  place,  they  went  in  and  shut  the  door,  taking  the 
Donkey  and  the  great  big  chattee  with  them.  But  this  build- 
ing, which  they  mistook  for  a  temple,  was  in  truth  no  temple 
at  all,  but  the  house  of  a  very  powerful  Rakshas ; 1  and  hardly 
had  the  Blind  Man,  the  Deaf  Man,  and  the  Donkey  got  nv 
side  and  fastened  the  door,  than  the  Rakshas,  who  had  been 
out,  returned  home.  To  his  surprise,  he  found  the  door  fas- 
tened and  heard  people  moving  about  inside  his  house.  "  Ho ! 
ho ! "  cried  he  to  himself,  "  some  men  have  got  in  here,  have 
they?  I'll  soon  make  mince-meat  of  them."  So  he  began  to 
roar  in  a  voice  louder  than  the  thunder,  and  to  cry :  "  Let 
me  into  my  house  this  minute,  you  wretches;  let  me  in,  let 
me  in,  I  say,"  and  to  kick  the  door  and  batter  it  with  his 
great  fists.  But  though  his  voice  was  very  powerful,  his  ap- 
pearance was  still  more  alarming,  insomuch  that  the  Deaf 
Man,  who  was  peeping  at  him  through  a  chink  in  the  wall, 
felt  so  frightened  that  he  did  not  know  what  to  do.  But  the 
Blind  Man  was  very  brave  (because  he  couldn't  see),  and 
went  up  to  the  door  and  called  out :  "  Who  are  you,  and  what 
do  you  mean  by  coming  battering  at  the  door  in  this  way  and 
at  this  time  of  night  ?  " 

"I'm   a  Rakshas,"   answered  the   Rakshas   angrily,   "  and 

this  is  my  house.     Let  me  in  this  instant  or  I'll  kill  you." 

All  this  time  the  Deaf  Man,  who  was  watching  the  Rakshas, 

was  shivering  and  shaking  in  a  terrible  fright,  but  the  Blind 

1  A  kind  of  ogre. 

[251] 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

Man  was  very  brave  (because  he  couldn't  see),  and  he  called 
out  again :  "  Oh,  you're  a  Rakshas,  are  you  ?  Well,  if  you're 
Rakshas,  I'm  Bakshas;  and  Bakshas  is  as  good  as  Rakshas/' 
"  Bakshas !  "  roared  the  Rakshas.  "  Bakshas !  Bakshas ! 
What  nonsense  is  this?  There  is  no  such  creature  as  a  Bak- 
shas !  "  "  Go  away,"  replied  the  Blind  Man,  "  and  don't  dare 
to  make  any  further  disturbance,  lest  I  punish  you  with  a 
vengeance ;  for  know  -that  I'm  Bakshas,  and  Bakshas  is  Rak- 
shas's  father."  "  My  father  ?  "  answered  the  Rakshas.  "  Heav- 
ens and  earth !  Bakshas,  and  my  father !  I  never  heard  such 
an  extraordinary  thing  in  my  life.  You  my  father;  and  in 
there !  I  never  knew  my  father  was  called  Bakshas !  " 

"  Yes,"  replied  the  Blind  Man ;  "  go  away  instantly,  I  com- 
mand you,  for  I  am  your  father  Bakshas."  "  Very  well,"  an- 
swered the  Rakshas  (for  he  began  to  get  puzzled  and  fright- 
ened) ;  "  but  if  you  are  my  father,  let  me  first  see  your  face." 
(For  he  thought:  "Perhaps  they  are  deceiving  me.")  The 
Blind  Man  and  the  Deaf  Man  didn't  know  what  to  do;  but 
at  last  they  opened  the  door  a  very  tiny  chink  and  poked 
the  Donkey's  nose  out.  When  the  Rakshas  saw  it  he  thought 
to  himself :  "  Bless  me,  what  a  terribly  ugly  face  my  father 
Bakshas  has !  "  He  then  called  out :  "  O  father  Bakshas,  you 
have  a  very  big,  fierce  face ;  but  people  have  sometimes  very 
big  heads  and  very  little  bodies.  Pray  let  me  see  your  body 
as  well  as  head  before  I  go  away."  Then  the  Blind  Man  and 
the  Deaf  Man  rolled  the  great,  big  Dhobee's  chattee  with  a 
thundering  noise  past  the  chink  in  the  door,  and  the  Rakshas, 
who  was  watching  attentively,  was  very  much  surprised  when 
he  saw  this  great  black  thing  rolling  along  the  floor,  and  he 
thought :  "  In  truth,  my  father  Bakshas  has  a  very  big  body 
as  well  as  a  big  head.  He's  big  enough  to  eat  me  up  altogether. 
I'd  better  go  away."  But  still  he  could  not  help  being  a  little 
doubtful,  so  he  cried :  "  O  Bakshas,  father  Bakshas !  you  have 
indeed  got  a  very  big  head  and  a  very  big  body;  but  do,  be- 
fore I  go  away,  let  me  hear  you  scream,"  for  all  Rakshas 
scream  fearfully.  Then  the  cunning  Deaf  Man  (who  was 
getting  less  frightened)  pulled  the  silver  snuff-box  out  of  his 

[252] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

pocket,  and  took  the  black  ants  out  of  it,  and  put  one  black 
ant  in  the  Donkey's  right  ear,  and  another  black  ant  in  the 
Donkey's  left  ear,  and  another  and  another.  The  ants  pinched 
the  poor  Donkey's  ears  dreadfully,  and  the  Donkey  was  so 
hurt  and  frightened  he  began  to  bellow  as  loud  as  he  could: 
"  Eh  augh !  eh  augh !  eh  augh !  augh !  augh !  "  and  at  this  ter- 
rible noise  the  Rakshas  fled  away  in  a  great  fright,  saying: 
"  Enough,  enough,  father  Bakshas !  the  sound  of  your  voice 
would  make  the  most  refractory  obedient."  And  no  sooner 
had  he  gone  than  the  Deaf  Man  took  the  ants  out  of  the 
Donkey's  ears,  and  he  and  the  Blind  Man  spent  the  rest  of 
the  night  in  peace  and  comfort. 

Next  morning  the  Deaf  Man  woke  the  Blind  Man  early, 
saying :  "  Awake,  brother,  awake ;  here  we  are  indeed  in  luck ! 
The  whole  floor  is  covered  with  heaps  of  gold  and  silver  and 
precious  stones."  And  so  it  was,  for  the  Rakshas  owned  a 
vast  amount  of  treasure,  and  the  whole  house  was  full  of  it. 
"  That  is  a  good  thing,"  said  the  Blind  Man.  "  Show  me 
where  it  is  and  I  will  help  you  to  collect  it."  So  they  collected 
as  much  treasure  as  possible  and  made  four  great  bundles  of 
it.  The  Blind  Man  took  one  great  bundle,  the  Deaf  Man  took 
another,  and,  putting  the  other  two  great  bundles  on  the  Don- 
key, they  started  off  to  return  home.  But  the  Rakshas,  whom 
they  had  frightened  away  the  night  before,  had  not  gone 
very  far  off,  and  was  waiting  to  see  what  his  father  Bakshas 
might  look  like  by  daylight.  He  saw  the  door  of  his  house 
open  and  watched  attentively,  when  out  walked — only  a  Blind 
Man,  a  Deaf  Man,  and  a  Donkey,  who  were  all  three  laden 
with  large  bundles  of  his  treasure.  The  Blind  Man  carried 
one  bundle,  the  Deaf  Man  carried  another  bundle,  and  two 
bundles  were  on  the  Donkey. 

The  Rakshas  was  extremely  angry,  and  immediately  called 
six  of  his  friends  to  help  him  kill  the  Blind  Man,  the  Deaf 
Man,  and  the  Donkey,  and  recover  the  treasure. 

The  Deaf  Man  saw  them  coming  (seven  great  Rakshas, 
with  hair  a  yard  long  and  tusks  like  an  elephant's),  and  was 
dreadfully  frightened ;  but  the  Blind  Man  was  very  brave  (be- 

[253] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

cause  he  couldn't  see),  and  said:  "Brother,  why  do  you  lag 
behind  in  that  way?"  "Oh!"  answered  the  Deaf  Man, 
"  there  are  seven  great  Rakshas  with  tusks  like  an  elephant's 
coming  to  kill  us !  What  can  we  do  ?  "  "  Let  us  hide  the  treas- 
ure in  the  bushes,"  said  the  Blind  Man ;  "  and  do  you  lead 
me  to  a  tree;  then  I  will  climb  up  first,  and  you  shall  climb 
up  afterward,  and  so  we  shall  be  out  of  their  way."  The  Deaf 
Man  thought  this  good  advice ;  so  he  pushed  the  Donkey  and 
the  bundles  of  treasure  into  the  bushes,  and  led  the  Blind  Man 
to  a  high  soparee-tree  that  grew  close  by ;  but  he  was  a  very 
cunning  man,  this  Deaf  Man,  and  instead  of  letting  the  Blind 
Man  climb  up  first  and  following  him,  he  got  up  first  and  let 
the  Blind  Man  clamber  after,  so  that  he  was  farther  out  of 
harm's  way  than  his  friend. 

When  the  Rakshas  arrived  at  the  place  and  saw  them  both 
perched  out  of  reach  in  the  soparee-tree,  he  said  to  his  friends : 
"  Let  us  get  on  each  other's  shoulders ;  we  shall  then  be  high 
enough  to  pull  them  down."  So  one  Rakshas  stooped  down, 
and  the  second  got  on  his  shoulders,  and  the  third  on  his, 
and  the  fourth  on  his,  and  the  fifth  on  his,  and  the  sixth  on 
his;  and  the  seventh  and  the  last  Rakshas  (who  had  invited 
all  the  others)  was  just  climbing  up  when  the  Deaf  Man  (who 
was  looking  over  the  Blind  Man's  shoulder)  got  so  frightened 
that  in  his  alarm  he  caught  hold  of  his  friend's  arm,  cry- 
ing :  "  They're  coming,  they're  coming !  "  The  Blind  Man 
was  not  in  a  very  secure  position,  and  was  sitting  at  his  ease, 
not  knowing  how  close  the  Rakshas  were.  The  consequence 
was,  that  when  the  Deaf  Man  gave  him  this  unexpected  push, 
he  lost  his  balance  and  tumbled  down  on  to  the  neck  of  the 
seventh  Rakshas,  who  was  just  then  climbing  up.  The  Blind 
Man  had  no  idea  where  he  was,  but  thought  he  had  got  on  to 
the  branch  of  some  other  tree;  and,  stretching  out  his  hand 
for  something  to  catch  hold  of,  caught  hold  of  the  Rakshas's 
two  great  ears,  and  pinched  them  very  hard  in  his  surprise 
and  fright.  The  Rakshas  couldn't  think  what  it  was  that  had 
come  tumbling  down  upon  him ;  and  the  weight  of  the  Blind 
Man  upsetting  his  balance,  down  he  also  fell  to  the  ground, 

[254] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

knocking  down  in  their  turn  the  sixth,  fifth,  fourth,  third, 
second,  and  first  Rakshas,  who  all  rolled  one  over  another,  and 
lay  in  a  confused  heap  at  the  foot  of  the  tree  together. 

Meanwhile  the  Blind  Man  called  out  to  his  friend :  "  Where 
am  I?  What  has  happened?  Where  am  I?  Where  am  I?  " 
The  Deaf  Man  (who  was  safe  up  in  the  tree)  answered :  "  Well 
done,  brother !  never  fear !  never  fear !  You're  all  right,  only 
hold  on  tight.  I'm  coming  down  to  help  you."  But  he  had  not 
the  least  intention  of  leaving  his  place  of  safety.  However, 
he  continued  to  call  out :  "  Never  mind,  brother ;  hold  on  as 
tight  as  you  can.  I'm  coming,  I'm  coming,"  and  the  more 
he  called  out,  the  harder  the  Blind  Man  pinched  the  Rak- 
shas's  ears,  which  he  mistook  for  some  kind  of  palm  branches. 

The  six  other  Rakshas,  who  had  succeeded,  after  a  good  deal 
of  kicking,  in  extricating  themselves  from  their  unpleasant 
position,  thought  they  had  had  quite  enough  of  helping  their 
friend,  and  ran  away  as  fast  as  they  could;  and  the  seventh, 
thinking  from  their  going  that  the  danger  must  be  greater 
than  he  imagined,  and  being,  moreover,  very  much  afraid  of 
the  mysterious  creature  that  sat  on  his  shoulders,  put  his 
hands  to  the  back  of  his  ears  and  pushed  off  the  Blind  Man, 
and  then  (without  staying  to  see  who  or  what  he  was)  fol- 
lowed his  six  companions  as  fast  as  he  could. 

As  soon  as  all  the  Rakshas  were  out  of  sight,  the  Deaf 
Man  came  down  from  the  tree,  and,  picking  up  the  Blind 
Man,  embraced  him,  saying :  "  I  could  not  have  done  better 
myself.  You  have  frightened  away  all  our  enemies,  but  you 
see  I  came  to  help  you  as  fast  as  possible."  He  then  dragged 
the  Donkey  and  the  bundles  of  treasure  out  of  the  bushes,  gave 
the  Blind  Man  one  bundle  to  carry,  took  the  second  himself, 
and  put  the  remaining  two  on  the  Donkey,  as  before.  This 
done,  the  whole  party  set  off  to  return  home.  But  when  they 
had  got  nearly  out  of  the  jungle  the  Deaf  Man  said  to  the 
Blind  Man :  "  We  are  now  close  to  the  village ;  but  if  we  take 
all  this  treasure  home  with  us,  we  shall  run  great  risk  of  being 
robbed.  I  think  our  best  plan  would  be  to  divide  it  equally; 
then  you  can  take  care  of  your  half,  and  I  will  take  care  of 

[2551 


TALES   OF   LAUGHTER 

mine,  and  each  one  can  hide  his  share  here  in  the  jungle,  or 
wherever  pleases  him  best."  "Very  well,"  said  the  Blind 
Man ;  "  do  you  divide  what  we  have  in  the  bundles  into  two 
equal  portions,  keeping  one  half  yourself  and  giving  me  the 
other."  The  cunning  Deaf  Man,  however,  had  no  intention  of 
giving  up  half  of  the  treasure  to  the  Blind  Man ;  so  he  first  took 
his  own  bundle  of  treasure  and  hid  it  in  the  bushes,  and  then 
he  took  the  two  bundles  off  the  Donkey  and  hid  them  in  the 
bushes ;  and  he  took  a  good  deal  of  treasure  out  of  the  Blind 
Man's  bundle,  which  he  also  hid.  Then,  taking  the  small 
quantity  that  remained,  he  divided  it  into  two  equal  portions, 
and  placing  half  before  the  Blind  Man  and  half  in  front  of 
himself,  said :  "  There,  brother,  is  your  share  to  do  what  you 
please  with."  The  Blind  Man  put  out  his  hand,  but  when 
he  felt  what  a  very  little  heap  of  treasure  it  was,  he  got  very 
angry,  and  cried :  "  This  is  not  fair — you  are  deceiving  me ; 
you  have  kept  almost  all  the  treasure  for  yourself  and  only 
given  me  a  very  little."  "  Oh,  oh !  how  can  you  think  so  ?  " 
answered  the  Deaf  Man ;  "  but  if  you  will  not  believe  me, 
feel  for  yourself.  See,  my  heap  of  treasure  is  no  larger  than 
yours." 

The  Blind  Man  put  out  his  hands  again  to  feel  how  much 
his  friend  had  kept;  but  in  front  of  the  Deaf  Man  lay 
only  a  very  small  heap,  no  larger  than  what  he  had  himself 
received.  At  this  he  got  very  cross,  and  said :  "  Come,  come, 
this  won't  do.  You  think  you  can  cheat  me  in  this  way  be- 
cause I  am  blind ;  but  I'm  not  so  stupid  as  all  that.  I  carried 
a  great  bundle  of  treasure,  you  carried  a  great  bundle  of 
treasure,  and  there  were  two  great  bundles  on  the  Donkey.  Do 
you  mean  to  pretend  that  all  that  made  no  more  treasure  than 
these  two  little  heaps!  No,  indeed;  I  know  better  than  that." 
"  Stuff  and  nonsense !  "  answered  the  Deaf  Man.  "  Stuff  or 
no  stuff,"  continued  the  other,  "  you  are  trying  to  take  me  in, 
and  I  won't  be  taken  in  by  you."  "  No,  I'm  not,"  said  the 
Deaf  Man.  "  Yes,  you  are,"  said  the  Blind  Man ;  and  so  they 
went  on  bickering,  scolding,  growling,  contradicting,  until  the 
Blind  Man  got  so  enraged  that  he  gave  the  Deaf  Man  a  tre- 

[256] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

mendous  box  on  the  ear.  The  blow  was  so  violent  that  it 
made  the  Deaf  Man  hear !  The  Deaf  Man,  very  angry,  gave 
his  neighbor  in  return  so  hard  a  blow  in  the  face  that  it  opened 
the  Blind  Man's  eyes! 

So  the  Deaf  Man  could  hear  as  well  as  see,  and  the  Blind 
Man  could  see  as  well  as  hear !  This  astonished  them  both  so 
much  that  they  became  good  friends  at  once.  The  Deaf  Man 
confessed  to  having  hidden  the  bulk  of  the  treasure,  which 
he  thereupon  dragged  forth  from  its  place  of  concealment,  and, 
having  divided  it  equally,  they  went  home  and  enjoyed  them- 
selves. 


[257] 


The  Alligator  and  the  Jackal 

ji  HUNGRY  Jackal  once  went  down  to  the  riverside 
>^f  in  search  of  little  crabs,  bits  of  fish,  and  whatever  else 
jL  JL  he  could  find  for  his  dinner.  Now  it  chanced  that 
in  this  river  there  lived  a  great  big  Alligator,  who,  being  also 
very  hungry,  would  have  been  extremely  glad  to  eat  the 
Jackal. 

The  Jackal  ran  up  and  down,  here  and  there,  but  for  a  long 
time  could  find  nothing  to  eat.  At  last,  close  to  where  the 
Alligator  was  lying  among  some  tall  bulrushes  under  the  clear, 
shallow  water,  he  saw  a  little  crab  sidling  along  as  fast  as 
his  legs  could  carry  him.  The  Jackal  was  so  hungry  that 
when  he  saw  this  he  poked  his  paw  into  the  water  to  try 
and  catch  the  crab,  when  snap!  the  old  Alligator  caught  hold 
of  him.  "  Oh  dear !  "  thought  the  Jackal  to  himself,  "  what 
can  I  do?  This  great,  big  Alligator  has  caught  my  paw  in 
his  mouth,  and  in  another  minute  he  will  drag  me  down  by 
it  under  the  water  and  kill  me.  My  only  chance  is  to  make 
him  think  he  has  made  a  mistake."  So  he  called  out  in  a 
cheerful  voice :  "  Clever  Alligator,  clever  Alligator,  to  catch 
hold  of  a  bulrush  root  instead  of  my  paw !  I  hope  you  find  it 
very  tender."  The  Alligator,  who  was  so  buried  among  the 
bulrushes  that  he  could  hardly  see,  thought,  on  hearing  this: 
"  Dear  me,  how  tiresome !  I  fancied  I  had  caught  hold  of 
the  Jackal's  paw;  but  there  he  is,  calling  out  in  a  cheerful 
voice.  I  suppose  I  must  have  seized  a  bulrush  root  instead, 
as  he  says,"  and  he  let  the  Jackal  go. 

The  Jackal  ran  away  as  fast  as  he  could,  crying :  "  O 
wise  Alligator,  wise  Alligator !  So  you  let  me  go  again !  " 
Then  the  Alligator  was  very  much  vexed,  but  the  Jackal  had 
run  away  too  far  to  be  caught.  Next  day  the  Jackal  re- 

[258] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

turned  to  the  riverside  to  get  his  dinner  as  before;  but  be- 
cause he  was  very  much  afraid  of  the  Alligator  he  called  out : 
"  Whenever  I  go  to  look  for  my  dinner,  I  see  the  nice  little 
crabs  peeping  up  through  the  mud;  then  I  catch  them  and 
eat  them.  I  wish  I  could  see  one  now." 

The  Alligator,  who  was  buried  in  the  mud  at  the  bottom 
of  the  river,  heard  every  word.  So  he  popped  the  little  point 
of  his  snout  above  it,  thinking :  "  If  I  do  but  just  show  the 
tip  of  my  nose,  the  Jackal  will  take  me  for  a  crab  and  put 
in  his  paw  to  catch  me,  and  as  soon  as  ever  he  does  I'll  gobble 
him  up." 

But  no  sooner  did  the  Jackal  see  the  little  tip  of  the  Alli- 
gator's nose  than  he  called  out :  "  Aha,  my  friend !  there  you 
are.  No  dinner  for  me  in  this  part  of  the  river,  then,  I  think." 
And  so  saying,  he  ran  farther  on  and  fished  for  his  dinner 
a  long  way  from  that  place.  The  Alligator  was  very  angry 
at  missing  his  prey  a  second  time,  and  determined  not  to  let 
him  escape  again. 

So  on  the  following  day,  when  his  little  tormentor  returned 
to  the  waterside,  the  Alligator  hid  himself  close  to  the  bank, 
in  order  to  catch  him  if  he  could.  Now  the  Jackal  was  rather 
afraid  of  going  near  the  river,  for  he  thought :  "  Perhaps  the 
Alligator  will  catch  me  to-day."  But  yet,  being  hungry,  he 
did  not  wish  to  go  without  his  dinner ;  so  to  make  all  as  safe 
as  he  could,  he  cried :  "  Where  are  all  the  little  crabs  gone  ? 
There  is  not  one  here  and  I  am  so  hungry ;  and  generally,  even 
when  they  are  under  water,  one  can  see  them  going  bubble, 
bubble,  bubble,  and  all  the  little  bubbles  go  pop !  pop !  pop !  "  On 
hearing  this  the  Alligator,  who  was  buried  in  the  mud  under 
the  river  bank,  thought :  "  I  will  pretend  to  be  a  little  crab." 
And  he  began  to  blow,  "  Puff,  puff,  puff !  Bubble,  bubble, 
bubble ! "  and  all  the  great  bubbles  rushed  to  the  surface  of 
the  river  and  burst  there,  and  the  waters  eddied  round  and 
round  like  a  whirlpool ;  and  there  was  such  a  commotion  when 
the  huge  monster  began  to  blow  bubbles  in  this  way  that  the 
Jackal  saw  very  well  who  must  be  there,  and  he  ran  away 
as  fast  as  he  could,  saying :  "  Thank  you,  kind  Alligator, 

[259] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

thank  you ;  thank  you !  Indeed,  I  would  not  have  come  here 
had  I  known  you  were  so  close/' 

This  enraged  the  Alligator  extremely;  it  made  him  quite 
cross  to  think  of  being  so  often  deceived  by  a  little  Jackal,  and 
he  said  to  himself :  "  I  will  be  taken  in  no  more.  Next  time 
I  will  be  very  cunning."  So  for  a  long  time  he  waited  and 
waited  for  the  Jackal  to  return  to  the  riverside ;  but  the  Jackal 
did  not  come,  for  he  had  thought  to  himself :  "  If  matters  go  on 
in  this  way,  I  shall  some  day  be  caught  and  eaten  by  the  wicked 
old  Alligator.  I  had  better  content  myself  with  living  on 
wild  figs,"  and  he  went  no  more  near  the  river,  but  stayed 
in  the  jungles  and  ate  wild  figs,  and  roots  which  he  dug  up 
with  his  paws. 

When  the  Alligator  found  this  out,  he  determined  to  try 
and  catch  the  Jackal  on  land ;  so,  going  under  the  largest  of  the 
wild  fig-trees,  where  the  ground  was  covered  with  the  fallen 
fruit,  he  collected  a  quantity  of  it  together,  and,  burying  him- 
self under  the  great  heap,  waited  for  the  Jackal  to  appear. 
But  no  sooner  did  the  cunning  little  animal  see  this  great 
heap  of  wild  figs  all  collected  together  than  he  thought: 
"  That  looks  very  like  my  friend  the  Alligator."  And  to  dis- 
cover if  it  were  so  or  not,  he  called  out :  "  The  juicy  little 
wild  figs  I  love  to  eat  always  tumble  down  from  the  tree,  and 
roll  here  and  there  as  the  wind  drives  them;  but  this  great 
heap  of  figs  is  quite  still;  these  cannot  be  good  figs;  I  will 
not  eat  any  of  them."  "  Ho,  ho !  "  thought  the  Alligator,  "  is 
that  all  ?  How  suspicious  this  Jackal  is !  I  will  make  the  figs 
roll  about  a  little,  then,  and  when  he  sees  that,  he  will  doubt- 
less come  and  eat  them." 

So  the  great  beast  shook  himself,  and  all  the  heap  of  little 
figs  went  roll,  roll,  roll — some  a  mile  this  way,  some  a  mile 
that,  farther  than  they  had  ever  rolled  before  or  than  the  most 
blustering  wind  could  have  driven  them. 

Seeing  this,  the  Jackal  scampered  away,  saying :  "  I  am 
so  much  obliged  to  you,  Alligator,  for  letting  me  know  you 
are  there,  for  indeed  I  should  hardly  have  guessed  it.  You 
were  so  buried  under  that  heap  of  figs."  The  Alligator,  hear- 

[260] 


TALES   OF   LAUGHTER 

ing  this,  was  so  angry  that  he  ran  after  the  Jackal,  but  the  lat- 
ter ran  very,  very  fast  away,  too  quickly  to  be  caught. 

Then  the  Alligator  said  to  himself :  "  I  will  not  allow  that 
little  wretch  to  make  fun  of  me  another  time  and  then  run 
away  out  of  reach ;  I  will  show  him  that  I  can  be  more  cun- 
ning than  he  fancies."  And  early  the  next  morning  he 
crawled  as  fast  as  he  could  to  the  Jackal's  den  (which  was  a 
hole  in  the  side  of  a  hill)  and  crept  into  it,  and  hid  himself, 
waiting  for  the  Jackal,  who  was  out,  to  return  home.  But 
when  the  Jackal  got  near  the  place,  he  looked  about  him  and 
thought :  "  Dear  me !  the  ground  looks  as  if  some  heavy  crea- 
ture had  been  walking  over  it,  and  here  are  great  clods  of 
earth  knocked  down  from  each  side  of  the  door  of  my  den, 
as  if  a  very  big  animal  had  been  trying  to  squeeze  himself 
through  it.  I  certainly  will  not  go  inside  until  I  know  that 
all  is  safe  there."  So  he  called  out:  "Little  house,  pretty 
house,  my  sweet  little  house,  why  do  you  not  give  an  answer 
when  I  call?  If  I  come,  and  all  is  safe  and  right,  you  always 
call  out  to  me.  Is  anything  wrong,  that  you  do  not  speak?  " 

Then  the  Alligator,  who  was  inside,  thought:  "If  that  is 
the  case  I  had  better  call  out,  that  he  may  fancy  all  is  right 
in  his  house."  And  in  as  gentle  a  voice  as  he  could,  he  said : 
"  Sweet  little  Jackal." 

At  hearing  these  words  the  Jackal  felt  quite  frightened,  and 
thought  to  himself :  "  So  the  dreadful  old  Alligator  is  there. 
I  must  try  to  kill  him  if  I  can,  for  if  I  do  not  he  will  certainly 
catch  and  kill  me  some  day."  He  therefore  answered: 
"  Thank  you,  my  dear  little  house.  I  like  to  hear  your  pretty 
voice.  I  am  coming  in  in  a  minute,  but  first  I  must  collect 
firewood  to  cook  my  dinner."  And  he  ran  as  fast  as  he  could, 
and  dragged  all  the  dry  branches  and  bits  of  stick  he  could 
find  close  up  to  the  mouth  of  the  den.  Meantime,  the  Alliga- 
tor inside  kept  as  quiet  as  a  mouse,  but  he  could  not  help 
laughing  a  little  to  himself  as  he  thought :  "  So  I  have  de- 
ceived this  tiresome  little  Jackal  at  last.  In  a  few  minutes  he 
will  run  in  here,  and  then  won't  I  snap  him  up !  " 

When  the  Jackal  had  gathered  together  all  the  sticks  he 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

could  find  and  put  them  round  the  mouth  of  his  den,  he  set 
them  on  fire  and  pushed  them  as  far  into  it  as  possible.  There 
was  such  a  quantity  of  them  that  they  soon  blazed  up  into  a 
great  fire,  and  the  smoke  and  flames  filled  the  den  and  smoth- 
ered the  wicked  old  Alligator  and  burned  him  to  death,  while 
the  little  Jackal  ran  up  and  down  outside  dancing  for  joy  and 
singing: 

"How  do  you  like  my  house,  my  friend?  Is  it  nice  and 
warm?  Ding-dong!  ding-dong!  The  Alligator  is  dying! 
ding-dong,  ding-dong!  He  will  trouble  me  no  more.  I  have 
defeated  my  enemy!  Ring-a-ting!  ding-a-ting!  ding-ding- 
dong!" 


[262] 


If^hy  the  Fish   Laughed 

a  certain  fisherwoman  passed  by  a  palace  crying  her 
fish,  the  queen  appeared  at  one  of  the  windows  and 
beckoned  her  to  come  near  and  show  what  she  had. 
At  that  moment  a  very  big  fish  jumped  about  in  the  bottom  of 
the  basket. 

"  Is  it  a  he  or  a  she  ?  "  inquired  the  queen.  "  I  wish  to 
purchase  a  she-fish." 

On  hearing  this  the  fish  laughed  aloud. 

"  It's  a  he,"  replied  the  fisherwoman,  and  proceeded  on  her 
rounds. 

The  queen  returned  to  her  room  in  a  great  rage;  and  on 
coming  to  see  her  in  the  evening,  the  king  noticed  that  some- 
thing had  disturbed  her. 

"  Are  you  indisposed  ?  "  he  said. 

"  No ;  but  I  am  very  much  annoyed  at  the  strange  be- 
havior of  a  fish.  A  woman  brought  me  one  to-day,  and  on 
my  inquiring  whether  it  was  a  male  or  female,  the  fish  laughed 
most  rudely." 

"  A  fish  laugh !     Impossible !    You  must  be  dreaming." 

"  I  am  not  a  fool.  I  speak  of  what  I  have  seen  with  my 
own  eyes  and  have  heard  with  my  own  ears." 

"  Passing  strange !    Be  it  so.    I  will  inquire  concerning  it." 

On  the  morrow  the  king  repeated  to  his  vizier  what  his  wife 
had  told  him,  and  bade  him  investigate  the  matter,  and  be 
ready  with  a  satisfactory  answer  within  six  months,  on  pain 
of  death.  The  vizier  promised  to  do  his  best,  though  he  felt 
almost  certain  of  failure.  For  five  months  he  labored  inde- 
fatigably  to  find  a  reason  for  the  laughter  of  the  fish.  He 
sought  everywhere  and  from  every  one.  The  wise  and  learned, 
and  they  who  were  skilled  in  magic  and  in  all  manner  of 

[263] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

trickery,  were  consulted.  Nobody,  however,  could  explain  the 
matter ;  and  so  he  returned  broken-hearted  to  his  house,  and 
began  to  arrange  his  affairs  in  prospect  of  certain  death,  for 
he  had  had  sufficient  experience  of  the  king  to  know  that  his 
majesty  would  not  go  back  from  his  threat.  Among  other 
things,  he  advised  his  son  to  travel  for  a  time,  until  the  king's 
anger  should  have  somewhat  cooled. 

The  young  fellow,  who  was  both  clever  and  handsome, 
started  off  whithersoever  Kismet  might  lead  him.  He  had 
been  gone  some  days,  when  he  fell  in  with  an  old  farmer, 
who  also  was  on  a  journey  to  a  certain  village.  Finding  the 
old  man  very  pleasant,  he  asked  him  if  he  might  accompany 
him,  professing  to  be  on  a  visit  to  the  same  place.  The  old 
farmer  agreed,  and  they  walked  along  together.  The  day 
was  hot,  and  the  way  was  long  and  weary. 

"  Don't  you  think  it  would  be  pleasanter  if  you  and  I  some- 
times gave  each  other  a  lift  ?  "  said  the  youth. 

"  What  a  fool  the  man  is !  "  thought  the  old  farmer. 

Presently  they  passed  through  a  field  of  corn  ready  for  the 
sickle,  and  looking  like  a  sea  of  gold  as  it  waved  to  and  fro 
in  the  breeze. 

"  Is  this  eaten  or  not  ?  "  said  the  young  man. 

Not  understanding  his  meaning,  the  old  man  replied :  "  I 
don't  know." 

After  a  little  while  the  two  travelers  arrived  at  a  big  village, 
where  the  young  man  gave  his  companion  a  clasp-knife,  and 
said :  "  Take  this,  friend,  and  get  two  horses  with  it ;  but  mind 
and  bring  it  back,  for  it  is  very  precious." 

The  old  man,  looking  half  amused  and  half  angry,  pushed 
back  the  knife,  muttering  something  to  the  effect  that  his  friend 
was  either  a  fool  himself,  or  else  trying  to  play  the  fool  with 
him.  The  young  man  pretended  not  to  notice  his  reply,  and 
remained  almost  silent  till  they  reached  the  city,  a  short  dis- 
tance outside  which  was  the  old  farmer's  house.  They  walked 
about  the  bazaar  and  went  to  the  mosque,  but  nobody  saluted 
them  or  invited  them  to  come  in  and  rest. 

"  What  a  large  cemetery !  "  exclaimed  the  young  man. 

[264] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  What  does  the  man  mean/'  thought  the  old  farmer,  "  call- 
ing this  largely  populated  city  a  cemetery  ?  " 

On  leaving  the  city  their  way  led  through  a  graveyard  where 
a  few  people  were  praying  beside  a  tomb  and  distributing 
chapatis  and  kulchas  to  passers-by,  in  the  name  of  their  be- 
loved dead.  They  beckoned  to  the  two  travelers  and  gave 
them  as  much  as  they  would. 

"  What  a  splendid  city  this  is !  "  said  the  young  man. 

"  Now,  the  man  must  surely  be  demented !  "  thought  the  old 
farmer.  "  I  wonder  what  he  will  do  next  ?  He  will  be  calling 
the  land  water,  and  the  water  land ;  and  be  speaking  of  light 
where  there  is  darkness,  and  of  darkness  when  it  is  light." 
However,  he  kept  his  thoughts  to  himself. 

Presently  they  had  to  wade  through  a  stream  that  ran  along 
the  edge  of  the  cemetery.  The  water  was  rather  deep,  so  the 
old  farmer  took  off  his  shoes  and  pajamas  and  crossed  over ; 
but  the  young  man  waded  through  it  with  his  shoes  and  pa- 
jamas on. 

"  Well !  I  never  did  see  such  a  perfect  fool,  both  in  word 
and  in  deed,"  said  the  old  man  to  himself. 

However,  he  liked  the  fellow;  and  thinking  that  he  would 
amuse  his  wife  and  daughter,  he  invited  him  to  come  and 
stay  at  his  house  as  long  as  he  had  occasion  to  remain  in  the 
village. 

"  Thank  you  very  much,"  the  young  man  replied ;  "  but  let 
me  first  inquire,  if  you  please,  whether  the  beam  of  your  house 
is  strong." 

The  old  farmer  left  him  in  despair,  and  entered  his  house 
laughing. 

"  There  is  a  man  in  yonder  field,"  he  said,  after  returning 
their  greetings.  "  He  has  come  the  greater  part  of  the  way 
with  me,  and  I  wanted  him  to  put  up  here  as  long  as  he  had 
to  stay  in  this  village.  But  the  fellow  is  such  a  fool  that  I 
cannot  make  anything  out  of  him.  He  wants  to  know  if  the 
beam  of  this  house  is  all  right.  The  man  must  be  mad !  "  and 
saying  this,  he  burst  into  a  fit  of  laughter. 

"  Father,"  said  the  farmer's  daughter,  who  was  a  very  sharp 

.[265] 


TALES    OF    LAUGHTER 

and  wise  girl,  "  this  man,  whosoever  he  is,  is  no  fool,  as  you 
deem  him.  He  only  wishes  to  know  if  you  can  afford  to  en- 
tertain him." 

"  Oh,  of  course,"  replied  the  farmer.  "  I  see.  Well,  perhaps 
you  can  help  me  to  solve  some  of  his  other  mysteries.  While 
we  were  walking  together  he  asked  whether  he  should  carry 
me  or  I  should  carry  him,  as  he  thought  that  would  be  a 
pleasanter  mode  of  proceeding." 

"  Most  assuredly,"  said  the  girl ;  "  he  meant  that  one  of 
you  should  tell  a  story  to  beguile  the  time." 

"  Oh,  yes.  Well,  we  were  passing  through  a  corn-field, 
when  he  asked  me  whether  it  was  eaten  or  not." 

"And  didn't  you  know  the  meaning  of  this,  father?  He 
simply  wished  to  know  if  the  man  was  in  debt  or  not ;  because, 
if  the  owner  of  the  field  was  in  debt,  then  the  produce  of  the 
field  was  as  good  as  eaten  to  him;  that  is,  it  would  have  to 
go  to  his  creditors." 

"  Yes,  yes,  yes,  of  course !  Then,  on  entering  a  certain  vil- 
lage, he  bade  me  take  his  clasp-knife  and  get  two  horses  with 
it,  and  bring  back  the  knife  again  to  him." 

"  Are  not  two  stout  sticks  as  good  as  two  horses  for  helping 
one  along  on  the  road  ?  He  only  asked  you  to  cut  a  couple  of 
sticks  and  be  careful  not  to  lose  his  knife." 

"  I  see,"  said  the  farmer.  "  While  we  were  walking  over 
the  city  we  did  not  see  anybody  that  we  knew,  and  not  a  soul 
gave  us  a  scrap  of  anything  to  eat,  till  we  were  passing  the 
cemetery ;  but  there  some  people  called  to  us  and  put  into  our 
hands  some  chapatis  and  kulchas ;  so  my  companion  called  the 
city  a  cemetery,  and  the  cemetery  a  city." 

"  This  also  is  to  be  understood,  father,  if  one  thinks  of  the 
city  as  the  place  where  everything  is  to  be  obtained,  and  of 
inhospitable  people  as  worse  than  the  dead.  The  city,  though 
crowded  with  people,  was  as  if  dead,  as  far  as  you  were  con- 
cerned; while,  in  the  cemetery,  which  is  crowded  with  the 
dead,  you  were  saluted  by  kind  friends  and  provided  with 
bread." 

"True,  true!"  said  the  astonished  farmer.  "Then,  just 

[266] 


TALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

now,  when  we  were  crossing  the  stream,  he  waded  through  it 
without  taking  off  his  shoes  and  pajamas." 

"  I  admire  his  wisdom,"  replied  the  girl.  "  I  have  often 
thought  how  stupid  people  were  to  venture  into  that  swiftly 
flowing  stream  and  over  those  sharp  stones  with  bare  feet. 
The  slightest  stumble  and  they  would  fall,  and  be  wetted  from 
head  to  foot.  This  friend  of  yours  is  a  most  wise  man.  I 
should  like  to  see  him  and  speak  to  him." 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  farmer ;  "  I  will  go  and  find  him,  and 
bring  him  in." 

"  Tell  him,  father,  that  our  beams  are  strong  enough,  and 
then  he  will  come  in.  I'll  send  on  ahead  a  present  to  the  man, 
to  show  him  that  we  can  afford  to  have  him  for  our  guest." 

Accordingly  she  called  a  servant  and  sent  him  to  the  young 
man  with  a  present  of  a  basin  of  ghee,  twelve  chapatis,  and  a 
jar  of  milk,  and  the  following  message :  "  O  friend,  the  moon 
is  full ;  twelve  months  make  a  year,  and  the  sea  is  overflowing 
with  water." 

Half-way  the  bearer  of  this  present  and  message  met  his 
little  son,  who,  seeing  what  was  in  the  basket,  begged  his 
father  to  give  him  some  of  the  food.  His  father  foolishly 
complied.  Presently  he  saw  the  young  man,  and  gave  him  the 
rest  of  the  present  and  the  message. 

"  Give  your  mistress  my  salaam,"  he  replied,  "  and  tell  her 
that  the  moon  is  new,  and  that  I  can  find  only  eleven  months 
in  the  year,  and  the  sea  is  by  no  means  full." 

Not  understanding  the  meaning  of  these  words,  the  servant 
repeated  them  word  for  word,  as  he  had  heard  them,  to  his 
mistress;  and  thus  his  theft  was  discovered,  and  he  was 
severely  punished.  After  a  little  while  the  young  man  ap- 
peared with  the  old  farmer.  Great  attention  was  shown  to 
him,  and  he  was  treated  in  every  way  as  if  he  were  the  son 
of  a  great  man,  although  his  humble  host  knew  nothing  of  his 
origin.  At  length  he  told  them  everything — about  the  laugh- 
ing of  the  fish,  his  father's  threatened  execution,  and  his  own 
banishment — and  asked  their  advice  as  to  what  he  should  do. 

"  The  laughing  of  the  fish,"  said  the  girl,  "  which  seems 

[267] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

to  have  been  the  cause  of  all  this  trouble,  indicates  that  there 
is  a  man  in  the  palace  who  is  plotting  against  the  king's  life." 

"  Jov>  J°y  •  "  exclaimed  the  vizier's  son.  "  There  is  yet  time 
for  me  to  return  and  save  my  father  from  an  ignominious  and 
unjust  death,  and  the  king  from  danger." 

The  following  day  he  hastened  back  to  his  own  country, 
taking  with  him  the  farmer's  daughter.  Immediately  on  ar- 
rival he  ran  to  the  palace  and  informed  his  father  of  what  he 
had  heard.  The  poor  vizier,  now  almost  dead  from  the  ex- 
pectation of  death,  was  at  once  carried  to  the  king,  to  whom 
he  repeated  the  news  that  his  son  had  just  brought. 

"  Never !  "  said  the  king. 

"  But  it  must  be  so,  your  majesty,"  replied  the  vizier ;  "  and 
in  order  to  prove  the  truth  of  what  I  have  heard,  I  pray  you 
to  call  together  all  the  maids  in  your  palace  and  order  them 
to  jump  over  a  pit,  which  must  be  dug.  We'll  soon  find  out 
whether  there  is  any  man  there." 

The  king  had  the  pit  dug,  and  commanded  all  the  maids 
belonging  to  the  palace  to  try  to  jump  it.  All  of  them  tried, 
but  only  one  succeeded.  That  one  was  found  to  be  a  man ! 

Thus  was  the  queen  satisfied,  and  the  faithful  old  vizier 
saved. 

Afterward,  as  soon  as  could  be,  the  vizier's  son  married  the 
old  farmer's  daughter;  and  a  most  happy  marriage  it  was. 


268] 


The  Selfish   Sparrow  and  the  Houseless 

Crows 

SPARROW  once  built  a  nice  little  house  for  herself, 
and  lined  it  well  with  wool  and  protected  it  with 
sticks,  so  that  it  resisted  equally  the  summer  sun  and 
the  winter  rains.  A  Crow  who  lived  close  by  had  also  built 
a  house,  but  it  was  not  such  a  good  one,  being  only  made  of 
a  few  sticks  laid  one  above  another  on  the  top  of  a  prickly- 
pear  hedge.  The  consequence  was  that  one  day,  when  there 
was  an  unusually  heavy  shower,  the  Crow's  nest  was  washed 
away,  while  the  Sparrow's  was  not  at  all  injured. 

In  this  extremity  the  Crow  and  her  mate  went  to  the  Spar- 
row, and  said :  "  Sparrow,  Sparrow,  have  pity  on  us  and  give 
us  shelter,  for  the  wind  blows  and  the  rain  beats,  and  the 
prickly-pear  hedge-thorns  stick  into  our  eyes."  But  the  Spar- 
row answered :  "  I'm  cooking  the  dinner ;  I  cannot  let  you  in 
now;  come  again  presently." 

In  a  little  while  the  Crows  returned  and  said :  "  Sparrow, 
Sparrow,  have  pity  on  us  and  give  us  shelter,  for  the  wind 
blows  and  the  rain  beats,  and  the  prickly-pear  hedge-thorns 
stick  into  our  eyes."  The  Sparrow  answered :  "  I'm  eating 
my  dinner ;  I  cannot  let  you  in  now ;  come  again  presently." 

The  Crows  flew  away,  but  in  a  little  while  returned,  and 
cried  once  more :  "  Sparrow,  Sparrow,  have  pity  on  us  and 
give  us  shelter,  for  the  wind  blows  and  the  rain  beats,  and  the 
prickly-pear  hedge-thorns  stick  into  our  eyes."  The  Sparrow 
replied :  "  I'm  washing  the  dishes ;  I  cannot  let  you  in  now ; 
come  again  presently." 

The  Crows  waited  a  while  and  then  called  out :  "  Sparrow, 
Sparrow,  have  pity  on  us  and  give  us  shelter,  for  the  wind 

[269] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

blows  and  the  rain  beats,  and  the  prickly-pear  hedge-thorns 
stick  into  our  eyes."  But  the  Sparrow  would  not  let  them  in ; 
she  only  answered :  "  I'm  sweeping  the  floor ;  I  cannot  let  you 
in  now ;  come  again  presently." 

Next  time  the  Crows  came  and  cried :  "  Sparrow,  Sparrow, 
have  pity  on  us  and  give  us  shelter,  for  the  wind  blows  and 
the  rain  beats,  and  the  prickly-pear  hedge-thorns  stick  into  our 
eyes."  She  answered :  "  I'm  making  the  beds ;  I  cannot  let 
you  in  now;  come  again  presently." 

So,  on  one  pretense  or  another  she  refused  to  help  the  poor 
birds.  At  last,  when  she  and  her  children  had  had  their  dinner, 
and  she  had  prepared  and  put  away  the  dinner  for  next  day, 
and  had  put  all  the  children  to  bed  and  gone  to  bed  herself, 
she  cried  to  the  Crows :  "  You  may  come  in  now  and  take 
shelter  for  the  night."  The  Crows  came  in,  but  they  were 
much  vexed  at  having  been  kept  out  so  long  in  the  wind  and 
the  rain,  and  when  the  Sparrow  and  all  her  family  were 
asleep,  the  one  said  to  the  other :  "  This  selfish  Sparrow  had 
no  pity  on  us ;  she  gave  us  no  dinner,  and  would  not  let  us  in 
till  she  and  all  her  children  were  comfortably  in  bed ;  let  us 
punish  her."  So  the  two  Crows  took  all  the  nice  dinner  the 
Sparrow  had  prepared  for  herself  and  her  children  to  eat  the 
next  day,  and  flew  away  with  it. 


[270] 


The   Lambikin 

upon  a  time  there  was  a  wee,  wee  Lambikin,  who 
frolicked  about  on  his  little  tottery  legs,  and  enjoyed 
himself  amazingly. 
Now  one  day  he  set  off  to  visit  his  granny,  and  was  jump- 
ing with  joy  to  think  of  all  the  good  things  he  should  get 
from  her,  when  whom  should  he  meet  but  a  jackal,  who  looked 
at  the  tender  young  morsel  and  said :  "  Lambikin !  Lambikin ! 
I'll  EAT  YOU!" 

But  Lambikin  only  gave  a  little  frisk,  and  said: 

"To  granny's  house  I  go, 
Where  I  shall  fatter  grow, 
Then  you  can  eat  me  so." 

The  jackal  thought  this  reasonable,  and  let  Lambikin  pass. 

By  and  by  he  met  a  vulture,  and  the  vulture,  looking 
hungrily  at  the  tender  morsel  before  him,  said :  "  Lambikin ! 
Lambikin!  I'll  EAT  YOU!" 

But  Lambikin  only  gave  a  little  frisk,  and  said : 

"To  granny's  house  I  go, 
Where  I  shall  fatter  grow, 
Then  you  can  eat  me  so." 

The  vulture  thought  this  reasonable,  and  let  Lambikin  pass. 

And  by  and  by  he  met  a  tiger,  and  then  a  wolf,  and  a  dog, 
and  an  eagle;  and  all  these,  when  they  saw  the  tender  little 
morsel,  said:  "  Lambikin!  Lambikin!  I'll  EAT  YOU!  " 

But  to  all  of  them  Lambikin  replied,  with  a  little  frisk: 

"To  granny's  house  I  go, 
Where  I  shall  fatter  grow, 
Then  you  can  eat  me  so." 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

At  last  he  reached  his  granny's  house,  and  said,  all  in  a 
hurry :  "  Granny  dear,  I've  promised  to  get  very  fat ;  so,  as 
people  ought  to  keep  their  promises,  please  put  me  into  the 
corn-bin  at  once." 

So  his  granny  said  he  was  a  good  boy,  and  put  him  into 
the  corn-bin,  and  there  the  greedy  little  Lambikin  stayed  for 
seven  days,  and  ate,  and  ate,  and  ate,  until  he  could  scarcely 
waddle,  and  his  granny  said  he  was  fat  enough  for  anything, 
and  must  go  home.  But  cunning  little  Lambikin  said  that 
would  never  do,  for  some  animal  would  be  sure  to  eat  him 
on  the  way  back,  he  was  so  plump  and  tender. 

"  I'll  tell  you  what  you  must  do,"  said  Master  Lambikin ; 
"  you  must  make  a  little  drumikin  out  of  the  skin  of  my  little 
brother  who  died,  and  then  I  can  sit  inside  and  trundle  along 
nicely,  for  I'm  as  tight  as  a  drum  myself." 

So  his  granny  made  a  nice  little  drumikin  out  of  his 
brother's  skin,  with  the  wool  inside,  and  Lambikin  curled  him- 
self up  snug  and  warm  in  the  middle,  and  trundled  away 
gaily.  Soon  he  met  the  eagle,  who  called  out : 

' '  Drumikin !     Drumikin ! 
Have  you  seen  Lambikin?" 

And  Mr.  Lambikin,  curled  up  in  his  soft  warm  nest,  replied : 

"Fallen  into  the  fire,  and  so  will  you 
On,  little  Drumikin.     Turn-pa,  turn-too!" 

"How  very  annoying!"  sighed  the  eagle,  thinking  regret- 
fully of  the  tender  morsel  he  had  let  slip. 

Meanwhile  Lambikin  trundled  along,  laughing  to  himself, 
and  singing: 

"Tum-pa,  turn-too; 
Tum-pa,  turn- too!" 

Every  animal  and  bird  he  met  asked  him  the  same  question : 

"Drumikin!     Drumikin! 
Have  you  seen  Lambikin?". 
[272] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

And  to  each  of  them  the  little  slyboots  replied : 

"Fallen  into  the  fire,  and  so  will  you 
On,  little  Drumikin.    Turn-pa,  turn-too; 
Tum-pa,  turn- too;  tum-pa,  turn-too!" 

Then  they  all  sighed  to  think  of  the  tender  little  morsel  they 
had  let  slip. 

At  last  the  jackal  came  limping  along,  for  all  his  sorry 
looks  as  sharp  as  a  needle,  and  he  too  called  out : 

"Drumikin!     Drumikin! 
Have  you  seen  Lambikin?" 

And  Lambikin,  curled  up  in  his  snug  little  nest,  replied 
gaily: 

"Fallen  into  the  fire,  and  so  will  you 
On,  little  Drumikin.     Tum-pa " 

But  he  never  got  any  farther,  for  the  jackal  recognized  his 
voice  at  once,  and  cried :  "  Hullo !  you've  turned  yourself  in- 
side out,  have  you  ?  Just  you  come  out  of  that !  " 

Whereupon  he  tore  open  drumikin  and  gobbled  up  Lambi- 
kin. 


[273] 


The  Town  Mouse  and  the   Country   Mouse 

NCE  upon  a  time  a  Town  Mouse  met  a  Country  Mouse 
on  the  outskirts  of  a  wood.  The  Country  Mouse  was 
sitting  under  a  hazel  thicket  plucking  nuts. 

"  Busy  harvesting,  I  see,"  said  the  Town  Mouse.  "  Who 
would  think  of  our  meeting  in  this  out-of-the-way  part  of  the 
world  ?" 

"  Just  so,"  said  the  Country  Mouse. 

"  You  are  gathering  nuts  for  your  winter  store  ?  "  said  the 
Town  Mouse. 

"  I  am  obliged  to  do  so  if  we  intend  having  anything  to 
live  upon  during  the  winter/'  said  the  Country  Mouse. 

"  The  husk  is  big  and  the  nut  full  this  year,  enough  to 
satisfy  any  hungry  body,"  said  the  Town  Mouse. 

"  Yes,  you  are  right  there,"  said  the  Country  Mouse ;  and 
then  she  related  how  well  she  lived  and  how  comfortable  she 
was  at  home. 

The  Town  Mouse  maintained  that  she  was  the  better  off, 
but  the  Country  Mouse  said  that  nowhere  could  one  be  so 
well  off  as  in  the  woods  and  hills.  The  Town  Mouse,  how- 
ever, declared  she  was  best  off;  and  as  they  could  not  agree 
on  this  point  they  promised  to  visit  each  other  at  Christmas ; 
then  they  could  see  for  themselves  which  was  really  the  more 
comfortable. 

The  first  visit  was  to  be  paid  by  the  Town  Mouse. 

Now,  although  the  Country  Mouse  had  moved  down  from 
the  mountains  for  the  winter,  the  road  to  her  house  was  long 
and  tiring,  and  one  had  to  travel  up  hill  and  down  dale;  the 
snow  lay  thick  and  deep,  so  the  Town  Mouse  found  it  hard 

[274] 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

work  to  get  on,  and  she  became  both  tired  and  hungry  before 
she  reached  the  end  of  her  journey. 

"  How  nice  it  will  be  to  get  some  food,"  she  thought. 

The  Country  Mouse  had  scraped  together  the  best  she  had. 
There  were  nut  kernels,  polypody,  and  other  sorts  of  roots, 
and  many  other  good  things  which  grow  in  woods  and  fields. 
She  kept  it  all  in  a  hole  far  under  ground,  so  the  frost  could 
not  reach  it,  and  close  by  was  a  running  spring,  open  all  the 
winter,  so  she  could  drink  as  much  water  as  she  liked.  There 
was  an  abundance  of  all  she  had,  and  they  ate  both  well  and 
heartily;  but  the  Town  Mouse  thought  it  was  very  poor  fare 
indeed. 

"  One  can,  of  course,  keep  body  and  soul  together  on  this," 
said  she ;  "  but  I  don't  think  much  of  it.  Now  you  must  be 
good  enough  to  visit  me  and  taste  what  we  have." 

Yes,  that  her  hostess  would,  and  before  long  she  set  out. 
The  Town  Mouse  had  gathered  together  all  the  scraps  from  the 
Christmas  fare  which  the  woman  of  the  house  had  dropped 
on  the  floor  during  the  holidays — bits  of  cheese,  butter,  and 
tallow  ends,  cake-crumbs,  pastry,  and  many  other  good  things. 
In  the  dish  under  the  ale-tap  she  had  drink  enough ;  in  fact, 
the  place  was  full  of  all  kinds  of  dainties. 

They  ate  and  fared  well ;  the  Country  Mouse  seemed  never 
to  have  enough;  she  had  never  tasted  such  delicacies.  But 
then  she  became  thirsty,  for  she  found  the  food  both  strong 
and  rich,  and  now  she  wanted  something  to  drink. 

"  We  haven't  far  to  go  for  the  beer  we  shall  drink,"  said 
the  Town  Mouse,  and  jumped  upon  the  edge  of  the  dish  and 
drank  till  she  was  no  longer  thirsty;  she  did  not  drink  too 
much,  for  she  knew  the  Christmas  beer  was  strong.  The 
Country  Mouse,  however,  thought  the  beer  a  splendid  drink ; 
she  had  never  tasted  anything  but  water,  so  she  took  one  sip 
after  another,  but  as  she  could  not  stand  strong  drink  she 
became  dizzy  before  she  left  the  dish. 

The  drink  got  into  her  head  and  down  into  her  toes  and 
she  began  running  and  jumping  about  from  one  beer-barrel 
to  the  other,  and  to  dance  and  tumble  about  on  the  shelves 

[275] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

among  the  cups  and  mugs;  she  squeaked  and  squealed  as  if 
she  were  intoxicated. 

"  You  must  not  carry  on  as  if  you  had  just  come  from  the 
backwoods  and  make  such  a  row  and  noise,"  said  the  Town 
Mouse ;  "  the  master  of  the  house  is  a  bailiff,  and  he  is  very 
strict  indeed,"  she  said. 

The  Country  Mouse  said  she  didn't  care  either  for  bailiffs 
or  beggars.  But  the  cat  sat  at  the  top  of  the  cellar  steps, 
lying  in  wait,  and  heard  all  the  chatter  and  noise.  When  the 
woman  of  the  house  went  down  to  draw  some  beer  and  lifted 
the  trap-door  the  cat  slipped  by  into  the  cellar  and  struck  its 
claws  into  the  Country  Mouse.  Then  there  was  quite  another 
sort  of  dance. 

The  Town  Mouse  slid  back  into  her  hole  and  sat  in  safety 
looking  on,  while  the  Country  Mouse  suddenly  became  sober 
when  she  felt  the  claws  of  the  cat  in  her  back. 

"  Oh,  my  dear  bailiff,  oh,  dearest  bailiff,  be  merciful  and 
spare  my  life  and  I  will  tell  you  a  fairy  tale,"  she  said. 

"  Well,  go  on,"  said  the  cat. 

"  Once  upon  a  time  there  were  two  little  mice,"  said  the 
Country  Mouse,  squeaking  slowly  and  pitifully,  for  she  wanted 
to  make  the  story  last  as  long  as  she  could. 

"  Then  they  were  not  lonely,"  said  the  cat  dryly  and 
curtly. 

"  And  they  had  a  steak  which  they  were  going  to  fry." 

"  Then  they  could  not  starve,"  said  the  cat. 

"  And  they  put  it  out  on  the  roof  to  cool,"  said  the  Country 
Mouse. 

"  Then  they  did  not  burn  themselves,"  said  the  cat. 

"  But  there  came  a  fox  and  a  crow  and  ate  it  all  up,"  said 
the  Country  Mouse. 

"  Then  I'll  eat  you,"  said  the  cat.  But  just  at  that  moment 
the  woman  shut  the  trap-door  with  a  slam,  which  so  startled 
the  cat  that  she  let  go  her  hold  of  the  mouse.  One  bound  and 
the  Country  Mouse  found  herself  in  the  hole  with  the  Town 
Mouse. 

From  there  a  passage  led  out  into  the  snow,  and  you  may 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

be  sure  the  Country  Mouse  did  not  wait  long  before  she  set 
out  homeward. 

"  And  this  is  what  you  call  living  at  ease  and  being  well 
off,"  she  said  to  the  Town  Mouse.  "  Heaven  preserve  me 
from  having  such  a  fine  place  and  such  a  master!  Why,  I 
only  just  got  away  with  my  life ! " 


[277] 


The   Greedy   Cat 


on  a  time  there  was  a  man  who  had  a  Cat,  and 
she  was  so  awfully  big,  and  such  a  beast  to  eat,  he 
couldn't  keep  her  any  longer.  So  she  was  to  go  down 
to  the  river  with  a  stone  round  her  neck,  but  before  she 
started  she  was  to  have  a  meal  of  meat.  So  the  goody  set 
before  her  a  bowl  of  porridge  and  a  little  trough  of  fat.  That 
the  creature  crammed  into  her,  and  ran  off  and  jumped 
through  the  window.  Outside  stood  the  goodman  by  the  barn- 
door threshing. 

"  Good  day,  goodman,"  said  the  Cat. 

"  Good  day,  pussy,"  said  the  goodman ;  "  have  you  had  any 
food  to-day?" 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said  the  Cat; 
"  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge  and  a  trough  of  fat — and, 
now  I  think  of  it,  I'll  take  you  too,"  and  so  she  took  the  good- 
man and  gobbled  him  up. 

When  she  had  done  that,  she  went  into  the  byre,  and  there 
sat  the  goody  milking. 

"  Good  day,  goody,"  said  the  Cat. 

"  Good  day,  pussy,"  said  the  goody ;  "  are  you  here,  and 
have  you  eaten  up  your  food  yet  ?  " 

"  Oh,  I've  eaten  a  little  to-day,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said 
pussy ;  "  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat, 
and  the  goodman — and,  now  I  think  of  it,  I'll  take  you  too," 
and  so  she  took  the  goody  and  gobbled  her  up. 

"  Good  day,  you  cow  at  the  manger,"  said  the  Cat  to  Daisy 
the  cow. 

"  Good  day,  pussy,"  said  the  bell-cow ;  "  have  you  had  any 
food  to-day  ?  " 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said  the 

[278] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

Cat ;  "  I've  only  had  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of 
fat,  and  the  goodman,  and  the  goody — and,  now  I  think  of 
it,  I'll  take  you  too,"  and  so  she  took  the  cow  and  gobbled 
her  up. 

Then  off  she  set  into  the  home-field,  and  there  stood  a  man 
picking  up  leaves. 

"  Good  day,  you  leaf-picker  in  the  field,"  said  the  Cat. 

"  Good  day,  pussy;  have  you  had  anything  to  eat  to-day?  " 
said  the  leaf-picker. 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said  the  Cat ; 
"  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat,  and 
the  goodman,  and  the  goody,  and  Daisy  the  cow — and,  now 
I  think  of  it,  I'll  take  you  too."  So  she  took  the  leaf -picker 
and  gobbled  him  up. 

Then  she  came  to  a  heap  of  stones,  and  there  stood  a  stoat 
and  peeped  out. 

"  Good  day,  Mr.  Stoat  of  Stoneheap,"  said  the  Cat. 

"  Good  day,  Mrs.  Pussy ;  have  you  had  anything  to  eat 
to-day?" 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said  the  Cat ; 
"  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat,  and  the 
goodman,  and  the  goody,  and  the  cow,  and  the  leaf-picker — 
and,  now  I  think  of  it,  I'll  take  you  too."  So  she  took  the 
stoat  and  gobbled  him  up. 

When  she  had  gone  a  bit  farther,  she  came  to  a  hazel-brake, 
and  there  sat  a  squirrel  gathering  nuts. 

"  Good  day,  Sir  Squirrel  of  the  Brake,"  said  the  Cat. 

"  Good  day,  Mrs.  Pussy ;  have  you  had  anything  to  eat 
to-day?" 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said  the  Cat; 
"  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat,  and 
the  goodman,  and  the  goody,  and  the  cow,  and  the  leaf-picker, 
and  the  stoat — and,  now  I  think  of  it,  I'll  take  you  too."  So 
she  took  the  squirrel  and  gobbled  him  up. 

When  she  had  gone  a  little  farther,  she  saw  Reynard  the 
fox,  who  was  prowling  about  by  the  woodside. 

"  Good  day,  Reynard  Slyboots,"  said  the  Cat. 

[279] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  Good  day,  Mrs.  Pussy ;  have  you  had  anything  to  eat 
to-day?" 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said  the  Cat ; 
"  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat,  and  the 
goodman,  and  the  goody,  and  the  cow,  and  the  leaf-picker, 
and  the  stoat,  and  the  squirrel — and,  now  I  think  of  it,  I'll 
take  you  too."  So  she  took  Reynard  and  gobbled  him  up. 

When  she  had  gone  a  little  farther  she  met  Long  Ears,  the 
hare. 

"  Good  day,  Mr.  Hopper  the  hare,"  said  the  Cat. 

"  Good  day,  Mrs.  Pussy ;  have  you  had  anything  to  eat  to- 
day?" 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said  the  Cat ; 
"  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat,  and  the 
goodman,  and  the  goody,  and  the  cow,  and  the  leaf-picker, 
and  the  stoat,  and  the  squirrel,  and  the  fox — and,  now  I  think 
of  it,  I'll  take  you  too."  So  she  took  the  hare  and  gobbled 
him  up. 

When  she  had  gone  a  bit  farther  she  met  a  wolf. 

"  Good  day,  you  Greedy  Graylegs,"  said  the  Cat. 

"  Good  day,  Mrs.  Pussy ;  have  you  had  anything  to  eat 
to-day?" 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said  the  Cat ; 
"  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat,  and  the 
goodman,  and  the  goody,  and  the  cow,  and  the  leaf-picker, 
and  the  stoat,  and  the  squirrel,  and  the  fox,  and  the  hare — 
and,  now  I  think  of  it,  I  may  as  well  take  you  too."  So  she 
took  and  gobbled  up  Graylegs  too. 

So  she  went  on  into  the  wood,  and  when  she  had  gone  far 
and  farther  than  far,  o'er  hill  and  dale,  she  met  a  bear-cub. 

"  Good  day,  you  bare-breeched  bear,"  said  the  Cat. 

"  Good  day,  Mrs.  Pussy,"  said  the  bear-cub ;  "  have  you 
had  anything  to  eat  to-day  ?  " 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,  "  said  the  Cat; 
"  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat,  and 
the  goodman,  and  the  goody,  and  the  cow,  and  the  leaf-picker, 
and  the  stoat,  and  the  squirrel,  and  the  fox,  and  the  hare,  and 


TALES   OF   LAUGHTER 

the  wolf — and,  now  I  think  of  it,  I  may  as  well  take  you  too." 
And  so  she  took  the  bear-cub  and  gobbled  him  up. 

When  the  Cat  had  gone  a  bit  farther,  she  met  a  she-bear, 
who  was  tearing  away  at  a  stump  till  the  splinters  flew,  so 
angry  was  she  at  having  lost  her  cub. 

"  Good  day,  you  Mrs.  Bruin,"  said  the  Cat. 

"  Good  day,  Mrs.  Pussy ;  have  you  had  anything  to  eat 
to-day?" 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said  the  Cat ; 
"  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat,  and 
the  goodman,  and  the  goody,  and  the  cow,  and  the  leaf-picker, 
and  the  stoat,  and  the  squirrel,  and  the  fox,  and  the  hare,  and 
the  wolf,  and  the  bear-cub — and,  now  I  think  of  it,  I'll  take 
you  too,"  and  so  she  took  Mrs.  Bruin  and  gobbled  her  up  too. 

When  the  Cat  got  still  farther  on,  she  met  Baron  Bruin 
himself. 

"  Good  day,  you  Baron  Bruin,"  said  the  Cat. 

"  Good  day,  Mrs.  Pussy,"  said  Bruin ;  "  have  you  had  any- 
thing to  eat  to-day  ?  " 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said  the  Cat ; 
"  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat,  and 
the  goodman,  and  the  goody,  and  the  cow,  and  the  leaf-picker, 
and  the  stoat,  and  the  squirrel,  and  the  fox,  and  the  hare,  and 
the  wolf,  and  the  bear-cub,  and  the  she-bear — and,  now  I 
think  of  it,  I'll  take  you  too,"  and  so  she  took  Bruin  and  ate 
him  up  too. 

So  the  Cat  went  on  and  on,  and  farther  than  far,  till  she 
came  to  the  abodes  of  men  again,  and  there  she  met  a  bridal 
train  on  the  road. 

"  Good  day,  you  bridal  train  on  the  king's  highway,"  said 
she. 

"  Good  day,  Mrs.  Pussy ;  have  you  had  anything  to  eat 
to-day?" 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said  the  Cat; 
"  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat,  and 
the  goodman,  and  the  goody,  and  the  cow,  and  the  leaf-picker, 
and  the  stoat,  and  the  squirrel,  and  the  fox,  and  the  hare,  and 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

the  wolf,  and  the  bear-cub,  and  the  she-bear,  and  'the  he-bear — 
and,  now  I  think  of  it,  I'll  take  you  too,"  and  so  she  rushed 
at  them,  and  gobbled  up  both  the  bride  and  bridegroom,  and 
the  whole  train,  with  the  cook  and  the  fiddler,  and  the  horses 
and  all. 

When  she  had  gone  still  farther,  she  came  to  a  church, 
and  there  she  met  a  funeral. 

"  Good  day,  you  funeral  train,"  said  she. 

"  Good  day,  Mrs.  Pussy ;  have  you  had  anything  to  eat 
to-day?" 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said  the  Cat; 
"  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat,  and 
the  goodman,  and  the  goody,  and  the  cow,  and  the  leaf-picker, 
and  the  stoat,  and  the  squirrel,  and  the  fox,  and  the  hare,  and 
the  wolf,  and  the  bear-cub,  and  the  she-bear,  and  the  he-bear, 
and  the  bride  and  bridegroom,  and  the  whole  train — and,  now, 
I  don't  mind  if  I  take  you  too,"  and  so  she  fell  on  the  funeral 
train  and  gobbled  up  both  the  body  and  the  bearers. 

Now  when  the  Cat  had  got  the  body  in  her,  she  was  taken 
up  to  the  sky,  and  when  she  had  gone  a  long,  long  way,  she 
met  the  moon. 

"  Good  day,  Mrs.  Moon,"  said  the  Cat. 

"  Good  day,  Mrs.  Pussy ;  have  you  had  anything  to  eat 
to-day?" 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said  the  Cat ; 
"  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat,  and 
the  goodman,  and  the  goody,  and  the  cow,  and  the  leaf-picker, 
and  the  stoat,  and  the  squirrel,  and  the  fox,  and  the  hare,  and 
the  wolf,  and  the  bear-cub,  and  the  she-bear,  and  the  he-bear, 
and  the  bride  and  bridegroom,  and  the  whole  train,  and  the 
funeral  train — and,  now  I  think  of  it;  I  don't  mind  if  I  take 
you  too,"  and  so  she  seized  hold  of  the  moon,  and  gobbled 
her  up,  both  new  and  full. 

So  the  Cat  went  a  long  way  still,  and  then  she  met  the  sun. 

"  Good  day,  you  sun  in  heaven." 

"  Good  day,  Mrs.  Pussy,"  said  the  sun ;  "  have  you  had  any- 
thing to  eat  to-day  ?  " 

[282] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting,"  said  the  Cat ; 
"  it  was  only  a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat,  and 
the  goodman,  and  the  goody,  and  the  cow,  and  the  leaf-picker, 
and  the  stoat,  and  the  squirrel,  and  the  fox,  and  the  hare,  and 
the  wolf,  and  the  bear-cub,  and  the  she-bear,  and  the  he-bear, 
and  the  bride  and  bridegroom,  and  the  whole  train,  and  the 
funeral  train,  and  the  moon — and,  now  I  think  of  it,  I  don't 
mind  if  I  take  you  too,"  and  so  she  rushed  at  the  sun  in 
heaven  and  gobbled  him  up. 

So  the  cat  went  far  and  farther  than  far,  till  she  came  to  a 
bridge,  and  on  it  she  met  a  big  billy-goat. 

"  Good  day,  you  Billy-goat  on  Broad-bridge,"  said  the  Cat. 

"  Good  day,  Mrs.  Pussy ;  have  you  had  anything  to  eat 
to-day  ?  "  said  the  billy-goat. 

"  Oh,  I've  had  a  little,  but  I'm  'most  fasting;  I've  only  had 
a  bowl  of  porridge,  and  a  trough  of  fat,  and  the  goodman, 
and  the  goody  in  the  byre,  and  Daisy  the  cow  at  the  manger, 
and  the  leaf-picker  in  the  home-field,  and  Mr.  Stoat  of  Stone- 
heap,  and  Sir  Squirrel  of  the  Brake,  and  Reynard  Slyboots, 
and  Mr.  Hopper  the  hare,  and  Greedy  Graylegs  the  wolf,  and 
Bare-breech  the  bear-cub,  and  Mrs.  Bruin,  and  Baron  Bruin, 
and  a  bridal  train  on  the  king's  highway,  and  a  funeral  at 
the  church,  and  Lady  Moon  in  the  sky,  and  Lord  Sun  in 
heaven — and,  now  I  think  of  it,  I'll  take  you  too." 

"That  we'll  fight  about,"  said  the  billy-goat,  and  butted 
at  the  Cat  till  she  fell  right  over  the  bridge  into  the  river,  and 
there  she  burst. 

So  they  all  crept  out  one  after  the  other,  and  went  about 
their  business,  and  were  just  as  good  as  ever,  all  that  the 
Cat  had  gobbled  up.  The  goodman  of  the  house,  and  the 
goody  in  the  byre,  and  Daisy  the  cow  at  the  manger,  and 
the  leaf-picker  in  the  home-field,  and  Mr.  Stoat  of  Stoneheap, 
and  Sir  Squirrel  of  the  Brake,  and  Reynard  Slyboots,  and  Mr. 
Hopper  the  hare,  and  Greedy  Graylegs  the  wolf,  and  Bare- 
breech  the  bear-cub,  and  Mrs.  Bruin,  and  Baron  Bruin,  and 
the  bridal  train  on  the  highway,  and  the  funeral  train  at  the 
church,  and  Lady  Moon  in  the  sky,  and  Lord  Sun  in  heaven. 

[283] 


Well  Done:    III  Paid 


X^VNCE  upon  a  time  there  was  a  man  who  had  to  drive 
i  i  his  sledge  to  the  wood  for  fuel,  and  a  bear  met  him 
^-^  on  the  way. 

"  Hand  over  your  horse/*  growled  the  bear,  "  or  I'll  kill  all 
your  sheep  by  summer." 

"  Oh,  Heaven  help  me  !  "  said  the  man.  "  There's  not  a  stick 
of  firewood  in  the  house  ;  you  must  let  me  drive  home  a  load 
of  fuel,  else  we  shall  be  frozen  to  death.  I'll  bring  the  horse 
to  you  to-morrow  morning." 

Yes;  on  these  terms  he  might  drive  the  wood  home,  that 
was  a  bargain;  but  Bruin  said,  if  he  didn't  come  back,  he 
should  lose  all  his  sheep  by  summer. 

So  the  man  got  the  wood  on  the  sledge  and  rattled  home- 
ward, but  he  wasn't  overpleased  with  his  bargain,  you  may 
fancy. 

So  just  then  a  fox  met  him.  "  Why,  what's  the  matter  ?  " 
said  the  fox.  "  Why  are  you  so  down  in  the  mouth  ?  " 

"  Oh,  if  you  want  to  know,"  said  the  man,  "  I  met  a  bear 
up  yonder  in  the  wood,  and  I  had  to  give  my  word  to  him  to 
bring  Dobbin  back  to-morrow,  at  this  very  hour;  for  if  he 
didn't  get  him^  he  said  he  would  tear  all  my  sheep  to  death 
by  summer." 

"Stuff!  Nothing  worse  than  that?"  said  the  fox.  "If 
you'll  give  me  your  fattest  wether  I'll  soon  set  you  free;  see 
if  I  don't." 

Yes,  the  man  gave  his  word,  and  swore  he  would  keep  it 
true. 

"  Well,  when  you  come  with  Dobbin,  to-morrow,  for  the 
bear,"  said  the  foxt  "  I'll  make  a  clatter  up  in  the  heap  of 
stones  yonder,  and  so,  when  the  bear  asks  what  that  noise 

[284] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

is,  you  must  say  it  is  Peter  the  Marksman,  who  is  the  best 
shot  in  the  world.  And  after  that  you  must  help  yourself." 

Now,  next  day,  off  set  the  man,  and  when  he  met  the  bear 
something  began  to  make  a  clatter  up  in  the  heap  of  stones. 

"Hist,  hist!  what's  that?"  said  the  bear. 

"  Oh,  that's  Peter  the  Marksman,  to  be  sure,"  said  the  man. 
"  He's  the  best  shot  in  the  world ;  I  know  him  by  his  voice." 

"  Have  you  seen  any  bear  about  here,  Eric  ?  "  shouted  out  a 
voice  in  the  wood. 

"  Say  no,"  said  the  bear. 

"  No,  I  haven't  seen  any,"  said  Eric. 

"What's  that,  then,  that  stands  alongside  your  sledge?" 
bawled  out  the  voice  in  the  wood. 

"  Say  it's  an  old  fir-stump,"  said  the  bear. 

"  Oh,  it's  only  an  old  fir-stump,"  said  the  man. 

"  Such  fir-stumps  we  take  in  our  country  and  roll  them  on 
our  sledges,"  bawled  out  the  voice.  "If  you  can't  do  it  your- 
self, I'll  come  and  help  you." 

"  Say  you  can  help  yourself,  and  roll  me  up  on  the  sledge," 
said  the  bear. 

"  No,  thank  ye,  I  can  help  myself  well  enough,"  said  the 
man,  and  rolled  the  bear  on  the  sledge. 

"  Such  fir-stumps  we  always  bind  fast  on  our  sledges  in  our 
part  of  the  world,"  bawled  out  the  voice.  "  Shall  I  come  and 
help  you  ?  " 

"  Say  you  can  help  yourself,  and  bind  me  fast,  do,"  said 
the  bear. 

"  No,  thanks,  I  can  help  myself  well  enough,"  said  the  man, 
who  set  to  binding  Bruin  fast  with  all  the  ropes  he  had,  so 
that  at  last  the  bear  couldn't  stir  a  paw. 

"  Such  fir-stumps  we  always  drive  our  ax  into,  in  our  part 
of  the  world,"  bawled  out  the  voice,  "  for  then  we  guide  them 
better  going  down  steep  pitches." 

"  Pretend  to  drive  the  ax  into  me,  do  now,"  said  the  bear. 

Then  the  man  took  up  his  ax,  and  at  one  blow  split  the 
bear's  skull,  so  that  Bruin  lay  dead  in  a  trice ;  and  so  the  man 
and  the  fox  were  great  friends,  and  on  the  best  of  terms. 

[285] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

But  when  they  came  near  the  farm,  the  fox  said :  "  I've  no 
mind  to  go  right  home  with  you,  for  I  can't  say  I  like  your 
dogs;  so  I'll  just  wait  here,  and  you  can  bring  the  wether 
to  me;  but  mind  you  pick  out  one  nice  and  fat." 

Yes,  the  man  would  be  sure  to  do  that,  and  thanked  the 
fox  much  for  his  help.  So  when  he  had  put  the  horse  into 
the  stable  he  went  across  to  the  sheep-pen. 

"  Where  are  you  going?  "  asked  his  wife. 

"  Oh,  I  am  only  going  over  to  the  sheep-pen  to  fetch  a 
fat  ram  for  that  good  fox  who  saved  our  horse,"  said  the 
man,  "  as  I  have  promised  him  one." 

"  Why  on  earth  give  that  thief  of  a  fox  any  ram  ?  "  said 
the  woman.  "  We  have  got  the  horse  quite  safe  and  the  bear 
besides,  and  the  fox  has  stolen  more  geese  from  us  than  the 
ram  is  worth ;  or,  if  he  hasn't  already  taken  them,  he  is  sure 
to  do  so  some  time.  No,  take  the  most  savage  pair  of  those 
dogs  of  yours  and  let  them  loose  on  him,  then  perhaps  we'll 
get  rid  of  that  thieving  old  rascal,"  said  the  woman. 

The  man  thought  this  was  sensible  advice  and  took  two  of 
his  savage  red  dogs,  put  them  in  a  bag  and  set  out  with  them. 

"  Have  you  got  the  ram  ?  "  said  the  fox. 

"  Yes,  come  and  fetch  it,"  said  the  man,  undoing  the  string 
round  the  bag  and  setting  the  dogs  at  the  fox. 

"  Ugh !  "  said  the  fox,  bounding  away,  "  the  old  saying : 
'  Well  done :  ill  paid,'  is  only  too  true ;  and  now  I  find  it  is 
also  true  that  one's  relations  are  one's  worst  enemies,"  and 
he  panted  as  he  saw  the  red  dogs  at  his  heels. 


Reynard  and  Chanticleer 

NCE  on  a  time  there  was  a  cock  who  stood  on  a  dung- 
heap  and  crew  and  flapped  his  wings.  Then  the  fox 
came  by. 

"  Good  day,"  said  Reynard.  "  I  heard  you  crowing  so 
nicely;  but  you  can  stand  on  one  leg  and  crow,  and  wink 
your  eyes  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,"  said  Chanticleer,  "  I  can  do  that  very  well."  So 
he  stood  on  one  leg  and  crew;  but  he  winked  only  with  one 
eye,  and  when  he  had  done  that  he  made  himself  big  and 
flapped  his  wings,  as  though  he  had  done  a  great  thing. 

"  Very  pretty,  to  be  sure,"  said  Reynard.  "  Almost  as 
pretty  as  when  the  parson  preaches  in  church;  but  can  you 
stand  on  one  leg  and  wink  both  your  eyes  at  once?  I  hardly 
think  you  can." 

"  Can't  I,  though !  "  said  Chanticleer,  and  stood  on  one  leg, 
and  winked  both  his  eyes  and  crew.  But  Reynard  caught 
hold  of  him,  took  him  by  the  throat,  and  threw  him  over  his 
back,  so  that  he  was  off  to  the  wood  before  he  had  crowed 
his  crow  out,  as  fast  as  Reynard  could  lay  legs  to  the  ground. 

When  they  had  come  under  an  old  spruce  fir,  Reynard  threw 
Chanticleer  on  the  ground,  and  set  his  paw  on  his  breast,  and 
was  going  to  take  a  bite. 

"  You  are  a  heathen,  Reynard !  "  said  Chanticleer.  "  Good 
Christians  say  grace,  and  ask  a  blessing  before  they  eat." 

But  Reynard  would  be  no  heathen.  God  forbid  it!  So  he 
let  go  his  hold,  and  was  about  to  fold  his  paws  over  his  breast 
and  say  grace — when  pop !  up  flew  Chanticleer  into  a  tree. 

"  You  sha'n't  get  off,  for  all  that,"  said  Reynard  to  him- 
self. So  he  went  away,  and  came  again  with  a  few  chips 
which  the  woodcutters  had  left.  Chanticleer  peeped  and 
peered  to  see  what  they  could  be. 

[287] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"What  in  the  world  have  you  there?"  he  asked. 

"  These  are  letters  I  have  just  got,"  said  Reynard.  "  Won't 
you  help  me  to  read  them,  for  I  don't  know  how  to  read 
writing  ?  " 

"  I'd  be  so  happy,  but  I  dare  not  read  them  now,"  said 
Chanticleer,  "  for  here  comes  a  hunter.  I  see  him,  I  see  him, 
as  I  sit  by  the  tree-trunk." 

When  Reynard  heard  Chanticleer  chattering  about  a  hunter, 
he  took  to  his  heels  as  quick  as  he  could. 

So  this  time  Reynard  was  made  game  of  again! 


Father  Bruin  in  the  Corner 

NCE  on  a  time  there  was  a  man  who  lived  far,  far  away 
in  the  wood.  He  had  many,  many  goats  and  sheep, 
but  never  a  one  could  he  keep  for  fear  of  Graylegs, 
the  wolf. 

At  last  he  said :  "  I'll  soon  trap  Grayboots,"  and  so  he  set 
to  work  digging  a  pitfall.  When  he  had  dug  it  deep  enough, 
he  put  a  pole  down  in  the  midst  of  the  pit,  and  on  the  top 
of  the  pole  he  set  a  board,  and  on  the  board  he  put  a  little 
dog.  Over  the  pit  itself  he  spread  boughs  and  branches  and 
leaves,  and  other  rubbish,  and  a-top  of  all  he  strewed  snow, 
so  that  Graylegs  might  not  see  there  was  a  pit  underneath. 

So  when  it  got  on  in  the  night,  the  little  dog  grew  weary 
of  sitting  there.  "  Bow-wow,  bow-wow,"  it  said,  and  bayed 
at  the  moon.  Just  then  up  came  a  fox,  slouching  and  sneak- 
ing, and  thought  here  was  a  fine  time  for  marketing,  and  with 
that  gave  a  jump — head  over  heels  down  into  the  pitfall. 

And  when  it  got  a  little  farther  on  in  the  night,  the  little 
dog  got  so  weary  and  hungry,  and  it  fell  to  yelping  and  howl- 
ing. "  Bow-wow,  bow-wow,"  it  cried  out.  Just  at  that  very 
moment  up  came  Graylegs,  trotting  and  trotting.  He,  too, 
thought  he  should  get  a  fat  steak,  and  he,  too,  made  a  spring 
— head  over  heels  down  into  the  pitfall. 

When  it  was  getting  on  toward  gray  dawn  in  the  morning, 
down  fell  snow,  with  a  north  wind,  and  it  grew  so  cold  that 
the  little  dog  stood  and  froze,  and  shivered  and  shook ;  it  was 
so  weary  and  so  hungry.  "  Bow-wow,  bow-wow,  bow-wow," 
it  called  out,  and  barked  and  yelped  and  howled.  Then  up 
came  a  bear,  tramping  and  tramping  along,  and  thought  to 
himself  how  he  could  get  a  morsel  for  breakfast  at  the  very 
top  of  the  morning,  and  so  he  thought  and  thought  among 

[289] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

the  boughs  and  branches  till  he  too  went  bump — head  over 
heels  down  into  the  pitfall. 

So  when  it  got  a  little  farther  on  in  the  morning,  an  old  beg- 
gar wife  came  walking  by,  who  toddled  from  farm  to  farm 
with  a  bag  on  her  back.  When  she  set  eyes  on  the  little  dog 
that  stood  there  and  howled,  she  couldn't  help  going  near 
to  look  and  see  if  any  wild  beasts  had  fallen  into  the  pit  during 
the  night.  So  she  crawled  up  on  her  knees  and  peeped  down 
into  it. 

"  Art  thou  come  into  the  pit  at  last,  Reynard  ?  "  she  said  to 
the  fox,  for  he  was  the  first  she  saw ;  "  a  very  good  place,  too, 
for  such  a  hen-roost  robber  as  thou.  And  thou,  too,  Graypaw," 
she  said  to  the  wolf ;  "  many  a  goat  and  sheep  hast  thou  torn 
and  rent,  and  now  thou  shalt  be  plagued  and  punished  to 
death.  Bless  my  heart !  Thou,  too,  Bruin !  Art  thou,  too,  sit- 
ting in  this  room,  thou  mare-flayer?  Thee,  too,  will  we  strip, 
and  thee  shall  we  flay,  and  thy  skull  shall  be  nailed  up  on 
the  wall."  All  this  the  old  lass  screeched  out  as  she  bent  over 
toward  the  bear.  But  just  then  her  bag  fell  over  her  ears,  and 
dragged  her  down,  and  slap !  down  went  the  old  crone — head 
over  heels  into  the  pitfall. 

So  there  they  all  four  sat  and  glared  at  one  another,  each 
in  a  corner — the  fox  in  one,  Graylegs  in  another,  Bruin  in 
a  third,  and  the  old  crone  in  a  fourth. 

But  as  soon  as  it  was  broad  daylight,  Reynard  began  to 
peep  and  peer,  and  to  twist  and  turn  about,  for  he  thought 
he  might-  as  well  try  to  get  out. 

But  the  old  lass  cried  out :  "  Canst  thou  not  sit  still,  thou 
whirligig  thief,  and  not  go  twisting  and  turning?  Only  look 
at  Father  Bruin  himself  in  the  corner,  how  he  sits  as  grave 
as  a  judge,"  for  now  she  thought  she  might  as  well  make 
friends  with  the  bear.  But  just  then  up  came  the  man  who 
owned  the  pitfall.  First  he  drew  up  the  old  wife,  and  after 
that  he  slew  all  the  beasts,  and  spared  neither  Father  Bruin 
himself  in  the  corner,  nor  Graylegs,  nor  Reynard  the  whirli- 
gig thief.  That  night,  at  least,  he  thought  he  had  made  a 
good  haul. 

[290] 


the   Sea   is   Salt 


upon  a  time,  long,  long  ago,  there  were  two 
brothers,  the  one  rich  and  the  other  poor.  When 
Christmas  eve  came  the  poor  one  had  not  a  bite  in  the 
house,  either  of  meat  or  bread  ;  so  he  went  to  his  brother  and 
begged  him,  in  Heaven's  name,  to  give  him  something  for 
Christmas  Day.  It  was  by  no  means  the  first  time  that  the 
brother  had  been  forced  to  give  something  to  him,  and  he  was 
not  better  pleased  at  being  asked  now  than  he  generally  was. 

"  If  you  will  do  what  I  ask  you,  you  shall  have  a  whole 
ham,"  said  he.  The  poor  one  immediately  thanked  him  and 
promised  this. 

"  Well,  here  is  the  ham,  and  now  you  must  go  straight  to 
Dead  Man's  Hall,"  said  the  rich  brother,  throwing  the  ham 
to  him. 

"  Well,  I  will  do  what  I  have  promised,"  said  the  other, 
and  he  took  the  ham  and  set  off.  He  went  on  and  on  for 
the  livelong  day,  and  at  nightfall  he  came  to  a  place  where 
there  was  a  bright  light. 

"  I  have  no  doubt  this  is  the  place,"  thought  the  man  with 
the  ham,  and  he  drew  near  an  old  man  with  a  long  white 
beard  who  was  standing  in  the  outhouse  chopping  Yule-logs. 

"  Good  evening,"  said  the  man  with  the  ham. 

"  Good  evening  to  you.  Where  are  you  going  at  this  late 
hour  ?  "  said  the  man. 

"  I  am  going  to  Dead  Man's  Hall,  if  only  I  am  in  the  right 
track,"  answered  the  poor  man. 

"  Oh,  yes,  you  are  right  enough,  for  it  is  here,"  said  the 
old  man.  "  When  you  get  inside  they  will  all  want  to  buy 
your  ham,  for  they  don't  get  much  meat  to  eat  there.  But 
you  must  not  sell  it  unless  you  can  get  for  it  the  hand-mill 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

which  stands  behind  the  door.  When  you  come  out  again  I 
will  teach  you  how  to  stop  the  hand-mill,  which  is  useful  for 
almost  everything." 

So  the  man  with  the  ham  thanked  the  other  for  his  good 
advice  and  rapped  at  the  door. 

When  he  got  in,  everything  happened  just  as  the  old  man 
had  said  it  would :  all  the  people,  great  and  small,  came  round 
him  like  ants  on  an  ant-hill,  and  each  tried  to  outbid  the  other 
for  the  ham. 

"  By  rights  my  old  woman  and  I  ought  to  have  it  for  our 
Christmas  dinner,  but  since  you  have  set  your  hearts  upon  it 
I  must  just  give  it  up  to  you,"  said  the  man.  "  But  if  I  sell  it  I 
will  have  the  hand-mill  which  is  standing  there  behind  the 
door." 

At  first  they  would  not  hear  to  this,  and  haggled  and  bar- 
gained with  the  man,  but  he  stuck  to  what  he  had  said,  and 
the  people  were  forced  to  give  him  the  hand-mill.  When  the 
man  came  out  again  into  the  yard  he  asked  the  old  wood- 
cutter how  he  was  to  stop  the  hand-mill,  and  when  he  had 
learned  that,  he  thanked  him  and  set  off  home  with  all  the 
speed  he  could,  but  did  not  get  there  until  after  the  clock  had 
struck  twelve  on  Christmas  eve. 

"  But  where  in  the  world  have  you  been  ? "  said  the  old 
woman.  "  Here  I  have  sat  waiting  hour  after  hour,  and  have 
not  even  two  sticks  to  lay  across  each  other  under  the  Christ- 
mas porridge-pot." 

"  Oh,  I  could  not  come  before.  I  had  something  of  im- 
portance to  see  about,  and  a  long  way  to  go,  too;  but  now 
you  shall  just  see !  "  said  the  man,  and  then  he  set  the  hand- 
mill  on  the  table  and  bade  it  first  grind  light,  then  a  table- 
cloth, and  then  meat,  and  beer,  and  everything  else  that  was 
good  for  a  Christmas  eve's  supper;  and  the  mill  ground  all 
that  he  ordered.  "  Bless  me ! "  said  the  old  woman  as  one 
thing  after  another  appeared ;  and  she  wanted  to  know  where 
her  husband  had  got  the  mill  from,  but  he  would  not  tell  her 
that. 

"  Never  mind  where  I  got  it.  You  can  see  that  it  is  a  good 

[292] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

one,  and  the  water  that  turns  it  will  never  freeze,"  said  the 
man.  So  he  ground  meat  and  drink  and  all  kinds  of  good 
things  to  last  all  Christmastide,  and  on  the  third  day  he  in- 
vited all  his  friends  to  come  to  a  feast. 

Now,  when  the  rich  brother  saw  all  that  there  was  at  the 
banquet,  and  in  the  house,  he  was  both  vexed  and  angry,  for 
he  grudged  everything  his  brother  had.  "  On  Christmas  eve 
he  was  so  poor  that  he  came  to  me  and  begged  for  a  trifle, 
for  Heaven's  sake,  and  now  he  gives  a  feast  as  if  he  were 
both  a  count  and  a  king !  "  thought  he.  "  But  tell  me,  I  pray 
you,  where  you  got  your  riches  from  ?  "  said  he  to  his  brother. 

"  From  behind  the  door,"  said  he  who  owned  the  mill,  for 
he  did  not  choose  to  satisfy  his  brother  on  that  point;  but 
later  in  the  evening,  when  he  had  taken  a  drop  too  much,  he 
could  not  refrain  from  telling  how  he  had  come  by  the  hand- 
mill.  "  There  you  see  what  has  brought  me  all  my  wealth ! " 
said  he,  and  brought  out  the  mill  and  made  it  grind  first  one 
thing  and  then  another.  When  the  brother  saw  that,  he  in- 
sisted on  having  the  mill,  and  after  a  great  deal  of  persuasion 
got  it ;  but  he  had  to  give  three  hundred  dollars  for  it,  and  the 
poor  brother  was  to  keep  it  till  the  hay-making  was  over,  for 
he  thought:  "  If  I  keep  it  as  long  as  that,  I  can  make  it  grind 
meat  and  drink  that  will  last  many  a  long  year."  During  that 
time  you  may  imagine  that  the  mill  did  not  grow  rusty,  and 
when  hay-harvest  came  the  rich  brother  got  it,  but  the  other 
had  taken  good  care  not  to  teach  him  how  to  stop  it.  It  was 
evening  when  the  rich  man  got  the  mill  home,  and  in  the 
morning  he  bade  his  wife  go  out  and  spread  the  hay  after  the 
mowers,  and  he  would  attend  to  the  house  himself  that  day. 

So  when  dinner-time  drew  near  he  set  the  mill  on  the  kitchen 
table  and  said :  "  Grind  herrings  and  milk  pottage,  and  do  it 
both  quickly  and  well." 

So  the  mill  began  to  grind  herrings  and  milk  pottage,  and 
first  all  the  dishes  and  tubs  were  filled,  and  then  the  food  came 
out  all  over  the  kitchen  floor.  The  man  twisted  and  turned 
the  mill  and  did  all  he  could  to  make  it  stop,  but  howsoever 
he  turned  and  screwed,  it  went  on  grinding,  and  in  a  short 

[293] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

time  the  pottage  rose  so  high  that  the  man  was  like  to  be 
drowned.  So  he  threw  open  the  parlor  door,  but  it  was  not 
long  before  the  mill  had  ground  the  parlor  full  too,  and  it  was 
with  difficulty  and  danger  that  the  man  could  go  through  the 
stream  of  pottage  and  get  hold  of  the  door-latch.  When  he  hatl 
the  door  open  he  did  not  stay  long  in  the  room,  but  ran  out, 
and  the  herrings  and  pottage  came  after  him,  and  streamed 
out  over  both  farm  and  field.  Now,  the  wife,  who  was  out 
spreading  the  hay,  began  to  think  dinner  was  long  in  coming, 
and  said  to  the  women  and  the  mowers :  "  Though  the  master 
does  not  call  us  home,  we  may  as  well  go.  It  may  be  that 
he  finds  he  is  not  good  at  making  pottage,  and  I  should  do 
well  to  help  him."  So  they  began  to  straggle  homeward,  but 
when  they  had  got  a  little  way  up  the  hill  they  met  the  her- 
rings and  pottage  and  bread,  all  pouring  forth  and  winding 
about  one  over  the  other,  and  the  man  himself  in  front  of  the 
flood.  "  Would  to  Heaven  that  each  of  you  had  a  hundred 
stomachs !  Take  care  that  you  are  not  drowned  in  the  pot- 
tage," he  cried  as  he  went  by  them  as  if  mischief  were  at  his 
heels,  down  to  where  his  brother  dwelt.  Then  he  begged 
him,  for  pity's  sake,  to  take  the  mill  back  again,  and  that  in 
an  instant,  "  for,"  said  he,  "  if  it  grind  one  hour  more  the 
whole  district  will  be  destroyed  by  herrings  and  pottage."  But 
the  brother  would  not  take  it  until  the  other  paid  him  three 
hundred  dollars,  and  that  he  was  obliged  to  do.  Now  the 
poor  brother  had  both  the  money  and  the  mill  again.  So  it 
was  not  long  before  he  had  a  farmhouse  much  finer  than  that 
in  which  his  brother  lived,  but  the  mill  ground  him  so  much 
money  that  he  covered  it  with  plates  of  gold;  and  the  farm- 
house lay  close  by  the  seashore,  so  it  shone  and  glittered  far 
out  to  sea.  Every  one  who  sailed  by  there  now  had  to  put  in 
to  visit  the  rich  man  in  the  gold  farmhouse,  and  every  one 
wanted  to  see  the  wonderful  mill,  for  the  report  of  it  spread 
far  and  wide,  and  there  was  no  one  who  had  not  heard  tell 
of  it. 

After  a  long,  long  time  a  skipper  came  who  wished  to  sec 
the  mill.    He  asked  if  it  could  make  salt.    "  Yes,  it  could  make 

[294] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

salt,"  said  he  who  owned  it,  and  when  the  skipper  heard  that 
he  wished  with  all  his  might  and  main  to  have  the  mill,  let  it 
cost  what  it  might,  for,  he  thought,  if  he  had  it  he  would  get 
off  having  to  sail  far  away  over  the  perilous  sea  for  freights 
of  salt.  At  first  the  man  would  not  hear  of  parting  with  it, 
but  the  skipper  begged  and  prayed,  and  at  last  the  man  sold 
it  to  him,  and  got  many,  many  thousand  dollars  for  it.  When 
the  skipper  had  the  mill  on  his  back  he  did  not  long  stay  there, 
for  he  was  so  afraid  that  the  man  would  change  his  mind,  and 
he  had  no  time  to  ask  how  he  was  to  stop  its  grinding,  but 
got  on  board  his  ship  as  fast  as  he  could. 

When  he  had  gone  a  little  way  out  to  sea  he  took  the  mill 
on  deck.  "  Grind  salt,  and  grind  both  quickly  and  well,"  said 
the  skipper.  So  the  mill  began  to  grind  salt  till  it  spouted  out 
like  water,  and  when  the  skipper  had  the  ship  filled  he  wanted 
to  stop  the  mill,  but  whichever  way  he  turned  it  and  howso- 
ever much  he  tried  it  went  on  grinding,  and  the  heap  of  salt 
grew  higher  and  higher,  until  at  last  the  ship  sank.  There 
lies  the  mill  at  the  bottom  of  the  sea,  and  still,  day  by  day,  it 
grinds  on ;  and  that  is  why  the  sea  is  salt. 


[295] 


Gudbrand  on   the  Hillside 

^f^  HERE  was  once  upon  a  time  a  man  whose  name  was 

i  Gudbrand.  He  had  a  farm  which  lay  far  away  up 
JL  on  the  side  of  a  hill,  and  therefore  they  called  him 

Gudbrand  on  the  hillside. 

He  and  his  wife  lived  so  happily  together,  and  agreed  so 
well,  that  whatever  the  man  did  the  wife  thought  it  so  well 
done  that  no  one  could  do  it  better.  No  matter  what  he  did, 
she  thought  it  was  always  the  right  thing. 

They  lived  on  their  own  farm,  and  had  a  hundred  dollars 
at  the  bottom  of  their  chest  and  two  cows  in  their  cow-shed. 
One  day  the  woman  said  to  Gudbrand: 

"  I  think  we  ought  to  go  to  town  with  one  of  the  cows  and 
sell  it,  so  that  we  may  have  some  ready  money  by  us.  We 
are  pretty  well  off,  and  ought  to  have  a  few  shillings  in  our 
pocket  like  other  people.  The  hundred  dollars  in  the  chest  we 
mustn't  touch,  but  I  can't  see  what  we  want  with  more  than 
one  cow,  and  it  will  be  much  better  for  us,  as  I  shall  have  only 
one  to  look  after  instead  of  the  two  I  have  now  to  mind  and 
feed." 

Yes,  Gudbrand  thought,  that  was  well  and  sensibly  spoken. 
He  took  the  cow  at  once  and  went  to  town  to  sell  it ;  but  when 
he  got  there  no  one  would  buy  the  cow. 

"  Ah,  well !  "  thought  Gudbrand,  "  I  may  as  well  take  the 
cow  home  again.  I  know  I  have  both  stall  and  food  for  it, 
and  the  way  home  is  no  longer  than  it  was  here."  So  he 
strolled  homeward  again  with  the  cow. 

When  he  had  got  a  bit  on  the  way  he  met  a  man  who 
had  a  horse  to  sell,  and  Gudbrand  thought  it  was  better  to 
have  a  horse  than  a  cow,  and  so  he  changed  the  cow  for  the 
horse. 

[296] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

When  he  had  gone  a  bit  farther  he  met  a  man  who  was 
driving  a  fat  pig  before  him,  and  then  he  thought  it  would 
be  better  to  have  a  fat  pig  than  a  horse,  and  so  he  changed 
with  the  man. 

He  now  went  a  bit  farther,  and  then  he  met  a  man  with  a 
goat,  and  so  he  thought  it  was  surely  better  to  have  a  goat 
than  a  pig,  and  changed  with  the  man  who  had  the  goat. 

Then  he  went  a  long  way,  till  he  met  a  man  who  had  a 
sheep.  He  changed  with  him,  for  he  thought  it  was  always 
better  to  have  a  sheep  than  a  goat. 

When  he  had  got  a  bit  farther  he  met  a  man  with  a  goose, 
and  so  he  changed  the  sheep  for  the  goose.  And  when  he  had 
gone  a  long,  long  way  he  met  a  man  with  a  cock.  He  changed 
the  goose  with  him,  for  he  thought  this  wise :  "  It  is  surely 
better  to  have  a  cock  than  a  goose." 

He  walked  on  till  late  in  the  day,  when  he  began  to  feel 
hungry.  So  he  sold  the  cock  for  sixpence  and  bought  some 
food  for  himself.  "  For  it  is  always  better  to  keep  body  and 
soul  together  than  to  have  a  cock,"  thought  Gudbrand. 

He  then  set  off  again  homeward  till  he  came  to  his  neigh- 
bor's farm,  and  there  he  went  in. 

"  How  did  you  get  on  in  town  ?  "  asked  the  people. 

"  Oh,  only  so-so,"  said  the  man.  "  I  can't  boast  of  my  luck, 
nor  can  I  grumble  at  it  either."  And  then  he  told  them  how 
it  had  gone  with  him  from  first  to  last. 

"  Well,  you'll  have  a  fine  reception  when  you  get  home  to 
your  wife,"  said  the  man.  "  Heaven  help  you !  I  should  not 
like  to  be  in  your  place." 

"  I  think  I  might  have  fared  much  worse,"  said  Gud- 
brand ;  "  but  whether  I  have  fared  well  or  ill,  I  have  such 
a  kind  wife  that  she  never  says  anything,  no  matter  what  I 
do." 

"  Aye,  so  you  say ;  but  you  won't  get  me  to  believe  it,"  said 
the  neighbor. 

"  Shall  we  have  a  wager  on  it?  "  said  Gudbrand.  "  I  have 
a  hundred  dollars  in  my  chest  at  home.  Will  you  lay  the 
same?" 

[2971 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

So  they  made  the  wager  and  Gudbrand  remained  there  till 
the  evening,  when  it  began  to  get  dark,  and  then  they  went 
together  to  the  farm. 

The  neighbor  was  to  remain  outside  the  door  and  listen 
while  Gudbrand  went  in  to  his  wife. 

"  Good  evening !  "  said  Gudbrand  when  he  came  in. 

"  Good  evening !  "  said  the  wife.  "  Heaven  be  praised  you 
are  back  again." 

"  Yes,  here  I  am !  "  said  the  man.  And  then  the  wife  asked 
him  how  he  had  got  on  in  town. 

"  Oh,  so-so,"  answered  Gudbrand.  "  Not  much  to  brag  of. 
When  I  came  to  town  no  one  would  buy  the  cow,  so  I  changed 
it  for  a  horse." 

"  Oh,  I'm  so  glad  of  that,"  said  the  woman.  "  We  are  pretty 
well  off  and  we  ought  to  drive  to  church  like  other  people, 
and  when  we  can  afford  to  keep  a  horse  I  don't  see  why  we 
should  not  have  one.  Run  out,  children,  and  put  the  horse  in 
the  stable." 

"  Well,  I  haven't  got  the  horse,  after  all,"  said  Gudbrand ; 
"  for  when  I  had  got  a  bit  on  the  way  I  changed  it  for  a  pig." 

"  Dear  me !  "  cried  the  woman,  "  that's  the  very  thing  I 
should  have  done  myself.  I'm  so  glad  of  that,  for  now  we 
can  have  some  bacon  in  the  house  and  something  to  offer 
people  when  they  come  to  see  us.  What  do  we  want  with  a 
horse?  People  would  only  say  we  had  become  so  grand  that 
we  could  no  longer  walk  to  church.  Run  out,  children,  and 
let  the  pig  in." 

"  But  I  haven't  got  the  pig  either,"  said  Gudbrand,  "  for 
when  I  had  got  a  bit  farther  on  the  road  I  changed  it  into  a 
milch  goat." 

"  Dear !  dear !  how  well  you  manage  everything !  "  cried  the 
wife.  "  When  I  really  come  to  think  of  it,  what  do  I  want 
with  the  pig  ?  People  would  only  say :  '  Over  yonder  they  eat 
up  everything  they  have.'  No,  now  I  have  a  goat  I  can  have 
both  milk  and  cheese  and  keep  the  goat  into  the  bargain.  Let 
in  the  goat,  children." 

"But  I  haven't  got  the  goat  either,"  said  Gudbrand. 

[298] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  When  I  got  a  bit  on  the  way  I  changed  the  goat  and  got  a 
fine  sheep  for  it." 

"  Well ! "  returned  the  woman,  "  you  do  everything  just  as 
I  should  wish  it — just  as  if  I  had  been  there  myself.  What 
do  we  want  with  a  goat?  I  should  have  to  climb  up  hill  and 
down  dale  to  get  it  home  at  night.  No,  when  I  have  a  sheep 
I  can  have  wool  and  clothes  in  the  house  and  food  as  well. 
Run  out,  children,  and  let  in  the  sheep." 

"  But  I  haven't  got  the  sheep  any  longer,"  said  Gudbrand, 
"  for  when  I  had  got  a  bit  on  the  way  I  changed  it  for  a 
goose." 

"  Well,  thank  you  for  that !  "  said  the  woman ;  "  and  many 
thanks,  too!  What  do  I  want  with  a  sheep?  I  have  neither 
wheel  nor  spindle,  and  I  do  not  care  either  to  toil  and  drudge 
making  clothes;  we  can  buy  clothes  now  as  before.  Now  I 
can  have  goose-fat,  which  I  have  so  long  been  wishing  for, 
and  some  feathers  to  stuff  that  little  pillow  of  mine.  Run, 
children,  and  let  in  the  goose." 

"  Well,  I  haven't  got  the  goose  either,"  said  Gudbrand. 
"  When  I  had  got  a  bit  farther  on  the  way  I  changed  it  for  a 
cock." 

"  Well,  I  don't  know  how  you  can  think  of  it  all ! "  cried 
the  woman.  "  It's  just  as  if  I  had  done  it  all  myself.  A  cock ! 
Why,  it's  just  the  same  as  if  you'd  bought  an  eight-day  clock, 
for  every  morning  the  cock  will  crow  at  four,  so  we  can  be 
up  in  good  time.  What  do  we  want  with  a  goose?  I  can't 
make  goose-fat  and  I  can  easily  fill  my  pillow  with  some  soft 
grass.  Run,  children,  and  let  in  the  cock." 

"  But  I  haven't  the  cock  either,"  said  Gudbrand ;  "  for  when 
I  had  got  a  bit  farther  I  became  so  terribly  hungry  I  had  to 
sell  the  cock  for  sixpence  and  get  some  food  to  keep  body  and 
soul  together." 

"  Heaven   be   praised   you  did   that ! "   cried   the   woman. 

Whatever  you  do,  you  always  do  the  very  thing  I  could  have 
wished.  Besides,  what  did  we  want  with  the  cock?  We  are 
our  own  masters  and  can  lie  as  long  as  we  like  in  the  morn- 
ings. Heaven  be  praised!  As  long  as  I  have  got  you  back 

[299] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

again,  who  manage  everything  so  well,  I  shall  neither  want 
cock,  nor  goose,  nor  pig,  nor  cows." 

Gudbrand  then  opened  the  door.  "  Have  I  won  the  hundred 
dollars  now  ?  "  he  asked.  And  the  neighbor  was  obliged  to 
confess  that  he  had. 


[300] 


The  Pancake 

X*\NCE  on  a  time  there  was  a  goody  who  had  seven 
i  i  hungry  bairns,  and  she  was  frying  a  Pancake  for  them. 
^-^  It  was  a  sweet-milk  Pancake,  and  there  it  lay  in  the 
pan  bubbling  and  frizzling  so  thick  and  good,  it  was  a  sight 
for  sore  eyes  to  look  at.  And  the  bairns  stood  round  about, 
and  the  goodman  sat  by  and  looked  on. 

"  Oh,  give  me  a  bit  of  Pancake,  mother,  dear ;  I  am  so 
hungry,"  said  one  bairn. 

"  Oh,  darling  mother,"  said  the  second. 

"  Oh,  darling,  good  mother,"  said  the  third. 

"  Oh,  darling,  good,  nice  mother,"  said  the  fourth. 

"  Oh,  darling,  pretty,  good,  nice  mother,"  said  the  fifth. 

"  Oh,  darling,  pretty,  good,  nice,  clever  mother,"  said  the 
sixth. 

"  Oh,  darling,  pretty,  good,  nice,  clever,  sweet  mother," 
said  the  seventh. 

So  they  begged  for  the  Pancake  all  round,  the  one  more 
prettily  than  the  other ;  for  they  were  so  hungry  and  so  good. 

"  Yes,  yes,  bairns,  only  bide  a  bit  till  it  turns  itself  " — she 
ought  to  have  said,  "  till  I  can  get  it  turned  " — "  and  then 
you  shall  all  have  some — a  lovely  sweet-milk  Pancake;  only 
look  how  fat  and  happy  it  lies  there." 

When  the  Pancake  heard  that  it  got  afraid,  and  in  a  trice 
it  turned  itself  all  of  itself,  and  tried  to  jump  out  of  the  pan ; 
but  it  fell  back  into  it  again  t'other  side  up,  and  so  when  it 
had  been  fried  a  little  on  the  other  side,  too,  till  it  got  firmer 
in  its  flesh,  it  sprang  out  on  the  floor,  and  rolled  off  like  a 
wheel  through  the  door  and  down  the  hill. 

"  Holloa !  Stop,  Pancake !  "  and  away  went  the  goody  after 
it,  with  the  frying-pan  in  one  hand  and  the  ladle  in  the  other, 

[301] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

as  fast  as  she  could,  and  her  bairns  behind  her,  while  the 
goodman  limped  after  them  last  of  all. 

"  Hi !  won't  you  stop  ?  Seize  it.  Stop,  Pancake/'  they  all 
screamed  out,  one  after  the  other,  and  tried  to  catch  it  on 
the  run  and  hold  it;  but  the  Pancake  rolled  on  and  on,  and 
in  the  twinkling  of  an  eye  it  was  so  far  ahead  that  they 
couldn't  see  it,  for  the  Pancake  was  faster  on  its  feet  than  any 
of  them. 

So  when  it  had  rolled  a  while  it  met  a  man. 

"  Good  day,  Pancake,"  said  the  man. 

"  God  bless  you,  Manny-panny !  "  said  the  Pancake. 

"  Dear  Pancake,"  said  the  man,  "  don't  roll  so  fast ;  stop 
a  little  and  let  me  eat  you." 

"  When  I  have  given  the  slip  to  Goody-poody,  and  the 
goodman,  and  seven  squalling  children,  I  may  well  slip 
through  your  fingers,  Manny-panny,"  said  the  Pancake,  and 
rolled  on  and  on  till  it  met  a  hen. 

"  Good  day,  Pancake,"  said  the  hen. 

"  The  same  to  you,  Henny-penny,"  said  the  Pancake. 

"  Pancake,  dear,  don't  roll  so  fast ;  bide  a  bit  and  let  me 
eat  you  up,"  said  the  hen. 

"  When  I  have  given  the  slip  to  Goody-poody,  and  the 
goodman,  and  seven  squalling  children,  and  Manny-panny,  I 
may  well  slip  through  your  claws,  Henny-penny,"  said  the 
Pancake,  and  so  it  rolled  on  like  a  wheel  down  the  road. 

Just  then  it  met  a  cock. 

"  Good  day,  Pancake,"  said  the  cock. 

"  The  same  to  you,  Cocky-locky,"  said  the  Pancake. 

"  Pancake,  dear,  don't  roll  so  fast,  but  bide  a  bit  and  let  me 
eat  you  up." 

"  When  I  have  given  the  slip  to  Goody-poody,  and  the 
goodman,  and  seven  squalling  children,  and  to  Manny-panny, 
and  Henny-penny,  I  may  well  slip  through  your  claws,  Cocky- 
locky,"  said  the  Pancake,  and  off  it  set  rolling  away  as  fast 
as  it  could ;  and  when  it  had  rolled  a  long  way  it  met  a  duck. 

"  Good  day,  Pancake,"  said  the  duck. 

"  The  same  to  you,  Ducky-lucky." 

[302] 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

"  Pancake,  dear,  don't  roll  away  so  fast ;  bide  a  bit  and  let 
me  eat  you  up." 

"When  I  have  given  the  slip  to  Goody-poody,  and  the 
goodman,  and  seven  squalling  children,  and  Manny-panny, 
and  Henny-penny,  and  Cocky-locky,  I  may  well  slip  through 
your  fingers,  Ducky-lucky,"  said  the  Pancake,  and  with  that 
it  took  to  rolling  and  rolling  faster  than  ever ;  and  when  it  had 
rolled  a  long,  long  while,  it  met  a  goose. 

"  Good  day,  Pancake,"  said  the  goose. 

"  The  same  to  you,  Goosey-poosey." 

"  Pancake,  dear,  don't  roll  so  fast ;  bide  a  bit  and  let  me  eat 
you  up." 

"  When  I  have  given  the  slip  to  Goody-poody,  and  the 
goodman,  and  seven  squalling  children,  and  Manny-panny, 
and  Henny-penny,  and  Cocky-locky,  and  Ducky-lucky,  I  can 
well  slip  through  your  feet,  Goosey-poosey,"  said  the  Pan- 
cake, and  off  it  rolled. 

So  when  it  had  rolled  a  long,  long  way  farther,  it  met  a 
gander. 

"  Good  day,  Pancake,"  said  the  gander. 

"  The  same  to  you,  Gander-pander,"  said  the  Pancake. 

"  Pancake,  dear,  don't  roll  so  fast ;  bide  a  bit  and  let  me 
eat  you  up." 

"  When  I  have  given  the  slip  to  Goody-poody,  and  the 
goodman,  and  seven  squalling  children,  and  Manny-panny, 
and  Henny-penny,  and  Cocky-locky,  and  Ducky-lucky,  and 
Goosey-poosey,  I  may  well  slip  through  your  feet,  Gander- 
pander,"  said  the  Pancake,  and  it  rolled  off  as  fast  as  ever. 

So  when  it  had  rolled  a  long,  long  time,  it  met  a  pig. 

"  Good  day,  Pancake,"  said  the  pig. 

"  The  same  to  you,  Piggy-wiggy,"  said  the  Pancake,  which, 
without  a  word  more,  began  to  roll  and  roll  like  mad. 

"  Nay,  nay,"  said  the  pig,  "  you  needn't  be  in  such  a  hurry ; 
we  two  can  then  go  side  by  side  and  see  each  other  over  the 
wood ;  they  say  it  is  not  too  safe  in  there." 

The  Pancake  thought  there  might  be  something  in  that,  and 
so  they  kept  company.  But  when  they  had  gone  awhile,  they 

[303] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

came  to  a  brook.  As  for  Piggy,  he  was  so  fat  he  swam  safely 
across,  it  was  nothing  to  him ;  but  the  poor  Pancake  couldn't 
get  over. 

"  Seat  yourself  on  my  snout,"  said  the  pig,  "  and  I'll  carry 
you  over/' 

So  the  Pancake  did  that. 

"  Ouf,  ouf,"  said  the  pig,  and  swallowed  the  Pancake  at 
one  gulp ;  and  then,  as  the  poor  Pancake  could  go  no  farther, 
why — this  story  can  go  no  farther  either. 


[304] 


The  Death  of  Chanticleer 

X*\  NCE  on  a  time  there  was  a  cock  and  a  hen,  who  walked 
f  i  out  into  the  field  and  scratched,  and  scraped,  and  scrab- 
v-^  bled.  All  at  once  Chanticleer  found  a  burr  of  hop,  and 
Partlet  found  a  barley-corn;  and  they  said  they  would  make 
malt  and  brew  Yule  ale. 

"  Oh,  I  pluck  barley,  and  I  malt  malt,  and  I  brew  ale,  and 
the  ale  is  good,"  cackled  Dame  Partlet. 

"  Is  the  wort  strong  enough  ?  "  crew  Chanticleer ;  and  as 
he  crowed  he  flew  up  on  the  edge  of  the  cask,  and  tried  to 
have  a  taste ;  but  just  as  he  bent  over  to  drink  a  drop  he 
took  to  flapping  his  wings,  and  so  he  fell  head  over  heels  into 
the  cask  and  was  drowned.  When  Dame  Partlet  saw  that, 
she  clean  lost  her  wits,  and  flew  up  into  the  chimney-corner, 
and  fell  a-scr earning  and  screeching  out.  "  Harm  in  the 
house !  harm  in  the  house !  "  she  screeched  out  all  in  a  breath, 
and  there  was  no  stopping  her. 

"  What  ails  you,  Dame  Partlet,  that  you  sit  there  sobbing 
and  sighing?"  said  the  handquern. 

"Why  not,"  said  Dame  Partlet,  "when  Goodman  Chan- 
ticleer has  fallen  into  the  cask  and  drowned  himself,  and  lies 
dead?  That's  why  I  sigh  and  sob." 

"  Well,  if  I  can  do  naught  else,  I  will  grind  and  groan," 
said  the  handquern;  and  so  it  fell  to  grinding  as  fast  as  it 
could. 

When  the  chair  heard  that  it  said : 

"  What  ails  you,  handquern,  that  you  grind  and  groan  so 
fast  and  oft?" 

"  Why  not,  when  Goodman  Chanticleer  has  fallen  into  the 
cask  and  drowned  himself,  and  Dame  Partlet  sits  in  the  ingle 
and  sighs  and  sobs?  That's  why  I  grind  and  groan,"  said 
the  handquern. 

[305] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  If  I  can  do  naught  else  I  will  crack,"  said  the  chair;  and 
with  that  he  fell  to  creaking  and  cracking, 

When  the  door  heard  that  it  said : 

"  What's  the  matter  ?  Why  do  you  creak  and  crack  so,  Mr. 
Chair?" 

"  Why  not  ?  "  said  the  chair.  "  Goodman  Chanticleer  has 
fallen  into  the  cask  and  drowned  himself;  Dame  Partlet  sits 
in  the  ingle  sighing  and  sobbing,  and  the  handquern  grinds 
and  groans.  That's  why  I  creak  and  crackle,  and  croak  and 
crack." 

"  Well,"  said  the  door,  "  if  I  can  do  naught  else,  I  can 
rattle  and  bang,  and  whistle  and  slam  " ;  and  with  that  it  began 
to  open  and  shut,  and  bang  and  slam ;  it  deaved  one  to  hear, 
and  all  one's  teeth  chattered. 

All  this  the  stove  heard,  and  it  opened  its  mouth  and  called 
out: 

"  Door !  door !  why  all  this  slamming  and  banging  ?  " 

"  Why  not,"  said  the  door,  "  when  Goodman  Chanticleer 
has  fallen  into  the  cask  and  drowned  himself;  Dame  Partlet 
sits  in  the  ingle  sighing  and  sobbing;  the  handquern  grinds 
and  groans,  and  the  chair  creaks  and  cracks.  That's  why  I 
bang  and  slam." 

"  Well,"  said  the  stove,  "  if  I  can  do  naught  else,  I  can 
smolder  and  smoke  " ;  and  so  it  fell  a-smoking  and  steaming 
till  the  room  was  all  in  a  cloud. 

The  ax  saw  this  as  it  stood  outside,  and  peeped  with  its 
shaft  through  the  window. 

"  What's  all  this  smoke  about,  Mrs.  Stove  ?  "  said  the  ax  in 
a  sharp  voice. 

"  Why  not,"  said  the  stove,  "  when  Goodman  Chanticleer 
has  fallen  into  the  cask  and  drowned  himself;  Dame  Partlet 
sits  in  the  ingle  sighing  and  sobbing;  the  handquern  grinds 
and  groans ;  the  chair  creaks  and  cracks,  and  the  door  bangs 
and  slams.  That's  why  I  smoke  and  steam." 

"  Well,  if  I  can  do  naught  else,  I  can  rive  and  rend,"  said 
the  ax ;  and  with  that  it  fell  to  riving  and  rending  all  around 
about. 

[306] 


TALES   OF   LAUGHTER 

This  the  aspen  stood  by  and  saw. 

"  Why  do  you  rive  and  rend  everything  so,  Mr.  Ax  ?  "  said 
the  aspen. 

"  Goodman  Chanticleer  has  fallen  into  the  ale-cask  and 
drowned  himself,"  said  the  ax ;  "  Dame  Partlet  sits  in  the  ingle 
sighing  and  sobbing;  the  handquern  grinds  and  groans;  the 
chair  creaks  and  cracks;  the  door  slams  and  bangs,  and  the 
stove  smokes  and  steams.  That's  why  I  rive  and  rend  all 
about." 

"  Well,  if  I  can  do  naught  else,"  said  the  aspen,  "  I  can 
quiver  and  quake  in  all  my  leaves  " ;  so  it  grew  all  of  a  quake. 

The  birds  saw  this,  and  twittered  out: 

"  Why  do  you  quiver  and  quake,  Miss  Aspen  ?  " 

"  Goodman  Chanticleer  has  fallen  into  the  ale-cask  and 
drowned  himself,"  said  the  aspen,  with  a  trembling  voice; 
"  Dame  Partlet  sits  in  the  ingle  sighing  and  sobbing ;  the 
handquern  grinds  and  groans;  the  chair  creaks  and  cracks; 
the  door  slams  and  bangs;  the  stove  steams  and  smokes, 
and  the  ax  rives  and  rends.  That's  why  I  quiver  and 
quake." 

"  Well,  if  we  can  do  naught  else,  we  will  pluck  off  all  our 
feathers,"  said  the  birds ;  and  with  that  they  fell  a-pilling  and 
plucking  themselves  till  the  room  was  full  of  feathers. 

This  the  master  stood  by  and  saw;  and,  when  the  feathers 
flew  about  like  fun,  he  asked  the  birds : 

"  Why  do  you  pluck  off  all  your  feathers,  you  birds  ?  " 

"  Oh,  Goodman  Chanticleer  has  fallen  into  the  ale-cask  and 
drowned  himself,"  twittered  out  the  birds ;  "  Dame  Partlet  sits 
sighing  and  sobbing  in  the  ingle;  the  handquern  grinds  and 
groans;  the  chair  creaks  and  cracks;  the  door  slams  and 
bangs;  the  stove  smokes  and  steams;  the  ax  rives  and  rends, 
and  the  aspen  quivers  and  quakes.  That's  why  we  are  pilling 
and  plucking  all  our  feathers  off." 

"  Well,  if  I  can  do  nothing  else,  I  can  tear  the  brooms 
asunder,"  said  the  man;  and  with  that  he  fell  tearing  and 
tossing  the  brooms  till  the  birch-twigs  flew  about  east  and 
west. 

[307] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

The  goody  stood  cooking  porridge  for  supper,  and  saw  all 
this. 

"  Why,  man !  "  she  called  out,  "  what  are  you  tearing  the 
brooms  to  bits  for  ?  " 

"  Oh,"  said  the  man,  "  Goodman  Chanticleer  has  fallen  into 
the  ale-vat  and  drowned  himself;  Dame  Partlet  sits  sighing 
and  sobbing  in  the  ingle ;  the  handquern  grinds  and  groans ; 
the  chair  cracks  and  creaks ;  the  door  slams  and  bangs ;  the 
stove  smokes  and  steams ;  the  ax  rives  and  rends ;  the  aspen 
quivers  and  quakes ;  the  birds  are  pilling  and  plucking  all  their 
feathers  off,  and  that's  why  I  am  tearing  the  besoms  to  bits." 

"  So,  so !  "  said  the  goody ;  "  then  I'll  dash  the  porridge  over 
all  the  walls,"  and  she  did  it ;  for  she  took  one  spoonful  after 
the  other,  and  dashed  it  against  the  walls,  so  that  no  one  could 
see  what  they  were  made  of  for  very  porridge. 

That  was  how  they  drank  the  burial  ale  after  Goodman 
Chanticleer,  who  fell  into  the  brewing- vat  and  was  drowned ; 
and,  if  you  don't  believe  it,  you  may  set  off  thither  and  have 
a  taste  both  of  the  ale  and  the  porridge. 


[308] 


Reynard  Wants  to   Taste  Horse-flesh 


day  as  Bruin  lay  by  a  horse  which  he  had  slain, 
and  was  hard  at  work  eating  it,  Reynard  came  along 
that  way,  and  came  up  spying  about  and  licking  his 
lips,  to  see  if  he  might  get  a  taste  of  the  horse-flesh.  So  he 
doubled  and  turned  till  he  got  just  behind  Bruin's  back,  and 
then  he  jumped  on  the  other  side  of  the  carcass  and  snapped 
a  mouthful  as  he  ran  by.  Bruin  was  not  slow  either,  for  he 
made  a  grab  at  Reynard  and  caught  the  tip  of  his  red  brush 
in  his  paw  ;  and  ever  since  then  Reynard's  brush  is  white  at 
the  tip,  as  any  one  may  see. 

But  that  day  Bruin  was  merry,  and  called  out: 

"  Bide  a  bit,  Reynard,  and  come  hither,  and  I'll  tell  you 
how  to  catch  a  horse  for  yourself." 

Yes,  Reynard  was  ready  enough  to  learn,  but  he  did  not 
for  all  that  trust  himself  to  go  very  close  to  Bruin. 

"  Listen,"  said  Bruin.  "  When  you  see  a  horse  asleep,  bask- 
ing in  the  sunshine,  you  must  mind  and  bind  yourself  fast  by 
the  hair  of  his  tail  to  your  brush,  and  then  you  must  make 
your  teeth  meet  in  the  flesh  of  his  thigh." 

As  you  may  fancy,  it  was  not  long  before  Reynard  found 
out  a  horse  that  lay  asleep  in  the  sunshine,  and  then  he  did  as 
Bruin  had  told  him;  for  he  knotted  and  bound  himself  well 
into  the  hair  of  his  tail,  and  made  his  teeth  meet  in  the  horse's 
thigh. 

Up  sprang  the  horse,  and  began  to  kick  and  rear  and  gallop, 
so  that  Reynard  was  dashed  against  stock  and  stone,  and  got 
battered  black  and  blue,  so  that  he  was  not  far  off  losing  both 
wit  and  sense.  And  while  the  horse  galloped,  they  passed  Jack 
Longears,  the  hare. 

[309] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  Whither  away  so  fast,  Reynard?  "  cried  Jack  Longears. 

"  Post-haste,  on  business  of  life  and  death,  dear  Jack,"  cried 
Reynard. 

And  with  that  Jack  stood  upon  his  hind-legs,  and  laughed 
till  his  sides  ached  and  his  jaws  split  right  up  to  his  ears. 
It  was  so  funny  to  see  Reynard  ride  post-haste. 

But  you  must  know,  since  that  ride  Reynard  has  never 
thought  of  catching  a  horse  for  himself.  For  that  once  at 
least  it  was  Bruin  who  had  the  best  of  it  in  wit,  though  they 
do  say  he  is  nearly  always  as  simple-minded  as  the  trolls. 


Bruin  and  Reynard  Partners 

NCE  on  a  time  Bruin  and  Reynard  were  to  own  a  field 
ki  common.  They  had  a  little  clearing  up  in  the  wood, 
and  the  first  year  they  sowed  rye. 

"  Now  we  must  share  the  crop  as  is  fair  and  right,"  said 
Reynard.  "  If  you  like  to  have  the  root,  I'll  take  the  top." 

Yes,  Bruin  was  ready  to  do  that;  but  when  they  had 
threshed  out  the  crop,  Reynard  got  all  the  corn,  but  Bruin 
got  nothing  but  roots  and  rubbish.  He  did  not  like  that  at  all, 
but  Reynard  said  it  was  how  they  had  agreed  to  share  it. 

"  This  year  I  have  the  gain,"  said  Reynard ;  "  next  year  it 
will  be  your  turn.  Then  you  shall  have  the  top,  and  I  shall 
have  to  put  up  with  the  root." 

But  when  the  spring  came,  and  it  was  time  to  sow,  Rey- 
nard asked  Bruin  what  he  thought  of  turnips. 

"  Aye,  aye !  "  said  Bruin,  "  that's  better  food  than  corn  " ; 
and  so  Reynard  thought  also.  But  when  harvest  came  Rey- 
nard got  the  roots,  while  Bruin  got  the  turnip-tops.  And  then 
Bruin  was  so  angry  with  Reynard  that  he  put  an  end  at  once 
to  his  partnership  with  him. 


Pork  and  Honey 


y^T  dawn  the  other  day,  when  Bruin  came  tramping 

jt-i  over  the  bog  with  a  fat  pig,  Reynard  sat  up  on  a 
-^L  JL  stone  by  the  moorside. 

"  Good  day,  grandsire,"  said  the  fox.  "  What's  that  so  nice 
that  you  have  there  ?  " 

"  Pork,"  said  Bruin. 

"  Well,  I  have  got  a  dainty  bit  too,"  said  Reynard. 

"  What  is  that?  "  asked  the  bear. 

"  The  biggest  wild  bee's  comb  I  ever  saw  in  my  life,"  said 
Reynard. 

"  Indeed,  you  don't  say  so,"  said  Bruin,  who  grinned  and 
licked  his  lips,  he  thought  it  would  be  so  nice  to  taste  a  little 
honey.  At  last  he  said :  "  Shall  we  swap  our  fare  ?  " 

"  Nay,  nay!  "  said  Reynard,  "  I  can't  do  that." 

The  end  was  that  they  made  a  bet,  and  agreed  to  name 
three  trees.  If  the  fox  could  say  them  off  faster  than  the 
bear,  he  was  to  have  leave  to  take  one  bite  of  the  bacon ;  but 
if  the  bear  could  say  them  faster,  he  was  to  have  leave  to  take 
one  sup  out  of  the  comb.  Greedy  Bruin  thought  he  was 
sure  to  sup  out  all  the  honey  at  one  breath. 

"Well,"  said  Reynard,  "it's  all  fair  and  right,  no  doubt, 
but  all  I  say  is,  if  I  win,  you  shall  be  bound  to  tear  off  the 
bristles  where  I  am  to  bite." 

"  Of  course,"  said  Bruin,  "  I'll  help  you,  as  you  can't  help 
yourself." 

So  they  were  to  begin  and  name  the  trees. 

"  FIR,  SCOTCH  FIR,  SPRUCE,"  growled  out  Bruin,  for  he 
was  gruff  in  his  tongue,  that  he  was.  But  for  all  that  he  only 
named  two  trees,  for  fir  and  Scotch  fir  are  both  the  same. 

"  Ash,  Aspen,  Oak,"  screamed  Reynard,  so  that  the  wood 
rang  again. 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

So  he  had  won  the  wager,  and  down  he  ran  and  took  the 
heart  out  of  the  pig  at  one  bite,  and  was  just  running  off  with 
it.  But  Bruin  was  angry  because  Reynard  had  taken  the  best 
bit  out  of  the  whole  pig,  and  so  he  laid  hold  of  his  tail  and  held 
him  fast. 

"  Stop  a  bit,  stop  a  bit,"  he  said,  and  was  wild  with  rage. 

"  Never  mind,"  said  the  fox,  "  it's  all  right ;  let  me  go, 
grandsire,  and  I'll  give  you  a  taste  of  my  honey." 

When  Bruin  heard  that,  he  let  go  his  hold,  and  away  went 
Reynard  after  the  honey. 

"  Here,  on  this  honeycomb,"  said  Reynard,  "  lies  a  leaf,  and 
under  this  leaf  is  a  hole,  and  that  hole  you  are  to  suck." 

As  he  said  this  he  held  up  the  comb  under  the  bear's  nose, 
took  off  the  leaf,  jumped  up  on  a  stone,  and  began  to  gibber 
and  laugh,  for  there  was  neither  honey  nor  honeycomb,  but  a 
wasp's  nest,  as  big  as  a  man's  head,  full  of  wasps,  and  out 
swarmed  the  wasps  and  settled  on  Bruin's  head,  and  stung 
him  in  his  eyes  and  ears,  and  mouth  and  snout.  And  he  had 
such  hard  work  to  rid  himself  of  them  that  he  had  no  time 
to  think  of  Reynard. 

And  that's  why,  ever  since  that  day,  Bruin  is  so  afraid  of 
wasps. 


[313] 


How  Reynard  Outwitted  Bruin 

NCE  on  a  time  there  was  a  bear,  who  sat  on  a  hillside 
in  the  sun  and  slept.  Just  then  Reynard  came  slouching 
by  and  caught  sight  of  him. 

"  There  you  sit  taking  your  ease,  grandsire,"  said  the  iox. 
"  Now,  see  if  I  don't  play  you  a  trick."  So  he  went  and 
caught  three  field-mice  and  laid  them  on  a  stump  close  under 
Bruin's  nose,  and  then  he  bawled  out  into  his  ear,  "  Bo !  Bruin, 
here's  Peter  the  Hunter,  just  behind  this  stump";  and  as  he 
bawled  this  out  he  ran  off  through  the  wood  as  fast  as  ever 
he  could. 

Bruin  woke  up  with  a  start,  and  when  he  saw  the  three 
little  mice,  he  was  as  mad  as  a  March  hare,  and  was  going 
to  lift  up  his  paw  and  crush  them,  for  he  thought  it  was  they 
who  had  bellowed  in  his  ear. 

But  just  as  he  lifted  it  he  caught  sight  of  Reynard's  tail 
among  the  bushes  by  the  woodside,  and  away  he  set  after  him, 
so  that  the  underwood  crackled  as  he  went,  and,  to  tell  the 
truth,  Bruin  was  so  close  upon  Reynard  that  he  caught  hold 
of  his  off  hind-foot  just  as  he  was  crawling  into  an  earth 
under  a  pine-root.  So  there  was  Reynard  in  a  pinch ;  but  for 
all  that  he  had  his  wits  about  him,  for  he  screeched  out, 

"  SLIP   THE    PINE-ROOT   AND    CATCH    REYNARD'S   FOOT,"    and   SO 

the  silly  bear  let  his  foot  slip  and  laid  hold  of  the  root  instead. 

But  by  that  time  Reynard  was  safe  inside  the  earth,  and  called 

out: 

"  I  cheated  you  that  time,  too,  didn't  I,  grandsire  ?  " 

"  Out  of  sight  isn't  out  of  mind,"  growled  Bruin  down  the 

earth,  and  was  wild  with  rage. 


tan] 


Nanny  Who  JPouldnt  Go  Home  to  Supper 

rHERE  was  once  upon  a  time  a  woman  who  had  a  son 
and  a  goat.  The  son  was  called  Espen  and  the  goat 
was  called  Nanny.  But  they  were  not  good  friends, 
and  did  not  get  on  together,  for  the  goat  was  perverse  and 
wayward,  as  goats  will  be,  and  she  would  never  go  home  at 
the  right  time  for  her  supper.  So  it  happened  one  evening 
that  Espen  went  out  to  fetch  her  home,  and  when  he  had 
been  looking  for  her  awhile,  he  saw  Nanny  high,  high  up  on 
a  crag. 

"  My  dear  Nanny,  you  must  not  stay  any  longer  up  there ; 
you  must  come  home  now,  it  is  just  supper-time.  I  am  so 
hungry  and  want  my  supper." 

"  No,  I  sha'n  V  said  Nanny,  "  not  before  I  have  finished 
the  grass  on  this  tussock,  and  that  tussock — and  this  and  that 
tussock." 

"  Then  I'll  go  and  tell  mother,"  said  the  lad. 

"  That  you  may,  and  then  I  shall  be  left  to  eat  in  peace," 
said  Nanny. 

So  Espen  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"  Go  to  the  fox  and  ask  him  to  bite  Nanny,"  said  his 
mother. 

The  lad  went  to  the  fox.  "  My  dear  fox,  bite  Nanny,  for 
Nanny  won't  come  home  in  time.  I  am  so  hungry,  and  I  want 
my  supper,"  said  Espen. 

"  No,  I  don't  want  to  spoil  my  snout  on  pig's  bristles  and 
goat's  beard,"  said  the  fox. 

So  the  lad  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"  Well,  go  to  the  wolf/'  said  his  mother. 

[315] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

The  lad  went  to  the  wolf.  "  My  dear  wolf,  tear  the  fox, 
for  the  fox  won't  bite  Nanny,  and  Nanny  won't  come  home 
in  time.  I  am  so  hungry,  and  I  want  my  supper." 

"  No,"  said  the  wolf,  "  I  won't  wear  out  my  paws  and  teeth 
on  a  skinny  fox." 

So  the  lad  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"  Well,  go  to  the  bear  and  ask  him  to  slay  the  wolf,"  said 
the  mother. 

The  lad  went  to  the  bear.  "  My  dear  bear,  slay  the  wolf, 
for  the  wolf  won't  tear  the  fox,  and  the  fox  won't  bite  Nanny, 
and  Nanny  won't  come  home  in  time.  I  am  so  hungry  and 
want  my  supper." 

"  No,  that  I  won't,"  said  the  bear ;  "  I  don't  want  to  wear 
out  my  claws  for  that." 

So  the  lad  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"  Well,  go  to  the  Finn  and  ask  him  to  shoot  the  bear." 

The  lad  went  to  the  Finn.  "  My  dear  Finn,  shoot  the  bear, 
for  the  bear  won't  slay  the  wolf,  the  wolf  won't  tear  the  fox, 
the  fox  won't  bite  Nanny,  and  Nanny  won't  come  home  in 
time.  I  am  so  hungry  and  want  my  supper." 

"  No,  I  will  not,"  said  the  Finn ;  "  I  am  not  going  to  shoot 
away  my  bullets  for  that." 

So  the  lad  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"  Well,  go  to  the  fir,"  said  his  mother,  "  and  ask  it  to  crush 
the  Finn." 

The  lad  went  to  the  fir-tree.  "My  dear  fir,  crush  the 
Finn,  for  the  Finn  won't  shoot  the  bear,  the  bear  won't  slay 
the  wolf,  the  wolf  won't  tear  the  fox,  the  fox  won't  bite 
Nanny,  and  Nanny  won't  come  home  in  time.  I  am  so  hungry 
and  want  my  supper." 

"  No,  I  will  not,"  said  the  fir ;  "I  am  not  going  to  break 
my  boughs  for  that." 

So  the  lad  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"  Well,  go  to  the  fire,"  said  his  mother,  "  and  ask  it  to  burn 
the  fir." 

The  lad  went  to  the  fire.  "  My  dear  fire,  burn  the  fir,  for 
the  fir  won't  crush  the  Finn,  the  Finn  won't  shoot  the  bear, 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

the  bear  won't  slay  the  wolf,  the  wolf  won't  tear  the  fox,  the 
fox  won't  bite  Nanny,  and  Nanny  won't  come  home  in  time. 
I  am  so  hungry  and  want  my  supper." 

"  No,  I  will  not,"  said  the  fire ;  "  I  am  not  going  to  burn 
myself  out  for  that." 

So  the  lad  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"  Well,  go  to  the  water,  and  ask  it  to  quench  the  fire,"  she 
said. 

The  lad  went  to  the  water.  "  My  dear  water,  quench  the 
fire,  for  the  fire  won't  burn  the  fir,  the  fir  won't  crush  the 
Finn,  the  Finn  won't  shoot  the  bear,  the  bear  won't  slay  the 
wolf,  the  wolf  won't  tear  the  fox,  the  fox  won't  bite  Nanny, 
and  Nanny  won't  come  home  in  time.  I  am  so  hungry  and 
want  my  supper." 

"  No,  I  will  not,"  said  the  water ;  "  I  am  not  going  to  waste 
myself  for  that." 

So  the  lad  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"  Well,  go  to  the  ox,"  said  she,  "  and  ask  him  to  drink  up 
the  water." 

The  lad  went  to  the  ox.  "  My  dear  ox,  drink  up  the  water, 
for  the  water  won't  quench  the  fire,  the  fire  won't  burn  the 
fir,  the  fir  won't  crush  the  Finn,  the  Finn  won't  shoot  the  bear, 
the  bear  won't  slay  the  wolf,  the  wolf  won't  tear  the  fox,  the 
fox  won't  bite  Nanny,  and  Nanny  won't  come  home  in  time. 
I  am  so  hungry  and  want  my  supper." 

"  No,  I  will  not,"  said  the  ox ;  "I  am  not  going  to  burst 
myself  for  that." 

So  the  lad  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"  Well,  go  to  the  yoke,"  said  she,  "  and  ask  it  to  throttle 
the  ox." 

The  lad  went  to  the  yoke.  "  My  dear  yoke,  throttle  the  ox, 
for  the  ox  won't  drink  the  water,  the  water  won't  quench  the 
fire,  the  fire  won't  burn  the  fir,  the  fir  won't  crush  the  Finn, 
the  Finn  won't  shoot  the  bear,  the  bear  won't  slay  the  wolf, 
the  wolf  won't  tear  the  fox,  the  fox  won't  bite  Nanny,  and 
Nanny  won't  come  home  in  time.  I  am  so  hungry  and  want 
my  supper." 

[317] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  No,  I  will  not,"  said  the  yoke ;  "  I  am  not  going  to  break 
myself  in  two  for  that." 

So  the  lad  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"Well,  go  to  the  ax,"  said  she,  "and  tell  it  to  split  the 
yoke." 

The  lad  went  to  the  ax.  "My  dear  ax,  split  the  yoke, 
for  the  yoke  won't  throttle  the  ox,  the  ox  won't  drink 
the  water,  the  water  won't  quench  the  fire,  the  fire  won't 
burn  the  fir,  the  fir  won't  crush  the  Finn,  the  Finn  won't 
shoot  the  bear,  the  bear  won't  slay  the  wolf,  the  wolf 
won't  tear  the  fox,  the  fox  won't  bite  Nanny,  and  Nanny 
won't  come  home  in  time,  I  am  so  hungry  and  want  my 
supper." 

"  No,  I  will  not,"  said  the  ax ;  "  I  am  not  going  to  blunt  my 
edge  for  that." 

So  the  lad  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"  Well,  go  to  the  smith,"  said  she,  "  and  ask  him  to  hammer 
the  ax." 

The  lad  went  to  the  smith.  "  My  dear  smith,  hammer  the 
ax,  for  the  ax  won't  split  the  yoke,  the  yoke  won't  throttle 
the  ox,  the  ox  won't  drink  the  water,  the  water  won't  quench 
the  fire,  the  fire  won't  burn  the  fir,  the  fir  won't  crush  the 
Finn,  the  Finn  won't  shoot  the  bear,  the  bear  won't  slay  the 
wolf,  the  wolf  won't  tear  the  fox,  the  fox  won't  bite  Nanny, 
and  Nanny  won't  come  home  in  time.  I  am  so  hungry  and 
want  my  supper." 

"  No,  I  will  not,"  said  the  smith ;  "  I'll  not  burn  my  coals 
and  wear  out  my  sledge-hammers  for  that." 

So  the  lad  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"  Well,  go  to  the  rope,"  said  she,  "  and  ask  it  to  hang  the 
smith." 

The  lad  went  to  the  rope.  "  My  dear  rope,  hang  the  smith, 
for  the  smith  won't  hammer  the  ax,  the  ax  won't  split  the 
yoke,  the  yoke  won't  throttle  the  ox,  the  ox  won't  drink  the 
water,  the  water  won't  quench  the  fire,  the  fire  won't  burn 
the  fir,  the  fir  won't  crush  the  Finn,  the  Finn  won't  shoot  the 
bear,  the  bear  won't  slay  the  wolf,  the  wolf  won't  tear  the  fox, 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

the  fox  won't  bite  Nanny,  and  Nanny  won't  come  home  in 
time.  I  am  so  hungry  and  want  my  supper." 

"  No,  I  will  not,"  said  the  rope ;  "  I  am  not  going  to  break 
in  two  for  that." 

So  the  lad  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"  Well,  go  to  the  mouse,"  said  she,  "  and  ask  her  to  gnaw 
the  rope." 

The  lad  went  to  the  mouse.  "  My  dear  mouse,  gnaw  the 
rope,  for  the  rope  won't  hang  the  smith,  the  smith  won't  ham- 
mer the  ax,  the  ax  won't  split  the  yoke,  the  yoke  won't  throttle 
the  ox,  the  ox  won't  drink  the  water,  the  water  won't  quench 
the  fire,  the  fire  won't  burn  the  fir,  the  fir  won't  crush  the  Finn, 
the  Finn  won't  shoot  the  bear,  the  bear  won't  slay  the  wolf, 
the  wolf  won't  tear  the  fox,  the  fox  won't  bite  Nanny,  and 
Nanny  won't  come  home  in  time.  I  am  so  hungry  and  want 
my  supper." 

"  No,  I  will  not,"  said  the  mouse;  "  I  am  not  going  to  wear 
out  my  teeth  for  that." 

So  the  lad  went  and  told  his  mother. 

"  Well,  go  to  the  cat,"  said  she,  "  and  ask  her  to  catch  the 
mouse." 

The  lad  went  to  the  cat.  "  My  dear  cat,  catch  the  mouse, 
for  the  mouse  won't  gnaw  the  rope,  the  rope  won't  hang  the 
smith,  the  smith  won't  hammer  the  ax,  the  ax  won't  split  the 
yoke,  the  yoke  won't  throttle  the  ox,  the  ox  won't  drink  the 
water,  the  water  won't  quench  the  fire,  the  fire  won't  burn 
the  fir,  the  fir  won't  crush  the  Finn,  the  Finn  won't  shoot  the 
bear,  the  bear  won't  slay  the  wolf,  the  wolf  won't  tear  the  fox, 
the  fox  won't  bite  Nanny,  and  Nanny  won't  come  home  in 
time.  I  am  so  hungry  and  want  my  supper." 

"Yes,  but  give  me  a  drop  of  milk  for  my  kittens  and 
then — "  said  the  cat. 

Yes,  that  she  should  have.  So  the  cat  caught  the  mouse, 
and  the  mouse  gnawed  the  rope,  and  the  rope  hanged  the 
smith,  and  the  smith  hammered  the  ax,  and  the  ax  split  the 
yoke,  and  the  yoke  throttled  the  ox,  and  the  ox  drank  the 
water,  and  the  water  quenched  the  fire,  and  the  fire  burned 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

the  fir,  and  the  fir  crushed  the  Finn,  and  the  Finn  shot  the 
bear,  and  the  bear  slew  the  wolf,  and  the  wolf  tore  the  fox, 
and  the  fox  bit  Nanny,  and  Nanny  took  to  her  heels,  scam- 
pered home,  and  ran  against  the  barn  wall  and  broke  one  of 
her  legs. 

"  M— a— h— a— h !  "  bleated  the  goat.  There  she  lay,  and 
if  she  isn't  dead  she  is  still  limping  about  on  three  legs.  But 
Espen  said  it  served  her  right,  because  she  would  not  come 
home  in  time  for  supper  that  day. 


[320] 


The  Box  With  Something  Pretty  In  It 

NCE  on  a  time  there  was  a  little  boy  who  was  out  walk- 
mS  on  tne  road,  and  when  he  had  walked  a  bit  he  found 
a  box. 

"  I  am  sure  there  must  be  something  pretty  in  this  box,"  he 
said  to  himself;  but  however  much  he  turned  it,  and  however 
much  he  twisted  it,  he  was  not  able  to  get  it  open. 

But  when  he  had  walked  a  bit  farther,  he  found  a  little  tiny 
key.  Then  he  grew  tired  and  sat  down,  and  all  at  once  he 
thought  what  fun  it  would  be  if  the  key  fitted  the  box,  for  it 
had  a  little  keyhole  in  it.  So  he  took  the  little  key  out  of  his 
pocket,  and  then  he  blew  first  into  the  pipe  of  the  key,  and 
afterward  into  the  keyhole,  and  then  he  put  the  key  into  the 
keyhole  and  turned  it.  "  Snap !  "  it  went  within  the  lock ;  and 
when  he  tried  the  hasp,  the  box  was  open. 

But  can  you  guess  what  there  was  in  the  box?  Why,  a 
cow's  tail;  and  if  the  cow's  tail  had  been  longer,  this  story 
would  have  been  longer  too. 


The  Farmer  and  the   Troll 

TROLL  once  lived  in  a  little  hill  that  stood  in  the 
corner  of  a  farm.  Thinking  that  the  ground  should 
not  lie  idle  the  Farmer  came  one  day  and  began  to 
plow  it  up.  He  had  hardly  begun,  when  the  Troll  appeared 
and  asked: 

"  How  dare  you  plow  in  the  roof  of  my  house  ?  " 
"  I  did  not  know  it  was  the  roof  of  your  house,"  returned 
the  Farmer.    "  I  thought  it  a  pity  to  let  such  a  good  piece  of 
land  lie  idle,  and  I  think  so  still.    Let  me  make  an  agreement 
with  you." 

"What  is  your  agreement?"  said  the  Troll. 
"  Well,  let  me  see.  I  will  plow,  sow,  and  reap  the  ground 
every  year,  and  we  will  take  the  produce  year  and  year  about. 
One  year  you  will  take  what  grows  above  ground,  and  I  will 
take  what  grows  below.  Then  we  can  change  around,  and  I 
will  take  what  grows  above  ground,  and  you,  what  grows 
below.  What  do  you  say  ?  " 

"  Very  well,"  answered  the  Troll ;  "  that  will  satisfy  me." 
The  agreement  was  then  made ;  but  the  crafty  Farmer  took 
care  to  sow  carrots  the  year  the  Troll  was  to  have  what  grew 
above  ground,  and  corn  the  year  the  Troll  was  to  have  what 
grew  below.  So  the  poor  elf  got  only  carrot-tops  and  corn- 
roots.  However,  he  was  content,  and  the  Farmer  and  he  lived 
for  years  amicably  under  this  arrangement. 


[322] 


Ones  Own  Children  Always   Prettiest 


upon  a  time  a  man  went  out  shooting  in  a  forest, 
and  there  he  met  a  woodcock. 

"  Pray,  don't  shoot  my  children,"  cried  the  woodcock. 

"  What  are  your  children  like  ?  "  asked  the  man. 

"  Mine  are  the  prettiest  children  in  the  forest,"  answered 
the  woodcock. 

"  I  suppose  I  mustn't  shoot  them,  then,"  said  the  man. 

When  he  came  back  he  carried  in  his  hand  a  whole  string  of 
young  woodcocks  which  he  had  shot. 

"  Oh,  dear,  oh,  dear  !     Why,  you  have  shot  my  children 
after  all  !  "  wept  the  woodcock. 

"  Are  these  yours?  "  said  the  man.    "  Why,  I  shot  the  ugli- 
est I  could  find." 

"  Yes,  yes,"  answered  the  woodcock  ;  "  but  don't  you  know 
that  every  one  thinks  his  own  children  the  prettiest  ?  " 


[323] 


The  Princess  Whom  Nobody  Could  Silence 

rHERE  was  once  upon  a  time  a  king,  and  he  had  a 
daughter  who  would  always  have  the  last  word;  she 
was  so  perverse  and  contrary  in  her  speech  that  no 
one  could  silence  her.  So  the  king  therefore  promised  that  he 
who  could  outwit  the  Princess  should  have  her  in  marriage 
and  half  the  kingdom  besides.  There  were  plenty  of  those 
who  wanted  to  try,  I  can  assure  you ;  for  it  isn't  every  day 
that  a  princess  and  half  a  kingdom  are  to  be  had. 

The  gate  to  the  palace  hardly  ever  stood  still.  The  suitors 
came  in  swarms  and  flocks  from  east  and  west,  both  riding 
and  walking.  But  there  was  no  one  who  could  silence  the 
Princess.  At  last  the  king  announced  that  those  who  tried 
and  did  not  succeed  should  be  branded  on  both  ears  with  a 
large  iron ;  he  would  not  have  all  this  running  about  the  palace 
for  nothing. 

So  there  were  three  brothers  who  had  also  heard  about  the 
Princess,  and  as  they  were  rather  badly  off  at  home,  they 
thought  they  would  try  their  luck  and  see  if  they  could  win 
the  Princess  and  half  the  kingdom.  They  were  good  friends, 
and  so  they  agreed  to  set  out  together. 

When  they  had  got  a  bit  on  the  way  Ashiepattle  found  a 
dead  magpie. 

"I  have  found  something!  I  have  found  something!" 
cried  he. 

"  What  have  you  found  ?  "  asked  the  brothers. 

"  I  have  found  a  dead  magpie,"  said  he. 

"  Faugh !  throw  it  away ;  what  can  you  do  with  that  ?  "  said 
the  other  two,  who  always  believed  they  were  the  wisest. 

[324] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  Oh,  I've  nothing  else  to  do.  I  can  easily  carry  it,"  said 
Ashiepattle. 

When  they  had  gone  on  a  bit  farther  Ashiepattle  found  an 
old  willow  twig,  which  he  picked  up. 

"  I  have  found  something !  I  have  found  something !  "  he 
cried. 

"  What  have  you  found  now  ?  "  said  the  brothers. 

"  I  have  found  a  willow  twig,"  said  he. 

"  Pooh !  what  are  you  going  to  do  with  that  ?  Throw  it 
away,"  said  the  two. 

"  I  have  nothing  else  to  do.  I  can  easily  carry  it  with  me," 
said  Ashiepattle. 

When  they  had  gone  still  farther  he  found  a  broken  saucer, 
which  he  also  picked  up. 

"  Here  lads,  I  have  found  something !  I  have  found  some- 
thing !  "  said  he. 

"  Well,  what  have  you  found  now  ?  "  asked  the  brothers. 

"  A  broken  saucer,"  said  he. 

"  Pshaw !  Is  it  worth  while  dragging  that  along  with  you 
too  ?  Throw  it  away !  "  said  the  brothers. 

"  Oh,  I've  nothing  else  to  do.  I  can  easily  carry  it  with  me," 
said  Ashiepattle. 

When  they  had  gone  a  little  bit  farther  he  found  a  crooked 
goat-horn,  and  soon  after  he  found  the  fellow  to  it. 

"  I  have  found  something !  I  have  found  something,  lads !  " 
said  he. 

"  What  have  you  found  now  ?  "  said  the  others. 

"  Two  goat-horns,"  answered  Ashiepattle. 

"  Ugh !  Throw  them  away !  What  are  you  going  to  do 
with  them  ?  "  said  they. 

"  Oh,  I  have  nothing  else  to  do.  I  can  easily  carry  them 
with  me,"  said  Ashiepattle. 

In  a  little  while  he  found  a  wedge. 

"  I  say,  lads,  I  have  found  something !  I  have  found  some- 
thing ! "  he  cried. 

"  You  are  everlastingly  finding  something !  What  have  you 
found  now  ?  "  asked  the  two  eldest. 

[325] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  I  have  found  a  wedge/'  he  answered. 

"  Oh,  throw  it  away !  What  are  you  going  to  do  with  it?  " 
said  they. 

"  Oh,  I  have  nothing  else  to  do.  I  can  easily  carry  it  with 
me,"  said  Ashiepattle. 

As  he  went  across  the  king's  fields,  which  had  been  freshly 
manured,  he  stooped  down  and  took  up  an  old  boot-sole. 

"  Hullo,  lads !  I  have  found  something !  I  have  found 
something !  "  said  he. 

"  Heaven  grant  you  may  find  a  little  sense  before  you  get 
to  the  palace !  "  said  the  two.  "  What  is  it  you  have  found 
now?" 

"  An  old  boot-sole,"  said  he. 

"  Is  that  anything  worth  picking  up  ?  Throw  it  away ! 
What  are  you  going  to  do  with  it  ?  "  said  the  brothers. 

"  Oh,  I  have  nothing  else  to  do.  I  can  easily  carry  it  with 
me,  and — who  knows? — it  may  help  me  to  win  the  Princess 
and  half  the  kingdom,"  said  Ashiepattle. 

"  Yes,  you  look  a  likely  one,  don't  you  ? "  said  the  other 
two.  So  they  went  in  to  the  Princess,  the  eldest  first. 

"  Good  day !  "  said  he. 

"  Good  day  to  you !  "  answered  she,  with  a  shrug. 

"  It's  terribly  hot  here,"  said  he. 

"  It's  hotter  in  the  fire,"  said  the  Princess.  The  branding- 
iron  was  lying  waiting  in  the  fire. 

When  he  saw  this  he  was  struck  speechless,  and  so  it  was 
all  over  with  him. 

The  second  brother  fared  no  better. 

"  Good  day !  "  said  he. 

"  Good  day  to  you,"  said  she,  with  a  wriggle. 

"  It's  terribly  hot  here !  "  said  he. 

"  It's  hotter  in  the  fire,"  said  she.  With  that  he  lost  both 
speech  and  wits,  and  so  the  iron  had  to  be  brought  out. 

Then  came  Ashiepattle's  turn. 

"  Good  day !  "  said  he. 

"  Good  day  to  you !  "  said  she,  with  a  shrug  and  a  wriggle. 

"  It  is  very  nice  and  warm  here !  "  said  Ashiepattle. 

[326] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  It's  warmer  in  the  fire,"  she  answered.  She  was  in  no 
better  humor  now  she  saw  the  third  suitor. 

"  Then  there's  a  chance  for  me  to  roast  my  magpie  on  it," 
said  he,  bringing  it  out. 

"  I'm  afraid  it  will  sputter,"  said  the  Princess. 

"  No  fear  of  that !  I'll  tie  this  willow  twig  round  it,"  said 
the  lad. 

"  You  can't  tie  it  tight  enough,"  said  she. 

"  Then  I'll  drive  in  a  wedge,"  said  the  lad,  and  brought  out 
the  wedge. 

"  The  fat  will  be  running  off  it,"  said  the  Princess. 

"  Then  I'll  hold  this  under  it,"  said  the  lad,  and  showed  her 
the  broken  saucer. 

"  You  are  so  crooked  in  your  speech,"  said  the  Princess. 

"  No,  I  am  not  crooked,"  answered  the  lad ;  "  but  this  is 
crooked  " ;  and  he  brought  out  one  of  the  goat-horns. 

"  Well,  I've  never  seen  the  like !  "  cried  the  Princess. 

"  Here  you  see  the  like,"  said  he,  and  brought  out  the  other 
horn. 

"  It  seems  you  have  come  here  to  wear  out  my  soul ! "  she 
said. 

"  No,  I  have  not  come  here  to  wear  out  your  soul,  for  I 
have  one  here  which  is  already  worn  out,"  answered  the  lad, 
and  brought  out  the  old  boot-sole. 

The  Princess  was  so  dum founded  at  this  that  she  was  com- 
pletely silenced. 

"  Now  you  are  mine !  "  said  Ashiepattle,  and  so  he  got  her 
and  half  the  kingdom  into  the  bargain. 


[327] 


The   Money-box 


/N  a  nursery  where  a  number  of  toys  lay  scattered  about, 
a  Money-box  stood  on  the  top  of  a  very  high  wardrobe. 
It  was  made  of  clay  in  the  shape  of  a  pig,  and  had  been 
bought  of  the  potter.  In  the  back  of  the  pig  was  a  slit,  and  this 
slit  had  been  enlarged  with  a  knife,  so  that  dollars,  or  crown 
pieces,  might  slip  through ;  and,  indeed,  there  were  two  crown 
pieces  in  the  box,  besides  a  number  of  pence.  The  money-pig 
was  stuffed  so  full  that  it  could  no  longer  rattle,  which  is  the 
highest  state  of  perfection  to  which  a  money-pig  can  attain. 
There  he  stood  upon  the  cupboard,  high  and  lofty,  looking 
down  upon  everything  else  in  the  room.  He  knew  very  well 
that  he  had  enough  inside  him  to  buy  up  all  the  other  toys, 
and  this  gave  him  a  very  good  opinion  of  his  own  value.  The 
rest  thought  of  this  fact  also,  although  they  did  not  speak  of 
it,  for  there  were  so  many  other  things  to  talk  about.  A  large 
doll,  still  handsome,  though  rather  old,  for  her  neck  had  been 
mended,  lay  inside  one  of  the  drawers  which  was  partly  open. 
She  called  out  to  the  others :  "  Let  us  have  a  game  at  being 
men  and  women ;  that  is  worth  playing  at." 

Upon  this  there  was  a  great  uproar;  even  the  engravings, 
which  hung  in  frames  on  the  wall,  turned  round  in  their  ex- 
citement, and  showed  that  they  had  a  wrong  side  to  them, 
although  they  had  not  the  least  intention  to  expose  themselves 
in  this  way,  or  to  object  to  the  game.  It  was  late  at  night, 
but  as  the  moon  shone  through  the  windows,  they  had  light 
at  a  cheap  rate,  and  as  the  game  was  now  to  begin,  all  were 
invited  to  take  part  in  it,  even  the  children's  wagon,  which 
certainly  belonged  to  the  coarser  playthings.  "  Each  has  its 
own  value,"  said  the  wagon ;  "  we  cannot  all  be  noblemen ; 
there  must  be  some  to  do  the  work." 

[328] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

The  money-pig  was  the  only  one  who  received  a  written 
invitation.  He  stood  so  high  that  they  were  afraid  he  would 
not  accept  a  verbal  message.  But  in  his  reply  he  said  that, 
if  he  had  to  take  a  part,  he  must  enjoy  the  sport  from  his  own 
home ;  they  were  to  arrange  for  him  to  do  so ;  and  so  they  did. 
The  little  toy  theater  was  therefore  put  up  in  such  a  way  that 
the  money-pig  could  look  directly  into  it.  Some  wanted  to 
begin  with  a  comedy,  and  afterward  to  have  a  tea-party  and 
a  discussion  for  mental  improvement,  but  they  commenced 
with  the  latter  first.  The  rocking-horse  spoke  of  training  and 
races ;  the  wagon,  of  railways  and  steam-power,  for  these  sub- 
jects belonged  to  each  of  their  professions,  and  it  was  right 
they  should  talk  of  them.  The  clock  talked  politics — "  tick, 
tick  " ;  he  professed  to  know  what  was  the  time  of  day,  but 
there  was  a  whisper  that  he  did  not  go  correctly.  The  bamboo 
cane  stood  by,  looking  stiff  and  proud — he  was  vain  of  his 
brass  ferrule  and  silver  top ;  and  on  the  sofa  lay  two  worked 
cushions,  pretty  but  stupid.  When  the  play  at  the  little  theater 
began,  the  rest  sat  and  looked  on ;  they  were  requested  to  ap- 
plaud and  stamp,  and  the  whip  to  crack,  when  they  felt  grati- 
fied with  what  they  saw.  But  the  riding-whip  said  he  never 
cracked  for  old  people,  only  for  the  young  who  were  not  yet 
married.  "  I  crack  for  everybody,"  said  the  cracker. 

"  Yes,  and  a  fine  noise  you  make,"  thought  the  audience, 
as  the  play  went  on. 

It  was  not  worth  much,  but  it  was  very  well  played,  and  all 
the  characters  turned  their  painted  sides  to  the  audience,  for 
they  were  made  only  to  be  seen  on  one  side.  The  acting  was 
wonderful,  excepting  that  sometimes  they  came  out  beyond 
the  lamps,  because  the  wires  were  a  little  too  long.  The  doll, 
whose  neck  had  been  darned,  was  so  excited  that  the  place  in 
her  neck  burst,  and  the  money-pig  declared  he  must  do  some- 
thing for  one  of  the  players,  as  they  had  all  pleased  him  so 
much.  So  he  made  up  his  mind  to  mention  one  of  them  in 
his  will,  as  the  one  to  be  buried  with  him  in  the  family  vault, 
whenever  that  event  should  happen.  They  all  enjoyed  the 
comedy  so  much  that  they  gave  up  all  thoughts  of  the  tea- 

[329] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

party,  and  only  carried  out  their  idea  of  intellectual  amuse- 
ment, which  they  called  playing  at  men  and  women ;  and  there 
was  nothing  wrong  about  it,  for  it  was  only  play.  All  the 
while,  each  one  thought  most  of  himself,  or  of  what  the 
money-pig  could  be  thinking.  His  thoughts  were  on  (as  he 
supposed)  a  very  distant  time — of  making  his  will,  and  of  his 
burial,  and  of  when  it  might  all  come  to  pass.  Certainly 
sooner  than  he  expected — for  all  at  once  down  he  came  from 
the  top  of  the  press,  fell  on  the  ground,  and  was  broken  to 
pieces.  Then  the  pennies  hopped  and  danced  about  in  the 
most  amusing  manner.  The  little  ones  twirled  round  like  tops, 
and  the  large  ones  rolled  away  as  far  as  they  could,  espe- 
cially one  of  the  great  silver  crown  pieces  who  had  often 
wanted  to  go  out  into  the  world,  and  now  he  had  his  wish  as 
well  as  all  the  rest  of  the  money.  The  pieces  of  the  money-pig 
were  thrown  into  the  dust-bin,  and  the  next  day  there  stood 
a  new  money-pig  on  the  cupboard,  but  it  had  not  a  farthing 
in  its  inside  yet,  and  therefore  it  could  not  rattle  like  the  old 
one.  This  was  the  beginning  with  him,  and  we  will  make  it 
the  end  of  our  story. 

HANS  CHRISTIAN  ANDERSEN. 


[330] 


The  Darning-Needle 


X^vNCE  upon  a  time  there  was  a  Darning-needle  which 
t  m  thought  itself  so  fine  and  grand  it  ought  to  have  been 
^S  a  sewing-needle. 

"Be  careful,"  it  said  to  the  fingers  which  held  it.  "Be 
sure  you  don't  let  me  fall,  for  I  am  so  thin  you  will  never  find 
me  again." 

"  That's  what  you  think,"  said  the  fingers,  as  they  closed 
firmly  round  its  body. 

"  Look  out !  I  am  followed  by  my  train,"  said  the  Darn- 
ing-needle, and  a  long  thread  came  trailing  behind  it ;  but  the 
thread  had  no  knot  in  it. 

The  fingers  guided  the  needle  straight  toward  the  cook's 
slipper. 

There  was  a  little  tear  in  the  leather,  and  it  must  be  mended. 

"  This  sort  of  work  is  quite  beneath  me,"  said  the  Needle ; 
"  I  can  never  do  it.  I  shall  break — I  know  I  shall !  "  And 
break  it  did.  "  Did  not  I  tell  you  I  was  too  slender  for  such 
a  task  ?  "  asked  the  Darning-needle. 

"  There,  now  you  are  good  for  nothing,"  said  the  fingers ; 
but  they  still  held  the  needle  firmly,  and  soon  they  had  fixed 
a  ball  of  sealing-wax  on  the  top. 

The  cook  now  used  it  as  a  pin  to  fasten  her  scarf. 

"  Ho,  ho !  So  I'm  a  scarf-pin  now !  I  always  knew  I 
should  make  my  way  in  the  world.  Worth  always  tells  in 
the  end,"  said  the  Needle.  And  it  chuckled  to  itself,  although 
you  could  not  see  it  do  so.  A  darning-needle  never  lets  you 
see  it  laugh. 

This  one  sat  bolt  upright  and  gazed  in  all  directions,  just 
as  if  it  were  riding  in  a  state  carriage. 

"  Might  I  be  allowed  to  inquire  if  you  are  made  of  gold  ?  " 

[  331  ] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

it  asked  of  its  neighbor — a  pin.  "  You  have  a  very  bright 
look,  and  a  head  of  your  own,  though  it  is  ridiculously  small. 
You  must  do  your  best  to  grow  a  bit.  Of  course,  it  is  not 
every  one  who  is  decorated  with  a  ball  of  red  sealing-wax !  " 

The  Darning-needle  drew  itself  up  so  proudly  as  it  said  this, 
that  it  overbalanced  and  fell  out  of  the  scarf  into  the  sink, 
which  the  cook  at  that  moment  was  rinsing  down. 

"  Now  I  am  going  to  see  the  world,"  thought  the  Needle. 
"  I  hope  I  shall  not  lose  myself/'  But  lose  itself  it  did.  And 
as  it  was  washed  through  a  long,  greasy  pipe  and  carried 
away  into  the  gutter,  it  said :  "  I  am  not  coarse  and  strong 
enough  to  hold  my  own  in  this  world,  but  I  know  who  and 
what  I  am,  and  that's  a  great  comfort." 

And  the  Darning-needle  kept  its  proud  bearing,  and  did 
not  lose  its  bright  way  of  looking  at  things,  although  all  sorts 
of  objects  passed  over  it — chips  of  wood,  and  pieces  of  straw, 
and  old  newspaper. 

"  Look  how  they  sail !  "  it  said.  "  But  they  little  know 
what  lies  beneath  them.  I  stick  fast  here,  and  there  goes  a 
chip,  a  mere  chip,  looking  as  if  it  thought  it  was  all  the 
world.  And  there's  a  straw  floating  by,  too.  How  it  whirls 
round  and  round ;  it  had  better  take  care  lest  it  run  against  a 
stone.  Ah!  and  now  there  is  a  piece  of  newspaper.  Giving 
itself  such  airs,  too!  as  if  all  that  was  printed  on  it  was  not 
forgotten  long  ago.  I  have  to  sit  still,  patiently  and  alone ; 
but  I  know  who  I  am,  and  that  I  shall  continue  still  to  be, 
and  that  is  a  great  comfort." 

One  day  a  piece  of  glass  bottle  lay  beside  the  Darning- 
needle,  and  because  it  glittered  so  splendidly  the  needle 
thought  it  must  certainly  be  a  diamond ;  so  it  spoke  and  intro- 
duced itself. 

"  Good  morning,"  it  said.  "  I  am  a  scarf-pin.  I  believe  I 
have  the  pleasure  of  speaking  to  a  diamond  ?  " 

"  Yes,  I  am  a  member  of  that  family,  I  believe,"  was  the 
answer. 

And  thus  they  both  thought  each  other  very  superior,  and 
spoke  together  of  the  vanity  and  pride  of  the  world. 

[332] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  I  lived  in  a  girl's  work-box,"  the  Darning-needle  said. 
"  She  was  a  cook,  and  had  five  fingers  on  each  hand ;  but  I 
never  saw  anything  so  conceited  as  those  fingers  in  my  life! 
And  after  all  is  said  and  done,  they  were  only  there  to  take 
me  out  and  put  me  back  into  the  box  again." 

"  Were  they  very  aristocratic,  then  ? "  the  piece  of  glass 
asked. 

"Aristocratic?  No;  but  very  proud.  They  were  brothers, 
all  born  fingers,  and  they  kept  to  themselves.  They  were 
various  heights,  too.  The  first — named  the  Thumb — was  short 
and  broad,  and  held  himself  rather  aloof  from  the  others.  He 
only  had  one  joint  in  his  back,  so  could  only  make  one  bow ; 
but  he  said  a  man  could  not  be  a  soldier  unless  he  possessed 
one  like  him  on  his  hand.  The  second  was  called  Sweet-tooth, 
and  was  used  to  put  into  sweet  and  sour  dishes,  to  point  to  the 
sky  and  the  stars,  and  to  make  the  down-strokes  of  the  pen 
when  the  fingers  wrote  a  letter.  Long-one  was  the  third,  and 
could  look  over  all  the  heads  of  the  others.  Ringold,  the 
fourth,  wore  a  golden  belt  round  his  waist ;  and  the  last  one 
of  all  was  Playboy,  who  never  did  a  stroke  of  work,  and  was 
proud  of  it.  "  But  I  had  to  leave  them,"  said  the  Needle ; 
"  they  could  do  nothing  but  boast." 

"  And  now  here  we  sit  and  glitter,"  murmured  the  piece  of 
glass. 

But  at  that  moment  the  water  came  rushing  along  the  gut- 
ter and  carried  off  the  piece  of  glass  in  its  arms. 

"  He  has  received  promotion  already,"  said  the  Darning- 
needle.  "  It  is  my  pride  that  stands  in  my  way.  I  am  so 
very  fine,  and  I  am  quite  right  to  keep  myself  to  myself," 
and  it  sat  up  erect  and  proud,  and  was  filled  with  great 
thoughts.  "  I  surely  must  be  the  child  of  some  sunbeam,"  it 
thought.  "  I  am  so  very  fine,  and  the  sunbeams  always  seem 
to  me  to  be  trying  to  find  me  beneath  the  water.  Perhaps 
I  am  too  slender  for  my  mother  to  be  able  to  see  me.  I'm 
sure  if  I  had  my  old  eye  that  was  broken  off  I  should  cry. 
But  I  won't;  it's  not  well-bred  to  cry." 

Then  one  day  some  ragamuffins  came  poking  in  the  gutter 

[333] 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

to  find  farthings  and  old  nails,  and  other  such  precious  things. 
It  was  very  muddy  and  dirty,  but  they  only  enjoyed  it  the 
better  for  that. 

"  Ugh !  "  cried  one,  as  the  Darning-needle  ran  into  his  fin- 
ger. "  Ugh !  you  great  ugly  fellow !  " 

"  I  am  a  miss,  and  not  a  fellow !  "  shrieked  the  Darning- 
needle  ;  but  no  one  heard  it. 

The  ball  of  sealing-wax  had  fallen  off,  and  the  needle  had 
turned  quite  black,  but  it  felt  more  pleased  with  itself  than 
ever,  for  one  looks  so  much  slimmer  in  black. 

"  Here,  let  us  stick  it  into  this  egg-shell !  "  they  called,  and 
the  Darning-needle  was  fixed  firmly. 

"  These  white  walls  must  be  very  becoming  to  me,"  the 
Darning-needle  thought.  "  I  shall  show  up  well  against  them, 
and  shall  certainly  be  seen  at  last.  I  hope  I  shall  not  become 
seasick  or  break." 

But  the  Darning-needle  became  neither  seasick,  nor  did  it 
break.  A  steel  stomach  is  a  good  preventive  against  seasick- 
ness ;  and  it  did  not  forget  that  it  was  something  better  than 
a  mere  man. 

"  Really,  the  finer  one  is,  the  more  one  can  bear,"  it  thought. 

"  C-r-r-rack ! "  groaned  the  egg-shell,  as  the  wheels  of  a 
cart  passed  over  it. 

"  Gracious  heavens !  how  it  presses !  "  gasped  the  Darning- 
needle.  "  I  do  believe  I  am  going  to  be  seasick,  after  all.  I 
shall  break!" 

But,  although  the  heavy  cart  rolled  over  it,  it  did  not  break, 
only  lay  stretched  full  length  in  the  mud,  and  there  it  may  stay, 
for  there  is  no  more  of  its  story  worth  listening  to. 

HANS  CHRISTIAN  ANDERSEN. 


[334] 


Master   of  All  Masters 

GIRL  once  went  to  the  fair  to  hire  herself  for  a  serv- 
ant.  At  last  a  funny-looking  old  gentleman  engaged 
her,  and  took  her  home  to  his  house.  When  she  got 

there,  he  told  her  that  he  had  something  to  teach  her,  for 

that  in  his  house  he  had  his  own  names  for  things. 
He  said  to  her:  "  What  will  you  call  me?  " 
"  Master  or  mister,  or  whatever  you  please,  sir,"  says  she, 
He  said :  "  You  must  call  me  '  Master  of  all  Masters.'    And 

what  would  you  call  this  ?  "  pointing  to  his  bed. 
"  Bed  or  couch,  or  whatever  you  please,  sir." 
"  No,  that's  my  '  barnacle.'  And  what  do  you  call  these  ?  " 

said  he,  pointing  to  his  pantaloons. 

"  Breeches  or  trousers,  or  whatever  you  please,  sir." 

"  You  must  call  them  '  squibs  and  crackers/     And  what 

would  you  call  her  ?  "  pointing  to  the  cat. 
"  Cat  or  kit,  or  whatever  you  please,  sir." 
"  You  must  call  her  '  white-faced  simminy.'  And  this,  now," 

showing  the  fire,  "  what  would  you  call  this  ?  " 
"  Fire  or  flame,  or  whatever  you  please,  sir." 
"  You  must  call  it  '  hot  cockalorum.'    And  what,  this  ?  "  he 

went  on,  pointing  to  the  water. 

"  Water  or  wet,  or  whatever  you  please,  sir." 

"  No,  '  pondalorum  '  is  its  name.    And  what  do  you  call  all 

this  ?  "  asked  he,  as  he  pointed  to  the  house. 

"  House  or  cottage,  or  whatever  you  please,  sir." 

"  You  must  call  it  '  high  topper  mountain/  " 

That  very  night  the  servant  woke  her  master  up  in  a  fright 

and  said :  "  Master  of  all  Masters,  get  out  of  your  barnacle 

and  put  on  your  squibs  and  crackers.  For  white- faced  simminy 

has  got  a  spark  of  hot  cockalorum  on  its  tail,  and  unless  you 

get  some  pondalorum,  high  topper  mountain  will  be  all  on  hot 

cockalorum."  ....  That's  all. 

[335] 


Belling  the   Cat 


upon  a  time  the  mice  sat  in  council  and  talked 
of  how  they  might  outwit  their  enemy,  the  Cat.  But 
good  advice  was  scarce,  and  in  vain  the  president  called 
upon  all  the  most  experienced  mice  present  to  find  a  way. 

At  last  a  very  young  mouse  held  up  two  fingers  and  asked 
to  be  allowed  to  speak,  and  as  soon  as  he  could  get  permis- 
sion he  said : 

"  Fve  been  thinking  for  a  long  time  why  the  Cat  is  such 
a  dangerous  enemy.  Now,  it's  not  so  much  because  of  her 
quickness,  though  people  make  so  much  fuss  about  that.  If  we 
could  only  notice  her  in  time,  I've  no  doubt  we're  nimble 
enough  to  jump  into  our  holes  before  she  could  do  us  any  harm. 
It's  in  her  velvet  paws,  there's  where  she  hides  her  cruel  claws 
till  she  gets  us  in  her  clutches — that's  where  her  power  lies. 
With  those  paws  she  can  tread  so  lightly  that  we  can't  hear 
her  coming.  And  so,  while  we  are  still  dancing  heedlessly 
about  the  place,  she  creeps  close  up,  and  before  we  know 
where  we  are  she  pounces  down  on  us  and  has  us  in  her 
clutches.  Well,  then,  it's  my  opinion  we  ought  to  hang  a 
bell  round  her  neck  to  warn  us  of  her  coming  while  there's 
yet  time." 

Every  one  applauded  this  proposal,  and  the  council  decided 
that  it  should  be  carried  out. 

Now  the  question  to  be  settled  was,  who  should  undertake 
to  fasten  the  bell  round  the  Cat's  neck? 

The  president  declared  that  no  one  could  be  better  fitted  for 
the  task  than  he  who  had  given  such  excellent  advice. 

But  at  that  the  young  mouse  became  quite  confused  and 
stammered  an  excuse.  He  was  too  young  for  the  deed,  he 
said.  He  didn't  know  the  Cat  well  enough.  His  grandfather, 
who  knew  her  better,  would  be  more  suited  to  the  job. 

[336] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

But  the  grandfather  declared  that  just  because  he  knew  the 
Cat  very  well  he  would  take  good  care  not  to  attempt  such  a 
task. 

And  the  long  and  the  short  of  it  was  that  no  other  mouse 
would  undertake  the  duty;  and  so  this  clever  proposal  was 
never  carried  out,  and  the  Cat  remained  mistress  of  the  sit- 
uation. 


[337] 


The   Magpie  and  her   Children 

AID  a  Magpie  to  her  children :  "  It's  high  time  you 
learned  to  look  for  your  own  food ;  it  is  indeed." 

And  with  that  she  turned  the  whole  lot  of  them  out 
of  their  nest  and  took  them  into  the  fields. 

But  the  Magpie's  children  didn't  care  about  that. 

"  We'd  rather  go  back  to  our  nest !  "  they  cried.  "  It's  so 
comfortable  to  have  you  bringing  our  food  to  us  in  your 
beak!" 

"  I  dare  say !  "  said  their  mother.  "  But  you're  big  enough 
to  feed  yourselves.  /  was  turned  out  of  the  nest  when  I  was 
much  younger,  I  can  tell  you  that !  " 

"  But  people  will  kill  us  with  their  bows  and  arrows,"  said 
the  young  magpies. 

"  No  fear  of  that !  "  replied  their  mother.  "  People  can't 
shoot  without  taking  aim,  and  that  takes  time.  When  you 
see  them  raising  their  bows  to  their  faces,  ready  to  draw, 
you  must  just  fly  away! " 

"  We  might  do  that,"  said  the  children ;  "  but  if  some  one 
were  to  throw  a  stone  at  us,  he  wouldn't  have  to  take  aim." 

"  Well,  you'll  see  him  stooping  down  to  pick  up  the  stone," 
said  the  old  Magpie. 

"  But  supposing  he  carries  a  stone  in  his  hand,  ready  ?  " 

"  Why,  if  you're  sharp  enough  to  think  of  that,"  said  their 
mother,  "  you're  sharp  enough  to  take  care  of  yourselves !  " 

And  with  that  she  flew  away  and  left  them. 


[338] 


The  Cock,  the  Cuckoo^  and  the  Black-cock 


upon  a  time  the  Cock,  the  Cuckoo,  and  the  Black- 
cock  bought  a  cow  between  them.    But  when  they  came 
to  share  it,  and  couldn't  agree  which  should  buy  the 
others  out,  they  settled  among  them  that  he  who  woke  first 
in  the  morning  should  have  the  cow. 
So  the  Cock  woke  first. 

"Now  the  cow's  mine! 

Now  the  cow's  mine! 

Hurrah!     Hurrah!" 

he  crew,  and  so  pleased  was  he  that  in  his  excitement  he 
awoke  the  Cuckoo. 

"Half  cow! 
Half  cow!" 

sang  the  Cuckoo,  and  woke  up  the  Black-cock. 

"A  like  share,  a  like  share; 
Dear  friends,  that's  only  fair; 
Saw  see,  see  saw!" 

That's  what  the  Black-cock  said. 

And  now  can  you  tell  me  which  of  them  ought  to  have 
the  cow? 


[339] 


The   Race  Between   Hare  and  Hedgehog 

/T  was  once  upon  a  time  on  a  Saturday  morning  in  au- 
tumn, while  the  barley-fields  were  still  in  bloom. 
The  sun  was  shining,  the  morning  wind  was  blowing 
over  the  stubble,  the  larks  were  singing  high  in  the  air,  the 
bees  were  buzzing  in  the  barley  blossoms,  and  the  people  were 
going  blithely  about  their  day's  work ;  in  short,  all  the  world 
was  happy,  and  the  Hedgehog,  too. 

The  Hedgehog  stood  in  front  of  his  door  with  folded  arms, 
looked  at  the  weather,  and  hummed  a  tune  as  only  a  hedge- 
hog can  hum  on  a  Saturday  morning. 

Now,  as  he  stood  there  humming,  he  thought  to  himself 
all  at  once  that,  while  his  wife  was  washing  and  dressing  the 
children,  he  might  as  well  go  for  a  little  walk  in  the  fields 
and  see  how  his  turnips  were  getting  on. 

The  turnips  grew  near  his  house,  and  he  and  his  family  ate 
as  many  of  them  as  ever  they  wanted,  and  so  he  looked  upon 
them  quite  naturally  as  his  property. 

Well,  the  Hedgehog  slammed  his  door  and  started  for  the 
turnip-field.  He  hadn't  got  very  far,  and  was  just  sauntering 
round  the  brier-bush  that  stood  outside  the  field,  when  he 
met  the  Hare,  who  was  out  on  the  same  errand — namely, 
to  look  at  his  cabbages. 

When  the  Hedgehog  caught  sight  of  the  Hare,  he  gave 
him  a  pleasant  "  Good  morning." 

But  the  Hare,  who  was  a  very  aristocratic  person  in  his 
own  way,  and  very  high  and  mighty  in  his  manner,  didn't 
answer  the  Hedgehog's  greeting,  but  said,  with  a  nasty  sneer : 

"  What  are  you  running  about  the  fields  for  so  early  in  the 


morning? 


[340] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  I'm  out  walking,"  said  the  Hedgehog. 

"  Walking  ?  "  grinned  the  Hare.  "  I  should  have  thought 
you  could  use  your  legs  for  something  better !  " 

This  remark  annoyed  the  Hedgehog,  for,  though  he  was  a 
good-natured  fellow  enough,  he  was  touchy  on  the  subject  of 
his  legs,  which  were,  by  nature,  bandy. 

"  I  suppose/'  he  said  tartly,  "  you  think  your  legs  are  better 
than  mine  ?  " 

"  That  I  do,"  said  the  Hare. 

"  It  remains  to  be  seen,"  said  the  Hedgehog.  "  I  bet  you 
that  if  we  two  were  to  run  a  race  I  should  outstrip  you." 

"  Absurd !  "  cried  the  Hare.  "  You  with  your  crooked  legs ! 
But  if  you're  so  anxious  to  try,  I've  no  objection.  What  do 
you  wager  ?  " 

"  A  golden  guinea,"  said  the  Hedgehog. 

"  Done !  "  said  the  Hare.    "  We'll  start  right  away !  " 

"  Oh,  don't  be  in  such  a  hurry,"  said  the  Hedgehog.  "  I 
haven't  had  my  breakfast  yet,  and  I  feel  a  bit  faint.  I'll  come 
back  here  in  an  hour." 

So  away  he  trotted,  for  the  Hare  made  no  objection. 

Then  he  thought  to  himself: 

"  The  Hare  thinks  a  lot  of  his  long  legs,  but  I'll  get  the 
better  of  him  all  the  same.  For  all  his  haughty  ways,  he's 
not  so  very  clever,  and  I'll  make  him  pay;  see  if  I  don't." 

As  soon  as  he  got  home,  he  said  to  his  wife : 

"  Quick !  go  and  get  dressed.  You  must  come  out  with 
me." 

"  What's  the  matter?  "  said  his  wife. 

"  I've  wagered  the  Hare  a  golden  guinea.  I'm  to  run  a 
race  with  him,  and  I  want  you  to  be  there." 

"  Good  gracious  me !  "  cried  the  Hedgehog's  wife.  "  Have 
you  lost  your  senses?  How  can  you  think  of  racing  the 
Hare?" 

"  Don't  be  so  quick  with  your  words,  woman,"  said  the 
Hedgehog.  "  That's  my  affair ;  you  mustn't  meddle  with  what 
you  don't  understand.  Look  sharp;  put  on  your  things,  and 
come  along." 

[341] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

What  was  the  wife  to  do?  She  had  to  obey,  whether  she 
wanted  to  or  not. 

On  the  way  to  the  field,  the  Hedgehog  said: 

"  Now,  listen  to  what  I'm  going  to  tell  you.  In  that  plowed 
field  over  there  we're  to  run  our  race.  The  Hare  will  run  in 
one  furrow,  and  I  in  the  other.  We  begin  at  the  top.  Now, 
all  you've  got  to  do  is  to  stand  at  the  other  end  of  my  furrow, 
and  directly  the  Hare  arrives,  you  call  out  to  him : 

"  '  Here  I  am  already ! ' : 

With  that  they  reached  the  field.  The  Hedgehog  told  his 
wife  where  to  stand,  and  went  on  to  the  other  end. 

The  Hare  was  there  waiting  for  him. 

"Shall  we  start?"  asked  the  Hare. 

"  Right,"  said  the  Hedgehog. 

"  Now  then !  " 

Each  took  up  his  place. 

The  Hare  counted: 

"  One,  two,  three !  " 

And  away  he  went  like  the  wind. 

But  the  Hedgehog  took  about  three  paces,  then  he  went 
back,  ducked  down  in  his  furrow,  and  stood  there  as  com- 
fortably as  you  please,  and  laughing  as  if  he  would  split  his 
sides. 

Now,  the  moment  the  Hare  came  rushing  up  to  the  other 
end,  the  Hedgehog's  wife  called  out  to  him: 

"  Here  I  am  already !  " 

The  Hare  was  quite  taken  aback,  for  he  made  sure  it  was 
the  Hedgehog  himself  who  was  sitting  there  calling  to  him, 
since,  as  every  one  knows,  a  hedgehog's  wife  looks  exactly 
like  her  husband. 

"  There's  something  not  quite  right  here,"  said  the  Hare. 
"  We  must  run  again  back  to  the  starting-point." 

And  away  he  flew  like  the  wind.  But  the  Hedgehog's  wife 
never  moved. 

When  the  Hare  got  to  the  other  end,  the  Hedgehog  called 
out: 

"  Here  I  am  already !  " 

[342] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

But  the  Hare,  quite  beside  himself  with  jealousy,  shouted: 

"  We  must  run  again !  " 

"  Right !  "  said  the  Hedgehog.    "  As  often  as  you  like." 

And  so  the  Hare  went  on,  running  backward  and  forward 
seventy-three  times,  and  every  time  the  Hedgehog  got  the 
better  of  him.  Every  time  the  Hare  arrived  at  one  end  or 
the  other,  the  Hedgehog  or  his  wife  called  out: 

"Here  I  am  already!" 

But  the  seventy-fourth  time  the  Hare  dropped  down  dead 
tired  before  he  got  half-way.  So  the  Hedgehog  took  his  golden 
guinea,  and  he  and  his  wife  went  home  very  well  pleased 
with  themselves.  And  so  my  tale  is  finished. 


[343] 


Bruno's  Story 

[From  "  Sylvie  and  Bruno/'] 

there  were  a  mouse  and  a  crocodile  and  a  man  and 
a  goat  and  a  lion,"  said  Bruno. 

"  And  the  mouse  found  a  shoe,  and  it  thought  it  were  a 
mouse-trap.    So  it  got  right  in,  and  it  stayed  in  ever  so  long." 

"Why  did  it  stay  in?" 

"  'Cause  it  thought  it  couldn't  get  out  again,"  Bruno  ex- 
plained. "  It  were  a  clever  mouse.  It  knew  it  couldn't  get 
out  of  traps." 

"  But  why  did  it  go  in,  then  ?  " 

"  No  matter  why !  "  said  Bruno  decisively ;  "  and  it  jamp, 
and  it  jamp,  and  at  last  it  got  right  out  again.  And  it  looked 
at  the  mark  in  the  shoe.  And  the  man's  name  were  in  it.  So 
it  knew  it  wasn't  its  own  shoe. 

"  So  the  mouse  gave  the  man  his  shoe.  And  the  man  were 
welly  glad,  'cause  he  hadn't  got  but  one  shoe,  and  he  were 
hopping  to  get  the  other. 

"  And  the  man  took  the  goat  out  of  the  sack.  .  .  .  No,  I 
know  oo  hasn't  heard  of  the  sack  before,  and  oo  won't  again. 
.  .  .  And  he  said  to  the  goat :  '  Oo  will  walk  about  here  till 
I  comes  back/  And  he  went  and  he  tumbled  into  a  deep  hole. 
And  the  goat  walked  round  and  round.  And  it  walked  under 
the  tree.  And  it  wug  its  tail.  And  it  looked  up  in  the  tree. 
And  it  sang  a  sad  little  song.  Oo  never  heard  such  a  sad  lit- 
tle song! 

"  It  singed  it  right  froo.  I  sawed  it  singing  with  its  long 
beard. 

"  And  when  it  had  singed  all  the  song,  it  ran  away — for 
to  get  along  to  look  for  the  man,  oo  know.  And  the  croco- 
dile got  along  after  it — for  to  bite  it,  oo  know.  And  the  mouse 
got  along  after  the  crocodile." 

"Wasn't  the  crocodile  running?" 

[344] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  He  wasn't  running,"  said  Bruno,  "  and  he  wasn't  crawl- 
ing. He  went  struggling  along  like  a  portmanteau.  And  he 
held  his  chin  ever  so  high  in  the  air " 

"What  did  he  do  that  for?" 

"  'Cause  he  hadn't  got  a  toofache !  "  said  Bruno.  "  Can't 
oo  make  out  nuffin  wizout  I  'splain  it?  Why,  if  he'd  had  a 
toofache,  a  course  he'd  have  held  his  head  down — like  this — 
and  he'd  have  put  a  lot  of  warm  blankets  round  it ! " 

"Did  he  have  any  blankets?" 

"  Course  he  had  blankets,"  said  Bruno.  "  Does  oo  think 
crocodiles  goes  walks  wisout  blankets  ?  And  he  frowned  with  his 
eyebrows.  And  the  goat  was  welly  flightened  at  his  eyebrows." 

"  I'd  never  be  afraid  of  eyebrows." 

"  I  should  think  oo  would,  though,  if  they'd  got  a  croco- 
dile fastened  to  them,  like  these  had ! " 

And  so  the  man  jamp,  and  he  jamp,  and  at  last  he  got 
right  out  of  the  hole. 

"  And  he  runned  away — for  to  look  for  the  goat,  oo  know. 
And  he  heard  the  lion  grunting. 

"  And  its  mouth  were  like  a  large  cupboard.  And  it  had 
plenty  of  room  in  its  mouth.  And  the  lion  runned  after  the 
man — for  to  eat  him,  oo  know.  And  the  mouse  runned  after 
the  lion. 

"  And  first  he  caught  the  crocodile,  and  then  he  didn't  catch 
the  lion.  And  when  he'd  caught  the  crocodile,  what  does  oo 
think  he  did — 'cause  he'd  got  pincers  in  his  pocket?  Why, 
he  wrenched  out  that  crocodile's  toof ! " 

"Which  tooth?" 

"  The  toof  he  were  going  to  bite  the  goat  with,  a  course !  " 

"  And  what  became  of  the  man  ?  " 

"  Well,  the  lion  springed  at  him.  But  it  came  so  slow, 
it  were  three  weeks  in  the  air " 

"  Did  the  man  wait  for  it  all  that  time?  " 

"  Course  he  didn't  He  sold  his  house,  and  he  packed  up 
his  things,  while  the  lion  were  coming.  And  he  went  and  he 
lived  in  another  town.  So  the  lion  ate  the  wrong  man." 

LEWIS  CARROLL. 
[345] 


The  Bluebottle   Who    Went   Courting 

A  GAY  young  Bluebottle  went  out  courting. 

>nf  And  first  he  flew  into  the  king's  palace  to  woo  the 
-4L  JL  king's  daughter. 

Now,  she  was  the  most  beautiful  princess  in  all  the  world, 
and  had  a  thousand  suitors  at  her  feet. 

So  the  Bluebottle  came  and  settled  on  her  hand,  and  sang: 

"Zum,  zum,  zoo, 
I  want  to  marry  you!" 

But  the  princess  didn't  understand  the  song.  She  only  saw 
a  great  bluebottle  fly,  and  she  tried  to  flick  it  off  her  hand. 
But  the  Bluebottle  sat  fast.  Then  the  princess  cried  out: 

"  Here's  a  great  horrid  fly  on  my  hand,  and  it  won't  move ! 
Quick !  some  one  take  it  away !  " 

At  that,  you  may  be  sure,  all  the  suitors  came  running  up, 
and  made  grabs  at  the  Bluebottle ;  and  the  cleverest  of  them 
caught  him  between  his  finger  and  thumb  and  nearly  crushed 
the  life  out  of  him.  But  he  managed  to  wriggle  free,  and  in 
his  flight  he  flew  at  the  king  himself  and  settled  right  on  the 
tip  of  the  royal  nose. 

Then  the  king  gave  a  terrific  snort  and  hit  the  Bluebottle 
such  a  blow  that  if  it  hadn't  just  missed  him  he  would  cer- 
tainly have  been  killed. 

By  this  time,  I  can  tell  you,  the  Bluebottle  was  in  such  a 
state  that  he  didn't  know  whether  he  was  on  his  head  or  his 
heels.  So  he  buzzed  round  and  round  the  room,  and  was 
chased  from  one  courtier  to  the  other,  and  dashed  his  wings 
against  the  window-panes,  and  at  last  the  king  threw  his 

[346] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

scepter  at  him,  and  the  scepter  hit  the  fattest  duchess  in  the 
room,  and  bounded  off  and  struck  the  Bluebottle  on  the  head. 

You  may  fancy  how  that  confused  the  poor  thing!  And 
so  he  flew  into  the  fireplace,  and  got  his  left  wing  scorched, 
and  he  only  just  managed  to  crawl  up  the  chimney  by  the 
skin  of  his  teeth. 

But  a  maiden  bluebottle,  who  was  distantly  related  to  his 
family,  nursed  his  wing  for  him,  and  so  pretty  soon  he  was 
as  gay  as  ever.  Then  he  said: 

"  Very  well,  if  I  can't  have  the  princess,  I'll  have  the  next 
best  thing." 

And  so  he  flew  into  the  king's  stable  and  sat  himself  down 
right  on  the  back  of  the  princess's  favorite  mare. 

"Zum,  zum,  zoo, 

I  want  to  many  you!" 
he  hummed. 

But  the  mare  took  not  the  least  notice  of  his  song.  She  only 
shifted  her  feet  irritably,  for  the  Bluebottle  tickled  her. 

"Zum,  zum,  zoo, 
I  want  to  many  you!" 

repeated  the  Bluebottle,  quite  boldly. 

At  that  the  mare  gave  a  flick  of  her  tail  and  hit  the  Blue- 
bottle slap !  bang !  right  in  the  middle  of  his  bright  azure  waist- 
coat, so  that  he  was  sent  spinning  in  among  the  straw  that 
littered  the  floor. 

So  there  he  lay,  buzzing  mournfully,  till  the  maiden  blue- 
bottle came  along  and  rubbed  him  all  over,  and  put  him  on 
his  feet  again. 

And  pretty  soon  he  was  gayer  than  ever,  and  thought  how 
he  would  go  courting  once  more. 

"  Better  stick  to  your  own  station,"  said  his  lady  friend. 

But  he  only  tossed  his  head  and  sniffed  scornfully. 

And  then  he  put  on  a  brand-new  waistcoat  and  flew  into 
the  king's  kitchen,  where  the  princess's  favorite  cat  lay  purring 
on  the  hearth. 

[347] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

And  the  Bluebottle  lost  no  time  at  all,  but  crept  straight  into 
the  cat's  right  ear  and  sang  his  song: 

"Zum,  zum,  zoo, 
I  want  to  marry  you!" 

Now,  the  cat  had  just  been  dreaming  the  most  delicious 
dream  about  the  fattest  mouse  you  can  think  of,  and  the  buzz- 
ing in  her  ear  just  woke  her  up  in  the  most  exciting  part. 

And  so,  you  may  guess,  she  wasn't  in  the  best  of  tempers. 

Whether  she  heard  the  Bluebottle's  proposal  of  marriage 
or  not,  I  really  can't  say.  If  she  did,  you  may  be  sure  it 
didn't  please  her,  for  she  just  made  a  snatch  with  her  paw 
and  grabbed  him  by  the  !^g. 

Now,  it  would  have  been  all  up  with  him  if  the  maiden  rela- 
tive hadn't  flown  up  in  the  very  nick  of  time  and  tickled  the 
cat's  nose. 

Very  well,  that  made  the  cat  sneeze  so  violently  that  she  let 
go  of  the  Bluebottle's  leg,  and  so  he  flew  away.  But  his  leg  was 
broken;  and  the  doctor  came  every  day  for  a  week,  and  then 
he  sent  in  his  bill.  And  the  maiden  friend  brought  all  her 
savings  rolled  up  in  an  old  stocking  of  her  mother's.  And  so 
the  Bluebottle  paid  the  doctor,  and  there  was  an  end  of  that. 

Now,  would  you  believe  it,  the  Bluebottle  was  so  young 
and  giddy  that  his  leg  was  scarcely  well  before  he  began  to 
wonder  where  he  should  go  courting  next. 

"  When  there  are  so  many  old  maids  in  the  world,"  said  he, 
"  it's  a  bachelor's  duty  to  look  round  for  a  wife.  I  do  it  out 
of  charity." 

"  Charity  begins  at  home,"  said  his  lady  friend,  and  blushed 
in  a  modest  way. 

But  the  Bluebottle  was  not  the  kind  of  person  to  take  a 
hint.  So  he  just  put  on  another  new  waistcoat,  and  away  he 
flew  into  the  woods. 

And  there  a  fine  young  lady  woodpecker  was  hopping  about 
digging  for  worms  in  a  ladylike  manner. 

"  Now,  here  is  a  person  after  my  own  heart,"  said  the  Blue- 

[348] 


TALES   OF   LAUGHTER 

bottle.    "  She  doesn't  wait  for  us  men  to  bring  her  food ;  she 
just  helps  herself.     I  might  do  worse  than  marry  her." 

And  without  a  minute's  hesitation  he  began  to  buzz  round 
and  round  the  woodpecker,  singing  his  old  song: 

"Zum,  zum,  zoo, 
I  want  to  marry  you!" 

When  the  woodpecker  caught  sight  of  him,  she  cocked  her 
tail  in  a  knowing  way. 

"  Change  of  food  is  as  good  as  change  of  air,"  said  she, 
and  gave  a  peck  that  nearly  finished  the  Bluebottle  there  and 
then,  and  tore  his  right  wing  from  end  to  end. 

So  there  he  was,  sprawling  on  his  back  with  his  legs  curled 
up  in  agony,  for  a  torn  wing  is  no  trifle.  And  now  the  wood- 
pecker would  certainly  have  gobbled  him  up;  but  just  then 
the  faithful  maiden  friend,  who  had  followed  the  Bluebottle 
because  he  was  bound  to  get  into  mischief,  hurried  up.  When 
she  saw  the  state  of  things,  she  didn't  stop  twice  to  think, 
but  took  a  dead  leaf  and  dropped  it  right  over  the  Blue- 
bottle. 

Now,  when  the  woodpecker  saw  the  maiden  Bluebottle,  she 
took  her  for  the  bachelor,  and  gave  another  peck.  But  the 
maiden  flew  away  and  hid  behind  a  fern,  and  so  the  wood- 
pecker went  back  to  her  worms. 

"  Oh !  Oh !  I'm  dead !  I'm  dead !  "  groaned  the  Bluebottle 
under  the  leaf. 

"  Nonsense !  "  said  his  lady  friend.  "  Rubbish  doesn't  die 
so  easily !  " 

You  see,  she  was  severe  because  her  pride  had  been  hurt. 

"  Oh,  dear,  kind  friend,  don't  fly  away  and  leave  me ! " 
begged  the  Bluebottle  meekly. 

"  You've  flown  away  and  left  me  often  enough,"  said  the 
lady  friend. 

"  I'll  never  do  it  again  as  long  as  I  live !  "  cried  he. 

"  You  couldn't  if  you  wanted  to,"  said  she,  and  stroked  the 
broken  wing. 

[349] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"Oh,  why  wasn't  I  content  with  a  bluebottle  bride?" 
groaned  he. 

"  No  lady  bluebottle  will  look  at  you  now,"  said  she,  "  for 
you'll  always  fly  lame  as  long  as  you  live." 

"  Oh,  won't  you  take  pity  on  me  ?  "  asked  the  poor  Blue- 
bottle, who  felt  thoroughly  humble  by  this  time. 

Then  his  lady  friend  put  her  own  strong  wing  under  his 
broken  one. 

"  I'll  marry  you — out  of  charity,"  she  said,  and  flew  away 
with  him. 


[350] 


How   Two  Beetles   Took  Lodgings 


upon  a  time  there  was  a  worthy  set  of  ants,  who 
lived  together  as  happily  as  possible  in  their  little  town 
at  the  foot  of  a  fine  old  oak-tree. 

They  were  honest,  peaceable  folk,  and  always  did  as  the 
three  queen  ants  who  ruled  over  them  told  them  to  do. 

The  young  men  stayed  quietly  at  home  until  it  was  time 
for  them  to  get  married,  and  the  young  ladies,  who  had 
nothing  else  to  do,  did  the  same. 

As  for  the  working  people  —  But  here's  a  curious  state  of 
things  !  You'll  never  find  a  working  "  man  "  in  an  ant  city 
as  long  as  you  live,  for  all  the  workers  are  females,  even  the 
soldiers,  you  may  take  my  word  for  that! 

Well,  as  for  these,  they  were  at  it  morning,  noon,  and  night, 
digging  and  building  and  fetching  food  for  the  whole  town, 
looking  after  the  eggs  —  of  which  there  were  so  many  you 
could  never  have  counted  them  —  and  seeing  that  all  the  baby 
ants  were  quite  happy  and  comfortable. 

Now,  things  would  have  gone  on  very  well  indeed  if  other 
people  had  only  left  these  worthy  ants  alone.  But  they 
did  not  —  and  this  is  where  my  story  really  begins. 

One  fine  day  a  set  of  ants  belonging  to  quite  another  tribe 
came  to  the  forest,  and  built  themselves  a  town  not  far  from 
the  first. 

And  these  ants  —  it  grieves  me  to  write  it  —  were  far  from 
peaceful  and  honest  like  their  neighbors.  To  tell  the  truth, 
they  were  nothing  more  nor  less  than  robbers. 

They  had  not  been  very  long  in  the  place  before  their  sol- 
diers —  all  womenfolk,  too!  —  made  a  raid  on  the  town  of  the 
mild  and  harmless  ants,  and  carried  off  all  the  girl  babies  they 
could  lay  hands  on.  And  the  moment  the  children  were  old 

[351] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

enough  to  work,  they  were  made  into  slaves,  and  had  to  do 
all  the  roughest  and  hardest  work. 

Well,  you  may  guess  there  was  sorrow  in  the  town  of  the 
peaceful  ants.  They  were  too  weak  to  fight  their  foes,  and 
so  they  just  had  to  sit  down  and  bear  it  as  best  they  could. 

Now,  what  happened  once,  happened  again,  and  yet  again, 
till  at  last  the  harmless  ants  made  up  their  minds  to  move 
and  build  themselves  a  new  city  in  another  part  of  the 
forest. 

And  so  they  did.  But  it  was  all  of  no  use,  for  the  robbers 
followed  them,  and  then  the  same  thing  happened  all  over 
again.  So  soon  as  there  was  a  fine,  fat,  promising  bunch  of 
girl  babies  in  the  town,  the  robbers  came  and  carried  them 
into  slavery. 

One  misfortune  followed  fast  upon  another.  Not  long  after 
the  ants  had  moved  into  their  new  town,  a  beetle  and  his  wife 
came  stalking  in,  and  demanded  lodgings  in  the  queen's  palace. 

They  were  smartly  dressed  in  blue  and  green  coats  of  the 
latest  cut,  but  they  carried  no  baggage  except  a  tooth-brush, 
that  stuck  out  of  the  Beetle's  wife's  pocket.  This  was  sus- 
picious, and  they  looked  so  hungry  and  thirsty,  into  the  bar- 
gain, that  it  was  not  to  be  wondered  at  that  the  poor  queen 
ant  pulled  a  long  face. 

"  We're  traveling  for  pleasure,"  said  the  Beetle's  wife,  "  and 
we  shall  have  much  pleasure  in  staying  here  as  long  as  we 
like." 

With  that  she  walked  straight  up  to  the  best  bedroom,  said 
she  hoped  the  sheets  were  aired,  and  went  to  bed,  while  her 
husband  talked  pleasantly  with  the  three  queens,  and  ate  three 
dozen  new-laid  ants'  eggs  for  his  supper. 

The  unhappy  queens  soon  saw  what  kind  of  visitors  they 
had  got.  The  Beetles  made  themselves  at  home  everywhere 
— in  the  palace  and  out  of  it — and  called  for  whatever  they 
wanted.  The  working  ants  had  to  wait  on  them  hand  and 
foot.  There  was  the  Beetle's  shaving  water  to  be  got  first 
thing  in  the  morning,  and  the  Beetle's  wife's  cup  of  milk  fresh 
from  the  cow.  For  ants,  you  must  know,  keep  their  cows, 

[352] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

just  as  human  beings  do,  though  the  milk  of  the  ant  cow  is 
more  like  sugar  water  than  anything  else  we  have. 

Then  there  never  was  any  one  who  could  do  with  so 
many  meals  in  the  course  of  a  single  day  as  that  Beetle  and 
his  wife.  They  just  ate  and  drank  from  morning  to  night, 
and  it  was  all  the  ants  could  do  to  keep  the  palace  larder 
stocked. 

All  the  choicest  morsels,  the  finest  seeds  and  salads  the 
workers  could  bring  fell  to  the  Beetles'  share,  while  the  queens 
got  what  was  left. 

There  was  no  peace  and  quiet  in  the  town.  The  Beetles 
pried  into  every  hole  and  corner,  spread  themselves  in  every- 
body's parlor,  and  paraded  the  streets  singing  and  whistling 
when  quiet  folks  wanted  to  rest. 

But,  what  was  worst  of  all,  they  showed  never  a  sign  of 
moving  on. 

"  I  thought  you  said  you  were  traveling,"  the  bravest  of  the 
queens  ventured  to  remark  at  last. 

"  Why,  so  we  were ! "  said  the  Beetles.  "  But  one  must 
settle  down  some  time  or  other,  and  your  air  really  suits  us 
very  well." 

"Did  you  hear  that?"  whispered  one  young  working  ant 
to  another. 

The  two  had  come  to  the  palace  with  a  pitcher  of  milk 
just  in  time  to  listen  to  the  conversation. 

"  They'll  never  leave  us,"  said  the  second  ant. 

"  Not  unless  some  one  takes  steps,"  returned  the  first  ant. 

"  And,  pray,  whose  steps,  and  why  ?  "  asked  the  second. 

"  You  always  were  stupid,"  said  the  first  one,  and  gave  her 
waist  a  twitch — which  is  a  way  ants  have  when  they  are  put 
out.  "  Now,  if  some  one  were  to  take  my  advice,"  she  went 
on,  "  but  there's  nobody  in  all  the  town  with  two  pennyworth 
of  spirit.  Nobody  would  take  my  advice." 

"  I  suppose  you  couldn't  take  it  yourself  ?  "  asked  the  sec- 
ond ant,  who  really  was  not  quite  as  stupid  as  people  thought. 

"  It  never  occurred  to  me,"  said  the  first  ant ;  "  but  now  you 
mention  it,  perhaps  I  might." 

[353] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

And  then  the  first  ant  thought  and  thought,  and  the  end  of 
it  was  that  she  slipped  out  of  the  town  so  soon  as  her  day's 
work  was  finished  and  strolled  away  toward  the  town  where 
the  robber  ants  lived. 

And  presently  a  fierce  old  soldier-ant  came  marching  out 
at  the  gate. 

Then  the  little  worker's  heart  beat  very  fast,  and  she  turned 
as  pale  as  an  ant  can  turn. 

"  '  Nothing  venture,  nothing  win/  "  she  said  to  herself,  and 
walked  straight  up  to  the  soldier. 

"Hallo!     Who  are  you?"  said  the  soldier. 

"  Oh,  I'm  a  neighbor  of  yours,  from  Beechtown,"  said  the 
little  ant.  "  I'm  just  taking  a  stroll  before  supper." 

"  A  stroll  before  supper !  "  cried  the  soldier,  staring  very 
hard.  "  You  don't  seem  to  have  much  work  to  do  over  there." 

"  Why,  no,  I  can't  say  I  have,"  said  the  little  ant. 

"  But  I  can  see  by  your  dress  you're  a  servant,"  said  the 
soldier-woman. 

"  So  I  am,"  said  the  little  ant.  "  But  we  servants  of  Beecrr- 
town  have  an  easy  place.  A  bit  of  dusting  now  and  then,  and 
a  little  light  needlework;  that's  all." 

"  I  heard  a  very  different  story  only  the  other  day,"  said 
the  soldier. 

"  Ah,  but  everything's  changed  since  the  Beetles  came," 
said  the  little  worker.  "  They  do  all  the  dirty  work ;  and, 
my  goodness !  they  can  work,  you  may  take  my  word  for  that ! 
It's  worth  something,  I  can  tell  you,  to  have  two  fine  Beetles 
like  that  in  the  town ! " 

"  Aha ! "  thought  the  soldier-woman  to  herself,  "  here's 
something  for  us !  " 

And  she  was  so  taken  up  with  thinking  that  she  forgot 
to  bid  the  little  ant  good  night,  and  there  and  then  she  marched 
straight  back  to  her  town  to  tell  the  general  what  she  had 
heard. 

But  the  little  ant  went  home  well  pleased  with  herself.  And, 
sure  enough,  what  she  expected  would  happen  did  happen. 

The  robber-ants,  as  soon  as  they  heard  the  soldier's  story, 

[354] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

were  as  eager  as  possible  to  carry  off  the  two  Beetles  who 
could  work  so  well. 

And  to  prevent  any  fuss  and  bother,  this  is  what  they  did : 

They  took  a  great  pitcher  of  ant-cow's  milk  and  mixed  with 
it  a  few  drops  of  the  poison,  which,  as  every  one  knows,  an 
ant  always  carries  about  with  her  in  her  poison-bag.  Then 
twelve  soldiers  took  the  pitcher  to  Beechtown  and  waited  out- 
side the  gate  for  the  Beetles  to  come  out.  And  directly  they 
saw  them  coming  they  put  down  the  pitcher  and  hid  behind  a 
mountain  of  dead  leaves. 

But  the  Beetles  drank  up  the  sweet  stuff  till  there  was  not  a 
drop  left  at  the  bottom  of  the  pail,  and  immediately  the  poison 
began  to  work,  and  both  the  Beetle  and  his  wife  fell  back  in 
a  heap  on  to  the  grass,  and  there  they  lay,  and  could  stir 
neither  hand  nor  foot. 

The  robbers,  you  may  fancy,  lost  no  time,  bundled  the  pair 
on  to  a  stout  rhubarb  leaf,  and  dragged  them  away  to  their 
own  city  as  fast  as  they  could  go. 

Now,  scarcely  had  they  got  them  there  when  the  poison  be- 
gan to  wear  off — for  ants'  poison  is  not  very  strong,  you  see 
—and  pretty  soon  the  Beetle's  wife  sat  up  and  pinched  her 
husband.  It  was  not  long  before  he  sat  up,  too ;  and  by  and 
by  those  two  were  as  clear  in  their  heads  and  as  firm  on  their 
legs  as  any  two  beetles  ever  were. 

And  now  there  was  an  unpleasant  surprise  in  store  for  the 
robber-ants.  When  the  Beetle's  wife  had  looked  round  a  bit, 
she  said  to  her  husband : 

"  Why,  it  seems  comfortable  enough  here.  I  don't  think 
we'll  trouble  to  go  back  to  Beechtown.  I  think  this  will  suit 
us  very  well." 

"  Well,  well,  we'll  just  see  what  the  cooking's  like,"  said 
he,  and  went  straight  to  the  palace  where  the  six  queen-ants 
who  ruled  over  the  robbers  lived.  He  just  said :  "  How-d'ye- 
do  ?  "  to  the  queens  in  an  off-hand  way,  and  then  he  sat  down 
and  helped  himself  to  all  the  dishes  he  could  find  in  the  larder. 

His  wife,  she  did  the  same,  and  between  them  they  finished 
all  the  food  there  was. 

[355] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

And  so  they  went  on,  just  as  they  were  used  to  doing  in 
Beechtown,  and  it  did  not  take  the  robbers  long  to  find  out 
the  mistake  they  had  made. 

The  Beetles  had  never  done  a  day's  work  in  their  lives,  and 
they  had  no  notion  of  beginning  now,  just  because  the  robbers 
expected  it. 

When  they  heard  how  they  had  been  carried  off,  and  why, 
they  thought  the  whole  affair  a  very  good  joke,  and  laughed 
and  laughed  till  they  grew  purple  in  the  face,  and  had  to  slap 
each  other  on  the  back  to  keep  from  choking. 

The  robbers,  you  may  believe  me,  were  as  angry  as  angry 
could  be.  They  coaxed  and  they  threatened,  but  neither  the 
Beetle  nor  his  wife  would  do  a  stroke  of  work.  On  the  con- 
trary, they  took  such  a  deal  of  waiting  upon  that  the  robbers 
were  driven  well-nigh  crazy,  and  racked  their  brains  for  a  way 
to  get  rid  of  them. 

But  the  Beetles  liked  their  new  quarters  very  well,  and  there 
they  stopped. 

So  things  went  on,  till  at  last  the  robbers  made  up  their 
minds  to  give  the  Beetles  the  slip.  And  one  dark  night,  while 
they  were  asleep,  they  packed  their  trunks  and  left  the  town. 
But  the  gate  wanted  oiling,  and  creaked  so  as  they  swung  it 
open  that  the  Beetle's  wife  got  nightmare  and  woke  up. 

In  a  minute,  you  may  be  sure,  she  had  found  out  what  was 
going  on,  and  had  wakened  her  husband.  Then  the  two  crept 
very  softly  out  at  the  gate  and  kept  the  ants  at  a  comfortable 
distance. 

So  the  end  of  it  all  was  that,  though  the  robbers  went  far 
into  the  forest,  many  leagues  from  their  old  town,  they  had  no 
sooner  finished  building  the  new  one  than  in  marched  the 
Beetles,  and  went  on  in  their  old  way  as  though  nothing  had 
happened. 

Now,  the  robbers  had  settled  so  far  away  from  Beechtown 
that  it  was  not  worth  their  while  to  come  and  steal  the  children 
of  the  harmless  ants,  for  they  found  another  town  nearer  to 
hand. 

And  so  the  harmless  ants  lived  together  quite  happily  and 

[356] 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

peacefully  once  more,  and  the  clever  little  worker,  to  whom 
they  owed  their  good  fortune,  was  raised  to  great  honor  and 
glory. 

But  the  robbers  had  to  make  the  best  of  the  Beetles,  for 
get  rid  of  them  they  never  could.  And  if  ever  you  should  be 
passing  that  way,  why,  I  make  no  doubt  you'll  find  them 
there  still. 


[3571 


Little   Tuppen 


day  an  old  hen  whose  name  was  Cluck-cluck  went 
into  the  woods  with  her  little  chick  Tuppen  to  get  some 
blueberries  to  eat.  But  a  berry  stuck  fast  in  the  little 
one's  throat,  and  he  fell  upon  the  ground,  choking  and  gasp- 
ing. Cluck-cluck,  in  great  fright,  ran  to  fetch  some  water  for 
him. 

She  ran  to  the  Spring  and  said :  "  My  dear  Spring,  please 
give  me  some  water.  I  want  it  for  my  little  chick  Tuppen, 
who  lies  choking  and  gasping  under  the  blueberry-bush  in  the 
green  woods." 

The  Spring  said :  "  I  will  give  you  some  water  if  you  will 
bring  me  a  cup/' 

Then  Cluck-cluck  ran  to  the  Oak-tree  and  said :  "  Dear  Oak- 
tree,  please  give  me  a  cup.  I  want  it  for  the  Spring ;  and  then 
the  Spring  will  give  me  water  for  my  little  chick  Tuppen, 
who  lies  choking  and  gasping  under  the  blueberry-bush  in  the 
green  woods." 

The  Oak-tree  said :  "  I  will  give  you  a  cup  if  some  one  will 
shake  my  branches." 

Then  Cluck-cluck  ran  to  Maid  Marian,  the  wood-cutter's 
child,  and  said :  "  Dear  Maid  Marian,  please  shake  the  Oak- 
tree's  branches;  and  then  the  Oak-tree  will  give  me  a  cup, 
and  I  will  give  the  cup  to  the  Spring,  and  the  Spring  will  give 
me  water  for  my  little  chick  Tuppen,  who  lies  choking  and 
gasping  under  the  blueberry-bush  in  the  green  woods." 

The  wood-cutter's  child,  Maid  Marian,  said :  "  I  will  shake 
the  Oak-tree's  branches  if  you  will  give  me  some  shoes." 

Then  Cluck-cluck  ran  to  the  Shoemaker  and  said :  "  Dear 
Shoemaker,  please  give  me  some  shoes.  I  want  them  for  Maid 
Marian,  the  wood-cutter's  child ;  for  then  Maid  Marian  will 

[358] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

shake  the  Oak-tree's  branches,  and  the  Oak-tree  will  give  me 
a  cup,  and  I  will  give  the  cup  to  the  Spring,  and  the  Spring 
will  give  me  water  for  my  little  chick  Tuppen,  who  lies  chok- 
ing and  gasping  under  the  blueberry-bush  in  the  green  woods." 

The  Shoemaker  said :  "  I  will  give  you  some  shoes  if  you 
will  give  me  some  leather." 

Then  Cluck-cluck  ran  to  Moo-moo,  the  ox,  and  said :  "  Dear 
Moo-moo,  please  give  me  some  leather.  I  want  it  for  the 
Shoemaker ;  for  then  the  Shoemaker  will  give  me  some  shoes, 
and  I  will  give  the  shoes  to  Maid  Marian,  and  Maid  Marian 
will  shake  the  Oak-tree's  branches,  and  the  Oak-tree  will  give 
me  a  cup,  and  I  will  give  the  cup  to  the  Spring,  and  the  Spring 
will  give  me  water  for  my  little  chick  Tuppen,  who  lies  chok- 
ing and  gasping  under  the  blueberry-bush  in  the  green 
woods." 

The  ox,  Moo-moo,  said :  "  I  will  give  you  some  leather  if 
you  will  give  me  some  corn." 

Then  Cluck-cluck  ran  to  the  Farmer  and  said :  "  Dear 
Farmer,  please  give  me  some  corn.  I  want  it  for  Moo-moo, 
the  ox;  for  then  the  ox  will  give  me  some  leather,  and  I 
will  give  the  leather  to  the  Shoemaker,  and  the  Shoemaker 
will  give  me  shoes,  and  I  will  give  the  shoes  to  Maid  Marian, 
and  Maid  Marian  will  shake  the  Oak-tree's  branches,  and  the 
Oak-tree  will  give  me  a  cup,  and  I  will  give  the  cup  to  the 
Spring,  and  the  Spring  will  give  me  water  for  my  little  chick 
Tuppen,  who  lies  choking  and  gasping  under  the  blueberry- 
bush  in  the  green  woods." 

The  Farmer  said :  "  I  will  give  you  some  corn  if  you  will 
give  me  a  plow." 

Then  Cluck-cluck  ran  to  the  Blacksmith  and  said :  "  Dear 
Blacksmith,  please  give  me  a  plow.  I  want  it  for  the  Farmer ; 
for  then  the  Farmer  will  give  me  some  corn,  and  I  will  give 
the  corn  to  the  ox,  and  the  ox  will  give  me  leather,  and  I  will 
give  the  leather  to  the  Shoemaker,  and  the  Shoemaker  will 
give  me  shoes,  and  I  will  give  the  shoes  to  Maid  Marian,  and 
Maid  Marian  will  shake  the  Oak-tree's  branches,  and  the  Oak- 
tree  will  give  me  a  cup,  and  I  will  give  the  cup  to  the  Spring, 

[359] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

and  the  Spring  will  give  me  water  for  my  little  chick  Tuppen, 
who  lies  choking  and  gasping  under  the  blueberry-bush  in  the 
green  woods." 

The  Blacksmith  said :  "  I  will  give  you  a  plow  if  you  will 
give  me  some  iron." 

Then  Cluck-cluck  ran  to  the  busy  little  dwarfs  who  live  un- 
der the  mountains,  and  have  all  the  iron  that  is  found  in  the 
mines.  "  Dear,  dear  dwarfs,"  she  said,  "  please  give  me  some 
of  your  iron.  I  want  it  for  the  Blacksmith;  for  then  the 
Blacksmith  will  give  me  a  plow,  and  I  will  give  the  plow  to 
the  Farmer,  and  the  Farmer  will  give  me  corn,  and  I  will 
give  the  corn  to  the  ox,  and  the  ox  will  give  me  leather, 
and  I  will  give  the  leather  to  the  Shoemaker,  and  the  Shoe- 
maker will  give  me  shoes,  and  I  will  give  the  shoes  to  Maid 
Marian,  and  Maid  Marian  will  shake  the  Oak-tree's  branches, 
and  the  Oak-tree  will  give  me  a  cup,  and  I  will  give  the  cup 
to  the  Spring,  and  the  Spring  will  give  me  water  for  my  little 
chick  Tuppen,  who  lies  choking  and  gasping  under  the  blue- 
berry-bush in  the  green  woods." 

The  little  dwarfs  who  live  under  the  mountains  had  pity 
on  poor  Cluck-cluck,  and  they  gave  her  a  great  heap  of  red 
iron-ore  from  their  mines. 

Then  she  gave  the  iron  to  the  Blacksmith,  and  the  plow  to 
the  Farmer,  and  the  corn  to  the  ox,  and  the  leather  to  the 
Shoemaker,  and  the  shoes  to  Maid  Marian ;  and  Maid  Marian 
shook  the  Oak-tree,  and  the  Spring  got  the  acorn  cup,  and 
Cluck-cluck  carried  it  full  of  water  to  her  little  chick  Tuppen. 

Then  little  Tuppen  drank  the  water,  and  was  well  again, 
and  ran  chirping  and  singing  in  the  long  grass  as  if  nothing 
had  happened  to  him. 


[360] 


The   Story  of  the   Four   Little   Children 
Who    Went  Round  the   World 


[From  "Nonsense  Stories."} 

X^\  NCE  upon  a  time,  a  long  while  ago,  there  were  four 
t  J  little  people  whose  names  were  Violet,  Slingsby,  Guy, 
v-X  and  Lionel;  and  they  all  thought  they  should  like  to 
see  the  world.  So  they  bought  a  large  boat  to  sail  quite  round 
the  world  by  sea,  and  then  they  were  to  come  back  on  the 
other  side  by  land.  The  boat  was  painted  blue  with  green 
spots,  and  the  sail  was  yellow  with  red  stripes;  and,  when 
they  set  off,  they  only  took  a  small  cat  to  steer  and  look  after 
the  boat,  besides  an  elderly  quangle-wangle,  who  had  to  cook 
the  dinner  and  make  the  tea;  for  which  purposes  they  took  a 
large  kettle. 

For  the  first  ten  days  they  sailed  on  beautifully,  and  found 
plenty  to  eat,  as  there  were  lots  of  fish ;  and  they  had  only  to 
take  them  out  of  the  sea  with  a  long  spoon,  when  the  quangle- 
wangle  instantly  cooked  them ;  and  the  pussy-cat  was  fed  with 
the  bones,  with  which  she  expressed  herself  pleased  on  the 
whole ;  so  that  all  the  party  was  very  happy. 

During  the  daytime  Violet  chiefly  occupied  herself  in  put- 
ting salt  water  into  a  churn,  while  her  three  brothers  churned 
it  violently  in  the  hope  that  it  would  turn  into  butter,  which 
it  seldom,  if  ever,  did ;  and  in  the  evening  they  all  retired  into 
the  tea-kettle,  where  they  all  managed  to  sleep  very  comfort- 
ably, while  pussy  and  the  quangle-wangle  managed  the  boat. 

After  a  time  they  saw  some  land  at  a  distance ;  and,  when 
they  came  to  it,  they  found  it  was  an  island  made  of  water 
quite  surrounded  by  earth.  Besides  that,  it  was  bordered  by 
evanescent  isthmuses,  with  a  great  gulf-stream  running  about 

[361] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

all  over  it;  so  that  it  was  perfectly  beautiful,  and  contained 
only  a  single  tree,  five  hundred  and  three  feet  high. 

When  they  had  landed,  they  walked  about,  but  found,  to 
their  great  surprise,  that  the  island  was  quite  full  of  veal- 
cutlets  and  chocolate-drops,  and  nothing  else.  So  they  all 
climbed  up  the  single  high  tree  to  discover,  if  possible,  if  there 
were  any  people ;  but  having  remained  on  the  top  of  the  tree 
for  a  week,  and  not  seeing  anybody,  they  naturally  concluded 
that  there  were  no  inhabitants ;  and  accordingly,  when  they 
came  down,  they  loaded  the  boat  with  two  thousand  veal- 
cutlets  and  a  million  of  chocolate-drops ;  and  these  afforded 
them  sustenance  for  more  than  a  month,  during  which  time 
they  pursued  their  voyage  with  the  utmost  delight  and  apathy. 

After  this  they  came  to  a  shore  where  there  were  no  less 
than  sixty-five  great  red  parrots  with  blue  tails,  sitting  on  a 
rail  all  of  a  row,  and  all  fast  asleep.  And  I  am  sorry  to  say 
that  the  pussy-cat  and  the  quangle-wangle  crept  softly,  and 
bit  off  the  tail-feathers  of  all  the  sixty-five  parrots,  for  which 
Violet  reproved  them  both  severely. 

Notwithstanding  which,  she  proceeded  to  insert  all  the 
feathers — two  hundred  and  sixty  in  number — in  her  bonnet ; 
thereby  causing  it  to  have  a  lovely  and  glittering  appearance, 
highly  prepossessing  and  efficacious. 

The  next  thing  that  happened  to  them  was  in  a  narrow 
part  of  the  sea,  which  was  so  entirely  full  of  fishes  that  the 
boat  could  go  on  no  farther;  so  they  remained  there  about 
six  weeks,  till  they  had  eaten  nearly  all  the  fishes,  which  were 
soles,  and  all  ready  cooked,  and  covered  with  shrimp-sauce, 
so  that  there  was  no  trouble  whatever.  And  as  the  few  fishes 
who  remained  uneaten  complained  of  the  cold,  as  well  as  of 
the  difficulty  they  had  in  getting  any  sleep  on  account  of  the 
extreme  noise  made  by  the  arctic  bears  and  the  tropical  turn- 
spits, which  frequented  the  neighborhood  in  great  numbers, 
Violet  most  amiably  knitted  a  small  woolen  frock  for  several 
of  the  fishes,  and  Slingsby  administered  some  opium-drops  to 
them;  through  which  kindness  they  became  quite  warm,  and 
slept  soundly. 

[362] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

Then  they  came  to  a  country  which  was  wholly  covered 
with  immense  orange-trees  of  a  vast  size,  and  quite  full  of 
fruit.  So  they  all  landed,  taking  with  them  the  tea-kettle, 
intending  to  gather  some  of  the  oranges  and  place  them  in  it. 
But,  while  they  were  busy  about  this,  a  most  dreadfully  high 
wind  rose,  and  blew  out  most  of  the  parrot-tail  feathers  from 
Violet's  bonnet.  That,  however,  was  nothing  compared  with 
the  calamity  of  the  oranges  falling  down  on  their  heads  by 
millions  and  millions,  which  thumped  and  bumped  and  bumped 
and  thumped  them  all  so  seriously  that  they  were  obliged  to 
run  as  hard  as  they  could  for  their  lives;  besides  that,  the 
sound  of  the  oranges  rattling  on  the  tea-kettle  was  of  the  most 
fearful  and  amazing  nature. 

Nevertheless,  they  got  safely  to  the  boat,  although  consid- 
erably vexed  and  hurt;  and  the  quangle- wangle's  right  foot 
was  so  knocked  about  that  he  had  to  sit  with  his  head  in  his 
slipper  for  at  least  a  week. 

This  event  made  them  all  for  a  time  rather  melancholy,  anH 
perhaps  they  might  never  have  become  less  so  had  not  Lionel, 
with  a  most  praiseworthy  devotion  and  perseverance,  con- 
tinued to  stand  on  one  leg,  and  whistle  to  them  in  a  loud  and 
lively  manner;  which  diverted  the  whole  party  so  extremely 
that  they  gradually  recovered  their  spirits,  and  agreed  that, 
whenever  they  should  reach  home,  they  would  subscribe 
toward  a  testimonial  to  Lionel,  entirely  made  of  gingerbread 
and  raspberries,  as  an  earnest  token  of  their  sincere  and  grate- 
ful infection. 

After  sailing  on  calmly  for  several  more  days  they  came  to 
another  country,  where  they  were  much  pleased  and  surprised 
to  see  a  countless  multitude  of  white  mice  with  red  eyes,  all 
sitting  in  a  great  circle,  slowly  eating  custard-pudding  with 
the  most  satisfactory  and  polite  demeanor. 

And  as  the  four  travelers  were  rather  hungry,  being  tired 
of  eating  nothing  but  soles  and  oranges  for  so  long  a  period, 
they  held  a  council  as  to  the  propriety  of  asking  the  mice  for 
some  of  their  pudding  in  a  humble  and  affecting  manner,  by 
which  they  could  hardly  be  otherwise  than  gratified.  It  was 

[363] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

agreed,  therefore,  that  Guy  should  go  and  ask  the  mice,  which 
he  immediately  did;  and  the  result  was,  that  they  gave  a 
walnut-shell  only  half  full  of  custard  diluted  with  water.  Now, 
this  displeased  Guy,  who  said :  "  Out  of  such  a  lot  of  pudding 
as  you  have  got,  I  must  say,  you  might  have  spared  a  some- 
what larger  quantity/'  But  no  sooner  had  he  finished  speak- 
ing than  the  mice  turned  round  at  once,  and  sneezed  at  him 
in  an  appalling  and  vindictive  manner  (and  it  is  impossible 
to  imagine  a  more  scroobious  and  unpleasant  sound  than  that 
caused  by  the  simultaneous  sneezing  of  many  millions  of  angry 
mice)  ;  so  that  Guy  rushed  back  to  the  boat,  having  first  shied 
his  cap  into  the  middle  of  the  custard-pudding,  by  which 
means  he  completely  spoiled  the  mice's  dinner. 

By  and  by  the  four  children  came  to  a  country  where  there 
were  no  houses,  but  only  an  incredibly  innumerable  number 
of  large  bottles  without  corks,  and  of  a  dazzling  and  sweetly 
susceptible  blue  color.  Each  of  these  blue  bottles  contained 
a  bluebottle  fly ;  and  all  these  interesting  animals  live  continu- 
ally together  in  the  most  copious  and  rural  harmony ;  nor  per- 
haps in  many  parts  of  the  world  is  such  perfect  and  abject 
happiness  to  be  found.  Violet  and  Slingsby  and  Guy  and 
Lionel  were  greatly  struck  with  this  singular  and  instructive 
settlement ;  and,  having  previously  asked  permission  of  the 
bluebottle  flies  (which  was  most  courteously  granted),  the 
boat  was  drawn  up  to  the  shore,  and  they  proceeded  to  make 
tea  in  front  of  the  bottles ;  but,  as  they  had  no  tea-leaves,  they 
merely  placed  some  pebbles  in  the  hot  water ;  and  the  quangle- 
wangle  played  some  tunes  over  it  on  an  accordion,  by  which, 
of  course,  tea  was  made  directly,  and  of  the  very  best  quality. 

The  four  children  then  entered  into  conversation  with  the 
bluebottle  flies,  who  discoursed  in  a  placid  and  genteel  man- 
ner, though  with  a  slightly  buzzing  accent,  chiefly  owing  to 
the  fact  that  they  each  held  a  small  clothes-brush  between  their 
teeth,  which  naturally  occasioned  a  fizzy,  extraneous  utterance. 

"  Why,"  said  Violet,  "  would  you  kindly  inform  us,  do  you 
reside  in  bottles;  and,  if  in  bottles  at  all,  why  not,  rather,  in 
green  or  purple,  or,  indeed,  in  yellow  bottles  ?  " 

[364] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

To  which  questions  a  very  aged  bluebottle  fly  answered: 
"  We  found  the  bottles  here  all  ready  to  live  in ;  that  is  to  say, 
our  great-great-great-great-great-grandfathers  did,  so  we  oc- 
cupied them  at  once.  And,  when  the  winter  comes  on,  we 
turn  the  bottles  upside  down,  and  consequently  rarely  feel  the 
cold  at  all ;  and  you  know  very  well  that  this  could  not  be  the 
case  with  bottles  of  any  other  color  than  blue." 

"  Of  course  it  could  not,"  said  Slingsby.  "  But,  if  we  may 
take  the  liberty  of  inquiring,  on  what  do  you  chiefly  subsist  ?  " 

"  Mainly  on  oyster-patties,"  said  the  bluebottle  fly ;  "  and, 
when  these  are  scarce,  on  raspberry  vinegar  and  Russian 
leather  boiled  down  to  a  jelly." 

"  How  delicious !  "  said  Guy. 

To  which  Lionel  added,  "  Huzz ! "  And  all  the  bluebottle 
flies  said,  "  Buzz !  " 

At  this  time  an  elderly  fly  said  it  was  the  hour  for  the  even- 
ing song  to  be  sung ;  and,  on  a  signal  being  given,  all  the  blue- 
bottle flies  began  to  buzz  at  once  in  a  sumptuous  and  sonorous 
manner,  the  melodious  and  mucilaginous  sounds  echoing  all 
over  the  waters,  and  resounding  across  the  tumultuous  tops 
of  the  transitory  titmice  upon  the  intervening  and  verdant 
mountains  with  a  serene  and  sickly  suavity  only  known  to  the 
truly  virtuous.  The  moon  was  shining  slobaciously  from  the 
star-bespangled  sky,  while  her  light  irrigated  the  smooth  and 
shiny  sides  and  wings  and  backs  of  the  bluebottle  flies  with 
a  peculiar  and  trivial  splendor,  while  all  nature  cheerfully  re- 
sponded to  the  cerulean  and  conspicuous  circumstances. 

In  many  long-after  years  the  four  little  travelers  looked 
back  to  that  evening  as  one  of  the  happiest  in  all  their  lives ; 
and  it  was  already  past  midnight  when — the  sail  of  the  boat 
having  been  set  up  by  the  quangle-wangle,  the  tea-kettle  and 
churn  placed  in  their  respective  positions,  and  the  pussy-cat 
stationed  at  the  helm — the  children  each  took  a  last  and  affec- 
tionate farewell  of  the  bluebottle  flies,  who  walked  down  in 
a  body  to  the  water's  edge  to  see  the  travelers  embark. 

As  a  token  of  parting  respect  and  esteem,  Violet  made  a 
courtesy  quite  down  to  the  ground,  and  stuck  one  of  her  few 

[365] 


TALES   OF   LAUGHTER 

remaining  parrot-tail  feathers  into  the  back  hair  of  the  most 
pleasing  of  the  bluebottle  flies;  while  Slingsby,  Guy,  and 
Lionel  offered  them  three  small  boxes,  containing,  respectively, 
black  pins,  dried  figs,  and  Epsom  salts ;  and  thus  they  left  that 
happy  shore  forever. 

Overcome  by  their  feelings,  the  four  little  travelers  instantly 
jumped  into  the  tea-kettle  and  fell  fast  asleep.  But  all  along 
the  shore,  for  many  hours,  there  was  distinctly  heard  a  sound 
of  severely  suppressed  sobs,  and  of  a  vague  multitude  of  liv- 
ing creatures  using  their  pocket-handkerchiefs  in  a  subdued 
simultaneous  snuffle,  lingering  sadly  along  the  walloping  waves 
as  the  boat  sailed  farther  and  farther  away  from  the  land  of 
the  happy  bluebottle  flies. 

Nothing  particular  occurred  for  some  days  after  these 
events,  except  that,  as  the  travelers  were  passing  a  low  tract 
of  sand,  they  perceived  an  unusual  and  gratifying  spectacle ; 
namely,  a  large  number  of  crabs  and  crawfish — perhaps  six  or 
seven  hundred — sitting  by  the  waterside,  and  endeavoring  to 
disentangle  a  vast  heap  of  pale  pink  worsted,  which  they 
moistened  at  intervals  with  a  fluid  composed  of  lavender- 
water  and  white-wine  negus. 

"  Can  we  be  of  any  service  to  you,  oh,  crusty  crabbies  ?  " 
said  the  four  children. 

"Thank  you  kindly/'  said  the  crabs  consecutively.  "We 
are  trying  to  make  some  worsted  mittens,  but  do  not  know 
how." 

On  which  Violet,  who  was  perfectly  acquainted  with  the 
art  of  mitten-making,  said  to  the  crabs,  "  Do  your  claws  un- 
screw, or  are  they  fixtures  ?  " 

"  They  are  all  made  to  unscrew,"  said  the  crabs ;  and  forth- 
with they  deposited  a  great  pile  of  claws  close  to  the  boat, 
with  which  Violet  uncombed  all  the  pale  pink  worsted,  and 
then  made  the  loveliest  mittens  with  it  you  can  imagine.  These 
the  crabs,  having  resumed  and  screwed  on  their  claws,  placed 
cheerfully  upon  their  wrists  and  walked  away  rapidly  on  their 
hind-legs,  warbling  songs  with  a  silvery  voice  and  in  a  minor 
key. 

[366] 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

After  this  the  four  little  people  sailed  on  again  till  they  came 
to  a  vast  and  wide  plain  of  astonishing  dimensions,  on  which 
nothing  whatever  could  be  discovered  at  first;  but,  as  the 
travelers  walked  onward,  there  appeared  in  the  extreme  and 
dim  distance  a  single  object,  which  on  a  nearer  approach,  and 
on  an  accurately  cutaneous  inspection,  seemed  to  be  somebody 
in  a  large  white  wig,  sitting  on  an  arm-chair  made  of  sponge- 
cakes and  oyster-shells.  "  It  does  not  quite  look  like  a  human 
being,"  said  Violet  doubtfully ;  nor  could  they  make  out  what 
it  really  was  till  the  quangle- wangle  (who  had  previously  been 
round  the  world)  exclaimed  softly  in  a  loud  voice,  "  It  is  the 
cooperative  cauliflower ! " 

And  so,  in  truth,  it  was;  and  they  soon  found  that  what 
they  had  taken  for  an  immense  wig  was  in  reality  the  top  of 
the  cauliflower,  and  that  he  had  no  feet  at  all,  being  able  to 
walk  tolerably  well  with  a  fluctuating  and  graceful  movement 
on  a  single  cabbage-stalk — an  accomplishment  which  naturally 
saved  him  the  expense  of  stockings  and  shoes. 

Presently,  while  the  whole  party  from  the  boat  was  gazing 
at  him  with  mingled  affection  and  disgust,  he  suddenly  arose, 
and,  in  a  somewhat  plumdomphious  manner,  hurried  off 
toward  the  setting  sun — his  steps  supported  by  two  superin- 
cumbent confidential  cucumbers,  and  a  large  number  of  water- 
wagtails  proceeding  in  advance  of  him  by  three  and  three  in  a 
row — till  he  finally  disappeared  on  the  brink  of  the  western 
sky  in  a  crystal  cloud  of  sudorific  sand. 

So  remarkable  a  sight,  of  course,  impressed  the  four  chil- 
dren very  deeply ;  and  they  returned  immediately  to  their  boat 
with  a  strong  sense  of  undeveloped  asthma  and  a  great  ap- 
petite. 

Shortly  after  this  the  travelers  were  obliged  to  sail  directly 
below  some  high  overhanging  rocks,  from  the  top  of  one  of 
which  a  particularly  odious  little  boy,  dressed  in  rose-colored 
knickerbockers,  and  with  a  pewter  plate  upon  his  head,  threw 
an  enormous  pumpkin  at  the  boat,  by  which  it  was  instantly 
upset. 

But  this  upsetting  was  of  no  consequence,  because  all  the 

[367] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

party  knew  how  to  swim  very  well ;  and,  in  fact,  they  preferred 
swimming  about  till  after  the  moon  rose,  when,  the  water 
growing  chilly,  they  sponge-taneously  entered  the  boat.  Mean- 
while the  quangle-wangle  threw  back  the  pumpkin  with  im- 
mense force,  so  that  it  hit  the  rocks  where  the  malicious  little 
boy  in  rose-colored  knickerbockers  was  sitting,  when,  being 
quite  full  of  lucifer-matches,  the  pumpkin  exploded  surrepti- 
tiously into  a  thousand  bits ;  whereon  the  rocks  instantly  took 
fire,  and  the  odious  little  boy  became  unpleasantly  hotter  and 
hotter  and  hotter,  till  his  knickerbockers  were  turned  quite 
green,  and  his  nose  was  burned  off. 

Two  or  three  days  after  this  had  happened  they  came  to 
another  place,  where  they  found  nothing  at  all  except  some 
wide  and  deep  pits  full  of  mulberry-jam.  This  is  the  property 
of  the  tiny,  yellow-nosed  apes  who  abound  in  these  districts, 
and  who  store  up  the  mulberry-jam  for  their  food  in  winter, 
when  they  mix  it  with  pellucid  pale  periwinkle-soup,  and  serve 
it  out  in  Wedgwood  china  bowls,  which  grow  freely  all  over 
that  part  of  the  country.  Only  one  of  the  yellow-nosed  apes 
was  on  the  spot,  and  he  was  fast  asleep ;  yet  the  four  travelers 
and  the  quangle-wangle  and  pussy  were  so  terrified  by  the 
violence  and  sanguinary  sound  of  his  snoring  that  they  merely 
took  a  small  cupful  of  the  jam,  and  returned  to  reembark  in 
their  boat  without  delay. 

What  was  their  horror  on  seeing  the  boat  (including  the 
churn  and  the  tea-kettle)  in  the  mouth  of  an  enormous  seeze 
pyder,  an  aquatic  and  ferocious  creature  truly  dreadful  to  be- 
hold, and,  happily,  only  met  with  in  those  excessive  longitudes ! 
In  a  moment  the  beautiful  boat  was  bitten  into  fifty-five  thou- 
sand million  hundred  billion  bits ;  and  it  instantly  became  quite 
clear  that  Violet,  Slingsby,  Guy,  and  Lionel  could  no  longer 
preliminate  their  voyage  by  sea. 

The  four  travelers  were  therefore  obliged  to  resolve  on  pur- 
suing their  wanderings  by  land;  and,  very  fortunately,  there 
happened  to  pass  by  at  that  moment  an  elderly  rhinoceros,  on 
which  they  seized;  and,  all  four  mounting  on  his  back — the 
quangle-wangle  sitting  on  his  horn,  and  holding  on  by  his  ears, 

[368] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

and  the  pussy-cat  swinging  at  the  end  of  his  tail — they  set  off, 
having  only  four  small  beans  and  three  pounds  of  mashed 
potatoes  to  last  through  their  whole  journey. 

They  were,  however,  able  to  catch  numbers  of  the  chickens 
and  turkeys  and  other  birds  who  incessantly  alighted  on  the 
head  of  the  rhinoceros  for  the  purpose  of  gathering  the  seeds 
of  the  rhododendron  plants  which  grew  there;  and  these 
creatures  they  cooked  in  the  most  translucent  and  satisfactory 
manner  by  means  of  a  fire  lighted  on  the  end  of  the  rhinoce- 
ros's back.  A  crowd  of  kangaroos  and  gigantic  cranes  ac- 
companied them,  from  feelings  of  curiosity  and  complacency ; 
so  that  they  were  never  at  a  loss  for  company,  and  went  on- 
ward, as  it  were,  in  a  sort  of  profuse  and  triumphant  proces- 
sion. 

Thus  in  less  than  eighteen  weeks  they  all  arrived  safely  at 
home,  where  they  were  received  by  their  admiring  relatives 
with  joy  tempered  with  contempt,  and  where  they  finally  re- 
solved to  carry  out  the  rest  of  their  traveling  plans  at  some 
more  favorable  opportunity. 

As  for  the  rhinoceros,  in  token  of  their  grateful  adherence, 
they  had  him  killed  and  stuffed  directly,  and  then  set  him  up 
outside  the  door  of  their  father's  house  as  a  diaphanous  door- 
scraper. 

EDWARD  LEAR. 


[369] 


The  History  of  the   Seven   Families  of 
the   Lake   Pipple-Popple 

[From  "Nonsense  Stories"] 
CHAPTER   I 

INTRODUCTORY 

/N  former  days — that  is  to  say,  once  upon  a  time — there 
lived  in  the   Land  of  Gramble-blamble   seven   families. 
They  lived  by  the  side  of  the  great  Lake  Pipple-popple 
(one  of  the  seven  families,  indeed,  lived  in  the  lake),  and 
on  the  outskirts  of  the  city  of  Tosh,  which,  excepting  when 
it   was   quite  dark,   they  could   see  plainly.     The  names  of 
all  these  places  you  have  probably  heard  of;  and  you  have 
only  not  to  look  in  your  geography   books   to   find  out   all 
about  them. 

Now,  the  seven  families  who  lived  on  the  borders  of  the 
great  Lake  Pipple-popple  were  as  follows  in  the  next  chapter. 


CHAPTER   II 

THE    SEVEN    FAMILIES 

THERE  was  a  family  of  two  old  parrots  and  seven  young 
parrots. 

There  was  a  family  of  two  old  storks  and  seven  young 
storks. 

[370] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

There  was  a  family  of  two  old  geese  and  seven  young  geese. 

There  was  a  family  of  two  old  owls  and  seven  young  owls. 

There  was  a  family  of  two  old  guinea-pigs  and  seven  young 
guinea-pigs. 

There  was  a  family  of  two  old  cats  and  seven  young  cats. 

And  there  was  a  family  of  two  old  fishes  and  seven  young 
fishes. 

CHAPTER   III 

THE   HABITS   OF   THE  SEVEN    FAMILIES 

THE  parrots  lived  upon  the  soffsky-poffsky  trees,  which 
were  beautiful  to  behold,  and  covered  with  blue  leaves;  and 
they  fed  upon  fruit,  artichokes,  and  striped  beetles. 

The  storks  walked  in  and  out  of  the  Lake  Pipple-popple, 
and  ate  frogs  for  breakfast,  and  buttered  toast  for  tea ;  but  on 
account  of  the  extreme  length  of  their  legs  they  could  not 
sit  down,  and  so  they  walked  about  continually. 

The  geese,  having  webs  to  their  feet,  caught  quantities  of 
flies,  which  they  ate  for  dinner. 

The  owls  anxiously  looked  after  mice,  which  they  caught 
and  made  into  sago-puddings. 

The  guinea-pigs  toddled  about  the  gardens,  and  ate  lettuces 
and  Cheshire  cheese. 

The  cats  sat  still  in  the  sunshine,  and  fed  upon  sponge  bis- 
cuits. 

The  fishes  lived  in  the  lake,  and  fed  chiefly  on  boiled  peri- 
winkles. 

And  all  these  seven  families  lived  together  in  the  utmost 
fun  and  felicity. 

CHAPTER   IV 

THE   CHILDREN   OF  THE   SEVEN   FAMILIES   ARE  SENT  AWAY 

ONE  day  all  the  seven  fathers  and  the  seven  mothers  of  the 
seven  families  agreed  that  they  would  send  their  children  out 
to  see  the  world. 

[370 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

So  they  called  them  all  together,  and  gave  them  each 
weight  shillings  and  some  good  advice,  some  chocolate-drops, 
and  a  small  green  morocco  pocket-book  to  set  down  their 
expenses  in. 

They  then  particularly  entreated  them  not  to  quarrel;  and 
all  the  parents  sent  off  their  children  with  a  parting  in- 
junction. 

"  If,"  said  the  old  parrots,  "  you  find  a  cherry,  do  not  fight 
about  who  should  have  it." 

"  And,"  said  the  old  storks,  "  if  you  find  a  frog,  divide 
it  carefully  into  seven  bits,  but  on  no  account  quarrel 
about  it." 

And  the  old  geese  said  to  the  seven  young  geese :  "  What- 
ever you  do,  be  sure  you  do  not  touch  a  plum-pudding 
flea." 

And  the  old  owls  said:  "If  you  find  a  mouse,  tear  him  up 
into  seven  slices,  and  eat  him  cheerfully,  but  without  quar- 
reling." 

And  the  old  guinea-pigs  said :  "  Have  a  care  that  you  eat 
your  lettuces,  should  you  find  any,  not  greedily,  but  calmly." 

And  the  old  cats  said :  "  Be  particularly  careful  not  to  med- 
dle with  a  clangle-wangle  if  you  should  see  one." 

And  the  old  fishes  said :  "  Above  all  things,  avoid  eating  a 
blue  boss-woss,  for  they  do  not  agree  with  fishes,  and  give 
them  a  pain  in  their  toes." 

So  all  the  children  of  each  family  thanked  their  parents, 
and,  making  in  all  forty-nine  polite  bows,  they  went  into  the 
wide  world. 


CHAPTER   V 

THE   HISTORY   OF  THE   SEVEN   YOUNG   PARROTS 

THE  seven  young  parrots  had  not  gone  far  when  they  saw 
a  tree  with  a  single  cherry  on  it,  which  the  oldest  parrot  picked 

[372] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

instantly;  but  the  other  six,  being  extremely  hungry,  tried  to 
get  it  also.     On  which  all  the  seven  began  to  fight ;  and  they 
scuffled, 
and  huffled, 
and  ruffled, 
and  shuffled, 
and  puffled, 
and  muffled, 
and  buffled, 
and  duffled, 
and  fluffled, 
and  guffledj 

and  bruffled,  and 

screamed,  and  shrieked,  and  squealed, 

and  squeaked,  and  clawed,  and  snapped,  and  bit,  and  bumped, 
and  thumped,  and  dumped,  and  flumped  each  other,  till  they 
were  all  torn  into  little  bits ;  and  at  last  there  was  nothing  left 
to  record  this  painful  incident  except  the  cherry  and  seven 
small  green  feathers. 

And  that  was  the  vicious  and  voluble  end  of  the  seven  young 
parrots. 


CHAPTER   VI 

THE    HISTORY    OF   THE    SEVEN    YOUNG   STORKS 

WHEN  the  seven  young  storks  set  out,  they  walked  or  flew 
for  fourteen  weeks  in  a  straight  line,  and  for  six  weeks  more 
in  a  crooked  one;  and  after  that  they  ran  as  hard  as  they 
could  for  one  hundred  and  eight  miles;  and  after  that  they 
stood  still,  and  made  a  himmeltanious  chatter-clatter-blattery 
noise  with  their  bills. 

About  the  same  time  they  perceived  a  large  frog,  spotted 
with  green,  and  with  a  sky-blue  stripe  under  each  ear. 

So,  being  hungry,  they  immediately  flew  at  him,  and  were 
going  to  divide  him  into  seven  pieces  when  they  began  to  quar- 
rel as  to  which  of  his  legs  should  be  taken  off  first.  One  said 

[373] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

this,  and  another  said  that ;  and  while  they  were  all  quarreling, 
the  frog  hopped  away.    And  when  they  saw  that  he  was  gone 
they  began  to  chatter-clatter, 
blatter-platter, 
patter-blatter, 
matter-clatter, 

flatter-quatter,  more  violently  than  ever  ; 

and  after  they  had  fought  for  a  week  they  pecked  each  other 
all  to  little  pieces,  so  that  at  last  nothing  was  left  of  any  of 
them  except  their  bills. 

And  that  was  the  end  of  the  seven  young  storks. 


CHAPTER    VII 

THE   HISTORY   OF  THE   SEVEN  YOUNG  GEESE 

WHEN  the  seven  young  geese  began  to  travel,  they  went 
over  a  large  plain,  on  which  there  was  but  one  tree,  and  that 
was  a  very  bad  one. 

So  four  of  them  went  up  to  the  top  of  it,  and  looked  about 
them ;  while  the  other  three  waddled  up  and  down,  and  re- 
peated poetry,  and  their  last  six  lessons  in  arithmetic,  geogra- 
phy, and  cookery. 

Presently  they  perceived,  a  long  way  off,  an  object  of  the 
most  interesting  and  obese  appearance,  having  a  perfectly 
round  body  exactly  resembling  a  boiled  plum-pudidng,  with 
two  little  wings  and  a  beak,  and  three  feathers  growing  out  of 
his  head,  and  only  one  leg. 

So,  after  a  time,  all  the  seven  young  geese  said  to  each 
other :  "  Beyond  all  doubt  this  beast  must  be  a  plum-pudding 
flea!" 

On  which  they  incautiously  began  to  sing  aloud : 

"Plum-pudding  flea, 
Plum-pudding  flea, 
Wherever  you  be, 
Oh!  come  to  our  tree, 
And  listen,  oh!  listen,  oh!  listen  to  me!" 

[374] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

And  no  sooner  had  they  sung  this  verse  than  the  plum-pud- 
ding flea  began  to  hop  and  skip  on  his  one  leg  with  the  most 
dreadful  velocity,  and  came  straight  to  the  tree,  where  he 
stopped,  and  looked  about  him  in  a  vacant  and  voluminous 
manner. 

On  which  the  seven  young  geese  were  greatly  alarmed,  and 
all  of  a  tremble-bemble ;  so  one  of  them  put  out  his  long  neck 
and  just  touched  him  with  the  tip  of  his  bill;  but  no  sooner 
had  he  done  this  than  the  plum-pudding  flea  skipped  and 
hopped  about  more  and  more,  and  higher  and  higher;  after 
which  he  opened  his  mouth,  and,  to  the  great  surprise  and  in- 
dignation of  the  seven  geese,  began  to  bark  so  loudly,  and 
furiously,  and  terribly  that  they  were  totally  unable  to  bear 
the  noise ;  and  by  degrees  every  one  of  them  suddenly  tumbled 
down  quite  dead. 

So  that  was  the  end  of  the  seven  young  geese. 


CHAPTER   VIII 

THE    HISTORY    OF    THE    SEVEN    YOUNG    OWLS 

WHEN  the  seven  young  owls  set  out,  they  sat  every  now 
and  then  on  the  branches  of  old  trees,  and  never  went  far  at 
one  time. 

And  one  night,  when  it  was  quite  dark,  they  thought  they 
heard  a  mouse;  but,  as  the  gas-lamps  were  not  lighted,  they 
could  not  see  him. 

So  they  called  out,  "  Is  that  a  mouse  ?  " 

On  which  a  mouse  answered,  "  Squeaky-peeky-weeky !  yes, 
it  is!" 

And  immediately  all  the  young  owls  threw  themselves  off 
the  tree,  meaning  to  alight  on  the  ground;  but  they  did  not 
perceive  that  there  was  a  large  well  below  them,  into  which 
they  all  fell  superficially,  and  were  every  one  of  them  drowned 
in  less  than  half  a  minute. 

So  that  was  the  end  of  the  seven  young  owls. 

[375] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

CHAPTER   IX 

THE    HISTORY  OF  THE   SEVEN    YOUNG   GUINEA-PIGS 

THE  seven  young  guinea-pigs  went  into  a  garden  full  of 
gooseberry-bushes  and  tiggory-trees,  under  one  of  which  they 
fell  asleep.  When  they  awoke  they  saw  a  large  lettuce,  which 
had  grown  out  of  the  ground  while  they  had  been  sleeping, 
and  which  had  an  immense  number  of  green  leaves.  At  which 
they  all  exclaimed : 

"Lettuce!  O  lettuce 
Let  us,  O  let  us, 
O  lettuce-leaves, 

O  let  us  leave  this  tree,  and  eat 
Lettuce,  O  let  us,  lettuce-leaves!" 

And  instantly  the  seven  young  guinea-pigs  rushed  with  such 
extreme  force  against  the  lettuce-plant,  and  hit  their  heads  so 
vividly  against  its  stalk,  that  the  concussion  brought  on  di- 
rectly an  incipient  transitional  inflammation  of  their  noses, 
which  grew  worse  and  worse,  and  worse  and  worse,  till  it  in- 
cidentally killed  them — all  seven. 

And  that  was  the  end  of  the  seven  young  guinea-pigs. 


CHAPTER   X 

THE   HISTORY   OF  THE   SEVEN   YOUNG   CATS 

THE  seven  young  cats  set  off  on  their  travels  with  great 
delight  and  rapacity.  But,  on  coming  to  the  top  of  a  high 
hill,  they  perceived  at  a  long  distance  off  a  clangle-wangle 
(or,  as  it  is  more  properly  written,  clangel-wangel ;  and, 
in  spite  of  the  warning  they  had  had,  they  ran  straight  up 
to  it. 

( Now,  the  dangle- wangles  are  most  dangerous  and  delusive 

[376] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

beasts,  and  by  no  means  commonly  to  be  met  with.  They  live 
in  the  water  as  well  as  on  land,  using  their  long  tails  as  a  sail 
when  in  the  former  element.  Their  speed  is  extreme,  but  their 
habits  of  life  are  domestic  and  superfluous,  and  their  general 
demeanor  pensive  and  pellucid.  On  summer  evenings  they 
may  sometimes  be  observed  near  the  Lake  Pipple-popple, 
standing  on  their  heads,  and  humming  their  national  melodies. 
They  subsist  entirely  on  vegetables,  excepting  when  they  eat 
veal  or  mutton,  or  pork  or  beef,  or  fish  or  saltpetre.) 

The  moment  the  clangle-wangle  saw  the  seven  young  cats 
approach,  he  ran  away;  and  as  he  ran  straight  on  for  four 
months,  and  the  cats,  though  they  continued  to  run,  could 
never  overtake  him,  they  all  gradually  died  of  fatigue  and  ex- 
haustion, and  never  afterward  recovered. 

And  this  was  the  end  of  the  seven  young  cats. 


CHAPTER   XI 

THE    HISTORY   OF  THE   SEVEN   YOUNG   FISHES 

THE  seven  young  fishes  swam  across  the  Lake  Pipple-popple, 
and  'into  the  river,  and  into  the  ocean,  where,  most  unhappily 
for  them,  they  saw  on  the  fifteenth  day  of  their  travels,  a  bright- 
blue  boss-woss,  and  instantly  swam  after  him.  But  the  blue 
boss-woss  plunged  into  a  perpendicular, 

spicular, 
orbicular, 

quadrangular, 

circular  depth   of  soft 
mud ;  where,  in  fact,  his  house  was. 

And  the  seven  young  fishes,  swimming  with  great  and  un- 
comfortable velocity,  plunged  also  into  the  mud  quite  against 
their  will,  and,  not  being  accustomed  to  it,  were  all  suffocated 
in  a  very  short  period. 

And  that  was  the  end  of  the  seven  young  fishes. 

[377] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

CHAPTER    XII 

OF    WHAT    OCCURRED    SUBSEQUENTLY 

AFTER  it  was  known  that  the 

seven  young  parrots, 

and  the  seven  young  storks, 

and  the  seven  young  geese, 

and  the  seven  young  owls, 

and  the  seven  young  guinea-pigs, 

and  the  seven  young  cats, 

and  the  seven  young  fishes, 

were  all  dead,  then  the  frog,  and  the  plum-pudding  flea,  and 
the  mouse,  and  the  clangle-wangle,  and  the  blue  boss-woss  all 
met  together  to  rejoice  over  their  good  fortune.  And  they 
collected  the  seven  feathers  of  the  seven  young  parrots,  and 
the  seven  bills  of  the  seven  young  storks,  and  the  lettuce,  and 
the  cherry ;  and  having  placed  the  latter  on  the  lettuce,  and  the 
other  objects  in  a  circular  arrangement  at  their  base,  they 
danced  a  hornpipe  round  all  these  memorials  until  they  were 
quite  tired,  after  which  they  gave  a  tea-party,  and  a  garden- 
party,  and  a  ball,  and  a  concert,  and  then  returned  to  their 
respective  homes  full  of  joy  and  respect,  sympathy,  satisfac- 
tion, and  disgust. 

CHAPTER    XIII 

OF    WHAT   BECAME   OF    THE   PARENTS   OF   THE   FORTY-NINE 
CHILDREN 

BUT  when  the  two  old  parrots, 
and  the  two  old  storks, 
and  the  two  old  geese, 
and  the  two  old  owls, 
and  the  two  old  guinea-pigs, 
and  the  two  old  cats, 
and  the  two  old  fishes 

[378] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

became  aware,  by  reading  in  the  newspapers,  of  the  calamitous 
extinction  of  the  whole  of  their  families,  they  refused  all  fur- 
ther sustenance;  and,  sending  out  to  various  shops,  they  pur- 
chased great  quantities  of  cayenne  pepper  and  brandy  and 
vinegar  and  blue  sealing-wax,  besides  seven  immense  glass  bot- 
tles with  air-tight  stoppers.  And,  having  done  this,  they  ate 
a  light  supper  of  brown  bread  and  Jerusalem  artichokes,  and 
took  an  affecting  and  formal  leave  of  the  whole  of  their  ac- 
quaintance, which  was  very  numerous  and  distinguished  and 
select  and  responsible  and  ridiculous. 


CHAPTER   XIV 

CONCLUSION 

AND  after  this  they  filled  the  bottles  with  the  ingredients  for 
pickling,  and  each  couple  jumped  into  a  separate  bottle;  by 
which  effort,  of  course,  they  all  died  immediately,  and  became 
thoroughly  pickled  in  a  few  minutes,  having  previously  made 
their  wills  (by  the  assistance  of  the  most  eminent  lawyers  of 
the  district),  in  which  they  left  strict  orders  that  the  stoppers 
of  the  seven  bottles  should  be  carefully  sealed  up  with  the  blue 
sealing-wax  they  had  purchased;  and  that  they  themselves, 
in  the  bottles,  should  be  presented  to  the  principal  museum  of 
the  city  of  Tosh,  to  be  labeled  with  parchment  or  any  other 
anti-congenial  succedaneum,  and  to  be  placed  on  a  marble 
table  with  silver-gilt  legs,  for  the  daily  inspection  and  contem- 
plation, and  for  the  perpetual  benefit,  of  the  pusillanimous 
public. 

And  if  you  ever  happen  to  go  to  Gramble-blamble,  and  visit 
that  museum  in  the  city  of  Tosh,  look  for  them  on  the  ninety- 
eighth  table  in  the  four  hundred  and  twenty-seventh  room  of 
the  right-hand  corridor  of  the  left  wing  of  the  central  quad- 
rangle of  that  magnificent  building;  for,  if  you  do  not,  you 
certainly  will  not  see  them. 

EDWARD  LEAR. 

[379] 


Wee  Robin  s   Yule-Song 

rHERE  was  an  auld  gray  Pussie  Baudrons,  and  she 
gaed  awa'  down  by  a  waterside,  and  there  she  saw  a 
Wee  Robin  Redbreast  hoppin'  on  a  brier ;  and  Pussie 
Baudrons  says :  "  Where's  tu  gaun,  Wee  Robin  ?  "  And  Wee 
Robin  says :  "I'm  gaun  awa'  to  the  king  to  sing  him  a  sang 
this  guid  Yule  morning."  And  Pussie  Baudrons  says :  "  Come 
here,  Wee  Robin,  and  I'll  let  you  see  a  bonny  white  ring 
round  my  neck."  But  Wee  Robin  says  :  "  Na,  na !  gray  Pous- 
sie  Baudrons,  na,  na !  Ye  worry't  the  wee  mousie,  but  ye'se 
no  worry  me."  So  Wee  Robin  flew  awa'  till  he  came  to  a 
fail  fauld-dike  (turf  wall),  and  there  he  saw  a  gray  greedy 
gled  (hawk)  sitting.  And  gray  greedy  gled  says:  "Where's 
tu  gaun,  Wee  Robin  ?  "  And  Wee  Robin  says :  "I'm  gaun 
awa'  to  the  king  to  sing  him  a  sang  this  guid  Yule  morning." 
And  gray  greedy  gled  says :  "  Come  here,  Wee  Robin,  and 
I'll  let  ye  see  a  bonny  feather  in  my  wing."  But  Wee  Robin 
says :  "  Na,  na !  gray  greedy  gled,  na,  na !  Ye  pookit  (pecked) 
a'  the  wee  lintie,  but  ye'se  no  pook  me."  So  Wee  Robin 
flew  awa'  till  he  came  to  the  cleuch  (hollow)  o'  a  craig, 
and  there  he  saw  slee  Tod  Lowrie  (sly  fox)  sitting.  And 
slee  Tod  Lowrie  says :  "  Where's  tu  gaun,  Wee  Robin  ?  "  And 
Wee  Robin  says :  "I'm  gaun  awa'  to  the  king  to  sing  him  a 
sang  this  guid  Yule  morning."  And  slee  Tod  Lowrie  says : 
"  Come  here,  Wee  Robin,  and  I'll  let  ye  see  a  bonny  spot  on 
the  tap  o'  my  tail."  But  Wee  Robin  says :  "  Na,  na !  slee  Tod 
Lowrie,  na,  na!  Ye  worry't  the  wee  lammie,  but  ye'se  no 
worry  me."  So  Wee  Robin  flew  awa'  till  he  came  to  a  bonny 
burn-side,  and  there  he  saw  a  wee  callant  sitting.  And  the 
wee  callant  says :  "  Where's  tu  gaun,  Wee  Robin  ?  "  And 
Wee  Robin  says :  "  I'm  gaun  awa'  to  the  king  to  sing  him  a 

[380] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

sang  this  guid  Yule  morning."  And  the  wee  callant  says: 
"Come  here,  Wee  Robin,  and  I'll  gie  ye  a  wheen  grand  moolins 
(crumbs)  out  o'  my  pooch."  But  Wee  Robin  says:  "  Na,  na! 
wee  callant,  na,  na!  Ye  speldert  (knocked  down)  the  gowd- 
spink  (goldfinch),  but  ye'se  no  spelder  me."  So  Wee  Robin 
flew  awa'  till  he  came  to  the  king ;  and  there  he  sat  on  a  win- 
nock  sole  (plowshare),  and  sang  the  king  a  bonny  sang. 
And  the  king  says  to  the  queen :  "  What'll  we  gie  to  Wee 
Robin  for  singing  us  this  bonny  sang  ?  "  And  the  queen  says 
to  the  king :  "  I  think  we'll  gie  him  the  wee  wran  to  be  his 
wife."  So  Wee  Robin  and  the  wee  wran  were  married,  and 
the  king,  and  the  queen,  and  a'  the  court  danced  at  the  wad- 
din'  ;  syne  he  flew  awa'  home  to  his  ain  waterside,  and  hoppit 
on  a  brier. 

Attributed  to  ROBERT  BURNS. 


[381] 


The   Giant's   Shoes 

NCE  upon  a  time  there  was  a  large  giant  who  lived  in  a 
small  castle ;  at  least  he  didn't  all  of  him  live  there,  but 
he  managed  things  in  this  wise.  From  his  earliest 
youth  up,  his  legs  had  been  of  a  surreptitiously  small  size, 
unsuited  to  the  rest  of  his  body;  so  he  sat  upon  the  south- 
west wall  of  the  castle  with  his  legs  inside,  and  his  right 
foot  came  out  of  the  east  gate,  and  his  left  foot  out  of  the 
north  gate,  while  his  gloomy  but  spacious  coat  tails  covered 
up  the  south  and  the  west  gates ;  and  in  this  way  the  castle 
was  defended  against  all  comers,  and  was  deemed  impreg- 
nable by  the  military  authorities.  This,  however,  as  we 
shall  soon  see,  was  not  the  case,  for  the  giant's  boots  were 
inside  as  well  as  his  legs,  but,  as  he  had  neglected  to  put 
them  on  in  the  giddy  days  of  his  youth,  he  was  never 
afterward  able  to  do  so,  because  there  was  not  enough 
room.  And  in  this  bootless  but  compact  manner  he  passed 
his  time. 

The  giant  slept  for  three  weeks  at  a  time,  and  two  days 
after  he  woke  his  breakfast  was  brought  to  him,  consisting  of 
bright  brown  horses  sprinkled  on  his  bread  and  butter.  Be- 
sides his  boots,  the  giant  had  a  pair  of  shoes,  and  in  one  of 
them  his  wife  lived  when  she  was  at  home ;  on  other  occasions 
she  lived  in  the  other  shoe.  She  was  a  sensible,  practical  kind 
of  woman,  with  two  wooden  legs  and  a  clothes-horse ;  but  in 
other  respects  not  rich.  The  wooden  legs  were  kept  pointed 
at  the  end  in  order  that,  if  the  giant  were  dissatisfied  with  his 
breakfast,  he  might  pick  up  any  stray  people  that  were  within 
reach,  using  his  wife  as  a  fork.  This  annoyed  the  inhabitants 
of  the  district,  so  that  they  built  their  church  in  a  south- 

[382] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

western  direction  from  the  castle  behind  the  giant's  back,  that 
he  might  not  be  able  to  pick  them  up  as  they  went  in.  But 
those  who  stayed  outside  to  play  pitch-and-toss  were  exposed 
to  great  danger  and  sufferings. 

Now,  in  the  village  there  were  two  brothers  of  altogether 
different  tastes  and  dispositions,  and  talents,  and  peculiarities, 
and  accomplishments,  and  in  this  way  they  were  discovered 
not  to  be  the  same  person.  The  elder  of  them  was  most  mar- 
velously  good  at  singing,  and  could  sing  the  Old  Hundredth 
an  old  hundred  times  without  stopping.  Whenever  he  did  this, 
he  stood  on  one  leg  and  tied  the  other  round  his  neck  to  avoid 
catching  cold  and  spoiling  his  voice,  but  the  neighbors  fled. 
And  he  was  also  a  rare  hand  at  making  guava  dumplings  out 
of  three  cats  and  a  shoe-horn,  which  is  an  accomplishment 
seldom  met  with.  But  his  brother  was  a  more  meager,  mag- 
nanimous person,  and  his  chief  accomplishment  was  to  eat  a 
wagon-load  of  hay  overnight,  and  wake  up  thatched  in  the 
morning. 

The  whole  interest  of  this  story  depends  upon  the  fact  that 
the  giant's  wife's  clothes-horse  broke  in  consequence  of  a  sud- 
den thaw,  being  made  of  organ-pipes.  So  she  took  off  her 
wooden  legs  and  stuck  them  in  the  ground,  tying  a  string 
from  the  top  of  one  to  the  top  of  the  other,  and  hung  out  her 
clothes  to  dry  on  that.  Now,  this  was  astutely  remarked  by 
the  two  brothers,  who  therefore  went  up  in  front  of  the 
giant  after  he  had  had  his  breakfast.  The  giant  called 
out,  "  Fork !  fork !  "  but  his  wife,  trembling,  hid  herself  in 
the  more  recondite  toe  of  the  second  shoe.  Then  the  sing- 
ing brother  began  to  sing,  but  he  had  not  taken  into  account 
the  pious  disposition  of  the  giant,  who  instantly  joined  in 
the  psalm;  and  this  caused  the  singing  brother  to  burst  his 
head  off,  but,  as  it  was  tied  by  the  leg,  he  did  not  lose  it  alto- 
gether. 

But  the  other  brother,  being  well  thatched  on  account  of  the 
quantity  of  hay  he  had  eaten  overnight,  lay  down  between  the 
great  toe  of  the  giant  and  the  next,  and  wriggled.  So  the 
giant,  being  unable  to  bear  tickling  in  the  feet,  kicked  out  in 

[383] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

an  orthopaedal  manner;  whereupon  the  castle  broke,  and  he 
fell  backward,  and  was  impaled  upon  the  sharp  steeple  of  the 
church.     So  they  put  a  label  on  him  on  which  was  written: 
"  Nudipes  Gigantens." 
That's  all.  WILLIAM  KINGDOM  CLIFFORD. 


[384] 


The   Farmer  and  the   Money -Lender 

rHERE  was  once  a  Farmer  who  suffered  much  at  the 
hands  of  a  Money-lender.  Good  harvests  or  bad 
the  Farmer  was  always  poor,  the  Money-lender  rich. 
At  the  last,  when  he  hadn't  a  farthing  left,  the  Farmer  went 
to  the  Money-lender's  house  and  said :  "  You  can't  squeeze 
water  from  a  stone,  and,  as  you  have  nothing  to  get  by  me 
now,  you  might  tell  me  the  secret  of  becoming  rich." 

"  My  friend,"  returned  the  Money-lender  piously,  "  riches 
come  from  Ram — ask  him." 

"  Thank  you,  I  will !  "  replied  the  simple  Farmer ;  so  he  pre- 
pared three  girdle-cakes  to  last  him  on  the  journey,  and  set 
out  to  find  Ram. 

First  he  met  a  Brahman,  and  to  him  he  gave  a  cake,  asking 
him  to  point  out  the  road  to  Ram ;  but  the  Brahman  only  took 
the  cake,  and  went  on  his  way  without  a  word.  Next  the 
Farmer  met  a  yogi,  or  devotee,  and  to  him  he  gave  a  cake, 
without  receiving  any  help  in  return.  At  last  he  came  upon 
a  poor  man  sitting  under  a  tree,  and  finding  out  he  was  hun- 
gry the  kindly  Farmer  gave  him  his  last  cake,  and,  sitting 
down  to  rest  beside  him,  entered  into  conversation. 

"  And  where  are  you  going  ? "  asked  the  poor  man,  at 
length. 

"  Oh,  I  have  a  long  journey  before  me,  for  I  am  going  to 
find  Ram !  "  replied  the  Farmer.  "  I  don't  suppose  you  could 
tell  me  which  way  to  go  ?  " 

"  Perhaps  I  can,"  said  the  poor  man,  smiling,  "  for  7  am 
Ram !  What  do  you  want  of  me  ?  " 

Then  the  Farmer  told  the  whole  story,  and  Ram,  taking 
pity  on  him,  gave  him  a  conch-shell,  and  showed  him  how  to 
blow  it  in  a  particular  way,  saying :  "  Remember !  whatever 

[385] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

you  wish  for,  you  have  only  to  blow  the  conch  that  way,  and 
your  wish  will  be  fulfilled.  Only,  have  a  care  of  that  Money- 
lender, for  even  magic  is  not  proof  against  his  wiles !  " 

The  Farmer  went  back  to  his  village  rejoicing.  In  fact,  the 
Money-lender  noticed  his  high  spirits  at  once,  and  said  to  him- 
self :  "  Some  good  fortune  must  have  befallen  the  stupid  fel- 
low, to  make  him  hold  his  head  so  jauntily."  Therefore  he 
went  over  to  the  simple  Farmer's  house,  and  congratulated 
him  on  his  good  fortune  in  such  cunning  words,  pretending 
to  have  heard  all  about  it,  that  before  long  the  Farmer  found 
himself  telling  the  whole  story — all  except  the  secret  of  blow- 
ing the  conch,  for,  with  all  his  simplicity,  the  Farmer  was 
not  quite  such  a  fool  as  to  tell  that. 

Nevertheless,  the  Money-lender  determined  to  have  the 
conch  by  hook  or  by  crook,  and,  as  he  was  villain  enough  not' 
to  stick  at  trifles,  he  waited  for  a  favorable  opportunity  and 
stole  the  conch. 

But,  after  nearly  bursting  himself  with  blowing  the  conch 
in  every  conceivable  way,  he  was  obliged  to  give  up  the  secret 
as  a  bad  job.  However,  being  determined  to  succeed,  he  went 
back  to  the  Farmer,  and  said  coolly :  "  Look  here !  I've  got 
your  conch,  but  I  can't  use  it ;  you  haven't  got  it,  so  it's  clear 
you  can't  use  it  either.  Business  is  at  a  standstill  unless  we 
make  a  bargain.  Now,  I  promise  to  give  you  back  your  conch, 
and  never  to  interfere  with  your  using  it,  on  one  condi- 
tion, which  is  this — whatever  you  get  from  it,  I  am  to  get 
double." 

"  Never !  "  cried  the  Farmer ;  "  that  would  be  the  old  busi- 
ness all  over  again !  " 

"  Not  at  all !  "  replied  the  wily  Money-lender ;  "  you  will 
have  your  share!  Now,  don't  be  a  dog  in  the  manger,  for,  if 
you  get  all  you  want,  what  can  it  matter  to  you  if  /  am  rich 
or  poor  ?  " 

At  last,  though  it  went  sorely  against  the  grain  to  be  of 
any  benefit  to  a  Money-lender,  the  Farmer  was  forced  to  yield, 
and  from  that  time,  no  matter  what  he  gained  by  the  power 
of  the  conch,  the  Money-lender  gained  double.  And  the 

[386]    ' 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

knowledge  that  this  was  so,  preyed  upon  the  Farmer's  mind 
day  and  night,  so  that  he  had  no  satisfaction  out  of  anything. 

At  last  there  came  a  very  dry  season — so  dry  that  the 
Farmer's  crops  withered  for  want  of  rain.  Then  he  blew  his 
conch,  and  wished  for  a  well  to  water  them,  and  lo!  there 
was  the  well,  but  the  Money-lender  had  two\ — two  beautiful 
new  wells !  This  was  too  much  for  any  Farmer  to  stand ;  and 
our  friend  brooded  over  it,  and  brooded  over  it,  till  at  last  a 
bright  idea  came  into  his  head.  He  seized  the  conch,  blew 
it  loudly,  and  cried  out :  "  Oh,  Ram !  I  wish  to  be  blind  of 
one  eye !  "  And  so  he  was,  in  a  twinkling,  but  the  Money- 
lender, of  course,  was  blind  of  both,  and  in  trying  to  steer  his 
way  between  the  two  new  wells  he  fell  into  one,  and  was 
drowned. 

Now,  this  true  story  shows  that  a  Farmer  once  got  the 
better  of  a  Money-lender — but  only  by  losing  one  of  his  eyes. 


[387] 


How  the  Sun,   the   Moon,   and  the    W^ind 
Went   Out  to  Dinner 


NE  day  the  Sun,  the  Moon,  and  the  Wind  went  out  to 
dine  with  their  uncle  and  aunt,  the  thunder  and  light- 
ning.  Their  mother  (one  of  the  most  distant  stars 
you  see  far  up  in  the  sky)  waited  alone  for  her  children's 
return. 

Now  both  the  Sun  and  the  Wind  were  greedy  and  selfish. 
They  enjoyed  the  great  feast  that  had  been  prepared  for  them, 
without  a  thought  of  saving  any  of  it  to  take  home  to  their 
mother;  but  the  gentle  Moon  did  not  forget  her.  Of  every 
dainty  dish  that  was  brought  round,  she  placed  a  small  por- 
tion under  one  of  her  beautiful  long  finger-nails,  that  the  Star 
might  also  have  a  share  in  the  treat. 

On  their  return,  their  mother,  who  had  kept  watch  for  them 
all  night  long  with  her  little  bright  eye,  said :  "  Well,  children, 
what  have  you  brought  home  for  me?"  Then  the  Sun  (who 
was  the  eldest)  said :  "  I  have  brought  nothing  home  for  you. 
I  went  out  to  enjoy  myself  with  my  friends,  not  to  fetch  a 
dinner  for  my  mother !  "  And  the  Wind  said :  "  Neither  have 
I  brought  anything  home  for  you,  mother.  You  could  hardly 
expect  me  to  bring  a  collection  of  good  things  for  you  when 
I  merely  went  out  for  my  own  pleasure."  But  the  Moon 
said :  "  Mother,  fetch  a  plate ;  see  what  I  have  brought  you." 
And,  shaking  her  hands,  she  showered  down  such  a  choice 
dinner  as  never  was  seen  before. 

Then  the  Star  turned  to  the  Sun  and  spoke  thus :  "  Because 
you  went  out  to  amuse  yourself  with  your  friends,  and  feasted 
and  enjoyed  yourself  without  any  thought  of  your  mother  at 
home,  you  shall  be  cursed.  Henceforth,  your  rays  shall  ever 

[388] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

be  hot  and  scorching,  and  shall  burn  all  that  they  touch.  And 
men  shall  hate  you  and  cover  their  heads  when  you  appear." 

(And  that  is  why  the  Sun  is  so  hot  to  this  day.) 

Then  she  turned  to  the  Wind  and  said :  "  You  also,  who 
forgot  your  mother  in  the  midst  of  your  selfish  pleasures,  hear 
your  doom.  You  shall  always  blow  in  the  hot,  dry  weather, 
and  shall  parch  and  shrivel  all  living  things.  And  men  shall 
detest  and  avoid  you  from  this  very  time." 

(And  that  is  why  the  Wind  in  the  hot  weather  is  still  so 
disagreeable. ) 

But  to  the  Moon  she  said :  "  Daughter,  because  you  remem- 
bered your  mother,  and  kept  for  her  a  share  in  your  own  en- 
joyment, from  henceforth  you  shall  be  ever  cool,  and  calm, 
and  bright.  No  noxious  glare  shall  accompany  your  pure 
rays,  and  men  shall  always  call  you  '  blessed/  " 

(And  that  is  why  the  Moon's  light  is  so  soft,  and  cool,  and 
beautiful  even  to  this  day.) 


389] 


Singh   Rajah  and  the   Cunning   Little 
"Jackals 


upon  a  time,  in  a  great  jungle,  there  lived  a  great 
lion.  He  was  rajah  of  all  the  country  round,  and  every 
day  he  used  to  leave  his  den,  in  the  deepest  shadow  of 
the  rocks,  and  roar  with  a  loud,  angry  voice;  and  when  he 
roared,  the  other  animals  in  the  jungle,  who  were  all  his  sub- 
jects, got  very  much  frightened  and  ran  here  and  there;  and 
Singh  Rajah  would  pounce  upon  them  and  kill  them,  and 
gobble  them  up  for  his  dinner. 

This  went  on  for  a  long,  long  time  until,  at  last,  there  were 
no  living  creatures  left  in  the  jungle  but  two  little  jackals  — 
a  Rajah  Jackal  and  a  Ranee  Jackal  —  husband  and  wife. 

A  very  hard  time  of  it  the  poor  little  jackals  had,  running 
this  way  and  that  to  escape  the  terrible  Singh  Rajah;  and 
every  day  the  little  Ranee  Jackal  would  say  to  her  husband: 
"  I  am  afraid  he  will  catch  us  to-day  ;  do  you  hear  how  he  is 
roaring?  Oh,  dear!  oh,  dear!"  And  he  would  answer  her: 
"  Never  fear  ;  I  will  take  care  of  you.  Let  us  run  on  a  mile 
or  two.  Come  ;  come  quick,  quick,  quick  !  "  And  they  would 
both  run  away  as  fast  as  they  could. 

After  some  time  spent  in  this  way,  they  found,  however, 
one  fine  day,  that  the  lion  was  so  close  upon  them  that 
they  could  not  escape.  Then  the  little  Ranee  Jackal  said: 
"  Husband,  husband,  I  feel  much  frightened.  The  Singh 
Rajah  is  so  angry  he  will  certainly  kill  us  at  once.  What 
can  we  do  ?  "  But  he  answered  :  "  Cheer  up  ;  we  can  save 
ourselves  yet.  Come,  and  I'll  show  you  how  we  may  man- 
age  it." 

So  what  did  these  cunning  little  jackals  do  but  they  went 

[390] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

to  the  great  lion's  den ;  and,  when  he  saw  them  coming,  he 
began  to  roar  and  shake  his  mane,  and  he  said :  "  You  little 
wretches,  come  and  be  eaten  at  once!  I  have  had  no  dinner 
for  three  whole  days,  and  all  that  time  I  have  been  running 
over  hill  and  dale  to  find  you.  Ro-a-ar!  Ro-a-ar!  Come 
and  be  eaten,  I  say ! "  and  he  lashed  his  tail  and  gnashed  his 
teeth,  and  looked  very  terrible  indeed.  Then  the  Jackal  Rajah, 
creeping  quite  close  up  to  him,  said :  "  Oh,  great  Singh  Rajah, 
we  all  know  you  are  our  master,  and  we  would  have  come  at 
your  bidding  long  ago ;  but,  indeed,  sir,  there  is  a  much  bigger 
rajah  even  than  you  in  this  jungle,  and  he  tried  to  catch  hold 
of  us  and  eat  us  up,  and  frightened  us  so  much  that  we  were 
obliged  to  run  away." 

"What  do  you  mean?"  growled  Singh  Rajah.  "There  is 
no  king  in  this  jungle  but  me !  "  "  Ah,  sire,"  answered  the 
jackal,  "  in  truth  one  would  think  so,  for  you  are  very  dread- 
ful. Your  very  voice  is  death.  But  it  is  as  we  say,  for  we, 
with  our  own  eyes,  have  seen  one  with  whom  you  could  not 
compete — whose  equal  you  can  no  more  be  than  we  are  yours 
— whose  face  is  as  flaming  fire,  his  step  as  thunder,  and  his 
power  supreme."  "  It  is  impossible ! "  interrupted  the  old 
lion ;  "  but  show  me  this  rajah  of  whom  you  speak  so  much, 
that  I  may  destroy  him  instantly !  " 

Then  the  little  jackals  ran  on  before  him  until  they  reached 
a  great  well,  and,  pointing  down  to  his  own  reflection  in  the 
water,  they  said :  "  See,  sire,  there  lives  the  terrible  king  of 
whom  we  spoke."  When  Singh  Rajah  looked  down  the  well 
he  became  very  angry,  for  he  thought  he  saw  another  lion 
there.  He  roared  and  shook  his  great  mane,  and  the  shadow 
lion  shook  his  and  looked  terribly  defiant.  At  last,  beside  him- 
self with  rage  at  the  violence  of  his  opponent,  Singh  Rajah 
sprang  down  to  kill  him  at  once,  but  no  other  lion  was  there 
— only  the  treacherous  reflection — and  the  sides  of  the  well 
were  so  steep  that  he  could  not  get  out  again  to  punish  the 
two  jackals,  who  peeped  over  the  top.  After  struggling  for 
some  time  in  the  deep  water,  he  sank  to  rise  no  more.  And 
the  little  jackals  threw  stones  down  upon  him  from  above,  and 

[391] 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

danced  round  and  round  the  well,  singing :  "  Ao !  Ao !  Ao !  Ao ! 
The  king  of  the  forest  is  dead,  is  dead!  We  have  killed  the 
great  lion  who  would  have  killed  us!  Ao!  Ao!  Ao!  Ao! 
Ring-a-ting  —  ding-a-ting !  Ring-a-ting  —  ding-a-ting !  Ao ! 
Ao!  Ao!" 


[392] 


Harisarman 

rHERE  was  a  certain  Brahman  in  a  certain  village, 
named  Harisarman.  He  was  poor  and  foolish  and 
in  evil  case  for  want  of  employment,  and  he  had  very 
many  children,  that  he  might  reap  the  fruit  of  his  misdeeds 
in  a  former  life.  He  wandered  about  begging  with  his  family, 
and  at  last  he  reached  a  certain  city,  and  entered  the  service 
of  a  rich  householder  called  Sthuladatta.  His  sons  became 
keepers  of  Sthuladatta's  cows  and  other  property,  and  his  wife 
a  servant  to  him,  and  he  himself  lived  near  his  house,  per- 
forming the  duty  of  an  attendant.  One  day  there  was  a  feast 
on  account  of  the  marriage  of  the  daughter  of  Sthuladatta, 
largely  attended  by  many  friends  of  the  bridegroom  and 
merry-makers.  Harisarman  hoped  that  he  would  be  able  to 
fill  himself  up  to  the  throat  with  ghee  and  flesh  and  other 
dainties,  and  get  the  same  for  his  family,  in  the  house  of  his 
patron.  While  he  was  anxiously  expecting  to  be  fed,  no  one 
thought  of  him. 

Then  he  was  distressed  at  getting  nothing  to  eat,  and  he 
said  to  his  wife  at  night :  "  It  is  owing  to  my  poverty  and 
stupidity  that  I  am  treated  with  such  disrespect  here;  so  I 
will  pretend  by  means  of  an  artifice  to  possess  a  knowledge 
of  magic,  so  that  I  may  become  an  object  of  respect  to  this 
Sthuladatta ;  so,  when  you  get  an  opportunity,  tell  him  that  I 
possess  magical  knowledge."  He  said  this  to  her,  and  after 
turning  the  matter  over  in  his  mind,  while  people  were  asleep 
he  took  away  from  the  house  of  Sthuladatta  a  horse  on  which 
his  master's  son-in-law  rode.  He  placed  it  in  concealment  at 
some  distance,  and  in  the  morning  the  friends  of  the  bride- 
groom could  not  find  the  horse,  though  they  searched  in  every 
direction.  Then,  while  Sthuladatta  was  distressed  at  the  evil 

[393] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

omen,  and  searching  for  the  thieves  who  had  carried  off  the 
horse,  the  wife  of  Harisarman  came  and  said  to  him :  "  My 
husband  is  a  wise  man,  skilled  in  astrology  and  magical  sci- 
ences ;  he  can  get  the  horse  back  for  you — why  do  you  not 
ask  him  ?  "  When  Sthuladatta  heard  that,  he  called  Harisar- 
man, who  said,  "  Yesterday  I  was  forgotten,  but  to-day,  now 
the  horse  is  stolen,  I  am  called  to  mind,"  and  Sthuladatta  then 
propitiated  the  Brahman  with  these  words,  "  I  forgot  you, 
forgive  me,"  and  asked  him  to  tell  him  who  had  taken  away 
their  horse.  Then  Harisarman  drew  all  kinds  of  pretended 
diagrams,  and  said :  "  The  horse  has  been  placed  by  thieves 
on  the  boundary  line  south  from  this  place.  It  is  concealed 
there,  and  before  it  is  carried  off  to  a  distance,  as  it  will  be 
at  close  of  day,  go  quickly  and  bring  it."  When  they  heard 
that,  many  men  ran  and  brought  the  horse  quickly,  praising 
the  discernment  of  Harisarman.  Then  Harisarman  was  hon- 
ored by  all  men  as  a  sage,  and  dwelt  there  in  happiness,  hon- 
ored by  Sthuladatta. 

Now,  as  days  went  on,  much  treasure,  both  of  gold  and 
jewels,  had  been  stolen  by  a  thief  from  the  palace  of  the  king. 
As  the  thief  was  not  known,  the  king  quickly  summoned 
Harisarman  on  account  of  his  reputation  for  knowledge  of 
magic.  And  he,  when  summoned,  tried  to  gain  time,  and 
said,  "  I  will  tell  you  to-morrow,"  and  then  he  was  placed  in 
a  chamber  by  the  king  and  carefully  guarded.  And  he  was 
sad  because  he  had  pretended  to  have  knowledge.  Now,  in 
that  palace  there  was  a  maid  named  Jihva  (which  means 
Tongue),  who,  with  the  assistance  of  her  brother,  had  stolen 
that  treasure  from  the  interior  of  the  palace.  She,  being 
alarmed  at  Harisarman's  knowledge,  went  at  night  and  ap- 
plied her  ear  to  the  door  of  that  chamber  in  order  to  find  out 
what  he  was  about.  And  Harisarman,  who  was  alone  inside, 
was  at  that  very  moment  blaming  his  own  tongue,  that  had 
made  a  vain  assumption  of  knowledge.  He  said :  "  Oh,  tongue, 
what  is  this  that  you  have  done  through  your  greediness? 
Wicked  one,  you  will  soon  receive  punishment  in  full."  When 
Jihva  heard  this,  she  thought,  in  her  terror,  that  she  had  been 

[394] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

discovered  by  this  wise  man,  and  she  managed  to  get  in  where 
he  was,  and,  falling  at  his  feet,  she  said  to  the  supposed 
wizard :  "  Brahman,  here  I  am,  that  Jihva  whom  you  have 
discovered  to  be  the  thief  of  the  treasure,  and  after  I  took  it 
I  buried  it  in  the  earth  in  a  garden  behind  the  palace,  under 
a  pomegranate  tree.  So  spare  me,  and  receive  the  small  quan- 
tity of  gold  which  is  in  my  possession." 

When  Harisarman  heard  that,  he  said  to  her  proudly :  "  De- 
part, I  know  all  this ;  I  know  the  past,  present,  and  future,  but 
I  will  not  denounce  you,  being  a  miserable  creature  that  has 
implored  my  protection.  But  whatever  gold  is  in  your  pos- 
session you  must  give  back  to  me."  When  he  said  this  to  the 
maid,  she  consented,  and  departed  quickly.  But  Harisarman  re- 
flected in  his  astonishment :  "  Fate  brings  about,  as  if  in  sport, 
things  impossible ;  for,  when  calamity  was  so  near,  who  would 
have  thought  chance  would  have  brought  us  success?  While 
I  was  blaming  my  jihva,  the  thief  Jihva  suddenly  flung  herself 
at  my  feet.  Secret  crimes  manifest  themselves  by  means  of 
fear."  Thus  thinking,  he  passed  the  night  happily  in  the  cham- 
ber. And  in  the  morning  he  brought  the  king,  by  some  skilful 
parade  of  pretended  knowledge,  into  the  garden  and  led  him 
up  to  the  treasure,  which  was  buried  under  the  pomegranate 
tree,  and  said  that  the  thief  had  escaped  with  a  part  of  it. 
Then  the  king  was  pleased,  and  gave  him  the  revenue  of  many 
villages. 

But  the  minister,  named  Devajnanin,  whispered  in  the  king's 
ear :  "  How  can  a  man  possess  such  knowledge  unattainable 
by  men  without  having  studied  the  books  of  magic?  You 
may  be  certain  that  this  is  a  specimen  of  the  way  he  makes 
a  dishonest  livelihood,  by  having  a  secret  intelligence  with 
thieves.  It  will  be  much  better  to  test  him  by  some  new  arti- 
fice." Then  the  king  of  his  own  accord  brought  a  covered 
pitcher  into  which  he  had  thrown  a  frog,  and  said  to  Harisar- 
man :  "  Brahman,  if  you  can  guess  what  there  is  in  this  pitcher, 
I  will  do  you  great  honor  to-day."  When  the  Brahman 
Harisarman  heard  that,  he  thought  that  his  last  hour  had  come, 
and  he  called  to  mind  the  pet  name  of  "  Froggie,"  which  his 

[395] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

father  had  given  him  in  his  childhood  in  sport;  and,  impelled 
by  luck,  he  called  to  himself  by  his  pet  name,  lamenting  his 
hard  fate,  and  suddenly  called  out :  "  This  is  a  fine  pitcher  for 
you,  Froggie ;  it  will  soon  become  the  swift  destroyer  of  your 
helpless  self."  The  people  there,  when  they  heard  him  say 
that,  raised  a  shout  of  applause,  because  his  speech  chimed  in 
so  well  with  the  object  presented  to  him,  and  murmured :  "  Ah ! 
a  great  sage ;  he  knows  even  about  the  frog !  "  Then  the  king, 
thinking  that  this  was  all  due  to  knowledge  of  divination,  was 
highly  delighted,  and  gave  Harisarman  the  revenue  of  more 
villages,  with  gold,  an  umbrella,  and  state  carriages  of  all 
kinds.  So  Harisarman  prospered  in  the  world. 


[396 


It    Is    iuite    True 


J"JT7rHAT  a  dreadful  story !  "   exclaimed  a  hen ;  "  it  so 

^r^r  frightened  me  that  I  did  not  dare  to  sleep  alone 

*    r  in  the  hen-house  all  night.    I  was  glad  there  were 

so  many  of  us."     And  she  began  to  relate  to  the  other  hens 

who  were  on  the  roosting-perch  above,  the  story  she  had  heard, 

till  their  feathers  stood  on  end,  and  even  the  cock  let  his  comb 

droop,  it  was  so  dreadful. 

But  we  will  begin  at  the  beginning,  and  discover  what  really 
had  happened  in  the  hen-house  on  the  other  side  of  the  town. 

One  evening  just  before  sunset  the  hens  as  usual  went  early 
to  roost,  and  among  them  was  a  pretty  hen  with  white  feathers 
and  short  legs,  who  laid  regularly  such  fine  eggs  that  she  was 
very  valuable,  and  much  esteemed  by  all  her  relations. 

As  this  hen  was  flying  up  in  the  hen-house  to  the  roosting- 
perch,  she  either  pecked  or  scratched  herself  with  her  beak 
till  one  of  her  feathers  fell  off. 

"  There  goes  another,"  she  said  good  humoredly ;  "  how 
beautiful  I  shall  look  if  one  falls  off  every  time  I  scratch  my- 
self." This  white  hen  was  not  only  very  much  esteemed,  but 
also  the  merriest  of  all  the  hens  in  the  hen-house. 

But  she  forgot  all  about  the  fallen  feather,  and  was  soon 
asleep. 

It  became  quite  dark.  The  hens  were  seated  side  by  side 
near  each  other  on  the  perch,  but  one  of  them  could  not  sleep, 
for  she  had  partly  heard  what  the  white  hen  said. 

The  wakeful  hen  stayed  and  thought,  and  then  said  to  her 
next  neighbor :  "  Have  you  heard  ?  I  name  no  one,  but  a  hen 
has  plucked  out  all  her  feathers,  and  is  not  fit  to  be  seen.  If 
I  were  the  cock,  I  should  despise  her." 

The  gossiping  hen  soon  after  left  the  hen-house,  and  went 

[397] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

to  visit  an  owl  who  lived  just  opposite  with  her  husband  and 
children.  The  owl  families  have  very  sharp  ears,  and  they 
heard  every  word  that  their  neighbor  the  hen  said,  and  the 
little  ones  rolled  their  eyes  about  while  the  mother  owl  fanned 
herself  with  her  wings. 

"  To  repeat  just  what  you  have  been  told  is  nothing,"  con- 
tinued the  hen,  "  but  I  really  and  truly  heard  what  was  said 
with  my  own  ears,  and  people  must  hear  a  great  deal,  even  if 
they  do  disapprove.  It  is  about  a  hen  who  has  forgotten  what 
was  due  to  herself  in  her  high  position ;  she  has  pulled  out 
all  her  feathers,  and  then  allowed  the  world  to  see  her  in  that 
bare  condition." 

"  Prenez  garde  aux  enfants"  said  the  owl  father,  "  all  this 
is  not  fit  for  the  children  to  hear." 

"  I  will  just  fly  over  and  tell  my  neighbor,"  said  the  mother 
owl ;  "  she  is  a  very  highly  esteemed  owl,  and  worthy  of  our 
acquaintance." 

"  Hu !  hu !  uhu !  "  howled  the  children,  as  the  mother  flew 
away  and  passed  by  her  neighbors,  the  pigeons,  who  were  in 
the  pigeon-house. 

"  Have  you  heard — have  you  heard  about  the  hen  that  has 
plucked  off  all  her  feathers,  and  is  going  about  quite  bare? 
She  will  freeze  to  death,  if  she  is  not  dead  already." 

"  Ooo !  Ooo !  "  cooed  the  pigeons. 

"  I  heard  of  it  in  the  neighboring  farm-yard,"  said  another ; 
"  I  have  as  good  as  seen  it  with  my  own  eyes.  The  story  is 
really  so  improper  that  no  one  cares  to  relate  it,  but  it  is  cer- 
tainly true." 

"  We  believe  it,  we  believe  every  word,"  said  the  pigeons, 
and  they  flew  down  cooing  to  the  farm-yard,  and  exclaimed : 

"  Have  you  heard  about  the  hen  ?  " 

"  The  hen !  why,  people  now  say  there  are  two  hens  who 
have  plucked  off  all  their  feathers ;  yet  one  of  them  is  not  like 
the  first,  who  did  not  wish  to  be  seen,  for  she  has  positively 
tried  to  attract  the  attention  of  everybody." 

"  It  was  a  daring  game ;  however,  they  caught  cold,  and  are 
both  dead  from  a  fever." 

[398] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  Wake  up !  wake  up ! "  crowed  the  cock  as  he  flew  out  of 
the  hen-house  to  the  palings.  Sleep  was  still  in  his  eyes,  yet 
he  stood  and  crowed  lustily. 

"  Listen,"  said  the  hen.  "  There  is  a  cock  in  the  next  farm 
who  has  unluckily  lost  three  of  his  wives;  they  had  plucked 
off  all  their  feathers,  and  died  of  cold." 

"  Go  away !  "  he  exclaimed.  "  I  will  not  hear  it — it  is  an 
ugly  story.  Send  it  away !  " 

"  Send  it  away ! "  hissed  the  bat,  while  the  hens  cackled  and 
the  cock  crowed. 

"  Send  it  away !  send  it  away !  "  and  so  the  story  flew  from 
one  farm-yard  to  another,  until  it  came  back  at  last  to  the 
place  where  the  original  circumstance  occurred. 

"  There  are  five  hens,"  thus  now  ran  the  story,  "  who  have 
plucked  off  all  their  feathers,  at  least  so  they  say ;  and  it  made 
the  cock  so  unhappy  that  he  became  quite  thin.  And  he  has 
pecked  himself  so  dreadfully  ever  since  from  indignation  and 
shame  that  at  last  he  has  fallen  down  and  died,  covered  with 
blood.  For  these  hens  had  not  only  disgraced  his  family,  but 
occasioned  a  great  loss  to  his  owner." 

And  the  hen  who  had  really  lost  the  one  feather  naturally 
could  not  recognize  her  own  story,  but  she  was  a  sensible, 
worthy  hen,  and  she  said: 

"  I  despise  these  cackling  hens ;  however,  there  shall  be  no 
more  tittle-tattle  of  this  sort.  When  people  have  a  secret 
among  themselves  to  gossip  about  in  future,  I  will  find  it  out, 
and  send  it  to  the  newspapers,  so  that  it  may  travel  through 
the  whole  land  and  be  heard  of  by  everybody. 

"  This  will  just  serve  these  cackling  hens  and  their  families 
right." 

And  the  newspapers  took  it  up  and  so  altered  the  wonderful 
story  that  at  the  last  "  it  was  actually  true  " — ONE  LITTLE 
FEATHER  HAD  BECOME  FIVE  HENS !  " 

HANS  CHRISTIAN  ANDERSEN. 


[399] 


Manabozbo  and  his   Toe 

It    .^ANABOZHO,  the  great  wizard  of  the  Indians,  was 

/i/f  s°  powerful  that  he  began  to  think  there  was  noth- 
J.  *£.  ing  he  could  not  do.  Very  wonderful  were  many 
of  his  feats,  and  he  grew  more  conceited  day  by  day.  Now, 
it  chanced  that  one  day  he  was  walking  about  amusing  him- 
self by  exercising  his  extraordinary  powers,  and  at  length  he 
came  to  an  encampment  where  one  of  the  first  things  he  noticed 
was  a  child  lying  in  the  sunshine,  curled  up  with  its  toe  in  its 
mouth. 

Manabozho  looked  at  the  child  for  some  time,  and  wondered 
at  its  extraordinary  posture. 

"  I  have  never  seen  a  child  before  lie  like  that,"  said  he 
to  himself,  "  but  I  could  lie  like  it." 

So  saying,  he  put  himself  down  beside  the  child,  and,  taking 
his  right  foot  in  his  hand,  drew  it  toward  his  mouth.  When 
he  had  brought  it  as  near  as  he  could,  it  was  yet  a  consider- 
able distance  away  from  his  lips. 

"  I  will  try  the  left  foot,"  said  Manabozho.  He  did  so,  and 
found  that  he  was  no  better  off;  neither  of  his  feet  could  he 
get  to  his  mouth.  He  curled  and  twisted,  and  bent  his  large 
limbs,  and  gnashed  his  teeth  in  rage  to  find  that  he  could  not 
get  his  toe  to  his  mouth.  All,  however,  was  vain. 

At  length  he  rose,  worn  out  with  his  exertions  and  passion, 
and  walked  slowly  away  in  a  very  ill  humor,  which  was  not 
lessened  by  the  sound  of  the  child's  laughter,  for  Manabozho's 
efforts  had  awakened  it. 

"  Ah,  ah ! "  said  Manabozho,  "  shall  I  be  mocked  by  a 
child?" 

He  did  not,  however,  revenge  himself  on  his  victor,  but  on 
his  way  homeward,  meeting  a  boy  who  did  not  treat  him  with 
proper  respect,  he  transformed  him  into  a  cedar-tree. 

"  At  least,"  said  Manabozho,  "  I  can  do  something." 

[400] 


The  Most  Frugal  of  Men 

ji  MAN  who  was  considered  the  most  frugal  of  all  the 
f-m  dwellers  in  a  certain  kingdom  heard  of  another  man 
*J-  JL  who  was  the  most  frugal  in  the  whole  world.  He 
said  to  his  son  thereupon :  "  We,  indeed,  live  upon  little,  but 
if  we  were  more  frugal  still,  we  might  live  upon  nothing  at 
all.  It  will  be  well  worth  while  for  us  to  get  instructions  in 
economy  from  the  Most  Frugal  of  Men."  The  son  agreed, 
and  the  two  decided  that  the  son  should  go  and  inquire 
whether  the  master  in  economic  science  would  take  pupils. 
An  exchange  of  presents  being  a  necessary  preliminary  to 
closer  intercourse,  the  father  told  the  son  to  take  the  smallest 
of  coins,  one  farthing,  and  to  buy  a  sheet  of  paper  of  the 
cheapest  sort.  The  boy,  by  bargaining,  got  two  sheets  of 
paper  for  the  farthing.  The  father  put  away  one  sheet,  cut 
the  other  sheet  in  halves,  and  on  one  half  drew  a  picture  of 
a  pig's  head.  This  he  put  into  a  large  covered  basket,  as  if 
it  were  the  thing  which  it  represented — the  usual  gift  sent  in 
token  of  great  respect.  The  son  took  the  basket,  and  after 
a  long  journey  reached  the  abode  of  the  most  frugal  man  in 
the  world. 

Ihe  master  of  the  house  was  absent,  but  his  son  received 
the  traveler,  learned  his  errand,  and  accepted  the  offering. 
Having  taken  from  the  basket  the  picture  of  the  pig's  head, 
he  said  courteously  to  his  visitor :  "  I  am  sorry  that  we  have 
nothing  in  the  house  that  is  worthy  to  take  the  place  of  the 
pig's  head  in  your  basket.  I  will,  however,  signify  our 
friendly  reception  of  it  by  putting  in  four  oranges  for  you  to 
take  home  with  you." 

Thereupon  the  young  man,  without  having  any  oranges  at 
hand,  made  the  motions  necessary  for  putting  the  fruit  into 

[401] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

the  basket.  The  son  of  the  most  frugal  man  in  the  kingdom 
then  took  the  basket  and  went  to  his  father  to  tell  of  thrift 
surpassing  his  own. 

When  the  most  frugal  man  in  the  *world  returned  home,  his 
son  told  him  that  a  visitor  had  been  there,  having  come  from 
a  great  distance  to  take  lessons  in  economy.  The  father  in- 
quired what  offering  he  brought  as  an  introduction,  and  the 
son  showed  the  small  outline  of  the  pig's  head  on  thin  brown 
paper.  The  father  looked  at  it,  and  then  asked  his  son  what 
he  had  sent  as  a  return  present.  The  son  told  him  he  had 
merely  made  the  motions  necessary  for  transferring  four 
oranges,  and  showed  how  he  had  clasped  the  imaginary  fruit 
and  deposited  it  in  the  visitor's  basket.  The  father  immedi- 
ately flew  into  a  terrible  rage  and  boxed  the  boy's  ears,  ex- 
claiming :  "  You  extravagant  wretch !  With  your  fingers  thus 
far  apart  you  appeared  to  give  him  large  oranges.  Why  didn't 
you  measure  out  small  ones  ?  " 


[402] 


The  Moon-Cake 

jj  LITTLE  boy  had  a  cake  that  a  big  boy  coveted.  De- 
>4f  signing  to  get  the  cake  without  making  the  little  boy 
JL  JL  cry  so  loud  as  to  attract  his  mother's  attention,  the 
big  boy  remarked  that  the  cake  would  be  prettier  if  it  were 
more  like  the  moon.  The  little  boy  thought  that  a  cake  like 
the  moon  must  be  desirable,  and  on  being  assured  by  the  big 
boy  that  he  had  made  many  such,  he  handed  over  his  cake  for 
manipulation.  The  big  boy  took  out  a  mouthful,  leaving  a 
crescent  with  jagged  edge.  The  little  boy  was  not  pleased  by 
the  change,  and  began  to  whimper ;  whereupon  the  big  boy 
pacified  him  by  saying  that  he  would  make  the  cake  into  a 
half-moon.  So  he  nibbled  off  the  horns  of  the  crescent,  and 
gnawed  the  edge  smooth ;  but  when  the  half-moon  was  made, 
the  little  boy  perceived  that  there  was  hardly  any  cake  left, 
and  he  again  began  to  snivel.  The  big  boy  again  diverted 
him  by  telling  him  that,  if  he  did  not  like  so  small  a  moon, 
he  should  have  one  that  was  just  the  size  of  the  real  orb.  He 
then  took  the  cake,  and  explained  that,  just  before  the  new 
moon  is  seen,  the  old  moon  disappears.  Then  he  swallowed 
the  rest  of  the  cake  and  ran  off,  leaving  the  little  boy  waiting 
for  the  new  moon. 


[403] 


The   Ladle  that  Fell  from  the  Moon 


X^\NCE  there  was  an  old  woman  who  lived  on  what  she 
|  M  got  by  wile  from  her  relatives  and  neighbors.  Her  hus- 
^-^  band's  brother  lived  alone  with  his  only  son,  in  a  house 
near  hers,  and  when  the  son  brought  home  a  wife  the  old 
woman  went  to  call  on  the  bride.  During  the  call  she  inquired 
of  the  bride  whether  she  had  not,  since  her  arrival  in  the 
house,  heard  a  scratching  at  night  among  the  boxes  containing 
her  wedding  outfit.  The  bride  said  she  had  not.  A  few  days 
later  the  old  woman  came  again,  and  during  the  visit  the 
bride  remarked  that,  before  the  matter  was  mentioned,  she 
had  heard  no  scratching  among  her  boxes,  but  that  since  that 
time  she  had  listened  for  it,  and  had  heard  it  every  night. 
The  old  woman  advised  her  to  look  carefully  after  her  cloth- 
ing, saying  that  there  were  evidently  many  mice  in  the  house, 
and  that  she  would  be  likely  at  any  time  to  find  her  best  gar- 
ments nibbled  into  shreds.  The  old  woman  knew  there  was 
no  cat  in  the  house,  but  she  inquired  whether  there  was  one, 
and  on  hearing  that  there  was  not,  she  offered  to  lend  the 
young  woman  her  own  black-and-white  cat,  saying  that  it 
would  soon  extirpate  all  the  mice.  The  bride  accepted  the 
loan,  and  the  old  woman  brought  the  cat,  and  left  it  in  the 
bride's  apartment.  After  a  few  hours  the  cat  disappeared, 
and  the  bride,  supposing  it  to  have  gone  home,  made  no  search 
for  it.  It  did,  indeed,  go  home,  and  the  old  woman  secretly 
disposed  of  it;  but  several  days  later  she  came  to  the  young 
woman  and  said  that,  when  she  lent  the  cat,  her  house  had 
been  free  from  mice,  but  that,  as  soon  as  the  cat  was  gone, 
the  mice  came  and  multiplied  so  fast  that  now  everything  was 
overrun  by  them,  and  she  would  be  obliged  to  take  the  cat 
home  again.  The  young  woman  told  her  that  the  cat  went 

[404] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

away  the  same  day  that  it  came,  and  she  had  supposed  it  had 
gone  home.  The  old  woman  said  it  had  not,  and  that  nothing 
could  compensate  her  for  the  loss  of  it,  for  she  had  reared  it 
herself ;  that  there  was  never  before  seen  such  a  cat  for  catch- 
ing mice;  that  a  cat,  spotted  as  that  one  was,  was  seldom 
found ;  and  that  it  was  of  the  rare  breed  which  gave  rise  to  the 
common  saying: 

A  coal-black  cat,  with  snowy  loins, 
Is  worth  its  weight  in  silver  coins. 

and  that  the  weight  of  her  cat  was  two  hundred  ounces. 

The  young  woman  was  greatly  surprised  by  this  estimate 
of  the  value  of  the  lost  cat,  and  went  to  her  father-in-law 
and  related  all  that  had  occurred.  The  father-in-law,  know- 
ing the  character  of  the  old  woman,  could  neither  eat  nor 
sleep,  so  harassed  was  he  by  the  expectation  that  she  would 
worry  his  daughter-in-law  till  the  two  hundred  ounces  of  sil- 
ver should  be  paid.  The  young  woman,  being  a  new-comer, 
thought  but  lightly  of  the  matter,  till  the  old  woman  came 
again  and  again  to  make  mention  of  the  cat.  When  it  became 
apparent  that  she  must  defend  herself,  the  young  woman 
asked  her  father-in-law  if  he  had  ever  lent  anything  to  the  old 
woman ;  and  when  he  said  he  could  not  remember  having 
lent  anything,  she  begged  him  to  think  carefully,  and  see  if 
he  could  not  recall  the  loan  of  a  tool,  a  dish,  or  a  fagot.  He 
finally  recollected  that  he  had  lent  to  her  an  old  wooden  ladle, 
but  he  said  it  originally  cost  but  a  few  farthings,  and  was 
certainly  not  worth  speaking  about. 

The  next  time  the  old  woman  came  to  dun  for  the  amount 
due  for  her  cat,  the  young  woman  asked  her  to  return  the  bor- 
rowed ladle.  The  old  woman  said  that  the  ladle  was  old  and 
valueless;  that  she  had  allowed  the  children  to  play  with  it, 
and  that  they  had  dropped  it  in  the  dirt,  where  it  had  lain  until 
she  had  picked  it  up  and  used  it  for  kindlings.  The  bride 
responded :  "  You  expect  to  enrich  yourself  and  your  family 
by  means  of  your  cat.  I  and  my  family  also  want  money. 

[405] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

Since  you  cannot  give  back  the  ladle,  we  will  both  go  before 
the  magistrate  and  present  our  cases.  If  your  cat  is  adjudged 
to  be  worth  more  than  my  ladle,  I  will  pay  you  the  excess; 
and  if  my  ladle  be  worth  more  than  your  cat,  then  you  must 
pay  me.'*  Being  sure  that  the  cat  would,  by  any  judge,  be 
considered  of  greater  value  than  the  ladle,  the  old  woman 
agreed  to  the  proposition,  and  the  two  went  before  the  magis- 
trate. The  young  woman  courteously  gave  precedence  to  the 
elder,  and  allowed  her  to  make  the  accusation.  The  old 
woman  set  forth  her  case,  and  claimed  two  hundred  ounces 
of  silver  as  a  compensation  for  the  loss  of  the  cat.  When  she 
had  concluded  her  statement,  the  judge  called  on  the  young 
woman  for  her  defense.  She  said  she  could  not  disprove  the 
statement,  but  that  the  claim  was  offset  by  a  ladle  that  had 
been  borrowed  by  the  plaintiff.  There  was  a  common  saying : 

In  the  moon  overhead,  at  its  full,  you  can  see 
The  trunk,  branch,  and  leaf  of  a  cinnamon  tree. 

A  branch  from  this  tree  had  one  night  been  blown  down 
before  her  father-in-law's  door,  and  he  had  had  a  ladle  made 
from  the  wood.  Whatever  the  ladle  was  put  into  never  dimin- 
ished by  use.  Whether  wine,  oil,  rice,  or  money,  the  bulk 
remained  the  same  if  no  ladle  beside  this  one  were  used  in 
dipping  it.  A  foreign  inn-keeper,  hearing  of  this  ladle,  came 
and  offered  her  father-in-law  three  thousand  ounces  of  silver 
for  it,  but  the  offer  was  refused.  And  this  ladle  was  the  one 
that  the  plaintiff  had  borrowed  and  destroyed. 

The  magistrate,  on  hearing  this  defense,  understood  that 
the  cat  had  been  a  pretext  for  extortion,  and  decided  that  the 
two  claims  offset  each  other,  so  that  no  payment  was  due  from 
either  one. 


The  Young   Head  of  the   Family 

rHERE  was  once  a  family  consisting  of  a  father,  his 
three  sons,  and  his  two  daughters-in-law.  The  two 
daughters-in-law,  wives  of  the  two  elder  sons,  had 
but  recently  been  brought  into  the  house,  and  were  both  from 
one  village  a  few  miles  away.  Having  no  mother-in-law  liv- 
ing, they  were  obliged  to  appeal  to  their  father-in-law  when- 
ever they  wished  to  visit  their  former  homes,  and  as  they  were 
lonesome  and  homesick  they  perpetually  bothered  the  old  man 
by  asking  leave  of  absence. 

Vexed  by  these  constant  petitions,  he  set  himself  to  invent 
a  method  of  putting  an  end  to  them,  and  at  last  gave  them 
leave  in  this  wise :  "  You  are  always  begging  me  to  allow 
you  to  go  and  visit  your  mothers,  and  thinking  that  I  am 
very  hard-hearted  because  I  do  not  let  you  go.  Now  you 
may  go,  but  only  upon  condition  that  when  you  come  back 
you  will  each  bring  me  something  I  want.  The  one  shall 
bring  me  some  fire  wrapped  in  paper,  and  the  other  some 
wind  in  a  paper.  Unless  you  promise  to  bring  me  these, 
you  are  never  to  ask  me  to  let  you  go  home;  and  if  you 
go,  and  fail  to  get  these  for  me,  you  are  never  to  come 
back." 

The  old  man  did  not  suppose  that  these  conditions  would 
be  accepted,  but  the  girls  were  young  and  thoughtless,  and 
in  their  anxiety  to  get  away  did  not  consider  the  impossibility 
of  obtaining  the  articles  required.  So  they  made  ready  with 
speed,  and  in  great  glee  started  off  on  foot  to  visit  their 
mothers.  After  they  had  walked  a  long  distance,  chatting 
about  what  they  should  do  and  whom  they  should  see  in  their 
native  village,  the  high  heel  of  one  of  them  slipped  from  under 
her  foot,  and  she  fell  down.  Owing  to  this  mishap  both 

[  407  1 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

stopped  to  adjust  the  misplaced  footgear,  and  while  doing  this 
the  conditions  under  which  alone  they  could  return  to  their 
husbands  came  to  mind,  and  they  began  to  cry. 

While  they  sat  there  crying  by  the  roadside  a  young  girl 
came  riding  along  from  the  fields  on  a  water  buffalo.  She 
stopped  and  asked  them  what  was  the  matter,  and  whether 
she  could  help  them.  They  told  her  she  could  do  them  no 
good ;  but  she  persisted  in  offering  her  sympathy  and  inviting 
their  confidence,  till  they  told  her  their  story,  and  then  she  at 
once  said  that  if  they  would  go  home  with  her  she  would 
show  them  a  way  out  of  their  trouble.  Their  case  seemed  so 
hopeless  to  themselves,  and  the  child  was  so  sure  of  her  own 
power  to  help  them,  that  they  finally  accompanied  her  to  her 
father's  house,  where  she  showed  them  how  to  comply  with 
their  father-in-law's  demand. 

For  the  first  a  paper  lantern  only  would  be  needed.  When 
lighted  it  would  be  a  fire,  and  its  paper  surface  would  com- 
pass the  blaze,  so  that  it  would  truly  be  "  some  fire  wrapped 
in  paper."  For  the  second  a  paper  fan  would  suffice.  When 
flapped,  wind  would  issue  from  it,  and  the  "  wind  wrapped  in 
paper  "  could  thus  be  carried  to  the  old  man. 

The  two  young  women  thanked  the  wise  child,  and  went 
on  their  way  rejoicing.  After  a  pleasant  visit  to  their  old 
homes,  they  took  a  lantern  and  a  fan,  and  returned  to  their 
father-in-law's  house.  As  soon  as  he  saw  them  he  began  to 
vent  his  anger  at  their  light  regard  for  his  commands,  but 
they  assured  him  that  they  had  perfectly  obeyed  him,  and 
showed  him  that  what  they  had  brought  fulfilled  the  condi- 
tions prescribed.  Much  astonished,  he  inquired  how  it  was 
that  they  had  suddenly  become  so  astute,  and  they  told  him 
the  story  of  their  journey,  and  of  the  little  girl  who  had  so 
opportunely  come  to  their  relief.  He  inquired  whether  the 
little  girl  was  already  betrothed,  and,  finding  that  she  was  not, 
engaged  a  go-between  to  see  if  he  could  get  her  for  a  wife 
for  his  youngest  son. 

Having  succeeded  in  securing  the  girl  as  a  daughter-in-law, 
he  brought  her  home,  and  told  all  the  rest  of  the  family  that 

[408] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

as  there  was  no  mother  in  the  house,  and  as  this  girl  had 
shown  herself  to  be  possessed  of  extraordinary  wisdom,  she 
should  be  the  head  of  the  household. 

The  wedding  festivities  being  over,  the  sons  of  the  old  man 
made  ready  to  return  to  their  usual  occupations  on  the  farm ; 
but,  according  to  their  father's  order,  they  came  to  the  young 
bride  for  instructions.  She  told  them  that  they  were  never 
to  go  to  or  from  the  fields  empty-handed.  When  they  went 
they  must  carry  fertilizers  of  some  sort  for  the  land,  and 
when  they  returned  they  must  bring  bundles  of  sticks  for  fuel. 
They  obeyed,  and  soon  had  the  land  in  fine  condition,  and  so 
much  fuel  gathered  that  none  need  be  bought.  When  there 
were  no  more  sticks,  roots,  or  weeds  to  bring,  she  told  them 
to  bring  stones  instead;  and  they  soon  accumulated  an  im- 
mense pile  of  stones,  which  were  heaped  in  a  yard  near  their 
house. 

One  day  an  expert  in  the  discovery  of  precious  stones  came 
along,  and  saw  in  this  pile  a  block  of  jade  of  great  value.  In 
order  to  get  possession  of  this  stone  at  a  small  cost,  he  under- 
took to  buy  the  whole  heap,  pretending  that  he  wished  to 
use  them  in  building.  The  little  head  of  the  family  asked  an 
exorbitant  price  for  them,  and,  as  he  could  not  induce  her  to 
take  less,  he  promised  to  pay  her  the  sum  she  asked,  and  to 
come  two  days  later  to  bring  the  money  and  to  remove  the 
stones.  That  night  the  girl  thought  about  the  reason  for  the 
buyer's  being  willing  to  pay  so  large  a  sum  for  Jhe  stones, 
and  concluded  that  the  heap  must  contain  a  gem.  The  next 
morning  she  sent  her  father-in-law  to  invite  the  buyer  to  sup- 
per, and  she  instructed  the  men  of  her  family  in  regard  to 
his  entertainment.  The  best  of  wine  was  to  be  provided,  and 
the  father-in-law  was  to  induce  him  to  talk  of  precious  stones, 
and  to  cajole  him  into  telling  in  what  way  they  were  to  be 
distinguished  from  other  stones. 

The  head  of  the  family,  listening  behind  a  curtain,  heard 
how  the  valuable  stone  in  her  heap  could  be  discovered.  She 
hastened  to  find  and  remove  it  from  the  pile;  and,  when  her 
guest  had  recovered  from  the  effect  of  the  banquet,  he  saw 

[409] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

that  the  value  had  departed  from  his  purchase.  He  went  to 
negotiate  again  with  the  seller,  and  she  conducted  the  con- 
ference with  such  skill  that  she  obtained  the  price  originally 
agreed  upon  for  the  heap  of  stones,  and  a  large  sum  besides 
for  the  one  in  her  possession. 

The  family,  having  become  wealthy,  built  an  ancestral  hall 
of  fine  design  and  elaborate  workmanship,  and  put  the  words 
"  No  Sorrow  "  as  an  inscription  over  the  entrance.  Soon  after, 
a  mandarin  passed  that  way,  and,  noticing  this  remarkable 
inscription,  had  his  sedan-chair  set  down,  that  he  might  in- 
quire who  were  the  people  that  professed  to  have  no  sorrow. 
He  sent  for  the  head  of  the  family,  was  much  surprised  on 
seeing  so  young  a  woman  thus  appear,  and  remarked :  "  Yours 
is  a  singular  family.  I  have  never  before  seen  one  without 
sorrow,  nor  one  with  so  young  a  head.  I  will  fine  you  for 
your  impudence.  Go  and  weave  me  a  piece  of  cloth  as  long  as 
this  road." 

"  Very  well,"  responded  the  little  woman ;  "  so  soon  as  your 
Excellency  shall  have  found  the  two  ends  of  the  road,  and 
informed  me  as  to  the  number  of  feet  in  its  length,  I  will  at 
once  begin  the  weaving." 

Finding  himself  at  fault,  the  mandarin  added,  "  And  I  also 
fine  you  as  much  oil  as  there  is  water  in  the  sea." 

"  Certainly,"  responded  the  woman ;  "  as  soon  as  you  shall 
have  measured  the  sea,  and  sent  me  correct  information  as  to 
the  number  of  gallons,  I  will  at  once  begin  to  press  out  the 
oil  from  my  beans." 

"  Indeed,"  said  the  mandarin,  "  since  you  are  so  sharp,  per- 
haps you  can  penetrate  my  thoughts.  If  you  can,  I  will  fine 
you  no  more.  I  hold  this  pet  quail  in  my  hand ;  now  tell  me 
whether  I  mean  to  squeeze  it  to  death,  or  to  let  it  fly  in  the 
air." 

"  Well,"  said  the  woman,  "  I  am  an  obscure  commoner,  and 
you  are  a  famed  magistrate ;  if  you  are  no  more  knowing  than 
I,  you  have  no  right  to  fine  me  at  all.  Now  I  stand  with  one 
foot  on  one  side  my  threshold  and  the  other  foot  on  the  other 
side;  tell  me  whether  I  mean  to  go  in  or  come  out.  If  you 

[  410  1 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

cannot  guess  my  riddle,  you  should  not  require  me  to  guess 
yours." 

Being  unable  to  guess  her  intention  the  mandarin  took  his 
departure,  and  the  family  lived  long  in  opulence  and  good 
repute  under  its  chosen  head. 


A  Dreadful  Boar 


Ji  POOR  old  woman  who  lived  with  her  one  little  grand- 
y^f  daughter  in  a  wood  was  out  gathering  sticks  for 
.-c  j£  fuel,  and  found  a  green  stalk  of  sugar-cane,  which 
she  added  to  her  bundle.  She  presently  met  an  elf  in  the  form 
of  a  wild  Boar,  that  asked  her  for  the  cane,  but  she  declined 
giving  it  to  him,  saying  that,  at  her  age,  to  stoop  and  to  rise 
again  was  to  earn  what  she  picked  up,  and  that  she  was  going 
to  take  the  cane  home,  and  let  her  little  granddaughter  suck 
its  sap.  The  Boar,  angry  at  her  refusal,  said  that  he  would, 
during  the  coming  night,  eat  her  granddaughter  instead  of 
the  cane,  and  went  off  into  the  wood. 

When  the  old  woman  reached  her  cabin  she  sat  down  by 
the  door  and  wailed,  for  she  knew  she  had  no  means  of  de- 
fending herself  against  the  Boar.  While  she  sat  crying,  a 
vender  of  needles  came  along  and  asked  her  what  was  the 
matter.  She  told  him,  and  he  said  that  all  he  could  do  for 
her  was  to  give  her  a  box  of  needles.  This  he  did,  and  went 
on  his  way.  The  old  woman  stuck  the  needles  thickly  over 
the  lower  half  of  her  door,  on  its  outer  side,  and  then  she 
went  on  crying.  Just  then  a  man  came  along  with  a  basket 
of  crabs,  heard  her  lamentations,  and  stopped  to  inquire  what 
ailed  her.  She  told  him,  and  he  said  he  knew  no  help  for  her, 
but  he  would  do  the  best  he  could  for  her  by  giving  her  half 
his  crabs.  The  old  woman  put  the  crabs  in  her  water-jar, 
behind  her  door,  and  again  sat  down  and  cried.  A  farmer 
soon  came  along  from  the  fields,  leading  his  ox,  and  he  also 
asked  the  cause  of  her  distress  and  heard  her  sad  story.  He 
said  he  was  sorry  he  could  not  think  of  any  way  of  preventing 
the  evil  she  expected,  but  that  he  would  leave  his  ox  to  stay 
all  night  with  her,  as  it  might  be  a  sort  of  company  for  her 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

in  her  loneliness.  She  led  the  ox  into  her  cabin,  tied  it  to  the 
head  of  her  bedstead,  gave  it  some  straw,  and  then  cried 
again. 

A  courier,  returning  on  horseback  from  a  neighboring  town, 
next  passed  her  door,  and  dismounted  to  inquire  what  troubled 
her.  Having  heard  her  tale,  he  said  he  would  leave  his  horse 
to  stay  with  her,  and  make  the  ox  more  contented.  So  she 
tied  the  horse  to  the  foot  of  her  bed,  and,  thinking  how  surely 
evil  was  coming  upon  her  with  the  night,  she  burst  out  crying 
anew.  A  boy  just  then  came  along  with  a  snapping-turtle 
that  he  had  caught,  and  stopped  to  ask  what  had  happened  to 
her.  On  learning  the  cause  of  her  weeping,  he  said  it  was 
of  no  use  to  contend  against  sprites,  but  that  he  would  give 
her  his  snapping-turtle  as  a  proof  of  his  sympathy.  She  took 
the  turtle,  tied  it  in  front  of  her  bedstead,  and  continued  to  cry. 

Some  men  who  were  carrying  mill-stones  then  came  along, 
inquired  into  her  trouble,  and  expressed  their  compassion  by 
giving  her  a  mill-stone,  which  they  rolled  into  her  back  yard. 
A  little  later  a  man  arrived  carrying  hoes  and  pickax,  and 
asked  her  why  she  was  crying  so  hard.  She  told  him  her 
grief,  and  he  said  he  would  gladly  help  her  if  he  could,  but 
he  was  only  a  well-digger,  and  could  do  nothing  for  her  other 
than  to  dig  her  a  well.  She  pointed  out  a  place  in  the  middle 
of  her  back  yard,  and  he  went  to  work  and  quickly  dug  a  well. 

On  his  departure  the  old  woman  cried  again,  until  a  paper- 
seller  came  and  inquired  what  was  the  matter.  When  she 
had  told  him,  he  gave  her  a  large  sheet  of  white  paper,  as  a 
token  of  pity,  and  she  laid  it  smoothly  over  the  mouth  of  the 
well. 

Nightfall  came;  the  old  woman  shut  and  barred  her  door, 
put  her  granddaughter  snugly  on  the  wall-side  of  the  bed,  and 
then  lay  down  beside  her,  to  await  the  foe. 

At  midnight  the  Boar  came,  and  threw  himself  against  the 
door  to  break  it  in.  The  needles  wounded  him  sorely,  so  that 
when  he  had  gained  an  entrance  he  was  heated  and  thirsty, 
and  went  to  the  water-jar  to  drink.  When  he  thrust  in  his 
snout  the  crabs  attacked  him,  clung  to  his  bristles  and  pinched 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

his  ears,  till  he  rolled  over  and  over  to  disencumber  himself. 
Then  in  a  rage  he  approached  the  front  of  the  bed,  but  the 
snapping-turtle  nipped  his  tail,  and  made  him  retreat  under 
the  feet  of  the  horse,  who  kicked  him  over  to  the  ox,  who 
tossed  him  back  to  the  horse;  and  thus  beset,  he  was  glad  to 
escape  to  the  back  yard  to  take  a  rest,  and  to  consider  the 
situation.  Seeing  a  clean  paper  spread  on  the  ground,  he  went 
to  lie  upon  it,  and  fell  into  the  well.  The  old  woman  heard 
the  fall,  rushed  out,  rolled  the  mill-stone  down  on  him,  and 
crushed  him. 


The   Old  Man   and  the   Devils 

ji  LONG  time  ago  there  was  an  old  man  who  had  a 
>4f  big  lump  on  the  right  side  of  his  face.  One  day  he 
JL  JL  went  into  the  mountain  to  cut  wood,  when  the  rain 
began  to  pour  and  the  wind  to  blow  so  very  hard  that,  finding 
it  impossible  to  return  home,  and  filled  with  fear,  he  took 
refuge  in  the  hollow  of  an  old  tree.  While  sitting  there 
doubled  up  and  unable  to  sleep,  he  heard  the  confused  sound 
of  many  voices  in  the  distance  gradually  approaching  to  where 
he  was.  He  said  to  himself :  "  How  strange !  I  thought  I 
was  all  alone  in  the  mountain,  but  I  hear  the  voices  of  many 
people."  So,  taking  courage,  he  peeped  out,  and  saw  a  great 
crowd  of  strange-looking  beings.  Some  were  red,  and  dressed 
in  green  clothes ;  others  were  black,  and  dressed  in  red  clothes ; 
some  had  only  one  eye;  others  had  no  mouth;  indeed,  it  is 
quite  impossible  to  describe  their  varied  and  strange  looks. 
They  kindled  a  fire,  so  that  it  became  as  light  as  day.  They 
sat  down  in  two  cross-rows,  and  began  to  drink  wine  and 
make  merry  just  like  human  beings.  They  passed  the  wine- 
cup  around  so  often  that  many  of  them  soon  drank  too  much. 
One  of  the  young  devils  got  up  and  began  to  sing  a  merry 
song  and  to  dance ;  so  also  many  others ;  some  danced  well, 
others  badly.  One  said :  "  We  have  had  uncommon  fun  to- 
night, but  I  would  like  to  see  something  new." 

Then  the  old  man,  losing  all  fear,  thought  he  would  like  to 
dance,  and  saying,  "  Let  come  what  will,  if  I  die  for  it,  I  will 
have  a  dance,  too,"  crept  out  of  the  hollow  tree  and,  with  his 
cap  slipped  over  his  nose  and  his  ax  sticking  in  his  belt,  began 
to  dance.  The  devils  in  great  surprise  jumped  up,  saying, 
"  Who  is  this  ? "  but  the  old  man  advancing  and  receding, 
swaying  to  and  fro,  and  posturing  this  way  and  that  way,  the 

[415] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

whole  crowd  laughed  and  enjoyed  the  fun,  sayings  "  How 
well  the  old  man  dances!  You  must  always  come  and  join 
us  in  our  sport ;  but,  for  fear  you  might  not  come,  you  must 
give  us  a  pledge  that  you  will."  So  the  devils  consulted  to- 
gether, and,  agreeing  that  the  lump  on  his  face,  which  was  a 
token  of  wealth,  was  what  he  valued  most  highly,  demanded 
that  it  should  be  taken.  The  old  man  replied :  "  I  have  had 
this  lump  many  years,  and  would  not  without  good  reason  part 
with  it ;  but  you  may  have  it,  or  an  eye,  or  my  nose  either  if 
you  wish."  So  the  devils  laid  hold  of  it,  twisting  and  pulling, 
and  took  it  off  without  giving  him  any  pain,  and  put  it  away 
as  a  pledge  that  he  would  come  back.  Just  then  the  day 
began  to  dawn,  and  the  birds  to  sing,  so  the  devils  hurried 
away. 

The  old  man  felt  his  face  and  found  it  quite  smooth,  and 
not  a  trace  of  the  lump  left.  He  forgot  all  about  cutting 
wood,  and  hastened  home.  His  wife,  seeing  him,  exclaimed 
in  great  surprise,  "  What  has  happened  to  you  ?  "  So  he  told 
her  all  that  had  befallen  him. 

Now,  among  the  neighbors  there  was  another  old  man  who 
had  a  big  lump  on  the  left  side  of  his  face.  Hearing  all  about 
how  the  first  old  man  had  got  rid  of  his  misfortune,  he  deter- 
mined that  he  would  also  try  the  same  plan.  So  he  went  and 
crept  into  the  hollow  tree,  and  waited  for  the  devils  to  come. 
Sure  enough,  they  came  just  as  he  was  told,  and  they  sat 
down,  drank  wine,  and  made  merry  just  as  they  did  before. 
The  second  old  man,  afraid  and  trembling,  crept  out  of  the 
hollow  tree.  The  devils  welcomed  him,  saying :  "  The  old  man 
has  come;  now  let  us  see  him  dance."  This  old  fellow  was 
awkward,  and  did  not  dance  as  well  as  the  other,  so  the 
devils  cried  out :  "  You  dance  badly,  and  are  getting  worse 
and  worse ;  we  will  give  you  back  the  lump  which  we  took 
from  you  as  a  pledge."  Upon  this,  one  of  the  devils  brought 
the  lump,  and  stuck  it  on  the  other  side  of  his  face;  so  the 
poor  old  fellow  returned  home  with  a  lump  on  each  side. 


[416] 


The    Wonderful  Tea- Kettle 

ji  LONG,  long  time  ago,  at  the  temple  of  Morinji,  in 

>4f    the  province  of  Kotsuke,  there  lived  an  old  priest. 
J-  JL         This  old  priest  was  very  fond  of  the  ceremonial 
preparing  and  drinking  of  tea  known  as  Chanoyu ;  indeed,  it 
was  his  chief  interest  and  pleasure  in  life  to  conduct  this  cere- 
mony. 

One  day  he  chanced  to  find  in  a  second-hand  shop  a  very 
nice-looking  old  Tea-kettle,  which  he  bought  and  took  home 
with  him,  highly  pleased  by  its  fine  shape  and  artistic  ap- 
pearance. 

Next  day  he  brought  out  his  new  purchase,  and  sat  for  a 
long  time  turning  it  round  on  this  side  and  on  that,  and  ad- 
miring it. 

"  You  are  a  regular  beauty,  that's  what  you  are,"  he  said ; 
"  I  shall  invite  all  my  friends  to  the  Chanoyu,  and  how  aston- 
ished they  will  be  at  finding  such  an  exquisite  kettle  as  this ! " 

He  placed  his  treasure  on  the  top  of  a  box  where  he  could 
see  it  to  the  best  advantage,  and  sat  admiring  it  and  planning 
how  he  should  invite  his  guests.  After  a  while  he  became 
drowsy  and  began  to  nod,  and  at  last  fell  forward,  his  head 
on  his  desk,  fast  asleep. 

Then  a  wonderful  transformation  took  place.  The  Tea- 
kettle began  to  move.  From  its  spout  appeared  a  hairy  head ; 
at  the  other  side  out  came  a  fine  bushy  tail;  next,  four  feet 
made  themselves  visible,  while  fine  fur  seemed  gradually  to 
cover  the  surface  of  the  kettle.  At  last,  jumping  off  the  box, 
it  began  capering  about  the  room  for  all  the  world  just  like 
a  badger. 

Three  young  novices,  pupils  of  the  priest,  who  were  at  study 
in  the  next  room,  heard  the  noise;  and,  when  one  of  them 

[417] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

peeped  through  the  sliding  doors,  what  was  his  astonishment 
to  see  the  Tea-kettle  on  four  feet  dancing  up  and  down  the 
room! 

He  cried  out :  "  Oh !  what  a  wonderful  thing !  The  Tea- 
kettle is  changed  into  a  badger !  " 

"  What !  "  said  the  second  novice.  "  Do  you  mean  to  say 
that  the  Tea-kettle  is  turned  into  a  badger  ?  What  nonsense !  " 
So  saying,  he  pushed  his  companion  to  one  side  and  peeped 
in,  but  he  also  was  terrified  by  what  he  saw,  and  screamed : 
"  It's  a  goblin !  It's  coming  at  us  ;  let  us  run  away !  " 

The  third  novice  was  not  so  easily  frightened. 

"  Come,  this  is  rather  fun,"  said  he ;  "  how  the  creature 
does  jump,  to  be  sure!  I  will  rouse  the  master,  and  let  him 
see,  too." 

So  he  went  into  the  room  and  shook  the  priest,  crying: 
"  Wake !  Master,  wake !  A  strange  thing  has  happened." 

"  What's  the  matter  ?  "  said  the  old  man,  drowsily  rubbing 
his  eyes,  "  what  a  noisy  fellow  you  are !  " 

"  Any  one  would  be  noisy  when  such  a  strange  thing  as 
this  is  going  on,"  said  the  novice.  "  Only  look,  master,  your 
Tea-kettle  has  got  feet,  and  is  running  about." 

"What!  what!  what!  What's  that  you  say?"  asked  the 
priest  again.  "  The  kettle  got  feet !  What's  this !  Let  me 
see!" 

But  by  the  time  the  old  man  was  thoroughly  roused,  the 
Tea-kettle  had  turned  into  its  ordinary  shape,  and  stood  quietly 
on  its  box  again. 

"  What  foolish  young  fellows  you  are !  "  said  the  priest. 
"  There  stands  a  kettle  on  the  top  of  a  box ;  surely  there  is 
nothing  very  strange  in  that.  No,  no,  I  have  heard  of  the 
rolling-pin  that  grew  a  pair  of  wings  and  flew  away,  but,  long 
as  I  have  lived,  never  have  I  heard  before  of  a  tea-kettle  walk- 
ing about  on  its  own  feet.  You  will  never  make  me  believe 
that." 

But  for  all  that,  the  priest  was  a  little  uneasy  in  his  mind, 
and  kept  thinking  of  the  incident  all  that  day.  When  evening 
came,  and  he  was  alone  in  his  room,  he  took  down  the  kettle, 


TALES   OF   LAUGHTER 

filled  it  with  water,  and  set  it  upon  the  embers  to  boil,  intend- 
ing to  make  some  tea.  But,  as  soon  as  the  water  began  to 
boil,  "  Hot !  hot !  "  cried  the  kettle,  and  jumped  off  the  fire. 

"  Help !  help !  "  cried  the  priest,  terrified  out  of  his  wits. 
But  when  the  novices  rushed  to  his  help,  the  kettle  at  once 
resumed  its  natural  form;  so  one  of  them,  seizing  a  stick, 
cried,  "  We'll  soon  find  out  whether  it's  alive  or  not,"  and 
began  beating  it  with  might  and  main.  There  was  evidently 
no  life  in  the  thing,  and  only  a  metallic  clang!  clang!  re- 
sponded to  his  lusty  blows. 

Then  the  old  priest  heartily  repented  having  bought  the 
mischievous  Tea-kettle,  and  was  debating  in  his  own  mind 
how  he  should  get  rid  of  it  when  who  should  drop  in  but  the 
tinker  ? 

"  Here's  the  very  man/'  thought  the  priest.  A  bargain  was 
soon  struck;  the  tinker  bought  the  Tea-kettle  for  a  few  cop- 
pers, and  carried  it  home,  well  pleased  with  his  purchase. 

Before  going  to  bed  he  took  another  look  at  it,  and  found 
it  still  better  than  he  had  at  first  thought,  so  he  went  to  sleep 
that  night  in  the  best  of  spirits. 

In  the  midst  of  a  pleasant  dream  the  tinker  suddenly  started 
up,  thinking  he  heard  somebody  moving  in  the  room,  but, 
when  he  opened  his  eyes  and  looked  about,  he  could  see  no- 
body. 

"  It  was  only  a  dream,  I  suppose,"  said  he  to  himself  as 
he  turned  over  and  went  to  sleep  again. 

But  he  was  disturbed  once  more  by  some  one  calling: 
"  Tinker !  tinker !  Get  up !  get  up !  " 

This  time  he  sprang  up,  wide  awake,  and  lo  and  behold! 
there  was  the  Tea-kettle,  with  the  head,  tail,  feet,  and  fur  of  a 
badger  strutting  up  and  down  the  room ! 

"  Goblin !  goblin !  "  shrieked  the  tinker.  But  the  Tea-kettle 
laughed  and  said: 

"  Don't  be  frightened,  my  dear  tinker.  I  am  not  a  goblin, 
only  a  wonderful  tea-kettle.  My  name  is  Bumbuku-Chagama, 
and  I  will  bring  good  luck  to  any  one  who  treats  me  well; 
but,  of  course,  I  don't  like  to  be  set  on  the  fire,  and  then 

[419] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

beaten  with  sticks,  as  happened  to  me  up  at  the  temple  yes- 
terday." 

"  How  can  I  please  you,  then  ?  "  asked  the  tinker.  "  Shall 
I  keep  you  in  a  box  ?  " 

"  Oh !  no,  no !  "  answered  the  Tea-kettle ;  I  like  nice  sweet 
things  to  eat,  and  sometimes  a  little  wine  to  drink,  just  like 
yourself.  Will  you  keep  me  in  your  house  and  feed  me?  And, 
as  I  would  not  be  a  burden  upon  you,  I  will  work  for  you 
in  any  way  you  like." 

To  this  the  tinker  agreed. 

Next  morning  he  provided  a  good  feast  for  Bumbuku,  who 
then  spoke: 

"  I  certainly  am  a  wonderful  and  accomplished  Tea-kettle, 
and  my  advice  is  that  you  take  me  round  the  country  as  a 
show,  with  accompaniments  of  singing  and  music." 

The  tinker,  thinking  well  of  this  advice,  at  once  started  a 
show,  which  he  named  the  Bambuku-Chagama.  The  lucky 
Tea-kettle  at  once  made  the  affair  a  success,  for  not  only  did 
he  walk  about  on  four  legs,  but  he  danced  the  tight  rope,  and 
went  through  all  kinds  of  acrobatic  performances,  ending  by 
making  a  profound  bow  to  the  spectators,  and  begging  for 
their  future  patronage. 

The  fame  of  these  performances  soon  spread  abroad,  and 
the  theater  was  filled  daily  to  overflowing  until,  at  length, 
even  the  princes  of  the  land  sent  to  order  the  tinker  and  his 
kettle  to  come  to  them,  and  the  show  would  take  place,  to  the 
great  delight  of  the  princesses  and  ladies  of  the  court. 

At  last  the  tinker  grew  so  rich  that  he  retired  from  busi- 
ness, and,  wishing  his  faithful  kettle  also  to  be  at  rest,  he 
took  it  back,  together  with  a  large  share  of  his  wealth,  to  the 
temple  of  Morinji,  where  it  was  laid  up  as  a  precious  treasure 
and,  some  say,  even  worshiped  as  a  saint. 


[420] 


The   Wonderful  Mallet 

NCE  upon  a  time  there  were  two  brothers.  The  elder 
was  an  honest  and  good  man,  but  he  was  very  poor, 
while  the  younger,  who  was  dishonest  and  stingy,  had 
managed  to  pile  up  a  large  fortune.  The  name  of  the  elder 
was  Kane,  and  that  of  the  younger  was  Cho. 

Now,  one  day  Kane  went  to  Cho's  house,  and  begged  for 
the  loan  of  some  seed-rice  and  some  silkworms'  eggs,  for  last 
season  had  been  unfortunate,  and  he  was  in  want  of  both. 

Cho  had  plenty  of  good  rice  and  excellent  silkworms'  eggs, 
but  he  was  such  a  miser  that  he  did  not  want  to  lend  them. 
At  the  same  time,  he  felt  ashamed  to  refuse  his  brother's  re- 
quest, so  he  gave  him  some  worm-eaten  musty  rice  and  some 
dead  eggs,  which  he  felt  sure  would  never  hatch. 

Kane,  never  suspecting  that  his  brother  would  play  him 
such  a  shabby  trick,  put  plenty  of  mulberry  leaves  with  the 
eggs,  to  be  food  for  the  silkworms  when  they  should  appear. 
Appear  they  did,  and  throve  and  grew  wonderfully,  much 
better  than  those  of  the  stingy  brother,  who  was  angry  and 
jealous  when  he  heard  of  it. 

Going  to  Kane's  house  one  day,  and  finding  his  brother  was 
out,  Cho  took  a  knife  and  killed  all  the  silkworms,  cutting 
each  poor  little  creature  in  two;  then  he  went  home  without 
having  been  seen  by  anybody. 

When  Kane  came  home  he  was  dismayed  to  find  his  silk- 
worms in  this  state,  but  he  did  not  suspect  who  had  done  him 
this  bad  trick,  and  tried  to  feed  them  with  mulberry  leaves 
as  before.  The  silkworms  came  to  life  again,  and  doubled 
the  number,  for  now  each  half  was  a  living  worm.  They 
grew  and  throve,  and  the  silk  they  spun  was  twice  as  much 
as  Kane  had  expected.  So  now  he  began  to  prosper. 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

The  envious  Cho,  seeing  this,  cut  all  his  own  silkworms  in 
half,  but,  alas!  they  did  not  come  to  life  again,  so  he  lost  a 
great  deal  of  money,  and  became  more  jealous  than  ever. 

Kane  also  planted  the  rice-seed  which  he  had  borrowed 
from  his  brother,  and  it  sprang  up,  and  grew  and  flourished 
far  better  than  Cho's  had  done. 

The  rice  ripened  well,  and  he  was  just  intending  to  cut  and 
harvest  it  when  a  flight  of  thousands  upon  thousands  of  swal- 
lows came  and  began  to  devour  it.  Kane  was  much  aston- 
ished, and  shouted  and  made  as  much  noise  as  he  could  in 
order  to  drive  them  away.  They  flew  away,  indeed,  but  came 
back  immediately,  so  that  he  kept  driving  them  away,  and  they 
kept  flying  back  again. 

At  last  he  pursued  them  into  a  distant  field,  where  he  lost 
sight  of  them.  He  was  by  this  time  so  hot  and  tired  that  he 
sat  down  to  rest.  By  little  and  little  his  eyes  closed,  his  head 
dropped  upon  a  mossy  bank,  and  he  fell  fast  asleep. 

Then  he  dreamed  that  a  merry  band  of  children  came  into 
the  field,  laughing  and  shouting.  They  sat  down  upon  the 
ground  in  a  ring,  and  one  who  seemed  the  eldest,  a  boy  of 
fourteen  or  fifteen,  came  close  to  the  bank  on  which  he  lay 
asleep,  and,  raising  a  big  stone  near  his  head,  drew  from  un- 
der it  a  small  wooden  Mallet. 

Then  in  his  dream  Kane  saw  this  big  boy  stand  in  the  mid- 
dle of  the  ring  with  the  Mallet  in  his  hand,  and  ask  the  chil- 
dren each  in  turn,  "  What  would  you  like  the  Mallet  to  bring 
you?"  The  first  child  answered,  "A  kite."  The  big  boy 
shook  the  Mallet,  upon  which  appeared  immediately  a  fine 
kite  with  tail  and  string  all  complete.  The  next  cried,  "  A 
battledore."  Out  sprang  a  splendid  battledore  and  a  shower 
of  shuttlecocks.  Then  a  little  girl  shyly  whispered,  "  A  doll." 
The  Mallet  was  shaken,  and  there  stood  a  beautifully  dressed 
doll.  "  I  should  like  all  the  fairy-tale  books  that  have  ever 
been  written  in  the  whole  world,"  said  a  bright-eyed  intelligent 
maiden,  and  no  sooner  had  she  spoken  than  piles  upon  piles 
of  beautiful  books  appeared.  And  so  at  last  the  wishes  of  all 
the  children  were  granted,  and  they  stayed  a  long  time  in 

[422] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

the  field  with  the  things  the  Mallet  had  given  them.  At  last 
they  got  tired,  and  prepared  to  go  home;  the  big  boy  first 
carefully  hiding  the  Mallet  under  the  stone  from  whence  he 
had  taken  it.  Then  all  the  children  went  away. 

Presently  Kane  awoke,  and  gradually  remembered  his 
dream.  In  preparing  to  rise  he  turned  round,  and  there,  close 
to  where  his  head  had  lain,  was  the  big  stone  he  had  seen  in 
his  dream.  "  How  strange !  "  he  thought,  expecting  he  hardly 
knew  what ;  he  raised  the  stone,  and  there  lay  the  Mallet ! 

He  took  it  home  with  him,  and,  following  the  example  of 
the  children  he  had  seen  in  his  dream,  shook  it,  at  the  same 
time  calling  out,  "Gold"  or  "Rice,"  "Silk"  or  "Sake." 
Whatever  he  called  for  immediately  flew  out  of  the  Mallet, 
so  that  he  could  have  everything  he  wanted,  and  as  much  of 
it  as  he  liked. 

Kane  being  now  a  rich  and  prosperous  man,  Cho  was  of 
course  jealous  of  him,  and  determined  to  find  a  magic  mallet 
which  would  do  as  much  for  him.  He  came,  therefore,  to 
Kane  and  borrowed  seed-rice,  which  he  planted  and  tended 
with  care,  being  impatient  for  it  to  grow  and  ripen  soon. 

It  grew  well  and  ripened  soon,  and  now  Cho  watched  daily 
for  the  swallows  to  appear.  And,  to  be  sure,  one  day  a  flight 
of  swallows  came  and  began  to  eat  up  the  rice. 

Cho  was  delighted  at  this,  and  drove  them  away,  pursuing 
them  to  the  distant  field  where  Kane  had  followed  them  be- 
fore. There  he  lay  down,  intending  to  go  to  sleep  as  his 
brother  had  done,  but  the  more  he  tried  to  go  to  sleep  the 
wider  awake  he  seemed. 

Presently  the  band  of  children  came  skipping  and  jumping, 
so  he  shut  his  eyes  and  pretended  to  be  asleep,  but  all  the 
time  watched  anxiously  what  the  children  would  do.  They 
sat  down  in  a  ring,  as  before,  and  the  big  boy  came  close  to 
Cho's  head  and  lifted  the  stone.  He  put  down  his  hand  to 
lift  the  Mallet,  but  no  mallet  was  there. 

One  of  the  children  said,  "  Perhaps  that  lazy  old  farmer 
has  taken  our  Mallet."  So  the  big  boy  laid  hold  of  Cho's 
nose,  which  was  rather  long,  and  gave  it  a  good  pinch,  and 

[423] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

all  the  other  children  ran  up  and  pinched  and  pulled  his  nose, 
and  the  nose  itself  got  longer  and  longer;  first  it  hung  down 
to  his  chin,  then  over  his  chest,  next  down  to  his  knees,  and 
at  last  to  his  very  feet. 

It  was  in  vain  that  Cho  protested  his  innocence;  the  chil- 
dren pinched  and  pummeled  him  to  their  hearts'  content,  then 
capered  round  him,  shouting  and  laughing,  and  making  game 
of  him,  and  so  at  last  went  away. 

Now  Cho  was  left  alone,  a  sad  and  angry  man.  Holding 
his  long  nose  painfully  in  both  hands,  he  slowly  took  his  way 
toward  his  brother  Kane's  house.  Here  he  related  all  that 
had  happened  to  him  from  the  very  day  when  he  had  behaved 
so  badly  about  the  seed-rice  and  silkworms'  eggs.  He  humbly 
begged  his  brother  to  pardon  him,  and,  if  possible,  do  some- 
thing to  restore  his  unfortunate  nose  to  its  proper  size. 

The  kind-hearted  Kane  pitied  him,  and  said :  "  You  have 
been  dishonest  and  mean,  and  selfish  and  envious,  and  that 
is  why  you  have  got  this  punishment.  If  you  promise  to  be- 
have better  for  the  future,  I  will  try  what  can  be  done." 

So  saying,  he  took  the  Mallet  and  rubbed  Cho's  nose  with 
it  gently,  and  the  nose  gradually  became  shorter  and  shorter 
until  at  last  it  came  back  to  its  proper  shape  and  size.  But 
ever  after,  if  at  any  time  Cho  felt  inclined  to  be  selfish  and 
dishonest,  as  he  did  now  and  then,  his  nose  began  to  smart 
and  burn,  and  he  fancied  he  felt  it  beginning  to  grow.  So 
great  was  his  terror  of  having  a  long  nose  again  that  these 
symptoms  never  failed  to  bring  him  back  to  his  good  behavior. 


[424] 


The    Tongue-Cut  Sparrow 

upon  a  time  a  cross  old  woman  laid  some  starch 
in  a  basin,  intending  to  put  it  in  the  clothes  in  her 
wash-tub;  but  a  Sparrow  that  a  woman,  her  neighbor, 
kept  as  a  pet,  ate  it  up.  Seeing  this,  the  cross  old  woman 
seized  the  Sparrow  and,  saying  "  You  hateful  thing ! "  cut  its 
tongue  and  let  it  go. 

When  the  neighbor  woman  heard  that  her  pet  Sparrow  had 
got  its  tongue  cut  for  its  offense,  she  was  greatly  grieved,  and 
set  out  with  her  husband  over  mountains  and  plains  to  find 
where  it  had  gone,  crying :  "  Where  does  the  tongue-cut  Spar- 
row stay  ?  Where  does  the  tongue-cut  Sparrow  stay  ?  " 

At  last  they  found  its  home.  When  the  Sparrow  saw  that 
its  old  master  and  mistress  had  come  to  see  it,  it  rejoiced, 
and  brought  them  into  its  house  and  thanked  them  for  their 
kindness  in  old  times.  It  spread  a  table  for  them,  and  loaded 
it  with  sake  and  fish  till  there  was  no  more  room,  and  made 
its  wife  and  children  and  grandchildren  all  serve  the  table. 

At  last,  throwing  away  its  drinking-cup,  it  danced  a  jig 
called  the  Sparrow's  dance,  and  thus  they  spent  the  day. 
When  it  began  to  grow  dark,  and  there  was  talk  of  going 
home,  the  Sparrow  brought  out  two  wicker  baskets  and  said : 
"  Will  you  take  the  heavy  one,  or  shall  I  give  you  the  light 
one  ?  "  The  old  people  replied :  "  We  are  old,  so  give  us  the 
light  one;  it  will  be  easier  to  carry  it."  The  Sparrow  then 
gave  them  the  light  basket,  and  they  returned  with  it  to  their 
home.  "  Let  us  open  and  see  what  is  in  it,"  they  said.  And 
when  they  had  opened  it  and  looked,  they  found  gold  and 
silver  and  jewels  and  rolls  of  silk.  They  never  expected  any- 
thing like  this.  The  more  they  took  out,  the  more  they  found 
inside.  The  supply  was  inexhaustible,  so  that  the  house  at  once 

[425] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

became  rich  and  prosperous.  When  the  cross  old  woman  who 
had  cut  the  Sparrow's  tongue  saw  this,  she  was  filled  with 
envy,  and  went  and  asked  her  neighbor  where  the  Sparrow 
lived,  and  all  about  the  way.  "  I  will  go,  too,"  she  said,  and 
at  once  set  out  on  her  search. 

Again  the  Sparrow  brought  out  two  wicker  baskets,  and 
asked  as  before :  "  Will  you  take  the  heavy  one,  or  shall  I  give 
you  the  light  one  ?  " 

Thinking  the  treasure  would  be  great  in  proportion  to  the 
weight  of  the  basket,  the  old  woman  replied,  "  Let  me  have 
the  heavy  one." 

Receiving  this,  she  started  home  with  it  on  her  back,  the 
sparrows  laughing  at  her  as  she  went.  It  was  as  heavy  as  a 
stone,  and  hard  to  carry,  but  at  last  she  got  back  with  it  to 
her  house. 

Then,  when  she  took  off  the  lid  and  looked  in,  a  whole  troop 
of  frightful  creatures  came  bouncing  out  from  the  inside,  and 
at  once  they  caught  her  up  and  flew  away  with  her. 


[426] 


Battle  of  the   Monkey  and  the   Crab 

jj  MONKEY  and  a  Crab  once  met  when  going  round  a 
>4f  mountain. 

*JL  JL  The  Monkey  had  picked  up  a  persimmon-seed,  and 
the  Crab  had  a  piece  of  toasted  rice-cake.  The  Monkey,  see- 
ing this,  and  wishing  to  get  something  that  could  be  turned 
to  good  account  at  once,  said,  "  Pray,  exchange  that  rice- 
cake  for  this  persimmon-seed."  The  Crab,  without  a  word, 
gave  up  his  cake,  and  took  the  persimmon-seed  and  planted  it. 
At  once  it  sprung  up,  and  soon  became  a  tree  so  high  one  had 
to  look  far  up  to  see  it.  The  tree  was  full  of  persimmons, 
but  the  Crab  had  no  means  of  climbing  it,  so  he  asked  the 
Monkey  to  scramble  up  and  get  the  fruit  for  him.  The 
Monkey  got  up  on  a  limb  of  the  tree  and  began  to  eat  the 
persimmons.  The  unripe  ones  he  threw  at  the  Crab,  but 
all  the  ripe  and  good  ones  he  put  in  his  pouch.  The  Crab 
under  the  tree  thus  got  his  shell  badly  bruised,  and  only  by 
good  luck  escaped  into  his  hole,  where  he  lay  distressed  with 
pain,  and  not  able  to  get  up.  Now,  when  the  relatives  and 
household  of  the  Crab  heard  how  matters  stood,  they  were 
surprised  and  angry,  and  declared  war,  and  attacked  the 
Monkey,  who,  leading  forth  a  numerous  following,  bade  defi- 
ance to  the  other  party.  The  crabs,  finding  themselves  unable 
to  meet  and  cope  with  this  force,  became  still  more  exasper- 
ated and  enraged,  and  retreated  into  their  hole  and  held  a 
council  of  war.  Then  came  a  rice-mortar,  a  pestle,  a  bee, 
and  an  egg,  and  together  they  devised  a  deep-laid  plot  to  be 
avenged. 

First,  they  requested  that  peace  be  made  with  the  crabs; 
and  thus  they  induced  the  king  of  the  monkeys  to  enter  their 
hole  unattended,  and  seated  him  on  the  hearth.  The  Monkey, 

[4271 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

not  suspecting  any  plot,  took  the  hibashi,  or  poker,  to  stir  up 
the  slumbering  fire,  when  bang!  went  the  egg,  which  was 
lying  hidden  in  the  ashes,  and  burned  the  Monkey's  arm. 
Surprised  and  alarmed,  he  plunged  his  arm  into  the  pickle- 
tub  in  the  kitchen  to  relieve  the  pain  of  the  burn.  Then  the 
bee  which  was  hidden  near  the  tub  stung  him  sharply  in  his 
face,  already  wet  with  tears.  Without  waiting  to  brush  off 
the  bee,  and  howling  bitterly,  he  rushed  for  the  back  door; 
but  just  then  some  seaweed  entangled  his  legs  and  made  him 
slip.  Then  down  came  the  pestle,  tumbling  on  him  from  a 
shelf,  and  the  mortar,  too,  came  rolling  down  on  him  from 
the  roof  of  the  porch  and  broke  his  back,  and  so  weakened 
him  that  he  was  unable  to  rise  up.  Then  out  came  the  crabs 
in  a  crowd,  and  brandishing  on  high  their  pinchers  they 
pinched  the  Monkey  so  sorely  that  he  begged  them  for  for- 
giveness and  promised  never  to  repeat  his  meanness  and 
treachery. 


[428] 


The   CuVs   Triumph 


upon  a  time  there  lived  in  a  forest  a  badger  and  a 
mother  fox  with  one  little  Cub. 

There  were  no  other  beasts  in  the  wood,  because  the 
hunters  had  killed  them  all  with  bows  and  arrows,  or  by  set- 
ting snares.  The  deer,  and  the  wild  boar,  the  hares,  the 
weasels,  and  the  stoats — even  the  bright  little  squirrels — had 
been  shot,  or  had  fallen  into  traps.  At  last,  only  the  badger 
and  the  fox,  with  her  young  one,  were  left,  and  they  were 
starving,  for  they  dared  not  venture  from  their  holes  for  fear 
of  the  traps. 

They  did  not  know  what  to  do,  or  where  to  turn  for  food. 
At  last  the  badger  said: 

"  I  have  thought  of  a  plan.  I  will  pretend  to  be  dead.  You 
must  change  yourself  into  a  man,  and  take  me  into  the  town 
and  sell  me.  With  the  money  you  get  for  me,  you  must  buy 
food  and  bring  it  into  the  forest.  When  I  get  a  chance  I  will 
run  away,  and  come  back  to  you,  and  we  will  eat  our  dinner 
together.  Mind  you  wait  for  me,  and  don't  eat  any  of  it  until 
I  come.  Next  week  it  will  be  your  turn  to  be  dead,  and  my 
turn  to  sell — do  you  see  ?  " 

The  fox  thought  this  plan  would  do  very  well;  so,  as  soon 
as  the  badger  had  lain  down  and  pretended  to  be  dead,  she 
said  to  her  little  Cub: 

"  Be  sure  not  to  come  out  of  the  hole  until  I  come  back. 
Be  very  good  and  quiet,  and  I  will  soon  bring  you  some  nice 
dinner." 

She   then  changed   herself   into   a   wood-cutter,    took   the 

badger  by  the  heels  and  swung  him  over  her  shoulders,  and 

trudged  off  into  the  town.     There  she  sold  the  badger  for  a 

fair  price,  and  with  the  money  bought  some  fish,  some  tofu,1 

1  Curd  made  from  white  beans. 

[429] 


T:ALES  OF  LAUGHTER 

and  some  vegetables.  She  then  ran  back  to  the  forest  as  fast 
as  she  could,  changed  herself  into  a  fox  again,  and  crept  into 
her  hole  to  see  if  little  Cub  was  all  right.  Little  Cub  was 
there,  safe  enough,  but  very  hungry,  and  wanted  to  begin 
upon  the  tofu  at  once. 

"  No,  no,"  said  the  mother  fox.  "  Fair  play's  a  jewel.  We 
must  wait  for  the  badger." 

Soon  the  badger  arrived,  quite  out  of  breath  with  running 
so  fast. 

"  I  hope  you  haven't  been  eating  any  of  the  dinner,"  he 
panted.  "  I  could  not  get  away  sooner.  The  man  you  sold 
me  to,  brought  his  wife  to  look  at  me,  and  boasted  how  cheap 
he  had  bought  me.  You  should  have  asked  twice  as  much. 
At  last  they  left  me  alone,  and  then  I  jumped  up  and  ran 
away  as  fast  as  I  could." 

The  badger,  the  fox,  and  the  Cub  now  sat  down  to  dinner, 
and  had  a  fine  feast,  the  badger  taking  care  to  get  the  best 
bits  for  himself. 

Some  days  after,  when  all  the  food  was  finished,  and  they 
had  begun  to  get  hungry  again,  the  badger  said  to  the  fox : 

"  Now  it's  your  turn  to  die."  So  the  fox  pretended  to  be 
dead,  and  the  badger  changed  himself  into  a  hunter,  shoul- 
dered the  fox,  and  went  off  to  the  town,  where  he  made  a 
good  bargain,  and  sold  her  for  a  nice  little  sum  of  money. 

You  have  seen  already  that  the  badger  was  greedy  and 
selfish.  What  do  you  think  he  did  now  ?  He  wished  to  have 
all  the  money,  and  all  the  food  it  would  buy  for  himself,  so 
he  whispered  to  the  man  who  had  bought  the  fox : 

"  That  fox  is  only  pretending  to  be  dead ;  take  care  he 
doesn't  run  away." 

"  We'll  soon  settle  that,"  said  the  man,  and  he  knocked  the 
fox  on  the  head  with  a  big  stick,  and  killed  her. 

The  badger  next  laid  out  the  money  in  buying  all  the  nice 
things  he  could  think  of.  He  carried  them  off  to  the  forest, 
and  there  ate  them  all  up  himself,  without  giving  one  bit  to 
the  poor  little  Cub,  who  was  all  alone,  crying  for  its  mother, 
very  sad,  and  very  hungry. 

[430] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

Poor  little  motherless  Cub!  But,  being  a  clever  little  fox, 
he  soon  began  to  put  two  and  two  together,  and  at  last  felt 
quite  sure  that  the  badger  had,  in  some  way,  caused  the  loss 
of  his  mother. 

He  made  up  his  mind  that  he  would  punish  the  badger ;  and, 
as  he  was  not  big  enough  or  strong  enough  to  do  it  by  force, 
he  was  obliged  to  try  another  plan. 

He  did  not  let  the  badger  see  how  angry  he  was  with  him, 
but  said  in  a  friendly  way: 

"  Let  us  have  a  game  of  changing  ourselves  into  men.  If 
you  can  change  yourself  so  cleverly  that  I  cannot  find  you 
out,  you  will  have  won  the  game;  but,  if  I  change  myself  so 
that  you  cannot  find  me  out,  then  I  shall  have  won  the  game. 
I  will  begin,  if  you  like ;  and,  you  may  be  sure,  I  shall  turn 
myself  into  somebody  very  grand  while  I  am  about  it." 

The  badger  agreed.  So  then,  instead  of  changing  himself 
at  all,  the  cunning  little  Cub  just  went  and  hid  himself  behind 
a  tree,  and  watched  to  see  what  would  happen.  Presently 
there  came  along  the  bridge  leading  into  the  town  a  nobleman, 
seated  in  a  sedan-chair,  a  great  crowd  of  servants  and  men  at 
arms  following  him. 

The  badger  was  quite  sure  that  this  must  be  the  fox,  so  he 
ran  up  to  the  sedan-chair,  put  in  his  head,  and  cried : 

"  I've  found  you  out !    I've  won  the  game !  " 

"A  badger!  A  badger!  Off  with  his  head,"  cried  the 
nobleman. 

So  one  of  the  retainers  cut  off  the  badger's  head  with  one 
blow  of  his  sharp  sword,  the  little  Cub  all  the  time  laughing 
unseen  behind  the  tree. 


[431] 


The  Silly  Jelly-Fish 


X^VNCE  upon  a  time  the  king  of  the  dragons,  who  had  till 
f  J  then  lived  as  a  bachelor,  took  it  into  his  head  to  get 
^-^  married.  His  bride  was  a  young  dragonette  just  six- 
teen years  old — lovely  enough,  in  very  sooth,  to  become  the 
wife  of  a  king.  Great  were  the  rejoicings  on  the  occasion. 
The  fishes,  both  great  and  small,  came  to  pay  their  respects, 
and  to  offer  gifts  to  the  newly  wedded  pair;  and  for  some 
days  all  was  feasting  and  merriment. 

But,  alas!  even  dragons  have  their  trials.  Before  a  month 
had  passed,  the  young  dragon  queen  fell  ill.  The  doctors 
dosed  her  with  every  medicine  that  was  known  to  them,  but 
all  to  no  purpose.  At  last  they  shook  their  heads,  declaring 
that  there  was  nothing  more  to  be  done.  The  illness  must 
take  its  course,  and  she  would  probably  die.  But  the  sick 
queen  said  to  her  husband : 

"  I  know  of  something  that  will  cure  me.  Only  fetch  me 
a  live  monkey's  liver  to  eat,  and  I  shall  get  well  at  once." 

"  A  live  monkey's  liver !  "  exclaimed  the  king.  "  What  are 
you  thinking  of,  my  dear  ?  Why !  you  forget  that  we  dragons 
live  in  the  sea,  while  monkeys  live  far  away  from  here,  among 
the  forest  trees  on  land.  A  monkey's  liver!  Why!  darling, 
you  must  be  mad."  Hereupon  the  young  dragon  queen  burst 
into  tears.  "  I  only  ask  you  for  one  small  thing,"  whimpered 
she,  "  and  you  won't  get  it  for  me.  I  always  thought  you 
didn't  really  love  me.  Oh !  I  wish  I  had  stayed  at  home  with 
my  own  m-m-m-mama  and  my  own  papa-a-a-a !  "  Here  her 
voice  choked  with  sobs,  and  she  could  say  no  more. 

Well,  of  course  the  dragon  king  did  not  like  to  have  it 
thought  that  he  was  unkind  to  his  beautiful  young  wife.  So 
he  sent  for  his  trusty  servant,  the  Jelly-fish,  and  said :  "  It  is 

[432] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

rather  a  difficult  job,  but  what  I  want  you  to  try  to  do  is  to 
swim  across  to  the  land,  and  persuade  a  live  monkey  to  come 
here  with  you.  In  order  to  make  the  monkey  willing  to  come, 
you  can  tell  him  how  much  nicer  everything  is  here  in  dragon- 
land  than  away  where  he  lives.  But  what  I  really  want  him 
for  is  to  cut  out  his  liver,  and  use  it  as  medicine  for  your 
young  mistress,  who,  as  you  know,  is  dangerously  ill." 

So  the  Jelly-fish  went  off  on  his  strange  errand.  In  those 
days  he  was  just  like  any  other  fish,  with  eyes,  and  fins,  and 
a  tail.  He  even  had  little  feet,  which  made  him  able  to  walk 
on  the  land  as  well  as  to  swim  in  the  water.  It  did  not  take 
him  many  hours  to  swim  across  to  the  country  where  the 
monkeys  lived ;  and,  fortunately,  there  just  happened  to  be 
a  fine  monkey  skipping  about  among  the  branches  of  the 
trees  near  the  place  where  he  landed.  So  the  Jelly-fish  said: 
"  Mr.  Monkey,  I  have  come  to  tell  you  of  a  country  far 
more  beautiful  than  this.  It  lies  beyond  the  waves,  and  is 
called  dragon-land.  There  is  pleasant  weather  there  all  the 
year  round ;  there  is  always  plenty  of  ripe  fruit  on  the  trees, 
and  there  are  none  of  those  mischievous  creatures  called  men. 
If  you  will  come  with  me,  I  will  take  you  there.  Just  get  on 
my  back." 

The  monkey  thought  it  would  be  fun  to  see  a  new  country. 
So  he  leaped  on  to  the  Jelly-fish's  back,  and  off  they  started 
across  the  water.  But  when  they  had  gone  about  half-way, 
he  began  to  fear  that  perhaps  there  might  be  some  hidden 
danger,  for  it  seemed  so  odd  to  be  fetched  suddenly  in  that  way 
by  a  stranger.  So  he  said  to  the  Jelly-fish :  "  What  made  you 
think  of  coming  for  me  ?  "  The  Jelly-fish  answered :  "  My 
master,  the  king  of  the  dragons,  wants  you  in  order  to  cut 
out  your  liver,  and  give  it  as  medicine  to  his  wife,  the  queen, 
who  is  sick." 

"Oh!  that's  your  little  game,  is  it?"  thought  the  monkey. 
But  he  kept  his  thoughts  to  himself,  and  only  said :  "  Nothing 
could  please  me  better  than  to  be  of  service  to  their  Majesties, 
but  it  so  happens  that  I  left  my  liver  hanging  to  a  branch  of 
that  big  chestnut-tree  where  you  found  me  skipping  about. 

[433] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

A  liver  is  a  thing  that  weighs  a  good  deal,  so  I  generally  take 
it  out,  and  play  about  without  it  during  the  daytime.  We 
must  go  back  for  it."  The  Jelly-fish  agreed  that  there  was 
nothing  else  to  be  done  under  the  circumstances;  for,  silly 
creature  that  he  was,  he  did  not  see  that  the  monkey  was  tell- 
ing a  story  in  order  to  avoid  getting  killed,  and  having  his 
liver  used  as  medicine  for  the  fanciful  young  dragon  queen. 

When  they  reached  the  shore  of  monkey-land  again,  the 
monkey  bounded  off  the  Jelly-fish's  back,  and  up  to  the  top- 
most branch  of  the  chestnut-tree  in  less  than  no  time.  Then 
he  said :  "  I  do  not  see  my  liver  here.  Perhaps  somebody  has 
taken  it  away.  But  I  will  look  for  it.  You,  meantime,  had 
better  go  back  and  tell  your  master  what  has  happened.  He 
might  be  anxious  about  you  if  you  did  not  get  home  before 
dark." 

So  the  Jelly-fish  started  off  a  second  time,  and  when  he  got 
home  he  told  the  dragon  king  everything  just  as  it  had  hap- 
pened. But  the  king  flew  into  a  passion  with  him  for  his  stu- 
pidity, and  hallooed  to  his  officers,  saying :  "  Away  with  this 
fellow !  Take  him,  and  beat  him  to  a  jelly !  Don't  let  a  single 
bone  remain  unbroken  in  his  body !  "  So  the  officers  seized 
him  and  beat  him,  as  the  king  had  commanded.  That  is  the 
reason  why,  to  this  very  day,  jelly-fishes  have  no  bones,  but 
are  just  nothing  more  than  a  mass  of  pulp. 

As  for  the  dragon  queen,  when  she  found  she  could  not 
have  the  monkey's  liver,  why,  she  made  up  her  mind  that  the 
/  only  thing  to  do  was  to  get  well  without  it. 


[434] 


Chin-Chin  Kobakama 

X^VNCE  there  was  a  little  girl  who  was  very  pretty,  but 
f  M  also  very  lazy.  Her  parents  were  rich,  and  had  a  great 
^-^  many  servants ;  and  these  servants  were  very  fond  of 
the  little  girl,  and  did  everything  for  her  which  she  ought  to 
have  been  able  to  do  for  herself.  Perhaps  this  was  what  made 
her  so  lazy.  When  she  grew  up  into  a  beautiful  woman  she 
still  remained  lazy;  but  as  the  servants  always  dressed  and 
undressed  her,  and  arranged  her  hair,  she  looked  very  charm- 
ing, and  nobody  thought  about  her  faults. 

At  last  she  was  married  to  a  brave  warrior,  and  went  away 
with  him  to  live  in  another  house  where  there  were  but  few 
servants.  She  was  sorry  not  to  have  as  many  servants  as  she 
had  had  at  home,  because  she  was  obliged  to  do  several  things 
for  herself  which  other  folks  had  always  done  for  her,  and  it 
was  a  great  deal  of  trouble  to  her  to  dress  herself,  and  take 
care  of  her  own  clothes,  and  keep  herself  looking  neat  and 
pretty  to  please  her  husband.  But  as  he  was  a  warrior,  and 
often  had  to  be  far  away  from  home  with  the  army,  she  could 
sometimes  be  just  as  lazy  as  she  wished,  and  her  husband's 
parents  were  very  old  and  good-natured,  and  never  scolded 
her. 

Well,  one  night  while  her  husband  was  away  with  the  army, 
she  was  awakened  by  queer  little  noises  in  her  room.  By  the 
light  of  a  big  paper  lantern  she  could  see  very  well,  and  she 
saw  strange  things. 

Hundreds  of  little  men,  dressed  just  like  Japanese  warriors, 
but  only  about  one  inch  high,  were  dancing  all  around  her 
pillow.  They  wore  the  same  kind  of  dress  her  husband  wore 
on  holidays  (Kamishimo,  a  long  robe  with  square  shoulders), 
and  their  hair  was  tied  up  in  knots,  and  each  wore  two  tiny 

[435] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

swords.  They  all  looked  at  her  as  they  danced,  and  laughed, 
and  they  all  sang  the  same  song  over  and  over  again : 

Chin-chin  Kobakama, 

Yomo  fukd  soro — 
Oshizumare,  Hime-gimi! — 

Ya  ton  ton! — 

Which  meant :  "  We  are  the  Chin-chin  Kobakama ;  the  hour 
is  late ;  sleep,  honorable,  noble  darling !  " 

The  words  seemed  very  polite,  but  she  soon  saw  that  the 
little  men  were  only  making  cruel  fun  of  her.  They  also 
made  ugly  faces  at  her. 

She  tried  to  catch  some  of  them,  but  they  jumped  about  so 
quickly  that  she  could  not.  Then  she  tried  to  drive  them 
away,  but  they  would  not  go,  and  they  never  stopped  singing : 

Chin-chin  Kobakama  .  .  . 

and  laughing  at  her.  Then  she  knew  they  were  little  fairies, 
and  became  so  frightened  that  she  could  not  even  cry  out. 
They  danced  around  her  until  morning ;  then  they  all  vanished 
suddenly. 

She  was  ashamed  to  tell  anybody  what  had  happened,  be- 
cause, as  she  was  the  wife  of  a  warrior,  she  did  not  wish  any- 
body to  know  how  frightened  she  had  been. 

Next  night,  again,  the  little  men  came  and  danced ;  and 
they  came  also  the  night  after  that,  and  every  night,  always 
at  the  same  hour,  which  the  old  Japanese  used  to  call  the 
"  hour  of  the  ox  " ;  that  is,  about  two  o'clock  in  the  morning 
by  our  time.  At  last  she  became  very  sick,  through  want  of 
sleep  and  through  fright.  But  the  little  men  would  not  leave 
her  alone. 

When  her  husband  came  back  home  he  was  very  sorry  to 
find  her  sick  in  bed.  At  first  she  was  afraid  to  tell  him  what 
had  made  her  ill,  for  fear  that  he  would  laugh  at  her.  But 
he  was  so  kind,  and  coaxed  her  so  gently,  that  after  a  while 
she  told  him  what  happened  every  night. 

[436] 


.     TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

He  did  not  laugh  at  her  at  all,  but  looked  very  serious  for 
a  time.  Then  he  asked: 

"  At  what  time  do  they  come  ?  " 

She  answered,  "  Always  at  the  same  hour — the  '  hour  of 
the  ox/ ' 

"  Very  well,"  said  her  husband ;  "  to-night  I  shall  hide,  and 
watch  for  them.  Do  not  be  frightened." 

So  that  night  the  warrior  hid  himself  in  a  closet  in  the 
sleeping-room,  and  kept  watch  through  a  chink  between  the 
sliding  doors. 

He  waited  and  watched  until  the  "  hour  of  the  ox."  Then, 
all  at  once,  the  little  men  came  up  through  the  mats,  and  be- 
gan their  dance  and  their  song : 

Chin-chin  Kobakama, 
Yomo  fuk£  Soro.  .  .  . 

They  looked  so  queer,  and  danced  in  such  a  funny  way, 
that  the  warrior  could  scarcely  keep  from  laughing.  But  he 
saw  his  young  wife's  frightened  face;  and  then,  remembering 
that  nearly  all  Japanese  ghosts  and  goblins  are  afraid  of  a 
sword,  he  drew  his  blade  and  rushed  out  of  the  closet,  and 
struck  at  the  little  dancers.  Immediately  they  all  turned  into 
— what  do  you  think? 

Toothpicks! 

There  were  no  more  little  warriors — only  a  lot  of  old  tooth- 
picks scattered  over  the  mats. 

The  young  wife  had  been  too  lazy  to  put  her  toothpicks 
away  properly ;  and  every  day,  after  having  used  a  new  tooth- 
pick, she  would  stick  it  down  between  the  mats  on  the  floor, 
to  get  rid  of  it.  So  the  little  fairies  who  take  care  of  the  floor- 
mats  became  angry  with  her,  and  tormented  her. 

Her  husband  scolded  her,  and  she  was  so  ashamed  that  she 
did  not  know  what  to  do.  A  servant  was  called,  and  the  tooth- 
picks were  taken  away  and  burned,  and  after  that  the  little 
men  never  came  back  again. 

[437] 


The   Old   Woman   who   Lost  her 
Dumplings 

f  ONG,   long  ago  there  was  a  funny  old  woman   who 

i       liked  to  laugh  and  to  make  dumplings  of  rice-flour. 

*    ^       One  day,  while  she  was  preparing  some  dumplings 

for  dinner,  she  let  one  fall,  and  it  rolled  into  a  hole  in  the 

earthen  floor  of  her  little  kitchen  and  disappeared.     The  old 

woman  tried  to  reach  it  by  putting  her  hand  down  the  hole, 

and  all  at  once  the  earth  gave  way,  and  the  old  woman  fell  in. 

She  fell  quite  a  distance,  but  was  not  a  bit  hurt ;  and  when 
she  got  up  on  her  feet  again,  she  saw  that  she  was  standing 
on  a  road  just  like  the  road  before  her  house.  It  was  quite 
light  down  there;  and  she  could  see  plenty  of  rice-fields,  but 
no  one  in  them.  How  all  this  happened  I  cannot  tell  you,  but 
it  seems  that  the  old  woman  had  fallen  into  another  country. 

The  road  she  had  fallen  upon  sloped  very  much;  so,  after 
having  looked  for  her  dumpling  in  vain,  she  thought  that  it 
must  have  rolled  farther  away  down  the  hill.  She  ran  down 
the  road  to  look,  crying :  "  My  dumpling !  my  dumpling ! 
Where  is  that  dumpling  of  mine  ?  " 

After  a  little  while  she  saw  a  stone  image  standing  by  the 
roadside,  and  she  said,  calling  it  by  its  name : 

"O  Jizo  San,  did  you  see  my  dumpling?" 

Jizo  answered: 

"  Yes,  I  saw  your  dumpling  rolling  by  me  down  the  road. 
But  you  had  better  not  go  any  farther,  because  there  is  a 
wicked  oni  living  down  there  who  eats  people." 

But  the  old  woman  only  laughed,  and  ran  on  farther  down 
the  road,  crying :  "  My  dumpling !  my  dumpling !  Where  is  that 
dumpling  of  mine  ?  "  And  she  came  to  another  statue  of  Jizo, 
and  asked  it: 

[438] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

"  O  kind  Jizo,  did  you  see  my  dumpling  ?" 

And  Jizo  said: 

"  Yes,  I  saw  your  dumpling  go  by  a  little  while  ago.  But 
you  must  not  run  any  farther,  because  there  is  a  wicked  oni 
down  there  who  eats  people." 

But  she  only  laughed  and  ran  on,  still  crying  out :  "  My 
dumpling !  my  dumpling !  Where  is  that  dumpling  of  mine  ?  " 
And  she  came  to  a  third  Jizo,  and  asked  it : 

"  O  dear  Jizo,  did  you  see  my  dumpling?  " 

But  Jizo  said: 

"  Don't  talk  about  your  dumpling  now.  Here  is  the  oni 
coming.  Squat  down  here  behind  my  sleeve,  and  don't  make 
any  noise." 

Presently  the  oni  came  very  close,  and  stopped  and  bowed 
to  Jizo,  and  said : 

"  Good  day,  Jizo  San !  " 

Jizo  said  good  day,  too,  very  politely. 

Then  the  oni  suddenly  snuffed  the  air  two  or  three  times 
in  a  suspicious  way,  and  cried  out :  "  Jizo  San,  Jizo  San !  I 
smell  a  smell  of  mankind  somewhere — don't  you  ?  " 

"  Oh !  "  said  Jizo,  "  perhaps  you  are  mistaken." 

"  No,  no !  "  said  the  oni  after  snuffing  the  air  again ;  "  I 
smell  a  smell  of  mankind." 

Then  the  old  woman  could  not  help  laughing — "  Te-he-he  \  " 
— and  the  oni  immediately  reached  down  his  big  hairy  hand 
behind  Jizo's  sleeve,  and  pulled  her  out — still  laughing,  "  Te- 
he-he !" 

"Ah!  ha!"  cried  the  oni. 

Then  Jizo  said: 

"  What  are  you  going  to  do  with  that  good  old  woman  ? 
You  must  not  hurt  her." 

"  I  won't,"  said  the  oni',  "  but  I  will  take  her  home  with  me 
to  cook  for  us." 

"  Te-he-he  \  "  laughed  the  old  woman. 

"  Very  well,"  said  Jizo,  "  but  you  must  really  be  kind  to  her. 
If  you  are  not,  I  shall  be  very  angry." 

"  I  won't  hurt  her  at  all,"  promised  the  oni ;  "  and  she  will 

[439] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

only  have  to  do  a  little  work  for  us  every  day.  Good-by, 
Jizo  San." 

Then  the  oni  took  the  old  woman  far  down  the  road  till 
they  came  to  a  wide  deep  river,  where  there  was  a  boat.  He 
put  her  into  the  boat,  and  took  her  across  the  river  to  his 
house.  It  was  a  very  large  house.  He  led  her  at  once  into 
the  kitchen,  and  told  her  to  cook  some  dinner  for  himself  and 
the  other  oni  who  lived  with  him.  And  he  gave  her  a  small 
wooden  rice-paddle,  and  said: 

"  You  must  always  put  only  one  grain  of  rice  into  the  pot, 
and,  when  you  stir  that  one  grain  of  rice  in  the  water  with 
this  paddle,  the  grain  will  multiply  until  the  pot  is  full." 

So  the  old  woman  put  just  one  rice-grain  into  the  pot,  as 
the  oni  told  her,  and  began  to  stir  it  with  the  paddle;  and, 
as  she  stirred,  the  one  grain  became  two,  then  four,  then 
eight,  then  sixteen,  thirty-two,  sixty-four,  and  so  on.  Every 
time  she  moved  the  paddle  the  rice  increased  in  quantity,  and 
in  a  few  minutes  the  great  pot  was  full. 

After  that,  the  funny  old  woman  stayed  a  long  time  in  the 
house  of  the  oni,  and  every  day  cooked  food  for  him  and  for 
all  his  friends.  The  oni  never  hurt  or  frightened  her,  and  her 
work  was  made  quite  easy  by  the  magic  paddle,  although  she 
had  to  cook  a  very,  very  great  quantity  of  rice,  because  an  oni 
eats  much  more  than  any  human  being  eats. 

But  she  felt  lonely,  and  always  wished  very  much  to  go 
back  to  her  own  little  house,  and  make  her  dumplings;  and 
one  day,  when  the  oni  were  all  out  somewhere,  she  thought 
she  would  try  to  run  away. 

She  first  took  the  magic  paddle  and  slipped  it  under  her 
girdle,  and  then  she  went  down  to  the  river.  No  one  saw 
her,  and  the  boat  was  there.  She  got  into  it  and  pushed  off, 
and,  as  she  could  row  very  well,  she  was  soon  far  away  from 
the  shore. 

But  the  river  was  very  wide,  and  she  had  not  rowed  more 
than  one-fourth  of  the  way  across  when  the  oni,  all  of  them, 
came  back  to  the  house. 

They  found  that  their  cook  was  gone,  and  the  magic  paddle, 

[440] 


TALES   OF   LAUGHTER 

too.  They  ran  down  to  the  river  at  once,  and  saw  the  old 
woman  rowing  away  very  fast. 

Perhaps  they  could  not  swim ;  at  all  events,  they  had  no 
boat,  and  they  thought  the  only  way  they  could  catch  the 
funny  old  woman  would  be  to  drink  up  all  the  water  of  the 
river  before  she  got  to  the  other  bank.  So  they  knelt  down, 
and  began  to  drink  so  fast  that,  before  the  old  woman  had 
got  half-way  over,  the  water  had  become  quite  low. 

But  the  old  woman  kept  on  rowing  until  the  water  had  got 
so  shallow  that  the  oni  stopped  drinking,  and  began  to  wade 
across.  Then  she  dropped  her  oar,  took  the  magic  paddle 
from  her  girdle,  and  shook  it  at  the  oni,  and  made  such  funny 
faces  that  the  oni  all  burst  out  laughing. 

But,  the  moment  they  laughed,  all  the  water  came  up  that 
they  had  drunk,  and  so  the  river  became  full  again.  The 
oni  could  not  cross,  and  the  funny  old  woman  got  safely  over 
to  the  other  side,  and  ran  away  up  the  road  as  fast  as  she 
could.  She  never  stopped  running  until  she  found  herself  at 
home  again. 

After  that  she  was  very  happy,  for  she  could  make  dump- 
lings whenever  she  pleased.  Besides,  she  had  the  magic  pad- 
dle to  make  rice  for  her.  She  sold  her  dumplings  to  her 
neighbors  and  passengers,  and  in  quite  a  short  time  she  be- 
came rich. 


[44i] 


The   Three   Goats 

NCE  upon  a  time  there  were  three  goats  that  were  sent 
to  some  pasture-lands  in  order  to  be  fattened,  and  all 
three  happened  to  be  named  Brausewind.  On  their 
road  to  the  pasture  there  was  a  bridge  across  a  river  which 
they  must  pass,  and  under  the  bridge  lived  a  gigantic  and 
horrible  spirit,  whose  eyes  were  as  large  as  two  pewter  plates, 
and  whose  nose  was  as  long  as  the  handle  of  a  hoe. 

The  youngest  goat  Brausewind  first  came  along,  and  stepped 
upon  the  bridge. 

"  Creak,  creak !  "  complained  the  bridge. 

"  Who  is  tripping  over  my  bridge  ?  "  cried  the  elf  under- 
neath. 

"  Oh !  it  is  only  the  smallest  of  the  goats  named  Brause- 
wind," said  the  goat  in  a  very  shrill  voice. 

"  Then  I  shall  come  and  fetch  you,"  cried  the  elf. 

"  Nay,  do  not  come  for  me,  for  I  am  still  so  little,"  said 
the  goat ;  "  wait  a  bit,  till  the  second  Brausewind  comes,  for 
he  is  much  larger  than  I  am." 

"  Very  well,"  quoth  the  elf. 

After  a  while  the  other  goat  Brausewind  came  along,  and 
he  began  to  go  over  the  bridge. 

"  Creak,  creak !  "  cried  the  bridge  again. 

"  Who  is  tramping  over  my  bridge  ?  "  cried  the  elf. 

"  Oh !  it  is  only  the  second  goat  Brausewind ;  I  am  going 
to  the  pasture-lands  to  get  a  little  fatter,"  answered  the  goat, 
but  in  a  less  soft  voice  than  the  first. 

'  Then  I  shall  come  and  fetch  you,"  said  the  elf. 

"  Nay,  do  not  take  me,  but  wait  a  bit  till  the  large  goat 
Brausewind  comes,  for  he  is  a  great  deal  bigger  than  I  am." 

"  Very  well,"  replied  the  elf. 

[442] 


TALES   OF  LAUGHTER 

It  was  not  long  before  the  big  goat  Brausewind  reached  the 
same  spot. 

"  CREAK,  CREAK  ! "  went  the  bridge,  as  if  it  were  going  to 
split. 

"  Who  comes  thundering  over  my  bridge  ?  "  cried  the  elf. 

"  The  big  goat  Brausewind,"  said  the  goat  in  a  gruff  voice. 

"  Then  I  shall  come  and  fetch  you,"  cried  the  elf. 

"Well,  come  if  you  like;  I've  two  spears  in  my  head, 
With  which  I  can  easily  strike  you  dead. 
Yes,  come  if  you  like;  and  with  thundering  stones 
I  shiver  to  powder  your  brains  and  your  bones," 

replied  the  goat ;  and,  butting  at  the  elf,  he  easily  broke  every 
bone  in  his  body,  after  which  he  threw  him  into  the  river,  and 
followed  the  other  goats  to  the  pastures. 

And  here  the  goats  grew  so  very,  very,  very  fat  that  they 
were  not  able  to  come  home  again;  and,  unless  they  have 
grown  thinner  since,  they  are  probably  there  still. 


[443] 


The  Fox   Turned  Shepherd 

rHERE  was  once  a  farmer's  wife  who  rode  out  to 
try  and  find  a  shepherd.  She  happened  to  meet  a 
bear  on  the  way,  and  the  bear  inquired  whither 
she  was  going. 

"  Oh,  I'm  going  to  hire  a  shepherd,"  answered  she. 

"  Will  you  take  me  for  a  shepherd  ?  "  asked  the  bear. 

"  Yes,"  said  the  woman,  "  provided  you  can  call  the  sheep 
properly." 

"  Ho — o — y !  "  growled  the  bear. 

"  No,"  said  the  woman  on  hearing  this,  "  I  can't  hire  you," 
and  on  she  went. 

Soon  after  she  met  a  wolf.  "  Where  are  you  going  ?  "  asked 
the  wolf. 

"  Oh,  I'm  going  to  hire  a  shepherd,"  answered  the  woman. 

"  Will  you  take  me  for  a  shepherd  ?  "  asked  the  wolf. 

"  Yes,  if  you  can  call  the  sheep  properly,"  replied  the 
woman. 

«  Uh— uh !  "  howled  the  wolf. 

"  No,  I  can't  hire  you,"  said  the  woman. 

A  little  farther  on  she  met  a  Fox.  "  Where  are  you  go- 
ing ?  "  asked  he. 

"  Oh,  I'm  only  going  to  hire  a  shepherd,"  answered  the 
woman. 

"  Will  you  take  me  for  a  shepherd  ?  "  asked  the  Fox. 

"Yes,  provided  you  can  but  call  the  sheep  properly,"  re- 
plied the  woman. 

"  Dil — dal — holom !  "  cried  the  Fox  in  a  pretty,  proper  tone. 

"  Yes,  I  will  hire  you,"  said  the  woman ;  and  she  took  him 
for  a  shepherd  to  watch  over  the  cattle. 

The  first  day,  on  driving  the  cattle  to  the  meadows,  the  Fox 

[444] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

ate  up  all  the  goats.  On  the  second  day  he  made  a  dainty 
meal  upon  the  sheep,  and  on  the  third  day  it  was  the  turn 
for  the  cows  to  be  eaten. 

On  returning  home  in  the  evening,  the  woman  asked  him 
where  he  had  left  the  cattle.  "  Their  heads  are  in  the  brook, 
and  their  bones  are  in  the  bushes,"  replied  the  Fox.  The 
farmer's  wife  was  just  then  at  the  butter-tub,  busy  making 
butter;  still,  she  wanted  to  go  and  see  for  herself  how  things 
stood.  While  she  went  to  look,  the  Fox  put  his  head  into  the 
butter-tub  and  drank  up  all  the  cream. 

When  the  woman  came  back  and  saw  what  he  had  done, 
she  was  so  exasperated  that  she  seized  a  clot  of  cream  that 
still  remained  in  the  tub  and  flung  it  at  the  Fox,  so  that  it 
made  a  spot  upon  his  tail.  And  this  is  the  reason  why  the 
Fox's  tail  has  a  white  tip. 


[445] 


The   Seven   Boys  and  the   Monster 

/T  was  Saturday  afternoon,  and  Caspar,  Michael,  Fritz, 
and  little  Bessy  were  playing  before  their  house,  when 
presently  little  Hans  came  running  toward  .them,  and 
breathlessly  cried: 

"  What  have  I  seen  ?  what  have  I  seen  ?  " 

"  What  have  you  seen,  then  ?  "  exclaimed  all  the  children 
with  one  voice,  collecting  around  him. 

"  A  monster !  a  frightful  monster !  "  answered  Hans,  wiping 
the  sweat  from  his  brow. 

"  You  are  afraid  of  your  own  shadow,  fearful  Hans,"  said 
Caspar  mockingly ;  "  perhaps  your  neighbor's  black  cat  has 
turned  her  fiery  eyes  on  you  again." 

"  I  am  not  afraid  of  my  shadow,"  answered  Hans  angrily ; 
"  had  you  only  been  there,  your  ridicule  would  soon  have  van- 
ished. A  cat  is  not  a  bit  like  a  grasshopper — a  fearful  great 
grasshopper,  on  which  one  could  ride ! " 

At  this  the  children  wondered  very  much ;  and  when  Hans 
related  that  he  had  seen  the  monster  in  the  shepherd's  hut  in 
the  field — that  it  had  horns,  and  such  a  voice  that  the  whole 
hut  trembled — they  almost  believed  him ;  and  little  Fritz 
thought :  "  Who  knows  if  it  is  not  one  of  the  rhinoceroses  of 
which  Herr  Gulmann  told  us  yesterday  ?  " 

"  Has  the  monster  done  you  any  harm  ? "  asked  little 
Bessy. 

"  No,"  answered  Hans ;  "  when  I  screamed,  it  shrank  back 
into  its  house." 

"  But  I  must  go  and  see  it,"  said  Caspar ;  "  and,  if  you  will 
all  follow,  I  will  go  now." 

The  children  determined  to  go,  but  little  Hans  said : 

"  I  will  not  go  unarmed !  " 

[446] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

So  Caspar  mounted  his  horse-stick,  put  on  his  helmet,  and 
buckled  his  saber  to  his  side ;  Michael  took  his  gun,  Fritz  the 
drum,  and  little  Hans  his  lance. 

"  You  must  remain  at  home,  little  Bessy,"  said  Hans ;  "  I 
won't  bear  the  blame  if  the  monster  hurts  you." 

"  But  I  want  to  go  with  you,"  answered  little  Bessy,  almost 
crying ;  "  and,  if  you  will  not  take  me,  I  will  tell  my  mother." 

"  Let  her  go,  then,"  said  Fritz ;  "  but  remember,  Bessy,  you 
must  always  keep  ten  yards  behind." 

Thus,  having  armed  themselves,  they  took  courage,  and 
Caspar  thought :  "  Oh,  if  we  could  only  catch  the  monster, 
dead  or  alive !  Ah !  here  come  Peter,  and  Frank,  and  George 
— they  can  also  go  with  us,  but  they  must  take  the  great  bean- 
pole out  of  the  garden,  that  we  may  be  able  to  attack  the 
monster  at  a  distance." 

Now  the  little  army  set  itself  in  motion.  Caspar  on  "  Roho  " 
(for  so  his  horse  was  named)  came  first,  as  commander;  then 
came  Hans  with  the  spear,  Fritz  with  the  drum,  Michael  with 
the  gun,  and  lastly,  Peter,  Frank,  and  George,  with  the  pole. 
Little  Bessy  came  ten  yards  behind  them.  All  were  full  of 
courage,  and  they  sang: 

The  general  on  his  horse  comes  first, 

And  next  the  spear  and  drum; 
The  soldier,  with  his  gun;  and  three 

Armed  with  a  bean-pole  come. 
But  Bessy  marches  after  all, 
That  unto  her  no  harm  may  fall. 

When  they  came  to  the  little  wood  through  which  one  must 
go  in  order  to  get  to  the  great  meadow  where  the  shepherd's 
cot  stands,  Hans  cried  out  all  at  once,  his  flag  nearly  falling 
from  his  hand: 

"  Did  you  not  hear  a  noise?  " 

"  Yes ! "  cried  all,  trembling ;  but  Fritz  had  still  courage 
enough  to  say: 

"  Bessy  must  remain  behind." 

Then  they  whispered  to  one  another,  "  The  monster,  per- 

[447] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

haps,  has  hidden  here  " ;  but  they  dared  not  run  away,  for 
fear  the  monster  should  fall  on  them  from  behind,  and  they 
resolved  to  lie  on  the  ground  and  listen.  So  they  laid  down 
all  apart,  and  presently  they  whispered: 

"  Hans  trembles  very  much." 

After  a  long  time  Fritz  asked : 

"  Have  you  heard  nothing,  Caspar  ?  " 

"  No,"  said  he,  and  the  others  also  said  "  no  " ;  and  Frank 
thought,  perhaps,  it  was  only  the  wind.  At  this  they  took 
courage,  and,  in  order  to  show  they  were  not  afraid,  they 
sang: 

O  wind,  in  the  wood  whistle  all  the  day  long, 
We'll  whistle  as  boldly,  we'll  whistle  as  strong, 

and  they  began  to  whistle,  with  all  their  strength,  against  the 
wind. 

When  they  had  come  out  of  the  wood  they  saw  the  shep- 
herd's hut  standing  quite  alone ;  in  the  distance  the  sheep  were 
peacefully  feeding,  and  their  little  bells  sounded  merrily  along 
the  meadows.  Only  an  old  ram  saw  the  young  band  of  he- 
roes, and  it  ventured  nearer  in  order  to  look  wonderingly. 
But  Caspar  rode  against  it,  brandishing  his  sword,  which 
made  the  ram  bleat  and  gallop  away. 

"  Now  is  the  time !  "  said  Caspar ;  "  we  will  first  walk  three 
times  round  the  hut,  but  no  one  must  make  any  noise !  " 

"  Bessy  still  stops  behind ! "  cried  Fritz,  out  of  the  strength 
of  his  love. 

"  Once  more  I  say,"  exclaimed  Caspar  loudly  and  forcibly, 
"  no  one  must  make  a  noise.  We  will  now  walk  around,  and 
when  we  are  about  to  attack,  Fritz  shall  give  the  signal  with 
his  drum." 

So  they  began  to  walk  round  the  hut,  but  they  marched 
round  much  oftener  than  three  times,  and  each  time  they 
stopped  at  the  same  place. 

"  We  cannot  go  round  any  more,"  said  Caspar,  "  we  must 
attack  the  monster  from  some  place.  Do  you  hide  first,  be- 
hind the  oak-tree,  one  behind  another,  that  the  monster  may 

[448] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

not  see  you;  I  will  step  on  to  the  wheel  there,  and  look  in 
at  the  window,  but — mind  you  are  all  ready  at  the  first 
call." 

As  they  hid  themselves  behind  the  oak,  he  walked  slowly 
with  drawn  sword  to  the  hut,  and  little  Hans  whispered  be- 
hind the  tree: 

"If  there  should  be  a  wolf  in  the  hut !  Do  you  remember 
the  story  of  '  Little  Red  Riding-hood  '  ?  " 

This  made  them  very  much  afraid,  and  they  held  the  faster 
to  one  another.  Only  Frank  dared  look  out  to  see  how  their 
captain  got  on. 

He  had  arrived  at  the  hut,  and,  having  fastened  his  horse 
to  a  stake,  he  mounted  the  wheel  in  order  to  look  through  the 
window.  But — what  a  monster ! — a  great  bearded  beast  with 
horns  sprang  with  a  loud  cry  at  him;  and  Caspar,  pale  as 
death  from  terror,  fell  back,  and  could  scarcely  cry: 

"  Help !  help !— the  monster !  " 

As  he  called  out,  Franz  said,  "  It  has  a  beard  and  horns, 
and  such  a  voice ! "  and  Hans,  who  stood  next  to  the  oak,  fell 
back  on  the  rest,  and  one  after  the  other  fell  to  the  ground. 

Fritz  picked  himself  up  first,  and  called  to  Caspar  from 
afar: 

"Has  he  eaten  you  up  yet,  dear  Caspar?" 

"  Who  ?  "  cried  Caspar,  springing  up,  "  who  ?  "  And  out 
of  the  hut  sounded  again  the  cry;  it  shook  the  door,  and  all 
fell  back  again.  A  goat  came  running  up,  with  playful  jumps, 
to  our  heroes. 

"  Herr  Gulmann's  sick  goat ! "  cried  out  all,  which,  since 
the  day  before  yesterday,  we  have  not  seen  in  the  school- 
yard." 

"Did  I  not  say  so?"  cried  Caspar.  "But,  ah,  fearful 
Hans !  where  is  the  monster  ?  " 

"  That  must  still  be  within,"  protested  Hans.  "  You  also 
have  seen  it." 

"  We  will  look  again,"  cried  the  enraged  Casper,  in  anger ; 
"  but,  as  the  monster  has  not  eaten  the  goat,  it  is  no  cannibal. 
Just  come  here,  and  stand  around  while  Hans  and  I  go  in; 

[449] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

and  do  you  hold  the  bar  of  the  door,  that  the  monster  may 
not  come  out." 

All  were,  in  spite  of  their  former  terror,  become  courage- 
ous ;  still,  Hans  would  willingly  have  gone  back  if  he  had  not 
disliked  to  be  called  "  fearful  Hans."  He  placed  himself, 
therefore,  at  the  door,  behind  Caspar,  holding  his  banner  be- 
fore his  eyes,  and  pressing  it  close  to  him.  But  Caspar  did 
not  remark  that  Hans  had  placed  himself  behind  him;  and 
Hans,  on  the  other  hand,  did  not  see  Caspar  turn  himself 
angrily  and  quickly  round,  the  hut  being  very  dark;  and  it 
so  happened  that  he  overturned  Hans  and  fell  over  him. 

"  The  monster !  the  monster !  "  cried  Hans ;  and  Caspar  ex- 
claimed, too,  "  The  monster !  the  monster !  "  for  each  thought 
that  it  had  overthrown  him.  With  the  quickness  of  lightning 
they  sprang  up  again,  in  order  to  escape  through  the  door, 
but  those  outside  only  held  the  bar  faster  from  terror;  and 
Hans  and  Caspar  kicked  with  such  violence  against  the  wood 
that  the  others  cried,  "  The  monster !  the  monster !  " 

But  this  time  it  was  not  a  goat,  but  the  specter,  which  every 
one  sometimes  sees  and  feels.  This  our  hero,  Caspar,  very 
soon  found  out;  and  springing  up,  he  stamped  thrice  on  the 
ground  with  his  foot,  and  seizing  poor  Hans  by  the  collar,  he 
shook  him  angrily,  and  cried  out  in  a  voice  nearly  choked  with 
rage: 

"  You  are  a  coward !  you  are  a  coward !  " 

"  Dear  Caspar,  let  me  go ;  I  will  not  do  it  again !  " 

"  Hans,  you  are  a  coward !  "  replied  Caspar,  for  the  third 
time  shaking  him. 

But  as  little  Hans  said,  "  I  will  certainly  show  you  a  mon- 
ster !  "  and  as  the  others  begged  for  his  life,  he  let  him  loose, 
stamped  again  on  the  ground,  and  exclaimed : 

"  Oh,  I  would  have  commanded  a  band  of  heroes ;  I  would 
have  caught  the  monster,  and  led  it  in  triumph  home,  but  now 
it  is  gone,  and  you  are  the  cause !  " 

But  meanwhile  the  goat,  which  at  first  had  so  frightened 
them,  approached  again,  and  performed  various  playful  capers 
to  induce  them  to  play  with  it.  This  increased  Caspar's  rage, 

[450] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

who  would  have  seized  the  animal  and  beaten  it ;  but  it  ran 
back,  and  then  lowering  its  horns  rushed  against  Caspar,  not 
very  softly.  This  excited  him  the  more;  he  made  a  bold 
spring,  seized  the  brute  by  the  hair,  and  mounted  it,  in  order 
the  better  to  hold  it;  but,  lo!  the  goat  ran  wildly  away  with 
him,  with  mad  jumps  through  the  wood,  past  shrieking  Bessy, 
away  into  the  village,  where  the  people  pointed  their  fingers 
at  him  mockingly. 

Where  did  the  goat  stop? — for  Caspar,  while  he  lives,  will 
not  forget  this!  It  easily  found  the  way  to  the  schoolhouse 
where  it  once  joyfully  fed,  and  flying  to  the  yard,  where  the 
affrighted  dog  tried  to  seize  it,  it  rushed  into  the  school  at 
the  principal  entrance,  and  stood  suddenly  in  the  school- 
room, where  Herr  Gulmann  was  correcting  the  exercises  of 
his  scholars.  He  heard  the  tremendous  noise  and  outcry,  and 
putting  on  his  spectacles  he  discovered  all ! 

What  further  happened  I  will  omit,  out  of  pity  for  Caspar, 
who  may  read  this  history  some  time.  Only  this  must  I  men- 
tion :  that  Herr  Gulmann  made  him  read  and  explain  on  Mon- 
day morning,  for  a  religious  exercise,  the  history  of  David 
and  Goliath,  and  soon  after  he  unwillingly  related  the  story 
of  the  Seven  Suabians,  who  allowed  themselves  to  be  con- 
quered by  a  hare,  and  at  that  seven  little  boys  blushed  very 
deeply.  I  believe,  however,  that  seven  times  seven-and-seventy 
little  boys  would  blush  at  this  story  I  have  just  told  if  it  had 
happened  to  them ! 


[451] 


The   Story  of  Little  Black   Mingo 

NCE  upon  a  time  there  was  a  little  black  girl,  and  her 
name  was  Little  Black  Mingo. 

She  had  no  father  and  mother,  so  she  had  to  live 
with  a  horrid  cross  old  woman  called  Black  Noggy,  who  used 
to  scold  her  every  day,  and  sometimes  beat  her  with  a  stick, 
even  though  she  had  done  nothing  naughty. 

One  day  Black  Noggy  called  her,  and  said :  "  Take  this 
chatty  down  to  the  river  and  fill  it  with  water,  and  come  back 
as  fast  as  you  can — quick  now !  " 

So  Little  Black  Mingo  took  the  chatty  and  ran  down  to  the 
river  as  fast  as  she  could,  and  began  to  fill  it  with  water,  when 
cr-r-rrrack ! ! !  bang ! ! !  a  horrible  big  mugger  poked  its  nose  up 
through  the  bottom  of  the  chatty  and  said :  "  Ha,  ha !  Little 
Mingo,  I'm  going  to  eat  you  up !  " 

Little  Black  Mingo  did  not  say  anything.  She  turned  and 
ran  away  as  fast  as  ever  she  could,  and  the  mugger  ran  after 
her.  But  the  broken  chatty  round  his  neck  caught  his  paws, 
so  he  could  not  overtake  her. 

But  when  she  got  back  to  Black  Noggy,  and  told  her  how 
the  mugger  had  broken  the  chatty,  Black  Noggy  was  fear- 
fully angry.  "  You  naughty  girl,"  she  said,  "  you  have  broken 
the  chatty  yourself.  I  have  a  good  mind  to  beat  you."  And 
if  she  had  not  been  in  such  a  hurry  for  the  water  she  would 
have  beaten  her. 

Then  she  went  and  fetched  the  great  big  chatty  that  the 
dhobi  used  to  boil  the  clothes  in.  "  Take  this,"  said  she,  "  and 
mind  you  don't  break  it,  or  I  will  beat  you." 

"  But  I  can't  carry  that  when  it  is  full  of  water,"  said  Little 
Black  Mingo. 

"  You  must  go  twice,  and  bring  it  half-full  each  time,"  said 
Black  Noggy. 

[452] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

So  Little  Black  Mingo  took  the  dhobi's  great  big  chatty, 
and  started  again  to  go  to  the  river.  But  first  she  went  to  a 
little  bank  above  the  river,  and  peeped  up  and  down  to  see 
if  she  could  see  the  old  mugger  anywhere.  But  she  could  not 
see  him,  for  he  was  hiding  under  the  very  bank  she  was  stand- 
ing on,  and,  though  his  tail  stuck  out  a  little,  she  never  saw 
him  at  all. 

She  would  have  liked  to  run  home,  but  she  was  too  much 
afraid  that  Black  Noggy  would  beat  her. 

So  Little  Black  Mingo  crept  down  to  the  river,  and  began 
to  fill  the  big  chatty  with  water.  And  while  she  was  filling 
it  the  mugger  came  creeping  softly  down  behind  her  and 
caught  her  by  the  leg,  saying:  "Aha,  Little  Black  Mingo, 
now  I've  got  you." 

And  Little  Black  Mingo  said:  "Oh!  please  don't  eat  me 
up,  great  big  mugger !  " 

"  What  will  you  give  me  if  I  don't  eat  you  up  ?  "  said  the 
mugger.  But  Little  Black  Mingo  was  so  poor  she  had  noth- 
ing to  give.  So  the  mugger  caught  her  in  his  great  cruel 
mouth  and  swam  away  with  her  to  an  island  in  the  middle 
of  the  river,  and  set  her  down  beside  a  huge  pile  of  eggs. 

"  Those  are  my  eggs,"  said  he ;  "  to-morrow  a  little  mugger 
will  come  out  of  each,  and  then  we  will  have  a  great  feast, 
and  we  will  eat  you  up." 

Then  he  waddled  off  to  catch  fish  for  himself,  and  left  Lit- 
tle Black  Mingo  alone  beside  the  big  pile  of  eggs. 

And  Little  Black  Mingo  sat  down  on  a  big  stone  and  hid 
her  face  in  her  hands,  and  cried  bitterly,  because  she  couldn't 
swim,  and  she  didn't  know  how  to  get  away. 

Presently  she  heard  a  queer  little  squeaky  noise  that  sounded 
like  "  Squeak,  squeak,  squeak ! ! !  Oh,  Little  Black  Mingo, 
help  me,  or  I  shall  be  drowned."  She  got  up  and  looked  to 
see  what  was  calling,  and  she  saw  a  bush  coming  floating 
down  the  river  with  something  wriggling  and  scrambling 
about  in  it,  and  as  it  came  near  she  saw  that  it  was  a  mon- 
goose that  was  in  the  bush.  So  she  waded  out  as  far  as  she 
could,  and  caught  hold  of  the  bush  and  pulled  it  in,  and  the 

[453] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

poor  mongoose  crawled  up  her  arm  on  to  her  shoulder,  and 
she  carried  him  to  shore. 

When  they  got  to  shore  the  mongoose  shook  himself,  and 
Little  Black  Mingo  wrung  out  her  petticoat,  and  so  they  both 
very  soon  got  dry. 

The  mongoose  then  began  to  poke  about  for  something  to 
eat,  and  very  soon  he  found  the  great  big  pile  of  muggers' 
eggs.  "  Oh,  joy !  "  said  he,  "  what's  this  ?  " 

"  Those  are  muggers'  eggs,"  said  Little  Black  Mingo. 

"  I'm  not  afraid  of  muggers !  "  said  the  mongoose ;  and  he 
sat  down  and  began  to  crack  the  eggs,  and  eat  the  little  mug- 
gers as  they  came  out.  And  he  threw  the  shells  into  the  water, 
so  that  the  old  mugger  should  not  see  that  any  one  had  been 
eating  them.  But  he  was  careless,  and  he  left  one  egg-shell 
on  the  edge,  and  he  was  hungry,  and  he  ate  so  many  that 
the  pile  got  much  smaller,  and  when  the  old  mugger  came 
back  he  saw  at  once  that  some  one  had  been  meddling  with 
them. 

So  he  ran  to  Little  Black  Mingo,  and  said,  "  How  dare  you 
eat  my  eggs  ?  " 

"  Indeed,  indeed,  I  didn't,"  said  Little  Black  Mingo. 

"  Then  who  could  it  have  been  ?  "  said  the  mugger,  and  he 
ran  back  to  the  eggs  as  fast  as  he  could,  and,  sure  enough, 
when  he  got  back  he  found  the  mongoose  had  eaten  a  whole 
lot  more ! ! 

Then  he  said  to  himself,  "  I  must  stay  beside  my  eggs  till 
they  are  hatched  into  little  muggers,  or  the  mongoose  will  eat 
them  all."  So  he  curled  himself  into  a  ring  round  the  eggs 
and  went  to  sleep. 

But  while  he  was  asleep  the  mongoose  came  to  eat  some 
more  of  the  eggs,  and  ate  as  many  as  he  wanted,  and  when 
the  mugger  woke  this  time,  oh!  what  a  rage  he  was  in,  for 
there  were  only  six  eggs  left !  He  roared  so  loud  that  all  the 
little  muggers  inside  the  shells  gnashed  their  teeth,  and  tried 
to  roar,  too. 

Then  he  said :  "  I  know  what  I'll  do.  I'll  fetch  Little  Black 
Mingo's  big  chatty,  and  cover  my  eggs  with  that;  then  the 

[4541 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

mongoose  won't  be  able  to  get  at  them."  So  he  swam  across 
to  the  shore,  and  fetched  the  dhobi's  big  chatty,  and  covered 
the  eggs  with  it.  "  Now,  you  wicked  little  mongoose,  come 
and  eat  my  eggs  if  you  can,"  said  he,  and  he  went  off  quite 
proud  and  happy. 

By  and  by  the  mongoose  came  back,  and  he  was  terribly 
disappointed  when  he  found  the  eggs  all  covered  with  the  big 
chatty. 

So  he  ran  off  to  Little  Black  Mingo,  and  asked  her  to  help 
him,  and  Little  Black  Mingo  came  and  took  the  big  chatty 
off  the  eggs,  and  the  mongoose  ate  them,  every  one. 

"  Now,"  said  he,  "  there  will  be  no  little  muggers  to  make 
a  feast  for  to-morrow." 

"  No,"  said  Little  Black  Mingo,  "  but  the  mugger  will  eat 
me  all  by  himself,  I  am  afraid." 

"  No,  he  won't,"  said  the  mongoose,  "  for  we  will  sail  away 
together  in  the  big  chatty  before  he  comes  back." 

So  he  climbed  on  to  the  edge  of  the  chatty,  and  Little  Black 
Mingo  pushed  the  chatty  out  into  the  water,  and  then  she 
clambered  into  it  and  paddled  with  her  two  hands  as  hard  as 
she  could,  and  the  big  chatty  just  sailed  beautifully. 

So  they  got  across  safely,  and  Little  Black  Mingo  filled  the 
chatty  half-full  of  water  and  took  it  on  her  head,  and  they 
went  up  the  bank  together. 

But  when  the  mugger  came  back,  and  found  only  empty 
egg-shells,  he  was  fearfully  angry.  He  roared  and  he  raged, 
and  he  howled  and  he  yelled,  till  the  whole  island  shook,  and 
his  tears  ran  down  his  cheeks  and  pattered  on  the  sand  like 
rain. 

So  he  started  to  chase  Little  Black  Mingo  and  the  mon- 
goose, and  he  swam  across  the  river  as  fast  as  ever  he  could, 
and  when  he  was  half-way  across  he  saw  them  landing,  and 
as  he  landed  they  hurried  over  the  first  ridge. 

So  he  raced  after  them,  but  they  ran,  and  just  before  he 
caught  them  they  got  into  the  house,  and  banged  the  door  in 
his  face.  Then  they  shut  all  the  windows,  so  he  could  not 
get  in  anywhere. 

[455] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  All  right,"  said  he,  "  you  will  have  to  come  out  some 
time,  and  then  I  will  catch  you  both,  and  eat  you  up." 

So  he  hid  behind  the  back  of  the  house  and  waited. 

Now,  Black  Noggy  was  just  coming  home  from  the  bazaar 
with  a  tin  of  kerosene  on  her  head  and  a  box  of  matches  in 
her  hand. 

And  when  he  saw  her  the  mugger  rushed  out  and  gobbled 
her  up,  kerosene  tin,  matches,  and  all ! ! ! 

When  Black  Noggy  found  herself  in  the  mugger's  dark  in- 
side, she  wanted  to  see  where  she  was,  so  she  felt  for  the 
match-box,  and  took  out  a  match  and  lit  it.  But  the  mugger's 
teeth  had  made  holes  in  the  kerosene  tin,  so  that  the  flame  of 
the  match  caught  the  kerosene,  and  BANG  ! !  the  kerosene  ex- 
ploded, and  blew  the  old  mugger  and  Black  Noggy  into  little 
bits. 

At  the  fearful  noise  Little  Black  Mingo  and  the  mongoose 
came  running  out,  and  there  they  found  Black  Noggy  and 
the  old  mugger  all  blown  to  bits. 

So  Little  Black  Mingo  and  the  mongoose  got  the  nice  little 
house  for  their  very  own,  and  there  they  lived  happy  ever 
after.  And  Little  Black  Mingo  got  the  mugger's  head  for  her 
seat,  and  the  mongoose  got  Black  Noggy's  handkerchief  for 
his.  But  he  was  so  wee  he  used  to  put  it  on  the  mugger's 
nose,  and  there  they  sat,  and  had  their  tea  every  evening. 

HELEN  BANNERMAN. 


[456] 


The   Cock  and  the   Crested  Hen 

rHERE  was  once  a  Cock  who  had  a  whole  farm-yard 
of  hens  to  look  after  and  manage ;  and  among  them 
was  a  tiny  little  Crested  Hen.  She  thought  she  was 
altogether  too  grand  to  be  in  company  with  the  other  hens, 
for  they  looked  so  old  and  shabby ;  she  wanted  to  go  out  and 
strut  about  all  by  herself,  so  that  people  could  see  how  fine  she 
was,  and  admire  her  pretty  crest  and  beautiful  plumage. 

So  one  day  when  all  the  hens  were  strutting  about  on  the 
dust-heap  and  showing  themselves  off,  and  picking  and  cluck- 
ing, as  they  were  wont  to  do,  this  desire  seized  her,  and  she 
began  to  cry: 

"  Cluck,  cluck,  cluck,  cluck,  over  the  fence !  cluck,  cluck, 
cluck,  over  the  fence ! "  and  wanted  to  get  away. 

The  Cock  stretched  his  neck  and  shook  his  comb  and 
feathers,  and  cried: 

"  Go  not  there !  "    And  all  the  old  hens  cackled : 

"  Go-go-go-go  not  there !  " 

But  she  set  off  for  all  that ;  and  was  not  a  little  proud  when 
she  got  away,  and  could  go  about  pluming  and  showing  her- 
self off  quite  alone. 

Just  then  a  hawk  began  to  fly  round  in  a  circle  above  her, 
and  all  of  a  sudden  he  swooped  down  upon  her.  The  Cock, 
as  he  stood  on  top  of  the  dust-heap,  stretching  his  neck  and 
peering  first  with  one  eye  and  then  with  the  other,  had  long 
noticed  him,  and  cried  with  all  his  might: 

"  Come,  come,  come  and  help !  Come,  come,  come  and 
help !  "  till  the  people  came  running  to  see  what  was  the  mat- 
ter. They  frightened  the  hawk  so  that  he  let  go  the  Hen,  and 
had  to  be  satisfied  with  her  tuft  and  her  finest  feathers,  which 
he  had  plucked  from  her.  And  then,  you  may  be  sure,  she 

[457] 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

lost  no  time  in  running  home;  she  stretched  her  neck,  and 
tripped  along,  crying: 

"  See,  see,  see,  see  how  I  look !  See,  see,  see,  see  how  I 
look!" 

The  Cock  came  up  to  her  in  his  dignified  way,  drooped  one 
of  his  wings,  and  said : 

"Didn't  I  tell  you?" 

From  that  time  the  Hen  did  not  consider  herself  too  good 
to  be  in  the  company  of  the  old  hens  on  the  dust-heap. 


[4581 


The   Old  Woman   and  the  Fish 

rHERE  was  once  upon  a  time  an  old  woman  who  lived 
in  a  miserable  cottage  on  the  brow  of  a  hill  overlook- 
ing the  town.    Her  husband  had  been  dead  for  many 
years,  and  her  children  were  in  service  round  about  the  par- 
ish, so  she  felt  rather  lonely  and  dreary  by  herself,  and  other- 
wise she  was  not  particularly  well  off  either. 

But  when  it  has  been  ordained  that  one  shall  live,  one  can- 
not think  of  one's  funeral ;  and  so  one  has  to  take  the  world 
as  it  is,  and  still  be  satisfied;  and  that  was  about  all  the  old 
woman  could  console  herself  with.  But  that  the  road  up 
which  she  had  to  carry  the  pails  from  the  well  should  be  so 
heavy;  and  that  the  ax  should  have  such  a  blunt  and  rusty 
edge,  so  that  it  was  only  with  the  greatest  difficulty  that  she, 
could  cut  the  little  firewood  she  had;  and  that  the  stuff  she 
was  weaving  was  not  sufficient — all  this  grieved  her  greatly, 
and  caused  her  to  complain  from  time  to  time. 

So  one  day,  when  she  had  pulled  the  bucket  up  from  the 
well,  she  happened  to  find  a  small  pike  in  the  bucket,  which 
did  not  at  all  displease  her. 

"  Such  fish  does  not  come  into  my  pot  every  day,"  she  said ; 
and  now  she  could  have  a  really  grand  dish,  she  thought.  But 
the  fish  that  she  had  got  this  time  was  no  fool;  it  had  the 
gift  of  speech,  that  it  had. 

"  Let  me  go !  "  said  the  fish. 

The  old  woman  began  to  stare,  you  may  be  sure.  Such  a 
fish  she  had  never  before  seen  in  this  world. 

"  Are  you  so  much  better  than  other  fish,  then  ?  "  she  said, 
"  and  too  good  to  be  eaten?  " 

"  Wise  is  he  who  does  not  eat  all  he  gets  hold  of,"  said  the 
fish ;  "  only  let  me  go,  and  you  shall  not  remain  without  re- 
ward for  your  trouble." 

[4591 


TALES   OF   LAUGHTER 

"  I  like  a  fish  in  the  bucket  better  than  all  those  frisking 
about  free  and  frolicsome  in  the  lakes,"  said  the  old  woman. 
"  And  what  one  can  catch  with  one  hand,  one  can  also  carry 
to  one's  mouth,"  she  said. 

"  That  may  be,"  said  the  fish ;  "  but  if  you  do  as  I  tell  you, 
you  shall  have  three  wishes." 

"  Wish  in  one  fist,  and  pour  water  in  the  other,  and  you'll 
soon  see  which  you  will  get  filled  first,"  said  the  woman. 
"  Promises  are  well  enough,  but  keeping  them  is  better,  and 
I  sha'n't  believe  much  in  you  till  I  have  got  you  in  the  pot," 
she  said. 

"  You  should  mind  that  tongue  of  yours,"  said  the  fish, 
"  and  listen  to  my  words.  Wish  for  three  things,  and  then 
you'll  see  what  will  happen,"  he  said. 

Well,  the  old  woman  knew  well  enough  what  she  wanted 
to  wish,  and  there  might  not  be  so  much  danger  in  trying 
how  far  the  fish  would  keep  his  word,  she  thought. 

She  then  began  thinking  of  the  heavy  hill  up  from  the 
well. 

"  I  would  wish  that  the  pails  could  go  of  themselves  to  the 
well  and  home  again,"  she  said. 

"  So  they  shall,"  said  the  fish. 

Then  she  thought  of  the  ax,  and  how  blunt  it  was. 

"  I  would  wish  that  whatever  I  strike  shall  break  right  off," 
she  said. 

"  So  it  shall,"  said  the  fish. 

And  then  she  remembered  that  the  stuff  she  was  weaving 
was  not  long  enough. 

"  I  would  wish  that  whatever  I  pull  shall  become  long,"  she 
said. 

"  That  it  shall,"  said  the  fish.  "  And  now,  let  me  down  into 
the  well  again." 

Yes,  that  she  would,  and  all  at  once  the  pails  began  to  sham- 
ble up  the  hill. 

"Dear  me,  did  you  ever  see  anything  like  it?"  The  old 
woman  became  so  glad  and  pleased  that  she  slapped  herself 
across  the  knees. 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

Crack,  crack!  it  sounded;  and  then  both  her  legs  fell  off, 
and  she  was  left  sitting  on  the  top  of  the  lid  over  the  well. 

Now  came  a  change.  She  began  to  cry  and  wail,  and  the 
tears  started  from  her  eyes,  whereupon  she  began  blowing 
her  nose  with  her  apron,  and  as  she  tugged  at  her  nose  it 
grew  so  long,  so  long,  that  it  was  terrible  to  see. 

That  is  what  she  got  for  her  wishes!  Well,  there  she  sat, 
and  there  she  no  doubt  still  sits,  on  the  lid  of  the  well.  And 
if  you  want  to  know  what  it  is  to  have  a  long  nose,  you  had 
better  go  there  and  ask  her,  for  she  can  tell  you  all  about  it, 
she  can. 


The   Lad  and  the  Fox 

rHERE  was  once  upon  a  time  a  little  lad,  who  was 
on  his  way  to  church,  and  when  he  came  to  a  clear- 
ing in  the  forest  he  caught  sight  of  a  fox,  that  was 
lying  on  the  top  of  a  big  stcne  so  fast  asleep  that  he  did  not 
know  the  lad  had  seen  him. 

"  If  I  kill  that  fox,"  said  the  lad,  taking  a  heavy  stone  in  his 
fist,  "  and  sell  the  skin,  I  shall  get  money  for  it,  and  with  that 
money  I  shall  buy  some  rye,  and  that  rye  I  shall  sow  in 
father's  corn-field  at  home.  When  the  people  who  are  on 
their  way  to  church  pass  by  my  field  of  rye  they'll  say :  '  Oh, 
what  splendid  rye  that  lad  has  got ! '  Then  I  shall  say  to 
them :  '  I  say,  keep  away  from  my  rye ! '  But  they  won't  heed 
me.  Then  I  shall  shout  to  them :  '  I  say,  keep  away  from  my 
rye ! '  But  still  they  won't  take  any  notice  of  me.  Then  I 
shall  scream  with  all  my  might :  '  Keep  away  from  my  rye ! ' 
and  then  they'll  listen  to  me." 

But  the  lad  screamed  so  loudly  that  the  fox  woke  up  and 
made  off  at  once  for  the  forest,  so  that  the  lad  did  not  even 
get  as  much  as  a  handful  of  his  hair. 

No ;  it's  best  always  to  take  what  you  can  reach,  for  of  un- 
done deeds  you  should  never  screech,  as  the  saying  goes. 


[462] 


The  Old  Woman  and  the  Tramp 

rHERE  was  once  a  tramp  who  went  plodding  his  way 
through  a  forest.  The  distance  between  the  houses 
was  so  great  that  he  had  little  hope  of  finding  a  shel- 
ter before  the  night  set  in.  But  all  of  a  sudden  he  saw  some 
lights  between  the  trees.  He  then  discovered  a  cottage,  where 
there  was  a  fire  burning  on  the  hearth.  How  nice  it  would 
be  to  roast  one's  self  before  that  fire,  and  to  get  a  bite  of 
something,  he  thought ;  and  so  he  dragged  himself  toward  the 
cottage. 

Just  then  an  old  woman  came  toward  him. 

"  Good  evening,  and  well  met !  "  said  the  tramp. 

"  Good  evening,"  said  the  woman.  "  Where  do  you  come 
from?" 

"  South  of  the  sun,  and  east  of  the  moon,"  said  the  tramp ; 
"  and  now  I  am  on  the  way  home  again,  for  I  have  been  all 
over  the  world  with  the  exception  of  this  parish,"  he  said. 

"  You  must  be  a  great  traveler,  then,"  said  the  woman. 
"  What  may  be  your  business  here  ?  " 

"  Oh,  I  want  a  shelter  for  the  night,"  he  said. 

"  I  thought  as  much,"  said  the  woman ;  "but  you  may  as 
well  get  away  from  here  at  once,  for  my  husband  is  not  at 
home,  and  my  place  is  not  an  inn,"  she  said. 

"  My  good  woman,"  said  the  tramp,  "  you  must  not  be  so 
cross  and  hard-hearted,  for  we  are  both  human  beings,  and 
should  help  one  another,  as  it  is  written." 

"  Help  one  another  ?  "  said  the  woman,  "  help  ?  Did  you 
ever  hear  such  a  thing?  Who'll  help  me,  do  you  think?  I 
haven't  got  a  morsel  in  the  house !  No,  you'll  have  to  look 
for  quarters  elsewhere,"  she  said. 

But  the  tramp  was  like  the  rest  of  his  kind ;  he  did  not  con- 
sider himself  beaten  at  the  first  rebuff.  Although  the  old 

[463] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

woman  grumbled  and  complained  as  much  as  she  could,  he 
was  just  as  persistent  as  ever,  and  went  on  begging  and  pray- 
ing like  a  starved  dog,  until  at  last  she  gave  in,  and  he  got 
permission  to  lie  on  the  floor  for  the  night. 

That  was  very  kind,  he  thought,  and  he  thanked  her  for  it. 

"  Better  on  the  floor  without  sleep,  than  suffer  cold  in  the 
forest  deep,"  he  said ;  for  he  was  a  merry  fellow,  this  tramp, 
and  was  always  ready  with  a  rhyme. 

When  he  came  into  the  room  he  could  see  that  the  woman 
was  not  so  badly  off  as  she  had  pretended ;  but  she  was  a 
greedy  and  stingy  woman  of  the  worst  sort,  and  was  always 
complaining  and  grumbling. 

He  now  made  himself  very  agreeable,  of  course,  and  asked 
her  in  his  most  insinuating  manner  for  something  to  eat. 

"  Where  am  I  to  get  it  from  ? "  said  the  woman.  "  I 
haven't  tasted  a  morsel  myself  the  whole  day." 

But  the  tramp  was  a  cunning  fellow,  he  was. 

"  Poor  old  granny,  you  must  be  starving,"  he  said.  "  Well, 
well,  I  suppose  I  shall  have  to  ask  you  to  have  something 
with  me,  then  ?  " 

"  Have  something  with  you !  "  said  the  woman.  "  You  don't 
look  as  if  you  could  ask  any  one  to  have  anything!  What 
have  you  got  to  offer  one,  I  should  like  to  know  ?  " 

"  He  who  far  and  wide  does  roam  sees  many  things  not 
known  at  home;  and  he  who  many  things  has  seen  has  wits 
about  him  and  senses  keen,"  said  the  tramp.  "  Better  dead 
than  lose  one's  head !  Lend  me  a  pot,  granny !  " 

The  old  woman  now  became  very  inquisitive,  as  you  may 
guess,  and  so  she  let  him  have  a  pot. 

He  filled  it  with  water  and  put  it  on  the  fire,  and  then  he 
blew  with  all  his  might  till  the  fire  was  burning  fiercely  all 
round  it.  Then  he  took  a  four-inch  nail  from  his  pocket, 
turned  it  three  times  in  his  hand,  and  put  it  into  the  pot. 

The  woman  stared  with  all  her  might. 

"  What's  this  going  to  be?  "  she  asked. 

"  Nail  broth,"  said  the  tramp,  and  began  to  stir  the  water 
with  the  porridge-stick. 

[464] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  Nail  broth  ?  "  asked  the  woman. 

"Yes,   nail  broth/'  said  the  tramp. 

The  old  woman  had  seen  and  heard  a  good  deal  in  her  time, 
but  that  anybody  could  have  made  broth  with  a  nail,  well, 
she  had  never  heard  the  like  before. 

"  That's  something  for  poor  people  to  know,"  she  said, 
"  and  I  should  like  to  learn  how  to  make  it." 

"  That  which  is  not  worth  having  will  always  go  a-beg- 
ging," said  the  tramp,  but  if  she  wanted  to  learn  how  to  make 
it  she  had  only  to  watch  him,  he  said,  and  went  on  stirring 
the  broth. 

The  old  woman  squatted  on  the  ground,  her  hands  clasping 
her  knees,  and  her  eyes  following  his  hand  as  he  stirred  the 
broth. 

"  This  generally  makes  good  broth,"  he  said ;  "  but  this  time 
it  will  very  likely  be  rather  thin,  for  I  have  been  making 
broth  the  whole  week  with  the  same  nail.  If  one  only  had 
a  handful  of  sifted  oatmeal  to  put  in,  that  would  make 
it  all  right,"  he  said.  "  But  what  one  has  to  go  without, 
it's  no  use  thinking  more  about,"  and  so  he  stirred  the  broth 
again. 

"  Well,  I  think  I  have  a  scrap  of  flour  somewhere,"  said 
the  old  woman,  and  went  out  to  fetch  some,  and  it  was  both 
good  and  fine. 

The  tramp  began  putting  the  flour  into  the  broth,  and  went 
on  stirring,  while  the  woman  sat  staring  now  at  him  and  then 
at  the  pot  until  her  eyes  nearly  burst  their  sockets. 

"  This  broth  would  be  good  enough  for  company,"  he  said, 
putting  in  one  handful  of  flour  after  another.  "  If  I  had  only 
a  bit  of  salted  beef  and  a  few  potatoes  to  put  in,  it  would  be 
fit  for  gentlefolks,  however  particular  they  might  be,"  he  said. 
"  But  what  one  has  to  go  without,  it's  no  use  thinking  more 
about." 

When  the  old  woman  really  began  to  think  it  over,  she 
thought  she  had  some  potatoes,  and  perhaps  a  bit  of  beef  as 
well;  and  these  she  gave  the  tramp,  who  went  on  stirring, 
while  she  sat  and  stared  as  hard  as  ever. 

[465] 


TALES    OF  LAUGHTER 

"  This  will  be  grand  enough  for  the  best  in  the  land,"  he 
said. 

"  Well,  I  never !  "  said  the  woman ;  "  and  just  fancy — all 
with  a  nail !  " 

He  was  really  a  wonderful  man,  that  tramp!  He  could  do 
more  than  drink  a  sup  and  turn  the  tankard  up,  he  could. 

"If  one  had  only  a  little  barley  and  a  drop  of  milk,  we 
could  ask  the  king  himself  to  have  some  of  it,"  he  said ;  "  for 
this  is  what  he  has  every  blessed  evening — that  I  know,  for  I 
have  been  in  service  under  the  king's  cook,"  he  said. 

"  Dear  me !  Ask  the  king  to  have  some !  Well,  I  never !  " 
exclaimed  the  woman,  slapping  her  knees.  She  was  quite  awe- 
struck at  the  tramp  and  his  grand  connections. 

"  But  what  one  has  to  go  without,  it's  no  use  thinking  more 
about,"  said  the  tramp. 

And  then  she  remembered  she  had  a  little  barley;  and  as 
for  milk,  well,  she  wasn't  quite  out  of  that,  she  said,  for  her 
best  cow  had  just  calved.  And  then  she  went  to  fetch  both 
the  one  and  the  other. 

The  tramp  went  on  stirring,  and  the  woman  sat  staring, 
one  moment  at  him  and  the  next  at  the  pot. 

Then  all  at  once  the  tramp  took  out  the  nail. 

"  Now  it's  ready,  and  now  we'll  have  a  real  good  feast,"  he 
said.  "  But  to  this  kind  of  soup  the  king  and  the  queen  al- 
ways take  a  dram  or  two,  and  one  sandwich  at  least.  And 
then  they  always  have  a  cloth  on  the  table  when  they  eat,"  he 
said.  "  But  what  one  has  to  go  without,  it's  no  use  thinking 
more  about." 

But  by  this  time  the  old  woman  herself  had  begun  to  feel 
quite  grand  and  fine,  I  can  tell  you ;  and  if  that  was  all  that  was 
wanted  to  make  it  just  as  the  king  had  it,  she  thought  it  would 
be  nice  to  have  it  exactly  the  same  way  for  once,  and  play 
at  being  king  and  queen  with  the  tramp.  She  went  straight 
to  a  cupboard  and  brought  out  the  brandy  bottle,  dram  glasses, 
butter  and  cheese,  smoked  beef  and  veal,  until  at  last  the  table 
looked  as  if  it  were  decked  out  for  company. 

Never  in  her  life  had  the  old  woman  had  such  a  grand 


TALES    OF   LAUGHTER 

feast,  and  never  had  she  tasted  such  broth,  and  just  fancy, 
made  only  with  a  nail ! 

She  was  in  such  a  good  and  merry  humor  at  having  learned 
such  an  economical  way  of  making  broth  that  she  did  not 
know  how  to  make  enough  of  the  tramp  who  had  taught  her 
such  a  useful  thing. 

So  they  ate  and  drank,  and  drank  and  ate,  until  they  be- 
came both  tired  and  sleepy. 

The  tramp  was  now  going  to  lie  down  on  the  floor.  But 
that  would  never  do,  thought  the  old  woman;  no,  that  was 
impossible.  "  Such  a  grand  person  must  have  a  bed  to  lie  in," 
she  said. 

He  did  not  need  much  pressing.  "  It's  just  like  the  sweet 
Christmas  time,"  he  said,  "  and  a  nicer  woman  I  never  came 
across.  Ah,  well!  Happy  are  they  who  meet  with  such 
good  people,"  said  he ;  and  he  lay  down  on  the  bed  and  went 
asleep. 

And  next  morning,  when  he  woke,  the  first  thing  he  got 
was  coffee  and  a  dram. 

When  he  was  going,  the  old  woman  gave  him  a  bright  dol- 
lar piece. 

"  And  thanks,  many  thanks,  for  what  you  have  taught  me," 
she  said.  "  Now  I  shall  live  in  comfort,  since  I  have  learned 
how  to  make  broth  with  a  nail." 

"  Well,  it  isn't  very  difficult  if  one  only  has  something  good 
to  add  to  it,"  said  the  tramp  as  he  went  his  way. 

The  woman  stood  at  the  door  staring  after  him. 

"  Such  people  don't  grow  on  every  bush,"  she  said. 


THE   END 


[467] 


McCLURE'S  LIBRARY  OF 
CHILDREN'S    CLASSICS 

"THE  CRIMSON  CLASSICS" 
EDITED  BY 

ftate  ^ougiaj 

AND 


[HE  problem  of  children's  reading  is 
one  of  the  greatest  with  which  parents 
and  teachers  are  confronted.  It  is  the 
purpose  of  this  series  to  provide  the 
very  best  literature  in  every  field  for  the  use  of 
children  and  young  people  of  all  ages,  —  poetry, 
fairy  lore,  fables,  nursery  rhymes,  short  entertaining 
stories,  etc.,  etc.  To  accomplish  this  purpose  the 
editors  have  spared  no  trouble  and  the  publishers 
no  expense,  to  the  end  that  this  series  may  take 
its  place  permanently  in  the  home  and  in  the 
school  library  /superseding  all  others  less  com- 
plete and  less  carefully  selected  with  reference 
to  the  mental  and  spiritual  needs  and  the  simple 
aesthetic  tastes  of  children.  A  full  description 
of  the  five  volumes  already  published  will  be 
found  on  the  following  pages. 


McCLURE'S    LIBRARY    OF    CHILDREN'S    CLASSICS 

"  The  Crimson  Classics" 

PINAFORE    PALACE 

A  BOOK  OF  RHYMES  FOR  THE  NURSERY 

|HIS  volume  is  absolutely  unique  in  scope  and 
conception.  It  is  a  collection  of  all  the  best 
nursery  rhymes,  nonsense  verses,  guessing 
games,  lullabies  and  slumber  songs  for  the 
delectation  of  the  very  littlest  readers,  just  as 
THE  POSY  RING  was  designed  for  children  a  little  older, 
and  GOLDEN  NUMBERS  for  their  brothers  and  sisters  who 
are  beginning  to  grow  up  and  to  prepare  for  school  and 
college.  The  editors  have,  as  in  the  case  of  the  former 
volumes  in  the  series,  gone  through  the  entire  field  of 
available  material,  and  drawn  upon  many  sources  that  are 
remote  or  inaccessible  for  the  general  reader.  In  this  way 
they  have  been  able  to  recover  many  a  veritable  little 
masterpiece  of  nursery  lore,  as  well  as  to  bring  together 
all  the  old  favorites  from  Mother  Goose  and  other  collec- 
tions in  a  form  at  once  compact  and  comprehensive. 
Teachers  of  kindergartens  everywhere,  as  well  as  mothers 
with  children  to  entertain  at  home,  will  welcome  this  little 
book  and  keep  it  on  the  most  convenient  shelf  of  the 
nursery  bookcase.  "  Every  home,  large  or  small,  poor  or 
rich,'1  writes  Mrs.  Wiggin  in  her  delightful  INTRODUCTION 
TO  THE  MOTHER  in  PINAFORE  PALACE  ;  and,  she  adds  later, 
"  no  greater  love  for  a  task  nor  happiness  in  doing  it,  no 
more  ardent  wish  to  please  a  child  or  meet  a  mother's 
need,  ever  went  into  a  book  than  has  been  brought  into 
this  volume.1' 

$1.50 


McCLURE'S    LIBRARY    OF    CHILDREN'S    CLASSICS 

"  The  Crimson  Classics" 


MAGIC  CASEMENTS 

A  SECOND  FAIRY  BOOK 

IS  volume,  a  companion  to  "  The  Faiiy 
Ring,"  completes  that  volume  and  makes, 
with  it,  the  most  exhaustive  collection  of  fairy 
lore  available  for  young  readers.  The  editors, 
with  their  unerring  gift  for  selection  which  in 
itself  amounts  to  genius,  have  gathered  those  stories  which 
have  in  them  the  greatest  degree  of  that  glamour  which,  in 
the  language  of  Keats,  opens  "magic  casements"  on  the 
world  of  Fairyland.  These  stories  are  for  the  most  part 
longer  and  more  elaborate  than  those  in  the  preceding 
volume  and  are  designed  for  slightly  older  readers. 

THE  FAIRY  RING 

1SIGNED  by  its  editors  to  be  the  standard 
fairy  book  for  children.  The  educational 
value  of  the  fairy  story  cannot  be  denied  in 
its  healthy  stimulation  of  the  child's  imagin- 
ative powers.  Here  the  collections  of  Grimm, 
Andersen,  Joseph  Jacobs,  Laboulaye,  Perrault,  and  Dasent 
have  yielded  their  richest  stores,  but  the  editors  have  not 
confined  themselves  to  these  better-known  sources.  They 
have  gone  far  afield,  read  and  examined  all  existing  books  of 
fairy  literature,  sifting  all  the  material  till  they  have  made 
a  generous  selection  which  is  inclusive  of  the  very  best 
that  has  ever  been  written. 

"  Can  hardly  fail  to  prove  the  most  popular  anthology  of  its  kind 
ever  published."     Boston.  Herald. 

Each  volume  beautifully  printed  and  bound;    about  450  pages  • 
Gilt  top  ;  postpaid,  $1.50 


McCLURE'S    LIBRARY    OF    CHILDREN'S    CLASSICS 

te  The  Crimson  Classics  " 


GOLDEN    NUMBERS 

A  BOOK  OF  VERSE  FOR  YOUTH 

[HE  best  anthology  of  English  verse  ever 
prepared  for  young  people  from  the  ages  of 
12  to  17.  It  is  composed  entirely  of  the 
finest  examples  of  English  poetical  literature, 
selected  with  special  reference  to  the  re- 
quirements of  young  people  of  the  grammar  and  high 
school  age. 

"  The  book  will  charm  the  child  for  the  moment ;  it  will  educate 
his  tastes  without  awakening  the  suspicion  that  he  is  at  school,  and 
it  will  enrich  his  memory  for  all  time  to  come."  Outlook. 

With  an  introduction  by  Kate  Douglas  Wiggin,  and  interleaves. 
Cloth,  500 pages;  postpaid,  $2.17;  net,  $2.00 

THE  POSY  RING 

A  BOOK  OF  VERSE  FOR  CHILDREN 

COMPANION  volume  to  "Golden  Num- 
bers," suitable  for  children  from  the  ages  of 
7  to  12.  The  compilers  have  drawn  largely 
on  the  works  of  Longfellow,  Stevenson, 
Lewis  Carroll,  Eugene  Field,  Mary  Mapes 
Dodge  and  James  Whitcomb  Riley.  Every  poem  will  give 
delight  to  the  child,  and  also  to  the  mother  who  would 
read  them  to  the  little  ones. 

"Into  its  pages  have  been  gathered  the  cream  of  poetry  for  chil- 
dren."    Boston  Transcript. 

Printed invery  large  Readable  type.  Cloth, postpaid, $1.37;  net,  $1.25 


T~33 


